[ORLANDO] EMERGENCY FFA~! Match for the vacated 3a seed!

[TH]

James Varga vs. Harley Cain vs. Spike Saunders vs. Adrien Cochrane vs. Eric Thompson vs. Bryan Dawkins vs. The Sergeant vs. Jake Phoenix vs. Showtyme vs. JJ Nickels vs. Doofus Ryan vs. Felicia Hart

This match is NOT like a regular FFA~! match. There is ONE RP LIMIT. Your deadline is Friday, March 28th @ 11:59:59 PM EDT, give or take a second.

Gentlemen, start your engines.

 

[Evil James]

Evil James - An Emergency Promo

[In the Church of the Unholy's special interview conference area that they have at their compound in Rome, Italy on the outskirts of the Vatican City Evil James has a microphone and is ready to speak his mind. He's also wearing a black suit that looks like something that you would see someone wearing at a funeral.]

"I see that I have a second life in this tournament. A life worth taking with my natural suicidal tendencies. And by taking lives, I mean my opponents. This is my second chance. This is my second chance to make it to round two in this tournament. This time will be a little different. I'm not going to lie down for any of these dumbasses in this match. I plan on winning and none of them can stop me."

[Evil James has a somewhat psychotic look on his face at this point. His eyes are filled with hate and evilness as well which makes him seem even more menacing.]

"Now I have multiple opponents this week. Harley Cain, Spike Saunders, Adrien Cochrane, Eric Thompson, Bryan Dawkins, The Sergeant, Jake Phoenix, Showtyme, JJ Nickels, Doofus Ryan, and Felicia Hart."

"Some of them are impressive, some are not. Some are favorites whereas others are underdogs. But one thing is for certain. NO ONE wants me to win this match. People have no faith in me, no confidence in me. It almost seems as if no one has any respect for me. It seems like people just could care less about me or just hate me in general because I don't do things the way they do. I don't need anyone to tell me how much I suck. People have told me that for years. They've tormented me for YEARS. A long time ago people took a **** on my career and it's spiraled downhill ever since. Well guess what, NO MORE!"

[Evil James takes off his suit jacket and throws it across the room. His face is turning red and he is starting to look like a crazed, rabid madman.]

"Let me tell you this. I could care ****ing less if anyone wants me to win or not. I will steamroll over these fools and none of them will see it coming. I mean seriously, how the hell can I lose to some of these people? Doofus Ryan? What the **** kind of name is that? Showtyme? PLEASE. I could come up with a better stage name than that while sitting on the toilet taking a **** while reading the newspaper. The Sergeant? Dude, I saw him wrestle Hogan back in 1991. There's no ****ing way he's winning this thing. Hey Sergeant, where's the General? Did he go back to Iraq? Did he help hide the WMD's?"

"Seriously though, the ratings for this match will be so high, Snoop Dogg will show up to watch just because he thinks there will be chronic. And speaking of chronic, some of my opponents are clearly on it considering that they think they will win this thing. To be honest, I've seen more talent from a penis in a porno movie."

[He gets an "evil" smirk on his face so to speak upon saying these words. He's clearly having fun with this instigator role and continus to go with it.]

"Everyone else in this match is trying to get into the promised land. And by the promised land I mean getting into vagina. Although I think some of them swing both ways. Sometimes they feel like a nut, sometimes they don't. I deal with that all the time with AXEL Action. He'll **** anything but he seems to prefer farm animals and trees."

[Some laughter from various Church members behind the camera makes the scene feel somewhat like the Jabba's Palace scene from Star Wars, Episode VI: Return of the Jedi where Princess Leia is outed for saving Han Solo. The evil laughter is kind of creepy but then again this is the Church of the Unholy and they kill for fun.]]

"Speaking of farm animals, Ace Mason, you gave me a helluva first round match. You almost got rid of me in this tournament. You came SOOOOOOO close, but not close enough. I have a second chance in this and I hope to see you again in the later rounds. Jason Payne and Superstar ****ed up and gave me another shot at this thing. Now it's my chance to make it to round two yet again."

[He starts slapping himself in the face to get himself psyched up for this.]

"And I will do ANYTHING to win this match. I will make people bleed. I will commit acts of human sacrifice to Lord Tioneb in order to win this tournament for him. This is all for my Lord and Master. My 'God' will walk upon this Earth yet again and no one can stop it from happening. None of my eleven opponents can stop it. None of them can stop the dark cloud of the Abyss from rising up and unleashing the minions of Hell when the end time comes. But that time is sooner than you think and I fully intend on creating Hell on Earth by the end of this year."

[He has a devilish smile on his face now.]

"Also the fact that I am hungry will help me. The hungriest animal is always the one that is the most deadly. I am a deadly animal. I am psychotic. I want blood. I will destroy ANYONE and I mean ANYONE who gets in my way."

[Evil James starts taking off his pants and throws them down to the floor! He has on UNHOLY black boxer shorts on with pentagrams and demons on them. He then starts to strut around and then elbows the pants on the floor! He then gets up and starts challenging the camera to a fight!]

"COME ON! I WANT SOMEONE TO TRY AND STOP ME! Nobody has any confidence in me. NOBODY! So this is what I'm going to do. I am going to kick all your asses. YEAH! All your bases are belong to ME!"

[Evil James now takes his shirt off and is only wearing his boxers now. He starts challenging the camera to a fight again.]

"BRING IT! I want to see someone bring out the best in me like Mason did. I want to show the people that Evil James is the most bad ass mother ****er on the planet. I don't need people trying to tell me that I'm not going to make it. I don't need people putting me down. I don't need people to put me down. They've been doing that for years. Now it's time for my REVENGE!"

[He challenges the camera again.]

"BRING IT ON! I'll kick all your asses!"

"I WANT THE BEST FROM YOU! BRING IT ON! BRING IT!"

[Evil James then punches the camera and everything fades to black.]

The End

 

[ShowtymeXCW]

"Great. Another freakshow."

[We fade in as Showtyme is enjoyng a beautiful afternoon, outside on his deck. It's a pretty standard day for a not so standard athlete as Showtyme relaxes, shirtless, letting his body get a tan the natural way. He's way to cool for tanning beds. He sips on his refreshing Ice Tea.]

Showtyme: "How many cats like this have I came across in my days?"

[Beside Showtyme is once again Alex Tyler. Who unlike Showtyme has his shirt on, thankfully, and infact is still wearing a complete suit. Sport jacket and all.]

Alex Tyler: "I lost count somewhere inbetween Eric Draven and Mr. Insano."

Showtyme: "Worst of all is their all the same. Its always 'BLAH! I Hate the World! I want blood! I will sacrifise my opponent to my unrealistic God! I love pain! I can only talk by screaming! DEATH!' Of course. I'm just paraphrasing."

Alex Tyler: "Sounds about right."

Showtyme: "Although, this one in particular. Evil James. He caught my attention."

Alex Tyler: "Oh he's good?"

Showtyme: "No. He's just frucking retarded."

Alex Tyler: "Oh..."

Showtyme: "Wait no. That would be disrespectful to the real mentally handicapped and would probably insult them."

Alex Tyler: "That bad?"

Showtyme: "Look, I'm not one to stoop to the desperation of bashing people because of a name. I mean, if I had a nickel for everytime I got the 'Showtyme? Thats a lame stage name.' routine...."

Alex Tyler: "Continue..."

Showtyme: "Well I was going to say I'd be rich, but I already am."

Alex Tyler: "Touch'e"

Showtyme: "My point being, Evil James bashes names such as Showtyme and Sergeant, but boasts his name Evil James proudly. I wrestled an evil James once."

Alex Tyler: "Really now?"

Showtyme: "Yeah. Back when I was eleven and we all thought it was a lame name and just kicked him off the trampoline."

Alex Tyler: "That sounds mean."

Showtyme: "Speaking of mean, he mentioned something about penises and pornos."

Alex Tyler: "Gross."

Showtyme: "Yeah. Like I said. He's a first. He's a dark individual who hates everyone and everything. Except one thing.... Dick."

Alex Tyler: "Just don't let him do any German Suplexes on you."

Showtyme: "I'll keep that in mind."

[The two share a laugh as Showtyme sips his Tea. Alex Tyler picks up his Appleteeny and takes the slightest sip, causing that noise that drives you nuts after hearing it for longer than three seconds. He puts the drink back down, and Showtyme is staring at him in a look of disappointement.]

Alex Tyler: "What? It's a good drink."

Showtyme: "I'll take your word on it. I've never seen that drink in a guy's hand. Might as well be drinking a glass full of cum.... Share it with Evil James."

Alex Tyler: "How about we discuss the rest of the opponents."

Showtyme: "I hate this match."

Alex Tyler: "Why's that?"

Showtyme: "I go from fighting one guy I don't know anything about, to wrestling nearly a dozen. Hard to prepare for something like that."

Alex Tyler: "So what ARE you going to do to prepare?"

Showtyme: "Probably, sit back here and relax. Get a good tan, maybe go cruise the street, then make my way back up north for the show."

Alex Tyler: "Sounds... intense?"

Showtyme: "Oh very intense. But there's really nothing to worry about."

Alex Tyler: "... Elaborate for me."

Showtyme: "Well I went nose to nose with one of the best TEAM has ever seen. Sure he won, he capitalized on a very rare mistake from me and took advantage. Vet's do that. Vet's also know how to maintain their cool and know that a loss is not a big deal. If you spend your entire career worrying about the next loss you're going to get, then more times than not, that loss is going to come quickly, and then its going to continue to happen. It's an ugly cycle I've seen to alot of promising young athletes."

Alex Tyler: "Sounds brutal."

Showtyme: "Oh it is. I look up and down the list of opponents I have this weekend, and I see alot of young arrogant faces. Alot are like me just a few years ago. And now I fight all of them in a battle royal."

Alex Tyler: "It's going to be tough."

[Showtyme finishes off his glass of Ice Tea.]

Showtyme: "Ready for me to go historical and philosophical on your ass?"

Alex Tyler: "Go for it."

Showtyme: "Back in Ancient Roman times, battle royals would take place and it was basically every man for himself in a fight for the death. Literally. Decapitation was the norm in these brutal brawls. A battle royal is Notorious for being the most brutal and disturbing form of warfare. The winner of a battle royale would always become either rich, famous, or both. Different prizes would be given depending on when and where it was. Anything from a King's daughter, to farmland, to money, to the posessions of the man you killed were possible 'trophies' for winning a battle royale."

Alex Tyler: "Been doing research?"

Showtyme: "Actually no. See unlike most wrestlers, I am very knowledgable."

Alex Tyler: "So if those were the trophies in this Battle Royal, which would you want?"

Showtyme: "Definetly don't want to King's Daughter. I saw her walking around the arena last week, and I'm pretty sure she is innocent and pure. And by innocent I mean a whore, and by pure I mean covered in crabs and full of ghonaria."

Alex Tyler: "Stay away from that."

Showtyme: "I'm not much of a farmer so the land would be worthless to me. And by looking at my opponents, I wouldn't really want any of the posessions of them. Although I hear Alicia Hart has a camera full of pictures of a wild night out. Could be a promising trophy there. But not enough. So I guess the money."

Alex Tyler: "But don't you have enough money?"

Showtyme: "You can never have enough."

Alex Tyler: "Point taken."

Showtyme: "I feel good about this though. Right now I feel comfortable. Like I always was in the xCw. In this match, after what everyone witnessed, I'm expected to win. My name is known. Hell I was the match of the night! People know who Showtyme is. And that was what Step one in my plan was."

Alex Tyler: "What's step two?"

Showtyme: "Win. I'm taking this tournament, one match at a time. I made the rare mistake of looking ahead of Troy Douglas. Now he sits comfortably, preparing for a second round match, while I still have to fight just to get into the second round. So I'm keeping all my focus on the borderline flamer known as Evil James, Alicia Hart, James Varga, JJ Nickels, and the others in this match. And of course... the impossible task of getting you laid."

Alex Tyler: "I have a wife!"

Showtyme: "Doesn't mean you're getting any. I'm gonna make a phone call. I know this girl. She's brazilian."

Alex Tyler: "NO!"

Showtyme: "Come on. She invented this new technique. She calls it the Hawaiian Punch!"

[Showtyme gets up and heads inside, for what we presume is the phone. Alex Tyler takes one last sip of his Appleteeny and scurries out of his chair to stop Showtyme.]

[End]