[ORLANDO] (5) Adrien Cochrane vs. (12) Dr. Tittylover

[TH]

First round match held at the Moody Coliseum in Dallas, TX on Southern Methodist University's campus.

RP deadline is 3/17/08, 11:59:59 PM EDT, give or take a second. No RP limit. One fall to a finish. All other regular rules apply.

 

[viciousbuddha]

The taping for REBELS "Defiance" DVD has just completed and it's been a hell of a night. We saw everything from the changing of two championships to shocking turns. Maybe the most bizarre moment of the night had to be when the notorious Dr. Tittylover, part time wrestler - full time PIMP, helped the team of Mike "Assman" Trey & Stone Zellor win the REBEL Tag Titles. Why did Tittylover help Zellor and Trey win? Is Tittylover finally making his return to wrestling? Why are Tittylovers pants so damn tight? All questions the REBEL fans want answers to.

We catch up to Dr. Tittylover backstage. He's smoking a funky smelling "cigarette" and attempting to keep a low profile. It's tough though as he's wearing tight black leather pants, snake skin boots, a fishnet shirt and a zebra print fedora. What can you say? The man has style! Rob Martinez, the head announcer for all REBEL shows walks over to Tittylover with a camera crew in tow. This smells like an interview.

Rob: Dr. Tittylover! Can I get a few words?

Tittylover: Sure. How about - Midget, Soap & Cow Rectums?

Rob: Not exactly the words I wanted to get. Or even hear. I wanted to ask about....

Tittylover: Why I helped Assman and Stone win them tag titles?

Rob: Uh, nope.

Tittylover: Oh.

Rob: I wanted to ask you about your participation in the upcoming TEAM Tourney.

Tittylover looks bewildered.

Rob: You...Do know you're in the tournament right?

Tittylover: Um, sure.

Rob: You'll be facing the number five seed in "The Dream Breaker" Adrien Cochrane in the Southern Methodist University's campus of Dallas.

An awkward silence. Rob glances at the camera and Tittylover grins showing off his platinum grill.

Tittylover: Methodist you say?

Rob: Yes.

Tittylover laughs.

Tittylover: They gonna let ME wrestle?

Rob: Oddly enough....Yes.

Tittylover: I knew them Methodists were aiight. They just need some pimp juice and a fine hoe to make 'em relax. Who am I facin' again?

Rob: Adrien Cochrane.

Tittylover: Holy sh*t! The guy that got OJ off? I thought that ***** was dead!

Rob: No not Johnny Cochrane, ADRIEN Cochrane. He's seeded number five in the tourney.

Tittylover: Heh, my seed is number one with the ladies if you get my drift.

Rob: Thanks for the terrible visual. Now about Adrien, I've done some scouting and I have a full report on him.

Tittylover: Him? Some dude is named "Adrien?"

Rob: He's calls himself "The Dream Breaker"

Tittylover snickers. What a stupid name.

Rob: He's from New Orleans, Louisiana.....

Tittylover: WOOOOOOOOOO! I love me some creole girls! They got them cornbread fed asses.

Rob: Uh, he's 6'5 and 207 lbs....

Tittylover does a double take.

Tittylover: Damn! What is he? Like a scarecrow? I'm the same height and have 33 pounds on him!

Rob: Uh, actually you have 43 pounds on him.

Tittylover: Well whatever. He's still skinny as hell! Is he one of them people who don't eat meat? I don't trust those people.

Rob: And he's rumored to have issues with his back.

Tittylover: Well hell, tell his boyfriend not to lean on him so much.

Rob: I don't think that's why....

Tittylover snatches the microphone away from Rob.

Tittylover: Yo I got dis. You just stand over there, no further, yeah right there is good, and I'll tell you about this Adrien cat.

Tittylover clears his throat and starts his rant.

Tittylover: Adrien, you gonna lose baby! I'm da Mad PIMP. The Notorious Tittylover. You? You're just some skinny white guy with a girls name. Are you man enough to withstand my "Bootzilla?" Nope. Can you handle my "Mothership Connection?" Hell to the naw. In a way, I'm glad these fools at TEAM rated you so high. Heh, I said "High." Oh, I'm glad you're rated so high. That way, when I beat you, TEAM and everyone in it will know that I'm comin' to win. I'm comin' to get that....

Tittylover looks to someone off screen. A hushed mumble.

Tittylover: That's it? I don't win like a million dollars or some sh*t? Oh well, I'll still show up in Dallas and give you a meaty dose of "The Flyin' PIMP!" That sayin' about "once you go black you never go back?" It's gonna be true after you face me. Cause once I pin that skinny ass of yours, you'll never ever wanna face a pissed off black man again. PIMPS UP HOES DOWN!!!! I wanna gove a shout out to Re Re and Teabag who...

Rob appears back in camera frame and wrestles the microphone away from Tittylover.

Rob: Good luck Tittylover! We'll be, give me the damn mic, rooting for you!

The camera shakes and cuts to black.

After the interview has concluded, Dr. Tittylover makes his way to a nearby dressing room. He opens the door and storms inside. After going through other peoples bags a faint voice catches his attention.

Voice: You can't win Henry.

Tittylover spins around, a snarl on his lips.

Tittylover: That's not my name.

Voice: Yes it is. You're Henry Thomas and for the last eight years you've paraded around in this get up and made a fool of yourself.

Tittylover: (shaking his head) No. They love me. YOU love me.

A beat.

Voice: I HATE you. I don't know where you came from but I'm going to make sure that I'll do all I can to get rid of you. Once and for all.

Tittylover suddenly smiles.

Tittylover: I seeeeeee you. *****.

Tittylover walks across the dressing room, shoves away some hanging shirts and looks at his reflection in the mirror. Only the reflection is not of him. It's of Dr. Henry Thomas. The man who eight years ago vanished from sight, leaving only The Mad PIMP in his place.

Tittylover: You're not real.

Voice: No. You're the one who bubbled up from inside me and destroyed everything. You ruined our career, our marriage and even skipped the...

Tittylover slaps his hands over his ears.

Tittylover: YOU'RE NOT REAL!!!!

With a kick the mirror shatters into a million pieces......And the voice is silent.

Tittylover: (quietly) You ain't never gettin' this body back baby. It's mine.

- and scene! -

 

[Adrien Cochrane]

He Learned from the Best

Location: St. Bernard, Louisiana
Date and Time: 5:00 AM, March 13<SUP>th</SUP>, 2008

BEEP!! BEEP!! BEEP!! BEEP!!

[An arm flings towards the clock to turn it off. The clock reads five o’clock AM. The man sits up, wiping his eyes.]

Man: Ah, is it morning already?

[He grabs his cell phone on his night stand next to his bed, looks at it, and puts it back down. The man then stretches, as he gets out of the bed. He steps into the bathroom in the room, brushes his teeth, and gargles a mouthful of Listerine. He grabs a bottle of hair gel and spikes his blonde hair. The man then walks out of his room. By this time, he is fully dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a plain black t-shirt. He walks into his kitchen and turns his stove on and puts a pan on it. He reaches in the cabinet above the stove and grabs a can of Pam to spray on the pan. He also has a pancake mix next to him. After a few minutes, another man walks into the kitchen.]

Second Guy: Morning, Adrien.

[The first guy, who is now obviously Adrien Cochrane, leaps in surprise. He turns around and sees the other guy.]

Adrien: Holy crap! Are you trying to give me a freaking heart attack, Charlie?! When the hell did you get here?!

[Charlie smiles and looks at the pancake mix.]

Charlie: Pancakes for breakfast?

[Adrien, still catching his breath, pours the batter on the pan for the first pancake.]

Adrien: Yeah. I’ll make you a plate. What are you doing here? I haven’t seen you in years.

[Charlie laughs.]

Charlie: Man, I have to make sure you aren’t screwing your life over. However, I hear you have it made. Big wrestling star, successful rock band, more money than God...

Adrien: Well, yeah, but...

Charlie: So it seems like I have taught you right.

[Adrien scratches his head.]

Adrien: What did you teach me again?

[Charlie laughs again.]

Charlie: Everything you know!

[Adrien scratches his head again.]

Adrien: You did?

Charlie: Of course. You see, had it not been for me, you would still be some little punk kid living on the streets.

Adrien: ...How again?

[Adrien puts the first batch of pancakes on a plate next to him. He pours more batter in the pan for another one.]

Charlie: I turned you into who you are. The whole "sneaking up on people" and "pulling pranks"...has my name written all over it.

Adrien: ...So let me get this straight...you create my whole prankster persona, yet you claim to be responsible for both my wrestling and music career?

Charlie: Affirmative.

[Adrien rubs his chin.]

Adrien: I don’t see it. I will admit that I did learn everything about pranking people from you and how mysterious I am comes from you...obviously with how you snuck into my house and slept in my guest bedroom...but I don’t see how that affects my career and
wealth. You didn’t teach me how to play guitar or how to wrestle.

[Charlie laughs at Adrien yet again.]

Charlie: Of course you don’t see it. You’re blinded so much by your success that you don’t see that I am the man behind it all.

[Adrien is now laughing. He places the second batch of pancakes on another plate.]

Adrien: Whatever, man! Did you hear about that TEAM tournament?

Charlie: No, not familiar with it...then again, I hardly watch anything wrestling that doesn’t involve my old childhood friend. Enlighten me.

Adrien: Well, a place called TEAM, I forget what it stands for, has this little tournament for people from all parts of the wrestling world to compete against each other. I signed up as well as my tag team partner. You remember him, don’t you?

Charlie: Yeah...what was his name again...Dan...Don...Dane...

Adrien: Dean.

Charlie: Yeah! Dean Hobkirk! The British guy!

Adrien: Yeah, so let’s see how long I can go before getting eliminated.

[Charlie laughs.]

Charlie: Still have that humility down pact I see. So, is who’s your opponent?

Adrien: Oh, you’ll like this! His name is Dr. Tittylover.

[Both chuckle.]

Charlie: So has he run his mouth yet?

[Adrien nods.]

Adrien: And the things he said...hilarious. First off, he must of dug up some really old stuff on me because he called me The Dream Breaker. I haven’t had that nickname in years.

Charlie: Hahaha! Wow.

Adrien: Then he started about my weight and height. I guess he has never heard of a cruiserweight. Then he named a bunch of reasons why I am going to lose. I just keep thinking to myself, why is it every time a wrestler is in a match, they go on a trash talking spree. I mean, they do realize you can say whatever you want and it doesn’t make a slight bit difference when they step into that ring, right?

Charlie: Cockiness. Something I have taught you to stay away from.

[Adrien looks at Charlie with a raised eyebrow.]

Adrien: No, you didn’t!

[Adrien takes the last batch of pancakes and puts them on the last plate.]

Charlie: One...two...three....umm, Adrien. There is only two of us here. Why did you make three plates?

Adrien: I’m expecting company over in a minute.

Charlie: Who? Are you still seeing that Stephanie girl?

[Adrien nods. Charlie shrugs his shoulders.]

Charlie: Well, sorry for interrupting things.

[Adrien shakes his head and smiles.]

Adrien: Don’t worry. It’s nothing. Dean was supposed to make it too, but he canceled.

[Adrien grabs the three plates (two in one hand) and heads to the dining room, followed by Charlie. A few seconds after they turn the corner, a loud yelp is head.]

Charlie: YOUCH!! Where did this thumbtack come from?

Adrien: Haha, what can I say, I learned from the best.

 

[viciousbuddha]

ROCKY MOUNT, NC

The pad of one Dr. Tittylover can best be described as...PIMP. Satin sheets on the bed. Zebra print carpets. Lava lamps. If it's pimp, it's here. Speaking of all things pimp, two world class pimps are seated in the living room enjoying as bowl of...Well, it doesn't matter really. Dr. Tittylover is decked out in a tight pair of leather pants, snakeskin boots, and a tee shirt that reads "I Need Boobies STAT!" Sitting next to him on the couch is none other than the old school pimp Morris Day. Morris Day of course being the lead singer to The Time and having stared in such classics as "Purple Rain" & "Graffiti Bridge."

But what could these two pimps be chattin' about? Why TEAM matters of course! As they discuss the recent lame ass Adrien Cochrane promo, The Ohio Players play on the stereo (vinyl album *****es!"

Morris: So this guy, this what's his name again?

Tittylover: Cochrane, and naw man. It ain't the same brother who got OJ off for killin' them white people.

Morris: So this cracker does a promo...And he doesn't have no hoes in it?

Tittylover: Not one. But he did have that guy there. At breakfast.

They look at each other and snicker.

Morris: Fruity Booty!

Tittylover: That's just some nastiness. It's righteous for women to play on each others lawn, but guys? I get the shivers from it.

Morris: He was tryin' to dog you out pimp.

Tittylover takes a drag off his funny smelling cigarette and exhales smoke through his nostrils.

Tittylover: That sh*t wasn't nuthin'. He's all mad cause I called him a tall skinny white boy. Now I know you ain't familiar with rasslin' Morris but I ain't NEVA seen no damn cruiserweight who was six foot four.

Morris: Jerome! I need my mirror!

From another room Jerome rushes in and holds up a mirror in front of Morris Day. Morris makes sure his hair is PIMP and then looks over at his friend.

Morris: You need a look my brother?

Before he can answer, Jerome turns the mirror towards Dr. Tittylover.

Tittylover: I, uh....

The reflection in the mirror isn't that of Dr. Tittylover, it's that of Dr. Henry Thomas. Thomas is banging his fists against the glass.

Thomas: Let me OUT you freak! You can't keep me locked away forever! No matter what you tell yourself, you and I are the same damn person! I....

Tittylover shakes his head and smiles.

Tittylover: I don't need no mirror to know I'm sexy.

Morris: I hear that! Jerome! Go peel me some grapes!

Jerome scurries off like a good man servant.

Tittylover: This boy in the promo, he thinks this is a game. He thinks that this is all a joke. A thumbtack? Are you serious? This ain't Punk'd fool. This is for real. Hell, I wanna know how you got ranked higher than I did. You ain't nothin'. You're promo was weak.

Morris: It was K Fed Rappin' weak.

Tittylover: You don't see me makin' pancakes for my boyfriend do you? No, you see me bein' a stone cold pimp. Pimps need hoes, and Adrien, you're my next hoe. I'm gonna pimp that pretty boy ass out to wrinkled old men for $20 a pop. You claim to be a big rock star. A big time wrestler. It don't matter. After our match, you'll be another b*tch on the stroll.

Morris: School him homie.

Tittylover: You say I'm talkin' trash? I speak just the truth. You can try to deny it all you want but when our match is over, you'll be makin' me money and takin' moustache rides from old men.

Jerome returns with his plate of peeled grapes.

Tittylover: You two chill out, I need to train.

Jerome and Morris Day look shocked.

Morris: With weights?

Tittylover: Naw, strip club. Be back later pimps.

Morris: Hell, we comin with ya!

With that, the PIMPS make their way to the nudie bar.

- finish! -

 

[Adrien Cochrane]

Location: St. Bernard, Louisiana
Date and Time: 2:00 PM, March 16<SUP>th</SUP>, 2008

"So how long has it been? Four months?"

[The laughter of Adrien Cochrane fills the air.]

Adrien: Depends on what you’re talking about there, Stephanie.

[Adrien Cochrane is sitting in his 2008 Chevy Malibu with his girlfriend, Stephanie Armstrong. They are parked in her driveway. Stephanie laughs.]

Stephanie: Okay, whatever. Well, I had a great time today. You’re still going to pick me up tonight?

[Adrien lowers his sunglasses to look her in they eye.]

Adrien: You know it. I’ll see you tonight.

[Adrien kisses Stephanie on the cheek. She smiles, gets out the car, and disappears behind her front door. Adrien puts the keys in the ignition and starts the car. He looks in the rear view mirror and smiles.]

Adrien: God, I love life.

[Adrien turns on his car mp3 player, and "Come Out and Play" by the Offspring begins to play. Adrien begins to drive. After about a minute passes, the song is cut off by a phone ring.]

Voice: Adrien?

Adrien: Speaking.

Voice: Where are you?

[Adrien lets out a sigh of disbelief.]

Adrien: Charlie, don’t tell me you are still at my house...

[The voice, perceptibly Charlie, laughs.]

Charlie: Ok, I won’t tell you that I am still at your house.

[Adrien shakes his head.]

Adrien: ...And when were you planning on going home?

Charlie: I will tonight. But I just wanted to tell you about that Dr. Tittylover. He just popped up on that TEAM channel you told me to watch to get a grasp of the tourney. He’s talking again.

Adrien: I don’t even want to know.

Charlie: Are you sure? I mean, he is...

Adrien: Yeah, I’m sure. You know how I feel about trash talking.

Charlie: But you may want to do something about it. He seems to be watching your every move. He mentioned about seeing us eating breakfast yesterday.

Adrien: Ah, leave him be. He isn’t hurting anyone.

Charlie: But seriously, where are you? I need a ride home.

[Adrien sighs.]

Adrien: What happened to your car?

Charlie: Long story. Let’s just say that potato oil and gas don’t mix.

[Adrien rolls his eyes.]

Adrien: I just passed the Burger King on Judge Perez Drive. I’ll be home in about five minutes. When I get there, I expect your stuff packed and ready to leave. Capiece?

Charlie: Okay.

[Adrien hits the button on his steering wheel to turn off the phone.]

Adrien: God, do I have weird friends...