Where in the world...

[ViewersChoice]

(FADEIN to a closed broadcast set. The "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego music is playing in the background. The camera zooms in to Scotty Michaels, wearing glasses, a gray wig, and a baby blue leisure suit, sitting at a broadcast desk.)

V/O: On today's episode, we've changed the question. Here is your host, Scott Michaels, in...

"WHERE IN THE WORLD IS JOEY MELTON?"

SCOTT MICHAELS: It's been several days, and our reporters have told us that there have been no signs of Joey Melton, or should I say, Joseph? Young Joseph, well, no... that's not convincing, cuz he's certainly not young. Well, who am I to talk, but anyway, we've had some speculation as to where Joey Melton might be..

(The camera turns to the right of Scott Michaels, displaying a map.. Michaels picks up a stick and points to Canada..)

SCOTT MICHAELS: Word has it, that Joey Melton has taken on several new endeavors, as a talent scout for the CSWA. He's been said to be checking out the circus, looking for new midgets for hire. Word has it, he loves those little guys. Well, who doesn't? But that's not the only place he's been to..

(Michaels points to Las Vegas, Nevada..)

SCOTT MICHAELS: After his trip to Canada, Joseph took the Melton tour bus all the way down to Vegas, as he's trying to save his sister, Teri, from working the street. She's gone way downhill, since I used to give her the steed, back in the day. His travels have led to encounters with some of the afore-mentioned midgets, transvestites, and other members of the degenerates of society. But before he makes his way back to Atlanta..

(Michaels points to Atlanta, but then points back over to San Francisco..)

SCOTT MICHAELS: Word has it, Mr. Melton has headed to San Francisco. Not to eat some of Uncle Ben's finest. But as a matter of fact, word on the streets is that Melton has gotten married, ladies and gentlemen..

(Canned applause play in the background..)

SCOTT MICHAELS: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the blushing bride is Hornet. What an exclusive. I've always had faith in my crack team of reporters, but you heard it here first. That's awesome.. again, congratulations to Joey Melton.

(Michaels claps for a while, laughing, and then turns to the camera. His laughing turns to an angry look. He rips off the wi and glasses, knocking over the map.. staring into the camera)

SCOTTY MICHAELS: Joey Melton, in all honesty, I don't know where the hell you've been at. But when you get to Atlanta, you better realize exactly what you've gotten yourself into. The CSWA has been waiting for years for its SUPERSTAR to return, and it will only come in triumphant glory. Over you, and over every other wrestler on the roster. I won't stop until I get back to the top, of the biggest federation in the world today. I'll seeya at Primetime, Melton, dress your best, because if worse comes to worse, you'll be sitting at home, just like Mark Windham, watching One Life to Live and listening to Rod Stewart CDs. So really, Melton.. come out, come out wherever you are. I'll be waiting for ya.

(FADEOUT...)

 

[Steve]

(FADEIN: Joey Melton in front of a CSWA Backdrop.)

MELTON: The CSWA's been waiting for years for Scotty Michaels to return?

Come on man...even you know better than that.

Honestly, I thought you were pooped and fired.

Or was that another ***hole I'm thinking about?

I'm glad your back Michaels, and keeping a livejournal.com account of my whereabouts. Its a shame you have no writing talents, otherwise I'd have willingly paid you to take the next step and ghost write my memoirs.

Yes, there'll be chapters about midgets, and the hundreds of North Koreans I smuggled across the Southern border after wrestling a barbed wire match on the border in '02.

As you labored to the make the point, my exploits are Page One news. I give you the silent treatment for a week and you're paying Jim Rockford to track me down.

By comparison, Michaels...you're gone seven years and nobody blinks an eye.

I'm still a top selling name in this business and you're feeding a man in a cat suit a giant dog bone.

What's for me this week?

A cow vagina?

I can only hope.

Look man, you wrestled here in an era where Merritt essentially gave belts away. But now that the bolts are a little tighter, and shots harder to come by, don't expect any favors.

You could disappear off the face of the earth tomorrow..and nobody would give a sh*t.

Following my lead gives you meaning...so I'll throw you a bone.

I'll turn up next in Atlanta all over your ass.

(FTB)