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LVW Grand Opening (1)


League Member
Nov 5, 2005
(MUSIC UP: “Two Shots of Happy, One Shot of Sad (Hot Nugget Remix) – Matt Dusk)

(OPEN TO: Swooping helicopter shots of the Las Vegas skyline! From the Stratosphere, to the east to the Wynn, shooting straight south to Caesar’s Palace, circling all around to point to the south past the Paris Eiffel Tower and the Bellagio…)

V/O: “TONIGHT, we bring you the BEGINNING of PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING as it’s never been DONE BEFORE!”



(…The helicopter zooms in on the broadside of the MANDALAY BAY)

V/O: “Coming to you from the HOUSE OF BLUES at MANDALAY BAY, get ready for the glitz, the glammer, and the gore! Get ready for LAS! VEGAS! WRRRRRRRRESTLINNNNNNNG!”

(CUTTO: The inside of the House of Blues! Strobe lights zoom through the room from the “LVW” Vegas-sign logo above the stage area, and the crowd is going bonkers!)


(The camera zooms through the crowd – guys in tuxes in the front row, drunks leaning over the balcony, an “ELEGANT BOOKING IS BACK” sign hanging off the rafters, honeys in super-tight shirts, fratboys, suits – they’re all here!)

(CUTTO: Shot of the middle of the “FULLTILTPOKER.NET” ring, where the man of slicked-back hair and whispy porn mustache, JEFF MAYES, decked out in his finest suit stands with mike in hand, gleaming with a big smile, with his broadcast partner, SIR SIMON SMITH, wearing a plaid number straight off the 50% off racks at the Outlet Center, holding his own mic and looking at the crowd in disgust!)



MAYES: “Ladies and Gentlemen –“

SMITH: “I see no such thing in this crowd of thugs! (BOOS!) All I see are nancyboy trust-fund babies throwing around daddy’s money on the throw of the dice! (BOOS!)

MAYES: “Something you know about very well, SIR Simon Smith (Some laughs from the crowd.) It’s a wonder that you haven’t gone and blown through your first check for this gig already.”

SMITH: “(Pointing a stern finger) Give me time, Jeff. All it takes is one heater to get back to even!”

MAYES: “LADIES and GENTLEMEN, we have FOUR big matches for you tonight! In our Main Event, The Last Goth Monster, Mitch Grey, will do battle with the Vegas Cowboy, James Donovan!”

SMITH: “Both guys are as skeezy as this hole of a city! (BOOS!) Grey’s been locked up in his room all day, no one’s seen him! And I saw Donovan on my drive from Pahrump this morning! (MAYES shoots a stare!) Don’t look at me like that, MAYES, I had some personal business to take care of, and I’m sure the Cowboy got ridden hard as well! (The crowd CHEERS!) See! I can toy with these people like I toyed tha-“

MAYES: “WHOA whoa whoa! That’s enough of THAT talk from you, Smith! Because we are about to be in the presence of Las Vegas Greatness!”

SMITH: “You got me already!”

MAYES: “Not YOU, SIR. Again, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, at this TIME, I’d like for you to join me in welcoming our special guest… he’s a LEGEND in this city! And he’s been brought in by the big man writing the checks to kickoff Las Vegas Wrestling in ELEGANT fashion! We are pleased to welcome, MISTER LAS VEGAS HIMSELF…. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYNNNNNNNNNNNE NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW-TUUHHHHHHHHNNNN!

(The crowd ROARS and CUTTO the curtain under the LVW logo opening up, and there he is! WAYNE NEWTON, in his finest white suit, flashes his pearly white smile and raises a hand to acknowledge the cheers of the people! WAYNE walks down the mini-ramp from the stage to ringside, slapping hands with the faithful, two security goons walking behind him, and he hits the corner stairs, stepping his way up to the ring! MAYES opens up the ropes for WAYNE NEWTON, letting him into the ring with more cheers from the crowd, giving him the love! MAYES shakes NEWTON’S hand, as does a smug SIR SIMON SMITH, and they depart to their ringside table, leaving WAYNE NEWTON with the mic!)


WAYNE NEWTON: “Why… (More CHEERS, louder than ever!) Thank you. Thank you. (LOUD applause from the crowd!)”

(Ruffle of headphones…)

MAYES (V/O): “Listen to this crowd!”

SMITH (V/O): “Bunch of drunks, all of ‘em!”

WAYNE NEWTON: “Thank you, everybody, I really appreciate it… I, my good friend who’s running all this… he told me a few months back he had this new wrestling thing starting up here in Las Vegas, and I told him ‘Yunno J, I’m as big a fan of wrestling as there is in this city, and I want to do something special on your first show.’, and he said in that goofy way of his, ‘Why… Wayne, yours truly would be delighted for you to be there.’ And I told him, ‘You know what? I’m going to go out there, and give them a show!’ (CHEERS! And the lights dim, darkening the room, leaving a spotlight on WAYNE NEWTON! The strum of a guitar starts up in the HOB over the speakers!)

WAYNE NEWTON: “Are you ready for a show? (Everybody cheers again!) (In a quiet loving voice) Ladies… are you ready?” (The girls scream in delight!)

“DAAAAAAAN-KE SCHOEN! (The ladies scream some more!) , darrrrrrrrrling Danke Schoen! Thank you foooooorrrrrr… all the joy and paaaaain… Picture shoooooows, second balconeeeeeeeeee, - was the place we’d meet – second seat – go Dutch seat – you were sweet –

DAAAAAAAAAN-KE SCHOEN! Darrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrling Danke Schoennnnnnnn! (The cameras zoom around the room, the crowd swaying their arms in the air in the darkness, putting on the lighters!) Save those liessssssss, darling don’t explainnnnnn… I recalllllllll… Central Park in fallllllllll… how you tore your dress – what a mess – I confess – that’s not all –

DAAAAAAAAAN-KE SCHOEN! Darrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrling Danke Schoennnnnnnn! Thank you forrrrrrrrr…. Walks down Lover’s Lannnnnnnnnnne! I can seeeeeeeee… hearts carved on a treeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… Letter’s intertwined – for all time – yours and mine – that was fine –

(The music kicks up!)


(eeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeee… LOUD FEEDBACK from the mic, the shot zooms back into the ring, the house lights rush back up, and there’s an ANGRY man in the ring staring down WAYNE NEWTON, holding his mic!)

MAYES (V/O): “WHO the HELL is THAT?”

SMITH (V/O): “I’ve got no idea, Mayes!”

(The crowd gets rowdy as the angry man, a big built black guy with a scraggly beard and loosely napped hair is STARING down WAYNE NEWTON – the camera zooms in on his face at what looks like a glass right eye!)

MAYES (V/O): “Look at the look in his EYES, Smith!”

SMITH (V/O): “He’s only got one as far as I can tell!”

(NEWTON starts gesturing at the mystery man, who’s breathing deep and heavy, bringing the mic to his lips - )

MYSTERY GUY: “Do you - want to buy - INSURANCE?”

(WAYNE NEWTON stares at him cross-eyed, and SNATCHES the mic back to the roar of the crowd!)

WAYNE NEWTON: “Who the HELL (popping a finger right into the guy’s chest!) do YOU – THINK – YOU – ARE! Do YOU know who I AM? (The crowd getting loud!) Do YOU know who YOU just MESSED WITH? (MYSTERY GUY’S face starts to shake in anger!) Lemme tell you who I am – I am MISTER - LAS - VEGAS! I am WAYNE NEWTON (Cheers!) – I MADE THIS TOWN (More cheers!) – I KNOW THE RIGHT PEOPLE – I WILL HAVE YOU DESTROYED FOR THIS! (Cheers!)”

“(Indignant) Insurance? I don’t need any insurance in Vegas - I AM A LEGEND IN THIS TOW-“ (BAM!!!!! THE CROWD GOES APE****!)


SMITH: “We’ve got chaos here Mayes! Look at the security suits, they’re storming this damn ring!”

MAYES: “That guy… HE’S ON THE RUN!”

(MYSTERY GUY jumps over the guardrail and into the crowd! The security suits give chase after him as he blasts through the fans, knocking over one of the Tux Crew as he bolts for the exit!)

MAYES: “Oh God folks we have mayhem already – SOMEBODY get some help out here! We’ve got a legend down in the ring!”

SMITH: “That bastard had it coming to him one of these days!”

MAYES: “WOULD YOU STOP? SOMEONE, get some help!”

(Security rush the ring from the back, and dive into the ring! They quickly surround NEWTON and check on his head as he slowly starts to tussle about.)

SMITH: “I’m lovin’ this job already!”

MAYES: “Folks… we gotta go to break! I can’t believe someone would stoop this…”




League Member
Nov 5, 2005
LVW Grand Opening - Segment 02

(CUTTO: MYSTERY MAN getting dragged out of the Mandalay Bay by the security suits, past the onlookers stuck on line at the ‘rumjungle’)

MAYES (V/O): “We are BACK here at the House of Blues in Mandalay Bay, and Sir Simon, we’ve found out from security that this man is one JACK HOUSE, and he’s got quite a chip on his shoulder!”

(Security pulls JACK HOUSE out through the double doors and into the lobby to the parking garage.)

SMITH (V/O): “Anyone who takes out that insufferable baboon Wayne Newton can have a whole rack of chips on his shoulder for all I care! Jack House has found a new fan!”

MAYES (V/O): “You’re despicable!”

(JACK HOUSE gets dragged into the parking garage and tries to shake free of the security! HOUSE lunges his way out of the arms of one security guard but gets caught by another security suit, and is thrown into the back of the security car!)

MAYES (V/O): “Jack House has been 86’d right out of the Mandalay Bay folks! We’ve been told that Wayne Newton will be OK – “

SMITH (V/O): “It served him right!”

MAYES (V/O): “I… We’re going to pay the bills - when we come back, our opening match!”



League Member
Nov 5, 2005
LVW Grand Opening - Segment 03

(FADEIN: The ring, with a black mat and a giant "FULLTILTPOKER.net" logo in the center of it. Two of the corners have black turnbuckles, while the two other opposite corners have red turnbuckles. JERRY HARWELL, looking dapper in a still grey suit with blue shirt and purple tie, stands in the middle of the ring. A generic looking jobber in black trunks is warming up next to him.)

(MUSIC UP: “It’s All About The Pentiums” – Weird Al)

“It’s all about the Pentiums, baby!”

(CUTTO: The stage, and out stumbles WEB BROWSER, looking like a disheveled office worker! WEB BROWSER wipes the left sleeve of his grungy business suit as the camera zooms back to show his ragged, torn pants, all ripped apart at the knees, and catching a glimpse of his dangling nametag, zooming in to catch “CES 2004” in the light, then zooming back at BROWSER swatting at the camera in confused anger.)

MAYES: "And now folks we're ready to get started with action in the ring with the debut of the WEB BROWSER!”

SMITH: "He looks like he just woke up from his bed in the alley!”

(SFX: A headset being put on.)

MAYES: "Wait a minute – (Shot of ringside, BILL BELLMOTH, wearing his zipped-up Ultimate Bet windbreaker jacket, Oakley sunglasses, and black ‘BILL BELLMOTH’ cap, taking a seat next to MAYES and SMITH at the ringside table.) – You must be Bill Bellmoth, what brings you to join us?"

BILL BELLMOTH: "Look, I really don't have time to explain myself to a moron like you. I couldn't be bothered with wrestling some donkey jobber tonight - BILL BELLMOTH has better things to do then that! So I'm going to sit back and watch the idiots that I'm going to have to eventually soil my hands with, and look into their souls so I know how to wrestle them in the future.”

SMITH: “I love you already, Bill.”

BELLMOTH: “Well, I love you to, Simon.”

MAYES: “What man don’t you love, SIR Simon?


MAYES: "Web Browser has made it to the ring, we're ready for the intros!"

HARWELL: "The following contest is set for one fall! In the ring to MY LEFT, he weighs in at two hundred and three pounds - fighting out of Marblehead, Massachusetts, this is WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIAM...SIMMONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNS!" (The crowd offers nearly no reaction to SIMMONS, letting out a small whoop. SIMMONS hops around for a bit.)

"And his opponent, fighting out of… (HARWELL checks his card again) ROOM 204 AT THE HAPPI INN… He weighs in at two hundred and fourty four pounddddddds – he is, THE WEB BROWSERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" (The crowd offers up some cat calls and boos for BROWSER, who looks bugged out by the whole scene!) “Your referee is Cesar Martinez!” (Quick shot of CESAR as HARWELL leaves the ring, and the bell is rung by CECIL PEOPLES!)

MAYES: "And we are underway! Browser locks up Simmons - pushes him to a corner, he's now opening up on him with a series of right hands!"

BELLMOTH: "See the form he's using? He's not using his body weight. He's not getting into the punch, it's sloppy."

MAYES: “Browser grabs Simmons and SLAMS him hard to the mat – Browser with a quick elbow and now he's scampering to the top! Browser looks like he’s struggling up there!”

SMITH: “He’s having a hard time up there.”

MAYES: “Browser THROWS himself off the top rope and… CONNECTS with the elbow! (Crowd MOANS)”

SMITH: “Looked more like a forearm shot, Jeff! This guy’s sloppier than my seconds!”

BELLMOTH: "Now why would he go for a move like that? I mean honestly, it's a coin-flip at best, maybe 53 to 47. And if he misses, he doubles this guy up and lets him back into the match. You’ve got to protect yourself when you're ahead and play smart!”

MAYES: "Whatever his reasons, Browser connected and now he’s pulling Simmons up and he’s hooking his arms in for something here!”

SMITH: “This could be a disaster!”

MAYES: “Browser has both arms hooked and he’s lifting Simmons up! It looks like he’s going for the Spam Stopper! He liiiiifts him uhp – OH MY! (Loud drunken moan!) He - good grief! He damn near killed him!”

SMITH: “He drilled him straight onto his head! He’s legit out cold!”

MAYES: “This… this doesn’t look good. Referee Cesar Martinez is looking over Simmons and I think we need some help out here!” (CESAR throws his arms into the air into an “X”)

SMITH: “The wheels just fell off that bandwagon!”

BELLMOTH: "You might say he's 'drawing dead' at this point!"

MAYES: "NOT funny! Browser covers! ONE! TWO! THREE!” (SFX: Bell rings!) (MUSIC UP: “It’s All About The Pentiums” – Weird Al)

BELLMOTH: “I’ve seen what I needed to see. Sir Simon Smith, I’ll see YOU – at the tables. (SFX: BELLMOTH taking off the headset. CUTTO: BELLMOTH leaving ringside, open hands out, shaking his head at the damage!)


(CUTTO: WEB BROWSER standing up, leaning up against the ropes and throws his arms in the air while looking at the damage he’s done. BROWSER stumbles out of the ring and heads to the back as the fans look on in horror as EMTs rush the ring!)

MAYES: “We’ll be back with Elllll Gordo Grande!”

SMITH: “And get a drink!”



League Member
Nov 5, 2005
LVW Grand Opening - Segment 04

(FADEIN: The broadcast table to SIR SIMON SMITH and JEFF MAYES.)

MAYES: "Welcome BACK to Las Vegas Wrestling! Simon, I'm glad to let the fans know that Simmons there was in fact able to leave the ring under his own power."

SMITH: "Well that's good - a lawsuit would sink this place and my bankroll for good!”

MAYES: “Next up, we have a match wit-“

(MUSIC UP: “New York, New York” – Frank Sinatra)

MAYES: "Wait a second!”

(CUTTO: The stage – out comes JIMMY TWO TIMES, decked out in the finest nines, looking his best!)

MAYES (V/O): “Is that Joe Pesci?”

SMITH (V/O): “No, fool, that’s my book- I mean my friend, Jimmy Two Times!”

(TWO TIMES waves his arm to the curtain and out comes “THE INFERNO” CARMINE ESPOSITO, his purple silk shirt popped open all the way down, revealing some gaudy gold chains tangling with his bushy chest hair. TWO TIMES hits the ring and slips the jobber what looks like some greenbacks and whispers in his ear. The jobber clears the ring as CARMINE jumps onto the apron, and caresses his chest for the ladies! JIMMY slips HARWELL some money as well and gets the mic!)

JIMMY TWO TIMES: "Look everybody… I know yous guys wants to see a real match - a real match. (CHEERS from the crowd!) So I got my man - I got my man - THE INFERNO - CARMINE ESPOSITO here. (CARMINE nods his head with an approving smirk as the ladies mockingly swoon.) And he's gonna take on all comers - all comers. So whoever was gonna mess with this mook - this mook – GET OUT HERE and let's have a real fight - a real fight!"

(MUSIC UP: “Bullet With Butterfly Wings” – Smashing Pumpkins)

(CUTTO: The curtain as it flies open and out bolts EL GORDO GRANDE! The red-masked man dives into the ring and jumps CARMINE with a flurry of punches to the cheers of the house! HARWELL and JIMMY TWO TIMES scram for the floor! SFX: Bell ringing!)

MAYES: "We got ourselves a match! Esposito made his way out here and he's now being BEATEN to the punch with a series of rights and driven to the ropes... Grande whips him to the ropessssss… CLOTHESLINE! Carmine quickly to his feet and a hip-toss! Grande off the ropes – SHOULDERBLOCK knocks Carmine to the mat!"

SMITH: "My man Jimmy’s protégé here might as well have been the jobber! I wish I had money on this!”

MAYES: "Carmine gets back on his feet and Grande… with the whip to the corner – NO, REVERSED! Grande hits the corner - STINGER SPLASH! Grande stumbles out of the corner… HIPTOSS! Grande pops to his feet – CLOTHESLINE! Carmine has taken control of the match and has Gordo Grande reeling!


MAYES: "Carmine grabs Grande and he applies the headlock. Great wrestling by the Inferno to wear down his opponent!”

SMITH: "Hey you couldn't have drawn up that take down any better, like it was planned or something!"

MAYES: "Grande… working his way back to his feet… pushes Carmine into the ropes – (OOOOH!) ANOTHER shoulderblock by Carmine, and he nailed Grande into referee Cesar Martinez! Uhoh!”

(CUTTO: JIMMY TWO TIMES grabbing a chair at ringside!)

SMITH: “Now to take care of business!”

MAYES: “Carmine’s grabbed ahold of El Gordo and is holding him up for his manager! Jimmy Two Times is on the apron with that chair – (SFX: WHACK! to the cheers of the room!) GRANDE MOVED! Two Times just NAILED his own man with the chair!

SMITH: “He barely scraped Carmine but it looks like he hit him in the right spot! He’s down like he was shot! Hey Jimmy where ya going?!?”

MAYES: “Two Times is taking off! He just jumped out of the ring and he’s casually strolling around ringside like nothing happened!”

SMITH: “What the hell is going ON?!?”

MAYES: “Grande’s on top of Esposito – Cesar Martinez has his wits about him – ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEE!” (SFX: Bell ringing!) (MUSIC UP: “Bullet With Butterfly Wings” – Smashing Pumpkins)


(GRANDE gets up and raises his arms to the air to the cheers of the crowd! CARMINE ESPOSITO rolls out of the ring, to the waiting arms of JIMMY TWO TIMES, swinging an arm around JIMMY’s neck for help to the back!)

MAYES: “Simon, I have no idea what that was all about, but nonetheless what a victory for El Gordo Grande!”

SMITH: “There were some shenanigans there, Mayes. But a win’s a win in MY book!”

MAYES: “It’s sure been a wild debut night here at Las Vegas Wrestling so far – UP NEXT – we have the Polish Wrecking Machine, Hans Nowak, going up against The Living Dead!”

SMITH: “The movie?”

MAYES: “No, the wrestler! Be RIGHT BACK!”




League Member
Nov 5, 2005
LVW Grand Opening - Segment 05

(FADEIN: BACKSTAGE - CARMINE ESPOSITO is walking around in place, livid, as JIMMY TWO TIMES tries to calm him down.)

CARMINE: "I had that ja-mook! You screwed it all up Jimmy. I mean, seriously… that one sucked!"

JIMMY: "Carmine – Carmine - Relax...these things happen - these things happen. I know I screwed up - screwed up, but honestly kid, ya gotta understand that you're in no position to argue – to argue."

CARMINE: "Well… tonight's payday keeps me in the clear, right?"

JIMMY: "Of course it does - it does, and I promise I'm gonna make this up to ya - make it up to ya."

CARMINE: "Good. Sorry I snapped at you. I know you were just trying to help."

(CARMINE opens up his arms for a hug, and embraces JIMMY TWO TIMES. JIMMY pats his back then eyeballs the camera, and lets out a menacing smirk.)

(CUTTO: RINGSIDE, “California Love” - Tupac is playing as MC LUSCIOUS BOOTY DIVA X is crawling around the ring, wearing a Raiders #18 jersey cut up tight, revealing a lacy bra peeking out underneath, and shorty short shorts, skanking it up to the catcalls of the whole crowd! LIVING DEAD stands in the corner, wearing a tattered shirt and shredded to hell sweats.)

MAYES: “Welcome back to EL VEE DOUBLE-U! It looks like Carmine’s got himself in a predicament there.”

SMITH: “…”

MAYES: “What’s wrong, SIR Simon?”

SMITH: “I got flashbacks from that, and they aren’t the fun kind! Now this MC Luscious Booty Luscious Diva Luscious X – she’s my type of fun!”

MAYES: “Her wrestler, Living Dead, doesn’t look like much fun at all, but I can’t blame him seeing who he’s up against – have you seen this guy?”

SMITH: “He looked mighty big back backstage but he’s Polish! How good can he really be?”

(MUSIC UP: “National Anthem of Poland”)

(CUTTO: The stage, and out of the curtain comes a beast of a man, wearing a black singlet with the crest of the Polish falcon on his stomach, muscles upon muscles popping all over – HANS NOWAK! From behind come MISS ANN, sporting all black leather jacket, tight jeans and high heels, looking like a refugee from the 80s! ANN flicks her nose at the crowd as she leads her man to the ring. NOWAK climbs through the ropes and flexes for the crowd, who are returning stunned silence at him – getting catcalls and insults about his physique! HANS looks angrily at the crowd, and turns his attention to LIVING DEAD, giving him a growl.)

JERRY HARWELL: “The following contest is set for ONE fall! First, to my left, led to the ring by his manager, MC LUSCIOUS BOOTY DIVA X – (Catcalls!) – he hails from Parts Unknown… here he is, the LIVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING DEAD! (Cheers from the drunken fratboys as MC LUSCIOUS jumps up and down on her toes, bouncing all over. LIVING DEAD throws up a melancholy right fist)”

“And his opponent, HAILING… from Bai Rawska, POLAND – weighing in at THREE hundred and THIRTY pounds… he is the Polish WRECKING MACHINE… HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHNS NOOOOOOOOOO-WAK!”

(HANS flexes and gives a loud yell! The House of Blues crowd gives him static and he points an angry finger at someone at ringside, screaming “STUPID AMERICA PIG DOGS! HANS REAL MAN!” and flexing once again!)

HARWELL: “Your referee is Brian Puter.” (HARWELL exits the ring – SFX: Bell ringing!)

MAYES: "And we’re underway! Lockup, Hans with quick control – THROWS Living Dead to the mat! The zombie back to his feet – forearm to the face! Right hand to the stomach for his troubles! Hans with the whiiiiiip… CLOTHESLINE by Hans Nowak!”

SMITH: “Ouch! That looked like it hurt hard!”

MAYES: “Living Dead flat on his back – and he sits up! That brutal clothesline isn’t going to keep the Zombie down!”


SMITH: “Hans is the shotgun, and he’s about to put a bullet into the Zombie’s skull!”

MAYES: “Hans pushes Zombie into the corner… SHOULDERblock into the gut, and ANOTHER, and a third! Hans grabs the arm and pulls Zombie in… looks like he’s going for a belly-to-belly, NO! He’s wrenching him in a bearhug!”

SMITH: “Listen to the screams of pain from the Zombie! Hans may not be able to put two and two together, but you can’t deny the brute strength!”

MAYES: “Living Dead thankfully grabs the ropes – bad ring positioning there by the Polish Wrecking Machine, and he’s refusing to let go! Brian Puter getting in there now counting the five, telling the Pol to break the hold!”

SMITH: “You try telling this Polack that he’s doing something wrong – he doesn’t know any better.”

MAYES: “Hans now giving Puter static! Living dead looks like he’s about to PASS OUT from the pain! Hans lets go and pointing a finger back at the ref! Puter backpedaling yelling at Hans to follow his orders.”

SMITH: “Miss Ann telling him to forget about it!”

MAYES: “Ann’s on the apron now telling her man to get back into focus! HANS gives Miss Ann a quick look – DOUBLE AX from Living Dead! Hans was so busy spouting with the ref that he gave Living Dead time to recover! Another Double Ax! Right hand! Another! Another! He’s got Hans stunned! KICK to the gut – Dead off the ropessssssss – NECKBREAKER!”

SMITH: “It didn’t faze him a bit!”

MAYES: “Hans just popped right back up, and Living Dead doesn’t know what to do with the Wrecking Machine! MC Luscious is banging the mat mad about something – Living Dead with ANOTHER kick to the gut – DEE-DEE-TEEEEE! He PLANTED Hans right into the mat!”

SMITH: “He barely got all of it, but it looks like it’s gonna be good enough!”

MAYES: “Living Dead covers and he hooks the leg – ONE! T-KICKOUT?!?!?”

SMITH: “What a miracle!”

MAYES: “Living Dead’s looking at Puter in disbelief! Puter… there seems to be some confusion – Living Dead can’t believe he kicked out of his finisher!”

SMITH: “Dead’s acting like no one living’s supposed to do that.”

MAYES: “Hans is shaking it off and getting back to his feet, Puter yelling something at him – Living Dead with the ROLLUP – ON-TW-THREEEE! HE GOT HIM!” (Cheers!) (SFX: Bell ringing!)

SMITH: “THAT was quick!”

(MUSIC UP: “California Love” – Tupac)

MAYES: “Hans doesn’t look happy at all! Living Dead’s rolled right out of the ring and grabbing MC Luscious and he’s out of there!”

SMITH: “That’s the quickest I’ve ever seen a zombie move!”

MAYES: “Hans doesn’t seem to understand what just happened – referee Brian Puter is motioning to him that he just got pinned!”

SMITH: “He’s Polish, it takes time to register!”

MAYES: “I don’t think that’s THE PROB- waitaminute! (Crowd gets rowdy!) Hans has Puter by the shirt! He’s not listening to him anym- (Louder cheers!) OH MY! He’s got Puter UP IN THE AIR! Referee Brian Puter is STUCK IN THE AIR IN THE ARMS OF HANS NOWAK!”

SMITH: “Drink up!”


(CUTTO: Referee BRIAN PUTER sprawled out on the HOB floor amongst empty chairs, fans running to him to laugh at him and chant to the camera!)


SMITH: “I’ve only seen one other wrestler do that before, and this guy just did it better!”

JERRY HARWELL: “Here is your WINNER… (HANS gives JERRY a sneer, cutting him short! MISS ANN jumps into the ring to clam her baby down, massaging his arms, but NOWAK is having none of it and jumps out of the ring, storming to the back!)

MAYES: “Hans… NOT a happy camper.”

SMITH: "Ya think? REALLY?! How could ya tell?"

MAYES: "Everyone, we’ve gotta pay more bills – we’ll be back – JAMES DONOVAN VERSUS MITCH GREY, OUR MAIN EVENT! NEXT!”



League Member
Nov 5, 2005
LVW Grand Opening - Segment 06

(MUSIC UP: “You Gots To Chill” – EPMD)

(FADEIN: Blue screen, flashy lights bordering all around, House of Blues logo in the middle, with date, time, and lots of 411.)

MAYES (V/O): “People in the Valley, come join us here at the House of Blues for some Las Vegas Wrestling action! Get your tickets now for our next show by hitting us up on the website listed, by calling 1-702-555-2525, or by showing up at the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay here on the Las Vegas STRIP!”

“At our next card, we will bring you MORE exciting matches, and we will have a HUGE special announcement regarding the crowning of our FIRST… LVW World Heavyweight Champion! JOIN US! EL VEE DOUBLE-U… taking it to the OBSCENE!”



League Member
Nov 5, 2005
LVW Grand Opening - Segment 07

(FADEIN: RINGSIDE, JEFF MAYES and SIR SIMON SMITH seated at the announce table.)

MAYES: "Welcome back! Tonight’s been one hell of a doozy of a night, SIR Simon Smith, and we’re about to cap off our inaugural card here at LVW with one hell of a Main Event!”
SMITH: "We'll see about that, Mayes. James Donovan hasn’t been inside a ring for quite sometime, and the ring rust is sure to impact him.”
MAYES: "Donovan does have a wealth of talent, though, and we’re sure to see it on display tonight!”


(The crowd gets up and cheers! The room looks toward the entrance.)

(MUSIC UP: “Paint It Black” – Unseen)

(CUTTO: The curtain - MITCH GREY flies out from the back, down the ramp and slides into the ring! He springs right up and stops dead on his feet, looking around at the crowd cheering him on! GREY whips off his leather jacket to reveal a Misfits T-shirt over his black jean shorts and throws it toward the ringside floor. MITCH GREY begins loosening up his arms and bouncing off the ropes, ready for action!)

MAYES (V/O): “Mitch Grey, a man who thought he was out of wrestling, DONE with the industry, now back thanks to LVW, getting ready for the Main Event against James Donovan, who’s been waiting for this moment for over ten years!”
SMITH (V/O): “Donovan’s used to the waiting – abortion clinic, emergency room – and he’s had bigger scares in the past ten years than Mitch Grey!”

MAYES (V/O): "Good grief, you don't really have any soul do you?”

SMITH (V/O): “Nope.”

MAYES (V/O): “This from a guy who ran around in a toga for years.”

SMITH (V/O): “You would have done it to for the coin I was getting!”

MAYES (V/O): “Craps tables across Vegas thank you for your contribution.”

SMITH (V/O): “I told you, just one heater!”

(MUSIC UP: “Bat Country” – Avenged Sevenfold)

(CUTTO: The curtain again – red strobe lights beam out of the borders of the LVW logo above the stage, covering the House of Blues! JAMES DONOVAN walks out to the cheers of the crowd! DONOVAN makes his way down the mini-ramp and to ringside, slapping high fives with the fans, and getting a pair of panties tossed at him! DONOVAN grabs the panties and quickly searches the crowd for where it came – he finds a bunch of girls by the rail and heads for them, yacking it up. He gets a piece of paper from one girl and buries it in his blue trunks, along with the panties! With a huge smile on his face, DONOVAN climbs the stairs and gets into the ring, throwing his arms to the air for another pop! DONOVAN turns toward MITCH GREY and they eye each other from the opposite sides of the ring!)

MAYES (V/O): “Up to ring announcer Jerry Harwell!”


“AND his opponent to my right… originally from ENID, OKLAHOMA, but NOW HAILING in LAS VEGAS, NEVADA! (POP!) – weighing in at TWO hundred and FORTY-seven pounds – here he is, The Cowboy, JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES DONNNNNNNN-OH-VAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! (Crowd pops loud as DONOVAN throws his arms into the air!)

HARWELL: “This contest is TV Time Limit Remaining. Cesar Martinez is your referee.”

(HARWELL leaves the ring – SFX: Bell ringing, and the crowd gets loud again!)

MAYES: “And we’re READY for what should be the first of many classics here in Las Vegas Wrestling! Grey and Donovan circling each other... lock up. Headlock by Donovan! Takes Grey down... Grey fighting for a head scissors and he gets it. Donovan with a front flip gets himself on top of Grey for a pin – ONE. TWO... NO! Grey with a bridge out and he gets Donovan with a backslide - ONE. TWO... NO! Donovan escapes! Both men back to their feet!

(Applause from the crowd!)

SMITH: “That’s more mat wrestling in two minutes than we’ve seen all night.”
MAYES: "And they lock up again...Grey with an armbar, reversed by Donovan into an arm bar of his own and he turns it into a hammerlock and drives Grey to the mat! Donovan driving a knee into the arm, and another!"
SMITH: "I've heard about Grey’s finisher – those peons at the FCC, even on this damn local channel, won’t let me say what the move’s called – [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP] - but let's just say for him to pull off the move would require both arms and Donovan is trying to prevent that from being possible!"
MAYES: "You got that right. Grey now fighting to his feet trying to reverse the hold - AND HE DOES! Hammerlock on Donovan who's trying to find his way out of the hold.. runs towards the ropes and ducks... the momentum sends Grey through the ropes and out of the ring!"

(Crowd pops as GREY slams the apron in anger!)

MAYES: "Donovan has to this point been able to stay a step ahead of Grey. GREY… pacing around ringside, trying to calm down. He re-enters the ring and SLAPS Donovan! (Crowd "Ohhh's!" in reaction!) Donovan with a right hand! They are trading punches now! Both men hammering away... Grey with a thumb to the eye! (BOOS!) and drives Donovan's head into the turnbuckle! He spins him around and fires a series of kicks to the midsection!"
SMITH: "All that wrestling was good and fine, but now we're gonna finally have ourselves a fight!"
MAYES: "Grey throws Donovan out to the middle of the ring and waits for him to get up... SPEAR! A SPEAR BY GREY! HE COVERS! ONE – TWO ...NO!"
SMITH: "I dunno if the Bunny Ranch will take Donovan back if he loses this one! He might be fighting for his survival!"
MAYES: "Grey grabs Donovan and whips him to the ropessssss ...POWERSLAM! HE COVERS! ONE – TWO ...NO!”

SMITH: “He almost had’im there!”

MAYES: “Grey now stalking Donovan again, waiting for him to get up, it looks like he's ready for another spear... Grey Charges - Donovan out of the way! Grey just hit that ring post with his bad arm! He's staggering around in agony… SINGLE ARM DDT BY DONOVAN! HE COULD HAVE DISLOCATED THAT SHOULDER! HE COVERS! ONE – TWO ...NO! (Crowd groans!) Donovan nearly had him there!"
SMITH: "And with it, a 5 percent discount on his next ho! Everyone loves a winner!"
MAYES: "(Clears throat) DONOVAN… now has Grey and sends him to the ropes… catches himmmmm... (POP!) RELEASE OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! Donovan floats over! ONE – TWO ...NO! Grey kicks out!"

SMITH: “These two are going balls out at all costs!”
MAYES: "Donovan whips Grey to the ropes… CLOTHESLINE! NO! Grey DUCKS! Comes back the other way - Donovan with a leapfrog! Grey off the ropes againnnnn…. DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! BOTH MEN DOWN!"
SMITH: "The clock is ticking on these two, I don’t know how much TV time we got left!”
MAYES: "Both men stirring… referee Cesar Martinez is at a count of SEVEN… EIGHT… and both men are getting up! Donovan climbing against the ropes, getting back to his feet, and he gets first attack on Grey! Donovan lands with a series of rights to Grey! Grey’s jello on his feet! Donovan hammering away, punching Grey to the ropes… (Cheers!) Grey just used Donovan’s trunks to throw him to the floor! And out go those pair of panties!"
SMITH: "I'm pretty sure Donovan isn't used to having his trunks pulled on by a guy!"
MAYES: "Donovan spilled to the floor – Grey isn’t thinking about winning by countout and he’s getting out there, chasing Donovan to the outside! Grey grabs Donovan and (SFX: Steel!) SLAMS his head off the steel ring steps! (SFX: More steel!) And AGAIN!”

SMITH: “Out of the ring, anything goes here in LVW!”
MAYES: "Indeed it does - Grey throws Donovan back into the ring… Grey gets in and hooks Donovan in… BACKBREAKER! That just may well do it – ONE – TWO ...NO! Donovan kicked out!"
SMITH: "BAH! So close!”
MAYES: "Don’t tell me you got money on this?”

SMITH: “No one would take my action.”

MAYES: “Grey now dropping the elbows… Grey to his feet, and he’s cutting the thumb across his throat! He’s telling the crowd that this is close to over! He’s got Donovan and he flings him into the ropessssssss…NOOOO! DONOVAN WITH A SHOULDERBLOCK! Both men are down again!"
SMITH: "Dammit! That was it! The [BEEEEEEEEEEEEP] slam was gonna finish that [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP]!"
MAYES: "You sure you didn’t see Grey before the card? Grey and Donovan both down again and pulling themselves up once again with the ropes… there isn’t much TV time left for these guys!”

SMITH: “C’monnnnn Mitch Grey!”

MAYES: “Both men up again and walking at each other – RIGHT hand from Donovan! Right from Grey! Donovan! Grey! Donovan! Grey! Donovan! Gr-NO!...Donovan ducks the right and grabs the arm - SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE! He DECKED Grey with that one! Grabs Grey to his feet and WHIPS him to the corner - Grey hits hard! Donovan scoops him up! (POPS!) THIS COULD BE IT! ARE WE READY FOR THE OKLAHOMA STAMPEDE! DONOVAN OUT OF THE CORNERRRRR…NO! GREY SLID OVER THE SHOULDER! PUSHES DONOVAN into the corner! Donovan stumbling backwards - Grey grabs his head and hooks it in - INVERTED DD- NO! STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER! JAMES DONOVAN STUNS MITCH GREY! THE COVER! ONE – TWO - THREEEEEeeee...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GREY KICKED OUT!" (Crowd groans as CESAR holds up only 2 fingers!)
MAYES: "Donovan giving CESAR an EARFUL about the speed of that count!”

SMITH: “No way! That little escapee from the border got it just right!”


MAYES: "Only two minutes left! These two need to put it on overdrive! Donovan grabs Grey off the mat…a right hand! And another! He whips Grey into the ropesssss… SLEEPER! SLEEPERHOLD BY DONOVAN!"
SMITH: "THAT COWARD! He's just trying to run out the clock!"
MAYES: "Donovan has the sleeper locked in and he's trying to put Grey out of his misery before the time expires! Grey is fading... ELBOW! Grey with an elbow to the abdomen! Another elbow! Donovan losing grip of the sleeper… another elbow and the hold is broke! Grey takes a swing- NO! Donovan with a roll-up! ONE – TWO ...NO! Grey kicked out! Donovan pulls Grey back up and pushes him into the ropes from behind… rolls him up again! ONE – TWO - GREY ROLLS THROUGH! HE'S GOT THE COVER! ONE – TWO ...NO!"


MAYES: "We're almost done! Donovan and Grey toe to toe! Donovan RIGHT HAND! He hooks Grey, another small package! ONE! TWO! NO, only TWO! Both men back to their feet, Donovan trying for a backslide, GREY NOT GIVING IT TO HIM! Grey trying to fight it… Donovan GETS IT! ONE! TWO! NO AGAIN ANOTHER KICKOUT!”


MAYES: “Donovan and Grey back up trading fistacuffs! I can’t see how either man has a shot at winning this now! Right! Left! Right! Left! Right! Left! TRADING BLOWS – Grey gets in a kick to the gut! Grabs Donovannnnn… NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! MITCH BRIDGES! THIS COULD BE IT! ONE! TWO! THRE-NOOOOOOOOOOOO! SO CLOSE!”
SMITH: "I thought that was it! I was wrong – Cesar, learn to count!"
MAYES: "Both men back to their feet! They lockup ONE MORE TIME- (SFX: Bell ringing! The crowd lets out a LOUD moan, followed by inceasing cheers!)- NOT A CHANCE!”

SMITH: “Blah, like kissing your sister. Damn push! At least I got my money back.”


(The crowd at the House of Blues gives it up for the match, and a “FIVE MORE MINUTES” chant starts up! DONOVAN starts pleading his case to referee CESAR MARTINEZ for the five more minute! CESAR starts nodding his head, JAMES DONOVAN pointing to the crowd, waiving his arms for more support! MITCH GREY scampers out of the ring…)

MAYES: “Listen to this awesome crowd here, SIR Simon Smith! They want five more minutes!”

SMITH: “They better talk to the man writing MY check in the back then! Don’t they know what TV Time Remaining means?”

(…MITCH GREY grabs a chair from ringside, and slides into the ring with it, right behind JAMES DONOVAN! The crowd starts getting rowdier!)


SMITH: “Damn Cowboy had it coming to him!”

MAYES: “These two men just put on a clinic for these fans – this is a JOKE!”

SMITH: “My not winning my money on this match is the joke here!”

MAYES: “You’re hopeless! Las Vegas, we are OUT OF TIME! From the House of Blues… for Sir Simon Smith, I’m JEFF MAYES! GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!”

(Camera PANS from DONOVAN flat out on his back up to MITCH GREY on the stage at the curtain, holding the chair up in the air and pointing at it, and then at DONOVAN, and letting out a bloodthirsty smile!)



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