How does it feel to be a curtain jerker after losing a title? Ask the Bailbond guy.
(Scene opens up in a studio where there the trademark inflatable couches of Sunday Nero Live are present. Some of the studio people are moving here and there, trying to set the camera equipment and testing the microphones. We see a person wearing a cap backwards and reading a file that says “Script” on the cover. Just then, Nero comes in through the studio door and nearly trips over some wire that the studiohand was working on.)
Nero: HEY, MORON! Do you have ANY idea how much this was gonna cost you in pay cuts?
Studiohand Joey: Sorry sir…my mistake, it wont happen again…
Nero: It better not happen again, or you’ll be in the river wearing a cement jacket!
(Nero approaches the man with the script.)
Director: Give the guy a break Nero, he’s new here.
Nero: Well he sure isn’t doing his job right.
Director: You’re right, anyone could have tripped over those wires.
Nero: Who cares about anyone else?! I wouldn’t mind if it was anybody else, or even if he tripped over them; come to think of it, that would have been funny…but if ME, The Great and Almighty Nero were to trip, there would be hell to pay.
Director: Right, so you weren’t going to throw him in the river or anything, would you?
Nero: Of course not. I’ll just dunk his head in a fish tank.
Director: Right. So can we begin with the rehearsal then?
Nero: Yeah I’ve been meaning to ask you this, but do we really have to interview this guy. I mean sure I’ll beat him at Ultra Brawl and take his title blah blah blah! But why does he have to be on Mainframe on MY SHOW! Cant I have somebody in the upper card for a change.
Director: Well according to Briggs’ office memo, there are plans for R.J. Harris to be on SNL after Ultra Brawl but it isn’t confirmed yet. However he wants us to rehearse for it anyways.
Nero: Ooooh that Briggs! That guy has been messing my thunder for ages already! Oh well, lets get this over with soon. I’ve got more pressing matters to attend to later.
Director: Don’t you want to take a look at the script?
Nero: Oh yeah “sure I want to.” Whack.
(Nero goes on and sits at his couch.)
Director: Sunday Nero LIVE rehearsal, we are rolling, TAKE ONE!!!
Nero: Ladies and gentlemen and wrestling fans all over, welcome to Sunday Nero LIVE! The best thing to watch on TV other than the guys that won the Emmys. Of course since SNL only came at the end of the year, you didn’t see that at the Emmys, but hey, nobody saw the Highlight Reel or the Cabana gets nominated, let alone win anything. My only highlight of the night was Jay Leno losing to Hugh Jackman! That’s Wolverine beating THE CHIN!!!
So hey guess what! I’m the NEW WWC Continental Champion!!! Thank you, thank you I know you all love me! It feels great to be champ again, I mean, how long do you think I’m gonna stay naked without having my most important accessory on me. And so tonight, urghh, for NO OTHER REASON other that some loon in the EUWC Board of Directors wanting to get this done, I have to interview the former WWC Continental Champion. In other words the guy I beat with no problems at all, ladies and gentlemen, R.J. Harris.
(A studiohand brings in a sitting mannequin and places it on the couch. The mannequin has a sign saying R.J. Harris, although it looks nothing like him.)
Nero: (to Director) You gotta be kidding me!
Director: That’s the best we could get on short notice.
Nero: FINE! Moving on. So, err…err...(looking at the sign) R.J. Harris. Right, R.J. First off, what does that stand for? Really Jerked, Real-life Jack@$$, something like that.
(The mannequin is silent.)
Nero: I mean I actually had no idea who you were and since I was too busy to watch any of your matches, all I could catch were your promos about me and back there, you had a pretty good idea of what Nero meant, even though this is the 21st century. I remember one time somebody thought I was Nemo, who were they again, oh yeah The Parkers Brothers. Never heard of em?? Oh well, nobody else did either, so can’t blame ya.
(The mannequin is still silent.)
Nero: So R.J., you obviously are now at the bottom of the food chain after losing to The Great and Almighty Nero. I mean, if you lost your pretty little belt to anyone else like I dunno, Paul Doom, or Buck Naked, or some of the other losers at WWC, hey, you could have probably won it, if not, you could get your rematch in like weeks. But to Nero, ohoho, you got another thing coming kid. You don’t lose to the bigtime and expect a rematch anytime till like, I dunno, when you start curtain jerking or actually move up to midcards or something. But you don’t expect to have another match with The Great and Almighty Nero for ages dude!
(The mannequin is still silent.)
Nero: So since I have no idea how a curtain jerker feels like, and since I have nothing else to do on the show with you in it, how does it feel? Is it like whe you’re in the supermarket and the kids go “Hey it’s the Bailbond guy who lost to The Great and Almighty Nero!” Or when you go sell your bail bonds, the people go, “Hey you lost to Nero! You couldn’t bail yourself out of the match, so what chance do we have with your bonds man!” WOW! I wouldn’t wanna be unemployed in this economy, hehehe.
(The mannequin is still silent.)
Nero: So anyways, since losing the title, does the WWC have any other titles you can win? When you do, just let the EUWC know and I’ll take them off your hands and that should flush your career down the toilet for good, don’t you think?
(The mannequin is still silent.)
Nero: Dude! You gotta say something! Oh yeah, you can’t think. Right.
(The mannequin is still silent.)
Nero: Okay you’re starting to freak me out now. It’s like you’re a doll or a mannequin or something.
(The mannequin is still silent.)
Nero: Uhh, hey yo! This guy’s freakin me out. Doesn’t he talk or anything???
Director: It’s a mannequin Nero.
Nero: Is it??? WOW, I thought it was him. I couldn’t see the difference between this sorry loser and that sorry loser.
(Just then half of the light in the studio go out as there’s a flash and a BZZZT sound.)
Studiohand Joey: MY BAD! Must have short-circuited the box.
Nero: (sighs) Okay, somebody get me a fish tank with pirhanas in it.
(CUT.)