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Cleveland Riptide 07


League Member
Jan 1, 2000
SW Chicago
(FADE-IN: The inside of the Agora Theater. The camera pans around ringside quickly. CUE-UP: "Silverfuck" by the Smashing Pumpkins. CUT-TO: The locker room entrance. No one knows what's going on until none other than Minion emerges from the curtain. The fans immediately pop in recognition, mostly with boos. He is wearing a black shirt, jeans, and black trench coat with his hair covering his eyes. He doesn't acknowledge any fans as he walks to the ring but when he gets into the ring he soaks up the boos and the crowd's reaction. He calls for a mic)

MINION: "So this is the GLCW? Interesting how I come to this federation expecting things to be different but my little tour of the place has revealed nothing is different and is just as static as the last place. I mean lets face the facts here people, you are still the same bottom feeding, cow-like bimbos that boo me out of every arena I have ever been to. You people are just jealous of me, but that's fine, your money just goes right into my pocket despite your boos. Now I am sure you people are wondering, 'why the hell is he here'? I am sure all of you people have read the dirt sheets. I am sure you impressionable people believe all that is said about me and thought that in your wildest dreams that I would never show up here in the GLCW right dab smack in the middle of this ring. The world is truly a strange beast. I am not going to come out here and tell you who I want to destroy because that list is too long. I am not going to come out here and tell you what you already know because that would be boring and I want as many ears to hear me because this once static place is about to get a little bit better. Ya know life is a strange thing. So static at times but when it changes the dynamics of the world around you change dramatically so that things shift and people overreact and that is what is going to happen to the GLCW now that I am here. God created man in his image and for a time things were good, but with man came evil and with evil came me. I am the purest evil in the GLCW today and in the coming weeks and months everyone in the GLCW will rue the day that I signed my name on the dotted line of that big fat GLCW contract. This is not just a warning to the big dogs like Golem, Maelstrom, Poe, and Rabesque, but to everyone from jobber to headliner back there in the locker room huddled around a monitor. This is not a threat because anyone who knows my past knows that I do not threaten. I am a man of action and starting now the so called superstars of the GLCW are living on borrowed time. Every single one of you will be a stepping stone for me to get to something better than what I have now. Every single one of you will mean nothing to me. Your personal safety, your professional careers, your livelihood mean nothing to me. All that matters is that I win and move on to bigger and better things than you. It is nothing personal. I take no joy in what I do, it is just business and I am the best at what I do and if you aren't to my level then I will decimate you and humiliate you to the point that you are afraid to show your face without a paper bag covering it. The clock starts now GLCW who will be the first to suffer the wrath of Minion and may god have mercy on this poor soul because I will have none!'

(Minion throws down the mic and raises his hands in the air. He climbs out of the ring to a huge chorus of boos)

TONY ROSS: "Can you believe it? Minion is in GLCW! He joins Suicide, Jared Wells, and a host of other stars that have recently joined the league! Unbelievable!"

JAKE SHADES: "Well that just brought the broadcast up a bit! Minion was always OK in my book and I know he's gonna come in and kick ass and take names on some of these sorry sacks! Hell, as long as I'm happy!"

RICK WISEMAN: "Minion has a worldwide reputation of being a top flight superstar, but can he handle the rigors of GLCW and men like he mentioned, Maelstrom, Poe, Rabesque and Golem? We shall see in the coming weeks."

T.R.: "Yes indeed! Fans, let's take it up to Matt for the TV Title Match!"

(CUT-TO: Matt Faley standing at mid-ring)

MATT FALEY: "Our next match is for the GLCW Television Title! First, coming to the ring," (CUE-UP: "Shadow Man" by WASP) "From Hell, Michigan, weighing in at 265lbs., JAROD POE!!"

(The crowd cheers loudly as Poe emerges from the curtain, his body covered with piercings and tattoos, wearing long black army pants and boots. He looks to the crowd a few times and then climbs in the ring, focused as ever)

M.F.: "And his opponent," (CUE-UP: "Lawnmower" by Worthless United) "From Whitelandia, USA, weighing in at 220lbs., he is the GLCW Television Champion, THE JOBBER!!"

(The crowd boos as The Jobber comes out, wearing long dark burgandy tights with the belt around his waist. The Jobber walks to the ring paying no attention to the fans heckling him. He climbs into the ring, points to his belt, and then asks for the mic)

THE JOBBER: "Now I've heard a lot of talk about how I will retire if I lose to Jarod Poe in this ring. The analysts have called it a stupid risk, the fans have called it a shock, and Jarod Poe seems to have had his ego stroked by the whole thing. So I really have one thing to say... How stupid are all of you people? Do you really think I give enough of a damn about Jarod Poe to retire if I lose to him? Do you think I'd do that after a loss to one of the least interesting, most mocked wrestlers of the 21st century? My god, I've heard the stereotypes about wrestling fans being slack jawed yokels but if I single one of you believed that, my god it's absolutely true. Jarod Poe, you are a minor rest stop for me, you are here to bring me exposure as to what an amazing talent I am and nothing more. You exist only to showcase my ability, not as a threat to my title so please lets begin this exhibition so the fans will only have to look at you for a short amount of time."

(The Jobber turns to hand his belt to a ring attendant and Poe attacks from behind)

T.R.: "Oh my, look out!! Poe attacks The Jobber with a fury! And I really can't blame him after Jobber's comments!"

J.S.: "Yeah, he's angry because The Jobber is right! How many times does he have to prove his superiority over Poe before he goes away? This tattooed goof just doesn't get the message!"

R.W.: "Well in one of the matches, The Jobber got himself disqualified, perhaps sensing that defeat was near. This may be the night Poe finally gets over the hump and wins the big one."

J.S.: "You have a better chance of going home with one of the ring rats in the back, Dick!"

T.R.: "Poe is really wailing away here on the Jobber and the fans are solidly behind him! Poe picks the Jobber up by his throat and he holds him in a choke in the air! Then he throws the Jobber into the corner and charges him with a spear!! Wow! He throws the dazed Jobber to the mat and slaps on a sitting cobra clutch!! He's already trying to put the Jobber's lights out here!"

R.W.: "I have to say that this is pretty smart by Poe, even if he doesn't put The Jobber out he will have greatly weakened and wore him out, which will put him at a huge disadvantage."

T.R.: "The Jobber throws a leg over the ropes and Poe has to break the hold! He does so and then stomps the Jobber several times and the Jobber gets out of Dodge and hits the floor! The Jobber tries to shake the cobwebs off but he doesn't get a chance as Poe comes out after him! The Jobber tries to avoid him by going around the ring and Poe follows! The Jobber rolls in and catches Poe coming in with some stiff boots! Poe shakes them off and gets to his feet only to take an eye poke from The Jobber!"

J.S.: "Ah the eye poke, an old stand-by that I love so much! I don't care how big you are or how much pain you can absorb, that will stop you dead in your tracks like it did this pierced clown!"

T.R.: "The Jobber with a single leg takedown and he applies a leglock to Poe! He's applying the pressure and now he's trying to reach the ropes for leverage as Al Marinaro checks Poe! The fans scream as The Jobber grabs the ropes to add pressure to that standing leglock! Marinaro sees it and he orders a break! The Jobber is arguing with Marinaro about it and Poe gets up and rolls Jobber up with a schoolboy!! 1.......2......No!!"

R.W.: "The Jobber simply cannot take his eyes off Poe for one minute. Poe has a very high threshold for pain and he really needs to work him over to keep him down, and he has not done that yet."

J.S.: "I would say it's a lack of common sense or intelligence more than a high threshold of pain from Poe! The idiot never knows when to stay down and his pea-sized brain probably doesn't process the feeling of pain as fast as it does other normal human beings!"

T.R.: "Oh, now you're a brain surgeon? The Jobber takes a swing at Poe and Poe ducks, spins The Jobber around hits a big atomic drop! He levels The Jobber from behind with a clothesline to the back of the neck! Poe with a big legdrop and a cover!! 1......2.....Kickout! Poe goes right back for the cobra clutch but the Jobber is able to block with his arm! The Jobber rams Poe with a reverse elbow and gets to his feet! He comes off the ropes with a dropkick but Poe ducks out of the way! Poe jumps on top of him and starts ramming the back of Jobber's head with forearms!"

R.W.: "Poe is basically a straight-ahead brawler as we are seeing here, but we have seen him pull off some amazing moves, like the Sudden Impact and the Poison Dart."

J.S.: "Whether or not he can put those moves on The Jobber is a different story."

T.R.: "The Jobber has had a vice-like grip on that title since he won it, scoring an impressive victory in that two out of three falls match against Golem at Massive Assault! The Jobber tries to get to the ropes to avoid Poe's assault but Poe won't let him! Poe drags him to his feet and hooks him for a cradle suplex!! 1.......2......The Jobber got an arm up! Almost a new champ there!"

R.W.: "As long as Poe stays on the offensive, the Jobber won't get a chance to work the leg like he's done in so many matches to gain a victory with that vicious step-over-toe hold submission that he uses."

T.R.: "Not to mention the Tiger Driver! Poe pulls the champ up and whips him in! Ohhhh what a powerslam!! Poe yells out to the crowd and they respond! He lifts The Jobbr up for a gorilla press and this could be the Poison Dart! No! The Jobber slips down the back way and clobbers Poe in the ribs and hits face first Russian legsweep! The Jobber just bought himself some time!"

J.S.: "He didn't just buy himself some time, this is the beginning of the end! The Jobber is just too smart for this goth harpie!"

T.R.: "The Jobber is slow to his feet and he grabs Poe's leg and places it on the second rope! The Jobber begins to viciously stomp away at Poe's knee! Now he's using his rearend to drop down onto the knee! 220lbs. crashing down on sensitive joint cannot be fun! The Jobber grags Poe's leg and begins to twist the ankle now!"

R.W.: "The Jobber just doesn't work one part of the leg, he works the knee, the shin, the ankle, everything. Poe will have a hard time getting around now, that is for sure."

T.R.: "The Jobber wrenches on that ankle lock as Poe struggles to break free! Poe retracts his free leg and he kicks the Jobber but he doesn't let go! The Jobber is like a pitbull hanging on that ankle! Poe kicks him again in the ribs and this time The Jobber staggers back! Poe struggles to his feet and The Jobber dives and clips the knee! Poe goes down clutching his leg in agony! Jobber pulls Poe up and he hooks him and he may be going for the Tiger Driver here!! Noo!! Poe is able to block!! Poe flips the Jobber into a backdrop!!"

R.W.: "And that really took its toll on the knee of Poe, as he goes down to one knee favoring that bad leg! He is unable to capitalize on the advantage!"

J.S.: "Come on Jobber! The more chances you give this moron the more chance he has to get lucky and win! Let's get this over with!"

T.R.: "Poe gets to his feet and the Jobber is up and he charges and walks right into a high boot to the chops!! The Jobber crashes to the mat as Poe tries to put some weight on that leg! Poe pulls The Jobber up and whips him into the corner!! Reversal!! Poe crashes into the turnbuckle and The Jobber charges in and Poe gets out of the way!! The Jobber crashes shoulderfirst into the post with all the momentum he had!! That has really got to hurt! Poe grabs him, lifts him up and places him on the top rope backwards!! Sudden Impact!! He hit him with that back suplex off the top rope and Jobber crashes down right on his neck and shoulders!! Poe holds him for the pin!! 1.......2.......3!!! He did it!! He did it!! Jarod Poe has finally won the TV Title from The Jobber!! Listen to this crowd!!"

R.W.: "I figured the day would come and Poe would figure The Jobber out! He was just too tough for The Jobber to handle tonight, and Poe will walk out of here with the title!"

M.F.: "Your winner, and NEW GLCW Television Champion.....JAROD POE!!"

(CUE-UP: "Shadow Man" by WASP as the crowd roars)

J.S.: "Oh excuse me while I vomit all over this table! Yeah, if you give the guy 18 chances, yeah, he's bound to get lucky once! Sign the rematch I say, and then let's see what happens!"

T.R.: "It's always enjoyable when one of Shades' favorites loses! Jarod Poe is handed the TV belt in the ring and throws it over his shoulder and points to the sky, perhaps saluting his deceased family and dedicating the win to them! Then he points out to the crowd and then to the belt and they respond in force! Poe exits the ring with the belt, and The Jobber is just sitting in the corner in shock! It's got to be tough to walk out of there without the belt!"

R.W.: "The Jobber had a good run, but now it's Poe's turn. Not taking anything away from The Jobber because he was a good champion, but Poe worked very hard for this and overcame a ton of adversity!"

J.S.: "What are you, his publicist? The only adversity this guy has to overcome is figuring out how not to get infected from those dirty needles he's constantly being drawn on and pierced with! This guy belongs in a fetish magazine and not the wrestling ring!"

T.R.: "Regardless of what Shades thinks, Jarod Poe is the new GLCW Television Champion! Fans, we will be back with the HUGE main event six-man match after this, as Great Lakes Champion Maelstrom, Jean Rabesque, and Golem will face Michael Manson, Kraven and Flatliner! Stay tuned!"

(CUT-TO: A hallway in back. Maelstrom and Jean Rabesque are walking side by side down the hall discussing match strategy, with the Great Lakes Title slung over Maelstrom's shoulder. Golem noticeably lags behind, not saying anything. Fade to a commercial for various GLCW merchandise, including the new Michael Manson Pez dispenser)

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