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Illinois Riptide 01


League Member
Jan 1, 2000
In a van down by the river
OORP: Here it is, at least the first half of it. I wrote it a month ago, and didn't want it to leave it unpublished, so here ya go, the last card of the GLCW. At least half of it, that is.

(FADE-IN: A computer generated shot of the Great Lakes being passed overhead at a very rapid speed. As the camera zooms past the shimmering waters, the glare forms the letters G L C W, the background fades to black as the letters glow brighter, and show the letters in shining golden form. CUTTO: Shots of the stadium in Champagne, Illinois, sitting empty, we then see an immediate cut to the University of Illinois Fighting Illini Football Team, winning yet another game on Saturday, CUTTO: Shots of GLCW superstars Maelstrom, Anarky, Michael Manson, Jarod Poe and others in rapid fire motion across the screen, the images continue to get faster and faster until they blend into a fury of images that results in an explosion on the screen, CUTTO: The arena on a beautiful September night, and 20,000 or so GLCW screaming fans as some small pyrotechnics go off near the entrance way, the stage is set in the endzone, and the stadium is nearly filled to capacity to the 20 yard lines)

(CUEUP: “N.W.O.” by Ministry)

(Commissioner King Krusher emerges from the home team tunnel, wearing a Fighting Illini football jersey and Bears hat with black jeans. The crowd roars in approval and he climbs into the ring, raises his arms in acknowledgment and waits for the crowd to quiet down)

KING KRUSHER: "Man, it's great to be here in the home of the Fighting Illini!! (crowd roars) The Bears may be going back to Chicago but now you got GLCW in town!! Folks, we got a huge event lined up tonight, but I need to make some announcements first. The next GLCW Pay-Per-View is coming in a couple weeks and the name of it will be GLCW WrestleBowl I! The event will be held in Detroit, at Cobo Hall, where the first-ever GLCW card was held! I have already signed some very big matches and the lineup is already almost set, and I'm here to tell you all about it! The main event will be an Electrified Steel Cage Match! If Maelstrom can come out of tonight with the Great Lakes Title, he will face Anarky in this brutal match! The cage will be laced with electricity and can be used as a dangerous weapon, and it is a fitting match for Maelstrom and Anarky to finally settle their score! (crowd cheers) Jean Rabesque has challenged Michael Manson to a match, which in itself is a huge deal, but I've decided to sweeten the stakes! It's going to be a $25,000 Ladder Match! A bag of money will be suspended above the ring and the winner must climb the ladder and grab the bag! Next, The Movement will defend the Tag Team Titles against Major Impact, that is if the Movement can get past The Dogs of War tonight! "Stupendous" Stephen Morgan will defend his Television Title against the former champion The Jobber who has worked his way back into contention! Nemesis and The Cannonball Kidd have had some major problems so they're going to face off one on one! Larry Tact and Jared Justice have also had some problems and they are going to go at it in a Flaming Tables Match! I have also signed M.W. Grossard vs. "Rage o' Fire" Jared Wells! There will be more matches so keep an eye on Riptide and Wired and GLCW.com for more information! It's going to be the biggest event ever for GLCW so I urge to order it now! So that's all I have to say so let's get this show started!!" (crowd roars)

(CUTTO: Tony Ross and Rick Wiseman at the announce booth, both dressed in some standard GLCW gear)

TONY ROSS: “Welcome fans, and we already off to a raucous start here on the campus of the University of Illinois. You just heard from Commissioner Krusher, and the card for Wrestlebowl I proves to be absolutely incredible!”

RICK WISEMAN: “No question about it Tony. An Electrified Steel Cage Match between Maelstrom and Anarky, a 25,000 ladder match between Rabesque and Manson, a tag title match, a TV title match, flaming tables with Tact and Justice, Krusher promised there would be more! Wrestlebowl is just around the corner and I can’t wait!”

ROSS: “I’m right there with you Rick. But as you can see fans, we’re missing a third of broadcast booth tonight, as Jake Shades has turned up missing. We really have no clue where he is.”

WISEMAN: “Maybe that collision with Rabesque last week really shook him up.”

(CUTTO: Jake Shades wheeling himself in a wheelchair to the announce booth, his legs both heavily bandaged, as well as a large bandage across his face. Ross and Wiseman laugh at the sight of Jake)

JAKE SHADES: “Say anything and I will kill you!”

ROSS: “Looks like you’re having a little trouble there Jake, what seems to be the problem?”

SHADES: “Rabesque! That no good chump! Manson is going to kill him!”

ROSS: “Rabesque?”

SHADES: “Yeah Rabesque! If it wasn’t for that two bit homo Canadian chump, I wouldn’t be like this! Fortunately, he’s going to end up looking like this as soon as Manson gets done with him! I would do it myself, but I want to make sure there is some left for Mike to destroy.”

WISEMAN: “You take out Rabesque?”

SHADES: “What? What are you trying to say? If he was out here right now, he wouldn’t even make it to Wrestlebowl!”

ROSS: “Whatever you say Jake. Fans, before our cameras hit the air tonight, fans who arrived early had the privilege of seeing two great matches. The first of which saw the team of ‘Showtime’ Steven James and Lincoln Jones, taking the new team to the GLCW, The Danish Domination)

(CUTTO: Jones and James make their entrance, Jones focused, James bragging, followed by The Domination, who look somewhat.... ridiculous, CUTTO: Jones starting off and dominating the two Dutchmen, Jensen attempts to look a few shots, but they get shrugged off, Jones can be seen dominating with a variety of power moves, he then makes the tag to James, and Lloyd Jensen is able to get some offense in on James, the Danish pair then isolates James in the corner and work him over for a bit using some underhanded tactics, CUTTO: James getting the tag to Jones who comes in and obliterates both members of the team, James quickly recovers, and hits the Soaring Eagle off of Jones’ shoulders onto Jak Jensen. James then makes the cover for the 1-2-3)

ROSS: “So a big win there for James and Jones.”

SHADES: “Whatever! When does Manson come out?”

WISEMAN: “Steven James has sure been winning a lot more matches since he brought Lincoln Jones into the promotion. It seems as though the big man is doing more than his share of the work.”

ROSS: “But still a win is a win, and that’s a big win for that team tonight. Our next contest saw the man we just heard about. Jared Justice will be taking on Larry Tact in a Flaming Tables match at Wrestlebowl, but tonight he took on another GLCW newcomer, in Yuji Yamashita.”

(CUTTO: Justice coming to the ring, followed by Yamashita, Justice doesn’t wait for the bell to ring, and quickly attacks. CUTTO: Justice barraging Yuji with forearms and kicks, taking him to the mat. He then would pick him up and hit an absolutely vicious powerslam on the mat, followed by a DDT, that almost crippled Yuji. That was then followed by an even more brutal lariat. He then would hit a cradle piledriver, and then finally the Flying Hammer Elbowdrop off the top rope for the pin)

ROSS: “So Jared Justice had no problems tonight with Yuji Yamashita. It seems as though he is geared and ready for Larry Tact.”

WISEMAN: “Larry Tact is tough as well, though. That match should be one heck of a contest when Wrestlebowl comes around.”

SHADES: “Hopefully, they’ll just go ahead and kill each other.”

ROSS: “Ladies and gentlemen, our first match is right around the corner, but right now let’s head back to the back, where Lady Veronica is standing by.”

(CUTTO: Lady V standing backstage with Major Impact as well as The General)

LADY V: “General, you and Major Impact seem to have these big smiles pasted on your faces. Yet tonight, you're not wrestling for the tag team title. You’re facing the team of Kidd and Clark....”

GENERAL: “That's OK, Veronica, because this is just a warm up for the team of Major Impact. After experiencing a major impact at Wisconsin Dells Riptide, it would seem that the tag team champs are suckers......for punishment. Jon and Ric are jacked and ready for action tonight. And they'll definetly be ready for their upcoming tag team title match. Get ready to feel....a...major impact.....”

(The trio walks off)

(CUTTO: Matt Faley standing in the ring)

MATT FALEY: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall..(CUEUP: “Baba O’Riley” by The Who) Coming to the ring, accompanied by The General, from Detroit Michigan, weighing in at 550 lbs. Jon and Ric Savage, MAJOR IMPACT!”

(The crowd responds in a chorus of boos as the trio makes their way to the ring, the Savages pander to the crowd a bit as The General walks behind, a confident smile on his face as his charges climb into the ring, jump up on the turnbuckles, to more boos, CUEUP: The sound of a cannon going off, followed by “Wonderboy” by Tenacious D)

FALEY: “And their opponents, weighing in at 534 lbs., the team of Cannonball Kidd and the ‘Man of Action’ JOE CLARKE!!”

(Kidd wears a black and green singlet, with CANNONBALL on the side, as Clarke wears full length black pants with ACTION on the side, Kidd bounces up and down a bit, as Clarke casually walks behind him, Kidd jumps into the ring, and grabs a microphone)

Cannonball Kidd: "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. For those of you who don't know me, I am Cannonball Kidd...a Man with a Message. And accompanying me tonight is Joe Clarke, a true "Man of Action." And while it's clear that Champaign has the utmost need for my Message tonight, I must reserve my Message tonight for my opponents, Major Impact. Try as I might, I can't seem to convince you two that you are, in fact, mediocre and
uninteresting wrestlers at best. Your false belief has been reinforced by the utterly substandard tag team division in GLCW. It seems, sadly, that the only way you can be convinced to take initiative and change your
unexciting ways is by having your illusions shattered by a resounding defeat. And while it would be most fitting if you were inspired to take action by being thrashed by the murderous rage of the Man of Action, I'm willing to give you one last chance. All you have to do is say the words, and I can start helping you today, WITHOUT having to have my disciple destroy you. Whaddya say?"

(CUTTO: Jon Savage smacking Kidd across the face)

ROSS: “And I guess that’s our answer here fans, as Jon Savage just smacked Kidd right across the face. Jon immediately throws Kidd into the ropes and comes off with a nice clothesline, he bounces off the ropes and hits a knee right to the midsection of Cannonball Kidd.”

WISEMAN: “I think Jon Savage let his answer be known quite clear there.”

SHADES: “But why? I think Cannonball made a perfectly acceptable proposal.”

ROSS: “Jon tags in Ric Savage, and these identical twins are showing the natural chemistry they have together here in the early going. They back Kidd into the turnbuckle and they start double teaming. Ric hits a DDT coming out of the turnbuckle, and Kidd is sent immediately to the outside.”

WISEMAN: “And the crowd seems like it’s starting to get behind Major Impact a bit.”

ROSS: “Kidd comes back in, Ric misses a clothesline, and a beautiful headscissors takeover takes Ric down. Nice move by Kidd, who runs over and makes the tag to Joe Clarke, who is making his first appearance here in the GLCW.”

SHADES: “And let the ass kicking commence.”

WISEMAN: “Family show Jake. But this Clarke has already proven to be one heck of a monster.”

ROSS: “ Ric charges, flying crossbody, and Joe Clarke just caught him in the middle of the ring. He now has him up in a military press, and drops it down into a press slam! Jon Savage charges and he meets the same response, and this becomes a sidewalk slam for Jon Savage.”

WISEMAN: “I don’t think this is the kind of atmosphere the General wants to be in.”

SHADES: “He can be just another victim.”

ROSS: “But The General is now getting up on the ring apron, and Clarke is grabbing The General, and now the crowd is getting behind this monster Joe Clarke. But this gives Ric Savage enough time to come from behind and hit a low blow to Joe Clarke! That seems like it might be the only way to get the big man down.”

WISEMAN: “I guess whatever works.”

ROSS: “Ric tags in Jon, who immediately starts beating down Clarke. Running bulldog! COVER! 1-2, and Joe Clarke EMPHATICALLY kicks out of that.”

WISEMAN: “Jon needs to stay on him!”

ROSS: “And Jon does, he drags Clarke to the corner, and tags in Ric, Ric whips Clarke into the ropes, Clarke reverses, Kidd kicks Ric in the back, right into a Clarke power slam! Cover, 1-2- and Ric Savage JUST manages to kick out. Kidd decided he would use some underhanded maneuvers of his own.”

WISEMAN: “And with that slam, Clarke has again taken control. He makes the tag to Kidd, who climbs up on the top rope and hits a dropkick coming off. Ric is dazed, and The General again decides to try to assert himself in this match. You think he would have learned the first time.”

SHADES: “Not too bright, and THIS was our manager of the year. Are you serious??”

ROSS: “We’ll see how this all works out Jake, but right now I might even be forced to agree with you. I’m having trouble understanding The General’s logic.”

WISEMAN: “He’s just trying to buy his boys some time. Wouldn’t you if you were going up against a monster like Clarke and a speedster like Kidd.”

ROSS: “But in the mean time, The General just slipped something to Jon Savage. It’s brass knuckles Jon Savage has brass knuckles! He swings at Kidd, and nails a glancing blow, but didn’t fully connect. Joe Clarke just saw what was going on and IMPALES Jon Savage with a clothesline, sending those knucks sprawling. And now Ric again attacks, and he meets another powerbomb.”

WISEMAN: “You think The General would learn here, but he continues to involve himself in this match.”

ROSS: “And now Clarke has his hands on The General, CHOKE SLAM! But wait, here’s a cover on Kidd, Kidd is still the legal man! 1-2-3!! No! Kidd got his foot on the rope! In all the histeria of Joe Clarke completely cleaning house, it was lost that Cannonball Kidd is still the legal man.”

WISEMAN: “Smart thinking by Jon Savage there. He almost got the pinfall.”

SHADES: “Yeah, right, real smart. Try real stupid on Clarke’s part. Hell, that’s a mistake Rabesque would make.”

ROSS: “So now the referee is returning Clarke to his corner, and Major Impact is double teaming the hell out of Cannonball Kidd! Kidd is flailing away in the corner, but it doesn’t matter. The referee is maintaining no order here. Major Impact now has the ring rope and our choking the hell out of Kidd, meanwhile the referee is still trying to pull Joe Clarke into the corner. And The General is really starting to enjoy this.”

WISEMAN: “Joe Clarke might be a big guy, but it’s seeming that discipline really isn’t his thing.”

ROSS: “The referee finally just got Ric Savage into his corner, but not Jon Savage climbs the middle rope, and hits an elbow drop down onto Kidd. Quick tag to Ric, he climbs to the top rope, and hit one of his own! Cover, 1-2-and Joe Clarke comes in and breaks up the pin. And now the referee is shooing Clarke back to the corner, but Kidd stepped up and hit a low blow onto Ric Savage.”

WISEMAN: “Turnabout is fair play.”

ROSS: “Kidd now getting to his feet, and the tag to Clarke, here we go again! Clothesline to Jon, clothesline to Ric, He goozles both of them, DOUBLE CHOKE SLAM! Here’s The General, CHOKE SLAM TO HIM AS WELL! Kidd comes in and kicks Jon out of the ring. Kidd to the top rope, plancha to the outside on Jon. That leaves Clarke in the ring, Clarke has Ric up, LOUDER THAN WORDS POWERBOMB! COVER! 1-2-3!! Clarke and Kidd pull it out!!”

WISEMAN: “A hard fought win there, it what seemed like a contest of who could cheat the most!”

FALEY: “Here are your winners, CANNONBALL KIDD AND ‘THE MAN OF ACTION’ JOE CLARKE!!” (The music starts but is immediately interrupted as Clarke continues the onslaught.

ROSS: “Ok, this is a bit uncalled for. Clarke is now beating on both the members of Major Impact in the middle of the ring. There’s yet another press slam to Jon Savage!!”

WISEMAN: “Who can stop this monster.?”

SHADES: “YES! Finally something interesting!”

ROSS: “And Clarke is about to hit another choke slam.... but Kidd pulled him off! What’s going on with that?”


WISEMAN: “It appears as though Kidd is the only one who can stop the ‘Man of Action.’”

ROSS: “Still, a hard fought win here tonight on Riptide for this duo. But right now we have to get to the back again with Lady V.”

(CUTTO: the back, where Lady V is standing with MW Grossard, dressed in another wild ensemble)

LADY V: "M.W., in recent weeks we've seen you and Jared Wells have some problems, including 'Rage o' Fire' dressing up in drag and attacking you, possibly trying to mock you. What do you think about that?"

M.W. GROSSARD: "Well, Sweetums, Wells is...."

(Grossard is interrupted by a "woman" who attacks him and beats him to the ground and kicks him several times in the ribs. The "woman" stalks off before Lady V and get a word out of her. The woman looks very similar Wells in drag again. Fade to commercial)

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