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Two Strikes


Jan 1, 1970
'COCKY' CRAIG MILES strolling along the Gaslamp District of San Diego, California...Yellow Oakleys, Hawaiian printed shirt, cargo pants...

MILES: "Y'know, I've seen some sorry, pitiful excuses of human life. From the old, decrepid Tom Adler to the convulsing, twitched-out Troy Windham. But just this week, I will have to say that Simon Eatscox and Chris Lickshardies have taken the pole position (MILES smirks) of that list..."

MILES walks up to a random passerby...

MILES (mock British Tone): "Hey man, I think we've pulled!"
MAN (obviously confused): "What the (BLEEP), get away from me..."
MILES: "But we've pulled!"
MAN: "What are you talking about?"
MILES: "You've never pulled?"
MAN: "Pulled what?"
MILES: "In Simply Stunning we pull, lad. We pull trouser snakes!"

The man pushes past MILES and hurries down the street...

MILES: "I mean WHAT the (BLEEP!) was that all about, girls? You ask the CSWA to hire you two rat-infested, gizzbreathed skanks nicknamed 'The Swiss Cheese Twins' 'cause they have so many holes, even you could find 'em? Listen, I understand that you two may feel uncomfortable with all the humor that the 'Cocky' one and 'Hot Property' rain down on the Rainbow Parade, but certainly that doesn't mean you have to go out on the town and try and 'pull' something off you don't know anything about. In fact, you can use that as a parallel to this match comin' this week. You two are downright certain that on a level playing field, THE PROFESSIONALS are MILES above you. The past two times you've been PROFESSIONALLY challenged, nothing was SIMPLE or STUNNING about you. We wiped the floor with your aerosol soaked heads, only to be robbed NOT ONCE, but TWICE of giving the redneck viewers of U-62 what they so rightfully deserve - PROFESSIONAL CHAMPIONS. So here we are walkin' into what is the THIRD STRIKE and what have I seen from Simply Sucks? Nothin', but one promo stating they've got a 'BIG PLAN', a match signed at Showtime against a redneck and necrophiliac and finally, a to be continued piece of tripe tryin' to convince anyone that's naive that Simply Stunning aren't the flaming cornholers we've all come to know and love. Something stinks in Greensboro, folks - and it isn't coming from Eddy Love's trailer this time..."

MILES stops in front of a random bar, pulls out a Newport and lights it. He takes a big inhale before breathing the smoke out of his nose...

MILES: "Can't smoke IN the bars out here, what a pain in the (BLEEP!). But that ain't gonna be half the pain that this WHOLE league will feel if I find myself with a screwdriver up my (BLEEP!) after PRIMETIME. The writing is on the wall, folks. I'm sorry to say it, but it's true. Now, I ain't gonna go Doc Silver on this place, not my style. See, when you're a PROFESSIONAL you play it cool. They want the THIRD STRIKE? Then that's their problem to deal with. See the problem with old, iconoclastic promoters such as Chad Merritt is that they're still tryin' to find the magic they had 10 years ago. Look at Simply Stunning - you throw them back 10 years in time, you wouldn't be able to tell them from The CS Express or The Midnight Rockers. All frills, sell the spills, fray the hair - all that (BLEEP). Its a new day and age, one marked by PROFESSIONALISM. Me and Hot Property - we're the gladiators leading the front-line charge. We have heard the world speak its mind and we shall give them what they want. But Simply Stunning and CSWA Corporate won't view it that way. Oh no - they're tryin' to hold down the rigid rules they set a long time ago. Only problem is that the only rules we play by, are OUR OWN. If Simply Stunning aren't men enough to show up in that roofed cage and settle this mano y mano, eye for an eye - than this league may very well have to get ready for a takeover worse than HELL ON EARTH. The Devil ain't nothin' but a mark for 'HOT PROPERTY' and not even Hell's Army could give you an idea of the second-line charge. Not only that, but I know that Merritt gets the evil twinkle in his eyes every time he sees me on his television walkin' like some unpaid advertisement for the greater things up north of the Mason-Dixon. And if you boys are plannin' to screw us a third time, if your only concerns are having two pink wearin' pansies ESCAPING with the gold title belts that should already be engraved with PEE-ARE-OH - then there's gonna be alot of answerin' needed to be done. Either way, me and 'HOT PROPERTY' knows what's up, we know what needs to happen now. There's a shakedown and takedown comin' boys. And Stunnin' you've got TWO STRIKES on 'ya already. You bring out the screwdriver a third time, well then you can expect shortly to be PROFESSIONALLY M-I-A."

MILES takes a last drag and flicks his Newport to the ground and walks into the bar...

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