(The slow, methodic music that always accompanies a cage lowering in the wrestling business sounds throughout the arena.)
RC: Folks, this next one could get real ugly real quick.
DR: I could not agree more, Rich. Commissioner Cloverleaf has really put forth an assault here against this poor “life partner” of BG Bruce, and he’s really pushing the envelope here tonight.
RB: This is what you want to do when you wish to exterminate a rodent. You put him up against all odds, and eventually, time runs out on the luckiest of rats.
RC: But we’re talking about a human being here, Rob. Estaban cannot help the actions of BG Bruce over the past few months. But still, Commissioner Cloverleaf is making him feel the pain for something that he can’t even control.
RB: It’s a game of cat and mouse that BG Bruce keeps trying to outrun. We haven’t seen the coward on UCW television for weeks, because he refused to fight the matches that Commissioner Cloverleaf set forth for him. If he continues to hide, the Commish needs to get his money out of that contract somehow.
RC: Well, I think it’s absolutely wrong what’s going on here with Estaban, and one can only wonder how much this poor, untrained hair dresser can take.
("All The Young Dudes" by Mott the Hoople hits over the PA and the crowd gives a light pop as Estaban makes his way out from behind the curtain.)
DR: Well, this poor Estaban looks terrified as he makes his way to that steel enclosure.
RB: He’s not so cocky now, is he? He ain’t smiling because his Big Gay Buddy isn’t behind him, ready to beat off whoever comes near him.
RC: Please tell me you didn’t say that.
RB: What? Big Gay Buddy?
RB: Then what, Cruise?... Oh…
RC: Fans, I can assure you, beatings aside, we’re in for some gruesome stuff here in just a few moments. This poor guy isn’t even a wrestler.
("Hypocritical" By Methods of Mayhem hits over the PA. The fans give a mixed reaction, as they would normally cheer Doe, but tonight, he is playing Devil’s Advocate.
The big screen flashes between a blurred face and film of a wrestler. Blue pyro fires off at the entrance ramp as the words John Doe flash and shake on the big screen. From behind the curtain, a wrestler walks out on the ramp and John Doe makes his way to the ring.)
DR: Well, I’m not sure about John Doe’s stance on this match itself. We heard his comments, and he doesn’t seem to appreciate Estaban’s personal preferences, but surely this guy has some compassion about him.
RC: I cannot echo those words any better, Doc. I just hope that he realizes he’s in there with another human and that this doesn’t have to be a blood bath.
RB: Would you two sissies stop your whining? This is a wrestling match, and I want to see somehow come out there, wondering why he signed up for this profession in the first place.
DR: That’s the thing; Estaban didn’t sign up for this profession. He’s a stylist!
RB: Then why’s he in the ring?
DR: Because Commissioner Cloverleaf is making him!
RB: He should find better friends then.
RC: Guys, the ref is calling for this match to commence. Let’s hope this doesn’t get too bad.
(DING DING DING)
RC: And Estaban makes a beeline for the side of the cage! He’s trying to get out of here right away!
DR: Smart move, but John Doe isn’t that slow. He rips Estaban down and to the mat.
RC: Doe pulls Estaban up and whips him into the opposite ropes. Doe charges at his opponent…
DR: Big running clothesline there! He almost took Estaban’s head off with that one!
RC: Doe not slowing up though. He pulls Estaban back up to his feet again. There’s a front facelock…
DR: Snap suplex! Doe floats over for the pin…
TB: Ladies and gentlemen…here is your winner…
V/O: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! John Doe, I didn’t sign you up for this match so you could get an easy win…
(The camera cuts to the stage, where Commissioner Cloverleaf has made his way out with a microphone already in hand.)
KC: Doe, I put you in this match to cause chaos and destruction. I put you inside of that steel cage to make an example out of that little pole smoker in the ring. I didn’t want you to go in and hit two moves and walk out the victor.
That’s not the message I want to send. I want to send a message to the Midnight Rider, to BG Bruce, to whoever has been swapping spit with that sinner in there that they have been messing with God’s plan.
And God’s plan is to make UCW the most formidable wrestling organization around. I haven’t pulled myself from competition to have my executive plans ruined.
RC: Is Cloverleaf calling himself God?
DR: It wouldn’t surprise me.
(Cloverleaf begins to make his way down the ramp as he continues to speak.)
KC: So this is what I want you to, Doe. I want you to pull yourself back to your feet and do the same with that homo until he begs and pleads for the referee to stop the match.
Only thing is…
I hear the referee could be a bit hard of hearing!
(Cloverleaf unbuttons his sport coat and pulls it off to reveal a referee shirt, complete with the official UCW logo on the sleeve and all.)
RC: You’ve got to be kidding me!
DR: This is a joke, right?
RB: Commissioner Cloverleaf is not a joker. You heard him. This match is all about setting an example. And he wants to be sure that example is set here tonight.
(Cloverleaf orders the referee at the door to unlock it and let him in. He enters the ring and then kicks referee Tim Hathcock out of the ring and back to the locker room. Cloverleaf then calls for the bell again.)
(DING DING DING)
RC: I don’t believe this. Folks, we’ve got another look at this match here.
RB: But this time, it’s going to send a message, Cruise.
RC: Well, I’m not sure what the message is going to be, but I’m sure it won’t be pretty as Doe pulls Estaban back up and rams his head into the side of the cage.
DR: And look at Cloverleaf smiling! He’s got cops outside the arena, waiting for the Midnight Rider to show up, just so they can kick him back out! Estaban is in there with two monsters and no help at all!
RC: And now Doe is grating Estaban’s face up against that steel like he’s a piece of cheese! Estaban is bleeding all over the place here!
RB: That’s not going to help him with the fellas.
RB: It’s not.
RC: Doe pulls Estaban back into the ring and whips him across the ring…
DR: Bulldog by Doe! He just sent Estaban’s already bloody face into the ring canvas! There’s a pin…
RC: Oh come on! Cloverleaf isn’t even attempting a count! Doe can’t believe it! And now he’s in Cloverleaf’s face.
RB: Not a good idea to cross the boss.
DR: Doe doesn’t know what to do. Is he going to be able to win this match?
RC: Well, looks like he’s going to try the other way. He hits the side and begins to ascend…
DR: Oh my! Ken Cloverleaf just grabbed hold of John Doe and slammed him back to the mat! Doe’s head hit right off the canvas!
(Cloverleaf leans into Doe’s face and the camera picks up the sound.)
KC: Finish this bastard off, or find a new contract somewhere else!
RC: What the hell is he doing? Estaban is already laying spread eagle in the middle of the ring! What more can Doe do here?
DR: Well, Cloverleaf has pulled Doe back up to his feet and dusted him off here. Doe doesn’t look happy at all, as he stares down Cloverleaf.
RB: But he’s a smart man and continues to do his job.
RC: Indeed he does, as he pulls Estaban back up here. He pulls him into a standing headscissors…
DR: And he powerbombs him to hell! Estaban just folded like an accordion!
RC: Doe looks over to the commissioner…
DR: And he’s shaking his head no! That’s plenty enough! There’s nothing left in Estaban!
RB: Apparently the boss doesn’t agree, gentlemen. Respect your superior’s opinion.
RC: I will not! This is ridiculous!
DR: And I must agree! This match was over before it began, but Ken Cloverleaf is demanding it go on!
RC: Well, Doe picks Estaban back up again and nails him with a stiff right before backing him into the ropes. There’s an Irish whip…
DR: Amnesia Attack! Doe just nailed Estaban with that running STO! That has to be the match there! There’s the pin…
RC: What the hell? Cloverleaf isn’t going to count the three!
KC: Make him squeal.
DR: What? Did he just tell Doe to “make him squeal”?
RC: He did, Doc. What the hell does he mean by that?
RB: It’s an example, Cruise. Estaban is going to show Bruce and the Rider what happens when you cross the boss.
RC: Oh no!
DR: The Muzzle! Doe has locked Estaban in that crossface/body scissors combo! Estaban is screaming for his life here!
RC: And look at Cloverleaf! He’s leaning in like he can’t hear the screams! This man is sick!
DR: And look at the smirk on his face! Call for the bell, damnit!
RB: How’s the ref supposed to call for the bell when he can’t hear the man submitting?
RC: How can he not hear it?
RB: Rumor has it he’s hard of hearing. Weren’t you paying attention earlier?
RC: That’s crap! He can hear perfectly well!
(DING DING DING)
TB: Ladies and gentlemen… here is your winner… John Doe!
RC: I don’t believe what I’ve just witnessed! That was absolutely sick! How can we work for a man like that?
RB: Because he signs your paycheck, Cruise. The power of money will make anyone do anything. Ask John Doe.
RC: I can’t help but think about how sick that was! Estaban is bloodied and battered in that ring, and our commissioner is smiling about it!
RB: Well guys, the example has been made. That’s all you can really say about it.
DR: Oh great. The commissioner has a mic again.
(Cloverleaf stands over the fallen Estaban as John Doe stands in the corner.)
KC: You see what happens, Estaban?
DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH KEN CLOVERLEAF?
RC: You get the numbers stacked against you until you can’t even move to help yourself?
KC: You know things were really unfortunate for you this week, Estaban. I wish things would have looked up a little bit more.
I mean, it’s just a real shame that none of your boyfriends could be here to see this. Just before the match though, I got the update that New York State’s finest turned away some limp-wrist guy on a motorcycle. They said he was all dressed in white too.
He must’ve been getting ready to be somebody’s bride.
KC: But because he couldn’t be here to see this match, I’m going to make sure he gets to see you next week. I’m extending two front row tickets to BG Bruce and the Midnight Rider to come to the Fleet Center for Scars and Stripes…
Because at Scars and Stripes, their boyfriend will be taking on yours truly in a match. And several of the stars in the UCW locker room will be ringside to be sure that no one but the two combatants comes in or out of the match.
(Suddenly, the heat turns to a HUGE pop.)
RC: What the hell?
DR: It’s the Midnight Rider! He just came out from under the ring! Commissioner Cloverleaf doesn’t see him!
RC: And he blindsides the commissioner! Doe comes out of the corner…
DR: And a headbutt by MR! The Rider charges after Cloverleaf, but the commissioner ducks out of the way!
RC: The Rider is leaning over the ropes, giving Cloverleaf a piece of his mind! He is not happy with what happened, and he sure as hell wasn’t happy with the decision to ban him from ringside!
RB: Which is exactly why he shouldn’t be out there! Where are New York State’s finest now?
RC: Look out! John Doe just came out of nowhere and caught Bruce…err, the Rider with a chop block to the knee! The big man buckled over right there!
DR: And now Doe is putting the boots to the Rider!
RC: But look at the Rider! He’s fighting right back to his feet! Almost as if Doe’s kicks are doing nothing! This man is possessed here tonight!
DR: Chokeslam! The Midnight Rider just chokeslammed John Doe right to the mat! And now he turns to Cloverleaf, who’s backing up the ramp.
KC: WHOA! Hold it right there, big man…
You come one step closer and I’ll have those same state troopers that were SUPPOSED to keep you out of here be sure you don’t make it to any UCW events for a long time.
Since it would appear that you’re so eager to have action here in UCW, I’m going to delay my match with Estaban. I figure, what the hell? I’m a nice guy.
I can see when someone wants something. And what you want is to simply step between those ropes and apparently get your hands on me.
KC: So I’m going to give in a little bit.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Midnight Rider will be having his first in-ring match at Scars and Stripes!
KC: It will be the Midnight Rider going one-on-one with…
RC: What?!?! That’s a chickensh-
RB: Whoa Cruise!
RC: Well, Cloverleaf made all that talk about him and the Rider and then he backs out like that! I don’t believe this! Folks, we’ve got to take a commercial break. Don’t go anywhere!