kill me kill me kill me kill me.
(CUTTO: Upside-down EPW banner again. Red, looking badass with dreads hanging all willy-nilly, gaudy green and orange “TEAM MIDCARD” T-shirt, and black Gi pants, periodically swigs from a can of purple Joose while waving his other arm at the camera, to emphasize things he’s saying. To his left, Ryoko Mikoto is twirling her hair and rolling her eyes a lot in a white tank top, black leather jacket, and jeans. To Felix’s right, there’s Gothopotamus, in a Birthday Massacre T-shirt and plus-size Lip service pants, make-up all ruined and running from ample weeping…)
RED: Y’see kids, You never get anywhere worthwhile in this life unless you can disregard your perceived limitations. I can do anything I want. I can ravage the space-time continuum by tagging brick walls downtown. I can decipher the mysteries of Lost. I can destroy the world. I’m a human f(bleep)king autonomous zone.
And I can assuredly slap Jared Wells and Larry Tact silly. Again. I can also embarrass them, and First, and Doc Silver, by enabling crybaby face over here to do likewise…
Speaking of being a big pu$$y, gosh, Jared’ums, I guess I went and had a little too much fun for your liking one or two nights. Maybe you should change your self-applied nickname to “Mommy,” as this better suits your rule mongering disposition, yeah? But that’s always been your problem. There are too many lines you’re too timid to cross. You want everyone to know how much you drink. You want everyone to know how many women you’ve slept with. (Ryoko makes universal jerking-off the air gesture) You want everyone to know what a high-larious guy you are, ‘cause really, you just want to be loved. In the end, you’ll probably always let others’ perception of you run your life.
Whereas Eye, if it wasn’t obvious, can’t tell the difference between the good and bad kinds of attention. I can only gauge the sheer quantity of either, or. Which is why, typically, when our paths cross, you eat splinters, and I get my hand raised.
Yeah, you’re hardcore. Just not so hardcore it’s going to make anyone uncomfortable. It’s cute that Doc Silver is apparently your boyhood idol, or something. Maybe you can become his arch nemesis, instead of me, so he can have his big sentimental retirement match against you, and quit badgering me all the time.
And as for you, Tact McTactums, you need to get your youth-oriented sub-cultures straight. Gotho is, duh, GOTH, not Emo, you clueless yutz. Is Joy Division Emo? Is Skinny Puppy Emo? Do emo kids like to dance?! NO. Get with the times, man. Oterhwise, you’re right, Gotho’s poetry is horrible, his dancing is worse than his haircut, and his personal hygiene skills are dubious at best, and I’m sure he’s the sort of guy you would’ve beaten up, many, many times back when you wasting your parents’ money and experimenting with your sexuality in college. But there are certain unpleasant truths that you have yet to become cognizant of. This man is a hopeless masochist, Tact. When you hit him, he likes it. He thinks he deserves it, and he’s mostly right about that. He CRAVES punishment and humiliation. Hit him with a chair, and it’ll just make him send a facebook friend request. How the F(bleep)K do you expect to contend with that?! Also, he’s probably too fat for you to suplex. Tell ‘em Gotho! Tell ‘em how they’ll all feel your pain!!
GOTHO: Look, I…(bites his lip) I really don’t think I want to do this. I know I keep saying I like pain, but those guys are going to KILL me…
RYOKO: Oh, quit being such a little b!tch. You just told me this morning you long for the sweet release of death.
GOTHO: Yeah, b-but (sobs) Wells and Tact aren’t literally going to kill me, they’re just going to beat me up really, really bad…If they cripple me, I won’t be able to dance anymore, and I won’t even be able to end it all because I won’t be able to move my arms or legs…
RED: (slaps Gotho in the back of the head. Gotho starts crying a lot harder.) Nonsense!! You’re a quintessential goth monster! You crave agony and hatred and the desperate whimpers of your enemies! You revel in inflicting the anguish of your life upon others!!
GOTHO: Please stop hitting me…
(Felix slaps Gotho again, Gotho starting bawling uncontrollably and staggers off…)
RED: Eh, he’ll do just fine.
RYOKO: Should've just listened to me and gotten D-(felix, once again, makes the little hush-hush motion. Ryoko sighs, and lights a cigarette as we FTB)