I love the smell of bloody bodies in the evening
This is your commander speaking, General Mayhem. Now listen up maggots, and listen good!
I have joined MBE to whip you all into shape. Not just physically, but mentally as well. Now, most of you may have what it takes when it comes to your bodies, and I intend to find that out in due course, but if I find that any of you are using steroids, I will be forced to inflict severe punishment.
But the area I am most concerned with is your intelligence, your desire to win, your ability to give ONE HUNDRED PERCENT sheer blood and guts! It is that which will turn you into men your mothers can be proud of!
Now the first grunt that I am charged with whipping into shape is, appropriately enough, an ex-American Army man, one that appears to have been unable to cut the mustard.
Petey Esdee, you may claim to have PTSD, and those god damned quacks on Civvy Street might fall for your sorry sob story, but we military men know full well that there's no such thing and that it is a convenient excuse to cover up your desire to leave and throw the greatest opportunity you have ever been given straight back in our faces!
So what was your real reason for quitting?
Was it that you were a weak kneed liberal and did not agree with Iraq? I tell you this boy, your forefathers sacrificed everything they ever had. Their money, their children, their wives, their friends and of course their lives, simply because they knew that they had to defend freedom against evil bastards like the Nazis or Communists, and how do you repay them? You spit on their graves!
Was it the fact that you kept firing on your allies? I can understand this to an extent. If there's one army that needs to teach their incompetent soldiers to fire at the enemy and not their comrades, it is the American. But you DO NOT solve your problems by walking away from them! No, you stare those problems right in the face until you see the whites of their eyes and you say "I AM A MAN AND I WILL OVERCOME YOU NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES!"
Or was it that you just did not have the proper motivation? Well you finally came to the right man! I, General Mayhem, specialise in teaching discipline. So what if it means that you have to do some nasty things like beat up children who are throwing stones? They needed proper respect for their elders and since their parents were not up to the job I did it for them. They hate me now, but one day they will thank me for preventing their children from becoming suicide bombers!
And so too, will you, one day. You will thank me for putting your life back on track and giving you the opportunity to make something of yourself.
But for now, it's time for you to check into boot camp!