I shunned a voodoo witch, decapitated a black cat
(FADEIN: The WFW Invitational Tag Team tournament graphic comes on screen. Slowly the pictures of the teams that have been eliminated fade away … finally two pictures come crashing into the center of the screen causing the brackets to shake and shatter. The graphic rests on the Steve Johnson / Jean Rabesque and Rainbow Cat / Ultimate Mephisto pictures as the screen fades to ringside.)
BRANDON JACOBS: Welcome everyone to ALMOST LIVE! We are here tonight before Road to Glory .. and what a show we’ve got for you.
JONATHAN MARX: There won’t be the usual three or so matchers here tonight as we only have one .. the WFW Tag Team tournament will have a match as two teams fight to see who will move on!”
BRANDON JACOBS: I’m Brandon Jacobs, and alongside me as always is Jonathan Marx and Vic Waters!
VIC WATERS: I’m telling you. Here tonight Michael Manson… I mean, Ultimate Mephisto and Rainbow Cat are going to wipe the floor with Jean Rabesque and Steve Johnson once and for all.
BRANDON JACOBS: The stakes are high as one team moves on, and the other does not.. At Great Expectations, Jean Rabesque and Steve Johnson defeated the team of Powermaster and Rat McRatrick … while Ultimate Mephisto and Rainbow Cat defeated Robbie Wright and Larry Tact.
VIC WATERS: I knew Tact didn’t have it in him. Rabesque managed to squeeze by by CHEATING at Great Expectations, but he won’t be so lucky tonight again Mic.. er Ultimate Mephisto.
JONATHAN MARX: Something on your mind, Vic?
VIC WATERS: No.. nothing at all….. why don’t you pay attention and stop prying, Marx!
BRANDON JACOBS: Let’s go to the ring announcer and get Almost Live rolling!
(CUTTO: Ring announcer. He stands in the middle of the ring, his toupee off to the side. He looks down at the note cards and clears his throat.)
RING ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen… tonight’s match is scheduled for one fall … and is a match in the WFW TAGGGGGG TEAAAAAAAAAM TOURNAMENT!
(SFX: Crowd pops)
RING ANNOUNCER: Introducing first..
(CUEUP: ‘It’s Raining Men’ by the Weather Girls.)
RING ANNOUNCER: He hails from the OTHER side of the Rainbow … the undying Mephisto enthusiast ….. RAINNNNNBOWWWWW CAT!
(Rainbow Cat comes out in a rainbow outfit, his mask included.. even his cat ears… he prances down to the ring to the boos of the crowd.)
RING ANNOUNCER: His first opponent … hailing from COLUMBUS, OHIO …..
(CUEUP: ‘Won’t Back Down’ by Tom Petty)
RING ANNOUNCER: STEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE JOHHHHHHHNSONNNNNNNN!
(Johnson cracks his knuckles as he steps through the curtain and he walks to the ring staring at Rainbow Cat who is in the corner pawing at the mat.)
JONATHAN MARX: I hope he’s litter trained…
VIC WATERS: He is trained in whatever Ultimate Mephisto wants him to be trained in.
RING ANNOUNCER: And his partner ….
(CUEUP: ‘Shapes of Things’ by the Jeff Healy Band… the fans explode when Jean Rabesque steps through the curtain.)
RING ANNOUNCER: From Montreal, Quebec, Canada …. He is the current New ERA World Champion … JEAAAAAAAAAN RABBBBBBBBBBESSSSSSQUUUUUUUUEEEE!!!
(Rabesque walks briskly to the ring as fans try to touch him as he walks by.)
RING ANNOUNCER: Finally …
(The lights go out and a large red light shines on the entrance way.)
RING ANNOUNCER: The man who strikes fear in the hearts of man, the man, the myth, the legend…. MEPPPPPPPHHHHHHISTO!
(Nothing. All of a sudden we hear some commotion in the ring.. The lights come up.)
BRANDON JACOBS: MEPHISTO IS IN THE RING!
VIC WATERS: That Mephisto is a real magician! He teleported himself from the ramp into the ring!
(DING! DING! DING!)
BRANDON JACOBS: This match is under way and we’ve got all four men in the ring already! Mephisto has got a hold of Jean Rabesque while Blue Cat has clobbered Steve Johnson in the corner.
VIC WATERS: You mean Rainbow Cat.
BRANDON JACOBS: Yea.. I’m sorry. I can hardly keep their names straight anymore. Johnson finally gets back into the swing of things and he belts Rainbow Cat in the gut … Cat backs up … AND IS TAKEN DOWN BY A SWIFT CLOTHESLINE!
JONATHAN MARX: The referee has finally separated Ultimate Mephisto and Jean Rabesque and now he’s sent them to their corners. Looks like he’s established Rainbow Cat and Steve Johnson as the legal two.
BRANDON JACOBS: Johnson grabs Cat up by the neck…
VIC WATERS: Just like a loving mother cat grabs her kitten…
BRANDON JACOBS: I doubt we could consider Steve Johnson as a loving mother type, Vic. Johnson grabs the arm of Cat and rings it… and now he brings it around a second time … and there’s the tag to Rabesque.
JONATHAN MARX: Rabesque and Johnson tagging early, trying to get into the groove of getting in and out of the ring and working as a smooth operating team.
BRANDON JACOBS: Rabesque with a shot to the stomach doubles over Rainbow Cat … and now Rabesque with a quick swinging neckrbeaker has Mephisto’s minion on the ground.
VIC WATERS: Rainbow Cat is a Mephisto Enthusiast … you should treat him with some respect.
BRANDON JACOBS: Although I think Rainbow Cat has some great wrestling skills, I find it hard to respect a man who dresses in a rainbow cat suit.
JONATHAN MARX: Rabesque now rubbing the face of Rainbow Cat into the mat and he slaps him in the back of the head for kicks.
BRANDON JACOBS: Rabesque and Johnson have taken control of this match early, despite the fact that Ultimate Mephisto and Rainbow Cat blindsided them to start this match. Rabesque now brings Cat to his feet and he throws him into the corner … and he starts driving the boots into the midsection of Rainbow Cat.
JONATHAN MARX: Rabesque is cutting off the ring early and keeping Rainbow Cat on his side of the ring.
BRANDON JACOBS: Rabesque now with a tag to Steve Johnson and they bring Rainbow Cat out of the corner …. AND TAKE HIM OVER WITH A DOUBLE SUPLEX! Rabesque leaves the ring and Johnson drops the elbow into the sternum of Rainbow Cat. Quick cover … ONE … TW—No.. Rainbow Cat still has enough sense to make the kick out.
VIC WATERS: Johnson’s not going to get him that quickly. Ultimate Mephisto has taught Rainbow Cat well. All those nights in the dungeon have prepared Rainbow Cat for the end of the world, and these weak attempts are nothing to him.
BRANDON JACOBS: Steve Johnson brings Rainbow Cat to his feet by his … ears … and now he irish whips Cat into the ropes. Rainbow Cat on the return, but he ducks a clothesline attempt! Johnson turns … AND RAINBOW CAT WITH A FLYING CROSS BODY TAKES HIM DOWN! ONE … and Johnson easily kicks out!
JONATHAN MARX: Rainbow Cat going on pure instinct there.
VIC WATERS: He’s got the reflexes of a cat, Marx…
BRANDON JACOBS: Cat is up … BUT JOHNSON WITH A KNEE TO THE GUT SENDS HIM HEAD OVER FEET TO THE MAT! Steve Johnson with boots to the … AND ULTIMATE MEPHISTO COMES IN AND CLOBBERS STEVE JOHNSON IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!
VIC WATERS: Always keep your eyes open when Mephisto is near …
BRANDON JACOBS: The referee now forcing Mephisto to get to his corner, but I think he did what he needed to as Rainbow Cat is crawling over to make the tag. Steve Johnson getting to his feet and he turns around just in time to see Rainbow Cat make the tag!
VIC WATERS: Steve Johnson is about to come face to face with his destiny.
JONATHAN MARX: Ultimate Mephisto in the ring and he greets Steve Johnson with a chop to the throat. Johnson turns to tag in Rabesque, but Mephisto grabs him from behind and drops him head first with a back suplex. Mephisto now wraps his arm around the neck of Johnson … and he applies a blatant choke hold!
VIC WATERS: That’s a headlock if I ever saw one!
BRANDON JACOBS: Then you need to get your eyes checked, Vic. The referee makes the count .. ONE, TWO, THREE, FOU.. and Mephisto releases the hold … JUST TO RE-APPLY IT! ONE, TWO, THREE.. and now he drops Johnson to the mat … and Mephisto is walking over to where Jean Rabesque is standing!
JONATHAN MARX: Rabesque needs to maintain his cool if he wants to make sure that his partner doesn’t get in any more trouble.
BRANDON JACOBS: Mephisto is there … and now he is motioning to Rabesque that he is next! Rabesque just nods at Mephisto … and STEVE JOHNSON ROLLS MEPHISTO UP! ONE … TW—NO! Mephisto kicks out and quickly drops the elbow … BUT JOHNSON ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! Johnson with a burst of energy …. AND HE TAGS IN RABESQUE!
(SFX: Crowd pops!)
VIC WATERS: CHEATER!
BRANDON JACOBS: Rabesque in the ring like Flash Gordon, and he nails Mephisto in the face with a right hand … Rainbow Cat in now as well, and Rabesque ducks the clothesline of Rainbow Cat, and delivers one of his own! Ultimate Mephisto up again … and Rabesque with an inverted atomic drop … AND DROPKICKS MEPHISTO RIGHT INTO RAINBOW CAT AND BOTH MEN GO DOWN!
VIC WATERS: These idiots in this arena are acting like this is the second coming of Jesus.. Someone shut them up before Mephisto gets so mad that he calls upon the lightning to srike them!
JONATHAN MARX: Steve Johnson back in the ring now and he and Jean Rabesque grab Mephisto… irish whip .. AND THEY HIT A DOUBLE FLAPJACK ON MEPHISTO! Johnson grabs Rainbow Cat … Rabesque off the ropes … AND JOHNSON SPINEBUSTERS CAT DOWN AS RABESQUE DROPS THE RUNNING KNEE DROP!
VIC WATERS: REFEREE! Get some order in there!!!
BRANDON JACOBS: The referee now escorting Steve Johnson back to his corner .. and now he’s trying to roll Rainbow Cat to his corner… Jean Rabesque brings Mephisto to his feet and he drops him to the mat with a backbreaker. Rabesque now grabs the leg of Mephisto … and he drives the knee into the mat! Rabesque … AGAIN drives the knee into the mat! And now he comes over and tags in Steve Johnson.
JONATHAN MARX: Keep those quick tags coming.. that way they both stay fresh.
BRANDON JACOBS: Rabesque tells Johnson to continue to work the knee of Mephisto… and Johnson nods. Steve Johnson waits of Ultimate Mephisto to get to his feet … AND HE KICKS HIM RIGHT IN THE BACK OF THE KNEE TAKING HIM BACK DOWN! Steve Johnson quickly over and he steps on the opposite foot of Mephisto and SNAPS THE OTHER LEG INTO THE MAT! Johnson now dragging Mephisto over to the corner … and he places that leg on the ropes …. Johnson climbs up…… BUT ULTIMATE MEPHISTO USES THAT FREE LEG AND KICKS JOHNSON RIGHT IN THE BEHIND AND OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE ARENA FLOOR!
VIC WATERS: Johnson took a chance and it bit him in the ass. Tough luck, sucker!
BRANDON JACOBS: Mephisto takes his leg off of the rope and turns to get to Rainbow Cat … and Cat is meowing ……
JONATHAN MARX: I think Cat was trying to warn him that Johnson was up, but Mephisto didn’t understand …. And now Johnson has Mephisto by the legs ….
(SFX: Crowd groans)
JONATHAN MARX: And Johnson grabbed onto the feet of Mephisto and … well … let’s just say the steel post isn’t necessarily supposed to go where it just went.
VIC WATERS: That is a BLATANT LOW BLOW! Johnson and Rabesque should be disqualified!
BRANDON JACOBS: The referee warning Johnson about the use of the steel post and Johnson just shrugs his shoulders… and now he introduces the knee of Mephisto into the steel post! AND AGAIN!
JONATHAN MARX: Mephisto sits up in pain… and he finally manages to get out of the corner and tries to crawl away.
VIC WATERS: Crawl? You make it sound like he is some petty child! Ultimate Mephisto is the know all, end all. There is nothing in this world like Ultimate Mephisto.. and to say that he’s “crawling” is an insult I doubt you will go unpunished for!
BRANDON JACOBS: Mephisto halfway to his corner, but Steve Johnson slides into the ring and he’s right behind him. Johnson grabs the leg of Mephisto … BUT MEPHISTO FLIPS ONTO HIS BACK AND DRIVES A BOOT RIGHT INTO THE JAW OF JOHNSON! Steve Johnson tumbles into the corner and Mephisto dives into his corner tagging in Blue Cat.
VIC WATERS: RAINBOW CAT!
BRANDON JACOBS: Rainbow Cat. I’m sorry.
VIC WATERS: Get it right!
JONATHAN MARX: Rainbow Cat is in the corner faster than you can say meow mix, and he is driving those euopean uppercuts into Johnson’s face. Johnson tries to block his face … BUT BLUE CAT WITH A BEAUTIFUL BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! ONE ……. TWO …… KICKOUT!
BRANDON JACOBS: Rainbow Cat brings Johnson to his feet with him … Cat bounces off the ropes .. BUT JOHNSON WITH A SHOT TO THE FACE! JOHNSON WITH ANOTHER!! STEVE JOHNSON JUST FLOORED RAINBOW CAT WITH A DOUBLE ARM DDT! …. AND JOHNSON TAGS IN RABESQUE!
VIC WATERS: Great, just when the action was getting heated, he brings in the Borinator.
BRANDON JACOBS: Rabesque grabs Rainbow Cat and … HE SLINGSHOTS HIM RIGHT INTO THE CORNER!
JONATHAN MARX: Wait a minute!! Rainbow Cat landed on his feet and braced for impact!
VIC WATERS: Cats always land on their feet!! Rainbow Cat is slumped in the corner … he is acting like he hit it full force!
JONATHAN MARX: The referee saw him land on his feet and now he’s going over to check to see if everything is okay … but Rabesque doesn’t know what is happening and he follows in after the referee…
(SFX: Crowd groans)
BRANDON JACOBS: AND RAINBOW CAT WITH A MULE KICK THAT LOW BLOWS JEAN RABESQUE! Rabesque is doubled over in pain … AND RAINBOW CAT WITH A BULLDOG INTRODUCES RABESQUE FACE TO THE MAT!
JONATHAN MARX: If the referee saw that, it would have been an automatic disqualification.
VIC WATERS: So its okay for Rabesque and Johnson to low blow Mephisto, but not for Rainbow Cat?
BRANDON JACOBS: Rainbow Cat over to Rabesque now … and he slams him to the mat … AND RAINBOW CAT IS GOING UP TOP!
JONATHAN MARX: Here comes that picture perfect moonsault that we’ve seen Rainbow Cat do in the past …
BRANDON JACOBS: Rainbow Cat UP ON THE TOP ROPE …. AND HE FLIES OFF WITH THE MOONSAULT! …. BUT RABESQUE GOT THE KNEES UP!! RABESQUE GOT THE KNEES UP AND RAINBOW CAT CRASHES HIS RIBCAGE DOWN ON THEM!
VIC WATERS: NO DAMMIT! NO!!
JONATHAN MARX: Rabesque rolls Rainbow Cat off of him and he gets to his feet … and now he begins stomping on Rainbow Cat’s arm! Rabesque now grabs Rainbow Cat AND DRAGS HIM BY HIS MASK OVER TO HIS CORNER … and he tags in Steve Johnson!
BRANDON JACOBS: Johnson in … and he places Rainbow Cat on the top rope! RAINBOW CAT IS STRADDLING THE TOP ROPE AND NOW STEVE JOHNSON IS UP THERE AS WELL!! JOHNSON … JOHNSON WITH THE SUPERPLEX AND BOTH MEN HIT THE MAT!
VIC WATERS: Come on Mephisto, don’t let your martyr … become a martyr!
BRANDON JACOBS: Johnson makes the cover …. ONE …….. TWO ………. THREE!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! Ultimate Mephisto is in the ring and he pulled Johnson off of Cat!
JONATHAN MARX: AND RABESQUE JUST BLINDSIDED HIM WITH A RUNNING ELBOW SMASH! Rabesque grabs Manson from behind … AND HE DUMPS HIM OVER WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX! Jean Rabesque now quickly wraps the legs of Mephisto…. AND MEPHISTO IS CAUGHT IN THE FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK!
(SFX: Crowd explodes!!)
VIC WATERS: BUT HE’S NOT THE LEGAL MAN!! SOMEONE STOP HIM!!! WHERE’s THE MACE?!
JONATHAN MARX: The referee over trying to get Rabesque off of Mephisto …. AND STEVE JOHNSON JUST TOSSED RAINBOW CAT INTO THE CORNER! Blue Cat tumbles back …..
(SFX: Crowd pops huge!)
BRANDON JACOBS: AND STEVE JOHNSON HOOKS THE HANDS!! STEVE JOHNSON HAS THE FULL NELSON ON RAINBOW CAT!
VIC WATERS: Mephisto, use your mind powers!! Save Rainbow Cat!!
(SFX: Crowd pops again!)
BRANDON JACOBS: FOR THE LOVE OF THE GAME!!! STEVE JOHNSON HITS THE FULL NELSON RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP!!! JOHNSON IS COVERING ….
JONATHAN MARX: But the referee is too busy with Rabesque!
BRANDON JACOBS: Johnson gets to his feet … and he turns the referee around… but the referee goes back to Rabesque!
VIC WATERS: Haha! Jean Rabesque is going to lose it for the team!
BRANDON JACOBS: MEPHISTO IS POUNDING THE MAT WITH HIS FISTS AS HE TRIES TO GET AT RABESQUE ……
(SFX: Crowd jeers intensely!)
JONATHAN MARX: What the….
BRANDON JACOBS: MEPHISTO JUST SPRAYED SOME SORT OF MYST FROM HIS MOUTH INTO THE EYES OF RABESQUE!!! Rabesque releases the hold and rolls out of the ring!
JONATHAN MARX: But Mephisto is too worn out to do anything!! He can’t possibly get to his feet! The referee rolls him to the outside of the ropes and goes back to Johnson… and Johnson is staring in disbelief at what just happened!
VIC WATERS: BUT RAINBOW CAT IS ON HIS FEET!!! RAINBOW CAT IS BACK TO BACK WITH JOHNSON AND JOHNSON AND HE DON’T EVEN KNOW IT!
BRANDON JACOBS: Ohhhh, but Rainbow Cat knows now!
JONATHAN MARX: Rainbow Cat waits for Johnson to turn…. Steve Johnson turns …… AND JOHNSON DUCKS UNDER A RAINBOW CAT CLOTHESLINE!! Johnson with a kick to the gut …… AND HE HITS THE SIT DOWN POWERBOMB!!! ONE …………….. TWO ………………… THREEE!!! BY GOD THEY DID IT! STEVE JOHNSON AND JEAN RABESQUE ARE MOVING ON IN THE TOURNAMENT!
(DING! DING! DING! CUEUP: ‘Won’t Back Down’ by Tom Petty.)
RING ANNOUNCER: The winners of this match … and moving on to the next round of the WFW Tag Team tournament ……. JEAN RABESQUE and STEEEEEEEEEEVE JOHHHHHHHNSONNNNNNNNN!!!!
VIC WATERS: NO!!! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!! ULTIMATE MEPHISTO NEVER LOSES!!
BRANDON JACOBS: Steve Johnson telegraphed the clothesline attempt it seems, and he comes back with a sit down powerbomb to win this match… and what a win it is … Steve Johnson and Jean Rabesque with an incredible win over Ultimate Mephisto and his lemming Rainbow Cat tonight!
VIC WATERS: I’m disgusted.. I’m going back stage.
(Waters stands up and leaves the broadcast table)
JONATHAN MARX: I’ve never seen someone so dejected in my life.
BRANDON JACOBS: He probably ran out of vodka and is using this as his chance to refill.
JONATHAN MARX: Ah, makes sense.
BRANDON JACOBS: Ladies and gentlemen, for Jonathan Marx and Vic Waters… I want to thank you for tuning into WFW Almost Live …. we’ll see you in just a few moments for MORE incredible WFW superstars as WFW brings you ROAD to GLORY from Disneyland!!!