HAL v Cruise

[TheOriginalSE]

All RP for the match between HAL and CAMERON CRUISE at RAUCOUS should be done in this folder. Any RP posted outside of the folder will not count.


The RP deadline is 11:59pm PST on MONDAY, January 29th. Angles should be sent to secandido@san.rr.com ..

 

[JLevinson]

Lost

(FADEIN to the outside of a small, light blue house in a single story. Outside the house, a camera crew and an anonymous guy with a mic stand outside the house.)

SOME GUY: "I'm standing here, outside the house of none other than TEAM Co-MVP Harold A. Lumbourgh, or, as his fans call him, HAL.

"The world has wondered for quite some time now... where IS HAL? After the TEAM event, we have barely heard two words from the man. A defeat and a draw later, and still nothing.

"We have come here, to find out, once and for all... what it is that has kept this man so quiet? Is it a quiet rib injury, suffered in the TEAM finale? Is it something even worse?

"Tonight, we shall find out!"

(The man moves and the camera follows to the front of the house, where the numbers are blurred out. He rings the doorbell and the door opens a few moments later, an older woman answers the door. She scarcely seems surprised at the cameras.)

WOMAN: "Yes?"

SOME GUY: "Mrs. Lumbourgh, we've come to see if we can have a moment with Harold A. Lumbourgh, it seems that for the l-"

(She interrupts him and he seems genuinely surprised.)

MRS. LUMBOURGH: "Right down here, young man. HARRRRYYYY!! YOUR FRIENDS ARE HEEEERREEE!!!"

(They walk down the stairs and in the basement is a set of 10 computers set in a row of 5, back to back. Ten hardcore nerds, decked out in "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US" t-shirts and ThinkGeek.com gear seem to be screaming at each other in a strange sense of cohesion. One of these men is none other than Harold A. Lumbourgh, who suddenly stands up, furious.[/b])

HAL: "What are YOU doing here? Listen. I know. I said I'd tape something. Really. I'll be done in like... ten minutes."

(The entire room bursts out laughing and finally settles down after about 30 seconds.)

HAL: "It's just... the... Burning Crusade... y'know... Blood Elf Pallies everywhere... and... the Outland... stamina gear up the wahoo, Valor Set isn't worth sh*t and... Hellfire... the nagas are EVERYwhere... "

"... listen. You leave now. Every minute I'm here is another minute I could be grinding in the Outland. Now maybe for your Proudmoore f*ckers, it's no big deal for all this downtime. But for us Dunemaul HORDE F*CK THE WORLDers... well...

"The next time you see me, I'm going to let my rogue take a little breather from raising his enchanting to 150 and I'm gonna go find Cameron Cruise -- a concept outdated before it even begin -- and I'm going to show him what happens when you take a man away from the BC.

"I'm gonna level with you, Cameron. I can't tell you from the Dell tech support guy, even though you live in different countries entirely. But the fact is, they you are, NOT getting my rogue up to 70, NOT gathering me enchanting items, NOT raising my Blood Elf Pally.

"And I'm gonna make you pay dearly for that. The only saving grace, of course... is that I'll try to make it quick for you.

"After all, Outland awaits."

(FADEOUT.)

 

[TSiegel]

Re: Lost

"God-damnit, it's like you FANBOYS never know when to quit, do you??

(Fadein, Cameron Cruise in front of a moniter with HAL's face on it, much like you see in Reality TV settings.)

CRUISE: Ten years ago, I had to listen to you "PEOPLE" talk as if you were the real thing, only to turn around and get an open hand to your face for just having the cajones for making the ATTEMPT.

But yet, here we are STILL doing this, and it's Two Thousand Seven.

Now...granted, Hal...Harry...whatever it is you wanna be called...I don't know you from Adam, but I HAVE heard you did well enough to be CO-MVP in the last Singles competition, which is impressive believe it or not.

Even for a Fanboy like yourself, in a rookie season, still kinda raw...a Great Honor, and in some eyes, more than plenty of incentive to improve on that fact.

But you haven't Hal, and that's your fault.

(Cruise raises a hand to signify a non-verbal comment of "Wait-a-second"..)

Now before you get all huffy-puffy over a cop-out, like the little Harry Potter-or-The Hobbit excuses you made for a bad performance again, believe it or not I'm not saying I'm anymore better than you are.

I'm not exactly "The Deacon" of post-match commentary or anything, by any means. I've said before that I've declared a need to improve the next time around and then went about performing worse.

(Cruise spits off to the side of the camera for a second.)

But Hal, wrestling in this business...it's just not the same as it was before, back in the day.

Becoming a wrestler in this day in age, it just doesn't seem to keep the same standard of PRIDE anymore; there's no discipline, no structure.

I mean...it's kinda like a SPOILED BRAT, if I may.

The meaning of "No" to them just isn't imputed into their Brain.

Take you for instance.

Co-MVP of a respected Organization, most people would take that perverbial football and run with it, see how far they can take it.

But not you.

No, instead, we find ol' Harry still living at home in "Mother's Basement, playing "Dee-and-Dee" with nine other dudes on the Internet, in between probably swapping stories about how you got caught peeking at your buddy's sister in the shower from a hidden video camera set up in the shower.

Again, no discipline, no ambition, nothing.

But you know what else that makes it even worse for me Hal??

You're up until Four-In-The-Morning doing that **** while I'm at home in bed because sleep is the more HUMANE and logical thing to do.

Especially if I'm making an effort to DO something in my career....then that really does it for me.

(Cruise shakes his head in disapproval.)

You do that willingly, and whats even MORE is the fact that you ****ers get YOUNGER every year.

Someone's gotta stop it, Hal.

Someone's gotta bring forth both the Physical AND the figuratively-speaking Reality Check that you Fanboys DEARLY need.

(Cruise shrugs his shoulders and clasps his hands together.)

At this point, someone has to and why not me??

Look at it this way, kid....you're not gonna like it one way or another when it's over with, but think of it like this: It's nothing three days straight of POG-gaming won't cure right??

Right??

(Fadeout.)

 

[JLevinson]

Fanboy?

(FADEIN to a basement we've seen before... Harold A. Lumbourgh is sitting in his leather computer chair... behind him, the monitors are off and everything sits, undecorated, quiet. He does not seem amused.)

HAL: "Y'know, I love how it's so easy to dump on the fanboys... so easy to run your mouth.

"But we always paid yourway, didn't we, Cruise? We were the ones who came to the autograph signings and paid God only knows what for your autograph. Oh yes. The true heroes of this business are the fans, aren't they.

"Ambition? What do I owe YOU, Cruise? Why should I care if I'm the TEAM Co-MVP simply because you aren't? Why should I parlay that into something better?

"Truth is, I'm in no rush at all to go out there and make something of myself. After all, trying is the first step to failing. Something I'd expect YOU, Cruise, to know all about.

"Because for all your gusto of teaching me a lesson, I'm not at all sure you're even capable. I mean, who are you, anyway?

"Go ahead and judge me for how I spend my free time. Whether or not I'm at Hellfire Peninsula isn't really any of your damned business, and I don't owe my career to you, Microsoft, the open source movement or the Dungeons & Dragons boys.

"I am my own man. And you're going to learn that there's a whole lot more to me than a floating point decimal...

"You are just a man... weak chemical connections and little dreams that I have no need to listen to you ramble on about.

"The sad part, Cameron, is that you're just jealous. I'm supposed to be something because you aren't. I should be Champion because I'm talented and you're just a never was who saw me, with all that raw muscle and brains... and I'm just out there half-assin' it.

"But that's what it is now. Why the hell should I try? That ain't stickin' it to The Man.

"Me? I got one goal out there, Cameron. Same as always. Make you look stupid. So far as I can tell, based upon your total lack of an degree in particle physics or, for chrissake, man, at least civil engineering or something... well... maybe not that.

"I wasn't making excuses, Cameron. That's what people like YOU do. I was taking responsibility for myself and saying, HEY, EVERYBODY, I KIND OF LOST FOCUS FOR A SECOND THERE.

"But you and everyone else have your heads rammed so far up your Mac-loving ass that you just can't see that you're still paying more for the same bullsh*t processor and dumbed down one-click interface...

"... well the game's over. I've had enough of your mouth and I've logged off and tuned in. I can't Ctrl + Z the situation, but I can damn well make sure you pay for every fanboy you've ever talked sh*t to...

"... Cameron, I want you to meet a friend of mine. He's not made of electrons like most of my friend. But he's almost as beautiful.

"Time for Ctrl + Alt + Delete. You're obsolete, my friend... and I've got to move on.

"It's nothing personal, of course.

"It's progress."

(FADEOUT.)