on savagery and casual sex....
(CUEUP: "Flourescein" by Abandoned Pools...)
(Remember when every wrestling promo spot took place in a dark scary ally? Nobody does that anymore! Doesn't anyone miss that?! Well, Felix Red sure does. He's leaning against the side of a building in grey and black pants that look like they cost 3 dollars, and a black T-shirt, displaying a spooky pair of eyes over the word "mindlikewater." The sunglasses don't make any sense given all the shadows, but damn if they don't look suave, so who cares really...)
"the boy who saved the world"
FELIX RED: They tell me I'm to be some sort of celebrity...A future world champion. I've had two matches, and two defeats to show for it. I've had two matches, and I have not been pinned or forced to submit. I used to wear a stupid looking George W. Bush mask for satire's sake. Now I commit random acts of wanton patriotism. A Mr. Levey, a frequent associate of celebrities himself, once said that Lies are truth and Madness is Sanity...This is not my first visit to the limbo of living contradiction. It is not such an uncomfortable place, and yet for my own reasons, I am not in the least compelled to stay...
Now here's Luster, who I speak of only on the assumption that he isn't dead or in jail. the conclusion of his most recent vignette may lead one to believe this is the case, but of course, I always have to assume my opponent isn't going to die or go to prison before our match, don't I? I share your frustration, Luster. You also can't seem to come out on the winning end of things, and isn't it a travesty. You've worked so hard for your nice body. Your flesh is a specimen to be beheld, indeed. So firm and trim. A hungry cannibal’s wish come true. You've trained and danced and made such love, while the essence of what makes you human has gone rotten. I'm finding strength in defying logic. Being nothing, hardly existing, allows me to be whatever I want. You are all of one side of a coin and none of the other. What use is all your power with no intellect to direct it? Where I am everyone and no one, you're half a man...A husk matched against a labyrinth of humanity. I will ruin you Luster. If everything turns out alright for you, you'll thank me someday. You can make a better life for yourself, but not until the person you are today has been torn to pieces. This is your chance to embrace the logic of nonsense. Find salvation through destruction...Or you could just stay dead. That works for me just
as well...
(some chick in leather underwear, a trenchcoat, sunglasses, and a strange title belt wanders into the shot...)
CHICK FROM ALTERNATE WRESTLING DIMENTION: Excuse me sir, but I just want you to know that you're example has made it possible for asians with Matrix gimmicks and acrobatic styles to make it in the wrestling business. Without you, I wouldn't exist. I offer you my body in gratitude.
(Felix smiles and gives the camera an enthusiastic double thumbs up...)