FADE IN
We see DAN RYAN sitting confidently behind a large oak desk piled high with some paperwork to one side - and a cup of coffee to the other.
The big man from Texas rubs his chin thoughtfully - and today's promo is brought to you by the letter Y.
Ryan: "I'm not sure I get it, Psycho...."
"Or should that be....."
(Ryan yells at the top of his lungs through tunneled hands)
"I-AM-NOT-SURE-THAT-I-GET-IT-PSY-CHO!!!!!!!!!"
(Ryan retreats to a normal posture and voice level)
"Don't try getting after me for gimmick infringement there buddy, cuz I have it on good authority that you did not invent yelling like a loon at a camera."
"But I digress..."
"I don't get it. I don't get why Harold Fiano would waste five seconds of his day bothering with a tool like you. Felix I could forgive due to his lack of experience. It's not like he gives a damn about developing talent or surrounding himself with help anyhow."
"I guess it really just comes down to needing a goon to fill a spot. A warm body willing to throw on a mask and play retard for six months until the real crew sweeps in and sweeps him out to obscurity where he belongs."
"Cuz believe me, Sike....obscure is what you are, though original definitely is not."
"Is the fork really necessary? I mean, honestly."
"I did that schtick back in like 1999, dude. I dug a fork into a guy's face just because I thought it would be fun and it wasn't the first time it'd been done when I did it either. But at least I had the credibility of that company's World Title to make it interesting. The downside of that situation was that after digging around in the guy's head for five minutes it really didn't make me feel any better. It's not gonna solve your problems either, my friend."
"You see, a fork or a good chair....nay, not even something more creative like C-4 or a samurai sword can change some simple truths."
"For starters, have you looked at yourself in the mirror?"
"You're like six-foot-nothing....two hundred nothing pounds....a high flyer, I mean come on let's get real...."
(matter-of-factly as if stating a sad fact) "...I'm gonna swat you like a fly if you come diving at me and we both know it."
"You don't wanna talk about the deeper meaning behind things because either you're not capable of conceiving of a greater purpose than dragging chairs around and waving silverware at people or you know the truth and have simply resigned yourself to the inevitable."
"I could handle that part. What you can't seem to handle is how I feel about you and this match. I'm not laughing it off, buddy. I'm not really laughing at all. I feel more of a sense of pity than anything because not only am I supremely confident in my ability to make you look like a ten year old schoolgirl in the ring, I'm saddened in knowing that most of your reply is likely to be about how you don't care."
"WAR!!!!!"
"...and all that...."
"It's not war...I'll say again. In fact, I didn't ask for this match. I don't need this match, and I don't really give a damn if this match, encounter, soiree or campout - whatever you wanna label it - ever happens at all."
"I know that it's a tremendous blow to your ego to think that Maelstrom, Lindsay and I were backstage playing poker, saw your match going and thought it might be fun to slap you around. And I know it's hard to remember how easy it was to sling you around like a soggy rag doll, but look man....there are plenty more fish in the sea. There's more to life than the North American title and there's a much more promising future in store for you if drop this war nonsense, take your lumps and move along like the good little girl scout that I know it's within you to be."
"Have you ever seen Pulp Fiction?"
"That pride **** whispering in your ear is gonna get you in trouble. Let it go."
"Don't make me do to you what you can only threaten to do to me...."
FADE OUT...