NFW fears MANSON

[Manson]

((FADEIN: MICHAEL MANSON, in new "NFW FEARS MANSON" and "NFW EAST" ballcap and leather pants stradles a couch in the posh office space of the NFW EASTERN CONFERENCE located on a floor of CASTOR V STRIFE Productions Headquarters.))

MANSON: For awhile, I considered "The NFW is Mike Manson's *****", but then, I thought that strayed too far from the target demographic, but I believe the point remains the same. After all these years, all this hard work, the pez-eatin', grave-diggin', batmobile-ridin', lyin', cheatin', son of a *******ed ***** is the most feared man in all the industry.

Well, I was before, but after some serious thought, I'm glad all of you came out and just admitted it. It's great that so many of you finally got over all your ego and pride issues and admitted my superiority. I mean, I always knew it, sure, but for all of you to stand up together and acknowledge it as well, it's like I discovered the cure for cancer and am being rewarded.

Now finally, between my resposibilities as spokesperson for the EASTERN CONFERENCE, the premier conference and division in all of sports, I can finally get in the time to reprise my role on FOX's smash-hit, the OC as Ryan's streetwiser, cynical, older friend who once ran with his crew in-between stays at the mental ward.

There are those of who may be wondering what I'm talking about, as per usual, and I apparently have week 12 off. That would be because when the all went out, that the NFW competitors could cross the conference lines, that they could challenge anyone, that not one came forward to challenge Mike Manson.

You might ask, why then, Mike, why didn't YOU challenge anyone? Well, believe or not, I don't normally have to and by the time I made my way down to the NFW's east coast headquarters to talk up my co-worker Quentin Sullivan, most of the challenge card was full and no one had the courage or tenacity to step forward and ask for MICHAEL MANSON.

It's not about respect, because I'm used to disrespect, but right now, its the fear that gives me a warm feeling inside. And I can't say this is an unexpected occurance. CASTOR STRIFE and I threw open the doors to the NFW EAST to you all, to the whole world, to write your own destinies, to escape whatever tyranny in the form of the Seven Deadly Sins or Calvin Carlton were presenting. To think for yourselves and have the free hand that so many of you were complaining you lacked in the NFW.

And a few came forward, the NOT Jonathan Marx's, the Beau Michaels's, the select of the industry that have helped make the NFW EAST the ratings draw and financial success it is, and these men, along with my own considerable talents are why I say with confidence that the ULTRATITLE will reside within the EAST. In fact, because all of you were too afraid to even challenge the concept of the conference, I'd say we're run through you all like a surgeon's scalpel.

Yet, here you all your chance to come forward, prove me wrong, prove the entire NFW wrong, that MIKE MANSON is just a man, that he can beaten. That he can be overcome. That the NFW EAST is inferior to the NORTH, SOUTH, WEST, and MIDDLE-EARTH. Still, there were none of you.

((MANSON begins flicking his fingers as if he's speaking in quotes.))

I might be getting somewhat "insider" here, but were I "heel" or if I wanted to make a "turn", I'd have more than ample opportunity here to lord over all of you. It's not like I haven't declared myself "God" in the past. But no, I won't.

For the same reasons that despite the fact that I can award myself 500 points every week in the East and instead face fierce competition, the work must go on. I still have to win the ULTRATITLE. However, I feel the need to express my disappointment at all of you.

Of everyone in the business, only a former assassin who once almost crippled me with one of his friends can show the fortitude to challenge me.

I will let one person pass...and that's SHANE SOUTHERN because if it's not for the ULTRATITLE, it just wouldn't feel right to me. You all complain that this is written in stone, but you just wasted your chances.

HORNET, you were one of the ones in line to complain. We had a match and it didn't end satisfactorily for either of us....and surely you see that once you leave Carolina and enter the real word....that you aren't even fit to be my altar boy. You have this confusing thing where this guy named Merritt doesn't let you wrestle, but you show up long enough to bother everyone. You see, I think, it's because you're afraid to face me again, and that leaks down to everyone else. I noticed when you were so upset with CRAIG MILES, you never once vented against the only man in the NFW he called a friend. When you tried to put together your union, you never contacted me, knowing full well unless you were tattooed like Deniro in Cape Fear you wouldn't be my lawyer. For someone who is supposed to be such a legend, all I get from you is talk about ...well that you're a legend. I continue to be unimpressed.

Along with the rest of the refugees from the river of **** or whatever you call that quaint southern promotion you all enjoy....now EDDY LOVE..you might go on about being a southern dandy (though I happen to know that one of CASTOR's finest has that name trademarked and has more than one best-selling straight-to-video erotica male adventures under that title)..but this is the NFW..and if you ever wanted to be great, if you wanted to show the entire world that you are not afraid, you would have to beat me. You mention me offhanded, as if I didn't matter. But in the NFW, the world shakes to my touch. Remember that.

JOEY MELTON? Am I the one that has to point the really pathetic romantic/anti-romantic relationship you have with LINDSAY TROY that borrows every bad cliche from television history? We have cameras backstage, look at them. I realize you're getting on in years, but if you were this bad, you shouldn't have come to the NFW, and you shouldn't go back to Carolina. Go back to Florida where old people go to die. It seems the point of all this was to try to convince everyone that JEAN RABESQUE is straight. Like that worked.

SHAWN MATTHEWS has the never-ending quest to prove himself? Now I believe euthanasia has its benefits and I enjoy beating up the elderly as much as anyone (especially when I'm throwing quarters at them), but do you really think anyone in these parts care if you beat the two guys that have slowed down to the point that just about everyone beats them?

And the DEACON? Don't tell me God hasn't told you not to smite me down yet.

Moving on to the North....well..I didn't think I could be more disappointed in JONATHAN MARX..but he finds ways to even do that...

BLACK ROSE, you came closest, you put me on a list. But that's still burying me down deep. However, you get SOUTHERN and that's good enough, but don't forget that's my investment you're riding off on.

CHRISTIAN SANDS, you like to go off and claim you have wins over all the people that matter. Actually, you don't. I went off and maimed someone while you pinned my incest-bred tag team partner. There's a difference., you know what it is, but you don't do anything about it.

Your friend, DAN RYAN, is supposed to be a mighty champion type, yet he can't help but complain that the world wants to see MANSON versus SOUTHERN for the ULTRATITLE. Perhaps, Dan, if you were more like me and so inhuman and prideful that you're incapable of submitting, as you did in the WARGAMES, you would be somewhere in some epic match-up. You haven't done anything about it either way.

Don't remind me how many times I've slapped DC STRATTON around.

AVERY PROSSER and friends, I'm quite sure I'm high on your enemy list. Then again, most people would be wary of the man who held them at tankpoint. However, with the ULTRATITLE going through the EAST, your whole agenda is getting shut out. All the same, you haven't been able to touch me. The chance is gone now.

Most of you might wonder, why of all people, of all grapplers, would I single SHANE SOUTHERN? Because his deep moral fiber contrasts with my dark analogue of a soul? Because we are both NFW bred and produced stars? Because it is the actual battle between the top two men in the NFW and this industry? Because it should have been me at FUTURESHOCK getting a title shot instead of BLOODHUNT?

Good questions all and they also work as answers.

But keep in mind, I was the one who up, like a sniveling little servant, and handed SOUTHERN the NFW world title in the first place.

It's only right that I take something back.

And, apparently, none of you are willing to even try to stop me.

 

[Chad]

Manson Fears Pandas

Poor Mike. No one wants to play with him. So instead of realizing that it might be a clue that he needs to wash those leather pants he took straight off the cow, he decides to play a game of call-outs.

“For someone who is supposed to be such a legend…” Ever since I came to this God-forsaken place, I’ve talked about two things: facing the competition, and trying to hold NFW management, aka Craig Miles, accountable to their own rules.

But from you, we’ve constantly heard about your greatness. NFW Commissioner a la wheelchair. NFW World Champion who “gave” the title to Shane Southern in a moment of sympathy. Friend and confidante to Craig Miles, able to leap Satanic bonfires in a single bound.

Very impressive.

I’m sorry you’re so unimpressed with me. Unimpressed that I stepped into the “Splinter Cell From Manson’s Hell” match that you and Miles so graciously railroaded me into in my street clothes. And yet, even with everything in your favor… home court advantage, your own special match, and throwing it out as a last-minute surprise… you still couldn’t do anything but get me a little bloody, could you?

No, Manson, I think you’re scared that the world doesn’t “shake to your touch” anymore. You and Miles set everything up just the way you wanted for the match against me, but you still couldn’t get the job done, could you? Even after Craig made it very clear that he either wanted me in line or out of the NFW.

But I’m still here…and Craig’s not. Or is he?

Either way, Mike, maybe no one’s concerned with you because the most you can do is bring out a string of “Nots” and try to capitalize on a long-dead feud with a long-dead personality. I was just sorry there was no piano wire.

Maybe no one’s concerned because you can’t come up with new ideas anymore, Mike. Or don’t you remember that Joey Melton was ready to spring a new conference on the NFW long before the East was a glimmer in Craig Miles’ little eye.

Maybe no one’s concerned because you’re better at playing comic relief than you are champion. When the fans look at you Mike, they don’t see Michael Manson, NFW World Champion, they see Manson, Freak of Nature and Terror to Goats and Other Small Animals. That’s why you have to parade that defunct World Title belt around with you.

But I’m the one talking about my ‘legacy,’ right Mike? I’m not walking around with the CSWA US Title on my shoulder here. I haven’t pulled the original Unified Title out of the Merritt Auditorium trophy case, or even the individual-size ULTRATITLE from way back when, have I?

No… you want me to just be a used-up ‘legend.’ You’d love for me to just be that thirty-seven year old guy that we pull out for parties and squashes, but not for anything meaningful. I’ve spent the last 12, 24, 36, whatever weeks hearing it from you, or Matthews, or Douglas, or whoever else.

Sorry I can’t oblige. On any given night, Mike, I might not be the best Manson altar boy or the best Panda wrestler. I might not be the best comedian or woman-chaser or Canadian. I might not be the best hardcore, chair-wielding, Splinter Cell-fighting guy in the place. But on any given night, I can still be the best wrestler in the ring that the fans want to watch.

Any given night, Mike. Just don’t pick the wrong one.

For now, you keep working with the Panda. I’ll see you in the playoffs, after I knock off Southern.

 

[SouthernBoy]

{{...FADE-IN: SHANE SOUTHERN stands in front of an NFW backdrop...}}

SHANE SOUTHERN: " That's good Hornet ... you just basically repeated what I been sayin' for tha' past FIVE YEARS. While little Mikey likes ta' portrey himself as tha' fallen hero ... while he continually tries ta' push tha' fact that he's ah' "FACE" n' tha' fans like him ... most anybody with ah' lick ah' sense KNOWS exactly who Mike Manson is. "

" A joke. "

" I don't need ta' say it again, or I'll risk sounding like tha' broken record I'm hearin' from Mike. "

" What I DO wanna' say is this. ... stay tha' FU<BLEEP> outta' my business. While I have NO IDEA why you bought that tape off uv' Douglas, I don't CARE. You wanna' burn it n' be tha' big HERO? Fine. You wanna' put it on www.hornet.com and let people download it fer free, FINE. You wanna' use it as some sort ah' ploy ta' get in mah' head 'cause you KNOW tha' SOUTH could come down ta' me n' you? You go fer it Mister LEGEND, 'cause I've had enough of tha' <BLEEP> around here ta' last a lifetime. ... n' ta' be quite honest, I don't care anymore. "

" Tha' entire freakin' southern conferance, n' probably MOST of tha' NORTH hates me ... so what's ONE more name ta' add to tha' list? My career is hangin' by a hair, my relationship ain't in much better shape, ... my body is ah'bout ta' fall apart .... so don't THINK fer one second that I give ah' <BLEEP> ah'bout some blurry home video that every horney freak has probably already seen anyway. "

" If I cared, I'd ah' burried Aaron Douglas personally. "

" I've got ONE focus now Hornet, ... tha' Ultra-Title. I'm gonna' do what it takes ta' get it. No distractions, NO mercy. You can play yer games .... but Shane Southern is ah'bout ta' change ... this time, it's fer REAL ... "

" Party's Over. "

{{...FADE OUT...}}

 

[Manson]

I am Stereotype

((FADEIN: MICHAEL MANSON, in black NFW EASTERN CONFERENCE "Yes, We Are Stereotypes" t-shirt and black leather pants.))

MANSON: You see, Hornet, there seems to be some miscommunication between us. Remember when I was admonishing Jonathan Marx and not you came in and said about about Wildstar that neither of us understood? Well, apply that to what you just said about Joey Melton.

I seem to have to be the one that has to break this to you, but no one really cares about the CSWA, the SCWA, or the WACS here. You complain about making the NFW live up to its rules but you don't actually do anything about it, other than complain and no show.

While I have my own conference. To be honest, I don't really know or care about the ULTRATITLE lineage. I just know what it means now. That's why I want to win it, and not because I'm in some really bizarre struggler with a figurehead that's never seen around here and not because this is a mid-life crisis.

But to go around and claim I just repeat things....well......I've been around long enough to know that if I come out and actually call anyone on their shortcomings they can't resist but replying and feebily trying to insult me by saying no one takes me seriously or whatever you have in the long list of cliches.

If you had actually accomplished something in the NFW, and not something ten years ago somewhere else, perhaps you'd have more of a place to speak. However, you seem to not want to be here at all, so you should probably just leave. I'm sure as a lawyer you'd be more than able to find a way to do that. And leave the ULTRATITLE to those of us who don't have artifical body parts (well, not attached to me) and realize the world is so much larger than regional promotions and their pretensions.

((MANSON cracks his knuckles.))

Ah, Shane, Shane, I am well aware of your feelings regarding me. But other than the really odd voiceovers that follow you around nowadays, I don't hate you. No, I don't think that anyone in the North hates you either. I'd imagine that many in the South dislike you for just being in competition with them, but you haven't actually done that much to be hated.

You kicked a woman in the face accidentally?

Who among us hasn't?

There's a sex tape? Don't tell me the casting offers haven't been flooding your desk. I know for sure that Castor keeps calling.

Look at me, while the entire NFW might loathe my tactics, while I've assaulted people and done things that should have had me arrested in many, many countries, I'm one of the favorites for the ULTRATITLE. Most other competitors are in mortal fear of coming anywhere near me, but I have my own conference. I can command pandas and the rest of the animal kingdom to assail masked men and people cheer me.

Is that it, Shane?

You want the people to like you?

It's simple then. You don't have to spit on them. You don't even have to win the ULTRATITLE. You can, however, remove the 2 by 4 from your gastral tract and stop worrying about all this collective ****.

I know I'm right, but you won't listen, but that's way things are always going to be.

 

[Chad]

Glad to hear nobody cares about the CSWA here. Other than Evan, Dan, Kin, Shane, Jean, Deacon, Cam, Viper, and Joey. And I’m willing to bet a couple of other guys around here have been shopping for contracts.

What you don’t realize, Mike, is that you’re irrelevant. You’re nothing more than a comedy prop. The NFW East is the panda-fighting not-conference that never was. You’re living off the idea that the NFW is going to push you to high heaven because you once brought in moderate box offices.

Guess what? You never brought in 123,000 people through the gate. Hell, you’ve never brought in 60k. But there are guys here that have. And I guarantee you that that’s the reason Quentin Sullivan pushed to hire them in the first place. The NFW is ready to go to heights above and beyond the bingo-hall, Manson-loving crowd. That’s why Sullivan’s thrown his, and Merritt’s, marketing dollars behind pulling in new people and expanding the fan base. Sullivan’s ready to challenge the CSWA, the fWo and whoever else you wanna throw in there.

But guess what… he’s not gonna do it with you as the posterchild. And he knows it. Miles may not, but Sullivan does. And as you keep saying, Craig isn’t here, right?

You’re absolutely right on two points… One… if I don’t wanna be here, than I oughta just leave. (Looks around). Seems like I’m still here and the camera’s still rolling, doesn’t it? Miles wanted me here so bad that he made a deal with the devil to get it, then got pushed out when the politics got too heavy. Merritt doesn’t see the payoff, so he doesn’t want me here anymore either. Hell, I don’t believe you want me here anymore. I think after taking my measure in the Splinter Cell that you were aghast. You were scared. In your match, set up at your time, by your friend.

And two…the world is so much bigger. Bigger than you. And so am I.

(fadeout)

 

[Manson]

El Presidente

No, no, no, Hornet..you're wrong once again and as your admitted superior, I should point out the corrections. To begin with, Quentin Sullivan didn't hire you...no...I HIRED YOU. I assembled most of the roster before I stepped down from the commissionership. His name was on the docket because he was afarid of giving me any power over any of you legally, since for obvious reasons I have the finest team of lawyers working for me, and surely I'd find something. Which is how I started the East.

And why would I hire you, Hornet, or anyone else? Despite the fact that these are clearly the twilight years of your career? I thought perhaps I would give you a chance, having heard of you but never having actually seen the evidence myself. Which is why you constantly no-showing and complaining so disappoints. I thought you were a man of action. But I can be wrong. Just not that often.

You would like to argue numbers with me, but I know that statistics can prove just about anything. Suffice to say, according to all available numbers, the NFW EAST is by far the most popular segment on Crash and my merchandise sales fund several small countries.

But that's not really important, no, what bothers you is the fact that when you come to an NFW event, Hornet isn't first on the list of attractions. No, the people want to see the man more exciting than Jesus and with that cult leader charisma the ladies can't get enough of. Southern too, but he's somewhat upset lately.

Anyway, I don't know or really care who does what in their off-hours from the NFW. You see, Hornet, you can try to insult me all you like, but everything you say, I've heard a thousand times before and more elegantly put. This is the NFW and you're going to have to step it up. because even should you get to the Ultratitle finals, that'll be me at the other end.

Hornet, you are like the president of Mexico. Mexico is a great country, sure, except for the water, but it's nothing still compared to the USA, which is why all your people are constantly trying to swim across the river to get here.

You have lived in a very small world up until now, Hornet. You can call me irrelevant but there isn't a person in the NFW locker room or in this world that doesn't think I'll be in the Ultratitle final. You didn't challenge me, no one did. The only reason you even acknowledged me if that your pride just can't resist a pissing contest.

But this isn't 10 years ago and this isn't Carolina. Just being Hornet isn't going to help you. I grew up in the Midwest, I never watched that regional promotion you love so much. I never knew you a legend. But, that doesn't matter.

What does is that when I wanted my own conference, I went and got it. When I wanted to send the Seven Deadly Sins a message, I held them at tankpoint. And not to mention I assaulted Calvin Carlton and still send his mother a bouquet of dead roses every weekend.

I've changed the NFW, Hornet. You haven't. But that's fine, because we've already established me as your superior.

-Michael Manson