TBirdSCIL
League Member
(FADE-IN: The interview area. Lady V is standing by with Sean Edmunds)
LADY VERONICA: "Welcome back to Riptide and I'm here with 'Simply Sensational' Sean Edmunds. Sean, King Krusher announced tonight that you will be facing Jean Rabesque at Massive Assault in an 'I Quit' Match. Your thoughts on that?"
SEAN EDMUNDS: "Yeah I got some thoughts on that! I never agreed nor authorized to have an 'I Quit' Match and no one said anything to me about it and..."
(Edmunds freezes as Jean Rabesque steps in. The crowd pops in the background)
JEAN RABESQUE: "Are you done whining?"
S.E.: "What the hell do you want!?"
J.R.: "I just wanted to wish you luck tonight against the Jobber. God knows I hate that guy almost as much as you, and I'd love to see you beat him tonight. That TV Title would be a nice extra incentive to make you squeal 'I Quit' like a little baby. So make sure you win or I'm gonna have to embarass you even more than making you say 'I Quit' if you don't."
S.E.: "Screw off Rabesque, I'll win on my OWN terms and I don't need you wishing me luck and all that BS. And don't ever interrupt my time again! This interview is over!"
(Edmunds storms off as Rabesque smiles mockingly at him. CUT-TO: Matt Faley standing at mid-ring)
MATT FALEY: "Ladies and gentlemen, our next match is for the GLCW Television Title! First, coming to the ring, the challenger," (CUE-UP: "Brain Stew" by Green Day) "From Boston, Massachusetts, weighing in at 228lbs., 'SIMPLY SENSATIONAL' SEAN EDMUNDS!!"
(The crowd boos loudly as Edmunds walks to the ring looking angry over his encounter with Jean Rabesque. He wears a white sequined robe and long white tights. He glares at a few fans who are yelling at him and then he climbs into the ring)
M.F.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Lawnmower" by Worthless United) "From Whitelandia, USA, weighing in at 220lbs., the GLCW Television Champion, THE JOBBER!!"
(The crowd boos again as The Jobber emerges from the curtain with his belt around his waist. He looks to care less about the fans jeering him as he climbs into the ring and points to the belt as Edmunds looks on. Edmunds and Jobber exchange a few pleasantries)
TONY ROSS: "Well it's hard to say who the fans dislike more here, Jobber or Sean Edmunds! But regardless of that, both of these men possess a great deal of ability when they don't cheat, and I am looking forward to this one!"
RICK WISEMAN: "Well what I think this is going to boil down to is who the better cheater is! The Jobber has something to prove here in GLCW, since he wants to erase the taint of his loss to Golem in the Great Lakes Title tournament. And Edmunds has something to prove to Jean Rabesque."
T.R.: "Edmunds and The Jobber have not stopped jawing since they got to the ring and now they're in each other's face! Both me are yelling and now they start shoving and here we go! Rights and lefts are exchanged and Edmunds kicks him in the shin! That's one way to stop a flurry! The Jobber bends over and Edmunds hits a vicious knee lift! Edmunds grabs him in a side headlock and rams him head first into the second turnbuckle! Edmunds than rams him several times into the top turnbuckle and yells out at some fans at ringside!"
R.W.: "That's one thing either of these men can't do is fool around with the fans. Jobber doesn't really care but Edmunds tends to get caught up sometimes and that may cost him."
T.R.: "Edmunds back suplexes Jobber out of the corner! Edmunds struts around the ring showing off his handiwork and he should not be giving the Jobber a second of recovery time! Edmunds pulls him up by the hair but Jobber jabs him in the stomach a few times and hooks him for a gutwrench suplex out of nowhere! And Jobber immediately goes after the legs! He applies an ankle twist on Edmunds!"
R.W.: "That is the hallmark of any Jobber match! He will invariably work the leg and set his opponents up for the step over toe hold submission that he has been doing as of late. Edmunds has to escape from this if he wants any chance of winning."
T.R.: "Edmunds kicks with his free leg and he can't quite reach Jobber! Jobber continues to twist that ankle as Edmunds tries to reach for the ropes! Edmunds uses all his energy to pull himself and he made it! Referee Al Marinaro wants a break and he gets it! Edmunds gets to his feet only to have his leg swept by the Jobber! Jobber goes right back to the ankle twist but Edmunds is able to roll out of it! The Jobber charges him and gets hip tossed for his trouble! Jobber right back up as Edmunds hits a crisp dropkick right in the nose, and that sends Jobber right out of the ring!"
R.W.: "These guys are so evenly matched and its hard to tell who has any kind of advantage here. Edmunds is about 8 pounds heavier and has a slight experience advantage but that's about it. The Jobber is the champion and that's all that counts right now."
T.R.: "Edmunds follows Jobber out and he grabs Jobber from behind and pushes him into the apron! Jobber cried out in pain and Edmunds runs him shoulder first into the post! Marinaro is screaming for them to get the match back into the ring! Edmunds obliges and rolls Jobber in! Swinging Necbreaker by Edmunds! Now he's going for a piledriver but Jobber blocks! Jobber flips him backwards! Jobber drops down with his knees on Edmunds shoulders and holds his arms down with his hands!! 1.....2.....Almost! That move surprised Edmunds!"
R.W.: "The Jobber has about a hundred different ways to beat someone and Edmunds has to be aware of all of them. You gotta do your homework when you face The Jobber."
T.R.: "The Jobber slaps Edmunds a few times before dragging him to his feet and whips him in! Hot shot by The Jobber and Edmunds neck snaps off that top rope! The Jobber with a quick cover!! 1....2...No!! Close but no cigar! The Jobber pulls him up again and hits a dragon screw leg whip and immediately applies a half crab!! What a series of moves by Jobber! Edmunds is locked in the half crab! Marinaro is checking for a submission but he's not tapping! Edmunds musters up all his strength and pulls himself to the ropes and escapes again! The Jobber won't let go! Marinaro warns him and he finally lets off!"
R.W.: "Every extra second The Jobber holds that half crab on is another second closer to victory! Edmunds was in immense pain there!"
T.R.: "Edmunds gets up favoring his back and leg, and The Jobber kicks the knee of Edmunds and he falls into the ropes but not out! Marinaro backs the Jobber away giving Edmunds a few moments to recover! Edmunds charges Jobber with a forearm and he drills him over Marinaro's shoulder! The Jobber staggers back and Edmunds spears him!! Edmunds rolls over on the mat and tries to collect himself!"
R.W.: "Edmunds is obviously hurting here and every offensive move he performs takes a little out of himself. He better bring this one home quick if he wants that belt."
T.R.: "Both men get to their feet and Edmunds axehandles Jobber on the head! Double underhook suplex by Edmunds! Edmunds to his feet quickly with a body splash and a cover!! 1.....2....No!! Edmunds picks Jobber up and slams him down! Edmunds is going up top! Elbow drop!! He misses!! The Jobber rolled out of the way! Edmunds hit nothing but mat and he is hurt! The Jobber gets to his feet and goes to pick Edmunds up but gets small packaged!! 1....2...No!!"
R.W.: "As expected, this one keeps going back and forth, as neither man can sustain offense over the other!"
T.R.: "Both men are up and they double clothesline each other!! Edmunds and the Jobber are both down and shaking the cobwebs off! Edmunds is up first and he gets The Jobber to his feet, but The Jobber kicks him in the gut and hits the Tiger Driver!! 1......2.....3!! Did Edmunds kick out!! No he didn't!! Not in time!! I thought he may have escaped but Marinaro is saying that it's a pin! The Jobber gets the victory here!"
R.W.: "Edmunds did kick out of the move but it was a split second too late! Edmunds is up and groggy but he's arguing the call to Marinaro, who's decision is already made! I think it was the right call judging by the replay!"
T.R.: "The Jobber ekes out a win here and keeps his belt as Edmunds continues to argue with Marinaro."
M.F.: "Ladies and gentlemen, your winner and still GLCW Television Champion, THE JOBBER!!" (the crowd mostly boos. The Jobber then grabs the mic from Faley)
THE JOBBER: (breathing heavily) "Golem, I've sent Jared Poe and Sean Edmunds back to the bottom of the pile. I've crushed everyone else Great Lakes Championship Wrestling has thrown at me except for you. You've now proven to yourself that you aren't the equal of Michael Manson and that you will never be Great Lakes Champion. You've now blown your shot at the top in two different federations, so stop embarassing yourself. We still have issues to settle Golem, you may have won our last encounter, but I won the first one, leaving us tied up. I'm sure you'd much rather live with the draw, and then be able to tell everyone that you are an equal of the Jobber, but face it, our paths will cross again. So you can dodge me, you can act like you are above me, but Golem you'll have to deal with me sooner or later. So I'm throwing the gauntlet down once again. I gave Jared Poe his rematch, and I retained the Television title, now Golem it is your turn. You and me for the Television title at Massive Assault. I'm sick of hearing how you proved yourself to be superior to me by anyone who can run their mouth. Golem, it is time to show yourself to be a failure, a fluke, and someone who certaintly isn't my equal."
(The Jobber drops the mic and exits the ring as Edmunds continues to plead his case, almost child-like in doing so)
T.R.: "Well, The Jobber has just issued a challenge to Golem for another match at Massive Assault for Jobber's TV Title! I for one would love to see another match between those two, especially for a title!"
R.W.: "Well, they're 1-1 against each other so it's only natural to have a third and deciding match between the two, this time with the TV belt on the line. Let's hope King Krusher signs it."
(CUT-TO: The backstage area. A bunch of security guys are arguing with someone at the back door. When the camera zooms in a bit, the person is revealed as Jake Shades! The obnoxious, bald, pear-shaped former FWF announcer is arguing with security about something. Shades is holding a large manilla envelope)
JAKE SHADES: "I'm tellin' you clowns if you don't let me in here I'm going to be forced to use drastic measures!"
SECURITY GUY #1: "What are you gonna do, blind us with the glare off your head? Ha ha ha!"
J.S.: "Real funny jerks! I'm tellin' you right now you jackasses are gonna be sorry for not letting me in! I'll find a way, believe you me!"
SECURITY GUY #2: "So what's in that envelope, fat boy? Nude pictures of your mother?"
J.S.: "Ah, another witty retort from a brain dead slug! It's none of your business what's in this envelope, but let's just say you are pretty damn close!"
SECURITY GUY #1: "Oh man, your momma must be one hell of an ugly woman then, keep those pictures away from us! Ha ha ha!"
J.S.: "Screw you!! You'll see soon enough! Nobody messes with Jake Shades! Nobody!!"
(With that, Shades spits on the ground in front of the security guys and then storms out the door into the cold Rockford night with his envelope)
T.R.: "No! NOOOOO!!! I never thought I'd see that moron again! EVER!!"
(Fade to a commercial for Massive Assault 2002)
LADY VERONICA: "Welcome back to Riptide and I'm here with 'Simply Sensational' Sean Edmunds. Sean, King Krusher announced tonight that you will be facing Jean Rabesque at Massive Assault in an 'I Quit' Match. Your thoughts on that?"
SEAN EDMUNDS: "Yeah I got some thoughts on that! I never agreed nor authorized to have an 'I Quit' Match and no one said anything to me about it and..."
(Edmunds freezes as Jean Rabesque steps in. The crowd pops in the background)
JEAN RABESQUE: "Are you done whining?"
S.E.: "What the hell do you want!?"
J.R.: "I just wanted to wish you luck tonight against the Jobber. God knows I hate that guy almost as much as you, and I'd love to see you beat him tonight. That TV Title would be a nice extra incentive to make you squeal 'I Quit' like a little baby. So make sure you win or I'm gonna have to embarass you even more than making you say 'I Quit' if you don't."
S.E.: "Screw off Rabesque, I'll win on my OWN terms and I don't need you wishing me luck and all that BS. And don't ever interrupt my time again! This interview is over!"
(Edmunds storms off as Rabesque smiles mockingly at him. CUT-TO: Matt Faley standing at mid-ring)
MATT FALEY: "Ladies and gentlemen, our next match is for the GLCW Television Title! First, coming to the ring, the challenger," (CUE-UP: "Brain Stew" by Green Day) "From Boston, Massachusetts, weighing in at 228lbs., 'SIMPLY SENSATIONAL' SEAN EDMUNDS!!"
(The crowd boos loudly as Edmunds walks to the ring looking angry over his encounter with Jean Rabesque. He wears a white sequined robe and long white tights. He glares at a few fans who are yelling at him and then he climbs into the ring)
M.F.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Lawnmower" by Worthless United) "From Whitelandia, USA, weighing in at 220lbs., the GLCW Television Champion, THE JOBBER!!"
(The crowd boos again as The Jobber emerges from the curtain with his belt around his waist. He looks to care less about the fans jeering him as he climbs into the ring and points to the belt as Edmunds looks on. Edmunds and Jobber exchange a few pleasantries)
TONY ROSS: "Well it's hard to say who the fans dislike more here, Jobber or Sean Edmunds! But regardless of that, both of these men possess a great deal of ability when they don't cheat, and I am looking forward to this one!"
RICK WISEMAN: "Well what I think this is going to boil down to is who the better cheater is! The Jobber has something to prove here in GLCW, since he wants to erase the taint of his loss to Golem in the Great Lakes Title tournament. And Edmunds has something to prove to Jean Rabesque."
T.R.: "Edmunds and The Jobber have not stopped jawing since they got to the ring and now they're in each other's face! Both me are yelling and now they start shoving and here we go! Rights and lefts are exchanged and Edmunds kicks him in the shin! That's one way to stop a flurry! The Jobber bends over and Edmunds hits a vicious knee lift! Edmunds grabs him in a side headlock and rams him head first into the second turnbuckle! Edmunds than rams him several times into the top turnbuckle and yells out at some fans at ringside!"
R.W.: "That's one thing either of these men can't do is fool around with the fans. Jobber doesn't really care but Edmunds tends to get caught up sometimes and that may cost him."
T.R.: "Edmunds back suplexes Jobber out of the corner! Edmunds struts around the ring showing off his handiwork and he should not be giving the Jobber a second of recovery time! Edmunds pulls him up by the hair but Jobber jabs him in the stomach a few times and hooks him for a gutwrench suplex out of nowhere! And Jobber immediately goes after the legs! He applies an ankle twist on Edmunds!"
R.W.: "That is the hallmark of any Jobber match! He will invariably work the leg and set his opponents up for the step over toe hold submission that he has been doing as of late. Edmunds has to escape from this if he wants any chance of winning."
T.R.: "Edmunds kicks with his free leg and he can't quite reach Jobber! Jobber continues to twist that ankle as Edmunds tries to reach for the ropes! Edmunds uses all his energy to pull himself and he made it! Referee Al Marinaro wants a break and he gets it! Edmunds gets to his feet only to have his leg swept by the Jobber! Jobber goes right back to the ankle twist but Edmunds is able to roll out of it! The Jobber charges him and gets hip tossed for his trouble! Jobber right back up as Edmunds hits a crisp dropkick right in the nose, and that sends Jobber right out of the ring!"
R.W.: "These guys are so evenly matched and its hard to tell who has any kind of advantage here. Edmunds is about 8 pounds heavier and has a slight experience advantage but that's about it. The Jobber is the champion and that's all that counts right now."
T.R.: "Edmunds follows Jobber out and he grabs Jobber from behind and pushes him into the apron! Jobber cried out in pain and Edmunds runs him shoulder first into the post! Marinaro is screaming for them to get the match back into the ring! Edmunds obliges and rolls Jobber in! Swinging Necbreaker by Edmunds! Now he's going for a piledriver but Jobber blocks! Jobber flips him backwards! Jobber drops down with his knees on Edmunds shoulders and holds his arms down with his hands!! 1.....2.....Almost! That move surprised Edmunds!"
R.W.: "The Jobber has about a hundred different ways to beat someone and Edmunds has to be aware of all of them. You gotta do your homework when you face The Jobber."
T.R.: "The Jobber slaps Edmunds a few times before dragging him to his feet and whips him in! Hot shot by The Jobber and Edmunds neck snaps off that top rope! The Jobber with a quick cover!! 1....2...No!! Close but no cigar! The Jobber pulls him up again and hits a dragon screw leg whip and immediately applies a half crab!! What a series of moves by Jobber! Edmunds is locked in the half crab! Marinaro is checking for a submission but he's not tapping! Edmunds musters up all his strength and pulls himself to the ropes and escapes again! The Jobber won't let go! Marinaro warns him and he finally lets off!"
R.W.: "Every extra second The Jobber holds that half crab on is another second closer to victory! Edmunds was in immense pain there!"
T.R.: "Edmunds gets up favoring his back and leg, and The Jobber kicks the knee of Edmunds and he falls into the ropes but not out! Marinaro backs the Jobber away giving Edmunds a few moments to recover! Edmunds charges Jobber with a forearm and he drills him over Marinaro's shoulder! The Jobber staggers back and Edmunds spears him!! Edmunds rolls over on the mat and tries to collect himself!"
R.W.: "Edmunds is obviously hurting here and every offensive move he performs takes a little out of himself. He better bring this one home quick if he wants that belt."
T.R.: "Both men get to their feet and Edmunds axehandles Jobber on the head! Double underhook suplex by Edmunds! Edmunds to his feet quickly with a body splash and a cover!! 1.....2....No!! Edmunds picks Jobber up and slams him down! Edmunds is going up top! Elbow drop!! He misses!! The Jobber rolled out of the way! Edmunds hit nothing but mat and he is hurt! The Jobber gets to his feet and goes to pick Edmunds up but gets small packaged!! 1....2...No!!"
R.W.: "As expected, this one keeps going back and forth, as neither man can sustain offense over the other!"
T.R.: "Both men are up and they double clothesline each other!! Edmunds and the Jobber are both down and shaking the cobwebs off! Edmunds is up first and he gets The Jobber to his feet, but The Jobber kicks him in the gut and hits the Tiger Driver!! 1......2.....3!! Did Edmunds kick out!! No he didn't!! Not in time!! I thought he may have escaped but Marinaro is saying that it's a pin! The Jobber gets the victory here!"
R.W.: "Edmunds did kick out of the move but it was a split second too late! Edmunds is up and groggy but he's arguing the call to Marinaro, who's decision is already made! I think it was the right call judging by the replay!"
T.R.: "The Jobber ekes out a win here and keeps his belt as Edmunds continues to argue with Marinaro."
M.F.: "Ladies and gentlemen, your winner and still GLCW Television Champion, THE JOBBER!!" (the crowd mostly boos. The Jobber then grabs the mic from Faley)
THE JOBBER: (breathing heavily) "Golem, I've sent Jared Poe and Sean Edmunds back to the bottom of the pile. I've crushed everyone else Great Lakes Championship Wrestling has thrown at me except for you. You've now proven to yourself that you aren't the equal of Michael Manson and that you will never be Great Lakes Champion. You've now blown your shot at the top in two different federations, so stop embarassing yourself. We still have issues to settle Golem, you may have won our last encounter, but I won the first one, leaving us tied up. I'm sure you'd much rather live with the draw, and then be able to tell everyone that you are an equal of the Jobber, but face it, our paths will cross again. So you can dodge me, you can act like you are above me, but Golem you'll have to deal with me sooner or later. So I'm throwing the gauntlet down once again. I gave Jared Poe his rematch, and I retained the Television title, now Golem it is your turn. You and me for the Television title at Massive Assault. I'm sick of hearing how you proved yourself to be superior to me by anyone who can run their mouth. Golem, it is time to show yourself to be a failure, a fluke, and someone who certaintly isn't my equal."
(The Jobber drops the mic and exits the ring as Edmunds continues to plead his case, almost child-like in doing so)
T.R.: "Well, The Jobber has just issued a challenge to Golem for another match at Massive Assault for Jobber's TV Title! I for one would love to see another match between those two, especially for a title!"
R.W.: "Well, they're 1-1 against each other so it's only natural to have a third and deciding match between the two, this time with the TV belt on the line. Let's hope King Krusher signs it."
(CUT-TO: The backstage area. A bunch of security guys are arguing with someone at the back door. When the camera zooms in a bit, the person is revealed as Jake Shades! The obnoxious, bald, pear-shaped former FWF announcer is arguing with security about something. Shades is holding a large manilla envelope)
JAKE SHADES: "I'm tellin' you clowns if you don't let me in here I'm going to be forced to use drastic measures!"
SECURITY GUY #1: "What are you gonna do, blind us with the glare off your head? Ha ha ha!"
J.S.: "Real funny jerks! I'm tellin' you right now you jackasses are gonna be sorry for not letting me in! I'll find a way, believe you me!"
SECURITY GUY #2: "So what's in that envelope, fat boy? Nude pictures of your mother?"
J.S.: "Ah, another witty retort from a brain dead slug! It's none of your business what's in this envelope, but let's just say you are pretty damn close!"
SECURITY GUY #1: "Oh man, your momma must be one hell of an ugly woman then, keep those pictures away from us! Ha ha ha!"
J.S.: "Screw you!! You'll see soon enough! Nobody messes with Jake Shades! Nobody!!"
(With that, Shades spits on the ground in front of the security guys and then storms out the door into the cold Rockford night with his envelope)
T.R.: "No! NOOOOO!!! I never thought I'd see that moron again! EVER!!"
(Fade to a commercial for Massive Assault 2002)