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The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread

Johnny Nash

League Member
Dec 8, 2006
The scene begins outside a local bar where there is apparently a problem between two guys who have each have had too much to drink. One man is large and strong looking with a blue t-shirt. The other man is a smaller man wearing a football jersey. The two are screaming at each other loudly as a small crowd gathers around. The smaller man throws a punch that lands on the other man’s jaw. The big man shakes it off and attempts to tackle him by pushing him into a car. The two men go to the ground and are throwing punches. The two roll on the sidewalk as the crowd moves to accommodate them. The door to the bar opens while all of this is going on and out comes walking the UCW’s own Johnny Nash. He has a cigarette between his lips and a drink in a plastic cup. He is wearing an “Old School” Earl Campbell, Houston Oilers jersey with a pair of old faded jeans. He sips from his drink and flicks his ash as if he is just taking it in. With this the larger man involved in the fight swiftly lifts his knee into the other man’s crotch and then pins him to the cement. He begins to land large haymaker punches to the smaller man as he has been incapacitated. Johnny Nash calmly places his drink on the ledge, flicks his cigarette and walks over to the fight. A large OOOooooo comes from the small crowd. He reaches down and pulls the larger man off.
JN: C’mon man leave the fighting to the professionals. This guy has had enough.
As Nash picks him up the man begins to struggle with him and throws a punch that nearly lands.
JN: Whoa Sparky! You do not want to do that.
The man looks at Johnny and spits on him. More importantly spits on his 1980 Earl Campbell jersey.
JN: Did you just spit on Earl? Please, for the love of God, tell me you did not just spit on Earl!
Johnny Throws the guy up against the wall of the bar. Johnny is trying to give this guy a chance to clear his head before he does something he might regret. Unfortunately the man puts up his hands as if to defend himself.
JN: Brother you do NOT want to go there. Don’t you know who I am? Don’t you realize I could break every bone in your body like a string bean. It wouldn’t be the first time either. Let’s not do this.
With this the bar door swings open and a fat, balding man comes running out. He takes a quick look at Johnny and then runs over and grabs the big man.
Fat Man: Jimmy you do not want to go there! That man is, is, Johnny Nash! He will bust you up something awful. C’mon lets take you home.
The large man begins to struggle with the fat man from the bar. Johnny walks over to the man.
JN: Just let him go and I will put him in the damned ICU!
The fat man is hugging the big man against the wall of the bar. He starts stroking his hand through his hair to calm him.
FM: Calm down Jimmy, Please!
JN: You know what? I don’t feel like going to jail tonight, Even though your friend is in desperate need of a large beating. You see I am going to be the newest star in the MCW. It isn’t worth all that to be picked up by the cops tonight. Make sure you tell your friend when he is sober what he avoided tonight. I guarantee you it won’t happen again.
Johnny Lights a cigarette and walks away….

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