HAPPY HOUR: Spring Forward By Sammy Benson 10:01 PM on 4/27/2002
Spring forward, fall backwards... Sammy Benson here… with a clever slogan for clock management? No, it's the rule I live life by, one that's kept a new “Happy Hour” out of your hungry little paws for too long. Spring forward to grab the drink out of the common man's hand, and fall backwards into utter bliss. Sadly, utter bliss comes at a price. Your step-mom never told you that, did she? That's probably because she was too busy being spread open in the dentists' chair after hours. Yeah kids, Mommy's got a bad tooth that needs fixin' again. The price is a constant headache, dulling the need to fax a column to the cheap Mexican help Merritt hires to run his office. Esa Meso boys, “Happy Hour” has risen at last, pour a drink for me, the celebration kicks off in earnest tonight! "She Bangs, She Bangs..." I see Poison "Chad, let me do the job" Ivy offered up her State Of The Union Address for the taking. She's a sweet, if not timely lil’ wench ain't she folks? Am I the only one not surprised that Ivy has devoted her time to helping the "next generation?" It's beneath me, but make your own joke here. Unlike Ivy, Sammy Benson isn't about to go all presidential. No, the only thing I'm offering in this column is a proclamation that I'm getting my drink on later tonight. I'm betting my contract states some business must be discussed. Here goes... These are perilous times, children. Even I, the great I am, can not overlook that fact. It's a time that has the fan base torn in two. Those who enjoyed “The Phantom Menace,” and those who want to castrate Jar Jar like a sick bull. What side of the fence does Sammy Benson stand on? Sharpen the knives boys, mesa sellin Bink's gunganhood on EBay. The danger I spoke of? “Attack Of The Clones” is a month from being released. Can our childhood really take another disaster? Or is this the return to innocence we've dreamt of for so long? Yes, Ivy if “Clones” delivers you too may be fresh again. Hornet may let you have that child, just yet. Lo Meso boys. I know this is a CSWA column, I'm just too sober right now to drum up interest. This league needs me to play booker for a day...and my taste buds tell me it's time to blow up a cruise liner again. Why? I don't know, but it was fun the first go around. This is Sammy Benson, reminding all the new, impressionable talent to reject Ivy's advances, and listen to Sammy when I say, there is a place you can touch a woman to drive her crazy.... ...it's her heart. The views and overall idiocy in "Happy Hour" are not represented by FWrestling.com. Why did the CSWA ever hire the drunk, anyway? |
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