Mecha-Mike Manson
((CUEUP: Fast-paced Japanese anime soundtrack. CUTTO: The Neo Manson-Spider, a metallic green spider with Michael Manson's face, climbing down a web of electricity wielding a flaming sword in each limb. Suddenly, he hangs down and burrows himself into a coocon of silky, sticky web fluid, which hardens around him, then shines, bursting with light. It explodes, and in the ashes, a giant stalks, his steps pounding like earthquakes all around. Light glints off him at all angles...as the heavily armored, giant robot with pilot glasses and a tri-horn, wheels and feet, and a jetpack with arching angelic wings, stomps clear, in Japananimation-like armor created of sheer, translucent, armor plating that glows like red light. MECHA-MANSON takes off into the sky and flies around the world in space..then plunges down into the heart of LOVE Metropolis City Alpha, floating above the ocean in place of California. MECHA-MANSON lands, crashing the tall glass buildings with his feet, and throws the monorail tracks down. Majestic, lifelike statues of ANARKY, FELIX RED, JARED WELLS, and PSYCHO, all painted purple, spring to life and begin to enlargen.))
FELIX: DIIIEEEEEE!!! MECHA-MANSONN!!!!!!!
((MECHA-MANSON opens his eyes to unleash the horror of a universe of exploding suns upon all of his enemies leaving the city-state wallowing in black ash.))
((PAN BACK: The sight of MECHA-MANSON opening up his chest and taking the planet Earth inside is merely playing on a wide-screen TV. Splayed in front of it on a rug, bare-footed, and in black jeans and the new "Many Anime Faces of Manson" t-shirt including the Neo Manson-Spider and MECHA-MANSON, with the WFW World Title belt cradled nearby is the World's Finest Wrestler, Inspiration to Anime and all Mythology, the Man More Exciting Than Jesus, the World's Finest Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion MICHAEL MANSON. He sits calmy with several empty cans of Jolt in front of him and a used Dracula pez dispenser. He speaks with the TV flashing in front of him.))
MANSON: Now the most cautionary of people would suggest that I should in fact don metaphysically-crafted armor in order to protect myself at Ghoulish Games with a man named Psycho threatening me and my title run, Jared Wells misinterpreting everything I say as sexual, and my teammates being the men who will vie for my most precious title in a week's time. And those are wisest would probably suggest that I manufacture an excuse or simply no show to avoid all difficulty. After all, my title isn't on the line.
However, I have never gotten anywhere heeding anyone else's advice. I don't do what other people say, I make them do what I say. I don't even need to be a president to do it, though if I were a president, and I would be the president of these United States, first order of business would be to actually put a map on the back of the Declaration of Independence and then leak it to all the terrorists so they can follow it back to plague-infested villages designed soley as supervillain like death traps. But perhaps I've said too much now and should save the rest for 2008 when by then even I could be elected.
Let us turn our concerns to Felix Red, the president-elect of the WFW, which Jared Wells seems particularly happy about. Which he should, because Felix can give him that title shot he wanted, he can give Psycho one, even Anarky, just not himself. But let's all hope he doesn't waste this opportunity as many of the presidents before him have. He can actually change things for the WFW, for better, for worse, for his own drug-addled, higher conscious needs, or because he feels like it.
However, I am not worried about it. Let's face it, everyone who gets elected to the WFW presidency would be corrupted by the power if they aren't already. Corrupt statesmen, general managers, presidents, and more are every promotion on Earth. Some are wrestlers, some aren't. Hell, I've even been one a few times. And through it all, I've survived, and prospered, despite everyone planning to strip me of my merits and leaving me to burn in direct sunlight.
This isn't anything new, there's always someone with power making corrupt decisions because some late 90s fads just can't die. I've been world champion through 2 of these presidents already, and should I lose, it's more likely going to be due to circumstances that don't have anything to do with a president or American health insurance. It isn't even a takeover, or some strike against the system, because I'm sure Felix realizes he's become the system, and it isn't much of a takeover if the majority of the roster votes you in. It's as rebellious as George W Bush.
But I understand why this is the light at the end of your tunnel, Jared Wells. You never thought you'd be the BAD Heavyweight Champion, nver thought you'd enjoy the success you do now. Still, I bet it gnaws at you that you're A world champion, but THE world champion. Yet, back in the days when I was the heavyweight champion of the world for Boston Action 'N' Destruction, there was little question who was the premier champion on the circuit.
Freud would say this frustration is why you try to turn everything into something sexual. I think it's just because you're either a deeply-closeted homosexual trying to convince everyone otherwise, or you've the maturity of a middle-aged, wife beater wearing bigot who thinks his phallic sword is the Exalibur of the midwest.
Your anger over not being the main world champion also might explain your monkey prejudice. That or Anarky told you about the time I painted Jacque's face like his skull makeup and let him loose in that club he used to own. Ah, good times. But either way, permanently or not, I will not make you my monkey. I will beat you and pummel you until you are begging me to leave locked in a cage and fed with fresh fruit because it is better than the thrashing I will give you with a torn leg of leather pants. In short, Jared, you really need to start coming up with excuses for being inferior because while you're at the peak of your career now, the BAD world title isn't. Is it the man or the title?
Who can decide? Perhaps you can do what I once did and form a ouja board out of the belt's plate and ask the spirits, but admittedly, I was very drunk at the time.
Speaking of inferior, Psycho has joined us. Now if I were a suburbanite working out of a retail office, I'd be scared to death if someone named Psycho started threatening me until I realized that someone named Psycho was threatening me. Let me help you out, idiot. I gave the entire WFW a chance to get a title shot, you basically ignored it. Now you have Felix who can give you one, that's fine and great. I'll skewer you like the others. However, since you were the champion once, for about a week, you should know I don't have say in who gets a title shot. If I did, I'd be giving John Paul II a heart attack at the Superbowl of Wrestling.
Sure, you weren't pinned, you didn't submit, but you did lose the title. There's precedents for that in this industry. You were outsmarted, which probably happens a lot with you. Face it, going around calling yourself Psycho, it's not like you put a lot of thought into these things. Look, it's not like I'm expecting you to quote Shakespeare or something, but give me something to work with here other than being a walking horror movie cliche. In today's cynical times, that stereotype is good only for tongue-in-cheek humor.
You have to give us all something here. Your biggest accomplishment is you were a world champion for a week, and you beat up Dan Ryan. Everyone gets to beat up Dan Ryan eventually. I woke up one week and for some reason it was in my contract. These Inner Circle guys debuted by signing a contract. That's who you beat up. Someone who wants to intimidate everyone by writing his name with a pen.
Take some of Jared's PCP, pose as his Mexican friend. Do something with this wretched life or I'll be forced to do something for you at Ghoulish Games.
Finally, Copycat..you want me to address you? What am I supposed to say to you? Go and win? I took it you already knew that. I'm not going to respect you, but you should already know that as well even if it currently your life's purpose. My life's purpose currently is to time my sugar rushes, but to each their own. You'll have my divided attention soon enough in a cage, but for now, you have to wait. Just like for everything else.
