(Johnny Onan stands in front of an MBE banner completely absorbed in gazing at his own arm muscles as he flexes them.)
OFF STAGE CAMERAMAN: Um...excuse me, Johnny.
(Johnny Onan replies without even looking up.)
ONAN: What up?
CAMERAMAN: We're live.
ONAN: And how!
CAMERAMAN: No. I mean the cameras on. We're rolling.
ONAN: I am always rolling.
CAMERAMAN: Tape. We're rolling tape. The feed is going out live to millions around the world.
(Johnny Onan kisses his arms)
ONAN: Lucky millions.
CAMERAMAN: Actually, we were kind of hoping to get a comment or two from you for the new network about your mtch this week against the YORobot.
(Johnny Onan looks up suddenly.)
ONAN: Did you say robot?
ONAN: You mean honest to goodness nuts and bolts and metal and stuff.
ONAN: Thank god. Finally no need to worry about peon perspiration intermingling with my Onan Sweat.
CAMERAMAN: Actually, it's a sex robot.
ONAN: Sax robot? You mean...?
CAMERAMAN: ...Exactly what it sounds like.
ONAN: Ick. I hope they at least wash that darn thing between uses.
CAMERAMAN: But aren't you even a little bit worried?
ONAN: About what?
CAMERAMAN: Try to...you know.
ONAN: Come now. Everyone wants to get a piece of Johnny Onan. Why should the metalic be any different that the flesh and blood?
CAMERAMAN: I don't.
ONAN: Don't what?
CAMERAMAN: Don't want a piece of Johnny Onan.
(Johnny Onan pauses for a second and then bursts out laughing.)
ONAN: You know, for a 9-5 timecarder, you're a pretty funny guy.
CAMERAMAN: No really, I don't.
ONAN: Then how do you explain that bulge in you coveralls from the last five minutes of gaving at my spledid form?
ONAN: You what?
CAMERAMAN: I am a happily married man.
ONAN: I am sure you are. And it's not your fault that I ooze more sex wiping one bead of sweat from my brow that your blushing bride did one your entire honey moon. It doesn't make you queer it just makes you human.
CAMERA: I hope that robot snaps you in half.
ONAN: No, you don't. You'd hate to see anything to happen to the most beatiful thing that you have ever laid eyes on. You and I both know it. And lucky for your little peepers, neither of us have anything to worry about. Because you see these arms...? (Johnny Onan flexes)
Look at these arms... (He flexes even harder)
These arms can crush steel.
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