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Milwaukee Riptide 03


League Member
Jan 1, 2000
SW Chicago
(FADEIN: the normal crew at the announce table)

TONY ROSS: "Ladies and gentlemen, very soon a new GLCW superstar will be debuting. His name is Jonathan Marx, and he are a few of his comments."

(CUTTO: Jonathan Marx is sitting in a brown leather chair as a fireplace crackles in the background)

JONATHAN MARX: "Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. Today I do not come to you as a fellow wrestler, 'Gentleman' Jonathan Marx, but as your necessary savior. For months, I've been sitting in my domicile, watching this putrid abortion of a league, pondering how exactly this league is old school. Let's take this card for an example, tonight's show features a main event with a wrestler named "Jobber." For those of you who are ignorant to wrestling terminology, a "jobber" is an inside term for wrestlers who consistently lose and never seem to climb the food chain. Bums if you will. First off, flashing around inside terms is so 1995, not "cool", and absolutely not old school. Secondly, by putting a wrestler with the name Jobber in the main event, how does it make all of the other wrestlers who are wrestling lower in the card? The management of this league is clearly disrespecting every other wrestler in this company. What can we expect though? GLCW is run by a con man. King Krusher was not a great technician, nor was he even a good one. He was a simple minded brawler to used closed fists to get ahead and took advantage of garbage wrestling trend which nearly bankrupted our sport. Jobber is merely ONE of countless examples of how this league is perpetrating a fraud on all of you good people. As much as they try to stop me, I will not let it go on. The old school revolution will begin with me and I will one by one purify the evils which have corrupted the league, until I reach the top and I am able change the system from within. Tonight, I ask you to join with me tonight and fight for what wrestling use to be, only together can we stop this cancer which is eating wrestling from within. I thank you for listening, Goodnight everyone and god bless old school wrestling..."

(CUTTO: The announce booth)

TONY ROSS: "Strong words from Jonathan Marx, a man that has promised to bring some old school wrestling back into GLCW." JAKE SHADES: "Great, all we need is another Jean Rabesque!"

T.R.: "Anyways, it’s now time for our next match." (CUEUP: "Wipeout!")

J.S.: "Oh, great!"

MATT FALEY: "Ladies and gentlemen, our next contest is scheduled for one fall, coming to the ring, hailing from where the waves are, Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at a combined 560 lbs., The Oak Street Beach Patrol!!!"

(crowd gives a good pop, as Harold Haggler and Alex Hand make their way out, sporting their normal frosted hair, as well as total Hawaiian gear, they make some "hang 10" signs to the crowd, as they make their way to ringside, but instead of entering the ring, they head over to the announce table)

ALEX HAND: "Woah, dude, I’ve heard this Shades has totally been raggin’ on us, our Posse, and Steven James, who we find pretty gnarly."

HAROLD HAGGLER: "Yeah, bro, we just wanted to know what was going on. You know, we are surfing champions!"

JAKE SHADES: "Hey boys, I think you missed the last departure of the 'Get a Clue' train, I think you might want to try again tomorrow morning. Why don’t you take your Miami Vice wannabe attitudes and get out my face!"

HAND: "Easy, dude, we just wanted to tell everyone that we are totally stoked to be out here, just like we’re Livin’ on a Prayer, man. And we don’t care what you, or anybody else says. We are not going to let you drag us down."

HAGGLER: "No way dude, just like if we were channeling the power of Michael Knight, we will not be defeated!"

SHADES: "Knight? Bon Jovi? You buys just stop off the time machine?"

HAGGLER: "No way dude, we just see everything for how it is. We are free, and today, us and the Posse are going to Take a Walk on the Wildside!"

(CUEUP: "Better Than You" by Metallica)

FALEY: "Their opponents, weighing in at 250 lbs. the team of "Stupendous" Stephen Morgan and Nikolai Ash!"

(The OSBP jump into the ring as Ash and Morgan come sprinting into the ring, they dive in, and the fight is on!)

T.R.: "Here we go fans.

J.S.: "Let’s go guys, we need these Freakzoids destroyed!"

T.R.: "Oh, I can’t wait, here comes the 80s barrage!"

J.S.: "These guys better be careful, or they could end up getting Blinded by Science!"

T.R.: "Oh, yeah, just great..."

R.W.: "Well, here in the ring, Morgan and Ash, have tossed Hand out of the ring and have started working over Haggler, that seems to be the strategy early."

T.R.: "That’s right Rick. And now Morgan and Ash are all over Haggler, double teaming him back into the corner."

J.S.: "This punk might need to do The Safety Dance if he’s not careful."

T.R.: "Will you stop it? The double team barrage now continues on Haggler."

R.W.: "The referee really needs to get some control here."

T.R.: "Morgan and Ash whip Haggler into the corner, but he dodges the slingshot attempt and hits a clothesline, sending both Morgan and Ash to the outside!"

R.W.: "Morgan and Ash are down, and fans, remember, Nikolai Ash will be taking on the Great Lakes Champion Maelstrom at the very first edition of our new TV show, Wired!"

T.R.: "And that should be a great match Rick, but right now Ash and Morgan find themselves in a bit of trouble on the outside, as the OSBP double team them. Morgan is thrown back in the ring, and now the OSBP are doing some doubleteaming of their own. They have back into the corner and are completely stomping away on Morgan!"

R.W.: "And look at Morgan bailing back to the outside to try to get some advice from Ash. That was actually pretty smart there by Morgan, getting out of the double team."

J.S.: "Come on Eileen! I mean...ash and Morgan!"

R.W.: "Will you stop that?"

J.S.: "Now come on, we all know these hooligans will never amount to anything. Listen to them try to speak. Also, they’re from Chicago and they’re talking about their surfing trophies! Are you kidding me?"

T.R.: "Ash and Hand are now in the ring, and the match is now back to something resembling an order. Hand gets a nice headscissors takeover, and Haggler is tagged in to get his two cents worth, and he starts working over Ash’s leg."

R.W.: "Sound strategy here by the OSBP, keeping the leg isolated."

J.S.: "Ridiculous, where are they going to surf in Chicago? If these guys aren’t careful, they easily could end up like the drummer for Def Leppard!"

T.R.: "Jake, that’s enough, and that is not appropriate. Ash tosses Haggler to the floor to get him off the leg, and Ash now chases him to the outside. Ash has Haggler by the hair, and sets to piledriver him, but Haggler backdrops to the floor."

R.W.: "Nice move by Haggler to save himself a bit there."

T.R.: "Ash is now realizing that following Haggler to the outside wasn’t the smartest move and he scurries back inside and makes the tag to Morgan, who enters the match. Morgan is immediately caught in the OSBP’s corner and they begin working over the knee. Haggler pounds on it, and now drapes over the bottom rope. He tags in Hand, who now drops his body weight onto that length."

J.S.: "Come on Steve! Show these idiots what’s going on. They claim to be Great Lakes Surfing Champions! How good can they be?"

T.R.: "Morgan escapes, but tries a kneelift on Hand with his bad knee and gets taken back down. Now they can continue to isolate Morgan, who is in a world of hurt right here. Wait! Low blow by Morgan takes Hand down and that gives Morgan time to get over to the corner. Here comes Ash, and he immediately drags Hand over to their corner, and he now begins to pound on Hand. "

J.S.: "Yes! No more Tainted Love! Finish this chump off!"

T.R.: "Ash backs away, and hits a nice running dropkick right to the face of Hand. Quick tag back into Morgan."

R.W.: "I don’t know if this is the best idea. Morgan just took a fair amount of abuse, it might be better to stay outside for a little."

T.R.: "Morgan picks up Hand, and slams him down. His knee almost gave out on him there. He picks up again, vertical suplex! Tag back to Ash! And Ash goes straight after a sleeper hold, He can no wear down Hand, as Haggler desperately wants to get back into this ring."

J.S.: "This is it!"

R.W.: "Hand desperately needs to make a tag. He powers out a bit!"

T.R.: "But it’s immediately countered with another sleeper hold. The referee raises Hand’s arm for one. He does again...... for two, a third time....NO! Hand powers out!"

J.S.: "Great! Never seen this before!"

T.R.: "Hand responds with some elbows to the midsection. Off the ropes, flying lariat!! And now both Ash and Hand are down!"

R.W.: "The first man to get to his corner might be the one to win the match. And it appears as though Hand is reaching towards the wrong corner. His lights might be dimmed a little more the we thought."

J.S.: "You see, I told you not to bright.!"

T.R.: "The tag goes to Morgan. And the double team is back on Hand. They have him in the corner. they are setting up for a Rocket Launcher, and it misses! HAND MAKES THE TAG!"

R.W.: "This could be the turning point!"

T.R.: "Haggler is cleaning house right now. A right to Ash, a left to Morgan. The crowd is going completely nuts here as Haggler clotheslines Morgan over the top to the outside. Haggler is on fire, and it seems as though Ash can sense that, as he now goes outside on his own, and grabs a steel chair.

J.S.: "Now it’s time for a little Nikolai Ash justice!"

T.R.: "Wait, no, the referee is ripping the chair out of Ash’s hand, but Morgan just dropkicked Haggler into the referee and the referee is out cold! Hand is back up, and he grabs the chair, Hand is about to nail Morgan. But Ash just took out Hand’s leg, and Morgan levels Hand with a chair, sending him to the outside. And now Haggler sees none of this, chairshot to Haggler!"

J.S.: "YES!!!!"

T.R.: "Haggler is dazed, LEXICON POWERBOMB BY ASH! Morgan drags the referee over the pinfall, 1----2----3!!! And Morgan and Ash steal this victory!"

J.S.: "Steal my butt, they stole this fair and square!!!"

MATT FALEY: "Here are your winners, NIKOLAI ASH AND ‘STUPENDOUS’ STEPHEN MORGAN!! (CUEUP: "Better Than You" by Metallica, the crowd boos loudly)

T.R.: "Morgan and Ash steal a victory, and now they are over here apologizing to Jake for the OSBP’s actions."

J.S.: "It’s ok, guys, I understand the two of you are gentlemen of the highest moral caliber."

T.R.: "You have got to be kidding me! Wait, here comes the OSBP! They both just dove over the top rope onto Ash and Morgan and the brawl is back on. And now referees are coming down to separate the two. We need to get to Lady V in the backstage area."

(CUTTO: Lady Veronica stands in the back, with Larry Tact to her left.)

LADY VERONICA: "With me right now is Larry Tact, and--"

LARRY TACT: "Lady, why don't you just let me take it from here, okay?

LADY V: "Uh...well, Mr. Tact, I do have a few questions for you."

TACT: "Oh, you do? In that case, ask away..."

LADY V: "For one, I was about to ask you if you had been keeping an eye on
Jared Wells, what with your recent, and some would say uncalled for,
accusations towards him."

TACT: "Uncalled for? The fact you'd even allude to such a thing is enough to
make me see that you are unfit to do this interview."

LADY V: "What..?"

(Tact takes the microphone from Lady V, and motions for her to leave.)

TACT: "Go on, go on and get to the next interview, Lady."

(Lady V looks annoyed, and tries to say something, but she's cut off by Tact.)

TACT: "Thank you so much for your attempt at keeping everyone's interest; it was slightly amusing. But I think I can do just fine on my own. Why don't you go back to doing your pictorials, or whatever. I know a suntan lotion company who might see potential in you."

(Lady V storms off, and Tact laughs to himself.)

TACT: "So, let's get to what is relevant, now that the unnecessary people are gone. Jared Wells...yes, I've been keeping my eye on your activity here. You've barely stepped into the door, and people are all over you! They want your autograph, or your thoughts, and then the little screaming girls want you to "light a fire" in them....it's all so nauseating. Someone once told me where people like you, and your fans, come from Wells....it's called Seventeen magazine! Maybe you should go there, instead of hang around annoying people in the GLCW, because you're only going to get into other people's way, here. While you're being surrounded by underage girls and
reporters with no sense of integrity, you're going to end up stepping into the path of someone who is on the rise, and they're going to take you out. They're going to see you, powdering your face and getting yourself all done up, and they'll spit on you and your "image"...they'll send you where you belong, to Seventeen magazine. Then, maybe people will be saved the bother of having to see all the trash that you tote along with you, Wells, and bring to shows. And in their places? People who want to watch wrestling.
WRESTLING, Jared! Because that's what matters. That's what the GLCW should be about, which makes me wonder why you're here. Sure, you can go and put on a show against Jon Savage, but I can do that, too. But the time will come when you go against someone who operates in that ring on a higher level. Someone who isn't phased by your "glorious" return, or your "revived" self. But I suppose you might not let it come to that. Instead you'll have Krusher sign you to matches that will build your confidence or something of the sort. Go ahead, then...get your wins against the likes of Jon Savage. Go have a freakin' SERIES against him, if it makes you feel better!"

(Tact pauses and the crowd can be heard booing as he paces for a bit, then stops and looks straight ahead again.)

TACT: "No...no, I have a better idea, since you probably have something in that brain of yours that prevents anything non-ego feeding to get to your head. You probably think I'm inferior to you, right? Because I wasn't around back in the "old days" of the WWL...or what was it called? The WWWL....WWLOSERS....WWWHINE? Yeah, that's probably where you belonged. But I'll tell you what. I'll show you just how right I am. I say you showed NOTHING to the wrestlers against Savage. I think any of the upper tier talent could beat him. And, even though it isn't really fair to Savage...I'll use myself as an example. Sorry Savage, but I'm calling you out. Whether it be televised or not...you're getting in the ring with Larry Tact come the next opportunity I get. And Wells, I'll see you out there....TONIGHT."

(Tact drops the mic and walks off, fade to commercial)

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