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iTunes or GTFO #8: Sorry, You're Not a Winner Results

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fugginVOSS

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[FADE-IN: The cameras pan around the Ocean City Convention Centre as pyros boom on stage. The fans are screaming. Lots of LEYENDA DE OCHO tri-force masks in the arena. Lots of fans with blue hair. A mob of fans dressed as aliens. Superfly Express t-shirts. Replica Intergalactic Championship belts. Signs are held all around the arena: “I WANNA TOUCH THE TRI-FORCE BELT!”; “SNOW FOR SALE!”; “PICK ME ARAN! I’M RELENTLESS, TOO!”; “MAGNUS DESTRUCTO IS MY STEP-FATHER!”.]

[As the cameras whirl around and the pyros make boom the camera settles on the announce table where MORTON MURPHY sits wearing an aqua suit that has a silver IGC logo emblazoned on the breast pocket. Sitting beside him is THE RAGING FEAR AUGUST MONDAY, grizzly beard almost tangled with the headset, wearing a black “www.fear.com” sleeveless t-shirt to show off the sleeves of tattoos. MONDAY sits emotionless. MURPHY grins like a Cheshire cat.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Welcome one and all the Ocean City Convention Centre HERE in OCEAN CITAY, Maryland. We’re here tonight for SORRY YOU’RE NOT A WINNER the THIRD Intergalactic Championship event and we have got one HELL of a card for you that’s OUT. OF. THIS. WORLD!

“Joining me at the announce table today is veteran of GOD knows how many years, the Raaaaaaaaaging Fear.... Mr. August Monday.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Morty... this card tonight is back ta back epic and there’s gonna be some blood, sweat an’ tears spilt in that there ring tonight, son.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“You can say that again, Augie. Tonight’s card is jam-packed with Intergalactic qualifying matches but our MAIN EVENT sees Phil Atken...”

[SMASH –CUT: The screens fill with a SORRY YOU’RE NOT A WINNER logo smashing into the screen, the backdrop the crazy fans of Ocean City. The words “Intergalactic Championship Match” stamp down like they’re being pressed in a steel mill. PHIL ATKEN’s face fills the screen and the image shoots back to a pre-filmed spot of ATKEN patting the Intergalactic Championship belt on his shoulder, pulling it out and kissing it before placing it back and his picture freezes.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Taking on an Intergalactic Championship qualifier who qualifies TONIGHT!”

[ATKEN’s image is joined by the outline of a guy who just shrugs with a question mark over his chest.]

[CUT-TO: MURPHY and MONDAY sitting at the announce table where MONDAY rubs his hands together.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Bein’ a Champion is one thing. Bein’ a Intergalactic Champ is another. Defendin’ ya belt ‘gainst somebody ya can’t even prepare for is somethin’ else entirely.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Phil Atken’s opponent will be decided out of our first contest for the evening which puts THREE men in triangle rules RIGHT HERE tonight in Ocean City.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“The first of those men is Aran Thompson. Morty, I’ve seen Aran in action. I spent some time in Legacy of Champions---“

MORTON MURPHY:
“Where haven’t you spent time?”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“The answer ain’t your mother’s bed.

“I’ve seen Aran. I’ve seen him wrestle. They don’t call him Mr. Relentless coz he’s a short burn, Morty. The kids in for the long haul and he’s got what it takes.”

[SMASH –CUT: The screens fill with a SORRY YOU’RE NOT A WINNER logo smashing into the screen again. The words “Intergalactic Championship Qualifying Match” stamp down into the screen as ARAN THOMPSON’s face fills it. His image is pushed back and to the left of the screen where he smiles at the camera and massages the knuckles on his right hand.]
MORTON MURPHY:
“Kids? Thompson is a veteran in the field, Augie.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“When you’ve been in that ring for 35 years, Morty, I’ll address you how I want.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“The second competitor is the monstrous former NLW Open-Weight Champion, Magnus Destructo.”

[MAGNUS DESTRUCTO’s face fills the screen and pushes off to the right hand side. He screams at the camera and runs his thumb across his throat before the image freezes, mid cutthroat.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“The man’s a beast. The man’s a monster. The man is going to do everything he can to tear apart the competition tonight and face-off with our Intergalactic Champion later in the show.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“The final entrant tryin’ ta qualify is the man formerly known as High Flyer.

[JACK HARMEN’s face fills the screen and his image pushes back into the center, behind the other two competitors. He throws his head back and “WOOOO”s before folding his arms and freezing.]

[CUT-TO: MORTY and AUGUST who are both smiling widely with the expectations of the contests on tonight.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“ Morty, when I seen he signed up for the card I got excited. I’ve known Jack for a long time. I’ve seen him wrestle. And some guys, like me, they drop a step over the years. This guy hasn’t. This guy is wrestlin’ Hall of Fame. Whatever league. Whatever promotion. Jack Harmen is wrestlin’ Hall of Fame.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Can Jack Harmen add Intergalactic Championship to that long golden laundry list of his? Or will Aran Thompson’s relentlessness take him over the line? I’m sure the monstrosity that is Magnus Destructo will have a tonne to say about that and folks... THAT’S JUST OUR OPENING MATCH!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Oh man. What a show.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Coz chasin’ that up is a FOUR-WAY DANCE between a range of competitors that you can’t HELP but quiver and quake in the wake of. Ladies and gentlemen, Leyenda de Ocho is in the house tonight as he chases his SECOND IGC qualifier and he would be the first man in our short history to earn a second shot at the belt.”

[SMASH –CUT: The screens fill with a SORRY YOU’RE NOT A WINNER logo smashing into the screen again. The words “Intergalactic Championship Qualifying Match” stamp down LEYENDA DE OCHO’s masked face fills the screen. His image is pushed back and to the left as he makes a triangle with his fingers to the camera and freezes.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“The kid’s got guts. The kid’s got guile. Havin’ seen him in action over at WREX, Morty, I can understand why these kids out here are wearin’ Ocho’s mask. But he’s gotta earn it. And earn it he shall. Xoesh the Zith from God knows where is comin’ in completely unknown and I dunno what to expect outta him, Morty.”

[XOESH THE ZITH’s image fills the screen and is puished to the far right as he points to the skies looking up when his image freezes.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“He IS claimin’ to really give us our Intergalactic status tonight, Augie. He’s a relative unknown but that doesn’t rule him out of the contest. The Cancer of TWOstars, Christopher Ryan Eagles, has come back for a second chance to qualify and face our champion. He’s pulled up short once before but I’m CERTAIN that’ll just be fuel in the belly of that beast.”

[CHRISTOPHER RYAN EAGLES smug face appears in the frame and his image is pushed back beside OCHO’s. He folds his arms across his chest, looks left and then right before sadistically grinning at the camera as it freezes his image.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“There ain’t no bigger beasts in this industry than the SUPERBEAST, Morty.

[Filling the frame is the blue haired beast that is SYLO and it slowly pushes him in the gap between EAGLES and XOESH. He holds up his hands and puts them together before making a snapping motion and placing his hands on his hips.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“ Sylo is here tonight in Ocean City to sway the wrestlin’ gods. That man has been tearin’ apart the Legacy of Champions and jOlt ever since he stepped inside their rings. He’s gonna have a lot to say in this match.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“And if THAT ain’t enough for you... all four of these men will be competing in a TABLES! LADDERS! CHAIRS! match to snatch a contract hanging HIGH OVER THE RING to face whoever walks out of here tonight as the Intergalactic Champion at our next show, V for Victoralicious.”

[CUT-TO: MURPHY and MONDAY. MONDAY is shaking his head in disbelief and turning to MURPHY.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Who comes up with these names?”

MORTON MURPHY:
“I’ll have you know I’ve got the best creative team you’ve ever seen, August.

“And folks, to top off our evening we will see our Intergalactic Champion, Phil Atken, go head-to-head with the winner out of our first match. If you bought tickets you got them CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP! I dunno if I’ve seen a better card than this before.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“You bet your ass this’ll be a Helluva show.”
 

fugginVOSS

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Sorry, You're Not a Winner: ARAN THOMPSON v. MAGNUS DESTRUCTO v. JACK HARMEN

SOUNDBYTE:
“SO YOU WANNA BE A CHAMPION!”

[“Champion” by Grinspoon booms over the PA and the fans explode out of their seats as ARAN THOMPSON quickly walks out to the top of the entrance ramp and looks around with a proud grin on his face.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Looks like we’re getting underway here with Thompson heading out to kick things off.”

[The arena strobes red, gold, black and white to the cadence of his entrance music and he slowly walks to the ring nodding to the fans and showing himself off as well. ARAN points down at his trunks that in big red letters read the word, "Relentless" and then points at himself mouthing to the camera; "I'm relentless personified!".]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“I’m sure a lot of people would think this kid could be outclassed going up against a monster and a Hall of Famer but Thompson’s got a lot of guts, Morty. Don’t be surprised if he’s headin’ off with Phil in the main event.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Nothing can surprise me in the IGC, Augie.”

["Progenies of the Great Apocalypse" by Dimmu Borgir hits and pillars of fire blast up from either side of the entry way. The Baron of Brutality emerges wearing demonic corpsepaint wearing a blackened, spikey helmet and breastplate combo, spattered in blood like he just fought his way out of Hell to get to the ring.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Whoa! Is that armour legal?”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“This man is a monster. This man is a beast. He will eat ya soul and spit it out. We’ve got every base covered in this match, Morty.”

[He lets out a bloodthirsty ROAR that can be heard clearly over the PA, and marches down the rampway, accompanied by two members of his entourage. On his way down the aisle, he bullies fans in the front row by shoving a couple back into their seats and snatching a “COME FLY WITH ME, JACK!” sign out of another fan’s hand and ripping it apart with his teeth.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“What an asshole.”

[He gets to the ring and does the Warrior shake on the nearest rope as the PA is taken over by a sound byte.]

SOUND BYTE:
“ALL ABOARD... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAH~!"

[“Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne plays over the PA and as THOMPSON’s attention turns to the entrance, DESTRUCTO turns his to ARAN. A big boot nails him into the canvas and DESTRUCTO mounts his chest thundering down hammerfists into THOMPSON’s face.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“DESCTRUCTO CAN’T WAIT! He’s blindsided Aran Thompson with that big boot and taken him down. Here comes Flyer!”

[HARMEN bolts toward the ring where MAGNUS is pounding on THOMPSON, leaps to the turnbuckle and onto the top rope, flying through the air and nailing a missile dropkick into the back of DESTRUCTO’s head as he rains hammerfists down. Flailing onto his belly, DESTRUCTO rolls over and sits up to catch a stiff kick in his face from HARMEN, laying him out again.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“This is bedlam. The referee better take charge of this sooner rather than later, Mort.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Harmen tending to Thompson, offers a hand up. Thompson accepts an--- ARM DRAG! Thompson flies across the ring. Bounces up. Charges. Drop toe hold. Thompson down again.”

[HARMEN pulls THOMPSON to his feet and executes a snap mare. As THOMPSON lands tailbone first HARMEN stings his spine with a kick as DESTRUCTO charges and clotheslines HARMEN out of his boots.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“None of these boys will stay down for long, Morty. This is gonna be a battle to the end.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“The referee trying to figure out who the Hell to kick out. Thompson is back on his feet as Destructo pulls Harmen to his and forces him into the corner. Thompson spins Destructo around and nails a right hand on his chin. Another. Another.”

[DESTRUCTO no sells the right hand and roars loudly in the face of THOMPSON before grabbing him around the throat with two hands. He lifts him up but THOMPSON manages to thrust a knee upward and catches MAGNUS on the chin. He drops THOMPSON and flails back into the corner with HARMEN.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Destructo has Harmen pinned into the corner. Thompson backs up. Charges. CLOTHESLINE INTO THE CORNER!”

[DESCTRUCTO staggers out of the corner. THOMPSON catches him with a dropkick on the chin that sends him down and HARMEN uses the opportunity to make the referee’s job easier and rolls to the outside.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Relentless. See? I told you, Mort.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Ya sure did, Augie. Harmen on the outside leaving Destructo and Thompson as legal tender. Thompson in control. Destructo up onto one kne- SHINING WIZARD! Down goes Destructo. COVER!

“ONE!




“TWO!



“POWER OUT! Thompson with the first pin attempt of the night.”

[Without missing a beat, THOMPSON makes another cover attempt which DESTRUCTO kicks out of easily. Then another which he pushes out of.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Thompson trying to tire out the monstrous Destructo and that’s probably a key tactic with that man.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Wear him down. He carries over three pounds. That’s tiring enough but to force him to use energy he doesn’t need t’use is gonna get ya an advantage over a man with THAT much power.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Aran Thompson, Mr. Relentless, in the ring with Magnus Destructo. And he’s in control. Let’s Magnus sit-up and he drives a stiff boot into his lower spine. And again. And again. Working away at the foundations that hold this monster upright.”

[DESTRUCTO seems to be getting frustrated with the burst of attack on his spine. He throws an elbow backward but doesn’t manage to catch THOMPSON’s feet. THJOMPSON quickly into the ropes and charges back with a dropkick to the back of DESTRUCTO’s head. He flails backward and THOMPSON makes another cover.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Thompson trying to end this quickly!



“ONE!




“TWO!


“TH-NO! Shoulder up.”

[He proceeds to make another poor cover but this time DESTRUCTO is aware of the game and tosses a foot lightly over the bottom rope and leaves it there. THOMPSON rises, seeing the leg extended out across to the bottom rope and leaps, driving a knee into DESCTRUCTO’s knee which sits the monster up.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Thompson has a game plan here, August. Wear him down. Tire him out. And there’s Harmen, reaching over the top rope for a tag that Thompson just can’t ignore.”

[Tagging in HARMEN, THOMPSON helps get DESTRUCTO to his feet and whips him into the ropes. Both men simply catch DESTRUCTO on the chin with an elbow and lay him out as THOMPSON exits. HARMEN mounts DESTRUCTO’s chest and blatantly chokes him.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Harmen’s got guile. He’s gonna take Thompson’s strategy to the next level. He’s an accomplished tag legend, too, Mort. If him and Aran can get on the same page they can neutralise this monster.”

[The referee forces HARMEN to break the hold, which he relinquishes immediately. He drops a knee into the side of MAGNUS’ ribs before grabbing a leg and beckoning THOMPSON into the ring. THOMPSON obliges and runs full tilt at DESTRUCTO and hitting his knee with a dropkick. He rolls out of the ring before the referee can complain too much.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Jack Harmen and Aran Thompson proving a cohesive unit against the pure monster in Magnus Destructo. Harmen – pulls Destructo up. Whips him to the corner. CHARGING knee lift into the chin of Desctructo.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Keep it rollin’. That’s all they can do. Keep tryin’ to take down the monster by tirin’ him out and givin’ him a poundin’. He catches his breath and he’s gonna make people HURT!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Harmen rolls backward and charges for—OH! DOUBLE KNEES INTO THE CHEST! CATCHES MAGNUS’ HEAD AND PULLS HIM INTO A DOUBLE KNEE FACEBREAKER! OH MY GAWD!”

[DESTRUCTO hits the knees and almost stands from the impact before falling to the canvas. HARMEN tags THOMPSON in and clambers up a turnbuckle to go up top. THOMPSON pulls himself straight up onto the top rope as HARMEN flies onto the fallen MAGNUS DESTRUCTO. ]

MORTON MURPHY:
“TRAVELLING THROUGH TIME!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Ol’ Jacky boy hit the coffin nail in there nearly with that cartwheel elbow drop. And here comes ThompSSSSSOOOOOOONNNNNN!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“MOONSAULT from Mr. Relentless and Thompson makes the cover!




“ONE!




“TWO!





“THRE--- NO! Running punt to the side of Thompson’s head from Jack Harmen as the Friendly Neighbourhood Lunatic gets in his grill!”

JACK HARMEN:
“YOU DON’T TAKE MY GOLDEN TICKET, VERUCA SALT!”

[HARMEN lifts THOMPSON up, driving a knee into his belly into the process. Doubled over, HARMEN simply shoves him through the ropes to the outside, making himself the legal man. Turns around as MAGNUS DESTRUCTO charges forward.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Magnus! LARIAT! Down goes Harmen! Up comes Harmen! Sidewalk slam and Destructo with the cover!



“ONE!




“TWO!




“THREEE! NO! SHOULDER UP! By GAWD! That was a close call!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“The moment Destructo could suck some wind he was gettin’ his eyes back. Them fellers dropped the ball fer jus’ one second and he’s makin’ meals outta them.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Magnus Destructo, pullin’ Jack Harmen to his feet. Bear hug! Oh man! You can see Harmen wriggling and writhing as Magnus just pulls his grip tighter and tighter!”

[DESTRUCTO, almost wringing the life out of HARMEN just squeezes tighter and tighter. THOMPSON slides under the bottom rope and comes charging straight at DESTRUCTO but the monster sees it coming.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Thompson coming for the sa---- BIG BOOT TO THE FACE OF THOMPSON! DESTRUCTO STILL CRUSHING THE LIFE OUT OF HARMEN!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“HOLY CRAP! I think one’f Aran’s BOOTS came off, Mort.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Aran rolls out of the ring trying to find his face. Destructo charges Harmen into the corner, SPINE FIRST! Oh man! Turns around...”

[MAGNUS spins around, after driving HARMEN into the corner with the bear hug, and then drives him into the canvas with a bear hug front slam that echoes around the arena, reverberating off the fans negativity. He throws his head back and roars like a monster.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Magnus Destructo just kicked Aran Thompson’s FACE clean off it’s hinges and STILL hung onto that bear hug and then smashed him into the corner and then SMASHED him into the canvas.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Raw power, Mort. That’s what Destructo is. Pure muscle and pure EVIL. These boys gotta take him down a notch and use their speed to stop him from gainin’ momentum. If they can’t slow this monster down... he’s walkin’ into the main event.”

[DESTRUCTO bends down and picks up HARMEN by the back of the neck. Then lifts him into a gorilla press only for ARAN THOMPSON to burst in, under the ropes, chop-blocking DESTRUCTO’s knee out from under him. DESTRUCTO tumbles down with HARMEN on top of him, and the referee sees it as a cover.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Unlucky for Destructo, the ref is counting this one!


“ONE!



“TWO!


“Broken up by Thompson with a running legdrop over the back of Harmen. But Destructo is up. He charges at Thompson.”

[ARAN ducks under a wiley clothesline and hits the rope behind DESTRUCTO. As MAGNUS turns, Aran is already in the air and hits a leaping shoulderblock onto MAGNUS that forces him back a step. THOMPSON follows up with fists in attempts to blind DESTRUCTO until he backs him into the corner. He charges back at the ropes, rebounds and clotheslines DESTRUCTO to the outside to a huge cheer from the fans.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“ARAN THOMPSON! Fightin’ with heart and soul!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“He’s relentless, Mort.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Takes Destructo to the outside with that HI-YUGE clothesline. Both men in a meaty heap ringside and neither is to quick to their feet.”

[With both men trying to come to, HARMEN stirs in the ring and notices where his opponents have found themselves. A grin spreads across his face and he takes a few steps back and awaits his victims to stir. They both begin to get to their feet when HARMEN charges, leaping onto the top rope and launching off with a front flip splash that drives all men into the ground.]

OCEAN CITY, MARYLAND:
“HO-LEE SHIT! HO-LEE SHIT! HO-LEE SHIT!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“DID YOU SEE THAT? BY GAWD!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Harmen flies like a wicked eagle and just drove his opponents, and himself, into dust. Listen to Ocean City lose their shit, Mort.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“There’s a pile of bodies ringside and the referee is counting to ten. AND Intergalactic Championship wrestling is trending WORLDWIDE on Twitter. Hashtag: #SorryYoureNotAWinner.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Kids and their toys.”

[THOMPSON is the first man to stir ringside, spotting his opponents downed and out and he simply rolls into the ring.]

REFEREE:
“ONE!



“TWO!”

[HARMEN tries to sit up but immediately clutches at his spine. DESTRUCTO places a massive hand on the guard rail to haul himself up.]

REFEREE:
“THREE!


“FOUR!



“FIVE!”

[DESTRUCTO gets to his feet first and sees the sitting up HARMEN, charges forward and drives a knee right through his face. HARMEN flails backward as DESTRUCTO turns his attention to THOMPSON in the ring.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“If Magnus can get himself in the ring the count ends and the match continues. Making his way to the apron. Thompson’s there, trying to block his way. Magnus swipes. Thompson tries to kick his arms away. MAGNUS CATCHES AN ANKLE!”

[THOMPSON’s other foot is swiped out from underneath his as DESTRUCTO clutches his left foot. THOMPSON sizes up and tries to kick MAGNUS with the other, only for him to pin it down and pull THOMPSON out of the ring.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Thompson’s plans backfired there. He’s yanked outta the ring and Destructo’s just wailin’ away with the ham sized fists!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Magnus Destructo introduces Aran Thompson’s face to the ring post. Now the guard rail. Oh, look! He’s coming our way!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Introducin’ him to all’f ringside, Mort. Reckon this desk will last to the end of the night?”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Do you think it’ll last to the end of this match?”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Case of beer says it doesn’t.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“I’m not taking a bet I know I’m losing.”

[DESTRUCTO slams THOMPSON’s face into the announce table when HARMEN clotheslines him from behind. THOMPSON and HARMEN both grab DESTRUCTO by the head and slam it into the announce table. They double whip him into the apron and go to town with the boots.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Capitalising on the two-on-one once again and Destructo can’t get to his feet as they rain those heels into his face. And NOW they turn on each other. Trading punches, regardless of the referee calling for them to take it back inside.”

[THOMPSON over powers HARMEN, raining blows down before rolling JACK under the bottom rope into the ring. Sliding in behind him, THOMPSON lifts him to his feet before driving him into the canvas with a Northern Lights suplex to a pop from the fans. He pulls him up and ties Harmen up into an Abdominal stretch and looks around at the fans with a smirk on his face.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“ICARUS SWITCH! Thompson’s looking to put a fork in this one he’s D--- DESTRUCTO!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Whaddathey call that? The Butcher’s Cleaver? Man, big double axe handle RIGHT across Harmen’s belly. That’s gotta hurt!”

[HARMEN flips around like a fish out of water, clutching his abdominal muscles and rolls right under the bottom rope to the outside while THOMPSON scurries to get to his feet. He charges at DESTRUCTO, who charges right back at him, nailing him with a Yakuza kick that sends him flailing into the corner.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Massive Yakuza kick RIGHT on the chin of Aran Thompson and you can ALMOST hear the bell tolling to signal the end of this match.”

[CUT-TO: At the top of the ramp, PHIL ATKEN emerges, wearing his Intergalactic Championship belt, eyes wide with what he sees down in the ring, shaking his head.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Phil Atken don’t look too impressed to be seein’ what’s goin’ on down there. He’s runnin’ down to help Flyer to his feet.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“As Phil Atken tries to inspire Jack Harmen to stand, Destructo pulls Thompson to his feet. He’s laughing, Augie. He’s actually laughing!”

[CUT-TO: DESTRUCTO, with THOMPSON’s head tucked between his legs, points at ATKEN and makes a belt gesture. Then he wraps his arms around Thompson’s waist in a gutwrench waistlock. CUT-TO: ATKEN forcing HARMEN to his feet and rolling him under the bottom rope, but HARMEN can barely move as he tries to claw himself over to the action. CUT-TO: DESTRUCTO heaving THOMPSON into the air.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“DESTRUCTO BOMB! COVER!


“ONE!





“TWO!





“THREE!”

***DING! DING! DING!***

MORTON MURPHY:
“MAGNUS DESTRUCTO HAS DONE IT! HE’S GOING TO THE MAIN EVENT TO FACE OFF AGAINST PHIL ATKEN!”

[CUT-TO: ATKEN shaking his head, eyes wide and mouth wide. The fans boo loudly as DESTRUCTO turns his back to ATKEN and roars at them. The Intergalactic Champion sneaks into the ring behind him and gives him a blast with this belt into the back of his head.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Stupid little bastard.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Atken just hit Destructo with the Intergalactic Championship belt and guess what? DESTRUCTO NOT BOTHERED BY IT ONE LITTLE BIT!”

[CUT-TO: ATKEN standing there, belt in hand, freaking out as DESTRUCTO grabs him around the throat with both hands.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“THIS CAN’T BE GOOD! WHERE’S SECURITY?”

[ATKEN, in a panic, swings a boot as hard as he can and catches DESTRUCTO in the groin, forcing the monster to drop him. He snatches up his belt and high-tails it out of the ring. DESTRUCTO on his knees, staring a hole at the champion. CUT-TO: PHIL ATKEN backing away up the ramp, putting the IGC title over his shoulder, shaking his head in horror. One hand over his mouth and his pale skin a whiter shade than usual.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“TONIGHT! Phil Atken versus Magnus Destructo in our FIRST EVER INTERGALACTIC CHAMPIONSHIP DEFENSE!”

[CUT-TO: DESTRUCTO on one knee, a sadistic grin forming across his face, as he points down toward ATKEN. He throws his head back and roars loudly as the fans boo ferociously.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“And I would HATE to be Phil Atken.”
 

fugginVOSS

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Australia
Sorry, You're Not a Winner: Tables, Ladders, Chairs Match

[CUT-TO: standing in the centre of the ring are the quartet about to do battle. Above, and to the left of the ring over the concrete, hangs a briefcase about thirty feet in the air. LEYENDA DE OCHO stares up at the brief case with his eyes shut and muttering something under his breath. EAGLES stares a hole into SYLO, who returns the glare while XOESH stands on the ringpost and into the fans, pointing to the skies above him before making a belt gesture to the fans.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Folks, we’re about to get underway with our four-way contest tonight to see who goes on to V for Victoralicious and face the winner out of Magnus Destructo and Phil Atken later this evening.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“This is some show, Mort. I couldn’t tell ya who I thought would move on through here.”

***DING! DING! DING!***

MORTON MURPHY:
“The cat’s outta the bag and de Ocho chop blocks Xoesh the Zith from his pedestal as Sylo charges at the Cancer of TWOstars, Christopher Ryan Eagles.”

[ZITH bounces to his feet and OCHO ties up with him, armdragging him across the ring. CUT-TO: SYLO driving EAGLES into the canvas with a massive lariat.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Holy crap! I don’t think Eagles’ boots come off. I think it was his FEET!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Sylo, pulls Eagles to his feet. Shoves him into the corner. Big knee into the belly. Grabs him by the back of the head and WHAM-O! Drives his FACE into the turnbuckle!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Scoops him up- OH! Drives Eagles’ spine into that turnbuckle like he was a rag doll. Eagles is already wailin’ like a two buck whore with a ten dollar bill.”

[SYLO drives a knee into the face of EAGLES before holding his arms out from his sides, as if asking the fans if this is what they came to see. CUT-TO: OCHO holding ZITH in a side-headlock. XOESH shoves with all his might, sending OCHO into the ropes. OCHO bounds back for ZITH to leapfrog over him, allowing OCHO to bounce off the other side of the ring.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Leyenda de Ocho, rebounds off the ropes. Xoesh the Zith links arms, goes for an armdrag. Ocho reverses. Zith reverses the reversal and sends Ocho toppling across the canv- OCHO UP AND DROPKICKS ZITH!”

[Staggering back, ZITH flails into the awaiting clutches of SYLO who wraps him up in a full Nelson and throws him over the top rope to the outside. The fans roar their approval as SYLO points across the ring at OCHO.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Did you see that? Holy crap, Mort.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“A display of pure ferocity, Augie. Sylo just caught Xoesh the Zith in a full Nelson and tossed him out of the ring like he was yesterday’s trash.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“And now he got an eye on the 8-bit Hero.”

[OCHO charges forward to SYLO, the fans rallying behind him and is driven into the canvas with a shoulderblock. SYLO chuckles to himself before grabbing a handful of mask and heaving OCHO up onto his feet and into a fireman’s carry.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Sylo just manhandling the competition in the ring. Ocho on his shoulders and BOOM! Modified Samoan drop and Ocho looks like he might be snapped in half.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Well, Zith is the closest in size to Sylo in this match and HE gives up 85 pounds. Sylo is just gonna bully these guys ‘til they can’t move and then take his time to snatch that brief case.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“We saw earlier this evening, Jack Harmen and Aran Thompson working together to try to take down the monster that is Magnus Destructo.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“And see how that worked out for them?”

[CUT-TO: XOESH THE ZITH pulling EAGLES out of the ring to the outside. He whips him into the guard rail. He grabs him by the back of the head and drives his forehead into the ringpost. CUT-TO: SYLO taking his time to pull OCHO to his feet. He shoves him, with one hand, into the corner, where he presses OCHO back against the turnbuckle before slapping a mammoth paw down onto his chest. The fans groan in unison.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Sylo might be a superhero in jOlt, Augie, but Leyenda de Ocho... this rookie is gathering some sort of cult following in the Intergalactic Championship community.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“And that’s coz this kid got heart, Mort. He’s got more heart than any other competitor I’ve seen in the longest time. He’ll take the fight to Sylo.”

[SYLO presses him against the turnbuckle again to deliver a second massive slap. CUT-TO: XOESH dragging a groggy EAGLES toward the announce table, stepping forward to gather momentum to slam EAGLES into the table before EAGLES shoves him face first into the nearest ringpost.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Eagles finally getting a step ahead of someone driving Xoesh the Zith’s head into the ringpost. He’s still not completely with it.”

[ZITH staggers back toward EAGLES to be caught with a powerslam and driven into the concrete ringside. CUT-TO: SYLO rubbing his hands together and cracking another great slap down on OCHO’s chest. CUT-TO: EAGLES driving a stomp into the back of ZITH’s head. And another. He drops a knee into the side of XOESH and smiles a sadistic smile at the camera. CUT-TO: SYLO holding a massive hand back for another slap.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Here comes another! NO! Ocho ducks under it, shoves Sylo into the corner. Knife edge chop! And another! AND ANOTHER! MACHINE GUN STYLE CHOPS on the Superbeast!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“The Superbeast looks none to impressed, Mort.”

[Bursting out of the corner comes SYLO, driving a big clothesline through LEYENDA and standing over him as he clutches the back of his head. He leans down and pulls OCHO to his feet, drives a knee into his belly and powerbombs him into the canvas. CUT-TO: EAGLES on the outside, pulling up the apron and pulling a table out from underneath the ring.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Chris Eagles pluckin’ out the first table of the night, Mort.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Tables are legal. Chairs are legal. LADDERS are legal. ANYTHING GOES! Eagles setting up that table. Dragging Zith onto the top of it.”

[Once ZITH is on the table, EAGLES climbs up with him. He pulls ZITH’s head into a standing headscissors when the fans pop. UCT-TO: SYLO in the ring, hoisting OCHO above his head with a gorilla press and tossing him over the rope nailing EAGLES. OCHO falls ringside with him and ZITH collapses on the table.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Xoesh the Zith remains on that table. Sylo stepping over the top rope onto the apron and ONTO the table. Look at it bow beneath their weight.”

[SYLO stands XOESH up, applying a front facelock to the Alien Invader when ZITH snaps out of the hold, boots SYLO in the belly and drives him through the table with a massive DDT that has the fans on their feet.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“XOESH THE ZITH PUT SYLO THROUGH THE TABLE! MY GAWD!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Planted him right on his fat old head!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“You’re probably the only man I know brave enough to say that about Sylo.”

[CUT-TO: OCHO ringside, balancing on the guard rail, awaiting EAGLES to rise to his feet. He launches and nails him with a dropkick. CUT-TO: ZITH nailing OCHO with a clothesline as he rises to his feet. CUT-TO: EAGLES crawling away from the carnage heading toward the briefcase.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Christopher Ryan Eagles heading toward the briefcase region and he’s pulling a ladder out from under the ring.”

[EAGLES begins to set the ladder up. CUT-TO: SYLO sitting up but still not looking as though he’s with it completely. CUT-TO: ZITH laying OCHO belly first onto the top of the guardrail, climbing up beside him and dropping across his spine with a legdrop.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“That’s GOTTA bust some ribs!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“If Zith has been watching the IGC, from whatever planet he’s from, he’d KNOW that Ocho has finished matches here with his Actualizar and I THINK he’s trying to take that power away from Leyenda.”

[OCHO falls into the crowd, clutching his belly in agony as ZITH points to the skies. CUT-TO: SYLO pulling himself to his feet with the use of the apron. CUT-TO: EAGLES ensuring the ladder he’s set up is steady enough to climb.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Christopher Ryan Eagles has SET UP a ladder and he’s beginning his ascent toward the Championship shot at V for Victoralicious. Who will he be facing if he can pluck that contract, Augie?”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Magnus Destructo is a monster, Mort. Atken is cunning as a snake. I’ve got no damn idea.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“How’s the fence this time of year?”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Shut your mouth.”

[EAGLES’ focus remains on the briefcase as he’s made his way up a couple of steps. CUT-TO: ZITH stepping over the guard rail, shoving a fan off a chair and folding it up as he stands over OCHO. CUT-TO: SYLO running his hand down the length of his face, first spying ZITH and OCHO before turning his attention to the climbing EAGLES.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Sylo has Eagles in his sights, Augie. He’s grabbing a chair.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“But he ain’t hittin’ Eagles with it. He’s setting it up.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Sylo comes up behind Eagles. Crucifix hold... CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR! OH MY GAWD!”

[EAGLES convulses a moment on top of that steel chair. SYLO, on one knee, grins sadistically as he runs a hand through his blue hair. CUT-TO: ringside where XOESH THE ZITH brings his steel chair down onto LEYENDA’s chest again and again and again.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Zith trying to cave in Leyenda de Ocho’s chest with that steel chair viciously. Bringing it down again and again. Ocho has GOT to be clutching at the little breath left in his lungs.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Zith seems to have himself a plan here. Isolate them. Let Sylo take care of the larger Eagles. Then try and figure out how to take down the Superbeast.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“He’s already driven him head first through the table, Augie. Surely he’s got some idea.”

[CUT-TO: ZITH placing OCHO’s arm through the crumpled steel chair in his hands. He rests it against the ground before jumping and landing a double stomp onto the steel chair. OCHO sits up and wails loudly. CUT-TO: SYLO reaching under the ring to grab another table, standing it up in the corner against the guard rail.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Sylo, has his own plans. Pulls Eagles to his feet. IRISH WHIP! THROUGH THE TABLE! THROUGH THE GUARD RAIL! THAT’S GOTTA SMART!”


[EAGLES lay in a crumpled heap. A slow trickle of blood runs down his forehead and into his right eye. SYLO runs a thumb across his throat. CUT-TO: XOESH pulling LEYENDA to his feet by the arm and then wrenching on it. He steps over the guard rail, leaving OCHO on the otherside while still clutching the arm and then slams it hard into the top of the steel railing.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Sylo smashes Eagles through the guard rail. Zith tryin’ to smash Ocho’s ARM through the guard rails.”

[ZITH remains holding the arm and simply falls onto his back, driving the arm once again into the rail. CUT-TO: SYLO stalks EAGLES as he attempts to stir. CUT-TO: OCHO on his knees, clutching his shoulder in agony. ZITH stares across from OCHO to SYLO and gets a run up. He drives at SYLO just as he turns, ramming him into the guard rail, spine first. SYLO drives a knee into his belly and doubles him over before slamming the top of his head into the guard rail.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Sylo DRIVES Xoesh’s skull into the steel. He’s leaving a path of destruction in his wake.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Eagles is bleeding. Ocho’s arm is near out of its socket. Zith’s skull near FRACTURED on that steel. Sylo got slammed head first through a table. This match is going places.”

[SYLO throws his head back and roars as the fans pop. When he looks up he sees what they’re cheering about. A somersault legdrop that catches him right across his face and slams him into the canvas. OCHO sits on top of him for a moment, still clutching that shoulder. ZITH gets to his feet and charges at OCHO, who somersaults backwards up onto his feet and flips forwards with a spinning heel kick to the belly of ZITH, stopping him in his tracks.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“LEYENDA DE OCHO! The smallest man out there is taking it to the competition, Augie. He’s got a table. He’s pulling Xoesh up onto the table AND HE’S CLIMBING THE LADDER EAGLES PUT UP!”

[OCHO gets half-way, looks up at the briefcase and down at ZITH as the fans cheer loudly. His decision gets made for him. CUT-TO: a charging SYLO and OCHO has no choice but to launch himself, landing an ad hoc front flipping senton as SYLO spears the ladder right out from underneath him. OCHO drives ZITH through the table to the floor below, only to re-hurt those ribs that ZITH started working on before.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“BY GAWD!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“HOLY SHIT!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“No time to reflect! Sylo has that ladder and he slams it down on the top of OCHO and ZITH.”

[SYLO places the ladder over the top of the pair before pulling EAGLES to his feet. He scoops him up onto his shoulder and then slams him down onto the top of the ladder, driving the steel into all three opponents.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“OH MY! Sylo is taking them all apart and now he’s setting up a ladder all of his own. He’s going to claim victory. He’s going to claim the shot at V for Victoralicious. He’s going on to face the Intergalactic Champion.”

[CUT-TO: EAGLES rolling off the ladder, clutching his spine. CUT-TO: OCHO pushing the ladder off himself and rolling onto his knees, sucking wind greedily. CUT-TO: ZITH laying spread eagle ringside as he stares at the ceiling. CUT-TO: SYLO slowly making his way up the ladder.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“It’s a race. WHO can stop Sylo first?”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Up there, up on that ladder, that’s probably THE MOST dangerous spot for Sylo to be in this contest. The man is no bird. He won’t fly. Just fall. Fall like a lead balloon.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Ocho up. Eagles up. Ocho heading to Sylo first.”

[OCHO grabs onto one of SYLO’s feet, clutching the ankle. The other foot comes rushing to greet OCHO in the face and forces him to relinquish his grip. CUT-TO: EAGLES climbing the other side of the ladder. SYLO continues to make his way up. CUT-TO: ZITH getting to his hands and knees.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“We seem to be working to the crescendo, folks. Ocho grabbing a table and shoving it under the bottom rope and follows it in.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Sylo and Eagles are face to face. They’re swappin’ knuckle shots.”

[EAGLES nails SYLO with a big right hand. SYLO rains a stronger hit on EAGLES. EAGLES is able to get in two quick, successive jabs on SYLO’s chin before a haymaker clobbers him right in the ear. CUT-TO: ZITH carrying the ladder over toward the other ladder beneath the briefcase.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“I think Xoesh the Zith is going to set up camp side-by-side. What’s Ocho up to?”

[CUT-TO: OCHO inside the ring, setting up the table inside the ring before rolling out and grabbing a chair. CUT-TO: SYLO slamming EAGLES’ forehead into the top of the ladder. EAGLES nearly falls but when he pulls himself back in he rakes the eyes of SYLO, momentarily blinding him. CUT-TO: ZITH ascending his own ladder.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Sylo and Eagles trade blows. Zith climbs high. Ocho is back in the ring with a steel chair.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Ocho seems to be setting up some sort of launching pad or somethin’, Mort, if I didn’t know any better.”

[CUT-TO: OCHO setting up the steel chair beside the table and stomping on it, ensuring it is stable and steady. CUT-TO: SYLO rubbing his eyes and noting that ZITH is nearly level with them. He grabs the back of EAGLES’ head and attempts to slam it again in the top of the steel ladder but EAGLES blocks the shot. EAGLES attempts to slam SYLO’s face into the ladder and is unsuccessful. He jabs at a forearm and SYLO removes it, only for EAGLES to drive his face into the top of the steel ladder.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Eagles with that dastardly little blow to Sylo’s forearm to take away his balance. Zith stands on his ladder but can’t reach the briefcase! HE CAN’T REACH!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“He sure as shit ain’t gonna step onto that oth--- HOLY CRAP!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“BY GAWD! XOESH THE ZITH JUST LEAPT OFF HIS LADDER AND CAPTURED SYLO WITH A CROOKED ARM LARIAT AND HAS DROVE HIM DOWN, DOWN, DOWN INTO THE GROUND!”

[The fans roar loudly as the pair are driven into the ground ringside, ZITH on top of SYLO. Neither man moves. CUT-TO: EAGLES, wide-eyed, not believing what he sees below him. He stares up above at the dangling briefcase above his head. He grins sadistically.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Christopher Ryan Eagles. That Cancer of TWOstars. He looks up above his head and sees dangling above himself the opportunity of a lifetime. The chance to win the most important wrestling championship belt of his career hangs just above his head and all he’s got to do is reach up and take it.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“HERE COMES LEYENDA DE OCHO! HERE HE COMES!”

[CUT-TO: OCHO charging forward in the ring. CUT-TO: EAGLES catching it out of the corner of his eye and looking on at OCHO in horror. CUT-TO: OCHO stepping up onto the steel chair, the next stride lands him on top of the table, the third onto the top rope and he bounds two-footed off the top rope and launches onto the side of the ladder, clutching to it like some sort of deranged spider monkey. The ladder begins to tip over.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“OCHO HAS LAUNCHED HIMSELF INTO OBLIVION AND HE’S RIDING THE LADDER DOWN TO THE GROOOOOOOOO--- OH! EAGLES LANDED ON THE GUARD RAIL! HE DOES NOT LOOK GOOD! HE’S BUSTED OPEN LIKE A STUCK PIG!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Leyenda de Ocho is bleeding, too. He’s cut open his chin pretty bad and blood is pourin’ down his chest.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“But he’s on his feet. Adrenaline DRIVES through his veins as he looks at the ladders on their sides before him. He’s beginning to set a ladder up.”

[CUT-TO: OCHO trying to get the ladder back on it’s feet. CUT-TO: XOESH THE ZITH rising to his knees, kneeling over SYLO before he drives his forehead into SYLO’s face for good measures. Groggily, he gets to his feet with the aid of the apron. CUT-TO: OCHO steadying the ladder he’s just stood on it’s end.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Xoesh the Zith, snatches up a steel chair and he’s making his way across to the Cartridge Superstar.”

[ZITH raises the steel chair above his head and charges. OCHO nails a drop toe hold that sends XOESH toppling forward and landing chin first on the bottom rung of the steel ladder. CUT-TO: SYLO sitting up to a huge pop from the fans.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“SYLO’S UP! SYLO’S UP!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Sylo is UP on his feet and he’s making a b-line for Leyenda de Ocho and Xoesh the Zith.”

[CUT-TO: OCHO scurrying around to the farside of the ladder and beginning to climb up the rungs toward the top. CUT-TO: ZITH rising to his feet, unknowing the Superbeast is behind him. SYLO hoists ZITH onto his shoulders into Fireman’s carry.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“BY GAWD! SYSTEMATIC SHUTDOWN! SYSTEMATIC SHUTDOWN! SYLO JUST ENDED ZITH! OCHO IS FROZEN WITH FEAR!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“It’s even MORE brutal in person.”

[SYLO begins to climb the opposite side of the ladder. OCHO doesn’t move until he’s face-to-face with SYLO and realises that he’s got to get their quicker than SYLO. He scurries up as fast he can but SYLO is able to climb a couple of rungs at a time, reaching the top first.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Folks, whoever lands on the ground with the briefcase in their grasp TAKES the title shot at V for Victoralicious.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Sylo’s got a wicked glint in his eye, Mort.”

[SYLO puts a massive hand in OCHO’s face to hold him back and tries to reach for the briefcase, nearly catching the case but only able to bother it enough to knock it off the hook so it tumbles to the floor below.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“The briefcase has fallen! The title shot is below them both and Sylo releases his grip on Ocho and makes his slow descent down.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“At his size, it’s difficult to scale back down the ladder at any great pace. Why is Ocho going up?”

[LEYENDA DE OCHO climbs to the top of the ladder, jumps up and catches the hook the case was hanging from, swings out and drives both boots into the face of SYLO, knocking him off the top of the ladder to the ground below.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“OCHO JUST BOOTED SYLO FROM THAT TWENTY FOOT LADDER, AUGIE! TWO BOOTS IN THE FACE! DOWN GOES THE SUPERBEAST!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Ocho is trying to get a footing on the top of that ladder again.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“What’s he’s doing?”

[OCHO tries to get a toe onto the top of the ladder, stopping himself from swaying when he can finally plant a foot onto the top he places the other. CUT-TO: SYLO laying flat on his back, staring up at OCHO getting his balance but unable to move to do anything about it. The briefcase is a couple of metres out of SYLO’s reach.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Sylo, down for the count. Briefcase and title shot contract JUST out of his reach. Up above, Ocho has got his footing and he begins to descend.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“The fans are booing him, Mort.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“They are, too. Wait.... what are they chanting?”

OCEAN CITY, MARYLAND:
“ACK-CHOO-LIZAR! ACK-CHOO-LIZAR! ACK-CHOO-LIZAR!”

[OCHO stares around at the fans, wide-eyed. CUT-TO: SYLO laying below. CUT-TO: OCHO who points toward the skies to a raucous cheer from the fans.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Ocean City, Maryland, is calling for Sylo’s blood and want Leyenda de Ocho to put his body on the line and put an end to this match. Put an end to this match and advance to victory.”

[OCHO steps up onto the top of the ladder, does the sign of the cross and leaps into the air into a corkscrew.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“HOLY CRAP! LOOK AT THIS!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“AAAAAAAAACK-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-WWWWWELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-IIIIIIIIIIIZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!”

[OCHO lands, belly first, onto SYLO, bouncing off him almost as quick as he lands on him, clutching his ribs in agony as he scurries with his last ounce of adrenaline coursing through his veins, on his knees, to the briefcase and snatching it up off the floor and clutching it dearly to his chest.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“HE’S DONE IT! HE’S DONE IT!”

***DING! DING! DING!***

AUGUST MONDAY:
“What a match. What an amazing finish!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Leyenda de Ocho. He’s nailed Sylo with the Actualizar and he’s secured the victory. He’s recovered the briefcase AND the shot at the Intergalactic Championship at V for Victoralicious and he will face the winner out of tonight’s main event.”

[On ground zero, OCHO is hunched up, knees to his chest, leaning against the guard rail clutching the briefcase like a precious treasure while fans pat him on the shoulders and back on congratulation. CUT-TO: SYLO clutching his own belly as he sits up, snarling viciously as he looks across at OCHO clutching the case.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“I can’t believe the match I’ve witnessed. That was amazing. TRULY amazing. How did Ocho get away with it?”

MORTON MURPHY:
“By the skin of his teeth. This contest between Sylo and de Ocho toward the end was neck and neck and it was the merest of margins Ocho was able to get away with the victory.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Sylo had the momentum. He DESTROYED Zith with that Systematic Shutdown but in the end... the flying lunacy of Leyenda de Ocho managed to overcome the Superbeast long enough to capture the briefcase and the opportunity to become the Intergalactic Champion at V for Victoralicious.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“We’ll be back soon!”
 

fugginVOSS

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Sorry, You're Not a Winner: BA DUM DUM DUM - The Champ is Here!

[FADE-IN: On PHIL ATKEN, standing backstage, panting a little, a little wide eyed too. He is standing directly in front of the Sorry, You're Not a Winner back drop and is wearing his pristine Intergalatic Championship around his waist. He has a look of panic in his eyes as he begins to yell at the camera and to anyone else within earshot that might listen]

PHIL ATKEN:
“They expect me to go out to the ring and fight THAT? They expect me to wrestle THAT THING? Did you see what he just did to me? I'm demanding right now that someone goes to the ring and immediately revokes his title shot. He dared to lay his hands on THE Intergalatic Championship before his . I don't care who you have to talk to, get Morton, get anyone out there to tell the fans that due to Magnus' actions earlier tonight he has forfeited his title shot. And if you won't revoke it we should at least delay it until he's properly drug tested. “

[ATKEN swings his head around in both directions, waiting for someone to respond to his demands. A man with a black IGC Logo t-shirt comes running on to the scene, waving his hands and trying to attract PHIL’s attention]

MAN WITH BLACK SHIRT:
“Match is going ahead Phil, that's what I've heard from the control booth. Sorry man. “

[ATKEN goes full on bug eyed at the news]

PHIL ATKEN:
“Sorry? Sorry? You're sorry! Oh well then, if you're sorry I suppose it doesn't matter too much that you are sending me to the ring for my immediate death. That dude is clearly on the juice, he's showing all the tell tale signs of roid rage that I read on Wikipedia and there is no way this match should be taking place until a full congressional investigation is launched into this matter. Until then, I'm happy to continue as Intergalatic Champion until this kerfuffle blows up.”

MAN WITH BLACK SHIRT:
“Phil, it's the commission, they say either you go down to the ring and defend your title or they come back here, strip it from you and fine you for no-showing your defense.

“ It's up to you.”

[The man with the black shirt runs back over to the general area he popped out of, possibly the commissions chambers or some kind of War Room for the show. PHIL begins to pace nervously up and down in front of the back drop]

PHIL ATKEN:
“They want to send me to my death, that's what they're doing here. They're essentially signing my death warrant in some kind of weird wrestling based justice system. This is complete and total insanity. This should be stopped! This should be halted! I am this company's champion and I should be treated with a damn sight more respect than I'm being given right now. You know, I'm one button press away from calling up Saul Slendamin, the finest lawyer that America has even seen! If I end up with any form of bodily harm tonight, any kind of injury, the Commission is footing the damn bill and then some... and giving me my title back. That's all I'm saying.”

[PHIL stops pacing and looks down at the ground, slapping himself in the face a few times over]

PHIL ATKEN:
“Come on Phil, you can do this. You can do this and ruin the Commission's night. This is what you were born to do, ruining other people's fun. If ever there was a time to show off that skill, it'd be now!”

[ATKEN walks out of shot and down one of the corridors, still slapping himself in the face and still murmuring to himself]
 

fugginVOSS

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Sorry, You're Not a Winner: PHIL ATKEN v. ????

MORTON MURPHY:
“Folks, this match is going to be some competition.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“It’s gonna be a murder, Mort. Phil Atken CANNOT walk away with this belt. Don’t get me wrong, I like Phil. I think he’s got a bunch of heart that a lot’f people discount but Magnus Destructo? Please. Phil might be lucky if he’s head is still on his shoulders.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Sounds like YOU’RE discounting Phil there, Augie, but you don’t have that Intergalactic Championship belt wrapped around your waist because you deserve to be discounted. He defeated Leyenda de Ocho at the ULTRATITLE finale to walk away with our grandest prize.

“That deserves RESPECT, if you ask me.”

[“Progenies of the Great Apocolypse” by Dimmu Borgir hits the PA.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“HERE COMES DESTRUCTO!”

[The music hits and pillars of fire blast up from either side of the entry way. The Baron of Brutality emerges wearing demonic corpsepaint which he hasn’t had time to reapply since earlier. He lets out a bloodthirsty ROAR that can be heard clearly over the PA, and marches down the rampway.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Earlier tonight, Magnus Destructo defeated Aran Thompson and Jack Harmen to qualify for this main event, Augie. And he proved to be a force to be reckoned with.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Destructo is beast mode, Mort. He’s a monster. He’s a brutality!”

[ On his way down the aisle he slaps a soda out of a young kid’s hand. The father stands to confront DESTRUCTO, only to be shoved back in his chair. He enters the ring and climbs the nearest turnbuckle and does the Warrior Shake.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Can our Intergalactic Champion overcome the odds? Can Phil Atken overcome Magnus Destructo?”

[Cue “Heavyweight Champion of the World” by Reverend and the Makers.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“And here comes the Champ!”

[PHIL ATKEN steps out from the back, wearing a sparkly black robe as the lights dim and a waterfall of pyro begins to spew down from the roof behind him. He has the Intergalactic Championship belt wrapped around his waist.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Atken sure has his work cut out for him, Mort. Destructo is bonafide beast. His hopes are slim to none.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Atken EARNED that belt, Augie. All who bared witness to the ULTRATITLE finale SAW just what Phil could do to win it.”

[ATKEN shakes hands with any hand that reaches over the rails. He gets to the ring and stands there, eyeballing the pacing MAGNUS DESTRUCTO. Almost frozen with fear. He jumps up onto the apron, pulls the Intergalactic Championship from his waist and raises it high above his head.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Tonight is our FIRST ever Intergalactic Championship defense and it’s gonna be one HELLUVA main event!”

[PHIL demands the pacing DESTRUCTO be nowhere near him before he enters the ring. The referee turns to DESTRUCTO and points to the corner, standing between the pair before ATKEN enters.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“I can’t wait. I can’t wait to see Destructo LITERALLY tear off someone’s head.”

[PHIL hands the belt over to the referee. As the ref tries to take it from his hand he struggles, as ATKEN can barely relinquish his grip on the title. With a second tug, this time with two hands, he frees it from the begrudging ATKEN. DESTRUCTO roars across the ring at PHIL loud enough to frighten the Champ and force him to drop to the canvas and roll out of the ring.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“What would YOUR tactic be, Augie? If, y’know, you were as small as Phil fighting a MONSTER like Magnus?”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Take down the foundations, Mort. Take those legs out from underneath him. Slow him down more. Make it a NIGHTMARE to stand. Just one leg. That’s all he needs ta focus on.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“The official calling for Atken to bring himself into the ring.”

[ATKEN points at DESTRUCTO, making sure the referee keeps him on his side of the ring. The referee checks to see DESTRUCTO is as far away as he can be and he’s leaning in the corner awaiting his victim. ATKEN, slowly and unsure, rolls under the ropes into the ring and the referee calls for the bell. ATKEN makes his way to the centre of the ring, calling for a test of strength.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Is he for real?”

[DESTRUCTO looks at PHIL amused and accepts the raised hand. Immediately, DESTRUCTO sends pain running down ATKEN’s arm. ATKEN yelps loudly as DESTRUCTO puts his other hand on his face and simply shoves him backwards as hard as he can. ATKEN topples over and somehow lands on his feet, shaking his hand to relieve the tension.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“I dunno what’s goin’ through the Champ’s head.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“I guess he’s just testing to see what Magnus Destructo has to tear him apart with.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“I would’ve thought him liftin’ him up by the head earlier would’ve given him knowledge enough.”

[ATKEN charges forward and hits a shoulderblock into the chest of DESTRUCTO who no sells the shot. He swings a right and a left but DESTRUCTO no sells them. DESTRUCTO puts both hands on ATKEN’s chest and shoves him again, toppling him end-over-end until he lands in the corner.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“THE STRENGTH! Atken is outweighed here.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Bet he wished Teddy Alexander was with him today.”

[On on knee, ATKEN stares across the ring at his opponent, as if to try to pinpoint a weakness. He rises to his feet, extends an arm and charges.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Atken charging with that telegraphed clothesl--- NO! DROPKICK TO THE KNEE! Bounces up. And another. HEADBUTT TO THE KNEE!”

[ATKEN then grabs DESTRUCTO by the ankle with one arm and swings around behind DESTRUCTO, driving his free arm’s elbow into the crook of DESTRUCTO’s knee. He then grabs the ankle with both hands and performs a modified dropkick on the other leg to bring it out from underneath DESTRUCTO and bring the monster to the ground.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Atken manages to somehow get Destructo to the canvas, even if it IS somewhat unorthodox.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Atken hangs onto that ankle. He’s applying an ANKLE LOCK! Trying to end this early!”

[DESTRUCTO simply rolls over, sending ATKEN flinging into the ropes. ATKEN regains his composure and charges in for a big boot to collect him on the chin and he’s laid out on the canvas. DESTRUCTO kneels beside him and presses his hands on ATKEN’s chest for the cover.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“COVER!



“ONE!





“TWO!




“THREEE!




“NO! SHOULDER UP! That was WAY to close.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“I think I saw a tooth fly outta Phil’s head.”

[DESTRUCTO rises to his feet, clutching the head of ATKEN, lifts him up onto his shoulder in a Fireman’s carry before driving him into the canvas with a powerbomb from the elevated position. ATKEN sits up, screaming in agony as he clutches his spine, only for DESTRUCTO to cup the back of his head and attempt to drive his knee through the Champ’s face.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“OH! OUCH! Destructo with a stiff knee. Atken is HURTING, Augie.”

[ATKEN, star fishing in the centre of the ring, stares up at the bright lights as DESTRUCTO hauls him up onto his feet and whips him into the corner.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Irish whip into the corner. Destructo charges--- OH! Big avalanche into the corner. Destructo whips him to the other side.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Things just keep going from bad to worse for Phil.”

[DESTRUCTO charges across the ring again, leaping from further back for another big splash into the corner. He steps out and lets PHIL collapse to the canvas again.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Our Intergalactic Champion is simply being MAN handled, Augie. Destructo to the outside, he’s grabbing a chair from ringside.”

[MAGNUS sets the chair up ringside before pulling PHIL to the outside. The referee follows and sits in the chair, waggling a finger at MAGNUS to let him no it’s unacceptable. DESTRUCTO shrugs, Gorilla presses PHIL, drops him chest first onto the guard rail.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“OH! Phil’s gonna walk away with bruises.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Destructo now, flips Atken over the guard rail and into the crowd.”

[DESTRUCTO shoves a fan off his chair and slams PHIL’s face into the seat. He snatches a beer from another fan and pours it all over the Champion before tossing the cup at him. He snatches a soda from another fan and pours that all over PHIL.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Destructo just adding INSULT to injury. Now he’s pouring a box of popcorn onto the Champion. We’re going to have some unhappy fans. This place is charging FIVE BUCKS for popcorn.”

[PHIL, covered in sticky soda and beer, looks like a balding chicken with the popcorn sticking to him. DESTRUCTO grabs PHIL by the arm and whips him hard back toward the guard rail but ATKEN manages to come to enough to hurdle it. Unfortunately, he cannot avoid the referee and he takes him clean out with his hurdling attempt.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Atken just took out the referee. Destructo is sweeping in to take advantage of the situation.”

[DESTRUCTO steps over the guard rail. He rests ATKEN’s head on the steel chair and jumps up for a legdrop, but ATKEN manages to pull his head out of the way and DESTRUCTO’s thigh collects the steel.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Just got outta the way in the nick of time. Ref down. Atken knows it. He’s gonna capitalise.”

[ATKEN snatches up the crumpled chair as DESTRUCTO clutches his hamstring area. PHIL winds up and cracks him in the thigh with the steel chair. He takes it in both hands and drives the chair into MAGNUS’ thigh again and again.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“A vicious streak coming out in our Intergalactic Champion and he’s an opportunist, Augie.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Hey, the ref’s down and out, Mort. Atken needs to jump through ANY window that opens.”

[ATKEN holds the steel chair to his own chest and jumps, landing a modified splash down onto DESTRUCTO’s thigh.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Atken keeps this up and he can force Destructo’s thigh to cramp. Thighs aren’t MEANT to take impact like that.”

[On his knees, clutching his chest and wincing, ATKEN realises the chair remains on DESTRUCTO’s thigh and he stands, beginning to stomp down on the chair as the referee begins to stir.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Atken is going to town on that left thigh of Magnus Destructo. Uses ALL his strength and drags Magnus by the leg closer to the ring. Ankle on the apron. OH! Double foot stomp on the thigh!”

[DESTRUCTO pulls the thigh as close to his chest as possible, trying to pull it out of harm’s way as the smaller ATKEN catches his breath. As the referee sits up, ATKEN tends to him, seeing that he’s okay.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Inadvertently, Phil took down our official and NOW he’s getting on his good side by tending to him. Destructo is up!”

[MAGNUS, limping toward his opponent, is furious. He builds some speed only for ATKEN to shove the referee toward him, in between the pair, and DESTRUCTO’s Yakuza kick nails the referee right on the chin.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“OH MY GAWD! THE REFEREE IS OUT! OUT COLD! THE REFEREE IS COMPLETELY OUT COLD!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“And Atken’s s’posed to be Unfortunate?”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Destructo stares down at the body by his feet before looking up at Atken. HE GIVES CHASE!”

[DESTRUCTO chases ATKEN around the ring. As PHIL gets to the far-side he slips into the ring and backs up a few steps. As DESTRUCTO rounds toward where PHIL entered, ATKEN charges with a baseball slide, sending DESTRUCTO staggering into the guard rail. ATKEN remains in the ring and twirls, arms out from his side, to the fans chagrin.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Atken playing up to the fans. Destructo back on his feet. Rolls in behind Phi--- SPINAL TAP! SPINAL TAP! DOWN GOES ATKEN! THERE’S THE COVER!





“ONE!






“TWO!






“THREE! HE’s DONE IT! HE’S DONE IT!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“What the HELL are you countin’, fool? The ref is out cold ringside!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Magnus Destructo has covered Phil Atken for a three-count and the referee is nowhere to be seen thanks to a Yakuza kick that rearranged his face better than the FBI could’ve in witness protection.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Magnus has covered Atken for like a seven count now, Mort. He needs that ref.”

[Dropping to ringside, DESTRUCTO grabs the ref by the scruff of the neck and rolls him beneath the ropes. He pulls ATKEN to his feet and drives him into the canvas with an inverted front powerbomb.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“DESTRUCTO-BOMB! DESTRUCTO-BOMB! COVER!




“ONE!



“The referee is really struggling.




“TWO!”


AUGUST MONDAY:
“The referee is barely with it!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“TTHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-NO! KICK OUT!”

[DESTRUCTO pounds the canvas with a massive fist in rage as the referee continues to try to get himself back together. ATKEN lays spread eagle on the canvas barely moving. DESTRUCTO rises to his feet and pulls ATKEN up into a front facelock.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Destructo is trying to end this but the coffin nails can’t be delivered because the referee BARELY knows what day it is.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Destructo pulls Atken up and TOSSES him like a rag doll across the ring by the head. He’s ANGRY, Mort.”

[DESTRUCTO stomps after PHIL and mounts his chest, raining hammer fists down onto ATKEN’s head. CUT-TO: The referee on his feet but clinging desperately to the top rope for stability. CUT-TO: DESTRUCTO tiring of the hammer fists and pulling ATKEN up to his feet, sitting him up on the top rope in the corner.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Magnus Destructo with Atken on the top. He’s Gorilla pressing him. He has Atken high above his head.”

[ATKEN wriggles and writhes, making it difficult for DESTRUCTO to maintain his grip. ATKEN manages to fall away from DESTRUCTO’s grip but hits the top rope and tumbles out of the ring.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“OH! Atken escaped but toppled out of the ring and I think he could be worse off.”

[DESTRUCTO steps through the ropes as ATKEN slowly pulls himself to his feet. MAGNUS leaps down, nailing double axe-handle into the top of PHIL’s skull. He picks up the limp ATKEN and rolls him into the ring under the bottom rope.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“We’re back inside. The referee is looking a little better than he did before.”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“And Atken is lookin’ MUCH worse, Mort.”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Magnus Destructo – heaves Atken to his feet. Rope whip. Big boot!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Phil ducked it!”

[ATKEN, with somehow finding some energy deep within, rebounds off the ropes too fast for DESTRUCTO to turn around in time and he dropkicks the thigh he was working earlier. A cramp shoots through DESTRUCTO’s leg on the impact and he drops down to one knee.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Agony SHOOTS through the leg of Magnus Destructo and Atken has found a second blast of energy.”

[ATKEN stomps on the thigh DESTRUCTO clutches. He climbs up the top rope and stands there, awaiting DESTRUCTO to rise.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Like a tiny hawk preying on an over-sized mouse, Atken STALKS Magnus Destructo. Magnus is up! PHIL FLIES!”

[Bounding springboard style, ATKEN leaps with a clothesline but DESTRUCTO catches him mid-air, charging forward into the corner and drives him spine first into the turnbuckles before staggering back a couple of steps and tossing PHIL over his head with a overhead release belly-to-belly suplex.]

AUGUST MONDAY:
“HOLY SHIT! DESTRUCTO JUST KILLED ATKEN!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“COVER!





“ONE!





“TWO!







“THREE!





“KICKOUT! OH MY GAWD!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“AW SHIT, SON! PHIL KICKED OUT!”

[DESTRUCTO bursts to his feet, limping angrily at the referee holding up three fingers. Realising his argument was falling on deaf ears, he returns to ATKEN and pulls him to his feet. Holding PHIL by the head MAGNUS runs a thumb across his throat and roars at the fans.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“MAGNUS DESTRUCTO! Putting an END to this!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“We’re gonna see another Destructo-LOW BLOW!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“The referee never saw it!”

[DESCTRUCTO, clutching his groin, dropped to one knee as ATKEN falls into the corner to recover. He charges forward , step ladders off MAGNUS’ bent knee and drives a knee into the face of DESTRUCTO that flattens him out. ATKEN clambers up the turnbuckle to the top rope.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Phil, up top! Destructo rising! PHIL LEAPS!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“DDT!”

[ATKEN launches, capturing DESTRUCTO in a diving DDT and drives him head first into the canvas and clambers on top of him, rolling him up.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“PHIL’S COVERING!






“ONE!





“TWO!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“HE’S GOT A HANDFUL OF TIGHTS! A HANDFUL OF TIGHTS!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“THREE!”

***DING! DING! DING!***

MORTON MURPHY:
“HE’S DONE IT! PHIL ATKEN HAS RETAINED THE INTERGALACTIC CHAMPIONSHIP!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“PHIL HAD A HANDFUL OF TIGHTS, MORT!”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Phil Atken, with a handful of tights, nailed Magnus Destructo with that diving DDT and rolled him up. He has RETAINED the Intergalactic Championship!”

[The referee takes the Intergalactic Championship belt from ringside and ATKEN snatches it, rolling out of the ring as MAGNUS DESTRUCTO rises to his feet, pure unadulterated rage coursing through his veins. CUT-TO: PHIL ATKEN hoisting the Intergalactic Championship high above his head as he backs up the ramp.]

MORTON MURPHY:
“Ocean City saw the Intergalactic Champion retain tonight. Phil Atken retains the IGC title. Phil Atken heads into v for Victoralicious as the IGC Champ, Augie, and GUESS WHAT!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“What’s that, Mort?”

MORTON MURPHY:
“Leyenda de Ocho versus Phil Atken PART TWO!”

AUGUST MONDAY:
“Aw shit, son. That’s gonna be off the wall!”

[CUT-TO: DESTRUCTO on bended knee, staring up the ramp in frustration. CUT-TO: PHIL ATKEN standing before the curtain, strapping the belt around his waist, with both fists raised proudly above his head.]

[FADE to...]

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