(Fade in to a TEAM FFA~! backdrop. There's no one on the set, just a camera pointing at the backdrop. A rather large man with long, wet-shower-look brown hair, and a strip of goatee running from his bottom lip down to the bottom of his chin pokes his head in from outside the camera's range.)
Man: Hello? Is anyone there?
(Pause. The man turns his head to the right, as if he's speaking to someone off-camera.)
Man: I don't think there's anyone here.
(Pause. The man turns his head to the right again, then pulls his head back so he's out of frame.)
Man: No, dude, I don't think anyone's there. It's dead here.
(The man, about six-foot-five, and only muscled, but bulky, then walks into the frame. He's wearing a classic G1 Transformers t-shirt and jeans. A yellow rubber duck is perched on his right shoulder.)
Man: It's like one of those old Western towns with the dirt streets and the empty saloon and tumbleweeds blowing through town.
(Just then, a gigantic tumbleweed blows through the set and bounces by them.)
Man: See, Ducky? I told you, it's a ghost town!
(It's a ghost town, it's a ghost town!)
Man: Wha? It ECHOES in here? It's worse than I thought.
(The camera cuts to Ducky on the man's shoulder, and then back to a wide shot.)
Man: What's that? Just do the promo? Oh yeah, right.
(The man clears his throat.)
Man: *Ahem!*
Alright. My name is Big Wreck. On my shoulder here, is my best friend, Ducky. Umm... I'm a Taurus. I like blondes, but really, it's only a color; a great sense of humor, long walks on the beach, cartoons, porn...
(The camera cuts to Ducky on the man's shoulder, and then back to a wide shot.)
Big Wreck: I KNOW it's not a dating video! Geez Louise... I'm just trying to introduce myself!
(The camera cuts to Ducky on the man's shoulder, and then back to a wide shot.)
Big Wreck: Ok, ok... I'll stick to wrestling. Um... I'm a former Tag Team Champion, and two-time Triple Star Champion... did I say I like porn?
(The camera cuts to Ducky on the man's shoulder, and then back to a wide shot. Big Wreck looks a little annoyed.)
Big Wreck: And Duck tossing?
Well, anyway... I just thought I'd mosey on over here and see what things were all about, but I must have come to the wrong place, or Ducky messed up the map again. You're a BIRD for crying out loud. You're migratory! You'd think you'd know the way! But if there's no one else here taking part in this battle royale, then it's gonna be pretty easy to win myself if I'm the only one there!
I thought this being a big title match and all, people would be chomping at the bit to get in here and muck around, but whoa, was I wrong.
(Big Wreck walks up to the camera and knocks on the lens, as if he's looking for some kind of response. The only thing that can be heard is the sound of crickets chirping.)
Big Wreck: Wow, this place IS dead. Come on, Ducky... let's venture out and see if we can find some cowgirl to play lasso with.
(Fade out as Big Wreck and Ducky walk off the set.)