I shunned a voodoo witch, decapitated a black cat
(CUTTO: Felix Red is a bloody mess, still in his ring gear, sitting at his makeshift office backstage. APA style, he’s just got a big wooden door sitting in the middle of the basement. At the desk he sits at, a rolled up dollar bill lies next to some white residue. Two goth chicks in Suicidegirls.com T-shirts sit near by, smoking cigarettes and looking bored, as Felix sips a 40 and stares at the ceiling. A boom box on the floor is blasting a Tegan and Sara song for some reason. A small TV monitor is also on the table.)
SUICIDEGIRL: Sorry you lost your match, Felix.
RED: No, you stupid, stupid whore. My match is later. I’m in the battle royal.
SUICIDEGIRL#2: Uh….You ah…already had your tag match though. The OSS beat the living f(bleep)k out of you while Anarky and Jared Wells kinda stood there looking confused.
RED: Oh. Right right. Hmmm….Well, I wanna see this now. (turns on a small TV monitor. Manson, Wylde, Edmunds, and Dan Ryan are annihilating Copycat) Oh, what the f….Somebody find Edmunds and Dan Ryan and tell them to get the down here….
SUICIDEGIRK: Uh, sure thing. (scampers off)
(FTB on Red, hands folded, looking thoughtful, muttering what sounds like “tens of thousands, tens of thousands, one hundred thousand….")
(FADEIN: Dan Ryan and Sean Edmunds, both very agitated, led by a Suicide Girl, walk around the door over to Red’s table….)
RED: You walked through the wall! Cool.
RYAN: Um, yeah. So what, is this a sneak attack or something? Is Psycho about to fall from the ceiling and land on our heads? Is a plane about to crash into the building, you homicidal nitwit?
EDMUNDS: That’s so like…wicked predictable?
RED: Oh no. Actually, I’m putting you guys in a match.
EDMUNDS: Oooh. Super de-duper.
RYAN: What um…kind of match is it?
RED: Four way for the North American title. You (points to Ryan) vs. Psycho vs. El Arco Iris vs. (points to Edmunds) You.
RYAN: So…Oh, I get it. You’re trying to cause tremors in our newly formed stable before we can establish solidarity. Good strategy. Transparent, but good. (rolls his eyes)
EDMUNDS: Yeah. Hey, can I buy some e from you?
RED: No. And by the way, tired as I am of people stealing my act, you f(bleep)kers are gonna bleed for this. EYE turn on Copycat to start up the new evil syndicate. That’s MY shtick. And now I’ve doomed it to happen over and over again, tens of thousands of times, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
RYAN: You’re actually siding with Copycat?
RED: Bound to happen eventually. So is the nature of chaos.
EDMUNDS: But you um…just said you’re doomed to turn on him tens of billions of times. That’s like…um…what?
RYAN: (turns to Edmunds) Look, lets just beat him senseless and get out of here.
RED: Yeah, I guess bringing you both down here together wasn’t such a hot idea. Ah well.
(Red chucks the coffee table at Ryan and Edmunds. Ryan dodges, Edmunds catches it, Red hits a VAN-REDINATOR. Ryan hits a boot to Red’s gut…and there’s the HUMILITY BOMB on the concrete. Edmunds does a woozey little happy victory dance, the groupies scream in terror, as Tegan and Sara’s “I know, I know, I know,” continues to play. Edmunds, giddy, and Ryan, stoic, walk off, Red lies in a heap…)