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TIN HAT~! Johnny Onan v. ROBOYORI

Yori Yakamo jr

League Member
Joined
Jun 4, 2005
Messages
161
Points
0
Age
39
Location
Nutmeg State
Who's the sexiest of them all

INT. YORI'S SUPER SEXY OFFICE- DAY

(Yori sits in consultation with Smitty and the Thai Hooker design team. ROBOYORI sits on his handtruck in the back of the room, shooting sparks)

YORI: Okay, so today we learned ROBOYORI is not compatible with the IPhone.

SMITTY: I just don't think it is possible for you to get free long distance through the sexbot.

YORI: I'm not giving up the dream Smitty.

SMITTY: Maybe you should just get an IPhone.

YORI: Those things are expensive. And the sexbot can already tell me the location of the best fish markets.

SMITTY: I'm not sure if that was meant to be one of your perverted entendres or not.

YORI: I am an international man of mysteriousness. Anyway, just make sure the Sexbot is ready for his match.

ROBOYORI: ROBOYORI SMASH STEVE JOBS! ROBOYORI NOT LIKE FLASH-BASED TOUCHSCREENS!

SMITTY: I thought we weren't going to have the sexbot wrestle anymore...after you know...the goat incident.

YORI: He was just confused...he thought the goat needed milking.

SMITTY: It was a male goat.

YORI: Don't male goats give milk?

SMITTY: No.

YORI: Hmmm, well, have the design team give another run at his gender recognition protocol. We don't want another incident like we had on the Donnie Deutsh show.

SMITTY: I don't see why you are so insistent on having him wrestle Johnny Onan. He has done nothing to you. I'm fairly sure you don't even know who he is.

YORI: I refuse to have anyone in this company who is sexier than me. I AM THE SEXIEST OF ALL. After ROBOYORI smashes his face in, we'll be good to go.

SMITTY: Okay then.

YORI: My arms are bigger too, what with the 24 inch pyth...

SMITTY: Uh Yori.

YORI: Nothing.

SMITTY: You okay.

YORI: Yeah I got confused for a second there, it's nothing.

SMITTY: Okay

ROBOYORI: ROBOYORI HAVE BIG ARMS. ROBOYORI HAVE BIG PENIS. ROBOYORI SMASH STEVE JOBS WITH PENIS.

YORI: Looks like he needs some more tinkering.
 

MrWest

League Member
Joined
Oct 31, 2005
Messages
284
Points
0
Age
54
Location
Philadelphia
(Johnny Onan stands in front of an MBE banner completely absorbed in gazing at his own arm muscles as he flexes them.)

OFF STAGE CAMERAMAN: Um...excuse me, Johnny.

(Johnny Onan replies without even looking up.)

ONAN: What up?

CAMERAMAN: We're live.

ONAN: And how!

CAMERAMAN: No. I mean the cameras on. We're rolling.

ONAN: I am always rolling.

CAMERAMAN: Tape. We're rolling tape. The feed is going out live to millions around the world.

(Johnny Onan kisses his arms)

ONAN: Lucky millions.

CAMERAMAN: Actually, we were kind of hoping to get a comment or two from you for the new network about your mtch this week against the YORobot.

(Johnny Onan looks up suddenly.)

ONAN: Did you say robot?

CAMERAMAN: Yep.

ONAN: You mean honest to goodness nuts and bolts and metal and stuff.

CAMERAMAN: Exactly.

ONAN: Thank god. Finally no need to worry about peon perspiration intermingling with my Onan Sweat.

CAMERAMAN: Actually, it's a sex robot.

ONAN: Sax robot? You mean...?

CAMERAMAN: ...Exactly what it sounds like.

ONAN: Ick. I hope they at least wash that darn thing between uses.

CAMERAMAN: But aren't you even a little bit worried?

ONAN: About what?

CAMERAMAN: Try to...you know.

ONAN: Come now. Everyone wants to get a piece of Johnny Onan. Why should the metalic be any different that the flesh and blood?

CAMERAMAN: I don't.

ONAN: Don't what?

CAMERAMAN: Don't want a piece of Johnny Onan.

(Johnny Onan pauses for a second and then bursts out laughing.)

ONAN: You know, for a 9-5 timecarder, you're a pretty funny guy.

CAMERAMAN: No really, I don't.

ONAN: Then how do you explain that bulge in you coveralls from the last five minutes of gaving at my spledid form?

CAMERAMAN: Well...I...

ONAN: You what?

CAMERAMAN: I am a happily married man.

ONAN: I am sure you are. And it's not your fault that I ooze more sex wiping one bead of sweat from my brow that your blushing bride did one your entire honey moon. It doesn't make you queer it just makes you human.

CAMERA: I hope that robot snaps you in half.

ONAN: No, you don't. You'd hate to see anything to happen to the most beatiful thing that you have ever laid eyes on. You and I both know it. And lucky for your little peepers, neither of us have anything to worry about. Because you see these arms...?
(Johnny Onan flexes)
Look at these arms...
(He flexes even harder)
These arms can crush steel.

(Slow and lingering Fade to Black)
 

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