::Marx and Jacobs are sitting in the corner table at Starbucks, looking out the window on what feels like the first day of summer::
JONATHAN MARX: It feels so good to feel the sunshine again.
BRANDON JACOBS: We don’t get to do this as often as we should anymore.
JONATHAN MARX: Sometimes I feel like I wish I could just hop into a time machine and go back and stop the hands of time so I could better savor the moment.
BRANDON JACOBS: We still have one back at the mansion if it comes to that. Life has been good though for both of us, just different.
JONATHAN MARX: I was watching House a couple of months ago or so and I had this great idea but I realized I had no where to do it.
BRANDON JACOBS: I had one for the Boston Legal finale too.
JONATHAN MARX: You know what this means right? We’ve got a year’s worth of ideas so we have to make sure this run in TIT goes as long as possible to try to get them all out.
BRANDON JACOBS: We are facing Eric Thompson again.
JONATHAN MARX: The rich guy who wants to be Jonathan Marx but he doesn’t do it as well and is dryer than that god awful Jimmy Fallon without SNL writers?
BRANDON JACOBS: The very same you beat last year.
JONATHAN MARX: Well, where is he? Is he one of those rich guys off at one of those Fox News Sponsored Teabagging parties?
BRANDON JACOBS: Nobody can find him. He isn’t returning calls.
JONATHAN MARX: Maybe he went into his fallout shelter since he thinks the world is coming to an end. First Obama, now me…. Next thing you know, he’ll be claiming he wanted to be here but he got kidnapped by pirates.
BRANDON JACOBS: The world has gone insane.
JONATHAN MARX: The world has gone batship, they are killing us right now. It is hard to make things absurd when the world is repeatedly beating you too it.
BRANDON JACOBS: But in an insane world, aren’t the sane the outcasts? That would put us right where we have always been.
JONATHAN MARX: Either that or we’ll have to take it up a notch. We’ve were absurd before it was cool. We’ll just have to decide as we go.
BRANDON JACOBS: Let the road to the TIT Finals begin.
::Jacobs and Marx are dressed as pirates in an old fashioned row boat with Jacobs rowing, in the middle of the ocean::
BRANDON JACOBS: Row, row, row your boat.... c'mon
JONATHAN MARX (annoyed): Row, row, row your boat....
BRANDON JACOBS: Gently down the stream...
JONATHAN MARX: Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily..
BRANDON JACOBS (shouting): Life is but a dream.
JONATHAN MARX: That isn't a pirate song.
BRANDON JACOBS: But it is public domain so TEAM doesn't have to pay royalties if we use it...
JONATHAN MARX: I think I see a boat up ahead. Give me the telescope.
::takes the shiny telescope out of its case and hands it to Marx::
BRANDON JACOBS: I still don't think this is a good idea.
JONATHAN MARX: This is TEAM and even though this tournament is about individual, we are all mates and when someone goes missing, it is our duty to go looking for them. I think our luck has picked up, I believe we have found some pirates. Hopefully my Somalian isn't too rusty.
PIRATE: Cosa stai facendo due su l'acqua? Aspettate, non è Jonathan Marx, il nuovo mondo Heavyweight Champion? (What are you two doing out on the water? Wait, aren't you Jonathan Marx, the NEW World Heavyweight Champion?)
JONATHAN MARX: Sì, sono Jonathan Marx. Stiamo cercando per il mio avversario Eric Thompson. Lui è ricco e ha cattivo denti. (Yes, I am Jonathan Marx. We are looking for my opponent Eric Thompson. He is rich and he has bad teeth.)
PIRATE: Non siamo pirati. Siamo italiano pescatore. (We aren't pirates. We are Italian fisherman.)
JONATHAN MARX: Potete giocare insieme? Non siamo riusciti a trovare alcun Somalians attori del sindacato. (Can you play along? We couldn't find any Somalians actors in the union.)
PIRATES: Sì, ma si dovrà acquistare pesce da noi quando abbiamo un ritorno ai bacini.
(Yes, but you will have to buy some fish from us when we get back to the docks.)
BRANDON JACOBS: I hate cleaning fish. Damn Screen Actors Guild.
::Marx takes out of a unflattering photo of Eric Thompson with photoshopped bad teeth::
JONATHAN MARX: Hai visto questo uomo? (Have you seen this man?)
PIRATE: Che l'uomo sembra orribile. Sono le persone che sembrano in TV che in America? (That man looks hideous. They put people who look like that on TV in America?)
JONATHAN MARX: La realtà della televisione è molto conveniente programmazione. Hai visto Eric Thompson? (Reality television is very cheap programming. Have you seen Eric Thompson?)
PIRATE: Sì, è incredibilmente noioso. L'unica buona battaglia ho mai visto in lui è contro di voi. (Yes, he is incredibly boring. The only good fight I have ever seen him in was against you.)
JONATHAN MARX: Sto chiedendo questo sbagliato. Hai visto Eric Thompson ultimamente? (I'm asking this wrong. Have you seen Eric Thompson lately?)
PIRATE: No. (No.)
JONATHAN MARX: Grazie! (Thanks.) Looks like the pirates don't have him. Now what will we do?
BRANDON JACOBS: I have an idea where he could be. Lets go back to the shore and buy some tea bags?
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