S
Showtime
Guest
Scene opens in the lobby of the GLCW Headquarters. In some waiting chairs sits The Spider Murphy Experiance: Spider Murphy and "Bollywood" Rahul Seth. "Bollywood" has a cup of water. Spider Murphy is smoking a cigar. A receptionist approaches him.
Spider: Well hello there!
Receptionist: Excuse me sir, there's no smoking here.
Spider: Excuse me, do you know who I am?
Receptionist: I'm afraid it doesn't matter, sir, you can't smoke here.
Spider: Spider M. Murphy Jr.'s the name.
Receptionist: Well, Mr. Murphy, we'd appreciate it if you didn't smoke here.
Spider: Ohhh, ya doesn't has ta call me Murphy! You see... you can call me Spider, or you can call me Spidey, or you can call me Midey, or you can call me Sonny, or you can call me Junie, or you can call me S.M., or you can call me S.M.M., or you can call me... um... S.M.M. Jr... but ya doesn't has ta call me Murphy!
Receptionist: Well, as long as you don't smoke in here, sir.
Spider: Duly noted, madam.
Spider puts out the cigar in Bollywood's drink.
Bollywood: Now, that was very rude.
Spider: I'm afraid I don't care, Bolly. Ya see, you're looking at Spider Murphy over here! Now, I'm not saying I'm a great fighter, but I'm a lot better than anyone you're gonna ever find, you dig?
Bollywood: I guess...
Spider: But you see, I've got to get my priorities straight since we moved from New England Wrestling Association of These United States to the GLCW.
Bollywood: Ah, yeah. The NEWATUS. What are your priorities?
Spider: Well, as a human being, I thrive on agression... you're all human beings down there in Pakistan right?
Bollywood: Well, actually I'm not from--
Spider: Right. Well, there's not much difference between me and Gahndi, right Billy?
Bollywood: No, that's not exactly--
Spider: Yeah well, what I'm trying to say is that what we've got here is Spider Murphy... and Spider Murphy does whatever in the blue fires of Hades Spider Murphy wants.
Bollywood: And what does Spider Murphy want?
Spider: Well, Spider Murphy wants a fight. Spider Murphy wants to fight anyone in this whole gosh-damned Wrestling Feeration, you dig?
Bollywood: I think so...
Spider: Spider Murphy will fight anyone. Suckers like Kraven and the Flatliner, the Jobber, Golem, Michael Manson, Maelstrom, The Cannonball Kidd, Chris O'Neill, Jean Rebesque, Sean Edmunds, Sly Sterling, Angel Castillo, but particularly, Showtime Steven James. Spider Murphy'll fight em all I'll tell you.
Bollywood: Eh?
Spider: I'll fight em anywhere, I'll fight em all anytime! Do you know why I'll fight anyone?
Bollywood: Why?
Spider: Because I need the attention, and I'm full of passion.
Bollywood: Oh. Don't you think you might be biting off a little more than you can chew?
Spider: NO, Apu, I don't. In fact, call me crazy.
Bollywood: You're--
Spider: DAMMIT HADJI, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW??? As a matter of fact, I KNOW I'm biting off WAY more than I can chew, and I'll tell you why I do that, because it's FUNNY! I do this all to amuse myself and piss off others! So I'm gonna try and piss off as many people as I can, ok Taj Mahal?
Bollywood: That doesn't sound like a good idea, Spider....
Spider: Yeah, well, nobody asked you.
Bollywood: Actually, you did.
Spider: Shut up, Mohandis.
Iris out
Recap
Basic introduction. Hi, everybody.
Spider: Well hello there!
Receptionist: Excuse me sir, there's no smoking here.
Spider: Excuse me, do you know who I am?
Receptionist: I'm afraid it doesn't matter, sir, you can't smoke here.
Spider: Spider M. Murphy Jr.'s the name.
Receptionist: Well, Mr. Murphy, we'd appreciate it if you didn't smoke here.
Spider: Ohhh, ya doesn't has ta call me Murphy! You see... you can call me Spider, or you can call me Spidey, or you can call me Midey, or you can call me Sonny, or you can call me Junie, or you can call me S.M., or you can call me S.M.M., or you can call me... um... S.M.M. Jr... but ya doesn't has ta call me Murphy!
Receptionist: Well, as long as you don't smoke in here, sir.
Spider: Duly noted, madam.
Spider puts out the cigar in Bollywood's drink.
Bollywood: Now, that was very rude.
Spider: I'm afraid I don't care, Bolly. Ya see, you're looking at Spider Murphy over here! Now, I'm not saying I'm a great fighter, but I'm a lot better than anyone you're gonna ever find, you dig?
Bollywood: I guess...
Spider: But you see, I've got to get my priorities straight since we moved from New England Wrestling Association of These United States to the GLCW.
Bollywood: Ah, yeah. The NEWATUS. What are your priorities?
Spider: Well, as a human being, I thrive on agression... you're all human beings down there in Pakistan right?
Bollywood: Well, actually I'm not from--
Spider: Right. Well, there's not much difference between me and Gahndi, right Billy?
Bollywood: No, that's not exactly--
Spider: Yeah well, what I'm trying to say is that what we've got here is Spider Murphy... and Spider Murphy does whatever in the blue fires of Hades Spider Murphy wants.
Bollywood: And what does Spider Murphy want?
Spider: Well, Spider Murphy wants a fight. Spider Murphy wants to fight anyone in this whole gosh-damned Wrestling Feeration, you dig?
Bollywood: I think so...
Spider: Spider Murphy will fight anyone. Suckers like Kraven and the Flatliner, the Jobber, Golem, Michael Manson, Maelstrom, The Cannonball Kidd, Chris O'Neill, Jean Rebesque, Sean Edmunds, Sly Sterling, Angel Castillo, but particularly, Showtime Steven James. Spider Murphy'll fight em all I'll tell you.
Bollywood: Eh?
Spider: I'll fight em anywhere, I'll fight em all anytime! Do you know why I'll fight anyone?
Bollywood: Why?
Spider: Because I need the attention, and I'm full of passion.
Bollywood: Oh. Don't you think you might be biting off a little more than you can chew?
Spider: NO, Apu, I don't. In fact, call me crazy.
Bollywood: You're--
Spider: DAMMIT HADJI, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW??? As a matter of fact, I KNOW I'm biting off WAY more than I can chew, and I'll tell you why I do that, because it's FUNNY! I do this all to amuse myself and piss off others! So I'm gonna try and piss off as many people as I can, ok Taj Mahal?
Bollywood: That doesn't sound like a good idea, Spider....
Spider: Yeah, well, nobody asked you.
Bollywood: Actually, you did.
Spider: Shut up, Mohandis.
Iris out
Recap
Basic introduction. Hi, everybody.
