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Unleashed '08 Press Conference

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DBrunkGXW

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FADE IN…

A large conference room where there is a traditional press conference set-up. A podium stands front and center, with longer tables stretched out to each side.

On one side of the podium, three chairs lie vacant. On the other side, "Japanese Thunder" Kin Hiroshi, "The Phenom" Shawn Hart, and "The Crippler" Cameron Cruise are seated. Flash bulbs pop as "The Queen of the Ring" Lindsay Troy, standing up with the aid of crutches, allows for the media to calm. Meanwhile Cruise leans over to "The Phenom".

CRUISE: Kinda loud for a Press Conference isn't it??

HART: What'd you expect?? It's a Press Conference. They're supposed to be on our jocks harder than condoms.

CRUISE: I'd just wish someone would tell these assholes to shut up. that's all--

Hart snaps to his feet quickly...

HART: HEY -- SHUT UP, YOU ASSHOLES!!

Cruise taps Hart on the shoulder as he gets him to sit back down.

Lindsay Troy leans into the microphone, shuffling some paperwork around.

TROY: Thanks to everyone for coming: the local press, wrestling industry writers and so on. First thing’s first, for reasons I’m sure I don’t have to go into, Ice Tre is boycotting his match at Unleashed by his choice. Since I’ve been left with little alternative, he is hereby officially stripped of the EPW Television Title and suspended indefinitely.

The crowd buzzes at this announcement. Troy holds her hand up to keep the quiet.

TROY: The vacant title will be up for grabs in the match between Stalker and Fusenshoff, which will still be contested under Stalker Rules. Now, having said that I’d like to, against my better judgement, (Loud sigh) turn the proceedings over to Cameron Cruise.

Leaning into the microphone placed in front of him at the table, Cruise signals for a chance to speak.

CRUISE: Thank you Lindsay....

Hart leans back in his chair and looks Troy up and down

HART: (mutters) ...for being so tremendously robust. How I yearn for the day your femdom fetish emerges.

Cruise quickly jabs Hart in the side, reminding him about the microphone and Hart quickly quiets down.

CRUISE: Anyway, the reason we're here today, Lindsay, is that I've decided that if you're not going to recognize anything that we've done here in Empire Pro, then quite simply...on behalf of Kin and Shawn, we're going to show it to you, whether you like it or not.

But the fact of the matter is that we want competition, NO...we DEMAND better competition.

I've beaten Stalker two times in a row that we've met in the squared circle, but he's the one that gets to have a Television title shot with his own stipulation??

Bull****.

Troy Douglas gets to defend the Intercontinental title against Larry Tact, but the fact of the matter is that I've faced Troy at least half-a-dozen times and half-a-dozen times, I've left the arena with a 'dubya' in the record book.

But Tact gets a title shot??

Bull****, and it's not getting any better for my partners here either....

Cruise looks over at Hart, who's ducking under the table with a finger pressed to his earpiece.

CRUISE: What are you doin'??

HART: Say wha?

Cruise glares at the Phenom, who quickly looks away.

HART: Babe, just get the Astroglide. You KNOW K-Y makes me break out... but hey, I'm doin' this thing here for the pay-per-view, so I'm gonna have to call you back...... Yep...... Alright.............. Holla at'cha boy................ Bye.

Hart returns to a seated position, beaming from ear to ear.

HART: NOW -- Where were we?!

CRUISE: In the middle of a Press Conference. Glad you could join us.

Hart clears his throat and straightens himself up quickly before leaning over to the mic...

HART: RIGHT!! Well I’ll go ahead and echo the fact that S-J-H, the Muffin Muncher, and Mac Daddy Cam have been takin' it in the backside from you jokers since the moment we signed up! And ya know what? We’re sick and tired of it! HELL - We’re sick and tired of being SICK AND TIRED!

Something MUST be done here… and since the powers that be are too busy douching themselves to give us what we want, I guess this Poon Tang Clan’s gonna have to shimmy shimmy ya shimmy ya shimmy YAY, get what we want and uh-TAKE it away!

I dunno who's gonna fill those seats on the other side of the podium, but whoever it is probably isn't worthy of sharing the same ring with us... and you can bet your bottom dollar that they're gonna pay the price for it. Call it an outrage, call it a mockery, I call it the TRUTH!

Hart shakes his head in disgust.

HART: And the TRUTH of the matter is that I'm so completely and utterly flummoxed by the fact that we're not main eventing this l'il shindig that my chi is all out of wack! Just ask my boys here - I've been sweating profusely, combating explosive diarrhea, HELL... I can't even appreciate Queenie's ample bosom. I'm simply too distraught by this heinous travesty...

The Phenom pauses to pout, after which he swings his chair around and sits with his back to the press conference. Troy rolls her eyes. Just then, a loud CRASH!! can be heard off camera! We pivot around to see the door to the conference room blasted off its hinges, and standing there in the entry-way is the mammoth form of a notorious Norseman.

OLVIR: THE GREAT OLVIR accepts your CHALLENGE, puny ones!! HA HA HA HA!!

Reporters are on him instantly like rats on cheese as everybody tries to get a question in. Olvir, however, does not break his gaze from the three stunned men on the other side of the room.

CRUISE & HIROSHI: (Both looking at Hart from either side) He's yours!!

Cruise looks back at the Norseman and sizes him up.

CRUISE: Okay there Fat John Malkovich, you're on, but there's just one catch; these contracts that we have here are for a Six-man tag team match. So unless you've got something other than a huge ****ing ball o' yarn and a tennis ball to play with....you're gonna need two people to team up with to face us. Now seeing as you're all by your lonesome, that means you're **** outta luck.

Olvir scoffs at Cruise

OLVIR: The Great Olvir NEEDS no meager "partners" in his noble deeds! Why, just last night, my GREATNESS took on FOUR ARSES at ONCE in my bed chamber of debauchery!

VOICE: Perhaps I can provide an answer to that...

The room turns around to the source of the voice, and seated there away from the crowd of press reporters is a man who is not a member of the media, but rather a casual observer in this scene. Dressed in slick black and red business attire is the wolfishly smiling NATHAN FEAR, the mastermind of the Crimson Calling. The room observes him quietly as he comes to his feet and makes his way to the podium.

FEAR: You see, it just so happens that my team of elite athletes are currently open for any challenge come Unleashed. I pushed for a title shot... however...

He throws an annoyed glance to Troy.

FEAR: ...my team's less-than-stellar record seems to be a point of debate.

TROY: That's really not my problem, Nathan.

He turns around to face the press once again.

FEAR: It's no secret that the Crimson Calling have been a bit less than their usual form... but I intend to prove to all of you that the fire has not left our cause!

He turns to the three seated behind the podium--pointing out to Cruise.

FEAR: It's my belief that practice makes perfect... and what better way to practice their skills than by going head to head with a former tag champion?

He grins, turning to the Queen of the Ring.

FEAR: Consider those two remaining spots filled by "The Hammer" Ivan Dalkichev and "The Sickle" Erik Black.

Fear begins to walk out, swamped by reporters trying to get more out of him. He ignores the lot of them and heads to the doorway, where Olvir still stands, silently taking this all in. The cunning manager of the Crimson Calling approaches him and extends his hand.

FEAR: What do you say, Mr. Arsvinnar... partners?

The Great Olvir looks MOST displeased as he looks into the open hand of the smaller man before him.

OLVIR: BEARDLESS FOOL!! The Great Olvir has NO NEED to align himself with your treachery!

Nathan rolls his eyes.

FEAR: Whatever... just stay out of the way of my team when the bell rings, and you won't have to worry about ever being a victim of this so-called "treachery" I prefer to call "GENIUS."

Without another word, Fear exits. Olvir grunts after him, but soon forgets about it as a voluptuous columnist for Link: http://wrestlewire.org/WrestleWire.org catches his eye. In a heartbeat, she's over his shoulder as he bounds triumphantly, laughing out of the room.

The room buzzes obviously at his….abduction and the men at the tables with Troy slowly leave the room. Troy hops over to the podium once more (she's injured, whaddaya want?!)

TROY: Now, with that….thankfully…over, I have another announcement to make. As announced earlier in the week, there will be a special guest referee in the EPW World Tag Team Title Match. Without further ado, I’d like to announce the return…

The curtain parts behind her and a man with skull face paint steps out, to a shocked gasp from the crowd.

TROY: ...of Anarky!

OFF CAMERA VOICE: "BULLSH*T!"

Camera spins around to show the First in a black suit jacket, black shirt, hair pulled back in a tight pony tail, his face greasepainted white, with Joe Maddon styled glasses on.

FIRST: "This is Bullsh*t! EPW knows Beast and Miles aren't enough to beat us so they have to have this piece of garbage screw us out of the titles! F*CK THIS!"

The First begins pushing people out of his way as he storms out of the press conference, he then wheels around and faces the camera.

FIRST: "And F*CK everyone in California who voted for Prop 8! You bigots can all get shot for all I care."

First leaves the press conference. Onstage, Anarky simply smirks, gives Troy a quick nod and leaves just as quickly as he came.

TROY: Christ, was is with all of this emo bullsh*t whining today? (Shakes her head.) Whatever. Finally, we come to the contract signing for our main event. These two men have already engaged in a war of words this week. First, I’d like to introduce the former World Champion….”Triple X” Sean Stevens.

Camera flashes pop and Stevens walks out with little regard for either the throng of people in the crowd or the owner who just announced him. Stalker and Nakita Dahaka walk out with him, and they fill the seats at their side of the table. He sits down and leans forward on his elbows, glaring down at the table in front of him with a disgusted smirk.

TROY: And, of course, the current EPW World Champion…..JA.

Again with the flashes, as JA steps out with a little gesture of acknowledgement toward the crowd and toward Troy, and the World Title Belt around his waist.

TROY: First, JA…if you would sign the contract.

JA takes a pen and signs the contract in front of him and hands it over to Troy.

TROY: Anything to say before we go?

JA: Well, I'm glad Captain Emo over here has finally stopped cutting himself and crying over how he's so over the World Championship like it was a girlfriend he had for four weeks back in the sixth grade. Most people would try and duck the hot challenger, especially if they won the title under dubious circumstances, but you know what? I have nothing to hide, and I will duck no challenges as Champion. I don't run and hide behind cronies and human shields like the ones that Trip has here with him today. As you see, the only person I have here is my fiancée, and I plan on having no one with me at Unleashed...

A hush comes over the reporters.

JA: Because I'm challenging old Emo Balls over here to a good, old fashioned cage match. Padlock on the door, roof on the cage. Just him, me and the referee to count three.

If you're man enough Trip, you'll accept it and leave your lackeys in the back.

The camera sees Stevens smiling and turning to say something to Stalker. Then, he gestures to Troy to hand him the contract and signs it quickly.

STEVENS: Whatever you want, champ. Whatever you want.

Stevens smiles again and gets up, unceremoniously taking him and the rest of The Fallen with him out of the room without further word.

FADE TO BLACK
 
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