Humpin' the mammals
::FADEIN on a loading area backstage. “The Wolf” Chris McMillan stands there, staring intently at a small TV which has been set up on an AV cart. Rat Fink is on TV, tinkering with his robots and mocking McMillan. “The Wolf” turns off the TV and stands there shaking his head. The shot widens to include Black Rose, mic in hand::
ROSE: Chris McMillan, you’ve obviously heard Rat Fink’s latest comments regarding your matchup next week. Can I get your thoughts on this?
THE WOLF: I gotta tell you, that guy certainly is different. I mean, his perspective on life is just … out there, you know?
ROSE: Rat Fink certainly is an interesting individual, not to mention a talented competitor.
THE WOLF: Of course he is. Company wouldn’t hire him if he sucked, right? But look, I think his perspective, his perception, his focus has slipped more than a little. Has he once talked about wrestling? You know, that thing that keeps us all employed? No, he’s off on some weird tangent about robots and revolutions, fantasy worlds and destroying entire cultures. To put it simply, I think he’s off his nut completely. How in the hell is this guy supposed to climb into the ring and go toe-to-toe with ME, one of the finest technical wrestlers in the world today, when his attentions are divided between a million different things at once? One of which, I might add, seems to be total world domination.
ROSE: Uhhh … certainly a lofty goal …
THE WOLF: Whatever. His aspirations really aren’t the focus here. The focus is his lack of focus, if you will. Preparation and concentration are, as far as I’m concerned, the most important part of any match. While I’m in the gym training, watching the videos, and shooting anabolic steroi … errrr, I mean, drinking protein shakes, he’s in a basement somewhere playing with Legos and Tinkertoys and shi ... crap. How’s that going to help him win any match at all? Now, Fink likes to talk about how I’m nothing more than one of the masses, generic. A cookie-cutter wrestler, as it were. Well, you’ve got that right in part, Fink. See, I AM just a wrestler. I’m not a robotics engineer, or a power-hungry future dictator, or a freakin’ nutcase. All I am, and all I do, is beat on guys like you.
ROSE: Wolf, recently Rat Fink made some … interesting comments about your sexuality. Do you care to respond?
THE WOLF: No.
ROSE: …
THE WOLF:(sighing) Fine. You know, Fink, I guess everyone has their little perversions. I’ve got the furry thing, you like to stick your dick in toasters, or whatever. That’s cool, man. Whatever floats your goat. But for the record, I don’t have a skunk fetish, as you so heavily implied. It’s ferrets. FERRETS. Hey, at least they’re mammals.
::McMillan brushes past Black Rose and out of the shot, leaving Rose to stare after him in bemusement as we FADE TO BLACK::