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RP Museum (Old RP)

ShawnHartXXX

The Phenom
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
900
Points
0
Age
42
Location
Salt Lake City, UT
Re: Week 3 (New Year's) - Elvis Aaron Presley v. The Living Dead

Is it just me, or is FW not updating threads/showing the proper reply count again?
 

John Doe

The Anorexic Ethiopian
Joined
Feb 2, 2004
Messages
996
Points
0
Age
37
Location
Chicago, IL
Website
www.facebook.com
Re: Week 3 (New Year's) - El Gordo Grande v. Shorty

FADEIN.

Las Vegas strip, El Gordo Grande is walking down the street camera behind him his mask is off. The camera is following him as he sits down the camera turns in front of him a blur over his face.

EGG:

“You better believe I have perfect grammar, and it is because unlike you Shorty I want to succeed in life. No scripts Shorty, no gimmicks, what you see is what you get. Trust me, I fully deliver. There are reasons for my anger about your incorrect English. It’s the fact that I have been a citizen of this country for a couple months, and I speak better than a man grown and raised here. Do you find that odd Shorty? I don’t I find it as though I am becoming a respectable man of this country.”

“As for your racist remark about me traveling the border, well Shorty such quaint remarks would be expected from a man of such low caliber. It’s men such as yourself that make me look like an all star. But mind you the point of out little conversation here Shorty is to prove why I am better than you in the ring. You already have proved that I am better than you verbally.”

“You made it as far as high school. You find it as though that is something to be proud of Shorty. College is where it’s at. Something you are too dull to attend. Something I have applied for. The fact is you didn’t investigate my background before you ran your mouth. I was the top of my class in high school, I studied English inside out. That’s why I can talk properly.”

“You assumed that I am an illegal alien. No Shorty I have citizenship here, if I didn’t I wouldn’t be working now would I? Your idiotic points within your promotions are a laughing stock to this company, its sponsors and the fans. You have had more chances to shove soap in my throat? Shorty I have never seen you in my life, what chances have revealed themselves to you. You proved my exact point by stating you haven’t received any opportunity to go to college.”

“Fact is: You as bright as a dull light bulb.”

“I have done nothing Shorty? I have done more than you have, isn’t that correct? I have put time and effort to build this federation from it’s feet. I have been here since day one. Where were you day one Shorty? Oh yes, you were nowhere doing nothing. Me an egomaniac? Not at all Shorty, I just put myself on a higher standard than you. And I am allowed to because I am that much better.”

“By the way Shorty, I do think your faking that you are a gangster, a true gangster wouldn’t have to address that fact that he is. A real gangster proves he is by the actins he performs. You are all talk no walk Shorty, your faith in yourself will be your undoing.”

“Oh, Shorty, I also think you have no clue what the hell you are talking about. You have no love for this sport, you called me a luchador. Do you know what lucha is Shorty? Lucha is then everything is reversed and moves are fed to the right instead of the left. Obviously you know nothing of the sport and never will.”

“See Shorty, I respect everyone in this promotion except for you. It may mean nothing to you. But it means everything to me. Respect is what holds us together. Come our match the only thin holding you together will be your tendons.”

FADEOUT
 
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SteveA

League Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
208
Points
0
Age
43
Location
In a van down by the river
Re: Week 3 (New Year's) - Jonathan Nash v. Bill Bellmoth

(FADEIN: A handheld camera, very unsteady, very ‘Blair Witch’ like, it is moving down several dark corridors, the guy behind the camera obviously not very confident of where he is going, the low guy on the totem pole who got the worst assignment, suddenly we hear a moan down one of the hallways and we reluctantly follow down, and then we see a figure in a distance, sitting up against a wall, head into his legs, his knees bent, as the camera comes closer we see his clothes are tattered, but when he raises his head, we can see the blood trickling down his face, this man was once one of the true young lions of wrestling, and this is what he has now become, this is Jonathan Nash)

“They said you were coming, so that we should be expecting you. It has been a long, long time since anyone has come to seek out our services. It must be a unique place, one that does not wish to leave anyone with an easy stomach. It must be a place that thrives on the pain of others, this... Las Vegas. We were there a long time ago, but that was a much different time.

“The world was a happy place then. We were amongst the beautiful people. Everybody paid money to come see us wrestle, BUT NOT ANYMORE! NOW NO ONE WANTS TO SEE US! NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THIS DISFIGURED FACE!”

(Nash slowly begins sobbing quietly to himself)

“But I will make them want to see us. They will absolutely want to see what the maniac will do next. They want to see just how crazy he is going to be. They see I don’t feel pain, that it just becomes a constant, but I feel the pain. I feel it curdling through me, and it is the only thing that keeps me going through the night.

“You live an amazing existence when pain is your only friend, your only visitors the rats that search for crumbs and become your meal. (Laughs) But people will embrace us, they will embrace the madness.

“People enjoy seeing the oddities, they enjoy what they do not comprehend, and they will not comprehend us. NO! THEY HATE US! STOP IT! THEY WILL LOVE US! F*** YOU! NO! F**** YOU!!”

(He begins spasming and going into pseudo-convulsions, the camera shaking even more as our poor camera man tries to stand motionless, and after over a minute of shaking, Nash again returns to a quiet, subdued man)

“I’m sorry about that, sometimes we just can’t get it all together. But as I was saying, people will embrace the madness. They will want to see how far the man who enjoys pain will go. And pity be it to any man that comes up against me.

“You have to ask yourself.... if a man has absolutely no regard for his own body, how will he regard others?”

(He begins laughing hysterically)

“I guess you’re going to have to tune in to find out.”

(Nash begins crackling frantically as the cameraman retreats frantically, FADEOUT)
 

NotorisSTD

League Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
397
Points
0
Age
40
Location
Boston and other places.
Where nightmares are the best part of my day

ORPP – Sorry, sorry, I know I dropped the ball, everything’s been kinda f(bleep)ked up on my end, I’ll try to do better next time…Sorry especially to JA.)


(CUEUP: “third season” by AFI….)
(CUTTO: A seedy motel room, somewhere on the outskirts on Reno Nevada. The lights are off, and a large mound of human lies curled up on the bed, eye squinting, lip bitten, cold sweat…we hear voices in the background….)

COLD, MECHANICAL V/O: We’re building a brave new company, and you don’t fit in anymore.

WOMAN’S V/O: The last three years meant nothing. You are a tool.

YOUNG BOY’S V/O: You failed us…

TOXICK WHITE (anyone remember him?) V/O: I always knew you’d come back. You never really had any choice but to come back. You belong to the madness. You will never be a person. This is all you are.

GREY: F(bleep)K NO!!! NOT AGAIN!!! (sits up, panting, eyes wide, startled as hell…)

(about 20 seconds pass with mitch staring at the wall….Then Mitch rolls over and clamps the pillow around his head…Then the cell phone on the nightstand rings…)

GREY: (picks up the phone) Yeah?....Who says?.....Ugh, yeah…whatever….

(rolls out of bed, scratches his eyes, and puts his socks on…)
 

thegr817deuce

League Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2004
Messages
438
Points
0
Age
40
Re: Week 3 (New Year's) - The Web Browser v. William Simmons

We fade into what appears to be a soup kitchen lunch line. An old black man, wearing a toboggan and what would be called a sweater, passes by as something resembling green mashed potatoes is slapped on his plate. As the camera stays focused ahead, the black man exits the shot and a man with a crooked tie and ripped white dress shirt steps into the spot. We notice that this man is the best damn data processor in LVW, The Web Browser. He watches the slop hit his plate as he speaks.

WB: Pfft…

Some kind of land of opportunity.

“Come see the city of lights!”

“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!”

Browser snarls.

WB: Well, let me let you in on another fabulous Las Vegas jingle.

What happens outside of Vegas, leaves you cold and stranded in the damn streets of Vegas.

Browser grabs his tray and makes his way toward the table. He slams down the tray before taking his seat.

WB: What most people don’t realize is that a close to six-digit income doesn’t so jack for you if the right card is played at the wrong time.

It doesn’t matter what the game is, some way or another, the house is going to screw you in the end.

And just like with the house, America will soon get the better of everyone.

Ask the people who were invested at Enron. Ask Nixon…well, he might not answer with being dead and all, but ask Bill Clinton what life on the edge of America is like.

Browser takes a bite out of a biscuit, or at least tries to. He quickly grabs his teeth in pain before launching the biscuit across the room.

WB: And now, just like in America, The Web Browser is being screwed again.

It wasn’t enough for “Wild” Billy D to simply get the win and shake my hand like man.

No. Instead, he had to take the win and run for the hills.

Run for the coverage and sanctity that only the LVW front office could give him.

All I wanted was a damn rematch. A chance to prove to Jimmy Dean and the rest of the morons in LVW that what he did was a once in a lifetime chance.

That once the Browser steps foot into that mind numbing structure that is a wrestling ring, there’s no stopping a man that’s already on the run.

But what do I get instead?

I get a damn rock for a biscuit and a rematch…

With William Simmons.

Browser looks to the ground and shakes his head in disappointment.

WB: You all may remember Mr. Simmons.

I damn near ended his career last time we were in that ring.

And now, he’s begging for a rematch.

Well, guess what. He got his damn rematch.

Can Web Browser get a rematch? Hell no. But William Simmons sure as hell can.

Well, let me tell you what’s going to happen now…

William Simmons is going to get his damn rematch, but he’s not going to like it.

Because this time, I will break his damn neck. And then…

Then, I will get MY rematch with “Cowboy” James. And James too, will feel the wrath of the Web Browser.

And after I break his neck, it will take him a long damn time to download all his information back into that already feeble little mind.

Browser snarls again as he takes a bite of the green mashed potatoes. He quickly spits them out and flips the tray into the air.

Son of a *****!
 

Koby

League Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2005
Messages
123
Points
0
Eye of the Tiger

(FADEIN: Streetsigns, "Fremont St." criss-crossing with "6th St." The camera pans to the right revealing the white outside of the El Cortez parking garage smothered with a shadow, then down to JACK HOUSE.

JACK HOUSE stares into the lens with his lips pursed - white button-down shirt open, white wife-beater underneath against his dark skin, a glimpse of his black slacks in the frame - right hand gently playing with his bearded chin. HOUSE slaps his own chest with the hand, and grunts.)

JACK HOUSE: "Y'all thought Jack House went quiet, huh? Disappear into the night, talkin' gibberish 'bout killin' punk-ass LEGENDS in this here city of fool's gold."

"Naw aw. Jack House been busy. Fools caught wind of the HOUSE wantin' PAYBACK, and they ran and hid, like they do wit' their money... put away on some island - tax shelter they callit. I callit STEALING and HIDING from the HOUSE."

"Well-eye FOUND a couple'em mutha[BEEEEEEEP]as, aw yeah. (Points at glass eye) EYE know where they at, and EYE know how to get to'em. Allits gonna take... is havin' the EYE of the TIGER, and I ain't talkin' no Rocky bull[BEEEEEEP]. Gonna have'ta go out and deal me some (clasps hands) BLACKJACK!"

(HOUSE laughs, then looks closer into the lens.)

"An' after I'm done, I gots some business to take care of IN THE RING. That's right, I seen all the yappin', talk 'bout becomin' the first LVW World Champ, becomin' a NEW LEGEND in this town. ANOTHER mutha[BEEEEEEP]a lyin' and cheatin' his way t'having people call him something he AIN'T."

"Well boys, this is where the HOUSE comes in. The ODDS are on my side. While y'all be askin' for some INSURANCE, I'll be takin' in the BIG PRIZE, and I'mma gonna do it STRAIGHT UP, and do what no one's evah done in Vegas, and that's EARN mah money, and EARN mah bein' called the FIRST - TRUE - LEGEND... of Las Vegas."

"'Cause NOBODY - BEATS - THE HOUSE."

(BLACK)
 
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Koby

League Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2005
Messages
123
Points
0
Championship Madness - Clubs - El Gordo Grande v. "Broadway" Johnny Doll

Your RP here.
 

Koby

League Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2005
Messages
123
Points
0
Championship Madness - Clubs - Hans Nowak v. Bill Bellmoth

Your RP here.
 

Koby

League Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2005
Messages
123
Points
0
Championship Madness - Spades - Shorty v. Olvir Arsvinnar

Your RP here.
 

Koby

League Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2005
Messages
123
Points
0
Championship Madness - Spades - Elvis Aaron Presley v. Jack House

Your RP here.
 

Koby

League Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2005
Messages
123
Points
0
Championship Madness - Hearts - Mitch Grey v. Jonathan Nash

Your RP here.
 

Koby

League Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2005
Messages
123
Points
0
Championship Madness - Hearts - "Hard Hitter" Ben Lerner v. The Web Browser

Your RP here.
 

Koby

League Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2005
Messages
123
Points
0
Championship Madness - Diamonds - Gladiator v. "Cowboy" James Donovan

Your RP here.
 

Koby

League Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2005
Messages
123
Points
0
Championship Madness - Diamonds - The Living Dead v. El Magick-O

Your RP here.
 

TH

Active member
Joined
Jun 18, 2004
Messages
2,953
Points
36
Age
42
Location
Philadelphia
Website
wallsofjerichoholic.blogspot.com
Re: Championship Madness - Diamonds - Gladiator v. "Cowboy" James Donovan

WARNING: The following promotional segment contains graphic sexual content. If you are under the age of 18 or are a tightly-wound asshole from the PTC (the censorship folks, not the fine community of narrative RP feds found at www.primetimecentral.net) or a fundy Christian group, please do not read this, because most likely, your non-sense of humor having ass will not find it amusing.

If you're a normal human being, then by all means, read away.

The scene is one of the rooms at the Pahrump Brothel, where "Cowboy" Jimmy Donovan is sitting on the bed.

JD: Yer gon' have to excuse the surroundin's this week, cuz they done mixed mah first promotional time wit' an appointment I done made three weeks ago to get Fabiola, the Spanish Blowjob Queen. Yee-haw, I heard she done gives the best head this side of the Pecos River. Ya have to book it that far in advance, y'know?

Anyhoo, now that I done settled my score wit' that dirty varmint Mitch Grey, I can set mah sights on...

The door opens, and in walks a stunning brunette, wearing a fire-red negligee, red stockings and high heels. It's Fabiola, Jimmy's appointment.

Fabiola: Alright Cowboy, ees time for Fabiola to rock your world.

JD: Hey, senyerita, d'ya mind if I done talk into this camera here while you're slobberin' on my knob? I gots some work I gots to take care of.

Fabiola: Fabiola cares not what you do while she rocks your world. She only cares that you don't eenterrupt the best blowjob this side of the Pecos.

JD: Oh believe me, I won't do that, ma'am.

Cowboy Jimmy stands up and Fabiola bends down so that she's out of the shot. You can hear her unzip Jimmy's pants.

JD: Now, Gladiator, what you done did with that piani wire was darn tootin' wrong... oh yeah, don't stop, Jimmy likes it when you do that... uh... I mean, no, Jimmy don't like the piani wire, and he's gonna... oh Gawd yes, yes, don't stop, don't you ever, ever stop... but yeah, umm... Gladiator... I ain't appreciate it when you tried... uhhh... uhh, chokin' me wit' that there piani wire. Oh yeah, now just stroke mah shaft too, yeah, like that... awww... err, but yeah, Gladiator, you done did the deed now, and you gots to pay for what you done did to me after mah ma... ma... oh my God, keep doin' that, just gargle them balls in yer mouth... oh yeah... yer the best on both sides of the Pecos... match! Mah match wit' Mitch Grey. If you think I'm gonna let that slide, yer about as crazy as a coyote runnin' headlong into a barb wire fence. An' another thing... yeah, just, just keep doin' that, yeah... that... oh yeah.... oooh... ahhh... yeah... yeeaaah... YEEEEEEEE-HAAAWWWW!

Jimmy sighs audibly and has a look of near-bliss on his face. Off camera, a gulp is heard.

JD: Hey sweetie, y'mind stayin' down there 'til I finish up?

Fabiola: off-camera Fabiola will stay down here only for an extra 75 dollarss.

JD: Awwright, awright, I'll pay up later.

Jimmy clears his throat.

JD: What was I sayin'? Oh yeah, that wasn't very hospitable of ya to be attackin' me after my match and tryin' to take me out with that piani wire, Gladiator. I mean, I know you and yer kin down at the Caesar's Palace probably got sick eatin' off the buffet clams cuz they gots botulism, but that's no reason to be takin' it out on me or any of the other fine folks over at Mandalay Bay, where our clams have been botulism for over 90 days now, I reckon.

Fabiola: Deed you just plug your hotel on my time?

JD: Shut up *****, that's where yer overtime money's comin' from.

But I ain't needin' none of that crap after mah matches. Hell, it always seems like someone's tryin' to whack me after I done pulled out a hard-fought win or draw now.

Well, I done taught Mitch Grey a lesson after he done walloped me wit' a chair. Now, I guess I gots to teach you. Cuz I'll be darned-tootin' if I let you beat me and take away mah chance to be the first and best dang World Champion this place has done ever seen. Yee-haw~!

Fabiola: Can Fabiola come up now?

JD: Yeah sugar, I'm done.

Fabiola rises back on shot as Jimmy pulls his wallet out to pay her for her overtime. The screen fades to the LVW logo.
 

The Great Eye

I came to cut you up
Joined
Jan 29, 2004
Messages
1,337
Points
0
Re: Championship Madness - Diamonds - Gladiator v. "Cowboy" James Donovan

(FADEIN: GLADIATOR, wearing a black toga and black tights covering his legs. His hands have thick brown gloves on them normal precautionary measure when one handles Piano Wire as often as he does. Next to Gladiator is a chair that has a white button up T-Shirt, a tie, and dress pants neatly folded up. on it.)

GLADIATOR: "You wake up in the morning, and it's another day, another dollar, you put on the shirt and tie...You say hi to your boss...You get into your little office...You call up Joe Six-Pack and you tell him for the 20th time he can't use his gas expenses getting to and from work as a tax write off...You have to listen to Judy Punch-clock complain about not being able to find her receipt for her giant write off to Greenpeace...

Every day...I have to be normal...Every day, I look at that little bottle of pills and wonder if I shouldn't take it...If I should just let myself go...Screw the world...

Then I remember my knee...I worked on it with a torn ACL for about 6 months, when the leagues closed up and the money stopped coming in...How when the doctors saw it, they thought I'd been in a car wreck...How long it took after the surgury to walk normal again, to do anything again...So then, then the pills seem like a good idea...

But not today...No..Today I gotta give it up, I have to tell my body to go **** itself, and to push myself to injure, to maim, to destroy...

To sit here and listen to some guy who's idea of art is having a whore go down on him on camera...(Shakes head) well...I can't say I wasn't wanred about you...But more importantly...You should be warned about me...

I'm the sicko with no empathy...I'm the nutjob with the piano wire...I enjoy slicing people open, I enjoy rivers of blood...I don't win, I destroy...And this isn't talk, it's reality...

And now I'm back, and the LVW World Title is mine for the taking...If I want it...Maybe I'll just leave you in a pool of blood and make it so nobody gets out of our match...Maybe I'll fight to win...I don't know what I'll do, it's only day 1 without the pills...I forget what the old me really was like...

But he'll be back...

Oh yes...He'll be back...

(FADEOUT)
 

NotorisSTD

League Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
397
Points
0
Age
40
Location
Boston and other places.
the last?

(CUEUP: “Red Handed Blue Prints” by The Chainletter…)
(FADEIN: Mitch Grey, leather jacket, faded Queers T-shirt and black jeans, is slumped in the corner of the crappy motel room from the last segment. Lights dimmed, his head bowed, hair hanging over face, all that good stuff….)

“the last goth monster”

……(sighs)

Okay, so that last one kinda sucked. F(bleep)k it. It’s over. I know I can beat James Donovan. I just didn’t do it this time. Why not? I don’t know.

I can’t get over this feeling like I’m not supposed to be here. Like the last three months were some sort of bad dream. That I’ll wake up any second now, with my wife still at my side, with my kids happy to see their daddy, with a reasonable, rewarding day at the office to look forward to.

But that’s not gonna happen…(looks up at the camera) Is it?

(stands, flips his hair back, and pulls the chord hanging from the ceiling, turning the lights on) Instead, I’m here, where all I can do is fight people, put up with their ridiculous antics, and hope the promoters remember to pay me.

Instead, I’ve got to deal with Jonathan Nash. One of the crazies, the outcasts, the psychos, one of those who don’t care what happens to them as long as they hurt their opponent, cuz all their care about is pain and so fourth.…y’know, that archetype.

Listen, Jonathan, if you’re out there?...I don’t care if you’re a sadistic, soulless freak. Mostly I don’t take you seriously, because I remember when you were in a stable with Jean Rabesque, but I wouldn’t care anyway. I’ve got nothing to lose.

And that makes me a very dangerous person. More dangerous than I’d care to be. I’m actually making myself nervous….

I don’t want to be here, Jonathan. But I am, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I have to deal with it. (turns the lights back off) And so you do.
 

Manson

League Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
382
Points
0
Nothing Up My Sleeve

(FADEIN: A disheveled motel room, the bedclothes ruffled, glasses and empty, leaking brandy bottles spread across the floor. The morning sun stretching its sunlight through a crack in the curtains. A tore condom package lies on the floor. Lying back on the bed, wearing a blue bodysuit with green comets streaking across it with wakes of icicles and a dark blue mask with concentric purple circles, and also red boxer shorts is EL MAGICK-O. Out of his mouth flap, a cigarettes smokes. PAN TO: The door shutting behind a middle-aged woman dashing out in her underwear, wrinkly thighs showing.)

EL-MAGICK-O: As Mrs. Williamson can now attest, as do dozens of middle-aged housewives who hire magicians for their children's birthdays, my greatest trick of all is the earth-shuddering "O". But of course, the "O" in El Magick-O stands for "Orgasm." But so much more!

For ovation!

For odyssey!

For olympic class!

All words describe the greatest live magician in the world, the greatest wrestler, and all-around greatest entertainer!

Did you think it was easy to teleport myself from the House of Blues right here to my motel room suit and wait patiently for Mrs. Williamson? Any normal man would have been broken, but no normal man climbed the hidden mountain ranges of Iceland and trained in the blistering cold with the half-human, half-lama monks of the Order of Crimayala to learn how dance out of rings of fire, to eat knives, swords, and axes....and how to inch right toward death, only to swerve away at the last instant!

And those who failed?

Well, naturally, they became zombies, and followed me on my succesdful Southeatern European tour of only....well...Portugal. They sought to eat my flesh and my brains to learn all the magical secrets stored here from the greatest minds of the greatest escapists, the dark secrets written in the darkest texts, and all my cunning and daring!

And at the third act in every small Portugese fishing village, I'd slay a zombie or two with a flaming sword...then swallow it! Just like the daughters and wives of all the village elders swallowed my other burning, flaming sword later on!

Which is why here in LVW, I don't fear the Living Dead! I've walked toward the fiery pits, and I might have tripped the first time, but I got out of that straightjacket and got back up again!

I fear no evil!

I fear not death!

For I tread the dark paths, those of mystery!

And I'm bringing all that I've found into LVW..to merge the world os magic and professional wrestling....mostly because I wanted to be the Masked Magician but that damn Valentino got the tv contract first...otherwise it would have been me...ME!..exposing magic's secrets for a cool mint.

But fear not, for I've mastered the ancient art of lucah libre...enough to defeat any zombie or walking, living dead!

For when the world is all mirrors, the dead are especially stupid since they can't tell their reflections from each other...and then they think they're in a crowd....and I can see they're..not..and...and...

(El Magick-O pauses, wondering what the hell he's saying.)

Nonetheless, the prestige, the effect of a magic trick, the rabbit out of a hat, for my next greatest trick ever is the LVW World Heavyweight Championship! From there, the World Magic Championship! And more women! More money!

And more TV specials!

So far, mine have only aired in Mexico and were badly dubbed into English.

By me.

But don't worry!

The LVW world title belt will vanish out of all other compeitors' hand...and appear in mine as I hang suspended in Houdini's Upside Down....a glass tank filled with water....and I'll emerge..as I will from my debut match....and as I will from this tournament....

ON TOP.

Because I know all the tricks.
 

RStrawsma

Strawbot
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
1,512
Points
36
Age
40
Location
Indiana
Valhalla Productions 001 - Vulgar Viking In Vegas

SCENE BEGINS

(The opening of Yngwie Malmsteen's "I Am A Viking" resounds as the camera fades in, close on the dragon's head carved from the bow of a ship as it silently hovers through the air.)

VALHALLA PRODUCTION COMPANY
Presents

(The camera pulls back to reveal the entirety of the drakkar, and the large man standing with one leg on the bow, smiling proudly at what lies before him as he wears the horned helmet proudly upon his head.)

OLVIR ARSVINNAR
In

(The camera pulls out more, revealing that the ship sails not on a sea of water but of sand. Actually, it is firmly secured on a semi bed, which speeds down a two-lane highway stretching across a golden desert. In the distance, the sun sets. The camera, keeping up with the truck, sets itself on this image for a moment. The camera pans left, looking up the road. In the distance, against a purple sky, the neon oasis of Las Vegas looms like a symbolic holy land, the final destination of a voyaging warrior.)

"VULGAR VIKING IN VEGAS"

(Cut to a shot on the streets of Vegas. Two men in suits leave a casino, hailing a cab. As they come to the curb, their eyes catch the truck coming down the street. The follow it as it goes by, not looking away from the strange ship and the barbarian upon it. When it disappears, they look to each other and shrug.)

First Man
Now I've seen everything.

Second Man
Can't wait to see that show...

(Cut to another shot as the truck pulls to a stop before the entrance of the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay. From his spot at the front of the ship, Olvir turns to see that he's arrived at his destination. He lets out a triumphant guffaw and quickly finds his battle axe and sword.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
Drop Anchor! Take No Prisoners!

(Laughing maniacally, Olvir kicks the plank on the portside to the sidewalk and drops the anchor to the street below. It lands with a heavy metallic thunk, putting an instant divot into the asphalt where it fell. A few passers-by look questionably, some stopping to see what's going on. Cackling, Olvir prances down the the rampway. A young couple who inexplicably happened to be near the unloading zone are blasted aside with a fell swoop of the warriors arm. A homeless man steps forward with a dirtied hand looking for a charitable investment, and is quickly knocked to the ground by the hilt of the Viking's sword.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
HA HA HA HA!! Feel the wrath of Olvir the Butt-Dominator, puny weaklings!

(The trucker's head appears from the cab window looking somewhat irritated.)

Trucker
'Ey, mac, I can't sit here all day, this is a fire-hydrant zone!

Olvir Arsvinnar
A warrior worries not about fire hydrants! A warrior does not rest until blood is shed! HA HA HA HA!!

(Olvir takes out another pedestrian and dashes into the House of Blues. Those who had been tossed aside slowly come to their feet, holding their heads or their arms or their backs, all of them looking to the entrance to the House of Blues with classic "What the hell just happened?" expressions. The truck driver, swearing inaudibly, goes back into the cab and pulls away. The metal anchor, being dragged behind it, loudly scrapes up layers of asphalt as it follows the truck around the corner.)

(Cut to the interior of the House of Blues, down one of the side hallways lined with doors. A female employee of ample age and figure slowly makes her way through, going through a stack of papers in her arms. Olvir suddenly appears at the other end and comes bounding her way like a lion released from the cage. The collision sends a flurry of papers into the air as she falls to the floor with a startled yelp.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
HA HA HA HA!!

(With relentless speed, the berserker approaches the door at the end of the hallway, labeled "Las Vegas Wrestling". He charges the door head on, and it's all too obvious what he's about to do.)

(Cut to the interior of the lobby for LVW's offices, as the hulking behemoth comes bursting through the door with a train's force, knocking it completely off its hinges.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
HA HA HA HA!! Weaklings of Las Vegas Wrestling—THE GREAT OLVIR HAS COME!!

(The camera spins to the receptionist desk, where a wide-eyed, gaping mouthed secretary sits with the phone still at her ear, spectacled eyes staring in shock at the beast that just burst into the room. Slowly, she hangs up the phone.)

Secretary
Just WHAT THE HELL do you THINK YOU'RE DOING?! Who THE HELL are you, and what THE **** do you WANT?!

(A mighty fists comes slamming down on her desk. The receptionist jumps in surprise.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
I am the Great Olvir Arsvinnar, and my journey is to prove myself as the greatest warrior to have ever lived! I have come here to Las Vegas to do combat with the first of my opponents!

(From a hallway that leads down into the offices, Erik Black, one of LVW’s most esteemed talent representatives, comes out with a furrowed brow.)

Erik Black
Judy, what the hell was that—

(He's cut off immediately as Olvir's sword javelins itself into the wall inches away from his head. He recoils most comically, hand clutching at his heart.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
HA HA HA HA!! Nobody can sneak up on Olvir the Great, puny man!

Secretary
Mr. Black, I have no idea who this guy is, but he just came blasting in here looking for someone to beat up!

Erik Black
Oh, my, uh... Mr. Arsvinnar, I presume? Allow me to introduce myself: I’m Erik Black.

Olvir Arsvinnar
Ah, a fine Viking name! But a man as small as yourself surely would not make an ample sea-faring warrior! You would be better suited as an armor-bearer when a warrior has finished battle! From this day forth, Erik the Tiny, you shall be my personal trell; a noble duty, to serve a great warrior such as myself!

Erik Black
Right, uh, anyhow… I've been expecting you, I just didn't think...

Olvir Arsvinnar
The Great Olvir does not care for thinking! I will crush my enemies now!!

Erik Black
Whoa, wait a second, big guy… we don’t have any “enemies” here. You can do your thing at the event.

Uh, Judy, could you print up a copy of the card real quick?

(With a look of irritation in her eye, the sharp-faced secretary quickly clacks a few keys on her keypad, and a moment later, the printer nearby spits out a sheet with all the details for LVW’s next card. Erik takes the card in his hand and looks it over. Olvir, meanwhile, being so technologically inept, prods the device with a forefinger and a look of curiosity.)

Erik Black
Hmm… yeah, says right here you’re in the Spades division of the Heavyweight Title tournament. The first round is on our next show, Championship Madness.

Says here your first opponent is Shorty.

(Olvir perks up at this news.)

Olvir Arsvinnar
Shorty? An unusual name for a warrior. Why is he called such?

(Erik holds an open-palmed hand at the height of his chest.)

Erik Black
Probably because he’s this tall.

Olvir Arsvinnar
What?! My flesh war-hammer of consummation is longer than that!! For what reason have the Gods of Las Vegas given me such a small and weak opponent! This is an insult to my power!

Erik Black
Well hey, just cause the guy’s a foot shorter than you doesn’t mean he’s without talent. I’m only 5’10”, and I was able to cut it as a wrestler for a while, until I landed this job…

Olvir Arsvinnar
Enough talk! Bring this “Shorty” to me now, so that I may smash him, and move on to a larger, stronger opponent, more worthy of doing battle against me!

Erik Black
Ah, Championship Madness isn’t until a couple weeks.

Olvir Arsvinnar
The Great Olvir will fight my opponent NOW!!

Erik Black
But, Olvir… your opponent isn’t here right now! We’ve gotta wait until the show goes on here in a couple weeks before you can—

Olvir Arsvinnar
The Great Olvir waits for nobody! I will seek this “Shorty” out for myself…

Erik Black
Wait a sec, Olvir… let’s just stop for a moment to think about this. Sure, you can go to the place where Shorty lives and beat him there… but will there be anybody around to see it? More importantly, how will you prove you’ve beaten him?

Olvir Arsvinnar
The word of Olvir Arsvinnar is ALWAYS final! If I say I have defeated Shorty, they will believe me, or else I shall crush them!

Erik Black
A thousand years ago maybe, but people these days are really picky… they won’t listen to anything unless you give them cold, hard evidence and stick it right under their noses.

Olvir Arsvinnar
I had the misfortune of being awaken from my icy tomb in an age of weakness, it seems…

Erik Black
Here, Olvir… take my advice. Let’s just wait a couple weeks until Championship Madness, where you’ll be in the ring, in front of thousands of people in attendance and millions more watching at home. If you beat Shorty then, everybody will see it, and they’ll know right away just how great Olvir Arsvinnar truly is.

Olvir Arsvinnar
You speak wisely, tiny Norseman.

Very well… I shall wait until Champion Madness before I destroy this “Shorty”, and I shall do so within the arena, where all eyes will see me in my glory! Then there will be no doubt to who truly is the greatest warrior in the world! HA HA HA HA!

I shall spend the time waiting with more glorious love-making! Here, foul woman! Come with me to my chamber!

(Without warning, Olvir grasps the secretary by the sides and hoists her over his shoulders. She lets out a cry of surprise as the Viking quickly turns and runs through the opening where the door had minutes ago been knocked down. As they retreat down the hallway, we can hear her demands to be let down while the Viking continues to laugh in triumph. From there, we fade to black.)

SCENE ENDS
 

Koby

League Member
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Messages
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Re: Championship Madness - Spades - Elvis Aaron Presley v. Jack House

(FADEIN: The familiar scene; corner of Fremont & 6th, outside the El Cortez parking garage, at the peak of dawn, the sun coming in from the east over the mountain-tops lighting up the Valley. JACK HOUSE, huddled up in a black UNLV pullover hoodie, hands inside pockets, sneers at the lens.)

JACK HOUSE: "Psh. (quick laugh) 'Nother mornin'. 'Nother new day. 'Nother batch of fools COMIN' to Vegas - the land of opportunity they say it is - thinkin' that wit' the snap of the fingers they gonna become a LEGEND. ... Naw aw, don' work that way on MAH WATCH. Nobody gonna CHEAT the HOUSE outta his shot."

"EYE been waitin' for this opportune a long tahm - and it tahm for the HOUSE to do what no other of these... LEGENDS... of Las Vegas done, and that WIN IT, EARN IT, STRAIGHT UP. Become LVW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP."

"No countin' cards, no backroom dealins'... naw, we go straight by the numbahs, and the numbahs say that the HOUSE... always has the EDGE. That the HOUSE... always gets the UPPER HAND. (laughs)"

"That foo' Wayne Newton? He went agains' the house - got dealt some BLACKJACK."

"Seigfried? Roy? They got caught by the EYE of the tiger - an' got dealt some BLACKJACK."

"Now... I gots another punk-ass faker. Man who made his money STEALIN' the black folk dance moves. STEALIN' the black folk music. STEALIN'... from the HOUSE'S FAMILY."

"Elvis Aaron Presley? I see your kind 'round here every day. Fat. Skinny. Tall. Small. Young. Old. All KINDS of Elvis. All thieving a buck off the name of a thief."

"BOY... you bes' watch yo'self, and be ready to answer the right answer when asked if you want some INSURANCE, 'cause if you don't, I'mma gonna deal you some BLACKJACK."

"An' then you know what? We takin' a cab, goin' to McCarran, and I'm gonna stick yo' ass on the plane wit' all the other losers - all the others that went broke tryin' to t'become a LEGEND overnight, and y'all will be LEAVING... LAS VEGAS."

"'Cause NOBODY - BEATS - THE HOUSE."

(BLACK)
 

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