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Not ... THE ROBE!


New member
Jul 8, 1998
Sierra Vista, Arizona
{As the scene opens up the shot shows ‘Good God’ Kevin Powers standing next to a billiard table with cue stick in hand looking out towards the playing field. The opponent is ‘Mr. Main Event’ Rob Sampson and so far he is up two games to one.)

RS: Damn Kevin (sinking in the eight ball making it three games to one) I beat ya again!

KP: (laughing) Yeah, yeah I guess you did. I guess the next round is on me. (Looking towards the camera) Hey Nate how about you take this cash and you go get us another round.

(Nate Logan, behind the camera, reaches out his right hand and takes the cash.)

NL: Wait … why I gotta get the drinks?

KP: Why not? You see we’re playing a game and you’re holding that damn camera as if you wanna keep this momentous occasion for your human highlight reels.

NL: (laughing) Just call it reality TV big man cause you never know when the moment will strike.

KP: Well then put the camera down and get the drinks cause I would HATE for you to spill them.

(Logan sets the camera down with the lens catching Powers and Sampson in its sight.)

KP: You know … I just thought of something.

RS: (lining up his shot) What’s that?

KP: What if Logan gets beat by Cruise at Prime Time?

(Sampson suddenly drops the stick and looks down for a moment before he, and Powers, laugh up a storm.)

RS: YEAH RIGHT! That’s like saying I’ll lose to Bobby Jackson!

KP: Man if you two lose to them you’ll NEVER hear the end of it because I can name COUNTLESS times that I …

(Before Powers can finish Logan comes back with the drinks laughing up a storm.)

NL: Guys you ain’t gonna believe this!

(Logan points to one of the TV screens in the establishment and the screen shows Lance Liezure, CSWA wrestling star, cutting a promo in his bathrobe.)

KP: (laughing) OH HELL NO! You’ve got to be kidding me! In his bathrobe? Did he get lessons on how to cut promos from Radder? He does the towel covering his bird chest thing and now Lance does this? (looks up into the sky) Lord why … OH WHY … do they do this to me!

RS: (laughing) Maybe it’s because you’re special to them.

KP: (evil smirk) Quiet you fool … Logan get that camera. It’s human highlight reel time.

(Logan grabs the camera and points it towards Powers.)

KP: Well if it isn’t Jessie’s girl himself … Lance ‘The Back Alley Bitch’ Liezure. Mr. Boy Band himself. How ya doin’ little man? How good it was to see that you … dressed up and cut such a marvelous promo! And, after all you said, after all you huffed and puffed out … I STILL don’t take you seriously! Not as a threat … not as a worthy opponent … not even as a human being. Maybe I think of you as a serious BITCH, but we would have to question Jessie about that now wouldn’t we?

I’m just curious, but did it make you feel good to name off those people just to put me down? Did it make you feel high and mighty to name people that you think I might NOT know? Good God where have I been? I thought The Beatles were somebody. Maybe who? THE WHO? I thought they were somebody. The Rolling Stones? I’m willing to bet that Keith Richards is rolling around in his grave right now because you didn’t mention his name … (switches to a British accent) And the bloody guy isn’t even dead yet! (back to normal) Man … I don’t know a THING. I’m totally lost! I don’t know bands. I can’t figure out why Lance always holds a drumstick in his hand shaking it in every promo. And why he runs like a scared little whore when his dominatrix Cassie screams for him!

Sad to say she picked out what pants for you to wear didn’t she? Oh yeah … you were wearing a robe … how pathetic.

But, back to the subject … Lance the Hermaphrodite, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and I’ll even say it in which you’ll understand. ‘Too Scared’ is gonna crash your boy band practice session and beat you like the schoolgirl that you are. If your man Jessie gets in the ring he’ll get slapped down too just so I can hear you cry even more. And, after I’m done with you, you’ll lose that exclusive contract to Tiger Beat magazine because you’ll have too many bruises, scars, cuts, and still nothing will nothing will cover up that mushroom tattoo that Jessie gave ya on the center of your forehead!

(Laughter can be heard from Sampson and Logan so much that Logan can’t seem to hold the camera.)

KP: (laughing) Come on hold that damn thing right. Liezure might think he’s having a seizure. Tell ya what Lance. Before you get to Orlando you go to Paris and you find the gravesite for Jim Morrison. Dig his ass up and ask him if you have any chance in HELL against The Double G KP. And then, when he reaches back with his dead hand and slaps the holy TERROR out of you remember this … pay yo respects to the dead! (holding up his right arm and making his hand into a fist) Long live ICP!

RS: (From the background) Oh God …

KP: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyway Lance, tell Cassie to give your manhood back and try to impress me with a REAL promo because what you did …


Now turn that damn thing off because it is your turn. I’m TIRED of playing this cheatin’ bum!

RS: You’re just pissed off because you got beat … AGAIN! (laughing) Damn … choke at wrestling and choke at pool.

KP: (laughing) Shaddup … assjack.

(All three are laughing as the camera cuts off.)

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