Dangerous Duke MAson v Johnny Onan
(FADE IN: An MBE backdrop hangs down to cover one half of the wall. On the other side a red Lord of the Boards banner compliments it. Smoke rings come into view along with the sounds of boots clicking against hard concrete.)
“Howdy gang.”
(SCENE: The man takes the last drag off his small, rundown cigarette. He squashes it out on the floor beneath him, watching down as the orange embers turn to smoke.)
“Some of you might recognize me, some might not. Not a big deal either, if ya don’t. I’ll run down some of my defining moments for ya. First things first, how ‘bout an introduction? My name’s Duke. Duke Mason.”
(CUTTO: Duke removes the black leather jacket he’s been wearing, tossing it over onto a stack of wood crates beside him. He shuffles around a little and then looks back to the camera with his light blue eyes.)
“You can call me ‘Dangerous’ Duke Mason because… well, I’ll tell ya. Growin’ up in Knoxville, music was part of my life from day one, listening to Ol’ Rockytop. At about the age of nine I had a guitar and already learned to play songs like Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire and Purple Haze by Hendrix. It was a great start for what would come – my own band. Me and my three other brothers set out to live our dream and take over the rock ‘n roll scene.”
(CUTTO: Mason stops talking, staring into space for a second while his eyes drift away from the camera. He snaps his head up, shaking it and grinning a bit as he removes a cigarette from the pack and lights it under his nose. He exhales and opens his eyes.)
“That was fun, it really was. Twelve years, 27 tours, three gold albums, and $700,000 in legal fees couldn’t have made me happier in my life, really. I had all the important things in life right in front of me because that’s what Rock’s all about – puttin’ yourself out there for the world to see, judge, and love. Love… what a joke.”
“Not even three days after I was arrested for fighting those security guards in Reno, we lost our fan club. Mainly, I lost my fan club. Over a fight? Fu*kin’ pussies! Go ahead and abandon the only real American Badass left in this wussified country, overflowing with ‘PC’ shmucks and so many naysayers it makes me blackout just listening to them. Actually… I hope they’re all watchin’ right now.”
(CUTTO: Duke exhales smoke as he puts his face near the camera; causing it to bounce off the lens and surround the image of Mason’s head.)
“Because today not only am I a professional wrestler, I’m a contender. I know, a lot of you are probably all laughing – but my advice is you should hang onto your breath. After MBE’s next show, SINGLED OUT – the Duke’s first impressions will get to be handled by none other than Johnny Onan, the Italian Adonis.”
“For those of you wondering about my wrestling skills and abilities, you can sleep at night; I have been given the secrets and ways in wrestling from the deadliest, most fierce tribes in all of history – the Grappaho tribe. They are a savage people with Trix t-shirts and cigarettes but one thing is for certain; they know how to wrestle. With all that power and a fifth of Cuervo in my system, there’s not telling what the Tennessee Legend will have on his resume by the time this thing’s all said and done.”
(CUTTO: Taking another drag, Duke winks at the camera.)
“As far as the Italian Adumbdumb, you should all tune in for a nice surprise when you see Mr. ROCK ‘N ROLL – Duke Mason – completely destroy Onan in a one on one fiasco. The strange part is, Johnny Onan is beautiful. He’s sexy, he’s hot, he’s so damn cool; he’s everything a girl could ever want, right?”
(CUT SCENE: Duke, is sitting on his custom Harley with a tie-dye paintjob. Looking backward, he checks out the three ladies who have all packed on tight for the long night ahead. Duke shoots a look through his sunglasses to the MBE cameraman, pointing and yelling for emphasis.)
“I know what women want. They want 120mph in their face screamin’ down Route 66 with two lines to the face. They want diamonds and then two lines in their face. They want an adventure, Onan – not a Ken doll. So, MBE cameraman and Lord of the Boards statistician; you need to find wherever the hell Johnny Onan is and you better tell him that Rock’s Last Bad Ass is here and he’s ready to write the new chapter in his book, except the problem for the Adonis might be that it’s titled ‘Johnny Onan gets rocked by the ACIDFROG! see you at SINGLED OUT.”
(FADE OUT: Duke fires up the Harley, letting the thunderous claps of the engine ricochet off of the parking lot walls as he under hooks the kickstand and gives the camera one last Index Finger Point of Rock before riding off into the brilliant lights of the city.)