What this Hobby Needs Now . . . a Texan accent. (STOP CRYING BRUNK!)
(FADEIN: The sounds of crickets. The picture is black, but the repetitive droning of insects and frogs increases in volume...)
"So, this is a Message Board?"
(And thus we have light, a young man not much into his 20's is standing in front of a black backdrop with the MBE logo, shuffling a deck of cards quickly and looking towards the lights as if he's impressed. Blue jeans, a Ben Harper & The Blind Boys of Alabama brown t-shirt, two bandanas (one around his head Axl style, another coming out of his back pocket) and black boots. He stops the shuffling, and pulls out three cards simultaneously...they're all Aces. He starts shuffling them again...)
"Now, I know y'all are lookin' at me and wonderin' who the hell’s on your TV screen. Well, I'm not so sure there's much to know about me, folks. At least that’s what I’m apparently thinkin’. See, the way I’ve been hyped up by our illustrious management, you may or may not hear my theme music during my match. I hear its runnin' 1-2 odds on bein' cut from the show at this point."
(The man smirks, shaking his head in slight disbelief, then stops and pulls the deck apart showing suicide kings facing each other from the tops of each half. . .he starts shuffling again, looking back towards his boombox radio.)
"Well, I thought I'd add to the ambience here, but t'tell the truth its depressing my (BLEEP!)ss even more than when I realized I'd been teamed with ( the man quotes the air) "Phenomenal" (unquote) Frankie Scott in my first globally televised wrestling match."
(He flips two cards over that are matching Jokers, then leans over and flicks the radio off, saluting the camera.)
“Well, the name’s Jeff Hawkins and I’m from the state of Texas. I won’t save ya the trouble of mistakin’ my country twang for a lack of intelligence, because I’m smart enough to know in this business that’s invaluable. What you don’t know about me is that I’ve been trained by some of the toughest men and I’ve spent the last three years on the open roads of the Lone star state and its neighbors...starting my way up from the local high school gyms, all the way to the top of the Texas Wrestling Association...not that you give a (BLEEP!)it about my life, or where I’m from, but I figured I’d dispense the pleasantries early on.”
(HAWKINS starts shuffling the cards, letting a couple fly out randomly as he does some tricks.)
“As y’can tell, I like t’play cards, but if I start talkin’ about that too much at the present moment...well, I may get some unwanted attention from the White Trash King. Yeah, I’m a gambler, yeah I’m gonna take some risks, but more importantly...I play to win.”
(HAWKINS flashes a smile. . .)
“So, Frankie Scott, relax don’t do it. Nobody wants to hear if you spit, swallow or commit anything a drunken Yori might misconstrue as a reason for us to wrestle in a bowl of Jello. (HAWKINS laughs) As for the hooligans I’ll be standin’ across that ring reveling in ESEN TV, its national spotlight and givin’ the number one reason I’m steppin’ into this place, the true fans of this sport, something to cheer about. Whether its you boys, Promo, Tremendous, Roberts or Evitable. . . I don’t give a rat’s (BLEEP!) ‘cause starting at Singled Out. . . “
(HAWKINS shows a 7 of clubs to the camera, spins it around between his fingers and when its facing the camera again... it’s a Suicide Jack.)
“I’m gonna show the world that JEFF HAWKINS is. . .”
(HAWKINS slowly slides a card out from behind the Jack, an Ace of Spades. . . )
“MBE’s Ace in the Hole and greatest show. Ready to rise up the ranks of MBE like smoke in a casino…and if you don’t believe it, put your money where your mouth is, so ‘THE WILD CARD’ can show you just how quickly (smirk) BLACKJACK hits.”
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