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The Wrestling Chronicle's WNW Report- 12/13/06

Yori Yakamo jr

League Member
Jun 4, 2005
Nutmeg State
The Wrestling Chronicle’s WNW report for 12/13/06
Live from the Omni in Atlanta, GA
Matt Burke, reporting

We are live from HOTlanta. I can only imagine it is far nicer there than it is in my living room. Even with my new surround sound system. Yes, every single zinger and bodyslam are now in dolby digital for yours truly. Next on the list is High Def, though I don’t know if I want to see Yori’s package that clearly.

Big rumor on another major face returning after the PPV. Negotiations not going that smoothly, but considering who it is, that is hardly a shock.

Credits. Lights. Crowd Shots. And. We. Are. Off!


Doc Silver’s music plays, and the champ walks out onto the rampway, mic already in hand. Man, and I haven’t even packed away a preemptive Advil or two yet. He is insulted that he was third from the top last week. He’s the heavyweight champion. He should be in the main event every damn week! Apparently no one told Doc Silver that the top of the hour is a coveted slot for TV ratings and gaining new viewers, but this is the same man who thinks the paperweight he carries around in a box is the severed head of a sex robot. Doc says he is going to beat the crap out of his newest tomato can and then he is leaving the building and driving to the airport, as MBE has wasted enough of his time this week already. You sure you don’t want to stop at a strip club or two. The one’s in Atlanta are pretty good… or so I have heard.

Cool Frank Cutta is out now and he is barreling full-on to ringside as Doc continues to blather. Doc turns around just in time to catch CFC’s springboard dive. CFC pounds away, looking to make the most of this opportunity. Doc crawls to the ropes and begins to stumble around as CFC takes him apart with kicks. Irish whip into the corner and CFC hits a leg lariat in the corner, as the crowd starts to get into it, now, chanting for the springboard guillotine drop to the back of the neck and CFC covers. Doc is out at two. Irish whip, and Doc ducks a lariat and CFC turns around into the dreaded eye poke! That dastardly Doc! Belly to back suplex and Doc takes control back. Oops, CFC escapes a body slam and responds with an eye poke of his own. Doc is ordering the ref to DQ CFC. No dice, though and Doc gets an inverted atomic drop and a standing dropkick for his trouble. CFC is finally getting to strut his stuff this week, and he looks pretty damn solid.

CFC heads up into the high risk district. No! Doc sidesteps a missile dropkick. Doc immediately drops a flurry of elbows, grounding the Cutta. Irish whip and Doc breaks out the dreaded airplane spin. Samoan drop follows and Doc gets two. And we hit the chinlock, with Doc occasionally checking his invisible watch. Classy, that Doc. CFC powers up and elbows free CFC tries to hit the ropes but Doc pulls him back to the mat by his hair. Doc declares loudly that it’s “Time to take it home.” He goes for his superkick, but CFC catches his foot and spins him around right into a spinning heel kick. Asai Moonsault! No! The crowd was caught off guard by that near fall.

CFC looks for the Pain Killer. No! Doc backdrops out of it by the skin of his teeth. Superkick. CFC is down! Doc is down! Doc is up. Ace’s Fu….CFC counters with a neckbreaker. Doc is flustered. CFC heads up top again. Top rope elbow….misses! Wow, he got huge height on that for a big man. Doc is up Ace’s Full! No! That only gets two. The River! CFC! Escapes. Doc goes downstairs! The ref missed it. Oklahoma Roll, Doc’s got the tights and the ropes! Doc wins! Doc wins!

WINNER: Doc Silver (9:36- Oklahoma Roll w/tights and ropes)

Doc is keeping his promise. He has his belt and he is heading out of the arena…quickly.

CFC slowly regains sensation in his groin, and he is not happy. He’s heading after Doc, and we are heading to commercial.



We’re back from commercial and out in the parking lot. Doc is beating a hasty retreat with luggage, belt, and Greenie is tow. They throw a bunch of stuff in the car and speed off into the night. Ah, CFC is right behind them, albeit still limping. He promises to wreak some vengeance on Doc next week.

CFC looked really good and fiery this week. Doc was Doc. He’s entertaining if nothing else. Whoever finally gets this belt on him is gonna be a star.

Till introduces a sitdown interview he did with Jogi Fresh earlier this week at his home in Atlanta. Till asks Jogi about the PbPro attack last week. Jogi said that when he heard MBE was going to be running his hometown, he couldn’t be more excited. He got every ticket he could for his friends and family, then he bought 100 more. He had planned to walk in as world champion and give his hometown fans a real show. But sometimes things don’t work out the way you want. He was still gonna walk into the A-T-L and give his boys a show. But then PbPro decided they wanted to make and example out of him. But they made one key mistake. If you want to make an example out of someone, you do it in the ring, man to man. You don’t jump them from behind like a coward. He’ll be back soon, and by the next time they come to Atlanta, he will be world champion, and Promo and his crew will be erased from MBE. And that’s a promise.

Strong spot from Jogi. Can’t wait until he gets back from this injury layoff.

Backstage we go as Yori ‘prepares’ for his upcoming match. They have him dressed up in a giant foam rubber suit and have sicked a whole bunch of attack dogs on him. Yamada comes upon the scene and says that is an interesting way to train. Smitty and Justin are confused and say that Yori bet them a 10% stake in the company that he could survive the dog attack for a half hour. Yamada calls off the dogs (heh) and berates them for wearing Yori out before his big match. It’s their jobs on the line and his reputation. Yori says not to worry…he has a master plan. Always a good sign. Yamada asks if it involves the sexbot. After a really long pause, Yori says no. Yamada wants to know why he burst through Yamada’s office wall playing “Eye of the Tiger” and saying “ROBOYORI READY. ROBOYORI GO THE DISTANCE,” and then downing three raw eggs. Yori postulates it’s because he can’t burst through Yori’s wall anymore. Touche.

The Lot is walking! Tag Team Turmoil coming up after the break.



Hail and welcome to the fair Sheffield Wednesday hooligans. Obviously Atlanta is not much of a soccer town, as they get booed, and their isn’t any of the hooligans’ hooligans in sight. Mason and Fusenshoff enter the scene. Mason looked good last week, let’s see how he and his old tag team partner do.

Quick start for FuseMase, clearing the Lot out of the ring, but soon enough the bag of dirt, a soccer cleat, and an eye poke come into play and Mason gets isolated. Nate and Mac pull out some nice double teams, but can’t put Mason away, and eventually miscommunication rears its ugly head and The Lot collide into each other. Fusenshoff comes in a house afire, but Mac breaks up a pin attempt after Nate is felled by a neckbreaker. Ace comes to his partner’s rescue and cuts off a Bangers and Mash attempt and Hoff finishes off Nate with the Domination.

WINNER: Ace Mason/Fusenshoff (6:32- Fuse->Nate: The Domination)

Backstage and Duchess and Andy are preparing for their tag match. Andy wants assurances that he can trust Duchess. Duch convinces Andy that she is the last thing he should be worried about, but she doesn’t like being thrown into the tag ranks again, she is supposed to be the number one contender. Andy says Duchess should focus on the match tonight, then she can have even more gold. Duch says she may be fond of gold, but Andy needs to quit patronizing her. She is after the same belt he is, and it isn’t the tag titles. Duchess says she’ll put a size five pump in the face of anyone standing between her and that title, and this week, luckily for Andy, it just happens to be the Thrillbilles. Andy seems satisfied by this and leaves Duchess to work on he cuticles.

Nice spot, does more to establish Doc/Duchess than some tag match and gives Duchess a little more depth to her character. Also adds some INTRIGUE~! for the tag match.



Biff is backstage with the victorious FUSEMASE. Ace says that the International Badasses made a statement tonight. A statement that they are here to take over the MBE Tag Team division. Fusenshoff looks a little annoyed and says that’s right. The Kickass Icons are here to stay. Ace says he thought they agreed on the tag team name. This goes back and forth until the two come to blows. TAG TEAM SYNERGY~! And the Lot’s HOOLIGAN SENSE MUST BE TINGLING cause here they come into the fray. Never far from a fight those guys. They brawl for a while, and the Lot wants to know what is up. FUSEMASE relate their woebegone tale of tag team nomenclature, and the Lot suggest there is only one way to settle this dispute. WITH A DRINKING CONTEST! TO THE BARS! The Lot drag Biff and Charlie Hustle off with them, too, despite the pair’s protestations.

It’s time for the MBE in-ring redebut of Yori Yakamo, jr. God help us all. A is out first with FF, and they do not receive a warm welcome. FF jaws with some of the fans as only FF can do while A seems almost bored to be out here. And it’s SUPER SEXY TIME as Yori emerges from the back, but he’s still in his suit? He has ROBOYORI at his side and a microphone in hand. He says that he has brought out YORI YAKAMO JR to wrestle ‘A.’ Ah, of course, the robot’s name is also Yori Yakamo, but only for tax and legal purposes. That Yori is always one step ahead of everybody. FF gets on the mic and asks Yori if he thinks PbPro is made up of fools. They run a professional outfit, and of course they figured Yori would try to substitute the sex robot. You will NEVER see a man with the stature and dignity of A wrestling some giant sex toy. They specifically wrote in the contract A v. YORI YAKAMO, JR (HUMAN).

Smitty hands Yori his satchel and Yori examines the contract. He does not look pleased. Yori takes a deep breath and says that fortunately he came prepared. He tears off his suit. (literally) to reveal his traditional wrestling garb, and by that I mean tiny, tiny leopard print tights and assless leather chaps. Lovely. A and FF look disgusted. So much for your dignity and stature, eh? Yori charges down to ringside but FF blocks his path and orders the referee to check Yori for any foreign objects first. Ref Thunder looks less than thrilled with this scenario. But he is a professional and snaps on a pair of latex gloves as we mercifully head to a commercial break.


We’re back, and the ring is comically littered with dildos, powder, chains, brass knucks, what appears to be a taser, and a pair of pink furry handcuffs. Yori claims he has no idea how all that got there. Except the handcuffs, those were for later. Lance removes his gloves, kicks all the crap out of the ring and orders the match started. Unsurprisingly, A dominates Yori to start. Yori’s traditional “run away and scream like a girl” strategy is no match for A’s “actual wrestling ability” Yori gets stretched in a torture rack, but the wily bastard refuses to quit. A is fine with that and just reels off about ten brutal kicks to Yori’s ribs and back. Yori drops to his knees and eats a Yakuza kick. That gets two. A goes right for the A bomb, but Yori manages an eye poke out of sight of the referee. He shoots the double leg(?!) and starts biting A on the shoulder (that’s more like it). The ref sees that though, and breaks it up as FF goes apoplectic.


Yori is in control now with a series of Inverted Atomic Drops and a sweet standing dropkick. Of course, he stupidly showboats and ends up missing his shining groin kick and eating a stungun. A locks on the sleeper and Yori flails like a little girl. Yori is fading fast. Come on Yori, think of the Thai Hookers and Hobo Jesus, what will they do without cushy MBE paychecks. Yori’s hand drops once, it drops twice. Smitty tosses Yori a handful of pills. Yori’s hand pops back up at three and deposits the pills in his mouth. Yori is building momentum. Yori is up. Yori is shaking. I don’t know if that is from momentum or the drugs. YORI IS A HOUSE AFIRE. Man, I can only imagine how many anti-drug PSAs they are going have to run after the FCC gets a hold of this match. Yori is out. A flurry of elbows from the Cerebral Cocksassin.

Yori hits the ropes but runs into another Yakuza kick. A looks for a wheelbarrow suplex, but Yori counters to a victory roll (with thrusting). No! A escapes! FF looked legit nervous on the sidelines, there. A punishes Yori with crossfaces, but The Excellence of Sexecution just shakes off the pain. He is a man on a mission (and some drugs). Another inverted atomic drop for A. Yori hits a discuss groin punt, after distracting Lance with the ol’ “look over there.” The crowd is just eating this up, chanting “Punch his nuts.” Yori is more than happy to oblige, getting A up in the tree of woe, before unleashing his patented YAKAMO STYLE GROIN ATTACK. For those of you unaware of the 2005 Wrestling Chronicle Winner of Move of the Year, it involves Yori running up to his upside down opponent, stopping short, and then unleashing a flurry of punches to his crotch. Which he does. Lance judiciously uses his five count, but FF is not satisfied and is up on the apron, jumping up and down and calling for a DQ. Now ROBOYORI is up on the apron too, but he’s just dancing. Now he’s chasing FF around ringside. Maybe he thinks FF wanted to start a dance contest.

Yori gets A up for YORI = AWESOME, but the old bastard escapes and sunset flips Yori for two. Yori is up and looking for his patented submission hold, HANDJOBS FOR THE HOLIDAYS, but A counters by tossing Yori onto his back and unleashing a nasty head spike DVD. Yori is out. NO! Yori is too stupid to stay down, and too drugged up to feel pain. A has had enough and applies the A+ Lock. Yori is screaming in pain. Okay, maybe not drugged up enough, then. Smitty tries to make the save, but is cut off by FF. Yori has had enough. He’s tapping.

WINNER: A (10:57- A+ Lock)

A refuses to break the hold, though, and here comes YAMADA! And he is not alone, bringing the hooker brigade and Justin Evitable. FF and A head for higher ground, but FF is on the stick! And he says Yori and Yamada better submit their budget cuts by the end of the night. What’s a Thai Hooker to do? Suitably ludicrous, yet awesome, match. This is far from over, A. The pervert brigade will be back!


We return at a local watering hole with some very shaky camera work from our crack interview team. Charlie Hustle is doing shots with Ace and Fuse while The Lot drunkenly sing at a back table, arms around a mortified Biff, who is nursing some sort of martini.A waitress comes by with the next round of shots and asks what the competition is all about. Ace drunkenly explains, and the waitress asks why they don’t just compromise and name their team the International Icons. This sounds like a fine plan to the drunkards, so they toast their new tag team and down their shots. Charlie promptly falls over with the camera.


Smitty is going over a bunch of financial documents with Riki Yakamo. Yori enters in a neck brace with a Thai Hooker massaging his temples. He wants to know how the budget cuts are going. Smitty says it doesn’t look good. They’ve fired the entire horn section of the Thai Hooker Marching Band and most of the Thai Hooker Charity Car Wash Team. They also had to reduce Jesus Hobo’s salary by nine meatball sandwiches a week. But they are still 10,000 dollars short of their goal. They think they may have to…fire Justin Evitable. Yori is shocked that they are paying Justin that much to begin with. Even with his newfound success, they still have to bust out the Justin jokes. Yori says if it’s only 10,000 dollars, he can make that up easily. He’ll just detach ROBOYORI’S head on weekends and rent it out to local college students as a bong. IT’S FOOLPROOF! CONGRATULATIONS ALL AROUND! SEXY PARTY TIME! I know I would totally get baked smoking out of the head of a giant sex robot if I was still at SUNY Buffalo. What would you listen to, though, Daft Punk or something? WNW always makes you think.

Down to the ring we go for the Billies versus Andy and Duchess. The Thrillbillies really don’t get enough credit, they have anchored the tag division since the federation’s reinception and taken on all comers. And they are undefeated as a tag team. Andy and Duchess head down to ringside next and they seem to be more on the same page now as they go over strategy for taking down the Billies as we head to another commercial.


We are back to live action as the ref calls for the bell and Andy and Jake start the match off. It’s a traditional power versus speed match-up and power takes it to start, Andy blocking a hip toss after some chain wrestling and dropping Jake with a high fireman’s carry backbreaker. Andy continues to stretch out Jake with a bow and arrow variation, but Hoss comes right in and kicks Andy off. Hoss is especially fiery tonight. Andy whips Jake into the ropes, but the tag champ avoids the clothesline and wraps Andy up in a crucifx hold for two. Andy rolls through and goes for another Fireman’s backbreaker, but Jake lands on his feet and catches Andy with a savate kick. Here’s Hoss, and he drops some hambones onto the Gilkinator. Bodyslam, but a follow up knee drop misses and Gilkie capitalizes with some rolling suplexes. Throwing the heavy artillery out early this week.


He tags in Duchess and they hit a double team Russian leg sweep. Duchess floats into the cover, but that only gets two. Duchess whips Hoss into the corner and adds a running elbow strike/ace cutter combo. Nice. Jake breaks up the pinfall. Andy is in and tosses Jake. He follows to the outside and whips McCody into the barricade. Meanwhile, Duchess works over Hoss’s neck in the ring with a cravate and then a WAR Special. Jake finally escapes Andy’s onslaught, backdropping Andy into the crowd. He heads in as Hoss reverses and Irish whip and the two hit a springboard DDT variation on the 3D out of nowhere. Very impressive. Wow. Didn’t think Duchess would kick out there. Hoss tags out to Jake who looks for the Cutter from Fort Sumter, but a very annoyed Andrew Gilkison arrives and moves the top rope, so the Thrillbilly crotches himself. Andy adds a lariat, bouncing Jake off the apron and to the floor.

Hoss doesn’t take too kindly to that and slingshots Andy into the ring where he meets Hoss’s friend, Mr. Right and Mr. Left, in succession. Andy is rocked and walks into a turning powerslam. That gets two, as Duchess breaks it up. Duchess goes for her superkick, but Hoss catches her leg and pulls Duchess in for the Dixie Driver. Duchess counters into a small package for two, but Hoss is out. Andy tries to catch Hoss with a flying shoulderblock as he rises, but Hoss sidesteps and Duchess eats the move and is knocked out to the floor. Whoops. Duchess tries to get back in the ring, but is cut off by Jake who hits a rana on her after running the length of the apron. Wow! Nice move, and no margin for error. Still don’t know he avoided cracking his skull on the apron.

Hoss goes for the Crimson Nose Job, but Andy blocks it and follows with a Gilkination DDT attempt, Hoss is too quick for that, though, and escapes. Both have the same thought and exchange roaring elbows, as Hoss gets the Crimson Nose Job this time. Both men go down hard. And as if hewere just waiting for this moment, it’s Promo. Jake tries to cut him off and gets tossed off the rampway onto the barricade. Yikes. Promo grabs a chair from ringside and heads into the ring. Hoss is slowly getting to his feet, as Promo stands over the still dazed Andy with the chair in hand. The ref tries to intervene and gets shoved to the mat for his trouble. This does not bode well for the Gilkinator. Wait! He turns and cracks Hoss with the chair instead. The ref is calling for the bell.

WINNER: THE THRILLBILLIES (10:27- Disqualification)

Ah, I see, now Andy doesn’t get his shot at the tag titles next week. Clever, that Promo. He’s not done, though, as now he cracks Andy right across the back. He turns to Hoss and gives him the Ricky Steamboat treatment, throat first across the chair. Ouch. Hoss is gasping for air and flopping around on the mat as Promo soaks in some boos. The boos change to raucous cheers as the HOOKER LOVING COWBOY IS HERE! He dives headlong into the ring and spears Promo to the mat. He is firing rights and lefts off the skull of the Underground Icon.
And here comes Ravage, A, and FF, they pull Jimmy off and give him the CHOKESLAMMMMOOOOOOOO treatment. Jake tries to help his partners, but eats an A Bomb for his trouble. BUT HERE’S JUSTIN AND RED!!! It’s breaking down in Atlanta. Justin and Red turn the tide as security rushes out behind them to try and separate the now throng of wrestling humanity in the ring, and we head to our last commercial.



Things have settled down some, as Yamada has banished everyone not in the main event from ringside, including FF who is making quite a fuss on the mic as he leaves, or rather is dragged off by security. Something about a manager’s license and an insult and making Yamada pay. Jake is tending to Hoss who is being looked at by a team of medics. Justin and Red have to hold Andy back from tearing into Promo who reclines in his corner, egging Andy on with some very rude comments about his mother, sister, girlfriend, and such.

Our main finally gets underway with Red and Justin just charging clear across the ring. Justin clotheslines Promo over the top to the outside, while Red tries to chop down Ravage with some right hands. Ravage piefaces Red to the mat and kicks Red back down as he rises. On the outside Justin whips Promo into the stairs and follows with a running baseball slide dropkick. Ravage presses Red over his head and aims him outside the ring where he lands on top of his tag partner. Yikes. Ravage is a freaking beast.

Ravage steps over the top rope and drops to the outside. He grabs a groggy Red and drops him throatfirst across the top rope. Justin charges in but eats a bodyslam right on the mats. Jeez, can anyone stop Ravage? Promo pounces on Justin and rolls him into the ring. He whips Justin off the ropes and catches him with a T-Bone suplex. That gets two. Promo wastes no time going for the Fadeout, but Justin has an escape in mind and counters with a backdrop driver.

Outside the ring, Red refuses to quit, coming back at Ravage with a series of leg kicks. He ducks a clothesline, and hits a chop block. Ravage teeters a bit, but stays vertical, and Red pays the prices as Ravage caves in his skull with a knee lift, before tossing Red like a rag doll head first into the metal post. Meanwhile, in the ring, Justin has Promo pinned in the corner and is raining down punches from the turnbuckles as the crowd counts along.

Jeez, Red is bleeding like…well, Doc Silver. Ravage rakes Red’s forehead across the ring steps as the South Dakotan screams in agony. What a sadistic bastard. Justin finally breaks off his attack on Promo and dives over the top rope onto Ravage. Whoa! That got the crowd into it. Ravage is up first, though, and has both men primed for a chokeslam. No! Double nut kick. Ravage is doubled over. But now Promo is on the top rope. The Underground Icon leaps off the top. Justin gets out of the way, but Red is flattened by the plancha. The ref is counting all four men out. Justin tries to get back in the ring, but Ravage drags him off the apron and flings him back into the barricade, Ravage tries to climb in, but Justin is having none of that and clings to the leg of the big man. That’s it. The ref is calling for the bell.


That doesn’t seem to slow the action, though as Ravage javelins Justin into the crowd and Red and Promo brawl up the rampway. Security earns some overtime as they head out and the announcers sign off, declaring nothing has been settled.


Topsy turvy show. More wrestling this week, but not a whole lot of finishes, not a huge fan of that move, but at least MBE looked stronger this week against PbPro, not that that is saying much. MBE may need to step up their game to hang with the big boys.


Match of the Night: CFC v. Doc Silver
Spot of the Night: Ravage press slams Red onto Justin
Line of the Night: “Man, this is not gonna help Jesus Hobo’s iron deficiency. Or his temperment. Or his smell.”

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