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How to Steal the Show

F

FONTAINE

Guest
{{FADEIN.}}

JF: You know something? I'm the best. That's right. I said it. I know I'm the best because I said I'm the best. And Johnny Fontaine ... is never wrong.

{{Johnny Fontaine sat on a bench in his own personal gym on the grounds of Fontaine Estate. Surrounded by clean and polished state of the art equipment, Johnny Fontaine is a hulking figure of muscle and style. Dressed in wind pants and a off-rack personalized red, blue, and black Nike sports jersey, Johnny Fontaine is probably your hero.}}

JF: You know something else? I'm probably your hero.

{{See?}}

JF: That's right. You've got my poster on your wall, and you look up at it at night, every night, and hope that someday, you'll wake up and be as good, as great, and as good as Johnny Fontaine. You wanna know something else? I bet you can do it, too! I'm no snob. I bet that, with a little bit of money, a whole lotta luck, an illegal sports medicine connection and a few good plastic surgeons, maybe someday you can look just like me. Just like the Main Man, Johnny Fontaine.

{{Getting to his feet, Johnny turned to face the full length mirror, smiling ear to ear. As he posed and flexed a bit, it was easy to see that Johnny Fontaine has muscles to spare.}}

JF: Wanna know something else? I got muscles to spare. Look! There's another one! Ohh! And another one!!!

{{Looking at the camera by way of the reflection, Johnny winked and chuckled.}}

JF: This can go on all day long, I swear. But I digress...

{{Grabbing a nearby robe, Johnny Fontaine dons it and runs his fingers through his hair. He had a promo to get to. It was time to get serious.}}

JF: Time to get serious. Global X-Treme Wrestling, the man you’re looking at is the future of your company, point blank. I’m doing you an incredible service by standing in front of a camera right now and giving you advance warning of my imminent arrival.

{{You should be thankful.}}

JF: And, you’re welcome. Johnny Fontaine is a man of action, not words. As I speak to you now, my manager is securing my place on the roster. All that’s missing is a few signatures on a few contracts. It’s legalities and semantics that is holding me back from standing at the top of your federation and I’ll show you all that once the deal is done, Johnny Fontaine is everything he says he is and more. Only Better. There are some things you all need to learn about the Main Man.....

{{Johnny Fontaine quietly issued some brief orders to a few of his nearby estate servants, then turned back to the camera as they scurried off to perform their assigned task. It was clear that Johnny Fontaine was not a man to play games.}}

JF: Johnny Fontaine, for one, is not a man to play games. So, if you see me, don’t ask me to play games, because I’ll only say no and that’s a guarantee! Another thing you need to know about Johnny Fontaine is ... Johnny Fontaine doesn’t lose.

{{It just doesn’t happen.}}

JF: Not ever. I may get disqualified or something. Counted out. Even pinned. But Johnny Fontaine does ... not ... lose. Screw the record books, the record books are wrong. Maybe you’re one of the point zero eight percent of the civilized world that hasn’t heard the name “FONTAINE” before. Maybe you don’t know about my numerous, legendary title reigns. About the feats I’ve accomplished in every other federation I’ve competed in. Maybe no one told you about my thirteen month reign at the top of the FLW. Maybe no one told you about my one hundred and fifty foot dive off the catwalk at the Astrodome, about the trail of broken dreams I have left in my wake, about my appearance on the Caroline Rhea Show! Maybe you didn’t hear about how I single-handedly reshaped the direction of the WLWC when I took over as it’s C.E.O., Owner, and President. Maybe you were under a rock last summer when my whirlwind tour ripped across Eastern Europe and parts of the Phillipines and helped bring sweeping changes to the way pudding is packaged in developing countries!

{{But Johnny Fontaine doesn’t gloat.}}

JF: But I don’t gloat.

{{Nor does he live in the past.}}

JF: And Johnny Fontaine don’t live in the past! I’m all about the future. And my future lies in the GXW! Which means that your future and your airwaves are gonna be Fontaine filled, and jacked with Johnny, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week! When it comes to being in that ring, it doesn’t matter who it is, where it is, or when. The result will be inevitable. Johnny Fontaine will be victorious and will extend his legacy into this promotion and, hopefully, raise the bar for what passes as real talent in this company!!

{{There was a series of beeps coming from Johnny’s watch, and he quickly glanced at it.}}

JF: That’s all for now. I have a massage scheduled for noon, and a happy-ending pencilled in for a quarter-after. Anyway, now the GXW can’t say no one warned them. The GXW can’t say they didn’t know what they were in for.

{{But now they know.}}

JF: Now, they know all about me. All about the Main Man, the Original HeatMachine, the Ratings Magnet, the Greatest One. All about Johnny ... Fontaine.

{{FADEOUT.}}
 

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