PaulNJ21
I shunned a voodoo witch, decapitated a black cat
The deadline for angles and RP is Friday, June 13. Send all angles to PaulNJ21@aol.com
Paul
Paul
Rage in the Cage: Rat Fink vs. Chris McMillan
- Thread starter PaulNJ21
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ChrisHorowitz
League Member
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- Jan 1, 2000
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- 123
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(Fade into Rat Fink, repairing one of his robot minions.)
Rat Fink: Sometimes things do not go according to plan. Sometimes the third wheel becomes involved and changes your plans.
Sometimes a man no matter how untalented, and useless he is able to change the course of history, halting progress and destroying the original plans of a great man.
But, never the less the Revolution will move on. We will not let the intervention of such a small man ruin us. We were not defeated by Michael Manson, only the worthless man I mention was. We were simply set back by Manson, but we will push on.
Now we move onto another nobody. Chris McMillan, one of the disillusioned fools is our next challenger for the throne of humanity. Chris McMillan, a man so worthless that I cannot even guess at what he looks like and I must imagine he has accomplished nothing in his life. Yet this man seeks to destroy the movement?
Amusing, to say the least.
McMillan, we have heard nothing from your camp, we must wonder if you even exist. Has the revolution, the force that will lead a united Earth in the years to come been insulted by the World's Finest Wrestling into fighting a man who does not exist? We must hope not, for we had hoped to give the WFW a break in the new order, but if this is the case they will suffer with the rest of the establishment of false hope.
I will assume that this is not some joke on the part of the WFW, and that McMillan is just another of the masses so unworthy that he will not even speak my name for fear of being destroyed when the new order comes to power. This is understandable, and your fear will be rewarded. We see that you are a man of realistic views McMillan, and by not opposing our revolution, which would simply crush you you may find a place for you in our new world.
You will look back on this match as the start of a new life for yourself Christopher. Your fear has served you well, and will lead to you being a clerk in the worldwide unity to come.
(Fade out)
Rat Fink: Sometimes things do not go according to plan. Sometimes the third wheel becomes involved and changes your plans.
Sometimes a man no matter how untalented, and useless he is able to change the course of history, halting progress and destroying the original plans of a great man.
But, never the less the Revolution will move on. We will not let the intervention of such a small man ruin us. We were not defeated by Michael Manson, only the worthless man I mention was. We were simply set back by Manson, but we will push on.
Now we move onto another nobody. Chris McMillan, one of the disillusioned fools is our next challenger for the throne of humanity. Chris McMillan, a man so worthless that I cannot even guess at what he looks like and I must imagine he has accomplished nothing in his life. Yet this man seeks to destroy the movement?
Amusing, to say the least.
McMillan, we have heard nothing from your camp, we must wonder if you even exist. Has the revolution, the force that will lead a united Earth in the years to come been insulted by the World's Finest Wrestling into fighting a man who does not exist? We must hope not, for we had hoped to give the WFW a break in the new order, but if this is the case they will suffer with the rest of the establishment of false hope.
I will assume that this is not some joke on the part of the WFW, and that McMillan is just another of the masses so unworthy that he will not even speak my name for fear of being destroyed when the new order comes to power. This is understandable, and your fear will be rewarded. We see that you are a man of realistic views McMillan, and by not opposing our revolution, which would simply crush you you may find a place for you in our new world.
You will look back on this match as the start of a new life for yourself Christopher. Your fear has served you well, and will lead to you being a clerk in the worldwide unity to come.
(Fade out)
Mister Dread
League Member
[updated:LAST EDITED ON Jun-08-03 AT 07:19 PM (EST)]::FADEIN on the rickety, sagging ring at the Basham-Schultz Wrestling Academy, the dingy and unsavory haunt of "The Wolf" Chris McMillan. McMillan sits perched on the top turnbuckle, turning a sardonic eye to the camera::
THE WOLF: Well, Rat Fink ... you've certainly got an interesting view of the world around you. It seems to me, though, that it's a little self-centered. I mean, you're talking like I'm coming after you through some sort of personal vendetta, like I've got some sort of agenda regarding this Revolution of yours. I'm not really sure where you're coming from with that. I mean, I'm facing you because that's what booking decided. Not because I'm formulating some sort of plan regarding the demise of your precious Revolution. See, until you came out here jacking your jaw, I'd never heard of it. Now that I have heard of it, though ... well, I just don't care. You're deluded, Fink. Deluded and obsessive.
::The Wolf hops down from the turnbuckle, stalking towards the center of the ring::
THE WOLF: Remember, Fink, that this is business. The machinations of the promotional machine are what draws us together, not some conspiritorial plot against you and your little faction. It's business ... and you'd better hope it stays that way. You've already managed to annoy me. You would be well served not to take it any farther. As you can see, I plainly do exist. But as far as you're concerned, keep on pretending that I don't. It'll make it easier for you after I put your shoulders to the mat. You can tell yourself that none of it really happened, that I was just a figment of your imagination. But then again you're going to have a much harder time explaining away the trauma I cause when I drop you on your head fourteen or fifteen times.
::The Wolf begins to pace, looking down at the mat::
THE WOLF: I really don't know you, Rat Fink. I don't know anything about your revolution, nor do I care. The only thing I'm interested in is what you bring into the ring against me. The only thing I care about is putting another mark in the win column. I know, I know. I got my ass handed to me last week. Diablo stomped me, and it ain't the first time. But what sort of effect do you think that has on me? Am I disenhearted? Disillusioned, ready to hang up my hat? No, I don't think so. Taking a beating like that ... that only fuels me. My fire burns hotter than ever, and the lucky person that I get to unload on is YOU. Congradulations, Fink.
::FADE TO BLACK::
THE WOLF: Well, Rat Fink ... you've certainly got an interesting view of the world around you. It seems to me, though, that it's a little self-centered. I mean, you're talking like I'm coming after you through some sort of personal vendetta, like I've got some sort of agenda regarding this Revolution of yours. I'm not really sure where you're coming from with that. I mean, I'm facing you because that's what booking decided. Not because I'm formulating some sort of plan regarding the demise of your precious Revolution. See, until you came out here jacking your jaw, I'd never heard of it. Now that I have heard of it, though ... well, I just don't care. You're deluded, Fink. Deluded and obsessive.
::The Wolf hops down from the turnbuckle, stalking towards the center of the ring::
THE WOLF: Remember, Fink, that this is business. The machinations of the promotional machine are what draws us together, not some conspiritorial plot against you and your little faction. It's business ... and you'd better hope it stays that way. You've already managed to annoy me. You would be well served not to take it any farther. As you can see, I plainly do exist. But as far as you're concerned, keep on pretending that I don't. It'll make it easier for you after I put your shoulders to the mat. You can tell yourself that none of it really happened, that I was just a figment of your imagination. But then again you're going to have a much harder time explaining away the trauma I cause when I drop you on your head fourteen or fifteen times.
::The Wolf begins to pace, looking down at the mat::
THE WOLF: I really don't know you, Rat Fink. I don't know anything about your revolution, nor do I care. The only thing I'm interested in is what you bring into the ring against me. The only thing I care about is putting another mark in the win column. I know, I know. I got my ass handed to me last week. Diablo stomped me, and it ain't the first time. But what sort of effect do you think that has on me? Am I disenhearted? Disillusioned, ready to hang up my hat? No, I don't think so. Taking a beating like that ... that only fuels me. My fire burns hotter than ever, and the lucky person that I get to unload on is YOU. Congradulations, Fink.
::FADE TO BLACK::
ChrisHorowitz
League Member
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2000
- Messages
- 123
- Points
- 0
(Cue up "Temptation Awaits" by Garbage)
(Fade into the robotic production facility of Rat Fink. Cut to Rat Fink bolting what appears to be fur onto one of his robots, and then nailing a striped tail to its backside.)
Rat Fink: It seems the fates have been good to me, and that for once the combined abominations of this fantasy world have come together in one man who can be defeated and stand as a victory over an entire culture, and all of its wrongs. Now you depressed crushed souls may wonder what I am refering to, you are saying "But Rat Fink, future lord and master of planet earth, who is this personification of all that is wrong with this world that has lied to me for so long? I thought you were just fighting some bottom feeder named the Tank, or something."
Yes, on the surface The Wolf is just another nobody. Much like the rest of you he has accomplished nothing in his life, and much like you all he has little imagination or creativity, all of it beaten down by the evils of society.
But what I am getting at is this seemingly unoriginal generic moniker that our friend Chris uses. He is "THE WOLF". This may not seem important to his life style, but it is. For like many depressed young teens who try vainly to sound intelligent and brooding, our friend Chris took a right turn at goth and decided to join the ranks of the lowest common denominator of society and became a furry.
Perhaps some of you luckier people are not aware of what a furry is. Please, those of you that remain unaware of the nature of furries please look away from the screen and cover your ears. It is a case where ignorance is bliss.
(Suddenly the robot Rat Fink was working on sits up, it not resembles a skunk... well, a robot that is dressed as a skunk at least.)
Rat Fink: Is this turning you on Wolfy? Are you yiffy for skunkies? Yes all you folks out in TV land, furries which The Wolf is one are people who dress up in costumes and pretend to have sex with other fat losers who also dress up as animals. They like to call the practice "yiffing" because I guess that is the only name you can think of for wanting to sex up Tony the Tiger.
For so long you've hoped your enemies would never discover your secret. You've wanted to keep your desires to have sex with animals out of the ring, because if your opponent showed up with a giant skunk you'd soil your trunks. You probably can't help yourself right now as you watch this Wolf. I'm sure you are zipping up your costume now hoping to get some skunky action.
How can you look at yourself in the mirror? There are many kinds of respectable perverts in this world but furries just cross the line. The world crushed all of your fantasies and dreams of being policemen or lawyers, or ball players so instead you take it one step further. You remember your childhood games of being a dog or something and because you became a janitor instead of a music star you just dress up as a dog and act out all your sick unfulfilled fantasies while fantasizing about poorly drawn art work.
There will be justice for all of those people who have had to deal with you furries and your perversions. While you stare at my robot minion you will be beaten for all of the poor people who have discovered the existence of furries and your art work while browsing the internet. I try not to judge people Wolfy, I really do... But in your case justice must be served for all those who would have been better off not knowing that grown men hump each other while dressed up as elephants.
The new order will make sure you and your kind can no longer torment them with these images, and you will be reprogrammed for the good of society.
(Fade out)
(Fade into the robotic production facility of Rat Fink. Cut to Rat Fink bolting what appears to be fur onto one of his robots, and then nailing a striped tail to its backside.)
Rat Fink: It seems the fates have been good to me, and that for once the combined abominations of this fantasy world have come together in one man who can be defeated and stand as a victory over an entire culture, and all of its wrongs. Now you depressed crushed souls may wonder what I am refering to, you are saying "But Rat Fink, future lord and master of planet earth, who is this personification of all that is wrong with this world that has lied to me for so long? I thought you were just fighting some bottom feeder named the Tank, or something."
Yes, on the surface The Wolf is just another nobody. Much like the rest of you he has accomplished nothing in his life, and much like you all he has little imagination or creativity, all of it beaten down by the evils of society.
But what I am getting at is this seemingly unoriginal generic moniker that our friend Chris uses. He is "THE WOLF". This may not seem important to his life style, but it is. For like many depressed young teens who try vainly to sound intelligent and brooding, our friend Chris took a right turn at goth and decided to join the ranks of the lowest common denominator of society and became a furry.
Perhaps some of you luckier people are not aware of what a furry is. Please, those of you that remain unaware of the nature of furries please look away from the screen and cover your ears. It is a case where ignorance is bliss.
(Suddenly the robot Rat Fink was working on sits up, it not resembles a skunk... well, a robot that is dressed as a skunk at least.)
Rat Fink: Is this turning you on Wolfy? Are you yiffy for skunkies? Yes all you folks out in TV land, furries which The Wolf is one are people who dress up in costumes and pretend to have sex with other fat losers who also dress up as animals. They like to call the practice "yiffing" because I guess that is the only name you can think of for wanting to sex up Tony the Tiger.
For so long you've hoped your enemies would never discover your secret. You've wanted to keep your desires to have sex with animals out of the ring, because if your opponent showed up with a giant skunk you'd soil your trunks. You probably can't help yourself right now as you watch this Wolf. I'm sure you are zipping up your costume now hoping to get some skunky action.
How can you look at yourself in the mirror? There are many kinds of respectable perverts in this world but furries just cross the line. The world crushed all of your fantasies and dreams of being policemen or lawyers, or ball players so instead you take it one step further. You remember your childhood games of being a dog or something and because you became a janitor instead of a music star you just dress up as a dog and act out all your sick unfulfilled fantasies while fantasizing about poorly drawn art work.
There will be justice for all of those people who have had to deal with you furries and your perversions. While you stare at my robot minion you will be beaten for all of the poor people who have discovered the existence of furries and your art work while browsing the internet. I try not to judge people Wolfy, I really do... But in your case justice must be served for all those who would have been better off not knowing that grown men hump each other while dressed up as elephants.
The new order will make sure you and your kind can no longer torment them with these images, and you will be reprogrammed for the good of society.
(Fade out)
Mister Dread
League Member
Humpin' the mammals
::FADEIN on a loading area backstage. “The Wolf” Chris McMillan stands there, staring intently at a small TV which has been set up on an AV cart. Rat Fink is on TV, tinkering with his robots and mocking McMillan. “The Wolf” turns off the TV and stands there shaking his head. The shot widens to include Black Rose, mic in hand::
ROSE: Chris McMillan, you’ve obviously heard Rat Fink’s latest comments regarding your matchup next week. Can I get your thoughts on this?
THE WOLF: I gotta tell you, that guy certainly is different. I mean, his perspective on life is just … out there, you know?
ROSE: Rat Fink certainly is an interesting individual, not to mention a talented competitor.
THE WOLF: Of course he is. Company wouldn’t hire him if he sucked, right? But look, I think his perspective, his perception, his focus has slipped more than a little. Has he once talked about wrestling? You know, that thing that keeps us all employed? No, he’s off on some weird tangent about robots and revolutions, fantasy worlds and destroying entire cultures. To put it simply, I think he’s off his nut completely. How in the hell is this guy supposed to climb into the ring and go toe-to-toe with ME, one of the finest technical wrestlers in the world today, when his attentions are divided between a million different things at once? One of which, I might add, seems to be total world domination.
ROSE: Uhhh … certainly a lofty goal …
THE WOLF: Whatever. His aspirations really aren’t the focus here. The focus is his lack of focus, if you will. Preparation and concentration are, as far as I’m concerned, the most important part of any match. While I’m in the gym training, watching the videos, and shooting anabolic steroi … errrr, I mean, drinking protein shakes, he’s in a basement somewhere playing with Legos and Tinkertoys and shi ... crap. How’s that going to help him win any match at all? Now, Fink likes to talk about how I’m nothing more than one of the masses, generic. A cookie-cutter wrestler, as it were. Well, you’ve got that right in part, Fink. See, I AM just a wrestler. I’m not a robotics engineer, or a power-hungry future dictator, or a freakin’ nutcase. All I am, and all I do, is beat on guys like you.
ROSE: Wolf, recently Rat Fink made some … interesting comments about your sexuality. Do you care to respond?
THE WOLF: No.
ROSE: …
THE WOLF:(sighing) Fine. You know, Fink, I guess everyone has their little perversions. I’ve got the furry thing, you like to stick your dick in toasters, or whatever. That’s cool, man. Whatever floats your goat. But for the record, I don’t have a skunk fetish, as you so heavily implied. It’s ferrets. FERRETS. Hey, at least they’re mammals.
::McMillan brushes past Black Rose and out of the shot, leaving Rose to stare after him in bemusement as we FADE TO BLACK::
::FADEIN on a loading area backstage. “The Wolf” Chris McMillan stands there, staring intently at a small TV which has been set up on an AV cart. Rat Fink is on TV, tinkering with his robots and mocking McMillan. “The Wolf” turns off the TV and stands there shaking his head. The shot widens to include Black Rose, mic in hand::
ROSE: Chris McMillan, you’ve obviously heard Rat Fink’s latest comments regarding your matchup next week. Can I get your thoughts on this?
THE WOLF: I gotta tell you, that guy certainly is different. I mean, his perspective on life is just … out there, you know?
ROSE: Rat Fink certainly is an interesting individual, not to mention a talented competitor.
THE WOLF: Of course he is. Company wouldn’t hire him if he sucked, right? But look, I think his perspective, his perception, his focus has slipped more than a little. Has he once talked about wrestling? You know, that thing that keeps us all employed? No, he’s off on some weird tangent about robots and revolutions, fantasy worlds and destroying entire cultures. To put it simply, I think he’s off his nut completely. How in the hell is this guy supposed to climb into the ring and go toe-to-toe with ME, one of the finest technical wrestlers in the world today, when his attentions are divided between a million different things at once? One of which, I might add, seems to be total world domination.
ROSE: Uhhh … certainly a lofty goal …
THE WOLF: Whatever. His aspirations really aren’t the focus here. The focus is his lack of focus, if you will. Preparation and concentration are, as far as I’m concerned, the most important part of any match. While I’m in the gym training, watching the videos, and shooting anabolic steroi … errrr, I mean, drinking protein shakes, he’s in a basement somewhere playing with Legos and Tinkertoys and shi ... crap. How’s that going to help him win any match at all? Now, Fink likes to talk about how I’m nothing more than one of the masses, generic. A cookie-cutter wrestler, as it were. Well, you’ve got that right in part, Fink. See, I AM just a wrestler. I’m not a robotics engineer, or a power-hungry future dictator, or a freakin’ nutcase. All I am, and all I do, is beat on guys like you.
ROSE: Wolf, recently Rat Fink made some … interesting comments about your sexuality. Do you care to respond?
THE WOLF: No.
ROSE: …
THE WOLF:(sighing) Fine. You know, Fink, I guess everyone has their little perversions. I’ve got the furry thing, you like to stick your dick in toasters, or whatever. That’s cool, man. Whatever floats your goat. But for the record, I don’t have a skunk fetish, as you so heavily implied. It’s ferrets. FERRETS. Hey, at least they’re mammals.
::McMillan brushes past Black Rose and out of the shot, leaving Rose to stare after him in bemusement as we FADE TO BLACK::
ChrisHorowitz
League Member
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2000
- Messages
- 123
- Points
- 0
RE: Humpin' the mammals
(Cue up "Dogs" by Pink Floyd)
(Fade into Rat Finks robotics facility where he has now converted three of his robotic minions into what the furries like to call "Skunkies".)
Rat Fink: Who knows, soon it could become a joke. "What's the only thing worse than a furry? A furry in denial" Well, it isn't a very funny joke... Humor was never my strong suit.
So The Fox thinks I'm not quite mentally stable. He sees Rat Fink, the soon to be dictator of the earth as a simple nutjob. The irony of course is a man who thinks he is an animal and who's only passion in life is to yiff guys in animal suits is calling me off my rocker.
He's worried that I haven't discussed this little wrestling game.
He's worried that I only focus on his lifestyle, and not his limited skills.
A man with my sort of destiny isn't worried about such trivial issues as those that go on in typical wrestling banter. I seek liberation in the ring, not a simple pinfall victory. This match will be a battle between all that is wrong with the world of today, and all that will be so right with the dictatorship of right and truth.
You say that my perception has slipped. You claim that I lack focus.
I say you simply aren't paying attention.
Have you paid attention at all? Of course not, you furries live in a fantasy world so cut off from reality that it is pointless for me to even point out why you are wrong.
While you make wisecracks about how you are training, I am in the army of evil's hidden fortress planning our final destiny. While you attend furry conventions with your yiffy bretheren, we plan how to use the WFW as a signal to the rest of the world to accept our rule.
But you ignore all of this, because once a furry is dragged out of the closet they do not have the thought process to do anything but deny their involvement in it through cheap jokes.
Continue to joke about your lifestyle Wolf, act as if you have some bit of talent, some shred of ability. Act as if you are not just another peon to be destroyed for the glory of the revolution. You exist to exault us. You are only in this game to bring about our glory. But what a wonderful way to exist, especially for a furry. To have the ability to be a sacrifice for the glorious revolution, the forces of grey come forth to destroy you and your yiffy ways, and finally you have something in your life worth living for, and that is to die for us.
(Fade out)
(Cue up "Dogs" by Pink Floyd)
(Fade into Rat Finks robotics facility where he has now converted three of his robotic minions into what the furries like to call "Skunkies".)
Rat Fink: Who knows, soon it could become a joke. "What's the only thing worse than a furry? A furry in denial" Well, it isn't a very funny joke... Humor was never my strong suit.
So The Fox thinks I'm not quite mentally stable. He sees Rat Fink, the soon to be dictator of the earth as a simple nutjob. The irony of course is a man who thinks he is an animal and who's only passion in life is to yiff guys in animal suits is calling me off my rocker.
He's worried that I haven't discussed this little wrestling game.
He's worried that I only focus on his lifestyle, and not his limited skills.
A man with my sort of destiny isn't worried about such trivial issues as those that go on in typical wrestling banter. I seek liberation in the ring, not a simple pinfall victory. This match will be a battle between all that is wrong with the world of today, and all that will be so right with the dictatorship of right and truth.
You say that my perception has slipped. You claim that I lack focus.
I say you simply aren't paying attention.
Have you paid attention at all? Of course not, you furries live in a fantasy world so cut off from reality that it is pointless for me to even point out why you are wrong.
While you make wisecracks about how you are training, I am in the army of evil's hidden fortress planning our final destiny. While you attend furry conventions with your yiffy bretheren, we plan how to use the WFW as a signal to the rest of the world to accept our rule.
But you ignore all of this, because once a furry is dragged out of the closet they do not have the thought process to do anything but deny their involvement in it through cheap jokes.
Continue to joke about your lifestyle Wolf, act as if you have some bit of talent, some shred of ability. Act as if you are not just another peon to be destroyed for the glory of the revolution. You exist to exault us. You are only in this game to bring about our glory. But what a wonderful way to exist, especially for a furry. To have the ability to be a sacrifice for the glorious revolution, the forces of grey come forth to destroy you and your yiffy ways, and finally you have something in your life worth living for, and that is to die for us.
(Fade out)
Mister Dread
League Member
Paying attention
::FADEIN on the rickety, sagging ring at the Basham-Schultz Wrestling Academy, the dim and unsavory haunt of “The Wolf” Chris McMillan. McMillan sits perched on the top turnbuckle, attired as usual in jeans, harness boots, and a faded Dogs of War t-shirt::
THE WOLF: Wait a minute, Fink. I’M the one that’s not paying attention? You’re the one that’s having a hard time distinguishing between a skunk and a ferret, for Christ’s sake. Seriously though, for someone who’s only just met me you spend an inordinate amount of time talking about my sexual preferences, imagined or otherwise. Fully two thirds of your last two spots were spent talking about your perception of my sexual activities. Frankly I find that more than a little unsettling.
THE WOLF: Then you wanna talk about how you’re not worried about my limited skills because you’re not worried about the trivial ring issues, huh? That’s great. While you’re busy seeking liberation in the ring, I’LL worry about the pinfall. It’s so nice of you not to be concerned with it. For most of us, scoring the pinfall is more or less the defining moment of the match. Glad to see that you’re not preoccupied with little things like winning the match. I guess that would cramp your style. You seem to spend a lot of time trying to belittle us ordinary wrestlers. Unfortunately for you, though, this just so happens to be a professional wrestling promotion, not a theater for you to stage your world-wide coup. I mean, a wrestling federation has got to be the most unlikely, and ultimately USELESS place in the universe to make a bid for world domination. But you’re perfectly sane, right?
::The Wolf hops down from the turnbuckle and stalks toward the center of the ring::
THE WOLF: It’s funny that you should have Floyd cued up during your promo. “Dogs of War” was my ring music for a long time. Hell, it still is in some places. That tells me that you’re paying me more mind than you’d have us think. I mean, if you’ve gone so far as to dig up my old music … well, that just shows me that you’re not as apathetic towards the world of wrestling as you let on. I just can’t stress enough that for as much as you claim to be above us everyday grapplers, you’re still working for a wrestling promotion. The rest of us are not plotting to take over the world, brooding in a fortress of eviltude and building an army of robot henchmen. We’re not retarded, after all. No, we’re going out week after week, getting into the ring, and busting our asses for little more than the chance to say ‘told ya so’. So I’ll tell you what … while you’re busy with the same thing you do every night … trying to TAKE OVER THE WORLD, I’ll be busy doing the same thing I do every night, which is kicking the hell out of idiots like you.
THE WOLF: Look, I’ll play it straight with you. Do you really think anyone is buying all this world domination crap? This legion of evil fembots you’ve got going on? Come on, man. A gimmick like this one is so absurd and outright LAME as to make most people change the channel the moment you come on. Furthermore, it’s just plain annoying. Because for as much as you claim to not care about the trivial issues that go on in the ring, and for all that you turn your nose up at the ‘simple’ pinfall victory … well, we’re still going to meet in the ring. We’re still going to wrestle for that meaningless pinfall victory. Too bad for you that you don’t care. I’ll see you out there, pal. Bring your robots, you’re gonna need them.
::FADE TO BLACK::
::FADEIN on the rickety, sagging ring at the Basham-Schultz Wrestling Academy, the dim and unsavory haunt of “The Wolf” Chris McMillan. McMillan sits perched on the top turnbuckle, attired as usual in jeans, harness boots, and a faded Dogs of War t-shirt::
THE WOLF: Wait a minute, Fink. I’M the one that’s not paying attention? You’re the one that’s having a hard time distinguishing between a skunk and a ferret, for Christ’s sake. Seriously though, for someone who’s only just met me you spend an inordinate amount of time talking about my sexual preferences, imagined or otherwise. Fully two thirds of your last two spots were spent talking about your perception of my sexual activities. Frankly I find that more than a little unsettling.
THE WOLF: Then you wanna talk about how you’re not worried about my limited skills because you’re not worried about the trivial ring issues, huh? That’s great. While you’re busy seeking liberation in the ring, I’LL worry about the pinfall. It’s so nice of you not to be concerned with it. For most of us, scoring the pinfall is more or less the defining moment of the match. Glad to see that you’re not preoccupied with little things like winning the match. I guess that would cramp your style. You seem to spend a lot of time trying to belittle us ordinary wrestlers. Unfortunately for you, though, this just so happens to be a professional wrestling promotion, not a theater for you to stage your world-wide coup. I mean, a wrestling federation has got to be the most unlikely, and ultimately USELESS place in the universe to make a bid for world domination. But you’re perfectly sane, right?
::The Wolf hops down from the turnbuckle and stalks toward the center of the ring::
THE WOLF: It’s funny that you should have Floyd cued up during your promo. “Dogs of War” was my ring music for a long time. Hell, it still is in some places. That tells me that you’re paying me more mind than you’d have us think. I mean, if you’ve gone so far as to dig up my old music … well, that just shows me that you’re not as apathetic towards the world of wrestling as you let on. I just can’t stress enough that for as much as you claim to be above us everyday grapplers, you’re still working for a wrestling promotion. The rest of us are not plotting to take over the world, brooding in a fortress of eviltude and building an army of robot henchmen. We’re not retarded, after all. No, we’re going out week after week, getting into the ring, and busting our asses for little more than the chance to say ‘told ya so’. So I’ll tell you what … while you’re busy with the same thing you do every night … trying to TAKE OVER THE WORLD, I’ll be busy doing the same thing I do every night, which is kicking the hell out of idiots like you.
THE WOLF: Look, I’ll play it straight with you. Do you really think anyone is buying all this world domination crap? This legion of evil fembots you’ve got going on? Come on, man. A gimmick like this one is so absurd and outright LAME as to make most people change the channel the moment you come on. Furthermore, it’s just plain annoying. Because for as much as you claim to not care about the trivial issues that go on in the ring, and for all that you turn your nose up at the ‘simple’ pinfall victory … well, we’re still going to meet in the ring. We’re still going to wrestle for that meaningless pinfall victory. Too bad for you that you don’t care. I’ll see you out there, pal. Bring your robots, you’re gonna need them.
::FADE TO BLACK::