WFW Ghoulish Games: Edmunds Fires Felix Red

[PaulNJ21]

BRANDON JACOBS: We are back and it is time for....

(CUEUP: 'Star****ers, INC.' by Nine Inch Nails as the lights in the arena go dark. The fans in the stands get real quiet as they look towards the entranceway.)

WATERS: "Who is this?"

JACOBS: "I don't know, Vic."

MARX: "Maybe this is one of the new surprises?"

WATERS: "Well it better be good."

(The fans immediately begin to jeer as 'Simply Sensational' Sean Edmunds and Sensational Sherri walk from behind the curtain.)

WATERS: "It's even better than a surprise!"

MARX: "Edmunds with some new music ... I guess he is trying to re-ignite his drive here in World's Finest Wrestling."

(Edmunds and Sherri begin to walk down the rampway, holding each other arm in arm as they stumble trying to get to the ring.)

JACOBS: "It looks like the President has had a little too much to drink ... or .. something else."

WATERS: "What are you talking about?! Edmunds and Sherri took the red eye flight here. They're probably a little tired!"

(As the get to the ring Edmunds rolls under the bottom rope as Sherri walks up the stairs. As she is trying to climb between the second and bottom rope she falls into the ring and her dress flies up revealing see through black panties.)

MARX: "I've already seen too much of Sherri tonight ... and we gotta see her again when she comes out for the match later."

WATERS: "Hot damn!!! What a woman!"

JACOBS: "Sherri seeming to have a hard time getting to her feet ... what is the meaning of this?"

(Sherri gets to her feet as the arena lights come back on. Both Edmunds and Sherri cover their eyes from the brightness, obviously annoyed. Sherri pulls two pairs of sunglasses from her purse and hands one to Edmunds. They put on the sunglasses.)

MARX: "I'm glad to see that Sherri packed her purse with something other than a brick."

WATERS: "There's no proof that she ever has ever had anything in her purse. She keeps her feminine products in there."

JACOBS: "Wouldn't you need to be feminine to do that?"

WATERS: "She's a lady, Brandon!"

(Edmunds takes the microphone from the announcer and stands in the middle of the ring, leaning one arm around Sherri.)

EDMUNDS: "I betchayall wondering whasexactly I'm doing down here."

MARX: "What the hell did he say?"

EDMUNDS: "I juscame to say that while I may not be WFF.. FW... WWF... WorldsFinesWresslin President after Turkey Day Terror that I still love each and everyone of you out there .... Right out there... (Edmunds points into the camera) and everyone at home."

JACOBS: "I don't think Edmunds can get out a sentence without slurring every other word!"

MARX: "Chris Wink needs to come down here and take control from Edmunds now!"

EDMUNDS: "Yasee ... when I became the W...... F ......... W ....... Yea thassit... the WFW Pres'dent I told myself that I wasgonna make this place the bessit could be. AND I DID."

(The crowd boos.)

EDMUNDS: "W.....F.......W is better because I made it better. Because I led it to greater heightsssssss... and nobody can take that away from me. Not Iron Lizzion .... Not Dan Rizzyan .... NOT MAELSTROM .... Not Lusssssser ... and ssssspeshally not Felix Red."

WATERS: "Lay down the law!"

MARX: "I think Edmunds has fallen off his rocker."

JACOBS: "He's not in any condition to wrestle here tonight, I think that that's clear."

EDMUNDS: "Yasee... when I firsss came to the Wubbya-EFFFFFFFF-Wubbya .... Chrisswink told me that thingsss were looking up. And that if I stayed here that I could be apart of ssssssssomething huge. WELL I TOOK HIS WORDSAND MADE THEM REALITY. I MADE THE WFW HUGE. Without 'Sssssimply Senstional....

MARX: "Senstional?"

EDMUNDS: "None of this wouldahavehappened. And what do I get in return? I get peoples like Maelstrom and LOVE coming out and sssssaying that I can't be Pres'dent anymo. I get people like Iron Lizzion saying that they're twenty thousand million bajillion times better than meh."

WATERS: "This is all Iron Lion's fault!"

JACOBS: "We saw Edmunds pretty bad leading up to Ghoulish Games ... but this ... he can hardly put together a coherent thought!"

EDMUNDS: "Ssssssssso I tellyawhatImgonnado... Tonight is tha night that I GET EVEN..."

SHERRI: "STEVEN!"

(Edmunds and Sherri begin to chuckle...)

MARX: "This is disgraceful. All the years Edmunds has spent trying to stay fit, both physically and mentally ... and it's all coming down tonight."

EDMUNDS: "I mean... I look around me and what does I see? I see people like Thirteen. John Doe. All these lil' boys trying to make it in the biz'ness. I'm THIRTY (BLEEP)ing YEARS OLD. I gots to work harder and harder every year to stay on top of muh game ... and Sherri she is ..."

(Sherri slaps Edmunds.)

SHERRI: "Don't you even dare!"

EDMUNDS: "Heyyy! Iwassjussgonna say that you screw like a woman 20 years younger. .. you know a 26 year old."

SHERRI: "Oh... okay... Im sssssssssorry.'

MARX: "Uh..."

WATERS: "What?"

MARX: "Simple math ...."

WATERS: "Huh?"

JACOBS: "20 years younger.. like a 26 year old.. do the match Vic."

EDMUNDS: "But don't you worry all my ... SENSATIONALMANIACS..."

JACOBS: "Uh."

EDMUNDS: "Becauss I know that yous all want me to still be the Pres'dent of this fine promotion. Ssssssssssso ... I gots a plan ... in fact.. sssince I'm still the W...W..."

SHERRI: "FWF!"

EDMUNDS: "Yea! Since I'm still Pres'dent... I am going to make sure that I stay that way. Felix Red..."

(Edmunds pauses and purses his lips.)

EDMUNDS: "Je vous déteste. Je vous espère chute devant un camion."

JACOBS: "Woah, woah, woah.."

MARX: "Did Edmunds just break out in French?"

WATERS: "What ... that's not French."

EDMUNDS: "Je vous obtiendrai. Je vous ferai le salaire."

(Sherri looks at Edmunds and whispers something in his ear.)

EDMUNDS: "Oh sh*t. Uh."

MARX: "Well, Edmunds is originally from Quebec City ..."

WATERS: "He's from Boston."

MARX: "But he's from..."

WATERS: "KAYFABE YOU IDIOT!"

EDMUNDS: "So I assed myself.."

JACOBS: "He assed himself?"

EDMUNDS: "What can I do... you know .. to .. ssssstay assPres'dent. And it came to me in a dream ...."

SHERRI: "No.. I think it was an induced haz..."

EDMUNDS: "A DREAM! Where all the little white boys and girls will play with all of Maelstrom's children ... well, until they realize that Maelstrom's kidssarean ab-dom-in... ab-onmin- .... Abondmination...."

MARX: "I think he was trying to say abomination.."

EDMUNDS: "But then after that dream ... I had another... (turns to Sherri) it wasssrally kinda boring ... so anywho.. the THIRD dream I had wasss the just the one that made it all clear to me. What better way to retain power.... THAN TO MAKE THE RESULTS ILLEGAL!"

(The crowd begins to boo heavily.)

JACOBS: "What does he mean illegal?"

MARX: "He can't do that.. they've been certified!"

EDMUNDS: "I know what you're thinking. He can't do that ... they're certified."

WATERS: "See how astute Edmunds is?"

EDMUNDS: "BUT I AM GONNA DO IT. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhure... they're certified.. but riddle me this.."

SHERRI: "Oooo I love riddles!"

EDMUNDS: "How ... can one person ... be the Pres'dent ... WHEN THEY DON'T WORK THERE?"

MARX: "Is he saying what I think he's saying?"

WATERS: "Felix Red quit WFW?!"

EDMUNDS: "THASSRIGHT. As of right thisssecond.... FELIX RED IS TERMINATED FROM THE W ......... W.............. HE's FIRED GODDAMMIT."

(Edmunds puts the microphone from his mouth as trash litters the ring.)

JACOBS: "Edmunds can't do that! He just fired the person who beat him for the Presidency!"

MARX: "But ... that would mean that Red's votes would no longer count..."

WATERS: "AND EDMUNDS WOULD BE PRESIDENT AGAIN!"

EDMUNDS: "SUCK ON THAT L.O.V.E! And asssa lil' ... reward.... The person who kicksshim from the building firss will get a bonus ... and I WILL DOUBLE THEIR SALARY!!!"

WATERS: "Ingenious!"

MARX: "He's lost his mind!"

EDMUNDS: "Now ifs you don't mind .. I gots me a match to be prepar-ed for."

(CUEUP: 'Star****ers, Inc.' by Nine Inch Nails as Edmunds and Sherri begin to make out in the ring. They eventually tip over and crash to the mat as referees come out to escort them to the back.)