Getting along in the workplace

[SouthernBoy]

{{...FADE-IN: Shane Southern stands in front of a PRIMETIME backdrop. His head is bowed, starting at the floor. We notice, or rather we probably don't notice, that his attire is, as it always is...jeans, cowboy boots and a casual shirt. But there is a difference THIS time...that shiny gold belt that says "CSWA UNITED STATES CHAMPION" on the front. It hangs over his left shoulder reflecting the studio lights. Southern looks up and shakes the loose hair from out in front of his face and smiles at the camera...}}

SHANE SOUTHERN: " Yeah...I been quiet. I got SO much ta' say...ta' SO many people. So why ain't I out in front uva' camera ever' other day flappin' mah' trap ta' anybody n' ever'body that'll bother ta' stay tuned in long enough? WHY ain't I all over Triple X's ass fer thinkin' he somehow DOMINATED me? Why ain't I all over tha' GXW n' Wicked Sight fer takin' out their frustrations on ME? WHY ain't I addressing Guns, who basically told me I wassa' TARGET 'cause I'm holdin' this belt? "

{{...Southern pauses as if thinking deeply as to what the answer to his question is then continues...}}

" I've got mic time scheduled at ON TIME, so I'm gonna' save tha' GEE EX DOUBLE-YA n' Wicked Sight fer then. In fact, I was gonna' save tha' Intruders fer then too, BUT...seems ol' COCKY Craig's hadda' few words ta' say ta' me...n' well, you know me...I ain't one ta' pass up n' opportunity ta' provide a little "dialog". "

" At Primetime, seems we got ourselves a match. There's histery 'tween us, hell there's PRESENT between us, probably more than most people 'round here know OR care 'bout. But we won't go THERE will we Craig? 'Cause Boston is Boston, and Business is BUSINESS n' you don't hold grudges ..... right? I mean ... yer above that ... right? "

{{...Southern smiles, then shakes his head...}}

" That's tha' last time I'll mention that. 'Cause in tha' CSWA, Business IS Business, and good ol' CRAIG MILES is lookin' out for me. ... Well ain't that sweeter th'n cherry pie? Craig's tryin' ta' convince his good buddies that I'm WORTHY uva' spot in THE MOST entertaining, THE MOST electrifying, THE MOST OUT OF TOUCH group in sports entertainment ta'day! Please Craig ... bigger, more important, more .... OVER people than YOU have tried ta' get Shane Southern ta' play ball in THEIR court. They've tried fer goin' on TEN YEARS ta' get me ta' turn mah' back on tha' fans.... They've tried ta' get me tah' play tha' "cool heel". Some have even tried ta' get me ta' pulla' WICKED SIGHT n' turn for no other reason than THEY SUCK....n' they wanna' friend. "

" But you wouldn't be tryin' ta' do any of those things would ya' Craig? Oh, no...you truly CARE...you TRULY want me ta' bring MAH' United States Title to tha' Intruders ta' make YER job justa' little easier. Forgive mah French Craig but BULL <BLEEP>! You're scared of me. You KNOW what I'm capable of...you KNOW what I can do in that ring, and you KNOW...that come PRIMETIME, you WON'T be able ta' pin these shoulders to tha' mat. So you'll get yer good buddies Guns and Mayfield ta' come down...interfere in tha' match, get you DQed...then beat tha' livin' HELL outta' me. Geezus Craig, tha' WHOLE World can see it comin' fromma' mile away. So don't give me some sanctimonious BEE ES 'bout wantin' ta' be mah' friend. "

" But I'm not backin' down. Call me a stupid HICK if ya' will, but even though I KNOW what's in store, even though I SEE IT comin'...I'm STILL gonna' show up in Orlando, n' who knows...maybe I'll pulla fast one n' get tha' THREE while PI is cleanin' Guns shoes and Mayfield daydreams 'bout actually havin' more talent than Evan Aho. Then, I'll take mah' beatin' like a man...or maybe I won't. Guess you'll have ta' show up in Orlando n' find out. "

" N' Craig, after I beat ya'... I'm going ta' DISNEY WORLD! "

" Party's OVER. "

{{...FADE OUT...}}

 

[EastPrez]

(FADEIN: Real quick - to a huge glass pane in front of the camera, the huge 'I' logo of the INTRUDERS, scratched into the glass smack in the middle of it, giving the illusion that it's floating in space. Behind it, but still visible, is 'Hot Property' EDDIE MAYFIELD, black, v-neck t-shirt, jeans, CSWA Unified Tagteam title belt on the shoulder, arms folded, cigarette bouncing off of lip.)

MAYFIELD: "Yo Muffaletta face - I think you misspoke a second. You wanna REALLY come out here and try and puff out yer damned chest and put MY name in the middle of your Herbal Essence promo? (Shakes head) If you wanna know what EYE daydream about - I ain't sitting around with my pants around my ankles wishing to be better than Evan Aho. F(BLEEEP!) him. I turned his freaking shoulder into eraser shavings a month ago, and it took this whole league and a school bus fulla nuns to keep that belt on his ass then. If you wanna act all bulladawoods, go ahead and play that role, but you may be of the thought that the I are some gang. Craig can handle you, man. I don't need to run-in on freaking SHANE SOUTHERN. (Snorts) I don't sweat YOU, Shane, so get over yourself. You ain't ALL THAT, regardless of whatever these idiots wanna tell ya. You wanna push my buttons? (Takes a long drag of his camel, exhaling smoke out of his nose like a dragon) a one-legged man doesn't get far in an asskicking contest, and your halfway there, BUDDAY." (smirks. FADE.)

 

[SouthernBoy]

{{...FADE-IN: Shane Southern standing in front of a CSWA backdrop with the US Title over his shoulder...}}

SHANE SOUTHERN: " I don't sweat you? {{...laughs...}} Oh how original. You've gone from tha' "master of tha' mic" ta' rippin' off lines from Rocky. It's quite sad ta' see what you've become Eddy. I saw yer little tirade tryin' ta' get SOMEBODY, ANYBODY ta' give ya' a little recognition. TROY PAY ME SOME ATTENTION! SHANE, give me my DUE! HORNET DOESN'T RESPECT ME! GUNS IS GREAT! I upstaged the FREAKIN' GXW...WHY ain't nobody payin' me any ATTENTION. Geezus Eddie, I swear...if you'd dropped any more names in that cheap attempt ta' regain some lost heat, I'd have thought you were just readin' a roster list hopein' one of those names would actually give ya' tha' time of day. Face it mah' good man...nobody REALLY cares 'bout tha' Intruders. Nobody really CARES 'bout Eddie Mayfield anymore. But if you wanna' go ribbin' on Shane Southern n' tellin' tha' world that I ain't <BLEEP> just cause of Boston, I'd COULD bring up tha' fact that at least I GOTTA' little gold belt in mah' other "activities"...I hear you've been <BLEEP>-slapped 'round by some spoiled rich kid up in yer old stompin' grounds. Quite sad, quite sad indeed. "

" Point is Eddy, don't get bent outta' shape just 'cause I threw yer name in onna' promo. It wasn't 'cause I actually gave a damn 'bout you, it was just in passin'. I couldn't actually care LESS WHAT you do in Orlando. You wanna' come down, fine I'll kick YER ass just like I'm gonna' do your silent partner...you think yer BOY's got what it takes ta' beat his "employee", then go ahead n' stay in tha' back n' I'll show ya' just how WRONG ya' really are. "

" Now, I've given you yer attention, go play with PI n' tell Craig I miss 'em. "

" Party's Over. "

{{...FADE OUT...}}

 

[EastPrez]

Factchecking

(FADEIN: To EDDIE MAYFIELD, holding a childs 'Speak N' Spell' toy. He looks it over, a cigarette hanging outta his mouth, smoke curling from the business end)

MAYFIELD: (Pulls the string, and the toy says 'A sheep makes this sound! (SFX: BAAAAAAAA.)' "Shane, you know what, you're really lame, and should be ashamed to have even recorded that promo. You were better off staying under your bed than responding to me. Wanna know something? The people that pay attention to Eddie Mayfield, are the ones that bow in the stands and scream 'WE'RE NOT WORTHY' everytime I drop a hot line on the mic in the middle of a promo. The people that pay attention to Eddie Mayfield, are the ones that wanna rock the F451 tee, and have to hit ebay because my merch sold outta the kiosk before bell time. Apparently you weren't listening, Shane, when the Intruders told the world that we don't NEED to get over - WE'RE ALREADY FAMOUS. (Smirks, and pulls the string again, and the toy says 'A chicken makes THIS sound! SFX: CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK') Sounds like somebody I know.

You know what man, you, and the rest of these cats, ESPECIALLY the so-called 'heroes' of this sport always try to ignore the obvious, to make sure that little kids go to sleep, praying that people like you will kick in the door and save their mommies from getting their asses kicked another night by their drunk fathers. Talkin' outta both sides of your mouth, shaping the story to make yourself look righteous. You wanna come out here, put MY name in YOUR mouth, then tell me that 'it was just in passin' chere'... (Sighs) then if I'm no worry to you, Shane, then keep my name outta your promos. If YOU DON'T SWEAT ME, then you can really do better than coming out here with some second-thought bullsh(BLEEEP!) coming outta your hole about how, after, (Looks at watch) a week after Fish Fund, nobody cares about Eddie Mayfield? (Laughs) Ain't nobody said I was in a popularity contest, cornhusk. When I run for office, you'll know it, trust me. (Smirks) But you REALLY wanna have these idiot fans believe that you're as pure as the driven snow, when I can count on two hands, the people that have been out there to save YOUR ass from yet ANOTHER ASSKICKING, and couldn't get nary a 'thank you' in return - lord KNOWS that you ain't never gonna go help THEM out. Shane, you're the worse thing about a super-babyface - you're a freaking HYPOCRITE. You're that guy who, when he finally gets his award, he stands up in front of the academy, and can't think of anybody he should thank, because in his head - he got there ALL by himself.(Laughs)

So, now, Eddie Mayfield is supposed to shrivel up and blow away because Shane said I should. because... (Fakes a tear) NOBODY LOVES ME! Do I need Troy Windham to pay attention to me? I could give a sh(BLEEEP!) what he does - as long as he stays outta my way. Do I give a crap about you? Heh - man, you wish I did. It doesn't take much to make me talk - and anytime I can come out here and pull the blinders off of these people, to let them know that you ain't nothing more than an uncharasmatic, broken-record idiot, I'LL DO DAT.

Yunno what, everybody wants to come out here and speak on who's got heat and who don't. (Pulls the toy - 'A cat says 'MEOW!') I don't wake up in cold sweats, hoping to high heaven that the cheers will never cease, Shane. I don't get off from the cheers of a buncha mutants who can't rub two food stamps together. And I don't give a sh(BLEEP!) what some one-legged, one-liner spouting idiot with a catchphrase and a gay finisher cares to believe is his idea of what is and is NOT gospel.

And apparently, you don't listen very well, either. I told you, from the jump, that I don't sweat you. Hey, if you say I ripped that from some movie I ain't seen in 20 years, then, whatever. Score one for you. (Rolls eyes) And what I told you when this all started Shane, was that you ain't WORTH running-in on. What does THAT mean? Well... (Makes makeshift sign-language and speaks in a 'retarded' voice) It means... that Craig... MiyULLLS, don't need help... whoopin' your ass. It MEANS, Shane... that YOU ain't as important as you THINK. And it means ... (Throws up hands) Ah - man, you ain't even worth it. The Intruders aren't here to take YOU down, Shane. Get over yourself.

They call me MUST-SEE TV for a reason, Shane. When I finished turning EX-Champ Evan Ahos' shoulder into confetti, the sheets were ablaze about 5-star thisses and thats. Those doods that wanna be my buddy in the back couldn't shut the hell up about that barnburner match, and how I blazed all over the champ. All I heard after your matches in CSWA is 'who's up next - is it time to go home yet?' and thats' not by accident. Maybe you weren't paying attention, friend, but you're looking at the one-man Triple Threat of wrestling. Charisma, Workrate, Mic-Hops. All NET, Shane. If you, a guy who's been running out here for the past 5 or so years screaming PAHTEES OVAH! PAHTEE'S OVAH! is oh-so fresh and original, then you'll have to forgive me. I'm too busy ENTERTAINING the masses everytime I open my mouth, spitting hot lines, instead of rehashing the SAME... GOT-DA(BLEEEEEP!) THING everytime I come out here. Shane, I'm not gonna put you over anymore, because lord knows, your whole career has been a weight on some other doods' shoulders, or at a lag in a roster, so I'll leave you with this. If you think that I need YOUR attention, or justification, then I wanna buy some of whatever you're smoking. You ain't fooling a damned soul, and shortly, you'll have plenty of time to sit and think about it. A LOTTA time. Heh."

(FADEOUT as EDDIE pulls the string one more time, and it lets out a cats mewl, making him smile wide.)

 

[SouthernBoy]

You Amuse Me

{{...FADE-IN: Shane Southern with the CSWA US Title...}}

SHANE SOUTHERN: " Eddy...Eddy...Eddy, forra' guy tha "don't sweat me"....forra' guy that don't give two <BLEEP>s about me...you sure as hell gotta' lot ta' say 'bout me. Oh, I forgot, yer just givin' tha' people what they want, right? Those HOT mic skills...rockin' and rollin'. OK, I'll accept that. N' yeah, there ARE people up in tha' stands that buy yer shirts...that's great, you wanna' cookie fer that? Oh, but not just that right...they LOVE to hear you "rock tha' mic". Last I checked nimrod they didn't give no prize in tha' CSWA fer mic skills. But I gotta' admit Eddy, if they did...you'd get Miss Leberschwitz's Prize for best Third Grade Presentation. In fact, your promos have seemed pretty juvenile and bland lately mah' friend. I can't think of one little phrase tha' people will be talkin' 'bout at tha' water cooler tha' next day. You? But all that aside, YOU ARE one half of tha' TAG TEAM champs....and it only took what...three, four tries. Good fer you Eddy, good fer you. "

" Lemme' tell ya' somethin' Eddy, n' I want ya' ta' listen really close. Turn up yer TV and put yer nose on tha' screen cause I don't want ya' ta' MISS this. YOU ... MEAN ... NOTHING ... TO ... ME. See Eddy, I'm not in tha' tag division...so right now, if you hadn't gone into yer little tirade 'cause I happened ta' mention yer name, I probably wouldn't even know that you turned Evan Aho's "shoulder into confetti". Well, maybe I would since you tell ANYBODY and EVERYBODY who'll listen. But other than that, I probably wouldn't CARE what you were doin'. But since yer tantrum I just gotta' ask ya' Eddy, did ya' WIN that match? Oh I know, I know...there was some, uh, "interference" right. You gotta' EXCUSE for everythin' Eddy...n' pretty soon, hell probably even now, MOST people see ya' for what you ARE...a pathetic attention grabber tryin' ta' hang on a little longer. "

" Ya' see Eddy, YOU'RE tha' one makin' this a popularity contest. Tha' fans wanna' cheer YOU, that's their business. I make no bones 'bout tha' fact I do what I do fer THEM. So if you think I'm selfish...well you can just go <BLEEP> yerself, 'cause that's tha' FURTHEST place from tha' truth you could possibly go. I've spent mah' WHOLE career doin' it fer THEM...doin' it 'cause THEY wanna' see ME wrestle. Don't EVER question that Eddy. NEVER question mah' loyalty to tha' fans. You wanna' do fer YOU, you go right ahead...but there are people in this sport that get by on more than just their own ego. "

" Ya' know, for ALL that talk you just did, you actually talked about WRESTLIN' talent tha' LEAST of all. THAT speaks volumes. You can talk the talk, no doubt, but when it comes ta' WALKIN' with ME, you're OUTCLASSED. It don't take FIVE star matches to be a success in this sport, it just takes WINNIN'...and that mah' friend it what Shane Southern DOES BEST. "

" Part...Ah, forget it, <BLEEP> YOU Eddy. "

{{...FADE OUT...}}

 

[EastPrez]

Piss and Vinegar

(FADEIN: To EDDIE MAYFIELD, brick wall, camel, Silver Surfer T-shirt, and a nasty smirk on his face)

MAYFIELD: "Yunno what, Shane? you wanna know why I talk so much? It's because (Slowly) EYE... LIKE... TO. I like the sound of my own voice. ANNNDD... I know it pisses you off. (Smirks) You don't wanna fashion Hot Property Eddie Mayfield as an issue - hey, that's all cool and the gang with me. You wanted to fashion yourself a tagteam wrestler a while ago with that chump Evan Aho, and you saw where that got you. (Sneers) So now you don't want me in your 'world', right? Man, you should know by now that I go where I want, do what I want, and TAKE what I want. That's what Professionals do, and that - heh - is what INTRUDERS do best.

Yeah, Shane, like I said - and you can condense those jewels I spit at you a little while ago into a tiny, bite-sized morsel since you can't understand anything said that goes past 3 minutes - you seemed to gloss over the fact that I called you a selfish bastard. OOOH, did I push a button, Shane? I step over the line? GOOD. I don't wear a white hat, Shane. My stats say 'HEEL' on them. I don't give a good god-da(BLEEEEP!) what the 'fans' think, because they're idiots, just like you, and since you champion their little stupid lives, that makes you the King of the Idiots. The king is dead! Long live the king. (Chuckles)

See, one thing I wanna figure out is, that you come out here and tell me that I'm not saying anything that great, and most of my spots lately have been immature and childish. Hey, (Shrugs) I happen to work in a sport where grown men run around with no shirts on, wearing nothing more than a pair of swimtrunks and boots, and roll around for 20 minutes. If that's a MAN'S game, then hey, I'm more than happy to say your a better 'grappler' than me. (Smirks) What do EYE do? AGAIN, I told you that I've got the workrate - yunno, that stuff that makes your throngs of toothless idiot fans pop like Britney Spears and J.Lo in a jumping jacks contest. I've got the gift for gab, and (Rubs his chin) I've got a lantern jaw, with looks that stun (Smirks). Did I ever say I was the best wrestler? Nope. But since TV went from Black and white to color, people don't care about two hairy, beer-bellied doods rolling around on a canvas anymore. You can go rent that at the local Excitement Video and watch that behind closed doors if that's how you get off. What EYE got - and what EYE do, is ENTERTAIN. I'm the Great Entertainer, I'm the Greatest Show on Earth, and as I said, and WILL say again, am MUST-SEE TV. I may not be the best wrestler, but what I CAN do, is fight. I'm a pugilistic artist. And if you say you're better at all of that than me? Bro, I don't see a world title around YOUR punk waist, Do I? Naw. I see a globe on my belt, and there's like, a map of the USA on yours. Guess who's d(BLEEP!) is the biggest, Mr. One-Up.

Heh, I'm gonna move on, because you're not worth my 'ATTENTION' anymore, Shane, but I wanna quote you on a few things. Bare with me for a moment... (Puts on reading glasses, and pulls up what looks like a dot-matrix, folded computer paper printout - oldschool, with the punched holes on either sides) Ahem, you said: 'You can talk the talk, no doubt, but when it comes ta' WALKIN' with ME, you're OUTCLASSED.' Well, if you say so, buddy, but BOTH my legs work fine. That's a bold statement coming from a man with one good leg, and the other that's got so many spare parts in it, you can't go through an airport checkpoint without taking off your pants. If I can't walk with you, big man? If you wanna race, then we can always do that, and we'll see who'll win THAT one. I did see Brians' Song, so there is a little soft spot in my heart for cripples. (Clears throat again and reads)

'It don't take FIVE star matches to be a success in this sport, it just takes WINNIN'...and that mah' friend it what Shane Southern DOES BEST.' (Blinks, and takes off his glasses)

Huh. Well, I guess that's why you're so boring. Case closed. See, you could put two jobbers in the ring, and yeah - they'll fight, and one of these days, somebody'll win, but that doesn't make it good, does it? You said it took me 4 or 5 times before I got my hands on the Unified Straps, but... (Scratches head) it shouldn't matter right? Because we did... indeed... WIN. Right? Whatever, Shane. You can't even keep your rap together. I guess you weren't exactly the captain of the debate team in Swampland High School, but, I'm thinking here, that if anybody in the Bayou thought about joining, it's because they though 'debate team' was a group of kids who got together after school to put worms on hooks.

You can't roll with me, Shane. Parties Over? Yeah, it sure is. Turn that camera off. this jerk(BLEEP!) can't put a dent in the Original E-Class' shine."

(FADE as EDDIE just turns his back on the camera)

 

[MPettingill]

For Once...

For once, hyuck... Shane is right. No one cares about the Intruders.

-- MP

 

[jediPREZ]

RE: For Once...

MILES: "Hey Plett, nobody cares about the waterboy either."

 

[jediPREZ]

Who are you REALLY fighting for?

(FADEIN: 'COCKY' CRAIG MILES watching SHANE SOUTHERN's promo...)

Well ain't that sweeter th'n cherry pie? Craig's tryin' ta' convince his good buddies that I'm WORTHY uva' spot in THE MOST entertaining, THE MOST electrifying, THE MOST OUT OF TOUCH group in sports entertainment ta'day! Please Craig ... bigger, more important, more .... OVER people than YOU have tried ta' get Shane Southern ta' play ball in THEIR court. They've tried fer goin' on TEN YEARS ta' get me ta' turn mah' back on tha' fans....

(MILES turns off the TV set)

MILES: "Shane Southern talking about what's (quotes the air) OVER or what's not (quotes the air) OVER. That's RICH. Isn't this everything you're against, Shane? Damn boy, if I wanted to talk smack about who pulls in the ratings and who doesn't - I would've tried finding a certain man who thinks that by me saying his name, I'm getting (quotes the air) HEAT. I expect MORE out of you, Shane. I don't expect to drag you through the mud...or for you to drag MY NAME through the mud. I don't BEE-ESS, bi(BLEEP!). I crack a few jokes here and there, but understand this -- what I say is what I think is TRUE."

"You better look out at those fans, Shane. Joinin' with us don't mean you turn your back on them. You've seen who they like to (quotes the air) MARK OUT for. You've seen who they think is (quotes) OVER at EVERY CSWA event. The fans cheer for the PROS with a passion that is fueled by RESPECT. Sometimes not playin' by the rules don't make you a bad guy, Shane. Sometimes all that matters is that you gave it a straight fight with EVERYTHING you had. This sport has EVOLVED, Shane. Out the windows is that PROVERBIAL rulebook defining who's 'good' and who's 'bad.' Some guy that knows 5 moves, but eats his vitamins should be cheered for not giving the fans what they want? You know? VIOLENCE. BLOOD. SWEAT. TEARS. GUTS. You misunderstand the INTRUDERS, my friend. We're not looking for your help, Shane. None of us NEED or WANT it. I know you're a straight-shooter and I know you don't back down even if you can only stand on one leg. Join us, don't join us. Don't make or break me. But if I were you, I'd start figuring out if fighting for the fans, the CSWA or a CORPORATE kingpin is the side you've chosen. What are you trying to save Shane? If you ask me it's a heritage fueled on backstage politics, BACKDOOR politics, lies and cover-ups. You're fighting for the CSWA owned by Chad Merritt? Who the hell does HE care about? Tearing down the very walls of this place MIGHT be a good thing, Shane. Who knows, the fans may even CHEER you for it."

FTB

 

[Chad]

RE: Factchecking

OORP: Speaking of factchecking... a Speak 'N Spell isn't the little circle thing that make animal sounds. What's wrong with you!?

 

[EastPrez]

RE: Factchecking

Big Daddy Chad sez:

"OORP: Speaking of factchecking... a Speak 'N Spell isn't the little circle thing that make animal sounds. What's wrong with you!?"

Oh snap - yer right! LOL. What was that thing called then?

I eat my piece of crow with a big spoon.

JN

 

[TWhitefield]

RE: Factchecking

>
>Oh snap - yer right! LOL. What was that thing called then?
>
>I eat my piece of crow with a big spoon.
>
>JN

OORP

Well, you were close. It's called a See 'n Say. The one with the animal is The Farmer Says

 

[EastPrez]

RE: Factchecking

Tee-Dubya Sez:

"OORP

Well, you were close. It's called a See 'n Say. The one with the animal is The Farmer Says"

RIIIIIGHT. I was close. I don't think I've ever seen a 'Farmer Says, tho. They don't sell stuff like that in a real city like Philly

Just kidding, Tom!

 

[TWhitefield]

RE: Factchecking

>RIIIIIGHT. I was close. I don't think I've ever seen a
>'Farmer Says, tho. They don't sell stuff like that in a real
>city like Philly


Yeah, yeah, spend our tax dollars, shove your has been mayor down our throats, and insult us. Go ahead, we can take it

T(The cow says Mooooooooo!)W

 

[EastPrez]

RE: Factchecking

Heh.