Phone Call
(In Nero’s luxury apartment, Nero is on his couch talking on the phone.)
Nero: I mean this is absolutely ridiculous! That punk Donny picked the wrong guy to sneak a match from. It aint everyday it happens and when it does, payback’s always a b*tch.
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What?
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Oh yeah, those guys from Synn gave him a beating he wont forget soon but what’s the point when the kid STILL goes to UBVI in my spot? Do you know how long it took me to write a whole page of match winning insults for Sevyn in my U.S. Title victory match?
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What?
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You do?
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I kept on faxing you every copy till I made the final script?
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Oh yeah right, I did. Well ya gotta admit, that was pretty good stuff wasn’t it? Yup, it sure was
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Yeah I know, sometimes I just amaze myself. So anyways, this whole matter with the U.S. Title isn’t over. I’m sure Freaky Blue can take out the kid, but then he better be ready for the actual deal he’s lucky he isn’t getting at UBVI. Let him have the belt for a little bit longer but once he gets in that ring with me, he better have a good amount of tissue paper. Cause I am..
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What?
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The tag title match.
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Yeah what about it?
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Nonsense! The Diabolical Dumb@$$es can’t do much. No, wait. They can’t do anything. They are LOONS! Stupid loons with really loony names. I’m sure the Looney Tunes would be vomiting all over their storyboards if they had names like that. Can you imagine a name like Minimum and Moron?! Those names signify that they are pathetic losers, just like I said last time.
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What?
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Come again?
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TAG TEAM OF THE YEAR 2001! What kind of a world was that? It really doesn’t matter, cause those two are old, and ugly, and did I mention they were pathetic losers too.
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Never mind. The point is that those two come in the category of has-beens, and there is no room in the EUWC for has-beens. Just ask Stephanie Car-bell and you’ll catch my drift. I don’t even know if they can even beat The Clownfields.
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What?
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The Clownfield’s promo? Yeah I got the tape. I was watching those two with Darry having his mouth wide open in the hotel room and I must have dozed off. I woke up when you made the phone call and the tape ended. Heh, now some people just get stuff that they don’t deserve. Bet that kid Darry obviously never had the royal treatment you and me are used to big guy.
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What?
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Spaz called you what?
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A big crazy softy? Now that is uncalled for and insulting. Sure, you’re big and you’re crazy and that’s the way I like ya. But you are definitely nowhere near to being soft. Of course, Spaz must have wanted to say “He’s big and crazy, lets just hope he goes soft on us.”
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Damn right you won’t!
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What?
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You on ring rust?! These guys sound like they’ve been getting their info from Cold Blooded. You, my friend, are the epitome of destruction. You are gonna rip those two apart. They’ll probably go back home to their mommy and ask for their bottles.
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What? Say again?
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WHAT!!!
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The hell he says. Me, using those two as a desperate attempt to get back to the top?! HAH! It’s actually those two who need this match against us to get over as a “tag team.” They need this match to actually look like a tag team.
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You’re kidding, right?
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IN YOUR DREAMS, CLOWNFIELDS! Hey, cool rhyme! Anyways, those two are hilarious. Tag team of the year 2004! Yeah right, and Holocaust is trying to kill me. Those two need a bit of Zolax just to think straight, cause obviously they don’t realize exactly what they’re messing with. You, my big friend, and me are the tag team to beat, but can’t be beat. You and I are the only team in the EUWC the people actually pay money to see. Nobody wants to see Cold Blooded or The Clownfields or The Diabolically Dumb @$$es. They want to see you and me, kick tag team @$$! And become EUWC Tag Team Champions in the process. Don’t you know how much publicity we’re giving the EUWC? The only 3-time EUWC Tag Team Champions! The team that has captured the tag titles TWO Ultra Brawls in a row! This is gonna be spectacular. You and me are gonna be living it again. Nero and G, EUWC Tag Team Champions, and the team no other lousy team can beat. Spaz, Darry, Mini and Moron, I got two different lists of insults for either of them who get to lose to us, but since I don’t want all my hard work to go to waste and since I’m such a nice guy, I’ll insult both those pathetic teams till they never look back at the EUWC tag division, even if their lives depended on it.
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Huh! Oh yeah, we’re gonna have the victory party. And now that you’ve had a month of no @$$-kicking, one of those teams better pray for mercy. So I’ll see ya at UBVI. Toodles.
(Nero clicks the button on the phone and then puts it on its stand. Nero picks up the VCR remote and then plays the tape, fast forwarding it along the way.)
Daryl: Oh I don't know, that little fountain in the toilet for finishing up after you wipe your...
Nero: Oh PUH-LEASE!!!
(Nero clicks a button on the remote and the screen goes black with a switch-off effect.)
