(“The Wind Below” by Rage Against the Machine hits over the PA and the crowd goes absolutely nuts. Boos rain down from all around as Ken Cloverleaf makes his way out from behind the curtain and down to the ring. In his right hand, he carries a clipboard. On his face, he carries a smile that really says way too much about how he’s feeling at the current moment. He comes to the ring steps and saunters up them as he climbs between the ropes. He is handed a mic and he pulls it to his face.)
KC: Ladies and gentlemen…
KC: As your commissioner, it gives me great pride to welcome you to UCW Revolution!
KC: And while you all sit back and enjoy the action that I have managed to provide you with tonight, I would like to take a little bit of time myself-
KC: Take a bit of time myself… to spread along a little piece of information for you all.
We are just one show removed from our biggest show of the year, and if I do say so myself, it was quite the show at Night of the Legends II!
KC: I mean, I had my own victory celebrations to take from that night…
(Boos followed by chants of “B-G BRUCE! B-G BRUCE!”)
KC: Go ahead and cheer for that penis loving loser all you want. But that’s not why I’m out here.
You see, after a full year of successful management here in the UCW, I, Ken Cloverleaf, have decided to bring even more excitement to the wrestling world.
This event that I am to announce is bigger than any announcement I’ve made here in the UCW.
Because the announcement I am about to give you will effect the ENTIRE industry!
RC: What’s he talking about guys?
DR: I’m not sure. Let’s listen in.
KC: With another successful title defense for our UCW Champion, The First, I am left with some unanswered questions…
Is our talent up to par with the rest of the industry?
What can we do to increase the level of talent here in UCW?
And I, Ken Cloverleaf, have managed to answer both of those questions with one simple answer because, let’s face it; I am the most Perfect, Outstanding Superstar/Commissioner that this industry has ever seen.
And with that, I present to you something that only Ken Cloverleaf can give you…
It brings me great pleasure to announce that UCW will be holding its first inter-promotional battle royal at the next Pay-Per-View!
That’s right, any and everyone from wherever they may be from will be allowed to participate in the biggest event that the UCW has ever hosted. There will be no cap to how many entrants and there certainly will be the pleasure of working for yours truly.
But that’s not all…
The winner of this inter-promotional battle royal will earn a shot our UCW Champion, regardless of who holds the title at the time of the battle royal.
Now, this clipboard in my hand is a list for who will be involved in this match. It already contains the names of every UCW superstar on the roster. And as the calls pour in from agents for all the big stars, this list will continue to fill.
The only question is, “who can match up with the greatest that UCW has to offer?”
That question, my friends, will be answered-
(Cloverleaf is cut off as the PA system goes wild.)
RC: What the hell is this?
(“Phenomenah” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs hits over the PA and the crowd explodes into cheers.)
DR: It’s Shawn Hart!
RB: What the hell is he doing back here?
(Hart has a mic already in hand as he speaks to Cloverleaf from the stage.)
SH: I may be deaf, dumb, and a bit of a derelict, but I could've SWORN I just heard someone say “battle royal”!
KC: That is absolutely right, but let’s get some things straight. You don’t come out here and interrupt Ken-
SH: Now, if my ears weren't playin' tricks on me and somebody DID say “battle royal”, shame on their names for not mentioning FW’s resident “King of the Battle Royal” in the same breath..
DR: Hart has an excellent point. He did just walk away victorious from NEW’s BattleBrawl!
KC: Hart, that’s absolutely fabulous, but first, we need to cover some ground rules…
SH: I couldn’t have agreed with you more, Commish!
KC: Wait a second! You’re now laying the ground rules!
SH: If you want this to be the best damn battle royal in the history of wrestling, you’ll listen to Shawn Jessica Hart’s demands…
(Cloverleaf just continues to stare at Hart.)
SH: That’s what I thought.
Number one – you mustn’t take offense to how bad I will make each and every superstar on your roster look when I toss them all over the top rope like Mrs. Cloverleaf tosses my salad...
KC: What the?!?!
SH: LET’S not forget, I AM “King of the Battle Royal”.
Which brings me to rule number two – you mustn’t cry and wonder about the future of your fed when I cash in on my title shot and walk right out the door with the piece of gold that this pathetic company of yours cherishes most.
KC: Let’s just wait one minute there, Shawn…
You think that guys like Beast and Dan Ryan are going to worry about some self-pronounced “King of the Battle Royal”?
Let me tell you one thing, SJH…
Your inclusion in this battle royal will be HUGE for the UCW.
However, your demise at the hands of my UCW superstars will be no surprise as they send you back to the minors where you came from.
SH: Maybe you mistook me from my previous stint here in UCW.
I am not coming here to help your ratings and to make something out of UCW.
I am coming here to further cement myself as one of the absolute greats on this circuit.
And when people look back in the history books and they see the end of UCW in the year 2007, they’ll be able to say “Wow. That Shawn Hart must’ve been some competitor to take down an entire company the way he did.”
And after I pound your champion into the mat that will be a prophecy that will haunt you for the rest of your life as you wonder why you didn’t listen to SJH in the first place. Call it an outrage, call it a MOCKERY, the guy who's gonna OWN UCW calls it the TRUTH! The Phenom has left the building...
DR: I don’t believe it! A UCW Battle Royal and Shawn Hart is going to be a part of it!
RC: What else is going to go on here tonight as we continue to inch our way closer to our next Pay-Per-View, Against All Odds?!
(“Phenomenah” hits over the PA as everyone sits in astonishment from Hart’s words. He makes his way back behind the curtain as the show goes to commercial.)