PaulNJ21
I shunned a voodoo witch, decapitated a black cat
This is a first round match in the WFW World Tag Tournament. The Angle/RP deadline is Sunday, April 17th 11:59 PM EST. Send all angles to pmiller21@gmail.com
WFW Great Expectations: Rabesque & Johnson vs. Powermaster & Roderick
- Thread starter PaulNJ21
- Start date
TH
Active member
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2004
- Messages
- 2,953
- Points
- 36
- Age
- 42
- Location
- Philadelphia
- Website
- wallsofjerichoholic.blogspot.com
Behold!
The scene is an empty street. Roderick McRatrick is walking down said street with an absurdly happy look on his face.
RMR: Hello everyone. My name is Roderick McRatrick. You may remember me from such wrestling promotions as A1E, Bumfights and the New York State Penal League, which I was very disappointed to hear wasn't about... well let's not get into that.
Cut to a wrestling ring, where Roderick is in his ring attire.
RMR: Now, I don't know much about World's Finest Wrestling, but I do know that they're having a tournament to crown their first ever tag team champions. I also know that where there are tournaments, there are probably contracts, and where there are contracts, there are loopholes, and where there are loopholes, there are ways for me to make my opponents dress up like Tibetan yak farmers, with yak horns that bellow.
Cut to a news desk, where Roderick is seated, dressed in a suit coat and tie.
RMR: And when those yak horns bellow, well, that's where my partner comes in and hopefully sodomizes my opponents, long, hard, and preferably without me doing anything but perhaps filming the action and selling the tapes on e-Bay at a ridiculous markup.
Roderick stands up, revealing he's wearing only limited edition Scooby-Doo tighty-whities on his lower body.
RMR: And you know why? Because my partner, The Powermaster, is the master of... power.
Cut to a roller-disco, where Roderick is dressed in polyester hot-pants and a Trampps t-shirt with his hair in a fro with a rainbow headband. And suspenders, can't forget the rainbow suspenders.
RMR: And fokrucity. Can't forget the fokrucity. Now, I don't know exactly what this is, but it sounds pretty nasty. And even if it doesn't involve niche-porn that I can sell on the Internet, it pretty much guarantees that we're going to win.
Cut to a round-table discussion type set up, where Roderick is sitting at the head of the table, dressed up like Dr. Evil. To his left are an overweight brunette in dominatrix gear (that's Helga), an old guy with a shotgun dressed in overalls and a white t-shirt with bite marks around the collar (Rusty Joe). To his right are a buff blond guy in a tight t-shirt flexing ("Rodney McRipped") and a waxen likeness of The Rock that Roderick calls The Wax
RMR: I mean, the guy roamed the malls of New Jersey for crying out loud. I've been to New Jersey, I mean, and I've encountered all the white trash you can find over there. I mean, how do you think I met these guys?
RJ: I be onery!
"RMR": Dude, I am so ripped.
Helga: Heh, when you guys win, we're gonna celebrate by shoving you up my ass!
The camera focuses back on Roderick, who gulps.
Cut to Roderick dressed like one of Santa's elves in Santa's workshop.
RMR: Now, from what I understand though, our opponents are two guys with really nasty pasts that I'm worried about. I've heard that Jean Rabesque likes to have sex with animals, and Steve Johnson shoves sporks up his nose so he can put more cocaine in his lines at the same snorting effort. Now, I'm not going to tell you how I found that out. In fact, there's a good probability that I made that up, and that everythign I've said so far is a blatant lie.
However, if that's not the case, and I'm not lying, then I don't want to have to face some dude on a cocaine bender. I mean, I've been on more than a few cocaine benders in my... ummm, dreams, yeah, dreams. And they're not nice.
Cut to a crowded street.
RMR: However, cocaine benders and sheep violation aside, how are these guys going to keep up with me? I mean, at a moment's notice, I could shove one of them into the path of an oncoming truck like I'm going to do to this senior citizen with the oxygen tank and the cane.
Roderick shoves the geezer into the path of a truck. The truck skids, and just before it's about to hit the old man, we cut to a shot of Roderick standing in a classroom by himself... wearing a CAtholic schoolgirl jumper and knee high stockings.
RMR: The truth is, they're not ready for me. And the odds are that Rabesque is probably some crusty old French guy who never bathes and plans to knock me out with his foul body odor. Well, I have that scouted, and I have the ultimate weapon...
Cut to a still shot of a picture from the classic Who album The Who Sell Out, the one with Pete Townshend and the giant stick of deodorant underneath his armpit, but instead of Pete, Roderick's head is photoshopped on there.
Cut to Roderick, dressed like a pirate at a local video store.
RMR: Yes, that's right, I'd just like to see Rabesque try to counter that. Ha, I have this match won already. So, in closing, this is Roderick McRatrick, signing off and urinating in your cornflakes!
Video Clerk: Hey, are you actually going to pay the late fees on Midget Minxes 16 or am I going to have to break your legs?
RMR: And with that, I'm out!
Fade to the WFW logo
The scene is an empty street. Roderick McRatrick is walking down said street with an absurdly happy look on his face.
RMR: Hello everyone. My name is Roderick McRatrick. You may remember me from such wrestling promotions as A1E, Bumfights and the New York State Penal League, which I was very disappointed to hear wasn't about... well let's not get into that.
Cut to a wrestling ring, where Roderick is in his ring attire.
RMR: Now, I don't know much about World's Finest Wrestling, but I do know that they're having a tournament to crown their first ever tag team champions. I also know that where there are tournaments, there are probably contracts, and where there are contracts, there are loopholes, and where there are loopholes, there are ways for me to make my opponents dress up like Tibetan yak farmers, with yak horns that bellow.
Cut to a news desk, where Roderick is seated, dressed in a suit coat and tie.
RMR: And when those yak horns bellow, well, that's where my partner comes in and hopefully sodomizes my opponents, long, hard, and preferably without me doing anything but perhaps filming the action and selling the tapes on e-Bay at a ridiculous markup.
Roderick stands up, revealing he's wearing only limited edition Scooby-Doo tighty-whities on his lower body.
RMR: And you know why? Because my partner, The Powermaster, is the master of... power.
Cut to a roller-disco, where Roderick is dressed in polyester hot-pants and a Trampps t-shirt with his hair in a fro with a rainbow headband. And suspenders, can't forget the rainbow suspenders.
RMR: And fokrucity. Can't forget the fokrucity. Now, I don't know exactly what this is, but it sounds pretty nasty. And even if it doesn't involve niche-porn that I can sell on the Internet, it pretty much guarantees that we're going to win.
Cut to a round-table discussion type set up, where Roderick is sitting at the head of the table, dressed up like Dr. Evil. To his left are an overweight brunette in dominatrix gear (that's Helga), an old guy with a shotgun dressed in overalls and a white t-shirt with bite marks around the collar (Rusty Joe). To his right are a buff blond guy in a tight t-shirt flexing ("Rodney McRipped") and a waxen likeness of The Rock that Roderick calls The Wax
RMR: I mean, the guy roamed the malls of New Jersey for crying out loud. I've been to New Jersey, I mean, and I've encountered all the white trash you can find over there. I mean, how do you think I met these guys?
RJ: I be onery!
"RMR": Dude, I am so ripped.
Helga: Heh, when you guys win, we're gonna celebrate by shoving you up my ass!
The camera focuses back on Roderick, who gulps.
Cut to Roderick dressed like one of Santa's elves in Santa's workshop.
RMR: Now, from what I understand though, our opponents are two guys with really nasty pasts that I'm worried about. I've heard that Jean Rabesque likes to have sex with animals, and Steve Johnson shoves sporks up his nose so he can put more cocaine in his lines at the same snorting effort. Now, I'm not going to tell you how I found that out. In fact, there's a good probability that I made that up, and that everythign I've said so far is a blatant lie.
However, if that's not the case, and I'm not lying, then I don't want to have to face some dude on a cocaine bender. I mean, I've been on more than a few cocaine benders in my... ummm, dreams, yeah, dreams. And they're not nice.
Cut to a crowded street.
RMR: However, cocaine benders and sheep violation aside, how are these guys going to keep up with me? I mean, at a moment's notice, I could shove one of them into the path of an oncoming truck like I'm going to do to this senior citizen with the oxygen tank and the cane.
Roderick shoves the geezer into the path of a truck. The truck skids, and just before it's about to hit the old man, we cut to a shot of Roderick standing in a classroom by himself... wearing a CAtholic schoolgirl jumper and knee high stockings.
RMR: The truth is, they're not ready for me. And the odds are that Rabesque is probably some crusty old French guy who never bathes and plans to knock me out with his foul body odor. Well, I have that scouted, and I have the ultimate weapon...
Cut to a still shot of a picture from the classic Who album The Who Sell Out, the one with Pete Townshend and the giant stick of deodorant underneath his armpit, but instead of Pete, Roderick's head is photoshopped on there.
Cut to Roderick, dressed like a pirate at a local video store.
RMR: Yes, that's right, I'd just like to see Rabesque try to counter that. Ha, I have this match won already. So, in closing, this is Roderick McRatrick, signing off and urinating in your cornflakes!
Video Clerk: Hey, are you actually going to pay the late fees on Midget Minxes 16 or am I going to have to break your legs?
RMR: And with that, I'm out!
Fade to the WFW logo
GreggG
Moderator
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2000
- Messages
- 810
- Points
- 18
(CUE UP: The bellowing of a yak's horn, followed by the metal riffs of "Take No Prisoners" by Megadeth. CUT TO: The WFW Event Center, as PowerMaster -- his long hair flowing wildly, day-glo lightning painted on his face, tassles around his biceps, wearing day-glo trunks with alternating fringe streamer trim, starts running in place wildly beating his chest.)
POWERMASTER: FOR 20,000 MILLENIA I HAVE WALKED THIZ PLANET... for 20,000 millenia more I shall CONTINUEEEEEE... for I am the one with FOKRUCITY, who shall allow mankind to reach its full genetic JACKED X-POTENTIAL... for the fokrucity contained within, combined with a 20,000 carb a day diet of MET-REX POWER SHAKEZ allowz me to be the one with full JACKED X-POTENTIAL and AGGGGROOOOOOOOOO INNNNTEEEEENNNNZZIIIIIITTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! (PowerMaster is now lifting his hands over his head, looking up towards the sky, running in place.) FOR I AM NOT A MORTAL, for I am not one of you. The SPIRIT LORDZ ABOVE allow me to take this form in my spirit shell to BRING THE WAYZ OF FOKRUCITY, THE WAYZ OF AGGRO-INTENZITY to the onez who do not understand, do not heed the call of the yak's horn. BUT THEY WILL UNDERZTAND FOR MY IMMORTALITY SHALL LIVE ON AS THE FIRST WFW TAG TEAM CHAMPION... forrrrr I ammmm YOUUURRR POWEERRRRRR MASSSTERRRR!!!!!! (FTB)
POWERMASTER: FOR 20,000 MILLENIA I HAVE WALKED THIZ PLANET... for 20,000 millenia more I shall CONTINUEEEEEE... for I am the one with FOKRUCITY, who shall allow mankind to reach its full genetic JACKED X-POTENTIAL... for the fokrucity contained within, combined with a 20,000 carb a day diet of MET-REX POWER SHAKEZ allowz me to be the one with full JACKED X-POTENTIAL and AGGGGROOOOOOOOOO INNNNTEEEEENNNNZZIIIIIITTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! (PowerMaster is now lifting his hands over his head, looking up towards the sky, running in place.) FOR I AM NOT A MORTAL, for I am not one of you. The SPIRIT LORDZ ABOVE allow me to take this form in my spirit shell to BRING THE WAYZ OF FOKRUCITY, THE WAYZ OF AGGRO-INTENZITY to the onez who do not understand, do not heed the call of the yak's horn. BUT THEY WILL UNDERZTAND FOR MY IMMORTALITY SHALL LIVE ON AS THE FIRST WFW TAG TEAM CHAMPION... forrrrr I ammmm YOUUURRR POWEERRRRRR MASSSTERRRR!!!!!! (FTB)
SteveA
League Member
(The screen comes in on a WFW backdrop, and as we move away, Jean Rabesque can be seen, dressed in the normal gear)
“Lies, too damn many of them, if I had known it was going to be like this..... I wouldn’t be here. I was told it was a haven for men like me, technical giants of the wrestling world. I was told that this place was going to be a place for to be appreciated, for me to go up against men worthy of competition.
“And instead...... I get this. Are you kidding me? Is THIS what the WFW is really all about? Just a few shows in, and the writing is on the wall. I am a world champion, I am the finest technical wrestler alive, and now I have this match against two clowns, with a partner who could give less about the match? This is what I get for signing a WFW contract? I for one hope, upon hope, that this is some kind of sick and twisted joke.
“This first clown, what the hell’s his name? McRatrick? Does this guy know what he’s doing? Is he actually a wrestler? Does he have any clue what to do inside a ring? Because, by the looks of things, at least what I’m seeing right now, he’s better suited for some kind of comedy routine.
“If only he were funny.
“I guess that’s the saddest part of the entire ordeal. People who think they’re funny and try to be funny, and fall pathetically short are exactly that...... pathetic. I mean, what was that promo supposed to accomplish? Was it supposed to make me laugh? Was it supposed to make ANYONE laugh? Was it supposed to have some sort of allegorical meaning that exceeded my comprehension? Hell, do you even know what allegorical means?
“Do you even know who your opponents are? And seriously, come up with something better than ‘Jean Rabesque likes to have sex with animals.’ If you’re going to be crude and obnoxious, and make up stupid thing, at least be original about it.
“So I’ll ask again, what was that supposed to prove? Absolutely nothing! That would be why Mr. McRatrick is a joke and a fraud. That’s what I am upset. I was told the WFW was not going to be things like this. It’s supposed to be men like Larry Tact, men who actually can wrestle, or at least in Larry’s case, could at one time wrestle. It would be men that I could have a hell of a match with, instead of obliterating in 3 and a half minutes. I didn’t come to the WFW to deal with sideshow freaks.
“And while I’m on the subject, why not address this..... Powermaster? And to think I thought Mr. Hellwig retired. Am I honestly supposed to take this seriously? How any respectable promotion can hire this guy, put him in a tournament and throw him to the masses is absolutely beyond me. Am I the only one confused here? He speaks of things that don’t exist, and apparently has a drastically over-inflated view of himself. Hell, the dude can barely move inside the ring. He’ll break in half like all the rest..... power or not.
“And then of course there were the words of partner concerning this match. Or.... maybe there weren’t. Steve, listen up and listen good. I agreed to take you on as my partner because I think you have some potential, and every kid with a little potential needs a little guidance. I am more than willing and ready to provide that to you, but you’re distracted Steve. It appears as though your little title match is taking precedence. Steve, I couldn’t be happier for the fact that you got a shot, but if I feel for one second again that you’re neglecting me and my tag title shot for other things, I WILL END YOU!
“This is something you don’t mess with Steve. The day you signed on as my tag team partner was the day that you committed to winning those belts. You let me down on that Steve, and you may not be around to defend that other title. You get my drift?
“No false gimmicks, no false hype, I am Jean Rabesque.”
(FADEOUT)
“Lies, too damn many of them, if I had known it was going to be like this..... I wouldn’t be here. I was told it was a haven for men like me, technical giants of the wrestling world. I was told that this place was going to be a place for to be appreciated, for me to go up against men worthy of competition.
“And instead...... I get this. Are you kidding me? Is THIS what the WFW is really all about? Just a few shows in, and the writing is on the wall. I am a world champion, I am the finest technical wrestler alive, and now I have this match against two clowns, with a partner who could give less about the match? This is what I get for signing a WFW contract? I for one hope, upon hope, that this is some kind of sick and twisted joke.
“This first clown, what the hell’s his name? McRatrick? Does this guy know what he’s doing? Is he actually a wrestler? Does he have any clue what to do inside a ring? Because, by the looks of things, at least what I’m seeing right now, he’s better suited for some kind of comedy routine.
“If only he were funny.
“I guess that’s the saddest part of the entire ordeal. People who think they’re funny and try to be funny, and fall pathetically short are exactly that...... pathetic. I mean, what was that promo supposed to accomplish? Was it supposed to make me laugh? Was it supposed to make ANYONE laugh? Was it supposed to have some sort of allegorical meaning that exceeded my comprehension? Hell, do you even know what allegorical means?
“Do you even know who your opponents are? And seriously, come up with something better than ‘Jean Rabesque likes to have sex with animals.’ If you’re going to be crude and obnoxious, and make up stupid thing, at least be original about it.
“So I’ll ask again, what was that supposed to prove? Absolutely nothing! That would be why Mr. McRatrick is a joke and a fraud. That’s what I am upset. I was told the WFW was not going to be things like this. It’s supposed to be men like Larry Tact, men who actually can wrestle, or at least in Larry’s case, could at one time wrestle. It would be men that I could have a hell of a match with, instead of obliterating in 3 and a half minutes. I didn’t come to the WFW to deal with sideshow freaks.
“And while I’m on the subject, why not address this..... Powermaster? And to think I thought Mr. Hellwig retired. Am I honestly supposed to take this seriously? How any respectable promotion can hire this guy, put him in a tournament and throw him to the masses is absolutely beyond me. Am I the only one confused here? He speaks of things that don’t exist, and apparently has a drastically over-inflated view of himself. Hell, the dude can barely move inside the ring. He’ll break in half like all the rest..... power or not.
“And then of course there were the words of partner concerning this match. Or.... maybe there weren’t. Steve, listen up and listen good. I agreed to take you on as my partner because I think you have some potential, and every kid with a little potential needs a little guidance. I am more than willing and ready to provide that to you, but you’re distracted Steve. It appears as though your little title match is taking precedence. Steve, I couldn’t be happier for the fact that you got a shot, but if I feel for one second again that you’re neglecting me and my tag title shot for other things, I WILL END YOU!
“This is something you don’t mess with Steve. The day you signed on as my tag team partner was the day that you committed to winning those belts. You let me down on that Steve, and you may not be around to defend that other title. You get my drift?
“No false gimmicks, no false hype, I am Jean Rabesque.”
(FADEOUT)
TH
Active member
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2004
- Messages
- 2,953
- Points
- 36
- Age
- 42
- Location
- Philadelphia
- Website
- wallsofjerichoholic.blogspot.com
Enter Squiggy
The scene is a stage in front of a WFW backdrop. The camera zooms out to reveal Roderick McRatrick standing by waiting to be interviewed by...
...yep, you guessed it...
Frank Stallone.
NOT Frank Stallone: Hey, I'm not Frank Stallone!
Sorry, by former A1E interviewer and now, special guest WFW interviewer, Squiggy Jackson.
SJ: Thanks, I think.
Hey, don't mention it.
SJ: Anyway, I'm standing by with Roderick McRatrick, who's putting on rouge...
RMR: It's blush, Squiggy. Whores use rouge. High class wimmins use blush.
SJ: But that doesn't explain why you, a grown man of... of... however many years old you are...
RMR: Three-hundred twenty-six.
SJ: You can't be that old.
RMR: Yes, I am. And I can provide proof. Look, here's my birth certificate. It says I was born in 1679.
Roderick hands Squiggy a paper. Squiggy reads.
SJ: This isn't a birth certificate. It's a restraining order against you issued by Joey Fatone.
RMR: Oh, crap, well, here, how about this...
SJ: (shoving Roddy's hand out of his path) I don't want any more of your bogus documents.
RMR: But that was a real restraining order.
SJ: Sigh... I forgot what we were talking about.
RMR: Oh, we were talking about why I was applying blush.
SJ: That's right yeah... so, uh, why are you applying blush?
RMR: It's not blush, it's rouge. Only whores wear blush, I'm...
SJ: ANSWER THE QUESTION!
RMR: Sheesh, what crawled up your ass this morning? I hope it wasn't a crooked penis because I know... I mean, heard that can be...
SJ: You're not answering the question.
RMR: Come on, you get paid by the hour, right?
Right?
Squiggy's tapping his feet now.
RMR: Alright, well, if you must know, I'm doing it to throw off Rabesque. You know, make him think I'm a woman. I got the whole compact here, eyeliner, lipstick, eyeshadow, eye black...
SJ: Wait a second... eye black?
RMR: Eye black, who said eye black?
SJ: You.. never mind, what I want to know is, how are you going to throw off Rabesque by looking like a woman when you still ahve that moustache?
RMR: C'mon, he won't know the difference. He's French. French women have moustaches.
SJ: You never cease to amaze me, you know that?
RMR: That's what my parole officer said last night.
SJ: You... I... nevermind... anyway, you may need to do more than put on makeup to outfox Jean Rabesque. He's regarded as the finest technical wrestler in the world.
RMR: That's what they said about Dan Rather, and I totally kicked his ass, didn't I?
SJ: Yes you did, and you're lucky that it was on International waters, which still baffles me to this day why both of you were on the same speedboat at the same time...
RMR: Inconsequential details, you know...
SJ: No, I don't know. But what I do know is Rabesque is seriously questioning whether you'll know what you're doing in the ring.
RMR: Of course I do. I mean, I'm still the A1E Triple Star Champion...
SJ: No, I think it's been well documented that you lost that title a long time ago...
RMR: But I still have it... look...
Roderick pulls out his fake Triple Star Title... which is oddly enough pixellated by WFW TV, even though it's fake and from waht I can see behind the pixellations, in pretty bad shape.
SJ: Jesus, look, the nameplate's fallen off, there's some tomato soup crust on it and... oh my, it's not even a replica of the Triple Star Title. It's just a belt. A regular belt.
RMR: Shut up. It's my title belt, and I won it, fair and square.
SJ: You've never won anything fair and square in your entire life.
RMR: ...touchè. But seriously, Rabesque has got it all wrong here. I'm a master of wrestling. I mean, I have the most feared hold in all of wrestling at my disposal...
THE BALL VISE!
SJ: Dude, that move isn't even legal.
RMR: Well, umm, I... well I do have that other move, you know, it's that Stroke looking thingy I do, the... Backstaller... no, the BAck to the Future... umm... oh, I got it, the Backstabber, yeah, the Backstabber! That's a cool move.
SJ: Jesus, you can't even remember the name to your own finisher. Do you know any other moves?
RMR: Sure, sure I do, umm, there's the... hey, look over there, it's Paris Hilton and she's giving out free handjobs!
SJ: I'm not falling for that again.
RMR: Well.. umm... well I know plenty of other moves. It's just I don't want to give away any strategy to that Rabesque person. Not because I know he's gonna use it against me, but, you know... because he's stinky.
SJ: I... you know what, I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response more than this.
RMR: Awesome. Does that mean my interview's over? Because I need to pick up my gown from the dry cleaners and pick up a new pair of pumps.
SJ: That's just disturbing.
RMR: Thanks! I try!
And with that, Roderick's off as Squiggy sighs and the screen fades to the WFW logo.
The scene is a stage in front of a WFW backdrop. The camera zooms out to reveal Roderick McRatrick standing by waiting to be interviewed by...
...yep, you guessed it...
Frank Stallone.
NOT Frank Stallone: Hey, I'm not Frank Stallone!
Sorry, by former A1E interviewer and now, special guest WFW interviewer, Squiggy Jackson.
SJ: Thanks, I think.
Hey, don't mention it.
SJ: Anyway, I'm standing by with Roderick McRatrick, who's putting on rouge...
RMR: It's blush, Squiggy. Whores use rouge. High class wimmins use blush.
SJ: But that doesn't explain why you, a grown man of... of... however many years old you are...
RMR: Three-hundred twenty-six.
SJ: You can't be that old.
RMR: Yes, I am. And I can provide proof. Look, here's my birth certificate. It says I was born in 1679.
Roderick hands Squiggy a paper. Squiggy reads.
SJ: This isn't a birth certificate. It's a restraining order against you issued by Joey Fatone.
RMR: Oh, crap, well, here, how about this...
SJ: (shoving Roddy's hand out of his path) I don't want any more of your bogus documents.
RMR: But that was a real restraining order.
SJ: Sigh... I forgot what we were talking about.
RMR: Oh, we were talking about why I was applying blush.
SJ: That's right yeah... so, uh, why are you applying blush?
RMR: It's not blush, it's rouge. Only whores wear blush, I'm...
SJ: ANSWER THE QUESTION!
RMR: Sheesh, what crawled up your ass this morning? I hope it wasn't a crooked penis because I know... I mean, heard that can be...
SJ: You're not answering the question.
RMR: Come on, you get paid by the hour, right?
Right?
Squiggy's tapping his feet now.
RMR: Alright, well, if you must know, I'm doing it to throw off Rabesque. You know, make him think I'm a woman. I got the whole compact here, eyeliner, lipstick, eyeshadow, eye black...
SJ: Wait a second... eye black?
RMR: Eye black, who said eye black?
SJ: You.. never mind, what I want to know is, how are you going to throw off Rabesque by looking like a woman when you still ahve that moustache?
RMR: C'mon, he won't know the difference. He's French. French women have moustaches.
SJ: You never cease to amaze me, you know that?
RMR: That's what my parole officer said last night.
SJ: You... I... nevermind... anyway, you may need to do more than put on makeup to outfox Jean Rabesque. He's regarded as the finest technical wrestler in the world.
RMR: That's what they said about Dan Rather, and I totally kicked his ass, didn't I?
SJ: Yes you did, and you're lucky that it was on International waters, which still baffles me to this day why both of you were on the same speedboat at the same time...
RMR: Inconsequential details, you know...
SJ: No, I don't know. But what I do know is Rabesque is seriously questioning whether you'll know what you're doing in the ring.
RMR: Of course I do. I mean, I'm still the A1E Triple Star Champion...
SJ: No, I think it's been well documented that you lost that title a long time ago...
RMR: But I still have it... look...
Roderick pulls out his fake Triple Star Title... which is oddly enough pixellated by WFW TV, even though it's fake and from waht I can see behind the pixellations, in pretty bad shape.
SJ: Jesus, look, the nameplate's fallen off, there's some tomato soup crust on it and... oh my, it's not even a replica of the Triple Star Title. It's just a belt. A regular belt.
RMR: Shut up. It's my title belt, and I won it, fair and square.
SJ: You've never won anything fair and square in your entire life.
RMR: ...touchè. But seriously, Rabesque has got it all wrong here. I'm a master of wrestling. I mean, I have the most feared hold in all of wrestling at my disposal...
THE BALL VISE!
SJ: Dude, that move isn't even legal.
RMR: Well, umm, I... well I do have that other move, you know, it's that Stroke looking thingy I do, the... Backstaller... no, the BAck to the Future... umm... oh, I got it, the Backstabber, yeah, the Backstabber! That's a cool move.
SJ: Jesus, you can't even remember the name to your own finisher. Do you know any other moves?
RMR: Sure, sure I do, umm, there's the... hey, look over there, it's Paris Hilton and she's giving out free handjobs!
SJ: I'm not falling for that again.
RMR: Well.. umm... well I know plenty of other moves. It's just I don't want to give away any strategy to that Rabesque person. Not because I know he's gonna use it against me, but, you know... because he's stinky.
SJ: I... you know what, I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response more than this.
RMR: Awesome. Does that mean my interview's over? Because I need to pick up my gown from the dry cleaners and pick up a new pair of pumps.
SJ: That's just disturbing.
RMR: Thanks! I try!
And with that, Roderick's off as Squiggy sighs and the screen fades to the WFW logo.
Alex Miami
League Member
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2004
- Messages
- 41
- Points
- 0
(Fade into Steve Johnson standing in front of the WFW backdrop wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. He looks a little haggard with some bags under his eyes, but he is still smiling. His eyes carry an intense look.)
I came into wrestling because I loved the game. I came into wrestling because of men like my partner. I excelled at wrestling at Ohio State because I worked harder than anyone else. I entered this tournament because of the opportunity to wrestle with one of the best “wrestlers” in the federation.
But after hearing my opponents, I realized that this match isn’t about why I came into this federation or why I am tagging with Rabesque, but it is about how the fans can’t suffer the indignity of a bad product. I see these two guys and I am startled by what would happen if these guys actually advanced past me and Rabesque. How would the landscape in the WFW change?
In a world where Jean and I don’t advance, the technical aspects of what this sport are about die. In the world where the Powermaster and Roderick advance I could see this federation losing a cornerstone of what makes it great.
Roderick I am tired of guys like you making unfounded accusations about things that you know nothing about. I can’t stand people making jokes at the expense of not me, but the sport that I care so much about. I make no doubt in my mind, that Rabesque and I are something this sport needs to ensure its vitality. You can keep making your insane claims, but at the end of the day when I have planted your face in the mat, and then Rabesque puts you in a figure four, it will truly put everything you have said into perspective.
As for you Powermaster, you make Barry Bonds look like a saint. I can’t have you walking around this arena as a winner. The fans, entertainers, and American Senate want people like you to answer to them. I won’t tolerate a cheater juicing up trying to beat me. I gurantee though, that when a big guy like you starts swinging at me, that I will take you down with scientific wrestling to ensure that those muscular arms you use to poison this sport and your body never function again.
I am taking this opportunity in this match to hold all those accountable who are sullying our sport and our livelihood like the crap on the other side of the ring. I won’t be the nice rookie anymore who keeps quiet, and instead I want to use any ounce of legitimacy I have to retire guys who rely on cheap cracks and cheap crap to keep their careers going.
Roderick and Powermaster you may be bigger, more experienced, and even funnier, but come Great Expectations you will have to answer to my “Love of the Game.”
Fade out
I came into wrestling because I loved the game. I came into wrestling because of men like my partner. I excelled at wrestling at Ohio State because I worked harder than anyone else. I entered this tournament because of the opportunity to wrestle with one of the best “wrestlers” in the federation.
But after hearing my opponents, I realized that this match isn’t about why I came into this federation or why I am tagging with Rabesque, but it is about how the fans can’t suffer the indignity of a bad product. I see these two guys and I am startled by what would happen if these guys actually advanced past me and Rabesque. How would the landscape in the WFW change?
In a world where Jean and I don’t advance, the technical aspects of what this sport are about die. In the world where the Powermaster and Roderick advance I could see this federation losing a cornerstone of what makes it great.
Roderick I am tired of guys like you making unfounded accusations about things that you know nothing about. I can’t stand people making jokes at the expense of not me, but the sport that I care so much about. I make no doubt in my mind, that Rabesque and I are something this sport needs to ensure its vitality. You can keep making your insane claims, but at the end of the day when I have planted your face in the mat, and then Rabesque puts you in a figure four, it will truly put everything you have said into perspective.
As for you Powermaster, you make Barry Bonds look like a saint. I can’t have you walking around this arena as a winner. The fans, entertainers, and American Senate want people like you to answer to them. I won’t tolerate a cheater juicing up trying to beat me. I gurantee though, that when a big guy like you starts swinging at me, that I will take you down with scientific wrestling to ensure that those muscular arms you use to poison this sport and your body never function again.
I am taking this opportunity in this match to hold all those accountable who are sullying our sport and our livelihood like the crap on the other side of the ring. I won’t be the nice rookie anymore who keeps quiet, and instead I want to use any ounce of legitimacy I have to retire guys who rely on cheap cracks and cheap crap to keep their careers going.
Roderick and Powermaster you may be bigger, more experienced, and even funnier, but come Great Expectations you will have to answer to my “Love of the Game.”
Fade out
Alex Miami
League Member
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2004
- Messages
- 41
- Points
- 0
sorry the board hates me
TH
Active member
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2004
- Messages
- 2,953
- Points
- 36
- Age
- 42
- Location
- Philadelphia
- Website
- wallsofjerichoholic.blogspot.com
Bakeware theatre
The scene is... a close up of a table. From the left, a hand dances in a circle shaped cookie cutter, and from the right, another hand dances in a penis shaped cookie cutter... presumably bought from Condom Kingdom or Erogenous Zones on South Street in Philadelphia (CHEAP PLUG!). As each cutter "talks," it dances back and forth guided by its respective hand.
Circle-shaped cookie cutter: Hello Steve Johnson!
Penis-shaped cookie cutter: Hello Jean Rabesque!
CSCC: How are you doing today on this fine afternoon?
PSCC: I am doing okay, for I have just got done training, banging my girlfriend who is a Victoria's Secret model and reminding everyone that I am a big and mean wrestler who used to go to THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY!
CSCC: That surely is impressive.
PSCC: I don't care if that's what you call your sheep when you violate them, but please don't call me Shirley.
CSCC: I will try not to as long as you don't go sniffing markers and girls' bicycle seats before our match.
PSCC: Okay, I can promise the former, but I am a world renowned pringler.
Squiggy Jackson voiceover: Alright alright, what the hell is a pringler?
Roderick McRatrick voiceover: Don't interrupt me like this, you ass.
SJ V/O: How do you expect me to keep up with this if I don't know what a pringler is?
RMR V/O: Alright, alright, a pringler is one who sniffs bicycle seats, preferably of children.
SJ V/O: That's... vile.
RMR V/O: I know, I have great respect for pringlers worldwide.
SJ V/O: I think I'm going to throw up.
RMR V/O: Not until I'm done this, ass.
Back to the cookie cutter action!
CSCC: Anyway, do you want to tell everyone how we're going to beat those comedy acts again?
PSCC: Yes, because we are the most awesomest technical wrestlers who have ever lived and then some. You may start, for you are Rabesquedor the Borinator and are a legend.
CSCC: Thank you, now, I must say that while I am not above sleeping with transvestite midget hookers, I am above wrestling against people who don't take me seriously. I am the best wrestler in the world and I deserve to be taken seriously! If not, then how else will I continue to win matches? Aside from boring people to death and then pinning them while they are sleeping? Well... that's the only way I can win! Because if I show some personality, then my head will probably explode into 213492490 different pieces. Now, my partner will say something. Steve?
Steve?
Suddenly, a trapezoidal shaped cookie cutter drops in from the sky.
TSCC: Eh Steve!
PSCC: I'm sorry. I must have dozed off.
CSCC: It's okay. I have that effect on people.
PSCC: Anyway, now, I shall tell you that your insane claims and steroid abuse are no match for me. Why? Because I went to THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY! I am friends with Maurice Clarett! Boosters gave me money and gay sex to stay there and win two national championships! Other random generic comment to end with exclamation point! And that is why myself and Jean Rabesque will win the WFW Tag Team Championships!
CSCC and PSCC: TA-DAAA!
The camera zooms out to reveal Roderick holding the cookie cutters and Squiggy covering his eyes and shaking his head.
RMR: So Squigman, what did you think about that?
SJ: I want my five minutes back.
RMR: I would give them back to you, but I already promised I'd give htem to "Rodney McRipped" so he could use them to get more buff.
SJ: I... I'm speechless.
RMR: Good! That way, I can go back to preparing for my next round match without having to break a sweat.
SJ: What? You're realy not taking Rabesque and Johnson that seriously?
RMR: Of course not. You heard Johnson. He received money and favors from boosters at THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY! He'll go on probation and we'll win the match by forfeit.
SJ: THAT WAS YOU WHO SAID THAT!
RMR: Oh, me, Steve Johnson, Tony Danza, what difference does it make? Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go prepare...
Roderick takes his cookie cutters and heads off as the scene fades to the WFW logo.
The scene is... a close up of a table. From the left, a hand dances in a circle shaped cookie cutter, and from the right, another hand dances in a penis shaped cookie cutter... presumably bought from Condom Kingdom or Erogenous Zones on South Street in Philadelphia (CHEAP PLUG!). As each cutter "talks," it dances back and forth guided by its respective hand.
Circle-shaped cookie cutter: Hello Steve Johnson!
Penis-shaped cookie cutter: Hello Jean Rabesque!
CSCC: How are you doing today on this fine afternoon?
PSCC: I am doing okay, for I have just got done training, banging my girlfriend who is a Victoria's Secret model and reminding everyone that I am a big and mean wrestler who used to go to THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY!
CSCC: That surely is impressive.
PSCC: I don't care if that's what you call your sheep when you violate them, but please don't call me Shirley.
CSCC: I will try not to as long as you don't go sniffing markers and girls' bicycle seats before our match.
PSCC: Okay, I can promise the former, but I am a world renowned pringler.
Squiggy Jackson voiceover: Alright alright, what the hell is a pringler?
Roderick McRatrick voiceover: Don't interrupt me like this, you ass.
SJ V/O: How do you expect me to keep up with this if I don't know what a pringler is?
RMR V/O: Alright, alright, a pringler is one who sniffs bicycle seats, preferably of children.
SJ V/O: That's... vile.
RMR V/O: I know, I have great respect for pringlers worldwide.
SJ V/O: I think I'm going to throw up.
RMR V/O: Not until I'm done this, ass.
Back to the cookie cutter action!
CSCC: Anyway, do you want to tell everyone how we're going to beat those comedy acts again?
PSCC: Yes, because we are the most awesomest technical wrestlers who have ever lived and then some. You may start, for you are Rabesquedor the Borinator and are a legend.
CSCC: Thank you, now, I must say that while I am not above sleeping with transvestite midget hookers, I am above wrestling against people who don't take me seriously. I am the best wrestler in the world and I deserve to be taken seriously! If not, then how else will I continue to win matches? Aside from boring people to death and then pinning them while they are sleeping? Well... that's the only way I can win! Because if I show some personality, then my head will probably explode into 213492490 different pieces. Now, my partner will say something. Steve?
Steve?
Suddenly, a trapezoidal shaped cookie cutter drops in from the sky.
TSCC: Eh Steve!
PSCC: I'm sorry. I must have dozed off.
CSCC: It's okay. I have that effect on people.
PSCC: Anyway, now, I shall tell you that your insane claims and steroid abuse are no match for me. Why? Because I went to THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY! I am friends with Maurice Clarett! Boosters gave me money and gay sex to stay there and win two national championships! Other random generic comment to end with exclamation point! And that is why myself and Jean Rabesque will win the WFW Tag Team Championships!
CSCC and PSCC: TA-DAAA!
The camera zooms out to reveal Roderick holding the cookie cutters and Squiggy covering his eyes and shaking his head.
RMR: So Squigman, what did you think about that?
SJ: I want my five minutes back.
RMR: I would give them back to you, but I already promised I'd give htem to "Rodney McRipped" so he could use them to get more buff.
SJ: I... I'm speechless.
RMR: Good! That way, I can go back to preparing for my next round match without having to break a sweat.
SJ: What? You're realy not taking Rabesque and Johnson that seriously?
RMR: Of course not. You heard Johnson. He received money and favors from boosters at THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY! He'll go on probation and we'll win the match by forfeit.
SJ: THAT WAS YOU WHO SAID THAT!
RMR: Oh, me, Steve Johnson, Tony Danza, what difference does it make? Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go prepare...
Roderick takes his cookie cutters and heads off as the scene fades to the WFW logo.
TH
Active member
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2004
- Messages
- 2,953
- Points
- 36
- Age
- 42
- Location
- Philadelphia
- Website
- wallsofjerichoholic.blogspot.com
Re: Bakeware theatre
To register the post...
To register the post...
Alex Miami
League Member
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2004
- Messages
- 41
- Points
- 0
(Fade into Steve Johnson standing in front of the WFW backdrop wearing baggy bootcut jeans, wfw t-shirt, and an Ohio State Baseball cap backwards. )
It seems like every match I have here someone tries taking shots at me, my family, my college, and my style of wrestling. Why should I have to dignify such baseless and useless bits of conversation. I wonder what are the fans getting of seeing you guys play grab ass with a bunch of cookie cutters? Am I supposed to be intimidated? Do you think Jean Rabesque hasn't experienced the crap you guys have tried pulling for the past ten years in his rise to the top? If I weren't so much younger than you guys, I'd say you are in line for big time beating one suplex at a time.
I may not know much about either of you, but what I know about myself is what has gotten me to where I am today. I know that when the chips are down I will not overlook how important it is to beat both of you before I beat Jared Wells. I know how important it is to take you guys seriously,but cmon you guys couldn't even make the cut at some Frat House let alone this federation. Roderick you can make all the jokes you want, but come Great Expectations I will take great pleasure in beating the child out of you and pinning whatever man is in you.
As for the Powermaster, where oh where are you? Are you busy trying to find some other adult toy to compare me to? Juicing up on some steroids so that you can try putting me in my place? It doesn't matter where you are, because at Great Expectations I expect to beat you greatly.
Jean these guys are throwing you softballs, its time for you to hit them out of the park.
Fade Out
It seems like every match I have here someone tries taking shots at me, my family, my college, and my style of wrestling. Why should I have to dignify such baseless and useless bits of conversation. I wonder what are the fans getting of seeing you guys play grab ass with a bunch of cookie cutters? Am I supposed to be intimidated? Do you think Jean Rabesque hasn't experienced the crap you guys have tried pulling for the past ten years in his rise to the top? If I weren't so much younger than you guys, I'd say you are in line for big time beating one suplex at a time.
I may not know much about either of you, but what I know about myself is what has gotten me to where I am today. I know that when the chips are down I will not overlook how important it is to beat both of you before I beat Jared Wells. I know how important it is to take you guys seriously,but cmon you guys couldn't even make the cut at some Frat House let alone this federation. Roderick you can make all the jokes you want, but come Great Expectations I will take great pleasure in beating the child out of you and pinning whatever man is in you.
As for the Powermaster, where oh where are you? Are you busy trying to find some other adult toy to compare me to? Juicing up on some steroids so that you can try putting me in my place? It doesn't matter where you are, because at Great Expectations I expect to beat you greatly.
Jean these guys are throwing you softballs, its time for you to hit them out of the park.
Fade Out
SteveA
League Member
(The screen comes in on a WFW backdrop, Jean Rabesque standing in front of it, wearing the normal gear, you know the drill)
“You know Steve, I honestly appreciate the sentiment, and you’re right, they are serving up softballs, but deep down, way down in my heart, I’m having trouble pulling the trigger. I have to be honest about this, in fact, I really feel sorry for the both of them. One, a roided out Hellwig freak, and another, well..... who can even dignify this?
“I just really think it’s sad that there is a man out there that can actually think that there are people that want to see this. Is this supposed to be some kind of character development? Like the first one of his moronic spots, were we supposed to laugh at this?
“I’ve been around long enough and I’ve been lampooned enough to know a good gag when I see one. Hell, ‘The Jean Rabesque Show,’ is considered by many to be a gold standard in the genre, but this remains an absolute joke. How this chump got a job in this company in the first place is absolutely beyond me.
“But let me get one thing straight to make sure I got all the facts. You have the ability to make un-funny caricatures of us, and this will help you win a wrestling match how? How is any of this going to matter when the bell rings? I simply cannot figure it out to save my life. Maybe if it were witty, and I don’t know, actually funny, people could get behind you. Maybe the cheering would help. Maybe if it were actually..... intelligent enough to insult people, they might boo, and maybe that’s what drives you. But how is putting something out there that absolutely NO ONE wants to see..... going to help?
“To answer that question, it won’t. But I’ll tell you right now what will make a difference. The fact that you’re going to step into the ring with the greatest wrestler alive, and a man that has the looks that he might be able to eventually someday take that crown from me. If you survive this match with your neck in one piece, it will be an absolute miracle, because you’re going to see an exhibition unlike anything the WFW has seen before.
“I’m generally pretty choosy about tag team partners, but Steve’s got it going on. Hell, I live part-time in Columbus as it is, so there’s one right there. I actually had a few opportunities to sit in the crowd at Ohio State and watch the man, and I could see first hand what he is capable of. The transition to our business was just the next natural progression. What I don’t do to you two Steve will take care of, and as long as he stays under my tutelage, you will not be able to stop him.
“Of course, either one of us could come out with some kind of ridiculous skit to try to counter those pieces of garbage that we’ve had to witness..... but why? Why lower ourselves to that standard when we there is already no possible way you can defend us in the middle of the ring?
“So therefore I’m going to take the road until the match starts. But once that bell rings, I am going to drop you both on your head so many times you will never have to worry about insulting the intelligence of the WFW fans. Hell, I’m pretty confident I could win this by myself, put somebody who has a damn clue with me like I do now, and we’re pretty much unstoppable, and no stupid puppet caricature is going to change that.
“No false gimmicks, no false hype, I am Jean Rabesque.”
“You know Steve, I honestly appreciate the sentiment, and you’re right, they are serving up softballs, but deep down, way down in my heart, I’m having trouble pulling the trigger. I have to be honest about this, in fact, I really feel sorry for the both of them. One, a roided out Hellwig freak, and another, well..... who can even dignify this?
“I just really think it’s sad that there is a man out there that can actually think that there are people that want to see this. Is this supposed to be some kind of character development? Like the first one of his moronic spots, were we supposed to laugh at this?
“I’ve been around long enough and I’ve been lampooned enough to know a good gag when I see one. Hell, ‘The Jean Rabesque Show,’ is considered by many to be a gold standard in the genre, but this remains an absolute joke. How this chump got a job in this company in the first place is absolutely beyond me.
“But let me get one thing straight to make sure I got all the facts. You have the ability to make un-funny caricatures of us, and this will help you win a wrestling match how? How is any of this going to matter when the bell rings? I simply cannot figure it out to save my life. Maybe if it were witty, and I don’t know, actually funny, people could get behind you. Maybe the cheering would help. Maybe if it were actually..... intelligent enough to insult people, they might boo, and maybe that’s what drives you. But how is putting something out there that absolutely NO ONE wants to see..... going to help?
“To answer that question, it won’t. But I’ll tell you right now what will make a difference. The fact that you’re going to step into the ring with the greatest wrestler alive, and a man that has the looks that he might be able to eventually someday take that crown from me. If you survive this match with your neck in one piece, it will be an absolute miracle, because you’re going to see an exhibition unlike anything the WFW has seen before.
“I’m generally pretty choosy about tag team partners, but Steve’s got it going on. Hell, I live part-time in Columbus as it is, so there’s one right there. I actually had a few opportunities to sit in the crowd at Ohio State and watch the man, and I could see first hand what he is capable of. The transition to our business was just the next natural progression. What I don’t do to you two Steve will take care of, and as long as he stays under my tutelage, you will not be able to stop him.
“Of course, either one of us could come out with some kind of ridiculous skit to try to counter those pieces of garbage that we’ve had to witness..... but why? Why lower ourselves to that standard when we there is already no possible way you can defend us in the middle of the ring?
“So therefore I’m going to take the road until the match starts. But once that bell rings, I am going to drop you both on your head so many times you will never have to worry about insulting the intelligence of the WFW fans. Hell, I’m pretty confident I could win this by myself, put somebody who has a damn clue with me like I do now, and we’re pretty much unstoppable, and no stupid puppet caricature is going to change that.
“No false gimmicks, no false hype, I am Jean Rabesque.”