BLACK DAWN 2012: Intercontinental Title: Impulse (c) vs. Jared Wells
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User Poets
The Shadow Pope
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Who's Your Daddy
(FADEIN...
Dangles Bar and Grill.
Yeah, they let me in with open arms, shook my hand, and gave me two shots of Jamison on the house.
'You're welcome here any time, Mr. Knox,' said the bartender. I think her name was Kelly. And I could tell she'd probably have slipped me her number if Rose wasn't with me.
Rose knows how to scrap.
So, this is fun. Stepping into your backyard and being hailed as a celebrity probably annoys the crap outta you.
To be fair, Rosie says you're welcome to a drink on the house at TC's, long as you behave yourself.
And...)
"Congratulations, Jared, you get a second chance to make a first impression."
"I'd really like to think you've learned your lesson, and that you're going to make the most of it, but I'm also a realist and I think we both know you're going to show up on our television screens, drunk, make a bunch of loud references to being Daddy and how I'm walking around carrying your belt, and we'll be left with the song that never ends."
Wells just goes on and on, my friends.
"Unfortunately for you, Jason Reeves waved a contract in Dan Ryan's face, and now I'm going to be wrestling twice at Black Dawn."
"Which means you're not an opponent, you're a comma."
"And I want you to remember something, Jared... you brought this on yourself."
"You show up in the Empire and decide that since you never held the EPW Intercontinental Championship, that you're going to just go out and get it. As if the person holding the title has no say: that you're just going to walk all over the current Champion and do what you want."
As if that was your attitude: you pretty much came out and blatantly said that.
"Well, I think we pretty much proved that you aren't going to just walk all over the current Champion and do what you want. Quite the contrary, if you were the Raging Christ Figure that you claimed to be, it wouldn't have mattered that Reeves interfered."
"Don't get me wrong, Jared - I would've wanted a rematch regardless because it wasn't a clean victory, but I seriously think you should be shaking Stalker's hand for putting that sliver of doubt into peoples' minds."
Of course, that was hardly the overwhelmingly decisive victory you thought it would be. Wasn't it?
"In a perfect world, this would be a match of redemption, where you would go to great lengths to prove that you were robbed of a victory, and where I would go to great lengths to prove that you were going to lose regardless of Stalker's actions. We would go out there, shake hands, wrestle clean, and have a winner and a loser."
"But it's not a perfect world, is it? And I'm fully expecting you to remind everyone about how awesome you are and how nobody in the Empire can hold a candle to your overwhelmingly dominating skills."
"Despite, you know... the overwhelming evidence to the contrary."
"Good luck, Jared."
"Even if it won't help you."
FADE
(FADEIN...
Dangles Bar and Grill.
Yeah, they let me in with open arms, shook my hand, and gave me two shots of Jamison on the house.
'You're welcome here any time, Mr. Knox,' said the bartender. I think her name was Kelly. And I could tell she'd probably have slipped me her number if Rose wasn't with me.
Rose knows how to scrap.
So, this is fun. Stepping into your backyard and being hailed as a celebrity probably annoys the crap outta you.
To be fair, Rosie says you're welcome to a drink on the house at TC's, long as you behave yourself.
And...)
"Congratulations, Jared, you get a second chance to make a first impression."
"I'd really like to think you've learned your lesson, and that you're going to make the most of it, but I'm also a realist and I think we both know you're going to show up on our television screens, drunk, make a bunch of loud references to being Daddy and how I'm walking around carrying your belt, and we'll be left with the song that never ends."
Wells just goes on and on, my friends.
"Unfortunately for you, Jason Reeves waved a contract in Dan Ryan's face, and now I'm going to be wrestling twice at Black Dawn."
"Which means you're not an opponent, you're a comma."
"And I want you to remember something, Jared... you brought this on yourself."
"You show up in the Empire and decide that since you never held the EPW Intercontinental Championship, that you're going to just go out and get it. As if the person holding the title has no say: that you're just going to walk all over the current Champion and do what you want."
As if that was your attitude: you pretty much came out and blatantly said that.
"Well, I think we pretty much proved that you aren't going to just walk all over the current Champion and do what you want. Quite the contrary, if you were the Raging Christ Figure that you claimed to be, it wouldn't have mattered that Reeves interfered."
"Don't get me wrong, Jared - I would've wanted a rematch regardless because it wasn't a clean victory, but I seriously think you should be shaking Stalker's hand for putting that sliver of doubt into peoples' minds."
Of course, that was hardly the overwhelmingly decisive victory you thought it would be. Wasn't it?
"In a perfect world, this would be a match of redemption, where you would go to great lengths to prove that you were robbed of a victory, and where I would go to great lengths to prove that you were going to lose regardless of Stalker's actions. We would go out there, shake hands, wrestle clean, and have a winner and a loser."
"But it's not a perfect world, is it? And I'm fully expecting you to remind everyone about how awesome you are and how nobody in the Empire can hold a candle to your overwhelmingly dominating skills."
"Despite, you know... the overwhelming evidence to the contrary."
"Good luck, Jared."
"Even if it won't help you."
FADE
BarryClarkJr
DADDY
Counting all the assholes in the room.....
My apologies to Pete, Brunk, and the boys. Things have been crazy. Power outages, recovery, holidays mixed just sucks.
(FADEIN: Back of a limo as Jared Wells is heading to the airport wearing a black Armani suit, clean shaven, having a glass of scotch)
You know I'm the only guy that I have feared my whole life. Well, as I got older I've feared the taxman, all-you-can-eat buffets, chicks with an Adam's Apple, and I feared I'd have one night like the movie Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. Not sure why. Heading to Vegas with a vehicle filled with drugs, turning the weekend into a simple psychedelic whirlwind is the american dream. But I fear it. One thing for sure, Daddy doesn't fear Impulse. Thanking Stalker, respecting you, feeling sorry for Impulse having to wrestle twice in one night. Roll those up in a ball and it's about as equivalent as me sticking my tongue in Rosie O'Donnell's ass. It'll never happen. What we are talking about here is Jared Wells, Daddy, simply a DILF, versus OH YE square ass Impulse. Stalker is simply a third wheel and I could really give a rats ass where he ranks. The best part about this entire cluster F(BLEEP)K of a deal is I get you first.
You think I'm gonna walk into Black Dawn 2012 and start to sing?
(sings)
"We represent the Lollypop Guild, The Lollypop Guild, The Lollypop Guild
And in the name of the Lollypop Guild,
We wish to welcome you to Muchkinland"
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, let's get serious man. I'd flick my lit cigarette in your face just for kicks. You see, there is a basic natural philosophy of life I've always ran by, I'm sure you've heard of it and I want you to remember it. When a man is down you don't hit him. YOU KICK HIM! IT'S A HELL OF A LOT EASIER!
What ever is left, you and Dupree Stalker can have that cage grudge match. The sound of silence during a match will be a B(BLEEP)CH. Why will Daddy care? He'll be out celebrating with the triple B's. The booze, B(BLEEP)CHES, and the belt. I've been doing this a long time my friends.
You're right, it's not a perfect world, but it will be soon enough. And in a perfect world, I'll be the NEW eating, drinking, S(BLEEP)TING Intercontinental Champion.
(FADEOUT)
My apologies to Pete, Brunk, and the boys. Things have been crazy. Power outages, recovery, holidays mixed just sucks.
(FADEIN: Back of a limo as Jared Wells is heading to the airport wearing a black Armani suit, clean shaven, having a glass of scotch)
You know I'm the only guy that I have feared my whole life. Well, as I got older I've feared the taxman, all-you-can-eat buffets, chicks with an Adam's Apple, and I feared I'd have one night like the movie Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. Not sure why. Heading to Vegas with a vehicle filled with drugs, turning the weekend into a simple psychedelic whirlwind is the american dream. But I fear it. One thing for sure, Daddy doesn't fear Impulse. Thanking Stalker, respecting you, feeling sorry for Impulse having to wrestle twice in one night. Roll those up in a ball and it's about as equivalent as me sticking my tongue in Rosie O'Donnell's ass. It'll never happen. What we are talking about here is Jared Wells, Daddy, simply a DILF, versus OH YE square ass Impulse. Stalker is simply a third wheel and I could really give a rats ass where he ranks. The best part about this entire cluster F(BLEEP)K of a deal is I get you first.
You think I'm gonna walk into Black Dawn 2012 and start to sing?
(sings)
"We represent the Lollypop Guild, The Lollypop Guild, The Lollypop Guild
And in the name of the Lollypop Guild,
We wish to welcome you to Muchkinland"
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, let's get serious man. I'd flick my lit cigarette in your face just for kicks. You see, there is a basic natural philosophy of life I've always ran by, I'm sure you've heard of it and I want you to remember it. When a man is down you don't hit him. YOU KICK HIM! IT'S A HELL OF A LOT EASIER!
What ever is left, you and Dupree Stalker can have that cage grudge match. The sound of silence during a match will be a B(BLEEP)CH. Why will Daddy care? He'll be out celebrating with the triple B's. The booze, B(BLEEP)CHES, and the belt. I've been doing this a long time my friends.
You're right, it's not a perfect world, but it will be soon enough. And in a perfect world, I'll be the NEW eating, drinking, S(BLEEP)TING Intercontinental Champion.
(FADEOUT)
User Poets
The Shadow Pope
- Joined
- Jan 6, 1995
- Messages
- 2,192
- Points
- 36
- Age
- 45
- Location
- Top of the Pile
- Website
- www.valeriansgarden.com
Puppet
(FADEIN...
After having several free drinks at the Dangle Bar and Grill, I was on a first name basis with all the locals. It's incredible, how many of them think the idea of 'The Dangle Brothers' is a joke.
Maybe they were just being nice because I was there, but how many people after several drinks would have the same commentary?
'This place is cool but Wells is an idiot.'
It was the repeated chorus of the night.
Now, of course, I'm back in New York, enjoying a doubleshot of Ass Juice from the Double Down Saloon.
Don't make a face, it's the house specialty and it's really good.
Anyways...)
"You disappoint me, Wells. Of course, the fact that I accurately predicted it means that you also filled my expectations."
"Is this your typical M.O. when you've got a big match happening, Jared? A few flippant comments about how you're better than everyone else, and how you're gonna walk all over your opponent on the way to a victory?"
I assume the song was a special gift, just for me.
"We've danced this dance before, Jared. I know you don't consider our last match to 'count' because you didn't win, but I really have to ask you: what could possibly be different this time?"
"What have you done since the last time we faced off to better prepare? What have you done to even earn this shot?"
That's right. You get a title shot because your partner pinned my second opponent. You really earned it.
"Of course you don't fear me, Jared. Nobody does. You get in the ring with me, you aren't going to get hurt, maimed, disfigured, or have your career ended. I'm not a monster, Jared - I'm a wrestler."
"And I've been in the ring with you twice now. I don't fear you, I don't fear stepping back in the ring with you. I don't fear taking your best shot, and I don't fear losing my title."
"Why?"
"Because you've been doing this for a long time, like you said - and you keep on missing the point."
"I'd never tell anyone that their career is over: that they no longer have it. That's for you to decide, that's for your skills to tell you. And I treat each of my opponents with the respect that they give back to me."
"But you're not past your prime, Jared... you're simply not good enough."
"Now, I'm not saying you have no chance to win, Jared... I'm simply looking at the odds. Sure, you have a shot."
"I just think it's unlikely that you'll be able to win my title through Cruise pinning Stalker again. And you've given no indication that you can actually win matches on your own."
"Can you show me something else?"
FADE
(FADEIN...
After having several free drinks at the Dangle Bar and Grill, I was on a first name basis with all the locals. It's incredible, how many of them think the idea of 'The Dangle Brothers' is a joke.
Maybe they were just being nice because I was there, but how many people after several drinks would have the same commentary?
'This place is cool but Wells is an idiot.'
It was the repeated chorus of the night.
Now, of course, I'm back in New York, enjoying a doubleshot of Ass Juice from the Double Down Saloon.
Don't make a face, it's the house specialty and it's really good.
Anyways...)
"You disappoint me, Wells. Of course, the fact that I accurately predicted it means that you also filled my expectations."
"Is this your typical M.O. when you've got a big match happening, Jared? A few flippant comments about how you're better than everyone else, and how you're gonna walk all over your opponent on the way to a victory?"
I assume the song was a special gift, just for me.
"We've danced this dance before, Jared. I know you don't consider our last match to 'count' because you didn't win, but I really have to ask you: what could possibly be different this time?"
"What have you done since the last time we faced off to better prepare? What have you done to even earn this shot?"
That's right. You get a title shot because your partner pinned my second opponent. You really earned it.
"Of course you don't fear me, Jared. Nobody does. You get in the ring with me, you aren't going to get hurt, maimed, disfigured, or have your career ended. I'm not a monster, Jared - I'm a wrestler."
"And I've been in the ring with you twice now. I don't fear you, I don't fear stepping back in the ring with you. I don't fear taking your best shot, and I don't fear losing my title."
"Why?"
"Because you've been doing this for a long time, like you said - and you keep on missing the point."
"I'd never tell anyone that their career is over: that they no longer have it. That's for you to decide, that's for your skills to tell you. And I treat each of my opponents with the respect that they give back to me."
"But you're not past your prime, Jared... you're simply not good enough."
"Now, I'm not saying you have no chance to win, Jared... I'm simply looking at the odds. Sure, you have a shot."
"I just think it's unlikely that you'll be able to win my title through Cruise pinning Stalker again. And you've given no indication that you can actually win matches on your own."
"Can you show me something else?"
FADE
BarryClarkJr
DADDY
The Smell of Urine.
(FADEIN to the locker room section of Jared Wells LIVE inside AT&T Park in San Francisco, CA. He is hunched over unpacking his bag wearing light tan sandals, light blue jeans, classic black cut off ANTHOLOGY tee shirt. He then takes a sip of his drink and holds up a big sign and pauses)
DANGLE'S BAR & GRILL
Happy Hour Drinks - All Day
$1 Natty Boh Drafts - After 6PM
$20 Lb. of Shrimp & a Pitcher of Coors/Miller Lite
$8.99 Dozen of Daddy's Random Wings - All Day
$5.99 Select any Dangle Appetizers - All Day
EPW Intercontinental Champion Impulse - Creep Out
JARED WELLS: Dangle's Bar & Grill. A place where family and friends can come to. Most compare it to Cheers, where everybody knows your name but we know more. THEEEEEEEEE BEST DAMN CRAB CAKES IN MARYLAND! Twenty-one or older after 9PM, ET.
(Slams sign down over his knee)
JARED WELLS: Enjoy those free drinks Impulse? The next EPW World Champion and I were at the gym getting genetic while our phones blew up. Just so happen to be one of our staff members and she said somebody had walked in looking like a shaven ape, claiming to be the EPW Intercontinental Champion. Does he look like a dirty Q-tip? Yes. FREE DRINKS! Free drinks for the EPW Intercontinental Champion courtesy of The Dangle Brothers. You see, The Dangle Brothers aren't such bad guys are they? When the champion hit the town, we very much obliged via phone call. We rolled out the red carpet and paid no expense for the EPW Intercontinental Champion. Then again, when you show up to a good lookin' town and a successful establishment looking like a hobo smelling like urine, we have no choice. It's just flat out weird and creepy. But we gotta do what we gotta do to make sure the CHAMP looks good. Typical M.O. right? Would you be upset if I told you that I'd rather watch two dogs F(BLEEP)KING than a cage match between you and the EPW third wheel? Typical Jared Wells. Typical Daddy. Maybe I should change my ways? Nope.
(Slam of the beverage)
You're not a monster Impulse, you're a wrestler just like you said. A wrestler. A WRESTLER? ARE YOU SERIOUS? My hats off to you OH YE square ass for pointing that out. Get this, I'm a wrestler too. And you know what else? The company we work for is a wrestling company. Hell in fact it's called EMPIRE PRO WRESTLING. I believe they have a ring with some ropes? Maybe a referee. Here's one thing I do know for a fact. I'm a better wrestler than you and I plan to outwrestle you at Black Dawn for the EPW Intercontinental Championship. Did I earn the shot? Who gives a damn, we're here and I'm dead set on taking what I want. Cruise is going to get what he rightfully deserves as well. All my life I've always wanted to be a big shot wrestler. Been there, done that. I never quit fighting. Black Dawn 2012, Daddy doesn't quit.
Your gold, your ass, my time, new champion. Can I show you something else you ask? Yes. Balls.
(Jared then holds up another big sign)
MONDAY AFTER EPW BLACK DAWN 2012! IT'S A CELEBRATION at DANGLE'S BAR & GRILL!
Happy Hour Drinks - All Day
FREE Crab cakes - All Day
CELEBRATE WITH THE NEW EPW WORLD & INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONS!
NO GUYS!
(...FADEOUT)
(FADEIN to the locker room section of Jared Wells LIVE inside AT&T Park in San Francisco, CA. He is hunched over unpacking his bag wearing light tan sandals, light blue jeans, classic black cut off ANTHOLOGY tee shirt. He then takes a sip of his drink and holds up a big sign and pauses)
DANGLE'S BAR & GRILL
Happy Hour Drinks - All Day
$1 Natty Boh Drafts - After 6PM
$20 Lb. of Shrimp & a Pitcher of Coors/Miller Lite
$8.99 Dozen of Daddy's Random Wings - All Day
$5.99 Select any Dangle Appetizers - All Day
EPW Intercontinental Champion Impulse - Creep Out
JARED WELLS: Dangle's Bar & Grill. A place where family and friends can come to. Most compare it to Cheers, where everybody knows your name but we know more. THEEEEEEEEE BEST DAMN CRAB CAKES IN MARYLAND! Twenty-one or older after 9PM, ET.
(Slams sign down over his knee)
JARED WELLS: Enjoy those free drinks Impulse? The next EPW World Champion and I were at the gym getting genetic while our phones blew up. Just so happen to be one of our staff members and she said somebody had walked in looking like a shaven ape, claiming to be the EPW Intercontinental Champion. Does he look like a dirty Q-tip? Yes. FREE DRINKS! Free drinks for the EPW Intercontinental Champion courtesy of The Dangle Brothers. You see, The Dangle Brothers aren't such bad guys are they? When the champion hit the town, we very much obliged via phone call. We rolled out the red carpet and paid no expense for the EPW Intercontinental Champion. Then again, when you show up to a good lookin' town and a successful establishment looking like a hobo smelling like urine, we have no choice. It's just flat out weird and creepy. But we gotta do what we gotta do to make sure the CHAMP looks good. Typical M.O. right? Would you be upset if I told you that I'd rather watch two dogs F(BLEEP)KING than a cage match between you and the EPW third wheel? Typical Jared Wells. Typical Daddy. Maybe I should change my ways? Nope.
(Slam of the beverage)
You're not a monster Impulse, you're a wrestler just like you said. A wrestler. A WRESTLER? ARE YOU SERIOUS? My hats off to you OH YE square ass for pointing that out. Get this, I'm a wrestler too. And you know what else? The company we work for is a wrestling company. Hell in fact it's called EMPIRE PRO WRESTLING. I believe they have a ring with some ropes? Maybe a referee. Here's one thing I do know for a fact. I'm a better wrestler than you and I plan to outwrestle you at Black Dawn for the EPW Intercontinental Championship. Did I earn the shot? Who gives a damn, we're here and I'm dead set on taking what I want. Cruise is going to get what he rightfully deserves as well. All my life I've always wanted to be a big shot wrestler. Been there, done that. I never quit fighting. Black Dawn 2012, Daddy doesn't quit.
Your gold, your ass, my time, new champion. Can I show you something else you ask? Yes. Balls.
(Jared then holds up another big sign)
MONDAY AFTER EPW BLACK DAWN 2012! IT'S A CELEBRATION at DANGLE'S BAR & GRILL!
Happy Hour Drinks - All Day
FREE Crab cakes - All Day
CELEBRATE WITH THE NEW EPW WORLD & INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONS!
NO GUYS!
(...FADEOUT)
User Poets
The Shadow Pope
- Joined
- Jan 6, 1995
- Messages
- 2,192
- Points
- 36
- Age
- 45
- Location
- Top of the Pile
- Website
- www.valeriansgarden.com
Re: The Smell of Urine.
No scenery. No extras. No frills. No mercy.
Go.
"What do you do, Jared?"
"Let me guess."
"Gym. Shower. Bar. Back alley vomit party. Take home some orange tramp with a duckface and regret the last five shots of whiskey but save yourself another trip to the free clinic. Wash, rinse, repeat."
"You could probably get a lotta extra face time in the social scene with people who clearly aren't hanging out with you just because there's TV cameras around if you just taped one piece and hit 'replay' every time your opponent - me, in this case - spoke."
It'd be much more time - constructive for you to do that, since all you do is say the same thing, over and over.
"You're better than me. You're going to win the Intercontinental Title because you want to."
...
"This is your second try, Jared. Did you not want to win last time? Was all your puffed - up bravado a show to lull me into a false sense of security over how overmatched you were and totally not overcompensating for your lack of ability to win on the big stage?"
"I don't expect you to admit it, because your entire facade is being The Ultimate Party Host and The Loudest Man In the Room, and it would cause your last remaining brain cells to commit hara - kiri to even entertain the thought that you aren't The Best In The World."
"Which would explain why it is that you're treating this match as if it's a completely new experience, that you're talking to me and to the rest of the world as if we didn't already dance this dance."
The Black Knight, you're not.
Impulse beat you. No he didn't. Yes he did.
'Tis but a flesh wound.
"I just wonder, when I walk into Black Dawn with the Empire's Intercontinental Championship and walk out of that cage at the end of the night with my belt still around my waist, what's your excuse gonna be? Were you out all night partying with Cruise to celebrate his obviously inevitable victory that he totally didn't blow the opportunity for before? Were you up for five days banging hookers two at a time? Were you sick with the clap and had a temperature of a hundred and fifteen but still managed to nearly get the job done?"
"I think you'll move on to whoever it is you think you're better than next, and never even acknowledge that you wrestled for the belt."
"Because you've said a lotta words so far, Jared... but you haven't brought up the only thing - so far - that's relevant."
"Impulse is undefeated against Jared Wells in singles competition."
"And there is nothing you'll be able to do against me to change that."
END
No scenery. No extras. No frills. No mercy.
Go.
"What do you do, Jared?"
"Let me guess."
"Gym. Shower. Bar. Back alley vomit party. Take home some orange tramp with a duckface and regret the last five shots of whiskey but save yourself another trip to the free clinic. Wash, rinse, repeat."
"You could probably get a lotta extra face time in the social scene with people who clearly aren't hanging out with you just because there's TV cameras around if you just taped one piece and hit 'replay' every time your opponent - me, in this case - spoke."
It'd be much more time - constructive for you to do that, since all you do is say the same thing, over and over.
"You're better than me. You're going to win the Intercontinental Title because you want to."
...
"This is your second try, Jared. Did you not want to win last time? Was all your puffed - up bravado a show to lull me into a false sense of security over how overmatched you were and totally not overcompensating for your lack of ability to win on the big stage?"
"I don't expect you to admit it, because your entire facade is being The Ultimate Party Host and The Loudest Man In the Room, and it would cause your last remaining brain cells to commit hara - kiri to even entertain the thought that you aren't The Best In The World."
"Which would explain why it is that you're treating this match as if it's a completely new experience, that you're talking to me and to the rest of the world as if we didn't already dance this dance."
The Black Knight, you're not.
Impulse beat you. No he didn't. Yes he did.
'Tis but a flesh wound.
"I just wonder, when I walk into Black Dawn with the Empire's Intercontinental Championship and walk out of that cage at the end of the night with my belt still around my waist, what's your excuse gonna be? Were you out all night partying with Cruise to celebrate his obviously inevitable victory that he totally didn't blow the opportunity for before? Were you up for five days banging hookers two at a time? Were you sick with the clap and had a temperature of a hundred and fifteen but still managed to nearly get the job done?"
"I think you'll move on to whoever it is you think you're better than next, and never even acknowledge that you wrestled for the belt."
"Because you've said a lotta words so far, Jared... but you haven't brought up the only thing - so far - that's relevant."
"Impulse is undefeated against Jared Wells in singles competition."
"And there is nothing you'll be able to do against me to change that."
END