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Pressure Chief
Jan 1, 2000

(FADEIN: The Exterior of the WILLARD INTERCONTINENTAL HOTEL, Washington, DC, 12:27pm, Beginning of December. We can see the White House just down the road, peeking out behind this majestic building. There is a THICK snow falling, a hushed, muted calm over the grey-lined cityscape as we hear some cars beeping and the spinout-sounds of wheels trying to gain traction in the inches-heavy snowfall below.)

(CUTTO: Interior shot of the WILLARD ROOM, an opulent dark wood room with low hanging chandeliers which has been setup with a few rows of chairs, and then several rounds of 8 in the background, with a now-gone buffet spread towards the back, several older men in white service coats stand at attention near the wall. There’s not a LOT of press here - as DC is in the middle of a shut-down from the storm. At the front of the room is a podium displaying the WILLARD crest on the front, inbetween two indoor trees with small lights wrapping through them, and the rest of the room setup with modest holiday decor - white and maroon. Several of the reporters mumble to themselves as one guy keeps brushing out his hair with his hands - shaking snow onto the floor. A servant still in the shot curls his lip in disgust, looking at his now-damp floor. Silent snow rolls past the huge bay windows.)

(After a beat, FIONA LOVE, NFW Vice President of Marketing and Promotions appears, wearing a green knee-length dress with knee-high black wedge boots, and a matching black pashmina scarf that is wrapped and layered several times down to her ribcage, new glasses and some sparkly jewelry on her wrist. Off to the side we see the MINTERN again, LOVE’S assistant who nervously fumbles with a blackberry, and then she puts that down and starts swiping through a Galaxy Note tablet, then switches again! She shrugs at LOVE, who makes a sour face back and addresses the room.)

LOVE: “Thank you for coming. I am Fiona Love, and I am very happy to welcome you to the warm confines of the Willard Hotel for this post-event Pressconference. As you know, President Mayfield will not be taking questions, but you’ll find on your seats packets we have prepared for you which may answer any lingering queries, and also your press info for RANDOM RUMBLE, which will be held next month in Chicago, Illinois. (The SNOWHAIR guy, looks left to right, then lefts a buttcheek up, revealing a wet presentation folder! He audibly groans as the guys next to him shake their heads) So without further filler, please welcome to the podium, President Dennis Edward Mayfield.”

(The crowd mumbles and makes noise, and some photogs lean in for some flicks as MAYFIELD appears through double doors, held open by NFW SECRET SERVICE, MAYFIELD is wearing a crisp charcoal grey suit with a purple tie and purple polka-dotted pocket square and a full-on red beard, the return of his “Yukon Cornelius” look that we saw last night at RELOADED. He gives a hard stare at the MINTERN, who quickly scurries out of the room!)

MAYFIELD: (nodding) “Thanks for showing up, those of you who got Unstuck long enough to make your way over to this hotel, which with thanks to the great staff, have accomodated us for a little while more than what we were planning. Our plans to return back to HQ in New York didn’t quite work out, as some ‘Logistical’ things made our NFW “Rodimus Prime” executive bus arrive in the WRONG TOWN, and then (laughs and shakes his head) here we are in a blizzard. I gotta pay that guy overtime AND we’re stuck here until the roads clear up. AWESOME. (Some reporters chuckle) But I’ve had a lot worse than digs like this. So I want to get to some points from last nights’ show and make a few announcements, then after that we can all have cocoa. (SNOWGUY nods happily!)”

“So first up, is which looks like the formation of a new group of dudes made out of the machinations of (makes airquotes) NFW COMMISSIONER, Peter Windham. Yunno, people keep asking me, ‘Eddie - is Problem Child REALLY the Commissioner?’ And I have to say kinda yes and no? Well, YES, in that I’ve given Peter Windham a HAIR of responsibility, and some airtime on our programming, which he keeps filling with self-serving promos and showcases with his Biffle, Lance Cash. (LOVE makes noise) LANE CASH. Right. So last night we saw the emergence of that kid from UWA and they really put in work against Kerry Kuroyama, and… I had to say I ENJOYED THAT. (rumbling) I mean at the end of the day, I wouldn’t have written the HEEL BIBLE if I didn’t enjoy seeing a guy get stomped into a nice Shiraz, so … I guess I’m saying welcome to NFW, Fat Kid, and Peter Windham is totally responsible for his contract. Good luck with that. And also, speaking of Windham, since Peter keeps getting good marks with me, I’ve gone ahead and given him something special that I’ll announce shortly.”

“Also, I’d like to address the events that happened with the Hellfire Club on Hollywood’s on Fire, where Blaine Hollywood and Dorchester Stratton flipped the script and put the hurt on their boy JJ DeVille. (Smirks then it vanishes) I just have to say . . . BRAVO. BULLY BULLY on that. MASTERFUL way to kick a guy who’s head is in traction . . . IN SAID HEAD. That’s a triple-heel-score right there, guys. But here’s the serious news - JJ DeVille is now laid up post-surgery in an ICU unit somewhere around here in DC, and I’m not exactly sure where the Hellfire Club stands, but I want to say as the President of this company, JJ had no business out there in the first place in his condition. JJ, YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF. You swim with sharks (smiles!) YOU MAY GET YOUR HEAD BIT CLEAN OFF YOUR SHOULDERS. Now, this isn’t to say that I’m co-signing that (but I DID enjoy watching it) - but the fact remains that at the end of the night, Jack Harmen is STILL NFW World Champion, and Dorchester? (looks down at his watch) I think you have some belt defending of your own to do… so at BRAWL 70, at the Scottrade Center in St. Louis, I am demanding that Dorchester Stratton defend the Television title that night. (Noise! EDDIE nods) That’s right - the Television title is one of the most storied titles in the world, and I’m turning the heat up on the Hellfire Club - Dorch, get your chick off of your lap and tell her to find you an opponent - I’ll be watching, and If I don’t like what she digs up? If she brings some weaksauce to St. Louis to face you? You’re gonna HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME.”

“Also in other news, We saw a HELLUVA MATCH as Castor Strife and that other guy, Stryfe with a ‘Y’ tear down the place in a cage match, but that finish was kinda dubious and I think the NFW UNIVERSE would agree that we’re not satisfied. So at BRAWL 71, at the BRAWLSTATE ARENA in Chicago, I am sanctioning a CHICAGO STREET FIGHT - The STRIVES better fight for their lives, because, and this is where it gets interesting: The WINNER of this match will get the NUMBER 30 slot in Random Rumble, and the LOSER gets the first! (Crowd explodes in chatter! EXPLOSIVE CHATTER!) These guys are going to give it ALL OR NOTHING, and I wanna see them put it ALL OUT THERE.”

“Oh, a few last things: RANDOM RUMBLE is upon us - next month at the UNITED CENTER, in Chicago - MAIN EVENT will be NFW World Champion JACK HARMEN verse JACK BRYANT. But also - the BIGGEST ALSO, is the Random Rumble match. There are 30 slots, and I just gave you two gimmies for entrants to the Rumble - and other entrants will be announced at BRAWL 70 - but I have a few tricks up my sleeve for you guys with names you already know about! We have the “WARP PIPE” Awarded to the “Fellowship” for defeating the Army of Darkness last night, made up of the Black Market and Teddy Alexander, which means that Leyenda De Ocho, Xavier Langston and the Chromatic Dragons get to come out of a green pipe 10 draws later the night of the Rumble - which gives them a great advantage that night. But before all of that, I said I had some news for Peter Windham - Pete, YOU DONE GOOD, and I’m going to reward you. Not only am I entering YOU YOURSELF into the Random Rumble, I’m giving you a GOLD STAR. I’m giving you another SLOT that you can do whatever you want with. So make it good. (MAYFIELD nods like he’s proud of himself) With that, Cojones Mercado is gonna meet me outside with some steel chairs, and we’re gonna go SLEDDIN’ right up to the white house, and see if I can catch a meeting with the BIG O, one Prez to another. Thanks for coming - stay dry, and Happy Holidays. I'm hoping you guys saw my Amazon wishlist - those Breaking Bad DVDs aren't gonna buy themselves!”

(FADEOUT as MAYFIELD steps down and leaves the room as the attendees get up to ask questions, SNOWDUDE stands up with papers stuck to his ass!)
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