MBE EVOLUTION 2007, live on PPV

[Yori Yakamo jr]

FADEIN: Greenie standing in front of the camera, wearing a white Patriots #12 jersey, behind him stands Doc Silver.)

GREENIE: "I really don't care how gay this makes me sound, but in the next 3 days the two most important men in my life will be facing great challenges...The greatest Quarterback in the history of the NFL, Tom Brady...Will take the field against a team that has a two game winning streak against him...But unlike those times...This time it will be for all the marbles...This time it will be for the right to go to the Super Bowl...And this time...Tom Brady and his Patriots will get it done...

And tonight, my man Doc Silver...The greatest wrestler of all time, will get into the ring, ALSO facing somebody to whom has has a two match losing streak...ALSO in a situation where it is for all the marbles...Here it's for the MBE World Title...And tonight...The champion will REMAIN champion...You can bank on that..."

DOC: "As much as I hate to be compared to the Derek Jeter of football" (Greenie winces at that comment.) "I do see it somewhat fitting...Cause much like the Colts...Duchess has been fighting with a lucky horseshoe...But instead of being on the side of a helmet, it's been shoved up her ass...Tonight however, the luck runs out...Tonight Duchess goes home with nothing but a story to tell the family and whatever kids she may have in the future...About how she got so close to being World Champion...But failed...That she could have been a somebody...But instead became just another nobody left adrift on the endless path of misery...

Only Happy When It Rains..."

(FADEOUT)

TILL: Perhaps Doc shouldn't have taped that promo after WNW.

DR. P: I don't know what you are talking about.

TILL: Anyway, it's EVOLUTION, LIVE ON Pay Per View...AND IT STARTS NOW.

 

[Yori Yakamo jr]

The Sheffield Wednesday Lot v. The International Icons

Crowd Shots, lights, and the Sheffield Wednseday chanting begins as Nate and Marion begin their march down to the ring wearing their respective Sheffield Wednesday jerseys, getting a mixed reaction from the crowd and a few that actualy join in with the chant. A few drunk fans in the crowd seem to take offense to the Sheffield Wednesday Lot and start getting into it a bit with them before Nate pulls Marion into the ring to prepare for their match with Fusenshoff and Ace Mason, as if on cue, "Wanted Dead or Alive" hits and out comes Ace Mason with Fusenshoff right behind them, Ace is wearing his black leather jacket and blue jeans with Fusenshoff in the wife beater and jeans, they give a little taunt towards the Sheffield Wednesday Lot, Fusenshoff yells out something about Sheffield United being the superior footy club which sends Nate into a sort of frenzy and he and Marion start charging out of the ring to begin the brawl.

Dr. P: Oh here we go again, it's becoming sort of traditional for MBE to begin it's Pay Per Views with people they recruited from a local bar to engage in a fist fight, now I can see why Freakfish and the rest of PbPro want to get rid of trash like them.

Till: Fusenshoff and Ace Mason have proven themselves to be quite a tag team with beautiful chemistry.

Dr. P: Apparently your and my definition of beauty seems to be a little differant, if I were to see these two dressed like they were ready to beat their wives I'd hardly consider them a tag team nor "beautiful" in any sense of the word.

Till: Ladies and gentlemen please send your complaints to...

Dr. P: Till, how about we sign those two to face off against your wife, she loves "Tag Teams" doesn't she?

Nate dives through the ropes and lands atop Fusenshoff and begins his repeated lefts and rights to the side of Fusenshoff's head, Fusenshoff tries as much as possible to defelect the blows keeping his hands guarded up near his head as Marion slides through to meet a right hand by Ace, followed by a kick in the gut before being tossed into the guardrail. The ref is hanging by the ropes telling at least two of them to get in the ring so that he can begin this match properly. It doesnt seem as if any of them will be listening as Nate picks Fusenshoff up by his collar, brings a knee to his gut before bringing him up on his shoulder from a pump handle and slamming him down onto the rampway. Back to Ace and Marion, Ace charges Marion who is slumped against the guardrail, Ace is planning on driving his entire body weight by lunging himself hip-first towards Marion's face, unfortunately for him, Marion is still sensible and sober enough to roll out of the way, Ace's hip meeting cold steel and rolls around on the ground cluching his hip. Marion is quickly on him with stomping straight from Sheffield to the injured hip.

Nate grabs Fusenshoff and hurls him into the ring and the ref starts the match officialy as the bell rings to singal its beginning, with Nate and Fusenshoff being the legal men in the ring, as soon as Nate rolls in the ring, Fusenshoff snaps back up and drops an elbow on the unsuspecting Nate, he continues to do this a few more times before picking Nate up, wrapping his own jersey over his head to blind him and throwing rights and lefts to the defensless Nate. After a volley of punches Fusenshoff delivers a final haymaker to knock Nate down. Fusenshoff takes advantage of the situation and gets onto the second turnbuckle and delivers a flying elbow drop right on the head of Nate before going for a quick cover....only 2.

Ace is still taking a stomping from Marion before gathering up enough will and grabbing Marion's foot during one of the stomps and twisting it, spinning Marion around and onto his stomach. Ace gets up and begins stomping the back of Marion's knee to rid him of his own stomping ability. Once Ace thinks he's driven the last stomp out of Marion for the week, he picks him up, spins him around and delivers his own variation of the german suplex, the Straightjacket suplex directly into the ringpost, Marion is definately knocked silly and in pain, nothing a few pints might fix afterwards but Marion definately suffered a serious blow with that, Ace decides to get to his own corner at this time satisfied that Marion may not be a big factor in this match anymore and watches Fusenshoff who currently has Nate in a wristlock after his jersey finaly was removed. Fusenshoff drags Nate over to his corner and tags in Ace who is more than happy to join in, Ace steps through the ropes and gets behind Nate and delivers a neckbreaker at the same time as Fusenshoff drags on the arm, as if pulling it out of its socket, Nate doesnt know what to grab in pain as he lays on the mat face first. Ace is on the offensive with a couple knee drops to the back of his neck, Marion finaly pulls himself up to his corner and reaches an arm out to Nate who is currently taking a beating from Ace. Ace drags Nate back to his feet and irish whips him to the far ropes, on the return Ace attempts a cross body but Nate and all his soccer knowledge at the last minute falls backwards, avoiding the dive and deliver a soccer style bicycle kick to the back of Ace Mason. Both men are on the mat now, Ace is quickly stirring though as Nate is beginning his slow crawl over to Marion.

Dr. P: How unorthodox, I hope he doesnt take that to his head as true wrestling skill like he takes pints of Guiness.

Nate is almost to his corner as Ace is back on his feet and making his way over to Nate, a last ditch effort as Nate makes a final dive towards Marion, HOT TAG MARION, Marion is in as Ace charges him, Marion has recovered enough strength and ducks under the charging Ace, grabs him and in a modified back breaker on his hip, taking advantage of it as he begins laying the boots into his hip again before picking him up and irish whip to the turnbuckle, Marion sizes him up and delivers a flying drop kick to the already tender hip of Ace Mason, Ace stumbles with a slight limp favoring his hip out of the corner as Marion is back on him with a punch to the back of the head before getting him in a headlock. Marion doesn't hold it very long as Ace forces Marion to the ropes, Ace drops down as the returning Marion jumps over him, bounces back and finds a clothesline from Ace Mason. Ace goes for a cover and only finds 2.

Till: And Ace quickly takes the fire out of the Sheffield Wednesday Lot with that clothesline, the momentum is now in the Icon's favor.

Dr. P: There can only be one doctor in this broadcast team, Til, so cease trying to make yourself sound as if you know what you're talking about.

Ace decides that he's had enough and is ready to soften Marion up for his finisher, Ace applies the Boston Crab with ease and Marion begins shouting in pain at the hole, Ace keeps it applied as Nate comes to his senses a little bit and jumps through the ropes and delivers a dropkick to the back of Ace's head to release the hold, in comes Fusenshoff and an all out brawl is ensuing again. Fusenshoff and Nate begin trading blows as Ace picks up Marion and goes through the ropes near the corner and applies a figure four on the ringpost, Marion is screaming out in pain as the official is trying to maintain order. Fusenshoff blocks one of Nate's hooks and delivers his own and quickly drops Nate to the mat with a DDT. Fusenshoff isnt done with Nate yet as he picks him up and promptly powerbombs him in the middle of the ring, Ace Mason releases the hold on Marion and comes back into the ring to join Fusenshoff in their assault on Nate. Ace picks up Nate and together with Fusenshoff spike his head into the mat with a Piledriver. Ace goes for the cover and as the referee is unsure as to who the legal man is now begins the count, Marion crawls over and drags off Ace, Ace, enraged, charges Marion who both go tumbling through the ropes and to the outside.

Nate and Fusenshoff left in the ring, referee acknowledging them as the legal men, Fusenshoff picks up the dizzied Nate and is ready to bring him up for another powerbomb as Nate fights back with fists to the stomach, finaly Nate gathers enough strength to pull Fusenshoff's feet out from under him and delivers a swift boot to the groin of Fusenshoff, that brings a few ooo's out of the crowd as Nate drops the boot with authority, Fusenshoff may be out of the fight for a bit as Nate turns the tables a little and continues to go to work on the groin with a few more boots, much to the ref's disliking. Nate begins jawing with him after another stomp trying to plead his case, but stops his assault on Fusenshoff's groin before picking him up and kicking him square in the solar plexus and following it up with a bulldog, Nate goes for the cover.

2 count!

Fusenshoff isn't giving up that easily and Nate is getting a little frustrated now.

Dr. P: Them thinking they can best ANY wrestler in this industry with such novice tactics makes me wonder just how the real Sheffield Wednesday team wins any of their soccer matches, I wouldn't be surprised if YouTube had a clip of one of their players running up to the opposing goaltender and punching him in the face.

Till: Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you and your arsenal

Dr. P: One more word out of you and I'll crucify you on the steel cage.

Till: Oh great, now you want to get the religious supporters angry at us too?

Dr. P: Could be fun.

Nate is on top of Fusenshoff now throwing rights and lefts to the head as Fusenshoff guards the blows, though Fusenshoff pulls together his strength and tosses Nate off as Nate quickly is back on his feet but runs into an awaiting Fusenshoff and an Atomic Drop, Fusenshoff kicks Nate in the stomach and prepares him between his legs and is signaling the end of Nate, Marion sees this and tries to get back in the ring but Ace has him by the leg and pulls him down again and suplexes him directly into the guardrail, Fusenshoff picks Nate up and The Domination! Nate finds his face crashing to the mat and is not moving very much after that, Fusenshoff slowly makes the cover seeing Marion rolling around in pain with Ace keeping him down with punches.

1...

2...

3!

Your winners....The International Icons!!!!

Fusenshoff and Ace celebrate the victory over their downed foes before gathering themselves, a few final stomps to the Sheffield Wednesday lot as they head back to the locker room.

Till: Impressive victory for the Icons, showing that they can play with the best of them and can threatan for the MBE Tag Team titles.

Dr. P: Not if Ravage and A have anything to say about it, once they claim those titles tonight, not even God and Jesus can form a more formidable team.

Till: Oh jesus chr..

Dr. P: Dont take the lord's name in vain, Till, you'll anger the christian community...

Till stumbles his words before giving up

Till: Anyway, our next match is going to be a No Holds Barred match featuring Cool Frank Cutta and Jeffery Roberts, these two have had a heated rivalry these past few weeks and it might turn into a blood bath tonight as these two face off tonight on Evolution!

Dr. P: Oh boy, what else is new, No Holds Barred matches, Cage matches, anything involving the Sheffield Wednesday Lot or Jock McCrunk...the only way I'll enjoy these matches is if we just give both competitors a pistol, have them march ten paces and fire.

 

[Yori Yakamo jr]

No Holds Barred Match: CFC v. Jeffrey Roberts

TILL: Our second match this evening stems from this week’s WNW when things got out of hand between CFC and newcomer Jeffrey Roberts. CFC was disqualified for refusing to honor a rope break and both men had to be separated after the match was over.

DR. P: Mr. Cutta should thank his lucky stars he wasn’t canned for purposely trying to injure MBE’s newest up and coming talent. That man simply does not respect the rules of wrestling.

Cutta stats freestyling over the house mic, running down Roberts something fierce as he emerges from the back, with snow tire chains slung over his shoulder and a kendo stick in his other hand.

TILL: CFC is coming prepared.

DR. P: Only a coward resorts to weapons to get the job done in the ring.

TILL: This is a no holds barred match.

DR. P: I bet all Jeff Roberts needs is the gifts that god gave him. And maybe some Twix.

CFC’s mic cuts out and “Down With the Sickness” starts to play. CFC waits at the edge of the apron for the arrival of his opponent. Thirty seconds pass and there is no sign of Jeffrey Roberts.

TILL: If I were Mr. Roberts, I wouldn’t be tardy for my first MBE PPV match.

CFC steps through the ropes and starts peering around the arena for any sign of Monsieur Roberts. Suddenly a machete pokes through the canvas and cuts open a hole that Roberts emerges from.

TILL: Jesus what a psycho!

DR. P: He probably just stockpiled some Twix down there for safe keeping.

CFC still doesn’t see Roberts. J-Rob pantomimes stabbing him with the machete, then laughs and tosses it aside before grabbing CFC’s kendo stick out of his hand and cracking him in the skull as he turns around. CFC falls like a ton of bricks and Roberts slams the weapon across CFC’s ribs a few times before tossing it aside.

TILL: Roberts is a sick, sadistic freak.

DR. P: An *effective* sick, sadistic freak
Roberts hits a standing moonsault and covers.

1…

2…

CFC kicks out.

Roberts grabs the chains off the mat and wraps them around his arm. He waits for CFC to stand before charging in for a lariat. CFC ducks and Roberts hits the ropes CFC catches him with a Euro Uppercut as he bounces back. A second one puts Roberts on the mat. CFC whips Roberts into the far turnbuckle and charges across the ring. He tries to deliver a double knee strike, but Roberts ducks and CFC hits the top turnbuckle at an awakward angle and tumbles to the floor. Roberts wastes no time following him out with a springboard corkscrew plancha, and both men go splat on the mats outside the ring.

TILL: The crowd showing its appreciation for that spectacular move.

DR. P: Perhaps there is hope for those mouthbreathers yet.

Roberts wades to his feet and whips CFC into the barricade. He tries a cartwheel into a back elbow with a flourish, but CFC catches him in midair and drops his back across the railing.

TILL: Ouchie!

DR. P: Insightful and concise, Till.

CFC suplexes Roberts on the thin mats outside the ring and Roberts’ back arches up in pain. CFC grabs the kendo stick from the ring and cracks it over his opponent’s back.

TILL: CFC showing he knows how to wield that weapon as well.

DR. P: Well, I would hope so, considering he brought it out here.

CFC drapes Roberts over the barricade and hops up on the apron. He measures out a good distance, then charges the length of the apron, diving off with a somersault senton onto Roberts, sandwiching him against the barricade. Roberts flops to the mats as CFC rolls into the crowd.

TILL: My word!

DR. P: Okay, even I must admit that was pretty cool, but I’m sure it will be only a minor bump in the road for Jeff Roberts, my pick for Rookie of the Year in MBE.

TILL: Roberts is hardly a rookie, Doc, and we’ve only been open four months.
CFC pops out of the crowd after accepting a beer from a portly fan and tosses Roberts back into the ring. He slingshots in and drops a double stomp across the chest of Roberts.

TILL: CFC is feeling it tonight in New Orleans.

He whips Roberts off the ropes and catches him with a spinning scrapbuster slam. He covers.

1…

2…

Roberts kicks out.

CFC looks for a piledriver, but Roberts goes low and Cutta starts stumbling around with a pronounced limp.

DR. P: NO….HOLDS….BARRED!

TILL: If Tiny Lister shows up, I am out of here.

Roberts quickly follows up, depositing CFC on his head with a big time release German Suplex. He kips up, hits the rope and delivers a running shooting star press.

TILL: I have to give Roberts credit, he is an incredible athlete, if bat**** insane.

DR. P: A dangerous combination Till, to himself and others.

Roberts covers.

1…

2…

CFC kicks out.

Irish whip, but CFC reverses it. Roberts ducks a wild haymaker and springboards off the far ropes into a flying clothesline. He quickly corrals CFC into a Texas Cloverleaf.

DR. P: Roberts is just punishing the Cutta now.

TILL: CFC is too close to the ropes though and he manages to force a break. He needs to change his strategy quick, though, or he will find himself on the losing end of this match.

Roberts heads up to the top rope and flies off for a huricanrana, but CFC comes up with the snow chain and catches Roberts right in the chest. Roberts slams to the mat at an awkward angle and CFC falls on top.

1…

2…

Roberts kicks out.

TILL: A big time heads-up move from CFC, but Roberts showed a ton of wherewithal to kick out of that chain shot.

DR. P: These two are trying to cripple each other for our enjoyment, and I for one approve.

TILL: As do our fans.

CFC goes for the Pain Killer again, but Roberts backdrops out of it. CFC is quickly back to his feet and drops his opponent with a Side Effect Bomb.

TILL: CFC heads to the top rope now, looking to inflict some serious pain.

He takes the chain with him and wraps it around his fist. He dives off the top for a top rope fist drop, but finds nothing but canvas as Roberts rolls out of the way.

TILL: Man! CFC could have broken his hand there.

DR. P: Hey if that means he can no longer hold a microphone and thus I no longer have to listen to his pathetic attempts at the rapping, then I think we are all winners.

TILL: I think our fans would disagree with you.

DR. P: Well, I’m a winner and that’s all that matters.

As CFC clutches at his hand, Roberts capitalizes, DDTing CFC on the chain. He covers.

1…

2…

CFC kicks out.

TILL: Both these men are certifiably insane.

DR. P: But there can only be one winner. Just like Thunderdome.
TILL: I didn’t know you were such a Mad Max fan.

DR. P: I am a fan of people beating the crap out of Mel Gibson. Or Irish Red.

TILL: I see.

Roberts signals that it is time to end the evening’s festivities and hoists CFC over his head for his signature Running Lyger Bomb. CFC counters in midair to a huricanrana.

TILL: A big time reversal from CFC. He’s got a leg hooked.

1…

2…

Roberts kicks out.

Roberts is knocked a little loopy and finds himself on the receiving end of a backdrop suplex. CFC signals that it is time for the East Side Stretch.

TILL: This is the move that nearly put Roberts out at WNW, and this time the ropes won’t save the insane one.

CFC locks it on, but he can’t quite get the arm scissored with his leg and Roberts grabs the kendo stick and cracks it against CFC’s head until he has to break the hold. Another kendo stick puts CFC on the mat. Roberts is pissed and begins to try and choke CFC out with the Kendo stick.

TILL: Roberts may have snapped right here. CFC is turning blue.

DR. P: No Holds Barred!

TILL: Stop it Phantasmo, this is serious.

The ref finally pries Roberts off CFC, but the Cutta is hacking up blood. The ref is about to award the match to Roberts, but he is having none of it and heads up top.

TILL: This sick **** can only be going up top for one reason, his shooting star guillotine!

DR. P: Hey, Roberts wants to make an impact on the face…and throat of MBE.

Roberts leaps off with a breathtaking high altitude shooting star press that ends with his knee crushing the throat of CFC. CFC flops around the ring like a trout out of water as Roberts cackles like a madman. He dives on top and pins CFC.

1…

2…

3!

WINNER: JEFFREY ROBERTS

DR. P: J-Rob emerges victorious and he sends a message to the rest of the MBE locker room. I am deranged, do not mess with me.

TILL: Phantasmo, CFC looks to be in a real bad way, and the referee is calling for the EMTs.

The EMTs load CFC onto a stretcher as Roberts munches on a Twix in the ring. He politely waves to CFC as he is carted out.

TILL: This Roberts is a scary, scary individual, but one to watch in the coming months in MBE. Up next we have a PbPro 5-Crown title match, that I know Phantasmo here just can’t wait for.

DR. P: Shoot me now.

 

[Yori Yakamo jr]

PbPro Quintuple Crown Title Match: Irishred v. Justin Evitable (c)

TILL: Now we present our first of three title matches tonight as two MBE originals battle it out for the prestigious PbPro Quintuple Crown Title.

DR. P: Truly Till, this I await with baited breath. It may sound like snoring to you, but it’s baited breath.

TILL: And on a personal note, I am especially looking forward to this match just because it pisses you off, Doctor.

DR. P: You are a petty, petty man, Till.

“Bad Company” starts on the arena sound system, and the crowd gives Irishred a warm welcome to the bayou.

TILL: Red had this title unfairly taken from him by the despicable actions of Freakfish. I am glad to see him get a rematch.

DR. P: Hey, FF entered the Battle Royale fair and square. Red said he would take on all comers.

TILL: I don’t think all comers includes a taser Dr. P.

DR. P: Well, it included a fully sentient wrestling sex robot, so you are splitting hairs there, Till.

TILL: A valid point, I suppose.

Red removes his Denver Broncos jersey and hands it to the timekeeper for safe keeping. He limbers up in the ring as “Vicarious” plays and the PbPro Quintuple Crown Champion, Justin Evitable makes his way to ringside, five Thai Hookers in tow, each carrying one of the belts.

TILL: Red looks less than happy with this display.

DR. P: I never pictured Red as a bastion of good taste but I must agree with the monsieur of the Midwest here.

TILL: Red has been on Justin all week to drop the sex parties and goofiness and prove that he belongs at the top. But I don’t see how you can argue with the True Face’s success so far.

DR. P: I can, seeing as he is still Justin Evitable, and will no doubt choke the belts away to Red, and I will die a little more inside.
Justin does some hip thrusting in the ring and Red gets in his face, telling him to be serious for once in his life, before Red mops the ring with him. Justin shoves Red off and tells him to stay out of the champ’s way. Ooh, Red didn’t like that one bit and has to be held off by the ref. Justin climbs the turnbuckles and bends over while the Thai Hookers whip him with each of the belts in succession and Justin gets…excited.

DR. P: Ugh, what a distasteful display.

TILL: The crowd does seem to be enjoying it.

Indeed, the crowd sounds their approval, while Red watches incredulously. Finally, the Thai Hookers hand the belts over to the ref and he shows them to both competitors as Vinman takes to the mic.

VINMAN: The following contest is set for one fall with a sixty minute time limit and is for the PbPro Quintuple Crown Title. Your referee is senior PbPro Referee Kenji Yamaguchi.

Standing to my right is the challenger. He stands six feet tall and weighs in at two hundred and thirty five pounds. He hails from Yankton, SD and is a former MBE Extreme Champion and PbPro Quintuple Crown Champion, he is the don of the Midwestern Mafia. This…is…IRISHHHHHHHHHHREEEEEDDDDD!

And his opponent, from Boston, Masachusetts, he stands six foot four inches tall and weighs in at two hundred and twenty five pounds, plus five pounds of cockmeat…he is the Rated R Popstar, Every Parent’s Nightmare and the TRUE FACE of Message Board Entertainment, and he is YOUR PbPro Quintuple Crown Champion…..JUSTINNNNNNNNNNN EVITABBBBBBBBLLLLLLLEEEEEE!

Red rolls his eyes at this introduction and returns to his corner while Justin points to his crotch some more.

The bell sounds to start the match and Justin offers Red a handshake. Red warily takes it.

TILL: A show of good sportsmanship between these two gladiators.

DR. P: Booooooooring.

Collar and elbow tie-up. Red bulls Justin into the corner. The ref uses his five count and Red breaks at four, cleanly. He pats Justin on the chest and encourages him to bring it. Collar and elbow again. Justin gains the advantage and pins Red in the corner. Ref Yamaguchi counts to four before Justin also breaks. He grabs his crotch and declares “this is where the power lies.” Red gets right in his face and tells him to cut out this garbage. This is the biggest match of his career right here. Justin piefaces Red down.

TILL: Oooh, Justin not being intimidated at all.
Red is up and slaps Justin, then slaps him again. Justin hauls off and decks Red. He punts the Midwestern Mafioso while he is down and says that he is MBE now. Red shoots the double from the mat and takes Justin down. He grabs the mount and starts raining haymakers down on Justin. Justin sweeps and ends up on top as the two roll around trying to break the other’s nose. They roll into the ropes and the ref tries to get a break, but only results in shoving the two out onto the mats. Red is up first and catches Justin with a knee to the “lower abdomen” before posting him headfirst into the steps.

TILL: Red is in his element out here.

DR. P: This is about the most inelegant wrestling display in a PbPro title match since Bobby R unfortunately held these five belts.

TILL: Well, that was unnecessary.

DR. P: But accurate.

Red tries to slam Justin’s head into the apron, but the True Face blocks it and slams his elbow into Red’s midsection. He goes downstairs as well before adding a DDT on the floor.

TILL: That could knock Red for a loop.

DR. P: Well certainly any brain damage could only improve his demeanor.

Justin quickly rolls Red into the ring and covers

1…

2…

Red kicks out.

TILL: Smart thinking by Justin to go for the pin there.

DR. P: I think that is the first time anyone has used the words Justin and smart in the same sentence.

Irish whip and Justin hits a flying back elbow as Red bounces off the ropes. Standing moonsault and the True Face covers again.

1…

2…

Red kicks out.

Justin plays to the crowd a bit before signaling that it is time for the After Party.

TILL: Justin wasting no time bringing out the heavy artillery.

Red slips free and lands on his feet behind Justin and drives a series of knees into Justin’s kidneys. Justin is shocked by the shots, allowing Red to add a bulldog to take control.

TILL: Red learned those sweet moves in his extensive training fighting criminals in prison for cigarettes.

DR. P: Exactly the man we want as the face of this company, or any company really. Though I suppose he would be fine as the face of a repo company or something.

Red stomps down on Justin’s kidneys some more before grabbing a half crab and punishing the True Face.

TILL: One shouldn’t overlook that Red is a truly sadistic individual when his hackles are properly raised.

DR. P: I think you covered that with the whole prison aside.

Justin crawls for the corner and finally finds the cool embrace of the bottom rope. Red judiciously works his five count for all it is worth before breaking the hold.

TILL: Justin may have slightly underestimated what he was getting into by taking this match.

DR. P: What, you don’t think he trains hard in between his Sexy Parties and Thai Hooker rubdowns?

Red drops some elbows across Justin’s back as he tries to rise. Irish whip into the corner and Justin slams straight to the mat as his back hits the turnbuckles.

TILL: Justin may be peeing blood for a while as Red has done a number on him already.

DR. P: Not to mention this sets Justin up perfectly for Red’s signature COLD SHOT.

Red wants to inflict more punishment first, though, as he hoists Justin onto his shoulders before depositing him back on the mat with a vicious Samoan Drop. Red covers.

1…

2…

Justin kicks out.

Red tosses Justin up against the ropes and ties his arms up, despite the ref’s protestations. He peppers Justin with body blows before finishing with a running dropkick to the sternum as Ref Yamaguchi finally frees the True Face.

TILL: Justin is taking quite a beating from Irish Red.

DR. P: He is thrashing him like the proverbial red-headed stepchild. Granted Red is almost old enough to be his father.

Red drags Justin into the center of the ring and applies a bow and arrow.

TILL: Red breaking out his technical knowledge.

DR. P: Annnnnnnndddddd….he’s used it up.

Justin manages to break the hold and flop on top for a cover.

1…

Red kicks out.

Red goes right back on the offensive, laying Justin out as he rises with a short clothesline.

TILL: Red is just picking apart the Quintuple Crown Champion.

DR. P: Perhaps Justin should have spent more time in the gym and less time in those sketchy massage parlors in the French Quarter.

TILL: I thought you wanted Red to lose.

DR. P: Really, I’m hoping for some sort of double career-ending accident, but I am not letting that get in the way of doing my job.

TILL: How magnanimous of you.

Red whips Justin into the turnbuckles again, but Justin gets a foot up and pushes off, catching Red with a back elbow as the Midwestern Mafioso blindly charges in after him. Justin sets himself and leaps to the top rope. He moonsaults off and tries for a very spectacular looking DDT, but Red drops the airborne Justin straight down in a sitout spinebuster.

TILL: A hyooge counter from Irishred. This could be it!

1…

2…

Justin gets a shoulder up.

TILL: Justin barely escaped there. I thought that was it.

DR. P: And as usual, you look like a fool.

TILL: Nevertheless, Justin has to be nearly broken in two after that big time spinebuster from Irishred.

Red locks on a camel clutch.

TILL: Red is sitting down right on the small of Justin’s back. The pressure on his lower back and kidneys has to be intense.

DR. P: Truly, all those massages he got this week from Thai Hookers couldn’t have prepared him for this level of pain.

Justin declines Red’s exhortations to tap out and spare himself permanent damage. Red cranks back on the hold and Justin begins to spit out some blood.

TILL: The referee may have to step in and stop this thing, before it gets out of hand.

DR. P: And rob me of the joy of seeing Justin Evitable vomit up his circulatory system, never!

Justin finally makes it to the ropes forcing a break. Red drags him right back to the center of the ring and drops both knees across Justin’s back. He quickly covers.

1…

2…

Justin kicks out.

TILL: Justin is showing a ton of heart in this match.

DR. P: And not a whole lot of brains.

Red heads up top and says that it’s over.

TILL: Red only goes up to the high rent district if he has one thing on his mind, and that’s the Cold Shot!

Red leaps off for the coup de grace, but at the last second Justin swings around and delivers two boots right to the mush.
TILL: A desperation counter from the True Face! Both men are down.

Ref Yamaguchi starts a standing ten count.

1…

2…

3…

4…

Red starts to stand on wobbly legs

5…

Justin rolls to the ropes.

6…

7…

Red is up.

8…

Justin is up!

Red tries to drive an axe handle down on Justin, but the True Face delivers a haymaker to Red’s stomach. Justin follows with a desperation German Suplex!

TILL: Now Red is down! Justin deposited him right on his skull, but can the True Face capitalize?

Justin crawls over, but Red is already making his way to his feet. Justin whips Red off the ropes and catches him with a leg lariat. He waits for Red to rise…

TILL: Justin is stalking Red…SKEETBOARD…

DR. P: NO! Red ducks!

TILL: But Justin lands on his feet. He spins around…..VMA! Out of nowhere!

Justin covers.

1…

2…

Red kicks out.

TILL: If Justin had more left in the tank he might have hooked the leg and gotten the win right there.

Justin pulls the groggy Red to his feet and sets him for another VMA…

TILL: Red blocks it…a lungblower! Red just drove both knees square into the kidneys of Justin. The champ is down on the mat and writhing in pain!

Red heads up top again, but the chorus of boos from the crowd turns his attention to the entrance way, where FF, Promo, Ravage and A take a leisurely stroll to ringside.

TILL: What are those bastards doing out here?

DR. P: Well I think the answer to that question would be self-evident; they want a closer look at the end of this somewhat dramatic match-up for their home organization’s most prestigious title.

The distraction allows Justin time to recover and he crotches Red up top. Justin heads up after him, while Ref Yamaguchi confronts the interlopers, but after some very stern words in Japanese from A, the ref bows apologetically.

TILL: I don’t like where this is going one bit. It looks like the fix is in.

DR. P: How scandalous! To accuse a professional wrestling match of being rigged! What deaf monkey gave you this job?

Justin delivers a massive Top Rope DDT to Red and both men are laid out on the canvas. A and FF enter the ring, while Ravage and Promo discuss current events with Ref Yamaguchi.

TILL: Red has been through a war, let the match end fairly.

But much to Till, and the crowd’s surprise it is Justin Evitable that is the target of FF and A’s wrath. FF and A lift Justin up and deliver a spiked A Bomb to the canvas.

TILL: What is going on here?!

A and FF roust Red who smiles and takes a hand getting back to his feet. FF rubs down Red’s shoulders as A stomps at the downed Justin Evitable.

TILL: IRISHRED HAS JOINED FORCES WITH PBPRO!

DR. P: Well, now that you have caught up with the rest of us, I must offer sincere applause for Red making the best career decision of his life. I, on behalf of our PbPro overlords, welcome the Midwestern Mafioso to the fold.

TILL: This makes me sick, why would Red turn on MBE like this?

DR. P: One might guess he finally came to his senses, and realized sticking his lot in with a bunch of losers and perverts was a fool’s gambit. But shush now, we have a match to finish calling.

Red heads up top as FF and A stretch out Justin on the mat and Red delivers the COLD SHOT!

DR. P: Ah! Fabulous! Certainly we will crown a new glorious PbPro 5-Crown Champion now.

Red covers as Ref Yamaguchi suddenly remembers he is on the clock.

1…

2…

3!

WINNER (and new PbPro Quintuple Crown Champion): IRISHRED

TILL: What a travesty! Red has betrayed MBE and all he holds dear.

DR. P: Now, now, don’t put words in his mouth, I am sure he has a rational explanation for making such a bold and savvy career move.

Red is handed the titles by PbPro and he humbly accepts them before slamming the Pacific Rim Title into Justin’s head as he tries to get to his feet. Red spits on Justin’s bloody carcass as he exits ringside and the fans little him with trash.

DR. P: That is no way to treat a world’s champion, let alone one five times over.

TILL: PbPro adds five more belts to their sham collection of titles.

DR. P: Red wouldn’t like it if he heard you saying that.

TILL: Since when do you give two ****s about what that deceitful little **** Irishred says.

DR. P: I have to admit, at some point in the match he won me over. Can’t say where, I mean it was a bravura performance from start to finish.

TILL: Folks, we will try to get a word in with Irishred, and we still have a steel cage grudge match coming up.

DR. P: Where no doubt our benevolent PbPro overlords will improve to two and oh on this evening’s festivities.

http://mbewrestling.com/

 

[Yori Yakamo jr]

The Judas Contract

We head backstage where the PbPro contingent is pouring champagne over the new PbPro Quintuple Crown Champion in front of their locker room. Intrepid MBE Reporter Biff Bentley hurries to the scene.

BB: Biff here backstage with Irishred. I have to ask, what the hell are you doing? For week you have been saying that you are here to do what is right for MBE. How can you justify that while joining PBPro?

RED: What do you think that Jogi Fresh is going to save MBE? Am I to put my faith in Andrew and Duchess? Doc is the one to lead us to the promised land? Is that it Biff? Or perhaps little Justin Case is finally going to get over and make MBE number one all by himself? I call bull****.

BB: But certainly this band you have chosen to align yourself with is no better.

RED: Biff I don't like these guys, I don't trust these guys and I certainly am not friends with any of them. But they at least will see that MBE doesn't die once again. They at least have some business sense unlike the whole of the Yakamo clan. They at least have the wrestling talent to defend the MBE legacy. I am the face of MBE. I am the bridge from past to present. I am the man who will drag MBE into the future and if I have to sell by God Damn soul to to it...then so be it. I do this for all of you...I do this for MBE.

FF takes the mic from Biff.

FF: Well, I don’t much care for Red here, either. But I know a smart businessman when I see one, and I know a tough bastard when I see one. Everyone else in the locker room better listen up and follow Red’s example. We’re not here to destroy MBE. Our friends and colleagues have a lot of money invested in this company, and we are here to make sure that it is as successful as possible. Red understands this. He only wants MBE to have the best possible leadership. This man can keep federations afloat, or he can bury them. Just ask Dan Ryan. Just as Nathan Houston. Oh, am I not supposed to say those names on MBE TV. Well, maybe if MBE could actually hang with the big boys, Yamada wouldn’t be so afraid of these boogeymen.

We’re here to make MBE into the finest and most profitable display of wrestling talent on the planet. You can ride first class, or you can ride in the back of Yori Yakamo’s ****ing Yugo. It doesn’t matter to me. But when it’s all said and done. PbPro has the money. PbPro has the talent. PbPro will be calling the shots. Now if you don’t mind, Biffarooni, my good buddy Promo here as a Gilkison to put out of his misery. It will be just like Old Yeller, except for the whole tragedy thing.

 

[Yori Yakamo jr]

STEEL CAGE GRUDGE MATCH- Promo v. Andy Gilkison

TILL: Months of hatred finally come to a climax in our next match. After last month’s indecisive conclusion and Promo’s less than stunning betrayal of MBE, this feud will come to an end inside an 18 foot high steel cage.

DR. P: Finally, Promo can dispatch with this Gilkinusiance and move on to bigger and better things.

TILL: That remains to be see, Doc. Our technicians and ring crew have finished lowering the cage over the ring and we are about ready to begin.

“I Stand Alone” begins to play and Promo emerges from the back with his now extended PbPro entourage in tow.

TILL: Obviously Promo does not stand alone in this match. No matter, though, as it will just be Promo alone in the ring with the Gilkinator and I don’t think all the moral support in the world will help him. Promo has wanted no part of this match all week, but there is no escaping it now.

DR. P: He’s not walking like a man afraid of Gilkison. And I see that like all cultured and genteel individuals, Promo is a Chicago Bears fan. That throwback Richard Dent jersey is just stunning.

TILL: The crowd would seem to disagree.

Promo shakes the support of the cage to test its sturdiness. He seems to approve.

DR. P: Promo looks supremely confident, as well he should.

TILL: His record against Andy would seem to speak otherwise, not to mention his behavior this week.

DR. P: Well no one asked you, Till, or Andy’s record.

“Highway to Hell” starts up and The Gilkinator strides resolutely down the rampway towards the steel-enclosed ring. Promo awaits his arrival inside the cage, but Red steps in front of Andy’s path. They exchange rather unpleasant words.

TILL: Andy and Red has never been the best of friends, and you have to think that Red’s actions have gotten under Andy’s craw.

Andy encourages Red to take a shot at him, but Red just puts up his hands. Of course, that doesn’t stop FF from pulling ye olde taser out of his briefcase and stunning Andy with it. Red and Ravage start laying in the boots as Andy convulses on the mats outside the ring.

TILL: Come on, the match hasn’t even started yet! These vultures are already trying to pick at Andy’s carcass. No wonder Promo looked so confident, this was all a set-up.

DR. P: You’re right Till, the match hasn’t started yet, so Andy is fair game. He should no better than to disrespect a living legend like Irishred.

Red hoists Andy to his feet and spears him headfirst into the cage. A and FF stomp away as the crowd boos vociferously.

TILL: But wait, here comes the cavalry!

Yori, Yamada, the sex robot, The Billies and Jimmy Donovan storm the ring, sending PbPro scurrying around the cage to safer ground. They check on Andy, but Andy shoves off their help and insists on getting in the ring to face Promo.

TILL: Andy is still looking for a fight.

DR. P: And that went so well for him thus far. Yamada opens the cage and says he and Yori will stay here to even the odds with the Sex Robot as the Special Enforcer.

TILL: Only in MBE, folks.

Andy enters the cage as the crow chants his name. Promo beckons the limping Andy on and the ref calls for the bell.

Promo attacks Andy before he is even through the ropes, spearing him into the corner. He stomps down on Andy’s chest as the Gilkinator convulses up against the turnbuckles.

DR. P: I am gonna go out on a limb here and use my powers of prognostication to predict a brisk, pleasant victory for the real MBE World Champion.

TILL: You’ve forsaken Doc already?

DR. P: Oh, if only they could meet to settle the issue, it would be like wrestling nirvana.

TILL: Well, they did both peak in the nineties, and are somewhat overrated

DR. P: Hardy har har.

Promo whips Andy into the far buckle and follows with another spear. As Andy crumples in the corner, the Underground Icon shoots the thumbs up to Yamada and Yori.
TILL: What a bastard.

DR. P: I have actually met both of Promo’s parents, they are very pleasant people, and certainly married at the time of Promo’s conception. They have me over for tea on occasion. Mrs. Promo makes wonderful scones… I’m sorry, did you not mean that literally? With your sub-fourth grade grasp of the English language makes it difficult for me to tell at times.

Promo drags Andy into the center of the ring and drops a running senton. He covers.

1…

2…

Andy kicks out.

DR. P: A dominating performance so far by the Underground Icon.

TILL: I am sure Freakfish’s tasering had nothing to do with it.

DR. P: Have you ever listened to Andy speak? He could use a little stimulation.

Another whip across the ring for Andy and he slams into the turnbuckles once more. Promo charges, but Andy snaps out of the corner and catches Promo in mid stride. He hoists the real world champion over his shoulder and slams him head first into the steal cage and then drops him throat first across the top rope.

TILL: Andy is up first and he is looking for a pound of flesh.

He decides to take it out of Promo’s scalp as he yanks Promo up by his mask and fires off a series of sickening headbutts before lifting Promo off his feet and dropping him on the mat with an overhead belly to belly suplex. Andy is clearly in pain, but he beckons Promo to his feet for more punishment.

TILL: Andy is taking the fight to Promo and this crowd is loving every second of it!

DR. P: Well demographically they probably love Nickleback and that American Idol show too, so there is no accounting for taste.

Promo backs into his corner and pulls himself up by the ropes. Andy wastes no time charging in, but his Stinger Splash misses and Promo catches him with a neckbreaker to regain control.

TILL: Andy maybe a little overaggressive there.

DR. P: Dumb is the word you are looking for.

Promo rolls to his feet and yanks Andy under the bottom turnbuckle. He slingshots the Gilkinator and his head hits the bottom tunbuckle and stays there as Promo stretches Andy over his knees.

TILL: A precarious position for the Gilkinator.

DR. P: And perfectly legal, I might add. And brilliant, as an additional addendum.

Promo stands back up and drags Andy to the center of the ring. He slingshots Andy a second time into the turnbuckles. As Andy stumbles woozily out of the corner, Promo schoolboys him and puts his feet on the ropes.

1…

2…

Andy kicks out.

TILL: Promo continues to use the rules of the match to his advantage, but he can’t put Andy away.

Promo follows up by hoisting Andy over his head and down to the mat with a wheelbarrow suplex.

TILL: An impressive feat of strength from Promo.

FF urges Promo to take it to Andy and Promo obliges, rubbing Andy’s face against the unforgiving steel of the cage and then slamming Andy’s head into it for punctuation. Promo stomps down on Andy’s face and the plasma begins to flow freely. Some boot scrapes add to the surge of blood from Andy’s forehead.

DR. P: Andy is simply being punished by Promo. I’m sure he deserves it, though.

In a startling feat of strength, Promo presses Andy over his head and drops him across his knee in a gutbuster. Promo adds to the humiliation by spanking Andy before rolling him to the mat.

TILL: Oh dear, I don’t think you should anger Andy like that.

DR. P: Well, when he comes to in the hospital, I am sure he will be wicked pissed.

The crowd boos ardently as FF almost falls over laughing. Andy is visibly upset but can’t get back to his feet as the blood covers his eyes and nose. Promo grabs Andy by the tights and slides him under the bottom rope and headfirst into the cage. Promo heads up top and leaps off, landing in between the ropes and the cage with both boots square on Andy’s shoulder blades.

TILL: My god! That looked devastating.

DR. P: Promo truly is the Innovator of Violence against. Andy Gilkison, and for that, I salute him.

TILL: I thought that title belonged to AJ Cirrus.

DR. P: Who?

Promo pulls Andy into the center of the ring and covers with one foot.

1…

2…

Andy kicks out!

TILL: A horribly nonchalant cover by Promo, the ring veteran should no better than to let up on Andy.

DR. P: He just wants to give Andy a sporting chance, obviously, Promo is not just some pitiless monster.

Promo cockily kicks Andy in the head a few times as the Gilkinator struggles to get to his feet.

TILL: Promo has Andy up…Cradle Piledriver!

DR. P: Competently executed, as always.

Promo covers…

1…

2…

Andy kicks out!

TILL: There is no quit in The Gilkinator.

DR. P: And not much blood left.

Promo whips Andy into the far ropes. He sets Andy for a Tilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker, but Andy slips free and lands on his feet. He stuns Promo with another headbutt. Andy stammers back as well from the force of the blow, but when Promo goes for a dropkick, Andy sidesteps and the Underground Icon crashes to the mat. He is up quickly, but Andy meets him with a gigantic lariat that spins Promo around before he lands on the mat.

TILL: Both men are down.

Andy pushes himself to his feet as Promo gets up. He unleashes the fists of fury, backing Promo into the corner as the crowd reaches a fevered pitch.

TILL: Irish whip into the far corner. Stinger Splash! Promo is on dream street.

DR. P: Dreams filled with imminent victory, no doubt.

TILL: Do you even watch the matches, Phantasmo?

DR. P: I call it like I see it Till.

TILL: Then I’d schedule an appointment with your ophthalmologist, stat.

Andy busts out his trusty rolling germans as the crowd counts along. Promo grabs the ropes before Andy can deliver number four, so Andy headbutts Promo in the back of his skull. He hoists his legs up, draping his neck over the top rope and kicks Promo right in the nuts.

DR. P: Foul! Foul!

TILL: Andy, using the rules of the match to his advantage, just blasted Promo in the nuts, and thus fulfilled the dreams of most of the locker room.

Promo writhes on the mat in agony, but there is not respite for the former champion as Andy lifts him up and slams his head into the cage as the crowd counts along with each of the ten shots. Then for good measure Andy throws Promo over his knee and starts spanking him.

DR. P: An outrage to treat a man of class and valor like that. An outrage I say!

Andy flops Promo onto the mat and heads up top.

TILL: Andy already beat Promo once with a Frogsplash, can he do it again.

Andy leaps off the top and delivers a massive Frogsplash, bouncing himself a full foot of of the canvas. Andy clutches at his ribs, but manages to roll onto his prone opponent.

1…

2…

Promo gets a shoulder up!

DR. P: No! Promo fights onward. He fights the good fight!

TILL: An impressive show of fortitude from The Underground Icon, but he needs to turn the tide and fast, cause Andy is signaling for the Gilkimission!

He gets Promo in his grasp, but the wily champion charges headlong into the cage, ducking at the last second, sending Gilkie headfirst into the steel.

TILL: Quick thinking from Promo may have saved his bacon there.

Promo struggles to steady himself as Andy shakes off the cobwebs. Promo tries for his version of the Kata Hajime, The Fadeout, but Andy counters and slips behind Promo. He looks for the Gilkimission again, but Promo blocks. Andy gives it up and goes for another German, but Promo elbows out, before slipping behind Andy and applying an Ab Stretch. He works it for a bit before lifting Andy up from that position and dropping him for a backbreaker.

TILL: Both men are reaching down deep for that last bit to put their opponent away.

Promo tries to set Andy for the Promo Plex. Although he is able to get Andy on the top turnbuckle. Andy holds onto the ringpost and the cage for dear life as Promo tries to pry him off. FF lends a helping hand by tossing a chair at Andy’s hands, but that brings Yamada and Yori over with some chairs of their own. A brawl erupts outside as the match continues in the ring.

TILL: It’s pandemonium in New Orleans!

DR. P: Yamada is conducting himself like some common thug, not a respected businessman. For shame!

Promo gives up on the Promoplex, instead grasping Andy’s outstretched arm and applying a Fadeout.

TILL: FADEOUT! ANDY IS IN TROUBLE!

DR. P: TAPOUT YOU ILLITERATE BASTARD!

Andy struggles to free himself, but there is really nowhere to go. Finally he frees his legs and pushes off the cage, falling back and driving his weight into Promo’s chest as they both fall to the mat. Promo refuses to break the hold, though.

DR. P: HAHA! NOWHERE FOR YOU TO GO NOW ANDY!

TILL: Things have gone from bad to worse for the Gilkinator.

Promo rolls Andy off of him, the hold still sunk in tight. Andy struggles to get back to his feet, but as the blood rolls down his face and over Promo’s arm, locked tightly around his throat, Andy begins to fade.

DR. P: Stop the match ref. It’s over!

TILL: I will let the official be the judge of that.

DR. P: Well, if you too want to see Andy reduced to unconsciousness, I can’t argue too vehemently.

TILL: That’s not what I said.

DR. P: Of course not. But we both know how you feel Till, deep down.

Andy slumps to the canvas as the ref checks on him. He raises Andy’s arm.

It drops once…

It drops twice…

TILL: It’s Up! Andy is still in it!

Amazingly, Andy powers up to his feet as FF calls the ref all manner of frauds and Promo’s eyes bug out from behind his mask.

DR. P: This is impossible. Andy must be using some sort of illegal medical products. No one escapes the Fadeout!

TILL: I only call what I see, Doc P.

Andy gets Promo up onto his back as Promo cinches on the Fadeout for dear life. Andy uses his free arm to position Promo’s head over his own before dropping to the canvas, delivering a sick jawbreaker in the process.

TILL: Andy is free! Both men are down!

The ref administers his ten count.

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

Promo is on all fours, rubbing his jaw.

6…

Andy sits up, blood staining his chest and still pouring from his head.

7…

Promo is up to one knee.

8…

Andy grasps at the ropes, pulling his body weight up, chest heaving as he tries to get oxygen back in his lungs.

9…

Promo is up! Andy is up!

TILL: It all comes down to this, who wants it more.

Andy and Promo exchange right hands in the center of the ring. Neither man gives an inch, and neither wants to be the first to drop. Andy adds some knee lifts, but there is not much on them. Promo fires a flurry of chops to back Andy off, but Andy cracks his skull into Promo’s again, and both men drop to a knee. Promo leaps and hits Andy square in the chest with a drop kick. He quickly tries for the Fade Out again as Andy rises, but Andy gets behind him again, and after a series of short elbow strikes to the back of Promo’s head, he finally catches his opponent with the Gilkination DDT.

TILL: A big time move from Andy!

Andy covers.

1…

2…

Promo gets a shoulder up.

DR. P: But not big time enough to put away the Underground Icon. I don’t think Gilkison has it in him to get the job done, Till.

TILL: We’ll see Andy has Promo up…ANDYBO….

DR. P: No! Promo lands on his feet. He is throwing everything he has at Andy. Chops and elbows. Andy is reeling.

Promo lands a series of straight rights as Andy’s knees start to buckle, but the Gilkinator explodes with an uraken that nearly breaks Promo’s jaw. Promo drops to both knees. Andy sets him for the grand finale.

TILL: ANDYBOMBAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Say goodnight Promo!

DR. P: Impossible! Not like this!

Andy covers.

1…

2…

DR. P: YES! PROMO’S SHOULDER IS UP! TAKE THAT GILKIPUNK! GO CRY TO YOUR GILKIMAMA!

TILL: The crowd can’t believe it! Andy can’t believe it! The match goes on.

Andy checks with the ref who confirms the two count. Andy tries to stand, but his rubbery legs won’t hold any weight as he stumbles up against the ropes, and tries to wipe the blood out of his eyes. Promo lays on the mat, exhausted.

TILL: What is Andy doing? He can barely stand! He’s climbing the cage.

DR. P: The fool! He should just try to put Promo away now! All this showing off for the fans will be the death of him.

TILL: I have to say I agree with you, Phantasmo.

Andy unsteadily climbs the cage. He gets about halfway up when he glances back and sees Promo getting to his feet, and lumbering towards the cage.

TILL: Andy is in a precarious position now!

Promo starts to climb up after him.

DR. P: Oh, I don’t know if I can bear to watch.

TILL: Well, your commentary shouldn’t suffer.

The warring factions stop their brawling outside to look up as well. Andy makes the top of the cage, but Promo has him by the tights and is trying to yank him down.

TILL: There is only one way for this to end…badly

Andy awkwardly tries to kick Andy off, but barely keeps his balance in the process. Promo pulls himself up so they are side by side at the top of the cage. Promo tries to lock in a waistlock for a GIGANTO PROMOPLEX, but Andy refuses to let go of the cage. Andy uses one free hand and jams it into Promo’s eye. A second handful of eyeball and Promo breaks the hold and grasps the cage blindly to avoid a rather steep drop.

DR. P: Shenanigans!

TILL: It’s a cage match Phantasmo, and you are complaining about an eye poke? Besides, I thought you couldn’t bear to watch.

Andy slaps on the Gilkimission.

TILL: He’s got it!

DR. P: Now, I hardly think the ref will be able to see a tapout from down there, not that Promo would ever tap out to such a feeble hold, mind you.

TILL: I think Andy has something else on his mind, Doc.

DR. P: You don’t mean…

TILL: GILKIMISSION PLEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!

Andy and Promo fall earthward off the steel cage, Promo deposited right on his neck. Both men bounce a good eighteen inches off the canvas and land in a heap.

TILL: MY GOD! That was unbridled hatred spilling over into abject insanity!

DR. P: Is it safe to look yet?

TILL: Absolutely not.

Andy manages to roll Promo over and cover with one arm.

1…

2…

3!

WINNER: ANDY GILKISON

TILL: Folks, I can’t begin to describe what we have just witnessed.

DR. P: Why god, why?

Yamada unlocks the cage and Yori and he tend to Gilkison as PbPro collects their fallen champion.

TILL: I don’t know if either man will ever be the same. But Andy emerges victorious and has made quite a statement tonight. If I was holding MBE gold I would have my eye firmly planted on Andrew Gilkison in the coming weeks.

DR. P: Assuming he can get down solid foods by then. It might have been a Pyrrhic victory for The Gilkinator.

TILL: Then what was it for Promo?

DR. P: I don’t want to talk about it.

TILL: Next up, tag team gold is on the line!

 

[Yori Yakamo jr]

MBE World Heavyweight Championship Match- Duchess v. Doc Silver (c)

TILL: It’s finally here, our main event for the evening, our despicable, loathsome world champion battles the MBE original and first lady of MBE, Duchess.

DR. P: MBE…fair and balanced.

TILL: Doc P, the only reason I made it through the last three hours of your mind numbing drivel was the chance to see Duchess finally climb the mountain and take out your favorite wrestler.

DR. P: Well, I think you will be sorely disappointed. Doc will be victorious over this wrestling wench.

TILL: History is not on Doc’s side, you must admit.

DR. P: History schmistory, you can’t encapsulate the greatness of Doc Silver in the pages of some history book. It must be seen, it must be felt. You must bear witness to the man himself. We are lucky to be this close to the statuesque figure himself.

TILL: That was some A1 dodging of my point their Phantasmo.

DR. P: Thank you, Till.

TILL: Let’s toss it up to Vinman.

VINMAN: Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for the main event! The following contest is set for one fall with a sixty-minute time limit and is for the MBE World Heavyweight Championship! Your referee is senior MBE official Lance Thunder…

“That Don’t Impress Me Much” plays on the loudspeaker and Duchess arrives in the arena. She presses the flesh with the enthusiastic crowd.

TILL: Duchess is an inspiration to young women everywhere.

DR. P: Yes kids, you too can parlay kicking Bobby R into the nuts into a completely undeserved wrestling career.

TILL: How witty, Phantasmo. Regardless, Duchess has two wins over our champion, and lucky number three may find her with the richest prize in our sport around her waist.

DR. P: When stinky dead trouts fly.

The music stops and you can hear many women screaming for Duchess. She smiles and waves to the crowd. She is quickly interrupted by the sounds of Garbage. Doc Silver walks out onto the rampway under a shower of confetti mixed with a shower of boos. The MBE World Heavyweight Championship hangs around his waist as he struts to ringside, accompanied, as usual, by The Green Machine and Dan Dority.

TILL: No surprise that Doc brings out his hired goons.

DR. P: I believe the politically correct term is henchmen, Till. Besides, Greenie and Dority should just be able to put their feet up, crack open a cold one and enjoy the show. Of course, they might want to shotgun the drinks if they want to finish them before Doc is done dispatching this so-called challenger.

VINMAN: To my right is the challenger, she stands five foot five inches tall and weighs an…undisclosed amount…She is a founding member of Morals and Marketing, Bobby R’s Worst Nightmare, and the First Lady of MBE. This…is… DUCCHHHHHEESSSSSSS!

And to my left, standing six feet tall and weighing in at two hundred and twenty pounds, he is the MBE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…DOC! SIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLVVVVVVVEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!

The boos for Doc slowly subside, replaced by murmurs of anticipation for the opening bell. Doc stretches in the corner while Duchess leans against the ropes staring her opponent down.

TILL: Senior Referee Lance Thunder calls for the bell, and our main event is underway!

Doc charges in full bore as Duchess turns around. The first lady of MBE nimbly sidesteps the world champ and Doc goes crashing into the turnbuckles.

TILL: An inauspicious start for Doc Silver.

DR. P: Don't worry, Doc is the master of the slow start.

TILL: Followed by some bleeding, blatant cheating, and then a cheap ill-gotten victory?

DR. P: Something like that.

Doc regains his footing but finds himself on the business end of a hip toss from Duchess. She follows up with a lightning quick legdrop across Doc's throat.

TILL: Duchess is all business tonight.

DR. P: Funny, I didn't see Doc leave a fifty on the turnbuckle before we started.

TILL: Of all the multitude of Duchess is a whore jokes I have heard over the years, that may have been the lamest.

DR. P: I strive to be superlative in all aspects of my commentary, you doddering ignoramus.

Doc tries to roll out of the ring, but Duchess cuts him off and rolls him back, then adds a logroll across Doc's back before crushing the back of Doc's skull with another legdrop.

She covers…

1…

2…

Doc kicks out.

TILL: Doc is trying to get off the schnide against Duchess, but if the action thus far is any indication, the losing streak looks safe.

Duchess whips Docs into the ropes and catches the champ with a dropkick. Doc blunder's back into the ropes and falls out to the floor.

TILL: Ladies and gentlemen, your MBE World Champion.

DR. P: I'm sure Doc is just lulling Duchess into a false sense of security.

Duchess rolls under the bottom rope and grabs Doc by his ankle as the champ crawls around on his hands and knees. Duchess punts him right between the ribs and Doc flops onto his back. Duchess hops up onto the apron and moonsaults off, landing across Doc's chest.

TILL: A stupendous move from the challenger. Duchess showed some fierce aerial skills on the moonsault.

DR. P: She should be careful about torching her knees though, they are her bread and butter, if you know what I mean.

TILL: We all know what you mean, Phantasmo.

Duchess rolls Doc into the ring and follows as the ref's count reaches eight. She covers.

1…

Doc gets his foot on the rope.

Duchess whips Doc into the corner and follows with a running back elbow. As Doc stumbles out of the corner, Duchess hits a springboard bulldog on the champ. She covers again.

1…

2…

Doc kicks out.

TILL: Doc has spent most of this match on his back.

DR. P: Which is usually Duchess's preferred….

TILL: We know, Doc P. We know.

DR. P: I predict a stirring Doc comeback that will win over the hearts and minds of the city.

Duchess goes for a huricanrana but Doc blocks and dumps Duchess back on her feet where he promptly pokes her in the eye,

TILL: Or he'll just cheat like a bastard.

DR. P: STIRRING! It tugs at my heart strings to see a man overcome so much.

Doc follows with a running knee lift and shakes the cobwebs off. He hoists Duchess for a suplex and walks around the ring before depositing her to the canvas.

DR. P: An impressive show of strength from our world champion. Of course, it would be even more impressive if Duchess didn't weigh about…

TILL: I have to warn you every week, don't I?

DR. P: What?

Doc hits a picture perfect fallaway slam on the challenger before making his first cover of the match.

1…

2…

Duchess kicks out.

DR. P: Doc showing why he is the greatest wrestler, well, let's be honest, ever.

TILL: I can think of a few men who might argue that claim, well, dozens really.

Doc presses Duchess over his head and does a few reps with his smaller opponent. However, his challenger shakes one of his arms and breaks his grasp. Duchess transitions oh so smoothly into a crucifix hold.

1…

2…

Doc kicks out.

TILL: That is the danger of Duchess, she can pull victory out of the hat at any time. All it takes is one moment of less than perfect mental acuity, and the match is over.

DR. P: Fortunately Doc is as sharp as a CPA's Ticonderoga #2.

TILL: This is the same man who was walking around with a giant paperweight in a box thinking it was the head of a giant sex robot.

Doc is up to his feet first and cuts off Duchess immediately with a diving lariat. Doc points to his razor sharp brain before dropping a leg across Duchess's left arm.

DR. P: Ah, the marquis of matanomics, the professor of pro wrestling, the grand wazir of grappling, Doc Silver goes to work.

TILL: How eloquent Phantasmo, it's amazing the Cable Ace Awards haven't come calling yet. But yes, Doc is smartly trying to take control of this match by targeting Duchess's left arms and remove some of the leverage for her flash pins and signature submission holds.

DR. P: Exactly what I was going to say.

TILL: Eventually, I'm sure

DR. P: And with more alliteration.

Doc stretches Duchess's arm over his knee and leverages back, tearing at the challenger's elbow. Duchess spins her body around to try and alleviate some of the pressure, but eventually has to find the ropes. Doc takes his time breaking the hold.

TILL: Doc needs to watch himself, we've seen DQs in recent weeks because of failure to break holds in the ropes.

DR. P: Yeah, I'm sure Doc is worried about losing his title by DQ…oh wait, no, no he isn't.

TILL: Yes, Duchess has to beat Doc, not the other way around, it is the champion's advantage.

Duchess makes her way back to a vertical base, but quickly eats an arm drag into an arm bar, as Doc keeps up the pressure. Duchess makes her way back to her feet again and tries to roll out of the hold, but Doc slams her back to the mat (with a handful of hair, of course), and scissors her arm between his legs before dropping a knee across her rotator cuff.

DR. P: Doc has shown all facets of his wrestling excellence this evening.

TILL: I didn't realize crawling around the mats like a crying infant counted as wrestling excellence.

DR. P: If Doc does it, it can't help but be as you say, excellent.

Doc tries to segue into a cross armbreaker, but Duchess knows the hold well and quickly locks her arms together to block it. Doc tries to kick Duchess' hands apart, but the First Lady of MBE rolls Doc up onto his shoulders.

1…

2…

Doc kicks out.

TILL: Doc escapes that pin attampt, but he has to give up on his submission hold in the process.

Duchess tries to get the blood flowing to her arm again as Doc regains his footing. Doc walks into a Duchess chop, but he chops right back. They go back and forth with Duchess finally getting the better of the exchange and reeling off ten crackling knife-edge chops in a row. Doc responds with an eyepoke. Duchess responds in kind.

DR. P: A cheat! I smell a cheat! Duchess is a cheating ratfink cheat!

TILL: And you wonder why people take you less seriously than Steven A. Smith.

Duchess goes for a dropkick, but Doc manages to catch her out of his one good eye and sidestep. Duchess crashes to the mat, and Doc makes sure she stays there by reeling off about a dozen short elbow drops. He goes for a cover at the end of his elbow flurry.

1…

2…

Duchess kicks out.

Doc immediately grabs Duchess' arm and pulls her onto her stomach and into a Fujiwara armbar.

DR. P: Doc is putting on a technical wrestling clinic.

TILL: Plus a special bonus seminar on poking people in the eye.

DR. P: He is quite the giver.

Duchess tries to wriggle out of the hold, but Doc's superior size gives him all the leverage he needs to keep Duchess firmly in the center of the ring. Senior Referee Lance Thunder asks Duchess if she wants to quit, but the challenger is having none of that notion.

TILL: Duchess is trying to pull herself to the bottom rope, but it is a near Herculean task for the First Lady of MBE

DR. P: Well, like myself and Doc Silver, Hercules was all man, so Duchess may be out of luck there.

TILL: She's done it! Duchess manages to drape her leg over the bottom rope. The ref is ordering Doc to break the hold. Doc doesn't look to eager.

DR. P: Well, maybe if he'd asked politely.

The ref pries Doc off Duchess and the challenger rolls out to the floor, cradling her left arm. She is quickly cornered by Dority and Greenie who ‘encourage her’ to get back in the ring.

TILL: Dority just slammed Duchess’ arm over the apron and Ref Thunder saw none of it.

DR. P: Well, he had his hands full helping Doc get that dust out of his eye.

Duchess is rolled back into the ring and Doc starts stomping away on her arm. Doc looks for the Ace’s Full Stunner as she stands, but Duchess catches Doc’s foot and spins him around, dropping Silver with a desperation superkick as he comes about face.

TILL: A big counter by Duchess, and the crowd has exploded.

DR. P: That is hardly going to be enough to keep Doc down.

Indeed, Doc is up first and he quickly posts Duchess in the corner. He pulls her off the turnbuckle and tries to take her down for another fujiwara armbar, but Duchess counters and rolls him up.

1…

2…

Doc kicks out.

TILL: Duchess was a split second away from capturing the MBE World Heavyweight Championship! Doc needs to focus better.

Doc is up to his feet quickly and again tries to post Duchess. This time the First Lady of MBE lands feet first on the middle turnbuckle and bounces off with a backflip Sliced Bread #2.

TILL: MY WORD! An amazing move from Duchess. She has just turned the tide of this match-up!

DR. P: That was fairly…impressive.

TILL: I know how much it pained you to say that Phantasmo, and it makes it all the sweeter to my ears.

Duchess is still cradling her injured arm, but she rolls over and attempts a pin.

1…

2…

Doc kicks out!

DR. P: Fortunately, Doc Silver is just a plain old tough bastard.

Duchess is up first now and it laying the wood to Doc with her good arm. Knife-edge chops back the champion into the corner and Duchess mounts the turnbuckle and rains down ten punches as the crowd counts along. She follows with a monkey flip out of the corner and Doc splats in the center of the ring.

TILL: Duchess is stomping the mat. She is looking for another superkick.

Doc clears the cobwebs and turns to face Duchess as the challenger lunges forward for a superkick. Doc instinctively sidesteps and Duchess misses. Doc fires a superkick of his own, but Duchess ducks. Doc smoothly moves to a DDT attempt but Duchess grabs his legs and flips over into a jackknife hold.
1…

2…

DR. P: Doc kicked out! You can’t keep a good man down!

Both competitors struggle to their feet, exhaustion starting to set in. Duchess leaps onto Doc’s shoulders and looks for a rana roll-up, but Doc blocks it and redeposits her on her feet before doubling her over with a kick to the gut and delivering a massive Ace’s Full Stunner! Doc covers.

1…

2…

TILL: Duchess gets her shoulder up. The First Lady of MBE is after the big gold belt and Doc can’t quite put her away.

DR. P: Doc has Duchess up on his back. It’s time for The River! There will be no bad beats for Doc tonight!

TILL: Your hip poker lingo is always a treat there, Phantasmo.

DR. P: Duchess is all-in and things aren’t looking good!

TILL: Duchess wriggles free. Sunset flip! Duchess rolls through and bridges over into another jackknife hold.

1…

2…

3!

TILL: SHE’S DONE IT! SHE’S DONE IT! Duchess has won the MBE World Heavyweight Championship!

WINNER (and new MBE World Heavyweight Champion): DUCHESS

The crowd explodes as Duchess rolls to her feet in shock. She asks the ref if it was three and he confirms it. Meanwhile Dority and Greenie are berating the ref.

TILL: What sore losers!

DR. P: Are you kidding me? Am I the only one that saw Doc’s arms on the bottom rope!

Doc is grasping the bottom rope and cursing a blue streak. But Ref Thunder says he saw nothing. He takes the belt from the timekeeper and is about to hand it to Duchess, who is shedding tears of joy. Suddenly, “Throne of Blood” hits on the PA and Yamada solemnly walks out onto the rampway.

DR. P: Thankfully, that rat bastard Yamada will set things right.

YAMADA: Duchess…I’m sorry. I can’t let the belt change hands this way. I know the referee’s decision is always final, but Lance, you missed it bud. I don’t like it, the fans aren’t gonna like it, but Doc had his arm on the bottom rope. Okay, the production truck has it, put it on the big screen.

The pinfall is shown from a reverse angle and Doc clearly grabs the bottom rope before the three count in complete.

TILL: This is quite an unfortunate turn of events for Duchess.

DR. P: It’s the right call, Till, and that is all that matters.

Lance hands the belt back to the timekeeper and orders the match restarted. The crowd’s boos turns to chants for Duchess. Doc finishes powwowing with his team and reenters the ring.

Duchess doesn’t even wait for Doc to get to his feet, charging over and stomping the crap out of the world champion.

TILL: Duchess has had a taste of the world title and she is not going to stop until it is hers.

Duchess has Doc up and whips him into the corner. She charges in furiously and drives a clothesline into Doc’s chest before adding a running bulldog out of the corner. She covers

1…

2…

Doc kicks out.

Duchess doesn’t hesitate, immediately heading to the high rent district.

TILL: Duchess is looking for a knockout blow.

DR. P: All that gold has gone to her head; this could be a huge mistake.

Duchess poises herself on the top rope as Doc struggles to get to his feet. Duchess leaps high and comes down for a massive crossbody. Doc is slammed to the mat, but somehow manages to roll through. He grabs a handful of tights for good measure.

1…

TILL: That dirty cheat!

2…

TILL: Duchess kicks out at 2.9! Doc’s cheating ways won’t get the job done tonight!

Duchess confirms with the ref that it was only a two count as Doc ‘adjusts’ his tights. Duchess waits for Doc to get up and shoots for a schoolboy. She grabs Doc’s leg and tries to twist him over for her signature ankle lock, but Doc rolls through and ends up on top of Duchess where he cracks a right hand off her forehead and Duchess goes limp.

TILL: What the heck just happened!

DR. P: Doc just knocked Duchess out, clearly. Sometimes he doesn’t know his own strength.

Doc stumbles to his feet and flops in the corner. Greenie checks on him and it appears that Doc hands him something, but the cameras can’t quite tell.

TILL: Doc must have just used some kind of foreign object.

DR. P: I don’t know what you are talking about. Doc doesn’t need anything to get the job done but his two hambones and his brilliant tactical mind.

TILL: This is a disgrace!

DR. P: Prove it, Till!

Doc hoists Duchess up for The River, and the challenger lands hard. Duchess falls unconscious, face first to the mat.

TILL: Yamada tried so hard to protect the integrity of the belt, only for this to happen. This is a damn, damn shame.

DR. P: I seriously don’t know what you are talking about. If you could provide me with some photographic evidence of Doc’s malfeasance I would be happy to reconsider your contention.

Doc rolls Duchess over and covers as the crowd litters the ring with trash.

1…

2…

3!

WINNER (and still MBE World Heavyweight Champion): DOC SILVER

TILL: Folks, you have just witnessed a miscarriage of justice. I can’t prove it…

DR. P: Damn right you can’t, and I would stop slandering our World Champ if I were you.

TILL: Phantasmo, sometimes I just want to punch you right in your fat face.

DR. P: I will chalk that unfortunate comment up to the delirium of just watching our fine World Champ in action.

Doc wastes no time, grabbing the belt from the timekeeper and heading out of dodge with his gang in tow.

DR. P: Doc must have scheduled in early plane flight. He’s not even stopping to bask in the glow of his adoring fans.

TILL: Yeah, I am sure that is the reason. Folks, we are just about out of time here at MBE Evolution. What an ending to an incredible night! Doc Silver retains his world championship and I die a little bit inside.

DR. P: A win-win night for me!

TILL: We’ll see you Wednesday Night for W….aw **** it.

TILL clunks his headset down and kicks over his chair before going to check on Duchess, still out in the ring.

DR. P: Well, unprofessionalism aside, I am sure Till meant to say, join us for WNW, live from Binghamton, New York. This is Dr. Phantasmo, signing off. Go Doc Silver!

The MBE logo appears on the screen as Lance and Till check on Duchess and we fade to black.