(...FADE-IN: SHANE SOUTHERN stands in front of a CSWA backdrop. He's dressed in jeans, a Green-Bay packers football jersey, and cowboy boots. The CSWA World Title is draped over his left shoulder, a cocky, ****eating grin is on his face...)
SHANE SOUTHERN: " Ya' know ... somehow, I thought this would feel ... mmmm ... different. Somehow, I thought that tha' night I won this (pats the CSWA World Title) would be tha' greatest night of mah' professional life. I THOUGHT, winnin' tha' CSWA World Title would validate EVERYTHIN' I worked so hard for ... I THOUGHT tha' fans would cheer, I THOUGHT I'd break down in tears soakin' in tha' admiration of tha' entire world ... but ya' know, in reality, this ... (Southern takes the title off his shoulder, looks at it, and just drops it to the ground) means absolutely NUTHIN' ta' me right now. "
" I can't ENJOY this ... I can't FEEL like tha' WORLD CHAMPION, until I've done a few more things. As far as Joey Melton is concerned, he can KISS MY ASS, he didn't deserve this in tha' first place, so I feel NO shame in takin' it from him tha' way I did. No, there are some important things ta' do here, but Joseph Melton is NOT one of them. One of them IS, ta' beat tha' man that was never beaten for this ... Dan Ryan ... ta' show tha' world that since our last meetin' at ANNIVERSARY, I've become tha' man he's wanted me ta' be ... tha' man, HE had a hand in creatin' ... tha' MAN, that's grown inta' something MORE than even HE could ever imagine. We'll get ta'gether soon Dan, but first.... "
" Eddie Mayfield. "
" Oh Eddie, this is gonna' be fun. 'Cause ya' see ... now ... you n' me, we're on ah' level playin' field. You ain't got Craig Miles ta' drape a chair over somebody's head n' let you pin 'em ... and I've picked up that ONE little thing that may have allowed you ta' beat me before. "
" Attitude. "
" I just don't care what people think anymore Eddie. Talent wise, you n' me ... I'll be honest, 'bout even. But before ta'night ... you had tha' edge 'cause you'd do damn near anythin' ta' win. Now ... we're even THERE too. "
" I could really care less ya' gave up tha' PRESIDENTIAL Title ta' get ta' me, I'd ah' done tha' same thing. WHO, in their right mind, would NOT give up a title like that ta' getta' shot at tha' BIG ONE. Fact is Eddie, you don't really DESERVE this match. You've been off playin' video games for tha' past few months while I'VE been all over this god-forsaken business knockin' down EVER'body that decided he wanted a piece of me. You can waltz in, bribe Thomas with his precious piece of gold and get yer shot, but that don't mean you DESERVE it anymore than Joey Melton deserved ta' be handed tha' belt in tha' first place. "
" So who's gonna' win this match? I can tell ya' THIS Eddie ... I won't loose. I can play tha' game now, ... I played it better than Joey Melton, n' I took "his" title ... now, at SHOWTIME in HOUSTON ... I'm gonna' play tha' game better than you too. Yeah, you may have been playin' it longer ... but I now, (Southern picks up the CSWA Title) play it better. "
(FADEIN: To 'Hot Property' EDDIE MAYFIELD, dressed for the ring in green 'wet-look' vinyl ringpants with multicolored flames licking up the legs, tape wrapped up to the forearms, and a Camel hanging out of his face. MAYFIELD is also wearing a green T-shirt with the little yellow alien from the game ALIEN HOMINID on the chest, wearing a pirate hat.)
MAYFIELD: (Clapping) "Congratulations, Shane, you finally got what you kept moaning that you wanted, but not two seconds after you won the CSWA World Championship, you were *****ing. Why? Well, because the fruit wasn't as sweet as you expected. (Laughs) POOR, POOR, MRS. THOMAS. Sorry - that's from What's Happening!, so let me try again - POOR, POOR SHANE SOUTHERN. Boo Fu[BLEEEEEP!] Hoo - He won the big gold from 'Immaculate Conception' Joey Melton, the man who didn't WIN anything - he was GRANTED the belt from the Powers That Be, and then got punched in the head by Shane and some brass knucks. Dood, that's like, Level 1 Heeling. You think that makes me arch my eyebrows to take notice? Fella, you have GOT to be kidding.
"I mean, OK, so I guess you're all dark and moody now. I guess you get to grow your heel beard out and work on sneering in your press photos. It takes more than a pair of knuckles (Which is so, like 1986) to be the bad guy, Shane. That ain't 'Attitude'. You tried to come out here and say that the only thing that kept us off the even playing field is that I'd do anything to win, and now YOU CAN DO THAT TOO, PUNCHENELLA, PUNCHENELLA.... (Shakes head) Man, you ain't fooling anybody, especially Heel Extraordinaire, If I was a luchadore I'd be El Heelico Especial, Eddie Mayfield. Just because a kid wins a race at the Grand Prix slot race track in his neighborhood don't make him Dale Ernhardt. Just because somebody learned how to make their name repeat across a computer screen don't make them Bill Gates, and just because a kid can run a lemonade stand doesn't make them Donald Trump. Jesus, I sound like GUNS out here. (Chuckles)
"What I'm saying, Shane, is that I did what I had to do to get that title shot, and you were already thinking about doing your victory tour and looking to get Dan Ryan in that ring, when really, you need to be worried about Bonnie Mayfield's only son, Lil' Eddie - that Sneaky Devil. You need to worry about the climate we're wrestling in. I didn't giftwrap that Presidential title and hand it over to Stephen Thomas so I could step to the back of the line in a week, Shane - I'm making a statement. And that statement is that it's Eddie Mayfields time to get what's coming to him. You wanna make kids cry because they think you're not squeeky clean? Be my guest - but know this - you're gonna need more than a lame pair of knucks to impress me, Shane. You're gonna need more than pulling tights to make me respect your gangsta, Shane. You're gonna need... (thinks)
Man, f[BLEEEEP!] it - it ain't gonna matter. I'm ending your CSWA party before the second run for ice, Shane. Don't bother telling your guests to leave their coats on the bed, because they ain't gonna be staying that long."
(FADEOUT as MAYFIELD draws a long drag off his smoke and blows it to the side, sneering.)
(FADE-IN: SHANE SOUTHERN standing in front of an CSWA backdrop with the CSWA World Title belt draped over his left shoulder. He's "heeled out", or at least as "heeled out" as Southern can get. He has scraggly wet hair, three day stubble, sunglasses, a t-shirt with a picture of OSAMA BIN-LADEN with a target on his face, faded jeans and black, snake-skin cowboy boots. He flashes his cocky, ****eating grin to camera)
SHANE SOUTHERN: " So whadda' ya' think Eddie? This is ah'bout as "heeled out" as I could get. (laughs) Ya' know, I took you fer a smarter man Eddie. I TOOK you as tha' kinda guy that could "read" people .... know what's goin' on inside their head, n' exploit it. You might, "rock tha' mic like ah' vandal", but yer ability ta' know what's goin on ah'round ya' appears ta' have been drastically altered by tha' mind fryin' hours ya' spend in fronta' that idiot box and those kids games. "
" See Eddie, where you went so DRASTICALLY wrong is ... I'm not tryin' ta' be mega-HEEL, or baby-FACE, or tweener, or whatever other shoot words you wanna throw out. N' while now ah'days people dig tha' cool heel, that's not what I'm ah'bout. See, tha' man that you've had fun with before, tha' man you always thought you were bigger than, isn't that man anymore. I was always tryin' ta' be somethin' I'm not. TRYIN' desperately ta' fit in with tha' big boys, while at tha' same time endearin' mah'self to tha' common fan. "
" What I've come ta' realize is that I don't givva' <BLEEP> ah'bout either. Life's too short ta' spend tryin' ta' please other people. Tha' moment I decided ta' put MA'SELF first, (pats the belt) look what happened. Yeah, this title don't mean much in tha' grand scheme ah' things RIGHT NOW ... but soon, this belt is gonna' regain tha' prestige, the glamour, tha' RESPECT it once had. It's gonna' come from beatin' guys like Dan Ryan, Joey Melton, Hornet, and yeah, even EDDIED MAYFIELD."
" I'm not YOU Eddie, nor do I wanna' be. Because ya' see, even though I no longer care ah'bout pleasin' tha' masses, I still take what I do seriously. I STILL want respect, n' that's somethin' you'll NEVER have Eddie. You're tha' jokester, tha' man that people just can't MISS when he steps in fronta' tha' camera ta' cutta' promo. But nobody takes you seriously as a big-time player in ANY World title picture because of that very reason. Could you pull ah' win out ah' yer ass n' take this title from me? Possible. That's why I DO take you seriously. That's why I AM focused on you ... n' not Dan Ryan. "
" If that doesn't scare you Eddie. It should. Once we step into that ring, you hold NO advantage. Yer just another guy, just another wrestler tryin' ta' take me down. You couldn't do tha' job when Craig Miles and Guns were AT yer side, what makes ya' think you can do it without 'em? "
" But I tell ya' what I'm gonna do Eddie. You told me that I've gotta' do more than just beat somebody with some brass knucks ta' get yer attention ... well, I can promise you that at SHOWTIME ... I'll HAVE yer attention. "
(FADEIN: To 'Hot Property' EDDIE MAYFIELD, same gear as before, except for a new shirt - Black, with 6 blue stars on it - the highest 'Wanted' level from GRAND THEFT AUTO. MAYFIELD shakes his head as he stands in front of a wall with peeling paint on it)
MAYFIELD: "Shane, man, how many times do we have to go down this road? I, either by myself or with the blessings of a group of people make fun of you, make you lose a belt, dignity or something else, just plain make you eat your words, and you come back out here and default back to the 'Eddies a Clown' rap. (Makes 'jerk-off' motion with his closed fist) Get over yourself, Shane. (snorts). You may have gotten me mixed up with some other group of doods who need a battalion of doods to come in and help them get ahead. If you WEREN'T paying attention, you saw EDDIE MAYFIELD, ALWAYS at the head of the class, the top of the line, the King of the Hill, and I ALWAYS handled my own business. You think I'm not bright enough to have you figured out? My man, if YOU'RE gonna call somebody stupid, then jesus, I'M REALLY IN TROUBLE.
You see, As long as we've been in CSWA, I haven't seen Shane Southern do much more than whine about his smile, and win a few, then job a few. Hell, we've both beaten and been beaten by each other, but I'm sure your big-assed head that's filled with Louisiana Bayous Best swampwater must forget that. I'm not taken seriously? (Looks around) I don't see anyone else standing here about to cave your head in to take the World Title, Shane. Taken Seriously? I'm not the one wrestling Shamon on the bottom of a card like OTHER cats around here - I'm the one RIGHT AT THE TOP - AS USUAL, Stirring the MOTHERF[BLEEEEEEEP!] DRINK AROUND HERE. Shane, you can come out here and make a case all you want to try and knock me down a peg, but you know as well as I do that I'm the ONLY ONE HERE who's got your number, and it keeps you up at night that I won't roll over and go away.
"When EYE formed the Intruders, the hottest faction in wrestling for the THIRD time, here in CSWA, all of those asshole partners of mine couldn't wait to ask you to come on ride the train - choo choo ride it - they couldn't WAIT for you to rock the I hat, they wanted Shane to get in on the best thing since tiVo and XBOX Live - the Intruders, and from day one I said [BLEEEP!] Shane Southern - he's a primmadonna who's not worth the paper he's printed on. And When they all figured out I was right, you were getting your ass handed to you by Tom Adler, jobbing belts, and making porn tapes or whatever you were into... and Eddie Mayfield was THREE BELTS DEEP in CSWA. The person 'no one takes seriously', the clown, had his f[BLEEEEP!] name hanging from the rafters on PRIME TIME, and you were in the back, waiting for the countdown from the tech guy wearing MY T-SHIRT, telling you you were on in T-minus 5, 4... on iTV. (Shakes head) I guess you're right again, Shane. I'm a joke... a failure... I wasted my life playing videogames, and smoking too much and being a clown, while in one breath you tell me I'm not worth your respect, and in the next wonder why you've never been able to mystify the minds of the youth and target demographics like me, Eddie Mayfield.
"See, man, It all comes down to a few certainties in a few days time. One, you're gonna realize that all along, that you AIN'T THE BEST IN THE WORLD, Shane. If you thought it took the best wrestling ability, then wrestling would be stuck back in wristlocks and bearhugs, and some beer-bellied short necked guy would be world champ, but no. It takes MORE than that. And that feeling you have in the pit of your gut - the one that tells you that the CSWA gold doesn't 'feel' right is just because of those things - that YOU know you don't deserve that belt. Yeah, you punched ol' ass Melton in the chin with some knucks, but you know that you ain't laying me out with that sh[BLEEEP!], and that as much sh[BLEEEEEEP!] that you talk about me, you know that everytime you step in the ring against me, you're not sure you're gonna win the next one. YOU JUST CAN'T BE SURE, CAN YOU. Well chalk our World Title match up to one of those times, Shane.
I've NEVER needed anyone else to get me ahead other than myself. Craig Miles and GUNS served a purpose, and they played their roles. Even YOU, my friend, serve a purpose. You'll find out what yours is in a few nights time when I fulfill my destiny and beat your ass in the middle of that ring for that CSWA championship.
"A little fun trivia fact for you, Shane - I've NEVER been beaten for any championship I've won. YOU can't say the same. And when this little joke comes and slaps the redman chaw out of your stupid face, and you realize that your 'attitude' ain't gonna be enough to get past me, you'll see that the jokes been on you all along, Shane, becuase the only fool here is the one you see in your mirror every morning.
"WAIT - OH, OH WAIT, I FEEL A JOKE COMING ON! (Shivers) ... Oh, forget it - it was just gas."
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