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[WEST 1st Round] 4. Big Wreck vs. 5. Mittens T. Cat

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CuseTroy

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Match to be held at the Frank Erwin Center in Austin, Texas

RP Deadline: Sunday, April 19 @ 11:59:59 p.m. EST
 

MarcusWestcott

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(Inside his suburban Detroit home, it's 3:27 AM, and TEAM FFA~! and A1E Challenge Champion Big Wreck sits deep into his living room sofa, leaned back and passed out in his Transformers: Animated pajamas in front of the television, which is still on, running a classic Batman (with Adam West) marathon. Big Wreck's head is back, and his mouth is wide open, and we can see drool running out the left side of his mouth. Ducky(~!), Big Wreck's rubber duck, trusty sidekick and best friend, is seated on Wreck's right shoulder.

The theme song to Batman pours out of the TV... "na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na... BATMAN!"

The trumpets blast in the song as the POW!s, KOFF!s WHACK!s, WHAM!'s, and SPLAT!'s fill up the screen, and with each shot, Wreck's closed eyes begin to clench shut even tighter, and his head quickly turns from side to side as the sounds stab through the room. Wreck's sleep becomes more fitful as his arms and legs come up, and he looks like a kitten on it's back and legs in the air.

As the theme song builds to its end, the sweat is pouring off of Wreck's forehead, and the theme music comes to an end... "na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na...", and Big Wreck BURSTS awake, jerking forward into an upright seated position, breathing hard, and Ducky FLIES off his shoulder...)

Big Wreck: CAT-MAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!

(Wreck takes a second to give his head a shake, and he wipes off his forehead, trying to calm his breathing.)

Big Wreck: Ducky! Ducky! You wouldn't BELIEVE the dream I was having!

(Wreck looks down at his shoulder and realizes that Ducky isn't there. With a bit of panic, he looks around the room and spots his little yellow friend upside down on the living room floor. Wreck quickly grabs him and sets him on the arm of the sofa.)

Big Wreck: Sorry about that, little fella! But this dream was F*CKED UP! I was dreaming Batman was beating the hell out of all the baddies, and he finally had Penguin by the nose and was about to bash him in, before the whole scene faded away, the bow-chick-a-wow porn music cued up, and Batman MORPHED BEFORE MY VERY EYES to become this CATman in a horrendous looking cat mascot outfit, and Penguin turned into CatWoman, complete with hot black outfit and Penguin's BEAK, and CatMan, in his full gigantic, r*tarded cat suit glory started licking CatWoman behind the ears!

(The camera cuts to Ducky and focuses there for a second, and then cuts back to Big Wreck.)

Big Wreck: You're DAMNED RIGHT that was MESSED UP! And there *I* was from across the room, handcuffed to this giraffe, forced to WATCH this like the guy in the joke in Hell where he gets taken to the room where the woman's giving this guy this blowjob and she's been doing it for like 10 years, so the guy thinks HE'S gonna get the blowjob, but ends up REPLACING the girl and there's no way out, and I'm *screaming* at CatMan, going "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG!!" I mean, JEEZ, if ya wanna lick some p*ssy, he was at TOTALLY the polar opposite end of the body! He was at the North Pole when he should have been heading for the Bermuda Triangle, if you're pickin' up what I'm puttin' down, Ducky!

(The camera cuts to Ducky, and then cuts back to Big Wreck.)

Big Wreck: I KNOW! TOTALLY untrained! And then I realized... this is a guy in a freaking FUZZY CAT SUIT! What a screwed up dream! At least I'll never have to see THAT again in real life!

(The camera cuts to Ducky, and then cuts back to Big Wreck.)

Big Wreck: Whaddya mean?

(The camera cuts to Ducky, and then cuts back to Big Wreck.)

Big Wreck: You mean I'm WRESTLING a guy in a freaking CAT SUIT in the first round of the TEAM tournament?

(The camera cuts to Ducky, and then cuts back to Big Wreck.)

Big Wreck: He's in a giant cat mascot suit?!?!

(The camera cuts to Ducky, and then cuts back to Big Wreck.)

Big Wreck: His NAME is Mittens T. Cat?!? Do you mean to tell me... seriously now... that my first match in this tournament is against a guy in a giant freaking cat mascot suit, and his name is Mittens T. Cat?

(The camera cuts to Ducky, and then cuts back to Big Wreck, who is just sitting there, a completely stunned look on his face. His eyes blink a couple times, still shocked.)

Big Wreck: What the...??? Has this entire PLANET gone to hell in a handbasket? Since when does a grown man need to resort to such a childish thing like dressing up like a cat?

(The camera cuts to Ducky, pauses for several moments, and then cuts back to Big Wreck.)

Big Wreck: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... he's one of THOSE... those "Furries"... those people that have those parties and other get-togethers and they all dress up as animals and furry things, and they all have really weird, furry sex with each other. Jesus Christ, Ducky... I don't wanna get Beast-ified out there! That's the LAST thing I need is to have this giant Cat-C*ck stuck up my ass!

(The camera cuts to Ducky, and then cuts back to Big Wreck.)

Big Wreck: Well, you're right... cats DO have traditionally small penises... HEY!!! DOESN'T matter!! I STILL don't want any cat-c*ck coming my way!

(The camera cuts to Ducky, and then cuts back to Big Wreck.)

Big Wreck: What do you mean, did I see Ace Ventura: Pet Detective?

(The camera cuts to Ducky, pauses for several moments, and then cuts back to Big Wreck.)

Big Wreck: OH YEAH!! The scene at the end, where Ace is beating the ever-loving CRAP out of that dude in the eagle suit! Yeah, THAT'S what this match'll be like! But I still don't want to see any cat-c*ck! If this dude's into beastiality... then I guess that's all good for him. Whatever floats his boat. Just KEEP that sh*t away from me!

(The camera cuts to Ducky, and then cuts back to Big Wreck.)

Big Wreck: I'm gonna SLAUGHTER that p*ssy! Hell, this'll be just like date night with Kobe Tai! Big Wreck 1, P*ssy 0! AWWWWWWWRIGHT!

(Fade out.)
 

MarcusWestcott

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(Inside his suburban Detroit home, TEAM FFA~! and A1E Challenge Champion Big Wreck stands in the living room of his home, wearing a red Detroit Red Wings t-shirt and shorts, looking a little pissed off, his hands on his hips.)

Big Wreck: Where the hell is that darned cat?

(Cut to Ducky(~!), sitting on the top of the television set, and back to Wreck.)

Big WrecK: Well, then you shouldn't have left the DOOR open! Here, kitty kitty! HEEEEEEEEEERE, kitty kitty!

(Big Wreck zeroes in on a sound coming from behind the sofa, so, like a cat himself, Wreck slowly stalks his way over to the corner of the sofa, and POUNCES!)

Big Wreck: HE GOT AWAY! A little help?

(Cut to Ducky, and back to Wreck.)

Big Wreck: Oh sure, use the old "I'm just a rubber duck" excuse. You know, it wouldn't hurt to get off your ass once in a while. You're gonna get FAT. OH **** THERE HE IS!

(Wreck dives towards the television set, and JUST misses a streaking cat that slips behind the TV. Wreck isn't as fortunate, and slams face first into the cabinet supporting the TV. A framed picture of Wreck and JA holding the A1E World Tag Team Championships falls off the cabinet and smashes over Wreck's head.)

Big Wreck: Great. JUST FRIGGING GREAT. Stupid cats. When you don't want them around, they're ALL OVER you, but when you need them for something, you just can't count on them for SH*T. Of all the days to have the dog at the groomers. Wolfie would have that cat outta here in SECONDS.

(Cut to Ducky, and back to Wreck.)

Big Wreck: DIE, FOUL FELINE!!

(Wreck DIVES, and comes up with a mangy, foul-smelling cat in his hands!)

Big Wreck: Don't you SCRATCH me, you sonofab*tch!

(Wreck takes the cat to the door, opens it, and PUNTS the cat out the door!)

Big Wreck: GO BACK TO MRS. FLANAGANS AND PISS ON *HER* GERANIUMS, YOU HEATHEN FLEA-BAG!!

(Wreck SLAMS the door and turns around, and lets out a huge breath.)

Big Wreck: Try and use MY prize-winning geraniums as a litter box, you little bastard!

(Cut to Ducky, and back to Wreck.)

Big Wreck: Right. Sorry about the fat remark. I was just a little upset.

(Cut to Ducky, and back to Wreck.)

Big Wreck: Yeah, that's what happens when it comes to cats. All you want out of them as a little ATTENTION, and what do they do in return? They sh*t all over the place, and leave fur in places you never thought you even had! I tell you, the next cat I see... it's gonna go through ALL NINE of it's lives!

(Cut to Ducky, and back to Wreck.)

Big Wreck: Yeah, good idea. Let's find some GI Joe to watch!

(Fade out.)
 
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