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Black Dawn 2008: Houston, Texas - 4/21/08

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DBrunkGXW

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Black Dawn 2008

[ EARLIER IN THE EVENING...
At Reliant Stadium, the wrestlers have their own side entrance, in a secure area away from the throngs of fans clambering to touch their favorite superstar, get an autograph, a picture, or even to heckle and mock them. Regardless of privacy, this entrance is still manned by two security personnel at all times to ensure the safety and peace of mind of the competing superstars.

On this day, that side entrance is manned by Frank and Edward, two long-time employees of Empire Pro Wrestling, and usually draw this duty on pay-per-view days. They're good at what they do - stationed inside due to the security of the area, monitoring the hallway leading up to the doorway, and the outside through the large door windows, so that they can step outside and stop any unneeded activity. Frank and Edward both see two unfamiliar men walking up the hallway towards them, and they go on the alert, but then relax a little when they finally realize that the men are wearing the same uniforms as they.
The two new men approach Frank and Edward, and introduce themselves as Jeff and Andrew. ]

Jeff: Frank, Edward... good to meet you.

Frank: You guys are new, aren't you?

Andrew: Sure are. First night tonight.

Edward: And you're here because...?

Andrew: It's time for you guys to move on up. We're taking over here. Scott and David up in the guest boxes called in sick, so you two get to move up to cover them there. We were sent to relieve you two.

Frank: Oh, the guest boxes. Cool. We'll get to scope out all the hot chicks. Alright, thanks guys. Do us proud.

Jeff: Will do. Get on out of here - we've got you covered.

[ Frank and Edward head off to their new posh post, and Jeff and Andrew share a small smirk as they take their places on either side of the door. ]
 

DBrunkGXW

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Crazy Anonymous Driver

[FADE into a shot of the performers’ parking lot at Reliant Stadium, centered on two adjacent parking spaces. The shot is quiet for about a minute before a 2008 Cadillac Escalade pulls up. It stops and then backs into the parking space. After a few moments, the headlights go off, and a few moments after that, both driver and passenger side open. From the SUV emerge Beast and his main squeeze Jessica. They grab their bags out of the back and head towards the performers’ entrance, with Beast momentarily reaching back to remote-lock the car.

A minute later, a Rolls-Royce pulls up into the parking lot, major tint on the windows. The car quickly pulls into the spot next to the Escalade and just as quickly shuts off the engine. The driver’s side door flies open, and the driver, dressed sloppily in a suit and a chauffeur’s hat and looking like a dead ringer for Topher Grace or DJ Qualls, flies out of the car and rushes to the rear passenger’s side seat. He opens the door and out steps the owner of EPW and A1E, Dan Ryan. Ryan brushes himself off and stares down the young chauffeur.]

RYAN: How long did you say you’ve been doing this?

DRIVER: Eight years, I swear!

RYAN: Bullsh*t.

[Ryan slaps the driver a fifty.]

RYAN: You’re lucky you’re getting this much. Next time, try not making those turns like your name’s Starsky.

[The owner walks off towards the entrance as the driver looks vacantly off in the same direction. Ryan walks into the building and the driver is shaken by a loud PSSST! He rushes over to the shadows.]

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Hey, you, good job getting him in that parking spot.

DRIVER: Thanks.

MV: Did you drive like a mental home fugitive like I asked?

DRIVER: Like Lindsay Lohan in Manhattan.

MV: Excellent. Here...

[A hand comes out of the shadows, handing the driver a nice wad of cash.]

MV: Take that, and hit up a good restaurant. You earned it. And if you head over to Pappasito’s Cantina, bring me back some of those fajitas.

DRIVER: You got it, Mr. Anonymous.

[From out of the shadows comes the lucha-masked face of Jericoholic Anonymous.]

JA: I told you, don’t use my real name... ah whatever, I’m already on camera. Anyway, go forth, have a good time, and remember, vote Anonymous in Oh-Eight.

DRIVER: What office are you running for?

[JA turns to face the camera with a saucy look in his eyes.]

JA: ...I’m not!

[X-TREEM CLOSEUP of JA’s face replete with ominous music.]
 

DBrunkGXW

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Intro - Olvir vs. Dahaka vs. Scott

[SFX: BOOM!! As pyro erupts all over Reliant Stadium. The roof is open under a beautiful night sky, 72 degrees and all is….awesome. Cut to Dave Thomas, Mike Neely and Dean Matthews at ringside.]

DT: Hello everybody and welcome to one of THE premier events on the professional wrestling calendar….Empire Pro Wrestling’s BLACK DAWN 2008!! I’m Dave Thomas and with me as always are Dean Matthews and Mike Neely…and we are live and SOLD OUT with 70,000 screaming fans here in Houston, Texas!!

MN: Home of the boss!!

DM: I believe Bruce Springsteen is from New Jersey.

MN: Does Bruce Springsteen sign your paycheck??

DM: I wish.

DT: We’ve got a hell of a night ahead. Every title is on the line, particularly in our main event…. (A graphic comes up showing Rocko Daymon and Sean Stevens, wearing the EPW World Title belt, standing side by side) ….where Rocko Daymon finally gets his shot at the World Title currently held by “Triple X” Sean Stevens.

DM: It’s been a long time comin’, Dave – and I think this one will be well worth it.

DT: Let’s get things going right away and take it up to Tony Fatora for the first match of the evening, a 3-way dance between Olvir Arsvinnar, Nakita Dahaka and Frankie Scott, aka The American Idol.

DM: Scott made a statement to all of EPW this past week, telling almost everyone on the roster to kiss his ass. He’s on his own now. No more allegiances. You better not call him Phenomenal anymore.

TF: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!

Introducing first…

[CUE UP: “Phenomenon” by Thousand Foot Krutch hits the sounds speakers as The American Idol, Frankie Scott steps out from behind the curtain to almost unanimous cheers. He slaps hands as he walks down the ramp and climbs into the ring.]

TF: From Atlanta, Georgia, standing six foot two and weighing in at two hundred forty two pounds, the one and only American Idol, FRRRRAANKIEEEE SSSSSSCOTTTTTTT!

MN: HA HA HA, the one and only American Idol, except for the nine other ones we see on TV every year!

[The music stops, and Scott watches as the lights in the arena go out. Suddenly red lighting hits every corner of the arena and black lights shine over the stage entrance. “Gently” by Slipknot hits and Nikita’s video lights up on screen. Thick fog covers the ramp as a ring of fire comes up on stage. Nikita rises up from the stage, cracking her knuckles. Nakita walks down the ramp to a chorus of boos, but she ignores them, stepping between the ropes. She takes a knee in the center of the ring as the spotlight hovers over her frame. The lights come back on as her theme song fades out.]

MN: Damn, she’s STILL CREEPY to me after all this time.

DM: Creepy or scary? Face it, she frightens the hell out of you.

MN: No!

DM: HA HA! Yeah right…

TF: Hailing from Phoenix, Arizona. Standing six foot four inches tall and weighing in at one hundred eighty five pounds… The Dark Phenom, NNNNIKITAAAA DAAAAAHAKAAAA!!!

DT: These two have some history, but they steer clear of each other and go to their separate turnbuckles as they wait for their next opponent.

[CUE UP: “I Am A Viking” by Yngwie Malmsteen’s Rising Force hits the speakers as the fans go CRAZY! The pornographic Viking steps though the curtains with his battle axe and mead horn in each hand. The crowd cheers some more as he pumps them up with a hearty roar. He steps on the apron and downs a mouthful of mead, then spits it up in the air. He steps through the ropes, towering over his opponents.]

MN: How exactly do you dominate a butt anyway?

DM: With LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of baby oil.

TF: And finally, from Las Vegas Nevada, standing six foot seven inches and weighing in at three hundred seventeen pounds… The BUTT DOMINATOR, The Greatness That Is OOOOLLLLVIRRRRRR AARSSSSSVINARRRRR!!!!

[SFX: Bell rings]

DT: And right away both Scott and Arsvinnar approach Dahaka and attack with rights and stomps to the legs. She is pummeled as she falls to her rear.

MN: Rear? What, are you ten?

DM: Both these men have beef with Dahaka, and she’s being DOMINATED until she falls to her BUTT.

DT: Scott pushes Olvir aside as he holds the ropes and stomps Nikita relentlessly. Olvir takes offense and grabs AI by the neck. The pornographic Viking pulls Scott into his chest and tosses him halfway across the ring.

MN: WHOA!

DM: There is a well of strength teeming with the Viking that seems to flow forever.

DT: Scott flips over his back and ends up on his knees. He looks like Olvir just slapped him at a cocktail party. As Olvir approaches Scott dishes out a low blow and Olvir falls to his side holding his groin.

MN: WHEW! I don’t think we’re going to be seeing a thousand more bastards after that.

DT: Scott picks up Arsvinnar by his blonde hair and bounces off the ropes. He lands a Flying Clothesline, but Arsvinnar doesn’t budge an inch. He stares down at Scott, who looks back in shock. Olvir roars as he lands The Mjolnir-blow. The fans go nuts and roar right back. Olvir goes for the One Foot Pin…

1!

DM: Please! Frankie might have some ring rust, but there’s no way in hell a technician like him is going to be defeated by a foot to the chest.

DT: Dahaka, waiting in the wings, sees her chance to strike and dropkicks the giant Olvir in the back. He stumbles forward and is met with a Tilt-A-Whirl DDT from The American Idol. Olvir the Lengthy hits the mat HARD and head-first.

MN: YOU DID NOT just call him Olvir the Lengthy!

DT: It’s right here on the alias list Neely. I’m just doing my job.

MN: Right, right. Do you see the female BUTT DOMINATOR on that sheet anywhere? I’m a little worried about you Dave. That sounds like a pet name.

DM: Neely, if you’re done reliving the dream you had last night through Dave, let’s get back to the match.

MN: I’m just saying!

DT: Nikita and Frankie are stomping Olvir while he tries to get up. Scott knees Arsvinnar in the face as Olvir clutches his blonde beard in pain. The fans are booing as the fan favorite gets pounded.

MN: Good teamwork here. These two may not like each other, but when you’re in the ring with a humongous pornographic Viking- you gotta look out for your own ass.

DM: No pun intended, right Neely?

MN: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

DT: Frankie chokes Olvir as Dahaka climbs the turnbuckle. Scott moves to Olvir’s legs and holds him down. Dahaka executes a picture-perfect Moonsault as Scott pumps his fist watching Arsvinnar squirm. He doesn’t see Dahaka try for a pin.

1!

2!

Scott hears the pounding of the mat from the referee and stomps Dahaka in the head just in time to stop the pin. He grabs her by the long hair as she cringes.

DM: Should’ve seen that coming. Then again, this is a woman who breaks bottles over her head and runs head-first into walls.

DT: The fans cheer as Scott executes a Double Underhook Neckbreaker on Dahaka. He grabs her by the legs and applies a Texas Cloverleaf. As he turns the submission maneuver over, he’s comes face-to-foot with Olvir’s giant boot.

MN: Well that’s one way to break a submission hold. Olvir’s likely to get a thank you note from Scott’s dentist after that boot to the face.

DT: Dahaka is still in pain as Olvir picks her up and holds her over his head like a title belt. He roars and the crowd roars back in approval. He tosses Dahaka out of the ring and onto the… OH SH*T!

[Dahaka lands on the announcer’s table as the three announcer’s scatter. Dave Thomas picks up his headphones from the ground.]

DT: Olvir just tossed Dahaka from the ring onto the announcer’s table! What strength!

MN: Dean, push her off so I can sit down!

DM: Scared Neely?!

MN: No Damnit!

DT: In the ring Scott just rolled up Arsvinnar, but the referee is checking on Nakita. He sees the pin and rolls into the ring…

1!

2!

Kickout! The American Idol jumps up like a bat out of hell screaming at the referee. Spit is flying everywhere as Scott points his finger, almost poking the ref in the eye.

DM: And that should’ve been it. You just can’t find good officials these days. Not in basketball. Not in pro wrestling.

DT: Olvir takes this opportunity to pummel Scott with rights to the head. He executes a Spinebuster on the smaller Frankie Scott, and beats his chest as he roars. The fans cheer their approval and watch as Olvir delivers his BIG powerbomb! Here’s the pin…

1!

2!

MN: Dahaka with the save!

DT: Thanks Mikey. I’ll handle it from here… Dahaka saves Scott with a springboard frog splash from the apron. Very impressive. Nakita bounces off the ropes as Olvir wobbles to his feet. She spears the giant Viking, but he doesn’t fall. He stumbles backward and Scott executes a Russian Leg Sweep on Arsvinnar. Scott smartly realizes there’s no opportunity for a pin, and attacks Nakita. After several rights, Nakita counters with a knee lift that sends Scott to the mat.

MN: Didn’t see that coming! Get him Nakita!

Nakita waits as Scott stumbles to his feet. She signals to the crowd and they boo loudly. Nakita sizes up Scott as he turns around and Dahaka nails The Running Gun! Scott hits the mat hard!

MN: YES!!!

DM: Dammit, she has him now!

DT: Nikita quickly covers the American Idol and the ref is on top of it this time!

1…

2…

ARSVINNAR WITH THE BREAKUP! He pulls Nikita up by the hair and stares coldly into her eyes. With his left hand holding her hair, his right clenches Dahaka’s neck. He wastes no time choke slamming her to the mat. Dahaka bounces hard off the mat. Scott is up not and runs at Olvir, but he is met with the same fate.. choke slam and a big one. Olvir kicks Scott out of the ring as he picks up Nikita.

DM: Here it comes!

DT: With time of the essence, Olvir executes his patented Berzerker Bomb with authority on the masochistic Dark Phenom. Olvir doesn’t fool around this time, with a textbook cover…

1!

2!

3!!!

And finally Ovlir Arsvinnar gets a pinfall victory over The Dark Phenom Nikita Dahaka as The American Idol, Frankie Scott is left scratching his head.

TF: YOUR WINNER, THE PORNOGRAPHIC VIKING, OLLLVIRRRRR ARSSSVINNNARRRRR!!!!

DM: Impressive win here by Olvir, who seemed to have the edge through the whole. He showed all of EPW there’s no substitute for raw power.
 

DBrunkGXW

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Logistics, Part One

[ EARLIER IN THE EVENING...

Thomas Ploquin is the head of the EPW on-site staff. Running around in his white dress shirt, suspenders, and dark slacks, Thomas always sports a wireless headset, and invariably has a clipboard in one hand and a coffee in the other.

Thomas is responsible for all the back stage crew that work to put on a show the size and complexity of a wrestling PPV like Black Dawn. Plagued by thinning hair and a constant appetite of TUMS, to say Thomas' job is stressful might be an understatement. And tonight, not everything is going right. There's been security personnel calling in sick, and the radios haven't always been reliable. Thomas is actually giving his a shake as a crew member runs up to Thomas. ]

Thomas: F*cking radio. What's the word, Murray?

Murray: Word is Beast needs a couple guys to take care of some sh*t in his locker room. Got a couple to spare?

[ From behind the two men, two crew members appear. ]

2CM: We're done with the EmpireTron, boss. Got anything for us?

Thomas: Beast, huh?

[ Thomas looks at the two crew members. ]

Thomas: Send these two new guys. Let Beast harrass them instead of the regular crew. They can pay their dues. Go on! What are you waiting for?

[ The two crew members nod and take off in the direction of Beast's locker room. ]
 

DBrunkGXW

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SB vs. Beast

DT: Well folks, that was a hot match to open up Black Dawn!

MN: Yeah, cause nothin' says fantastic like a gigantic Viking storming around your arena and looking to pillage everything in sight.

DM: Hey, I like Olsvir. He's hilarious and fun to watch. What don't you like about him?

MN: If I had to take the time to explain it to your little mind, we'd be here until Christmas.

DT: We're going to move from one hot match to another one that promises to be as high-energy, as Beast and Simply Beautiful have promised to tear the house down.

MN: Pffft.

DM: What's up, Neels?

MN: We all know that SB is just all show. And Beast? He can't wrestle his way out of a wet paper bag. The only way THESE two are going to tear the house down is with a couple of wrecking balls.

DT: Your time in A1E has made you absolutely catty.

MN: Trust me, you'd be the same way if you'd had to endure what I've gone through.

DM: That bad, huh?

MN: Oh, the unprecendented levels of "rah-rah-rah" and "we've all been betrayed".... I can't take it any more. It makes me want to splatter my brains all over the first few rows.

DT: Well, just sit back and relax. Let's get on with the match!

CUT TO: The center of the ring, with Tony Fatora.

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!! When the bell rings, the man in charge of the action will be Andrew Gardell! Introducing first...

The frantic opening to Queen's "Stone Cold Crazy" hits and the self-proclaimed Sexiest Man on Earth steps out, fired up and ready to fight.

TF: Hailing from Staten Island, New York... he stands six feet, one inch tall, and weighs in at 235 pounds.... he is... SIMPLYYYYYYYYYYYYY BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Pyro explodes around him as he raises in arms. Freddy Mercury's voice kicks in and SB sprints down to the ring, glad handing everybody reaching out and trying to get a hand on him. He dives headfirst facing up into the ring, and then kips-up. He sings along with Mercury "STONE COLD CRAZY YO!" and fist pumps as pyro shoots up from the ringposts he's facing.

MN: Simply Boring. Ugh.

TF: And, his opponent...

The opening guitar harmonics of Saliva's "Ladies and Gentlemen" ring througout the arena as fog drifts across the stage.

TF: Making his home in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada... standing six feet, six inches tall and weighing in at 285 pounds... he is.... BEEEEEEEEEEAST!!!

Then, as the entire band punches in, a huge red and white pyro explosion goes off at center stage. Beast then steps through the fog and smoke and stands at center stage for a few moments, looking out at the crowd and hearing a gigantic mixed reaction. He then proceeds to the ring amidst a flurry of moving red and white spotlights, before climbing into the ring and playing to the crowd with the Bret Hart strut.

DT: This may be stating the obvious, but neither one of these guys are in the favor of Dan Ryan. Simply Beautiful was stripped of a title shot at this very show because he's been a vocal supporter of A1E throughout this whole bitter rivarly between A1E and EPW, and well, with Beast, now going by his real name, Marcus Westcott in A1E, I don't think we need to go any further. These two have been at each others' throats since Beast's day ONE in EPW, and now, four years later, it's all come to a head! But tonight, it's all about two guys from A1E trying to stand up and tear the house down, giving it one last hurrah before their lives and careers change and show that they can do it just as well as anyone!

MN: I'm about to puke bad enough as it is - you don't have to make it any worse!

[ SFX: DING! DING! ]

DT: In the ring now, Gardell has called for the bell, and Beast and SB move to the center of the ring and shake hands, before starting to circle each other around the ring. Beast, as expected, powers SB back into the corner, where Gardell asks for a clean break, and he gets it.

MN: Figures.

DT: Once again, we've got circling around the ring, and once again we've got a lock up. This time Beast turns things into a headlock and snaps SB down to the canvas, holding on to that headlock, yet SB manages to quickly counter with a head scissors, and Beast kicks out of it! Both men back up to their feet now, and another lock up turns into a second head lock for Beast, and again, he snaps SB down to the canvas! Once again, SB counters with a head scissors, and Beast kicks out again! Both men get back up to their feet now! Beast charges in, and SB takes him over with an arm drag! Both men up, and Beast charges again! Another arm drag by SB! Beast is up! SB is up! Here comes Beast! A third arm drag by SB, and this time, he holds on with a seated arm bar!

MN: *YAWN!*

DT: These two men bringing something a little different here tonight that what we're used to. Beast is looking to find a way out of this! He's up to one knee, trying to get that other leg underneath him to get to his feet... and he makes it! Beast reaches over and grabs SB's arm and REVERSES his way out of the hold, and now he's got it applied to SB! And he's wrenching on that shoulder for good measure! Beast TWISTS that arm around a SECOND time, and you can hear SB yelling out in pain as he's getting that shoulder yanked around!

MN: Maybe Beast'll tear it right off and beat him with it! That way there'd at least be something exciting going on in this match!

DT: SB's desperately looking for a way out of this one, guys! His face is wracked with pain, and who knows how long that arm with hold out! He ducks and rolls! There's a twist on the ground, and he nips back up - without using his hand! He nails Beast with a boot to the gut, and then wraps his leg over Beast's arm, and FLIPS over backward! Landing on his feet, he grabs Beast's arm and wrenches it around again! Now it's Beast yelling out in pain as his arm is wrenched around! What do you think of this so far, Dean?

MN: Well we're just getting going, but after a few minutes, these guys are going hold for hold here, but I think that sooner or later, either SB's speed and technique, or Beast's power are going to come out on top!

[ SB stomps in the ring as he YANKS on Beast's arm! ]

DT: SB looks like he's bounds and determined to seperate that limb from Beast's body! Beast is in all kinds of trouble here! He's down on one knee, and this HAS to be killing him!

[ But Beast manages to fight back to his feet, and YANKS SB in! ]

DT: OOOOH MY!! Beast just SHORT ARMED SB and damned near TOOK HIS HEAD OFF with that clothesline! What a shot from the former World Champion!

DM: That was just great work by SB to contain Beast's arm and cut off half of his power! When it comes time later on in the match for a strength move, Beast may just not have it due to this work by SB here!

[ On the canvas, SB shakes his head out trying to get rid of some of the cobwebs, while Beast is walking around, trying to shake some feeling back into his arm and shoulder. ]

DT: Both men feeling the effects of their early assaults, and while not physically pounding, those holds sure do take their toll! Beast now pulls SB to his feet, and TOSSES him over with an underhook suplex! A big power move from Beast, and if he keeps this going, the big man can easily pound SB into the canvas! He pulls SB up to his feet, and DROPS him with a heavy side suplex!

DM: SB has GOT to do something, or else he's going to be in trouble. Look for Beast to start going to the head and neck to start heading towards a finish with the Absolution.

[ And just as Dean professes, Beast hauls SB back up to his feet and hits a couple right forearms before grabbing him around the waist and hitting a GREAT release German suplex! ]

DT: Beast just FIRING SB over with that maneuver! And now he's going for a pin!

ONE!

TWO!

DT: Big kickout from Simply Beautiful! He's not ready to be beaten yet! But Beast hauls him up again, and HOISTS him high over his head into a gorilla press position! And DOWN comes SB-wait! SB grabs Beast's arm and takes him down into an arm drag, and SB HOLDS ON for a Jujigatame!! This match could be over right here!

[ Beast is yelling out in pain as SB applies the hold! Gardell moves in to check on Beast and see if he will submit, but Beast refuses and manages to reach out and grab the bottom rope! ]

DM: That's just brilliant right there, guys! SB went BACK to the arm and it almost got him the match! He's got a shot if he keeps attacking Beast's arm like that!

DT: Gardell gets a clean break, but SB YANKS Beast off the ropes and hits a leg drop across Beast's arm! And now he's pinning Beast's arm to the mat, and he goes into a handstand.... and DOWN with those knees across Beast's arm! A SECOND time, SB drives those knees into Beast's arm and shoulder!

MN: Loafy will be lucky if he can lift a cup of coffee in the morning!

DT: And here goes SB to the ropes... springboard off the second rope... and there's a BIG elbow into Beast's shoulder! SB is staying right on the attack as he pulls Beast up to his feet, takes hold of that worked over arm, and races to the ropes... LEAPS over the top rope and to the floor, HANGING Beast's shoulder over the top rope! Beast bounces back into the ring and hits the canvas, and SB quickly leaps back up to the ring apron, and to the top rope! He's waiting there for Beast to get up,. and as Beast fights his way to his feet, SB leaps.... OH MY!!!! MISSILE DROPKICK right into that beaten shoulder! And he scrambles over for a cover, forcing down that weakened arm!

ONE!

TWO!

DT: NO!! Beast gets the other shoulder up!

MN: Stay down so we can move on, already.

DT: SB continues to work Beast over, as he pulls Beast up to his feet, hooks the arm, and DRIVES Beast into the canvas with an arm bar DDT! There's another cover!

ONE!

TWO!

DT: NO!! Again, Beast kicks out! SB pulls Beast up to his feet, and comes at him with a clothesline, but Beast manages to duck that! He catches SB and tries to take him over with a crucifix pin, but with that sore arm, SB spins out of it and boots Beast in the guts... there's a hammer lock.... AND INTO A GERMAN SUPLEX!!! WOW!! He just POWERED Beast over! SB goes for another pin!

ONE!

TWO!

DT: KICKOUT at two and a half, and Beast isn't out of this one yet! SB hauls him up to his feet, and FIRES him into the corner! Here comes SB! SPLA-NO!! BEAST GOT THE BOOT UP!!

MN: And some lucky kid has a free date with the tooth fairy!

DT: And Beast comes ROARING out of the corner with a clothesline that turns SB inside out! SB gets to his feet and Beast boots him back into the corner, before winding up and CHOPPING SB across the chest!

Crowd: WHOOOOOO!!!

DT: A second chop!

Crowd: WHOOOOOO!!!

DT: HIP TOSS out of the corner, and Beast is doing the best he can with one arm right now! He drops an elbow on SB right across the chest! He pulls SB up - scoop slam, and that one hurt! Beast turns to hit the ropes, and he rebounds, looking for a Stone Cold-like elbow, but SB rolls out of the way and Beast eats canvas! SB is quickly up, and he hits a low running dropkick right into Beast's face! Cover!

ONE!

TWO!

DT: Beast kicks out! What a shot by SB!! He pulls Beast up, and lands a forearm, and he whips Beast to the ropes! Beast rebounds and ducks under a spinning heel kick, hits the far ropes.... GORE!! GORE!! Beast just nailed SB with the GORE!!

DM: But he hit him with the bad shoulder, Dave! Beast is down too, and he's clutching that shoulder! I wonder if he even got all of that shot!

DT: And here comes Gardell to check on both men, and seeing both of them down and not responding to him, he starts making his count!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

FIVE!

SIX!

SEVEN!

EIGHT!!

MN: Good grief!

DT: SB is up!! The count is broken, and he sees Beast still down on the canvas! SB heads for the top rope...NEW YORK NIGHTMARE!!! OH MY GOD HE NAILED BEAST WITH IT!! And he makes a cover!

ONE!!

DT: BUT ERIK BLACK OF CHRONIC COLLIZION JUST PULLED SB OUT OF THE RING!! AND HERE GOES IVAN INSIDE, AND HE SPLASHES BEAST!!!

[ SFX: DING! DING!! ]

DT: That's it! Gardell's called this one, and Erik Black and SB are chucking knuckles on the outside!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, as a result of outside interference, the official has ruled this match a NO CONTEST!!

DT: Beast is down on the inside and now Ivan’s comin’ outside to where Erik Black and SB are going at it!! Black and SB exchanging rights….here’s Ivan from behind!!!

[SFX: CRASH!!! And an OOOH from the crowd]

DT: My God!! Ivan slapped a full nelson on SB and Erik Black superkicked him right in the jaw!!!

DM: With nowhere for his head to go, he took the full brunt of that kick and SB is knocked clean out I think!!

DT: Erik Black and Ivan Dalkichev are backing off, seemingly happy with themselves but they ruined a perfectly good matchup out here and the fans are really givin’ it to ‘em!!

[LOUD boos.]

MN: Something tells me they don’t care.

DT: I’d say that’s a safe bet for sure. Well we’ve got medical personnel coming down to the ring, but we’re gonna take a break while they tend to these guys.
 

DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
Joined
Sep 11, 1997
Messages
4,814
Points
36
Age
46
Location
Katy, TX
Cougar Pride

[FADE into JA’s locker room, the Anglo Luchador, Lollipop and another lucha-masked individual in a three piece suit, carrying a briefcase, facing a throng of people dressed in college band gear, carrying various musical instruments. Into the locker room walks a very bewildered Kenny Lombardo, replete with his EPW microphone.]

KL: Err, am I interrupting something?

JA: You sure are Kenny, but that’s alright, I see you’ve got a microphone, but where are your two turntables?

[The band laughs... they’re obviously Beck fans.]

KL: Uh, err, umm, well...

JA: Ah, lighten up.

KL: You’re not going to give me another wedgie, are you?

JA: What did I tell you, Kenny. Ixnay on the edgieway alktay on the airay, okayay?

KL: Yeah... anyway, I am here to get the scoop from you tonight. Now, you’re not booked on the card, and the buzz around the locker room is that it’s because you’ve got something big planned tonight to use the money that Dan Ryan has given you to stay on the EPW side of things.

JA: Oh yeah, it’s gonna be HYOOOOGE! And when I say HYOOOOGE, I mean ginormous, Kenster.

KL: Well, can you give me a primer on what we should expect to see?

JA: I could, but it would ruin the surprise...

LUCHA GUY IN SUIT: But I assure you that everything my client is doing tonight is legal and in line with all zoning codes and laws here in Harris County.

KL: ...and you are?

JA: Oh, that’s just my cousin and legal counsel, Rotundaholic Anonymous.

[RA extends his hand.]

RA: Nice to meet you, Mr. Lombardo, I represent the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham, Howe and Anonymous.

KL: Somehow, I’m not surprised.

JA: Anyway, everything I’m doing is on the level, and it’s gonna be a big surprise.

KL: Does this marching band have anything to do with it?

JA: I said, Kenny, it’s a SURPRISE! What part of that do you not understand? For all you know, the University of Houston marching band is here because they’re my invited guests, seeing they played their tunes on the same college field as the future quarterback of my beloved Philadelphia Eagles.

[A very quarterback-esque figure hops on screen.]

QB: That’s me, Kevin Kolb!

JA: HEY! SHOO! SHOO! Alright, who let Kolb out of his cage?

[Lombardo looks at JA shocked.]

JA: Oh, I keed, I keed. Me and Kev go back a little ways. We met in at the annual “He-Man McNabb Hater’s Club,” ain’t that right, Kev?

KK: Ixnay on the IcNabbMay atehay on the airay, okayay?

JA: Oops, sorry about that. Anyway, I think I’ve said too much. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got coordinatin’ to do.

KL: But, but...

JA: That means vamoose, Kenny. Scram. Get the hell outta here. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.

KL: ...fine.

[Lombardo leaves and the door to the locker room slams behind him.]
 

DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
Joined
Sep 11, 1997
Messages
4,814
Points
36
Age
46
Location
Katy, TX
TV Title Match: Irish (c) vs. Hart vs. Cruise vs. Fusenshoff

[“A Little Less Conversation” by Elvis Presley hits the PA. To a moderately mixed reaction from the audience, FUSENSHOFF appears from the entrance and makes his way to the ring.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a FOUR CORNERS MATCH for the EPW TELEVISION TITLE!! Introducing first… from Kamloops, British Columbia…

MN: Hee hee, “Kamloops”…

TF: …weighing in at 263 pounds… HERE IS… FUUUUSSSEEEENNNSSSHOOOFFF!!!

DT: Well ladies and gentlemen, this monumental evening continues as we move into the TELEVISION TITLE contest of the evening featuring FOUR very determined superstars! Coming to the ring now is a man who has only been with Empire Pro for a short time, but has already proven himself as a DOMINANT force in the ring!

MN: That’s probably why his finisher’s called “The Domination.” Still, I just call him the guy that ALMOST BEAT the Boss.

DT: Regardless, Fusenshoff comes into this match with a LOT of momentum after a win over the following entrant…

[“Watching The Wheels” by John Lennon hits the PA, and SHAWN HART appears on the stage, posing for the fans as FELICIA steps out to join him. Together, they come down the ramp to the ring.]

TF: Introducing next… accompanied to the ring by his sister, Felicia Hart… hailing from Orlando, Florida and weighing in at 266 pounds… HERE IS “THE PHENOM” SHAAAAAAWWWNN JESSICA HAAAART, PEE-ACHE-DEE!!

DM: A dynamic entrance for the FORMER TV champ, who has been on a losing streak as of late.

MN: BAH!! He’s too AWESOME to considered having lost a match. That’s why he still qualifies to be in this championship match, even if his record hasn’t been up to par lately.

DT: Regardless of what his record’s been like, we’re seeing a very determined Shawn Hart come to the ring in this match. He seems to be full of life and energy, ready to take on this competition from the forefront and bring that title BACK around his waist!

[As Shawn Hart gets to the ring, “Headstrong” by Trapt hits the PA. To a big POP from the fans, CAMERON CRUISE makes his appearance with his wife MERCEDES, and he slaps hands with the fans as he comes to the ring.]

TF: Coming next to the ring… accompanied by his wife and manager, MERCEDES CRUISE… hailing from Jacksonville, North Carolina, and weighing in at 249 pounds… PLEASE WELCOME… CCAAAAAMMEEERROOOOONNN CCRRRUUUUIIISSSEE!!!

DT: The always dedicated CAMERON CRUISE makes his way to the ring next, vying for his chance to reclaim his former glory in the singles division of Empire Pro!

MN: Give me a break, Dave. This guy’s NOTHING with Melton carrying him through every match!!

DM: Cameron Cruise can be MAIN EVENT material when he wants to be. And tonight… he looks like he REALLY wants it!

[As the third competitor reaches the ring, “I’ll Drink To You” by Duke Jupiter hits the PA, and the crowd POPS to their feet screaming!! Erin Flanaghan is the first to appear on stage, posing for the audience before stepping to the side and making way for the TV champion JAMES IRISH, who comes out to a TREMENDOUS ovation and a display of pyrotechnics as he holds the EPW TV Title high into the air!]

TF: And finally… accompanied to the ring by his manager, ERIN FLANAGHAN… fighting out of Fredonia, New York… he weighs in at 245 pounds… he is the EMPIRE PRO TELEVISION CHAMPION… Here is…

JAAAAAAMMEEESSSS IIIIRRSIIIIISSSHHH!!

DT: Coming to the ring now is the MAN that unseated Shawn Hart at Russian Roulette! After tonight, his contract expires, which would make THIS MATCH his LAST in an Empire Pro ring!

MN: Good riddance! That A1E-lovin’ MORON can go back home with the other jobbers!

DM: Despite his alliance with Beast and the other A1E loyal, James Irish still gets a warm ovation from the fans, because love him or hate him, he KNOWS how to entertain!

MN: He’s an ass-clown… end of story.

DT: Will he suffer his demise tonight? Or will he leave Empire Pro a CHAMPION?!

[Irish leaves Erin on the outside as he enters the ring and hands the title off to the ref, who holds it up for the audience to see before handing it off to the time-keeper. Quickly, he makes his final checks, and when everything is in order, signals for the bell.]

SFX: *DING! DING!*

DT: The bell has sounded… and now the champion James Irish finds himself staring down three opponents, all of whom focused on him! Precarious position for Irish who now finds himself cornered!

DM: The man with the belt is always bound to have the larger target on his back… and Irish knows that all too well NOW, as all three men spring upon him and put the champion on the mat with a relentless barrage of fists coming in from three sides!!

MN: Great start for this punk. I guess that’s what he gets for pissing off the boss…

DT: Let’s not go there, Mike… Irish seated in the corner while all three men viciously stomp away at his chest… and Cruise and Hart, forming a quick unlikely alliance, turn on FUSENSHOFF, hitting him with a DOUBLE CHOP across the chest and leaving him reeling against the ropes! Here comes Fusenshoff for some payback… walking straight into a SCOOP SLAM from the former Tag Team Champion. Cruise is looking for an early lead.

DM: This team of Cruise and Hart have good control of the match so far… Cruise tapping Hart on the shoulder and pointing to Irish, coming to his feet in the corner, and now they have something in mind! Hart goes to the opposite corner and Cruise takes him by the arm… here’s the Irish Whip to the corner where James Irish just now gets to his feet—and the TV Champion DIVES out of the way as Hart connects with the turnbuckle!

DT: Here comes Cruise charging after the champ… NO!! Take down by a TACKLE from Fusenshoff as he gets to his feet… ‘Hoff gets the mount and begins LAYING into the face of Cameron Cruise, while a bruised James Irish takes the opportunity to get some vengeance on Hart while he lies in the corner!

DM: The action in the ring is splitting up, and with that, the referee has an even harder time keeping tabs on all four men. Look now as he tells Irish to get Hart out of the corner, clearly missing Cameron Cruise’s hand on the bottom rope on the other side of the ring while Fusenshoff still wails away on top of him.

MN: If you hate it so much, Dean, why don’t YOU go in there and do the job?

DM: Hey, I don’t call matches… I just criticize them.

DT: Back to the action… Irish brings Hart out of the ring and puts him on the mat with a side headlock takedown, keeping that arm wrapped around the head of the former Television Champion. Meanwhile, the referee finally intervenes on Fusenshoff and Cameron Cruise, causing Fuse to come to his feet and bring Cruise with him. Fusenshoff with a DDT!! Floats over for the pin…

One!

Two!

And a kickout by Cameron Cruise! Meanwhile, Irish released Hart from that headlock when he saw the cover being made. Remember, this match will be decided on the FIRST FALL. Irish can still lose his title and not even be pinned.

DM: Hart slips to the outside while Irish leaves him to nab Fusenshoff from behind… goes for a hammerlock—but ‘Hoff quickly reverses it! Fusenshoff, now, wrenches the arm of the Television Champion… but Irish bites back with an ELBOW to Fusenshoff’s face! There’s ANOTHER elbow… but Fusenshoff doesn’t let go of that arm!

DT: Cameron Cruise is coming back to his feet and sees Irish standing defenseless in front of him! Irish with a THIRD elbow… and FINALLY breaks free of Fusenshoff as Cameron Cruise comes in with a Standing Side Kick that nails HOFF right in the jaw!

MN: OOOooooohhh… well, at least he’s used to having pounding headaches…

DT: You’re no stranger either, I’m sure.

DM: Keep your eye on the ever-sneaky Shawn Hart as he slips around the ring, completely under the radar. Now, with Fusenshoff briefly stunned on the mat, its James Irish and Cameron Cruise in a collar-and-elbow tie-up in the middle of the ring. Cruise, with that penchant technical skill of his, slaps on a standing armbar!

MN: His work with Joey Melton has taken his level of talent to an entirely different level. It’s astonishing.

DM: Jeez, more Melton praise…

DT: Wait a second… Shawn Jessica Hart rolling back into the ring in the blind spot of Fusenshoff as he gets to his feet. Here comes Hart… with a BULLDOG on the unsuspecting Fusenshoff! And as quick as he came, Shawn Hart slips back to the outside!

DM: Guerrilla Warfare. Not a common tactic in this sport, but quite an effective one!

MN: STOP!! Guerrilla Radio! TURN THAT **** UP!!

DM: Shut up, Neely.

DT: The duo of Cruise and Hart continue to work well together, albeit separately. Back on the other side of the ring, as Cameron Cruise continues to work the arm and shoulder of the TV Champion James Irish, now switching over to an Arm Wrench! No wait… Cruise crossing Irish’s arm across the face—transitions BEAUTIFULLY into an innovated Russian Legsweep!

DM: Slick move on the part of Cameron Cruise, who hooks both legs for the pin!

DT: One!

…NO!! A two-count is DENIED as Shawn Hart promptly takes James Irish by the arm and drags him out of the ring!

MN: That Shawn Hart is equally slick, Dean-O.

DT: Hart has Irish where he wants him on the outside… Cruise, looking a little agitated in having his pin broken up, looks to see what the deal is—but he gets stopped with a FOREARM to the back from Fusenshoff!

DM: And while ‘Hoff continues to brawl with Cruise, Shawn Hart, outside the ring, kicks the TV Champion in the chest while he’s down! Now he gets to him to his feet… looking to those steel steps! Here’s Hart with the WHIP—

DT: And it’s REVERSED by Irish, and Hart COLLIDES WITH THE STEEL STEPS!! OH MAN, that looked painful! The champ has been having a tough night thus far, but with that move, he shows that he can still hang in there with these three determined challengers!

DM: Back in the ring as ‘Hoff DROPS Cameron Cruise with a snapmare, and goes for a headlock… and here’s Cruise trying to get to his feet… but Fusenshoff DROPS HIM with a Side-Headlock Takedown before he can do anything! Great control of the ring!

DT: And showing great control of the outside is the Television Champion JAMES IRISH, who takes Shawn Hart by the head and BLASTS his face across the apron! Irish rising to the apron now… as Fuse brings Cameron Cruise back to his feet and whips him TO THE ROPES—and Irish YANKS DOWN on the top rope before they collide, sending Cruise SPRAWLING OVER THE ROPES and RIGHT ON TOP OF the prone body of Shawn Hart!

MN: Now switch your partner, dos-ee-do!

DT: Quick thinking on the part of the champion… who catches Fusenshoff with a SHOULDER THRUST before the EPW up-and-comer could attack him on the apron! ‘Hoff doubles over… and now Irish takes him by that long black hair… walks him to the TURNBUCKLE, and now he’s going upstairs! What is going on in the head of James Irish?!

MN: Probably… “Why do people always get me confused with Irish Red??”

DM: I highly doubt that’s it, but whatever he’s thinking, it can’t be good for Fusenshoff! Here comes Irish off the TOP ROPE—RIGHT INTO A TORNADO DDT that just threw Fusenshoff through Corkscrew Hell!!

DT: INCREDIBLE MOVE from the champion, who comes back from a rocky start to DOMINATE the DOMINATOR!! Irish hooks the leg for a cover…

ONE!

TWO!

And Fusenshoff kicks out!!

DM: But the TV Champion keeps control, slapping on a Front-Facelock onto the challenger Fusenshoff! Back outside the ring, Cruise and Hart are finally getting to their feet… and go right into trading blows! So much for the ALLIANCE!! Here’s Cruise switching from jabs to chops, reddening up the chest of Shawn Hart as he lays him against the apron and turns his torso into HAMBURGER!!

MN: Now they’ll call him… El Hombre TENDERIZO!!

DT: Here’s James Irish with Fusenshoff, looking for a DDT—but Fuse says he’s had ENOUGH of getting dropped on his head, and sweeps the leg for a TAKEDOWN, putting James Irish onto his back and right in LINE for a series of heavy fists to the face from the brawler!!

DM: And while the fists fly in the ring, bodies collide on the outside, as Cameron Cruise drives his SHOULDER into the ribs of Shawn Hart while his back leans against the edge of the ring! What a SICKENING collision, and Hart just goes right to the floor, holding his sides as I’m sure every part of his upper body is just ACHING in pain right now!

DT: Cruise looking pumped after winning that exchange… here he comes back into the ring as Fusenshoff brings James Irish to his feet, putting him up for a SCOOP SLAM—NO!! IRISH drops down to his feet, and tucks ‘Hoff’s head right in position for a REVERSE DDT—!!

DM: NO WAIT!! Here comes Cruise up behind Irish, and tucks HIS head under his arm… and Cruise with the REVERSE DDT AS IRISH HITS ONE OF HIS OWN ON FUSENSHOFF!!

Crowd: “THAT-WAS-AWE-SOME!! *CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!*”

DT: WOW!! AMAZING double-play on the part of Cameron Cruise, who goes onto IRISH for the pin!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!! A kickout by James Irish, who proves his resilience!

MN: Yeah, you have no idea how “resilient” this guy can be. I’ve seen him go through some serious **** in A1E…

DM: You’re saying he can take a licking and keep on ticking?

MN: Well, sure… but he still sucks. SCREW YOU, IRISH!! EMPIRE PRO FOR-EV-UHHHH!!

DM: Sit down, Neels…

DT: Cruise back up… turning his attention away from the rising James Irish to check on the status of Shawn Hart. Cruise at the ropes—and Hart, as if he were WAITING for him, just hops up to the apron and CLOCKS HIM right across the jaw!!

DM: Cruise is gonna feel that one for a week… and as he stumbles away from Hart, walks right into an STO FROM JAMES IRISH!!

MN: Gonna feel THAT one for a MONTH…

DT: Meanwhile, Fusenshoff, finally getting to his feet… but Shawn Hart might have something to say about that as he runs to the nearest corner and begins to climb! Fusenshoff almost up… and turns around just as Hart comes off the top with a MISSILE DROPKICK that catches the unsuspecting brawler right in the CHEST and LAUNCHES HIM across the ring!!

DM: BAM… took that like a bullet to the chest! Man, it’s simply MIND-BLOWING how incredibly fast-paced this match has been!

DT: That’s what happens when you put four men in the ring and all of them want the same title.

MN: Ooh… Television Champion… big whoop.

DT: It may not mean much to YOU, Mike, but I think the lengths all four of these men are going to in order to achieve victory really shows you the PRESTIGE that surrounds this title! Fusenshoff is lying in one corner, looking in bad shape after taking that DEVASTATING dropkick from Hart. Meanwhile, “The Phenom” and James Irish find themselves as the only two standing men in the ring!

DM: Irish bounds forward—but Hart sees him coming, easily sidesteps and lifts him up with a TILT-A-WHILR—STRAIGHT INTO A TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER!!

DT: Here’s Shawn Hart with the cover…

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!! Broken up by Cameron Cruise, who GRABS Shawn Hart around the waist and YANKS him back to his feet!!

MN: Fight it, Shawn!! He’s trying to ASS RAPE YOU!!

DM: Ugh… are you ALWAYS thinking that when you’re watching this?

MN: You AREN’T?!

DT: Hart breaking free—and BLASTS CAMERON CRUISE WITH A HART ATTACK that just comes OUT OF NOWHERE!!

DM: OH MAN!! El Hombre Magnifico just WENT FOR IT, and it paid off!! Here’s James Irish, rubbing his cranium as he gets to his feet… and Shawn Hart NAILS HIM WITH A HART ATTACK, TOO!! “The Phenom” is on FIRE!!

MN: Damn right, he is…

DT: Hart and Fusenshoff are OUT of the picture… and here goes Shawn Hart with the COVER over the CHAMPION!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE—OH, NO NO NO!! IRISH KICKED OUT!!

MN: DAMN!! You see what I mean? He’s like a cockroach. We need to get that A1E scum OUT OF HERE…

DM: Shawn Hart TRIED to put him away, but James Irish just REFUSES to go down without a fight!

DT: Hart, however, perseveres, not losing sight of his goal! Now he brings James Irish up for a SECOND Hart Attack—but Irish SHOVES HIM OFF—and RIGHT into the arms of a rising FUSENSHOFF, who just BLASTS the former Television Champion with a BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX!!

MN: NOOOO!!

DM: An untimely turn of events for Shawn Hart, who was nearly tossed to the OUTSIDE from the force of that move! A steaming Fusenshoff is back on his feet and bearing down now on the still groggy James Irish, reeling after that Diamond Cutter he took only a minute ago!! Irish looking for a CLOTHESLINE—but ‘Hoff just BATS his arm out of the air, and LAUNCHES HIM with an EXPLODER SUPLEX!!

DT: Fusenshoff is just DESTROYING everything he sees in that ring! Hooks the leg for a pin on the champion…

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE—OH NO, IRISH just BARELY kicks out!!

DM: He won’t last much longer with the way Fusenshoff is manhandling him.

MN: Remember… COCKROACH.

DM: Fusenshoff yanking James Irish back to his feet now… here’s the standing head-scissor… lifts him up to his SHOULDERS… AND JUST OBLIVIATES JAMES IRISH WITH THE DOMINATION!!!

DT: Oh man, he SHOOK THE RING as he just SLAMMED James Irish’s head into the ring like EM-JAY dunking a BASKETBALL!! Fusenshoff is on the VERGE OF BECOMING THE TELEVISION CHAMPION, as he goes for the PIN…

ONE!!





TWO!!!





THREE—!!

DM: CRUISE BREAKS IT UP!! Oh man, he was a QUARTER OF A SECOND AWAY from winning this match!! Cruise just came in with that elbow across the back of Fushenshoff, and it was all he needed to keep this match going!

DT: The champion does NOT have to be pinned to walk away with this title, but for whatever reason, every man in that ring is giving in their all to pin the CHAMPION!!

MN: Waste of time! Somebody pin Cruise already! He’s the weaker link. Believe me, that’s why Melton isn’t the tag team champion anymore!

DT: …uh, Mike, wasn’t it MELTON that dropped the ball on the CCP??

MN: BLASPHEMY!!

DT: Whatever… back to the action in the ring, as Cameron Cruise pounds away on Fusehnshoff! Perhaps not a good idea to go toe to toe with a brawler who was just moments away from winning… and here’s FUSE fighting back!! There’s a couple SHOTS to the face of Cameron Cruise to leave him reeling!!

DM: Meanwhile, while these two go at it like Rocky and Apollo, we can see SHAWN HART finally managing to get to his feet in the corner! The champion remains OUT OF IT as he flops over onto his side and appears to COUGH UP BLOOD!!

DT: Irish is sacrificing SO MUCH in the ring tonight to keep his title! I may not agree what he’s fighting for, but I’ll be DAMNED if I don’t give him credit for being a tough son of a *****!! Back to the action as Cruise BALKS at an open-handed slap to the face from Fusenshoff… and comes back with a DROPKICK to the face of Fuse, that spins him around into Shawn Hart…

DM: And Hart BLASTS HIM in the face with a SUPERKICK that spins ‘Hoff right back into Cruise—

DT: And Cruise with the REALITY CHECK ON FUSE!!! Fuse just got BOUNCED AROUND in that ring like PINBALL, and suffered a REALITY CHECK that he JUST… DOESN’T… LIKE!!

MN: Oh hardy har, Dave. You should be giving “The Phenom” credit for setting that up like a MASTER…

DT: Here’s Cruise with the pin—but wait, over on the other side of the ring, James Irish hops to his feet and catches Shawn Hart with a ROLL-UP FROM BEHIND!! And the referee goes to IRISH!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!! A kickout from Shawn Hart, and Cameron Cruise is INFURIATED that the referee didn’t go to him for what very well could have been a definite THREE COUNT for the win and the TV Title!!

DM: Meanwhile, Shawn Hart tears up to his feet and yanks James Irish up with him! Hart just DUMPS Irish into the corner and boots him HARD in the mid-section! Here comes Cruise to his feet as “The Phenom” turns to face him… and Cruise, BURSTING to his feet, just BLASTS Shawn Hart in the face with a running KNEE LIFT!!

DT: Hart stumbling back… into the arms of the waiting JAMES IRISH!! The Television Champion lifts him up… brings him down with the AIR CHECK!! OH MAN, WHAT AN OSAKA STREET CUTTER THAT WAS!! “The Phenom” was nearly GUILLOTINED across the champion’s shoulder, who just EXPLODED to life at the last possible moment!!

MN: LA CUCA RACHAAAA~~~!!!!!!

DM: TREMENDOUS comeback from James Irish, who falls across Shawn Hart for the victory!!

DT: HERE WE GO…





ONE!!






TWO!!





NO!! Irish gets DRAGGED OFF by Cameron Cruise, who immediately tries to set him up into the CRUISE CONTROL—!!

But Irish MUSCLES out of it before he can sink it in!! Both men wrestling for control… and Irish NAILS Cruise with a blatant HEADBUTT that leaves the former Tag Team Champion reeling!

DM: Wrestling to their feet now as they struggle to lock each other into a front facelock… and Irish taking Cruise by the waist… lifting him up for an IMPLANT DDT—NO!! Cruise FIGHTS it and drops to his feet… and now CRUISE looking for his OWN IMPLANT DDT—and IRISH forces him back down!!

DT: A see-saw battle happening in the ring as both men vie to DDT the other into the mat!! Cruise, again, lifting up the champion for the IMPLANT DDT—

But IRISH drops to his feet… and now it’s the champ with a KNEE to the gut of Cameron Cruise! And a SECOND!! And Irish LIFTS HIM UP—and NAAAAILLLSS the DEE-DEE-TEE!!

DM: Cameron Cruise’s brains just shot into his feet!

MN: More like OUT HIS ASS!! MAN, I can’t believe Irish is going to WIN THIS!!

DT: James Irish rallying the CROWD behind him… and now he goes to the TURNBUCKLE!! Both Shawn Hart and Fusenshoff still lie dormant on the mat, and Cameron Cruise is LAID OUT in the middle of the ring!!

DM: Irish looking to FINISH this match! He’s going for the FUNK FORTY-NINE!!

DT: Here’s IRISH, looking for the WIN as he DIVES OFF THE TOP ROPE…

…NOOO!!!! CRUISE ROLLS TO THE SIDE!!

MN: HAHAHAHAHAHA!! OH MAN, THAT WAS AWESOME!!

DT: The Television Champion, JAMES IRISH, just suffered a HORRIBLE crash in the center of the ring as a result of an awkward landing from that Funk #49, thanks to the desperate act of Cameron Cruise!

DM: And now CRUISE is looking to capitalize, especially with the competition out of the picture!! Cruise pulling himself over to the prone body of Irish, and locking in the STF… he goes FOR IT!! HE’S GOT IT!! CRUISE CONTROL on JAMES IRISH in the center of the ring!!

DT: OH MAN, THIS COULD BE IT!! Cruise with that patented finisher locked in, and Irish has NOWHERE TO GO!! He HAS to top… but he’s FIGHTING IT!!

MN: Dang, doesn’t he ever GIVE UP?!

DM: Apparently not, Mike! Irish, DESPERATELY trying to get to the ropes, but Cameron Cruise keeps him pinned down! There’s nothing Irish can do! Cruise has him out-wrestled and is much stronger! Yet James Irish REFUSES to tap!!

MN: He’ll have to pass out eventually! I don’t care, I just want to see him LOSE!!

DT: Irish is still holding out, and time is passing away. Cruise needs to get him to tap NOW, because Shawn Hart is beginning to recover! Fusenshoff, standing once again in the corner, perhaps too tired to even MOVE at this point!!

DM: Wait a minute, Irish is REACHING OUT!! Is he going to TAP!?



…NO!! BROKEN UP BY SHAWN HART, who DIVES ONTO CAMERON CRUISE just as it seemed James Irish would slap the mat!!

DT: Cruise trying to keep the hold locked in anyway… but now he’s being MANHANDLED BY Shawn Hart!! “The Phenom” YANKING Cruise off the Television Champion!!

DM: Hart has him around the waist… and Cruise is FIGHTING HIM!! Hart lifting him up for a GERMAN SUPLEX, but he can’t get him over!! Now Hart RUNNING BACK as he loses control of Cruise—and up against the ropes, and—HERE COMES FUSENSHOFF—

DT: And FUSE JUST DUMPS THEM OVER to the outside!! I thought he was OUT OF IT, but it seems he’s been playing POSSUM this entire time, waiting for his opportunity to strike!!

DM: ‘Hoff is alone in the ring with the champion, as Irish, looking in all worlds of hurt, comes to his feet… and is met with a BOOT TO THE GUT—

WHIIIISKEY BAAAWWWMBB!!!

DT: FUSENSHOFF JUST NAILED JAMES IRISH INTO THE MAT, HEAD-FIRST!! Shawn Hart and Cameron Cruise are just now stumbling to their feet on the outside… and they look inside as Fusenshoff goes for the PIN!!

ONE!!!

DM: Hart and Cruise FIGHTING EACH OTHER to get into that ring!!

DT: TWO!!

DM: Hart ALMOST THERE…

DT: THREE!!! IT’S OVER!!

[Shawn Hart, inches away from Fusenshoff’s heel, is DRAGGED AWAY at the last moment by Cameron Cruise as the final count is made, and the bell CLANGS through the air! The crowd ERUPTS WITH CHEERS as “A Little Less Conversation” by Elvis Presley comes in over the PA and the referee raises the arm of the rising FUSENSHOFF!!]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner…

…and NEW EMPIRE PRO TELEVISION CHAMPION…


FUUUUUSSSSEEEEENNNSSSHOOOOFFFFFF!!!!

[The fans EXPLODE, chanting his name as the referee hands him the EPW TV Title and he holds it HIGH into the air!! Outside the ring, Cameron Cruise and Shawn Hart remain stunned in defeat… while James Irish lies unmoving on the mat.]

DT: What a TREMENDOUS VICTORY for Fusenshoff, who, in such a short time, has DOMINATED the ranks of Empire Pro and capitalized his dynamic coming with a BIG WIN and the TV Title around his waist!

DM: All four men put on one HELL of an effort in this match… but in the end, it was FUSENSHOFF who seized the opportunity to win when the advantage presented itself!!

MN: Hey, I’m just glad that belt’s off IRISH! We don’t need that A1E scum tarnishing our federation anymore. Kinda wish Cruise or Hart had picked it up, though…

DT: A dismal end for James Irish in his LAST Empire Pro match… but you have to hand one thing to him, he fought to the BITTER END, surviving a Hart Attack, the Domination, AND the Cruise Control before finally biting the bullet! Despite his alliances, I’m sure many here at Empire Pro will miss him.

MN: NO WE WON’T!! Jeez, are you guys MENTAL?!
 

DBrunkGXW

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Logistics, Part Two

[ EARLIER IN THE EVENING...

Outside Reliant Stadium, four long, black, sleek 18 wheelers emblazoned with Empire Pro Wrestling logs and graphics are backed up to the building. EPW's production crew is one of the best in the business, and tonight, on PPV, they normally step up their games. Responsible for everything you see in the arena - the lights, the music, the pyros, the video and sound on the EmpireTron - these guys bring you all the glitz of professional wrestling.

Halfway through the show is a brief intermission. Fans get a quick chance, a brief couple minutes, to stretch their legs and take a break from all the action and get revved up for the bigger matches and main event. The crew takes this quick time to rotate members in and out of jobs, allowing crew to stay refreshed and not get unfocused on the job at hand.
Thomas Ploquin is outside at the main production truck, clipboard and coffee in hand, barking out orders. As he does, EPW Owner Dan Ryan sidles up beside him, watching the action. ]

Thomas: Alright guys... 90 seconds! Let's go! Video guys... OUT! Get the new crew in there! Ok... audio, your turn! Let's go, let's go! Johnson, MOVE YOUR ASS! Okay, pyro, your turn!! Get in there, new crew! Show's on in 45 seconds!

[ An urgent, yet calm and steady flow of people in and out of the production truck sees the crew replaced in record time, and one of the new crew members punches up some theme music to be ready when they get their cue from the ring. ]

Thomas: Alright! Good work, guys!

[ Thomas turns and starts to walk away from the truck, and Dan starts walking with him back into the arena. They walk through the side entrance, past the junior security guards, and on down the hallway. ]

Dan: A lot of new guys working tonight, huh Thomas?

Thomas: Yeah, some sick tonight. Wally's wife is in labor. Steve got in an accident on the way here. Whatcha gonna do? But don't worry. They're all ready, and there won't be a hitch in the show.

Dan: Excellent work, as always, Tom.

Thomas: Thanks, boss. Now get the f*ck out of here so I can keep the show running.

[ Ryan just smiles as Thomas gives him a smirk and heads off to take care of the rest of Black Dawn. ]
 

DBrunkGXW

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King of the Cage: Ice Tre vs. Stalker

[‘Did my Time’ by Korn blares over the PA system as Stalker comes from behind the curtains staring at the cage and smiling.]

TF: This match is a KING OF THE CAGE MATCH……. FIRST… from Seattle, Washington, HERE IS… STTAAAAAALLLKEEEEEERRRR!!!

[Stalker goes through the cage door making the refs part a way for him out of fear.]

TF: And his opponent….. From THE MEAN STREETS….. NONE OTHER THEN… ICE TRE!!!!!!!!!!

[“Bad as Can” by Beetlejuice hit’s the PA and Ice Tre walks out through the curtains with nothing but a wife beater and baggy jeans on. He slaps the hands of some fans as he makes his way down to the ring.]


DT: Ice Tre is headed down to the cage now and Stalker is staring him down.

MN: Man I wouldn’t go into that cage even if I was given a million dollars to do it.

DM: Mike you wouldn’t go into a cage with any wrestler, money or not.

MN: That’s true.

DT: Looks like Tre is showing off for the crowd now…

DM: Yeah and Stalker is staring him down from inside the cage. Tre is standing on the steps towards the cage door showing his crown to the fans.

MN: Ice Tre better be careful that pyscho path looks like he is getting angry at him.

DT: OH MY! Stalker just jumped through the cage door and tackled Ice Tre to the ground on the outside. This match hasn’t even started yet and they are already fighting it out!

DM: Yeah and Stalker looks simply furious as he picks up Tre and slams his face right into the guardrail! Again and AGAIN! He’s yelling into Tre’s ear welcome to my world.

MN: If his world really existed life would totally suck.

DT: Tre is really in a bad spot here.. He wasn’t expecting to be jumped like that and being caught off guard against this guy is really bad for you.

DM: Stalker looks to be showing him why right now. Hooking Tre now he sets him up outside, lifts him and drops him GUT first across the guardrail. He’s walking away from Tre now and looks to be through with fighting him outside..

MN: I don’t think so Dean.

DT: Mike’s right and Stalker charging now at Tre, NAILS HIM with a boot across the side of the face sending Tre into the front row of the crowd.

MN: Has the bell rung yet?

DM: No Mike this match doesn’t begin until both competitors are in the ring and Carlos Gomez rings the bell.

MN: Wait a second.. Carlos Gomez.. Isn’t he the ref that gave Tre the win in that fiasco of a match between him and Stevens?

DT: That’s right Mike. The fans look to be helping Tre up to his feet now and Stalker comes over to help them. A fan tosses his beer cup all over Stalker and he is furious. He reaches for the fan who manages to avoid his grasp just as Ice Tre gets situated he catches Stalker off guard with a right hook!

DM: Stalker stumbles backwards and Tre grabs hold of the guard rail, jumps up and FLYING CLOTHESLINE! Stalker is laid out and Tre quickly gathers himself back to his feet and the fans are cheering his name!!

MN: Tre picks up Stalker by the hair and starts leading him up the steps to inside the cage and he.. Stops? Is he slow in the head? Start the match already he can win right now if he’s quick enough!

DM: Tre spins Stalker around and throws him into the guardrail! And he’s posing for the cheering fans yet again!!

DT: This showboating is going to get him nowhere.

MN: What’s he pointing at?

DM: I believe the Spanish announcer’s table.

MN: Uh oh..

DT: The fans know it and they are cheering even louder now as Tre picks Stalker up by the hair yet again and slams another fist into the back of his head!

DM: He’s pulling Stalker over to the announcer’s table and he hooks him up right next to it.. EVENFLOW! EVENFLOW! He just used Stalker’s finishing move on him straight to the floor! Stalker has to be out cold!

MN: Now he needs to get him in the cage and start the match so he can win already!

DT: I think he has other plans. Picking Stalker up again Tre slowly gets him up onto the Spanish announcer’s table struggling to lift him as he does. Tre nails him with a couple of elbows and then points to the top of the cage! The fans are chanting him on now!!

MN: Ice Tre will now show the world just how good he really is!

DM: I thought you wanted him to win this already? Get in, get out as quick as possible?

MN: Sssshh he’s almost to the top of the cage now.

DT: I don’t know his exact plan here but Tre is up near the top of the cage, turns around, balances himself and soaks in the cheering crowd for a moment.

DM: HEY! I think I just saw Stalker moving a bit!

MN: TRE GET OFF THE CAGE!!

DT: Tre doesn’t see it and he can’t hear you Mike. He brushes his shoulder off and.. JUMPS WITH A FLYING LEG DROP.. And STALKER ROLLS OFF THE TABLE!! OH MY GOD!

MN: He’s got to be dead.

DM: Most normal people wouldn’t be able to survive something like that but Empire Pro Wrestlers aren’t normal people.

DT: You got that right Dean. Although Tre is in an absolute horrible place and Stalker is already on his feet. He’s staring at Tre smiling like a maniac. He’s crouching next to Tre now and is talking to him. I have no idea what he’s telling him but I’m sure it’s not nice.

DM: Stalker is grabbing the vacated time keeper’s steel chair and folds it up. He grabs Tre’s arm and is dragging him towards the ring. Debris is scattered everywhere as Tre gets pulled off the pile of the broken announcer table.

MN: I knew Tre shouldn’t have tried something that drastic. He’s paying for it now. Stalker’s climbing up the steps towards the cage door and Tre is just being dragged behind him. Man the match hasn’t even started yet and he’s already a bloody mess!

DT: Quit doing play by play Mike!

MN: Oh.. Didn’t even realize.

DM: Well stop cause you are horrible at it.

MN: At least I got more wrestling skill then you.

DT: Boys.. Calm down. Focus on the match. Stalker just chucked the chair in the ring and is now shoving Tre headfirst through the ropes into the ring. He follows close behind him and the refs on the outside FINALLY lock them in the cage.

DM: The ref, Carlos Gomez, is checking on Tre to make sure he’s alright and Stalker shoves him off telling him to ring the bell. Gomez reluctantly does and Stalker just grins as he looks down at the bloody Ice Tre.

MN: Alright well let’s get this thing over with, no reason we need to see this idiot in the ring any longer.

DT: I’m sure Stalker isn’t through with him yet, all we can hope for now is that Ice Tre will end up being able to walk out of this cage instead of being carried out on a stretcher.

DM: For some reason, Stalker seems like he wants him to leave on a stretcher. Setting up the chair in the middle of the ring now, Stalker picks up the bloody Ice Tre and whips him into the ropes, coming back now.. Drop toe hold straight into the chair! Tre’s face just bounced off the seat of that metal chair.

MN: That has got to be painful.

DT: Oh my.. There is a pool of blood pouring from his nose and Stalker is just staring over him like a buzzard looking to feed.

MN: He’s stalking his prey.

DM: Very original Mike. Tre now, trying to get to his knees, Stalker just kicks him back down on the mat. Blood is pouring out Tre’s nose and he’s doing his best to get up but Stalker refuses to let him. Tre is crawling ever so slowly to the ropes and finally grabs a hold of the bottom one and now the second one and he’s up to his feet now.

DT: Grinning now Stalker walks slowly over to Ice Tre ready to continue his assault. Tre with a kick to the gut cuts Stalker off and knocks the wind out of him. Tre is trying to steady himself on his feet now while Stalker recovers and goes to grapple him.

DM: Tre ducks from Stalker’s grasp and nails him with a punch to the gut, he goes for another kick but Stalker grabs his leg… ENZIGURI!!

MN: Wow that was out of nowhere.

DT: Stalker was definitely caught off guard on that one, Tre is going to take advantage, he runs against the ropes jumps up, SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT! The fans are again cheering Tre trying to get him to his feet to capitalize.

DM: Obviously that combo had to take a lot out of him.
MN: Obviously you have no idea that that man right there is the TRU Number one contenda and he DOES not go down that easily.

DM: ………………………………..

MN: Exactly.

DT: Tre is hearing the fans and pulling himself up yet again. Ripping off his wife beater to the adoring cheers of the female fans, he brushes his shoulder off and drops an elbow straight across Stalker’s throat. Picking himself up along with Stalker, he hooks him, side headlock and Stalker throws him off into the ropes. Tre comes back, ducks a clothesline, bounces on the other side, FLYING CROSS BODY!

DM: Tre is getting pumped up now. And the fans are loving it. Tre picking up the chair now looks down at Stalker. Lifting the chair up and he brings it CRASHING down against Stalker’s leg! Tre, with a bloody face, starts laughing at the fallen Stalker. Lifting the chair up again he brings it crashing down yet again against his leg.

MN: Oh, I like this plan, take out his leg so he can’t climb the cage.

DT: Tre throws the chair to the ground and grabs Stalker up by his hair, hooks him, SPINNING SUPLEX on the chair! Tre springboards himself up to his feet. He pounds his chest and points out to the crazed fans. Wiping the blood from his face, he flings it down on the fallen Stalker and starts walking ‘fly’ like towards the cage door.

MN: Open that door!

DM: The refs are unlocking the door as Tre waits patiently…. But Stalker’s up to his feet now and the fans are screaming at Tre to turn around, he does, Stalker is staring him down and Tre gets furious charging at him with a spear to the ground! Laying his fists into his face, the crowd starts counting the punches with him.

MN: 1...2.…3.…4.….5.…6.…7.….8.….9... Brushes his shoulder off and 10!!

DT: Amazing you can count to ten.

MN: Actually I can count much higher then that but honestly what’s the need? It’s not like counting has ever helped me in my whole entire life.

DM: Really? That doesn’t surprise me. Anyways, folks, this has been an amazing comeback so far. Tre standing in the middle of the ring above a fallen Stalker after coming crashing 30 feet from mid air through an announcer’s table.

DT: The fans seems to have really gotten behind him here tonight. And Tre is absolutely loving it, grabbing the chair now as Stalker is picking himself up against the ropes. Tre spins around, sees him, swings the chair, STALKER MOVES! The chair bounces off the ropes and slams directly into Tre’s face!

DM: The chair gets dropped in front of him and Tre is dazed and confused. Stalker swoops up behind him, FRONT FACE RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP onto the chair! Maybe I spoke of a comeback too soon.

MN: It’s amazing how screwed up some people can be in the head. He’s smiling about what just happened.

DT: He’s never claimed to be sane. Stalker grabs Tre by his shirt and pulls him up to his knees. He kicks him in the gut and Tre flops over on his back holding his head and stomach in sheer pain. Stalker is now yelling at him to get up. Mocking him by brushing his shoulder off.

MN: COMPLETELY DISRESPECTFUL!

DM: Stalker is taunting him to get up and is standing back waiting for him. Tre struggles to get to his knees but does.

DT: With Stalker yelling at him Tre is slowly getting himself up on his feet. Finally he is and now he is face to face with a psychopath. They are just locked in a stare down.

MN: Maybe this will be the deciding factor in the match. GO TRE!

DM: You amaze me every time Mike. Stalker has his arms outstretched and it waiting for Tre to make the first move. He does, punching Stalker in the gut, it doesn’t phase him. Tre with another right hand to the gut and Stalker doesn’t budge. He’s laughing at him now, his face covered in blood.

DT: Tre is not too happy about that and looks back at the crowd almost acknowledging them and he… drops to the ground and LOW BLOWS Stalker! Stalker doubles over and Tre charges towards the ropes, bounces off, comes back with a DROPKICK TO THE KNEE! Stalker falls to his knees holding his groin in pain and Tre is sizing him up now… what’s this? DIRECT KICK to the neck of Stalker!

MN: ICE PICK ICE PICK ICE PICK ICE PICK!!!!

DM: What the **** is an ice pick?

MN: THAT’S HIS FINISHER! STALKER IS DONE WITH!

DT: Tre feels the same way, he’s heading towards the cage side and starts climbing up slowly. He’s in obvious pain as he can only move slowly up the side of the cage.

DM: Stalker is starting to stir and Tre has yet to reach the top of the cage. He’s slowly but surely getting there and Stalker is on his knees now. Tre looks back down and pushes himself further up the cage. Stalker notices him and struggles to his feet and stumbles towards the cage side.

DT: Stalker is climbing… faster then Tre was. Tre is at the top but Stalker is closing in on him. Tre flips his legs over the other side of the cage and Stalker is almost there! Tre is on the other side but STALKER GRABS HIS HAIR!

MN: COME ON TRE!

DM: Stalker yanks him up slightly switching his hold from Tre’s hair to his shirt and pulls him up farther! They are exchanging blows now! Tre is losing his balance.. He’s going to fall…

MN: To victory!

DT: He’s trying to hold on but his arms loses grip… he’s leaning back… about to FALL! STALKER GRABS HIS NECKLACE! AND IT DOESN’T BREAK!

MN: Oh man I knew he shouldn’t have made that new purchase!

DM: Stalker wails on him with a right hand and grabs a hold of his hair slamming him face first on to the top of the cage. Stalker starts pulling Tre back onto the other side of the cage, one leg at a time. He nails him with a couple of blows to the back and Tre looks to be knocked out.

DT: This isn’t a good position for him to be in. Stalker is looking down at the ring and at Tre now…. He’s smiling at the crowd with a mouthful of blood. He hooks Tre under his gut, sizes him up… looks down at the ring again… and he.. And he…. OH MY GOD POWERB….!!!

MN: WHAT THE ****!!!!!

DM: What just happened?!?!

DT: Stalker topples off the top of the cage after sending Tre falling with a massive power bomb that sent…. TRE… through the RING!?!??!?

MN: There is a massive hole in the ring? What the hell?!?

DM: I don’t know but Carlos Gomez is trying to get a hold of the situation, he’s looking down in the hole, crouched over it looking for signs of life.

MN: This is insanity! He could be dead!

DT: Stalker is crawling over slowly to the hole, in sheer pain holding his knee. He’s screaming at Gomez asking him what the hell is going on.

DM: Gomez has no idea! Stalker is furious…. He gets to his feet and is looking at the hole in the ring in disbelief. His eyes switch to Gomez and Stalker shoves him to the ground screaming at him. Gomez struggles up to his feet and the refs finally open the cage door on the outside and storm in the ring to figure out what’s going on.

DT: The match’s ref Carlos Gomez scurries out of the ring in fear of a raging Stalker who is going ballistic in the ring.

MN: What’s that??

DT: What’s what?

MN: You don’t see that?!?

DM: See what Mike?

MN: It’s… it’s… IT’S ICE TRE!!!!!!

DM: What.. Where?!

[Pandemonium ensues as Ice Tre crawls from under the ring at Carlos Gomez’s feet who helps him up. The ref looks at an irate Stalker in the ring and signals the timekeeper to ring the bell. Raising Ice Tre’s hand up in the air, he declares him the winner and hands him the ‘King of the Cage’ Crown.]

MN: ICE TRE WON!!

DT: And Stalker is furious! He’s screaming at Tre as Tre slowly walks up the aisle smiling at Stalker with a bloody face.

DM: This… was… amazing.
 

DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
Joined
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Messages
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JA Makes His Point

[The dust settles from the intense cage match that just transpired. The cage is taken down and the arena is ready for another match... or is it?]

DT: Well that was a totally intense match between Ice Tre and Stalker obviously – but there’s some controversy with the ending, as usual.

MN: Ice Tre is my hero – that’s all I’m saying….

[MUSIC UP: “Eat the Rich” by Fozzy.]

MN: Leave it to that jerko to interrupt my statement of satisfaction over the winner of that match.

DM: Yeah, because we all know you’re the only one who can interrupt people.

[JA comes out to a raucous pop from the Houston crowd.]

DT: Guys, pipe down. I’m guessing the Anglo Luchador is arriving to let us know how he’s spending his bonus check from Dan Ryan for staying faithful to EPW.

MN: Bah, if I were our esteemed owner, that rat wouldn’t get a penny. I’ve heard him on that second-rate company’s broadcasts. He’s lying just to make a profit!

[JA slaps hands with the crowd as he makes his way to the ring. Lollipop and his legal counsel, Rotundaholic Anonymous, make their way behind him.]

DM: I doubt it. From what I understand, JA is vehemently opposed to Ryan and Beast ruining both companies with this petty feud of theirs. So neener-neener, Neels, you butt-munch.

DT: We’ll take you back to Black Dawn when this unscheduled interruption of Romper Room is over.

[JA hits the ring and grabs a microphone. Music dies down.]

MN: Romper Room... this ain’t the sixties, Thomas! You’re showing your age!

DT: Pipe down.

[JA taps the mic and puts it to his mouth.]

JA: So, I hear there has been a lot of buzz as to what I’ve been planning tonight, as well there should be. I recently came into a lot of money. I mean a sh*tpile of money. Seriously, I mean, a quarter of a million dollars? As Ice Tre would say... SHEEZY FO REEZY IN THE HEEZY!

[Pop from the crowd.]

JA: But folks, you know as well as I do that the money given to me by one “All-Natural” Dan Ryan isn’t exactly earned in good faith. Basically, it’s a payment to stand down in defense of that other company I work for...

[A mixed reaction comes over the crowd.]

JA: Hey now, hey now, I’m not trying to pit side against side here. I know that it’s a very touchier issue than bringing up Bud Adams at a Texan fan rally.

[Lusty boos for the man who took the Oilers out of Houston.]

JA: And that’s why I accepted the cash, looking at it not as a choosing of one side over the other, but as a rejection of one furry douche-turkey’s championing of sabotaging one fed while inviting the guy he’s trying to get over on into the other fed and bringing that down too in the process. But, because that payout came from the other part of that asstacular equation, I can’t in good faith put it in my bank account. Besides, I’ve sold enough of my stocks at a nice profit against margin to last me until I’m cold and dead, and it’s afforded me to spend both of my paychecks on things like forty-thousand cheeseburger-and-taco combos from Jack in the Box to feed my extended family during an impromptu reunion, or a thirty-eight-and-four-sevenths feet tall bronze likeness of the bass player from Grand Funk Railroad...

[Dramatic pause]

JA: Don’t ask.

MN: I DON’T CARE!

DT and DM: SHUT UP, NEELS!

JA: So Lord knows I can blow all this blood money I got from Danny Boy on something to entertain people, because that’s what I do when I’m not breaking my neck in this ring. I entertain, and some have said that I’m one of the best at that.

MN: Pompous dic...

DT: FAMILY SHOW!

MN: ...dictator.

JA: So, without further ado, let me introduce you to Jericoholic Hulkamaniac Anonymous’ Black Dawn Grand Humongousostatious Fungasmatorious Displayararium of Two-Thousand-and-Eight!

[RA abruptly steps forward and pulls a microphone out of his back pocket and starts speaking at an insanely fast pace.]

RA: The following stunts are performed by trained professionals. Please do not attempt to imitate in any form whatsoever in the home. All the following has been sanctioned by the Harris County Board of Permits. No animals will be harmed. Jericoholic Hulkamaniac Anonymous’ Black Dawn Grand Humongousostatious Fungasmatorious Displayarium of Two-Thousand-And-Eight is a registered trademark of Anonymous Enterprises and may not be transmitted without express written consent of Jericoholic Anonymous. All rights reserved, please see showroom for details, side effects may be itchy skin, uncontrollable crying and a leaky anus.

[JA shoves his cousin out of the way.]

JA: Err, thanks, cuz...

[RA nods.]

MN: That was...

DM: Impressive!

MN: I was going more for bizarre and pointless, but whatever.

JA: Alright, and now, LET THE SHOW BEGIN!

[A loud BOOM echoes throughout the arena as loud pyrotechnics explode in the air above the stands.]

MN: HOLD ME!

DM: Neels, relax, it’s just fireworks, but if you get too scared, you can always use Depends Adult Diapers. Now hold 63 percent more crap than the competitors!

DT: You really need to get your shilling in check, Dean.

DM: Hey, it pays the bills.

[After the firework subside, “Stars and Stripes Forever” in marching band form starts to emanate from inside the entry way. The University of Houston marching band comes strutting out in full uniform, playing the John Philip Sousa tune with zeal. The last drummer to enter the ringside area is followed by Kevin Kolb, wearing his Houston Cougars jersey and playing to the hometown crowd for a big pop.]

MN: Ham!

DM: See, I’m not the only one who shills.

MN: I was describing the third-rate quarterback heading out.

DT: Hey, third-rate or second-round is regardless. This is quite the gaudy show put on by the Anglo Luchador.

[The curtain rustles and out comes a man holding a rope that goes up as it goes into the back.]

DM: I don’t think it’s over yet!

[The blaring nasally-sounding horn signals the arrival of a pachyderm, and right through the curtain walks one seven-and-a-half ton elephant. Behind it walks another trainer leading another elephant into the arena. Behind that one walks another trainer leading an elephant with a banner on the side reading “Jericoholic’s Cavalcade of the Stars,” and a carriage on its back with such washed-up stars as Tiffany, Frank Stallone, Joe Piscopo and Yahoo Serious.]

DT: I... I’m speechless.

MN: I’m not! I’m excited! Is that really Joe Piscopo?

DM: Neels, stop swooning or else I’ll bash you over the head with a fire extinguisher.

MN: Is it one of your name brand ones that you shill?

DM: No, but it’ll still frigging hurt.

[A rope ladder unfurls from the side of the third elephant as the Z-listers climb down gingerly.]

DT: I just can’t believe JA is doing all this with his loyalty money.

DM: Yeah, and quite frankly, I’m shocked he went to this length. Renting the band alone must have cost him a cool one-hundred Gs.

MN: Not to mention hiring people to pick up all that elephant crap.

DM: No, I’m pretty sure Ryan’s gonna make you do that before you go jetting off to the next A1E broadcast. Y’know, since you’re his lapdog and all.

MN: Just because you didn’t get chosen to go over there, don’t go taking it out on me.

[Everyone climbs into the ring, and the band dies down. JA brings the microphone back to his mouth when all of a sudden, “Zero” plays on the PA.]

DT: Uh-oh, looks like the owner is going to step in.

MN: Good, end this travishamockery, but not before I get Joey’s autograph!

DM: Joey?

[Ryan appears on the Empire-O-Tron from his office.]

MN: Hey, let me have my boyish innocence, okay? But shh, the boss is about to talk.

RYAN: What in God’s name is going on out there?

JA: Hey, boss, I already told you, it’s Jericoholic Hulka...

RYAN: [interrupting] I already know what you’re calling it, but that doesn’t mean I think it’s a good use of company time, especially for someone treading on as thin ice as you.

JA: Moi, on thin ice? Surely, you jest mah capitan. I told you, I am only doing what I’m doing in good fun. Besides, I’m not siding with Beast. Isn’t that the only condition? Cuz, ain’t it?

RA: I believe it is.

JA: So there, I’m not doing anything wrong. So why don’t you just come on down here...

RYAN: Umm, no. How about I stay right here and delegate? And furthermore, yes, the only condition to you receiving your check was to swear off loyalty from Mr. Westcott, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with you taking that money and turning my pay-per-view event into a three-ring circus of mindless drivel that you call entertainment. It only means I can’t sue you to get that money back...

JA: Whoa, whoa, whoa... what makes you think I spent my money on all this? Hell, what makes you think I spent any money on this?

[Ryan looks shocked.]

DT: What?

MN: HE STOLE THE ELEPHANTS AND KIDNAPPED JOEY! ARREST HIM! ARREST HIM!

DM: That’s it, I’m going for the fire extinguisher.

JA: That’s right, I didn’t pay a single cent for any of this. The University of Houston was glad to lend me their marching band in exchange for a series of guest lectures in their economics department. Kevin Kolb here...

[Kolb raises his right hand in a fist while screaming to the crowd.]

JA: ...well, let’s just say that having front row season tickets at the Linc provided me some choice mingling opportunities during Tee-Vee timeouts. The celebrities, well, all of them owed me one for various things, except Yahoo Serious over here, who was panhandling in front of the arena...

[The Australian actor bumrushes JA and grabs the mic.]

YS: Can someone spare a dollah so I can buy a shrimp from the bahbie?

[JA yanks the mic away from him while Joe Piscopo grabs Serious and tosses him out of the ring.]

JA: Jesus Christ, thanks Joe, I guess I owe you one now.

MN: YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT YOU OWE HIM ONE!

DT and DM: SHUT UP, NEELS!

JA: And those four elephants out there, well, let’s just say my new lucrative endorsement deal for Ringling Bros. pays in much more than just cash.

RYAN: Wait a second, wait a second, I only count three.

JA: Oh yeah, that’s right, there are only three elephants in the arena right now. But I did get four elephants. MONTY! SHOW ‘EM THE FOURTH ELEPHANT!

[Cut to the parking lot, a trainer with an elephant on a rope, ass-end facing the cars.]

JA V/O: There he is! Ain’t he a good elephant?

[Cut back to the ring area.]

RYAN: Are you going anywhere with this?

JA: Actually boss, now that you mention it, I am. You see, in addition to Ringling Bros., I’ve also scored a major endorsement deal with Ex-Lax. You know, the laxative? Yeah, that’s a pretty sweet deal.

RYAN: What does that have to do with anything?

JA: Funny you should ask.

[Cut back to the elephant in the parking lot.]

JA V/O: You see, in addition to money, the endorsement comes with a year’s supply of product. Now, I have no use for a whole year’s worth of that crap, seeing as I eat a diet high in fiber anyway, but...

[The camera pans around to show a side view of the elephant, showing it to be standing right in front of Ryan’s and Beast’s cars in the parking lot.]

JA V/O: ...it’s just enough to make an elephant just absolutely lose all control of its bowels within fifteen minutes of ingestion. And by my count, it’s been fourteen minutes just about...

[Just then, the elephant lets out an abrupt snort before letting lose in MASSIVE quantities all over Beast’s Escalade and Ryan’s Rolls-Royce. A distinct puking sound can be heard from the broadcast booth.]

DM V/O: Jesus Christ, Neels!

DT V/O: It’s everywhere!

DM V/O: What, the crap or Neels’ throw up?

MN V/O: [gasping] Get a grip, I only let out a little bit and I swallowed it all back in. Don’t try to embarrass me more than this masked jackass is doing with this display!

DM V/O: Hey, it may be gross, but it’s damn funny!

MN V/O: Poop humor... grow up!

[Cut back to the arena to shots of various fans, some of them laughing hysterically, some of them dry heaving. Cut to a shot of JA and his entourage all laughing hysterically. The Empire-O-Tron cuts back to Dan Ryan, who is furious.]

MN: Look at what you did, you freak! You pissed off the boss!

DM: He did, but he was funny doing it. Props to you, Mr. Anonymous.

MN: Hey! You better watch what you’re saying or else you’ll get FIRED! The boss is pissed and rightfully so!

DT: I have no opinion about this either way, but... Neels is right on one thing. You don’t go making Dan Ryan mad.

RYAN: You... you have about five seconds to get the hell out of my ring...

JA: [interrupting] Hold on now, hold on. Time for a Tee-Oh here. All I did was in good fun...

RYAN: Good fun? GOOD FUN? You had an elephant take a wet dump all over my personal vehicle!

JA: That’s not entirely true. It dumped on Beast’s car too.

DM: See Neels? Fun for everyone!

MN: Shove it.

RYAN: That really doesn’t matter at this point...

JA: But it does. You see, this whole spectacle, this entire Displayarium I’ve been doing, well, I have to admit, there were some ulterior motives. Yes, I wanted to entertain the great fans of Empire Pro Wrestling, amirite?

[The fans at the Toyota Center pop HUGE!]

MN: Idiots.

JA: But... I also wanted to teach certain parties a lesson. And since the steroids haven’t ravaged your brain too much and you’re not a dull man yet, Herr Ryan, I can guess that you figured whom that lesson was being taught to. You see... these fans deserve a lot better than to be subjected to a mindless turf war, a pissing contest between you and the Furball. You two couldn’t just settle your differences the way we all do, in this very ring. No, you two had to start jerking each other’s chains with the companies we all work for, and thus dragging these GREAT fans through the proverbial elephant diarrhea. And despite all that, despite you two not only trying to ruin Aye-One-Ee but also Ee-Pee-Dubya, this arena is SOLD OUT and filled to CAPACITY!

[Another huge pop from the Houston crowd.]

JA: It just goes to prove that these fans still love your company despite getting crapped on by you and the other muscle-brained idiot. So in return, I thought I’d let them do the crapping... vicariously, of course, through the only man in this entire ordeal who is committed to putting them first, not my huge, crushing ego. So Houston, how does it feel to be the ones taking the dump all over Dan Ryan and Beast instead of the other way around?

[Another nuclear pop from the crowd, signaling their approval. The camera cuts to Ryan on-screen making a mocking golf-clap.]

RYAN: Great job, J. Really good. You really showed me. I’m speechless...

[JA is about to say something, but Ryan immediately cuts him off.]

RYAN: ...except I’m not. You might think it’s cute to come out here, make a mockery of my company by putting on a display that clearly isn’t wrestling-related...

JA: Yeah, and having IrishRed tangle with a circus monkey...

RYAN: Shut up!

MN: YOU TELL ‘IM BOSS!

RYAN: You put on this display and you clearly cross me in front of everyone. And you expect me to think it’s all in good fun? Really? You think I’m that stupid to laugh at the joke you played on me and my entire company, in my hometown no less? Well, this might have worked when I wasn’t as hands-on and Freeman was running the show. Hell, you might have been able to pull this off in that other company before Nathan Houston got shown the door. But on my watch, here, on a pay-per-view event? No, not a chance.

[Boos from the crowd.]

RYAN: However, I’m not an unreasonable man, not at all. So before I fire you from this company AND from the other company I’m presently in charge of, I’ll give you the chance to explain what you spent with the money I gave you.

[JA pretends to loosen a collar that isn’t there before speaking again.]

JA: So you’re going to fire me? Danny Boy, that’d be a really bad Pee-Arr move for you.

RYAN: PR move?

JA: Yeah, how bad would it look for you to fire the guy who just facilitated giving your fans a bonus from you for sticking with this company even through your idiotic slapfight with Beast?

RYAN: What?

JA: Oh, yeah, that’s right, I haven’t gotten to that part yet. You see, if you had just let me finish this thing without you coming in and acting all high and mighty, you’d have seen the part where I tell everyone to look under their seats. So, everyone in attendance... please look under your seats!

[There’s an initial confusion, but moments later a collective pop blows the roof off the Toyota Center.]

JA: That’s right, courtesy of Dan Ryan, everyone in this facility is now one-hundred dollars richer!

DM: A hundred bucks?

MN: I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY UNDER MY SEAT!

DM: That’s because you’re not a fan, you’re an employee, dingus.

MN: I CALL SHENANIGANS!

DT and DM: SHUT UP, NEELS!

JA: That’s right, every fan is a Benjamin Franklin up, thanks to Dan Ryan! Everyone, give our owner a round of applause for being such a good sport about everything!

[Another nuclear pop, this time, for Dan Ryan, his first of the segment.]

JA: Give it up for the boss!

RYAN: So that’s what you spent the money on? But I only gave you a quarter-mil. You need at least two million easy to cover $100 for everyone here.

JA: Well, I had some help. You see, Lollipop donated her bonus to me. So did my cousin back here. And before you call shenanigans on that, boss, he signed a contract and he was eligible. He’s a lawyer too, so you know he’s legit. Oh yeah, don’t forget Priest and Eisenkreuz either, and Bill Laimbeer. I bet you didn’t know he was still under contract. A few other benefactors gave their money up too, I won’t name names though, but yeah, I definitely collected enough scratch so that your generosity went back to the great fans of Empire Pro Wrestling!

[Another pop.]

JA: So you see... because of me, you’re going to get a metric ton of publicity, good pub for a change. And for you to fire me after I did this for you, well, wouldn’t that negate everything?

[Ryan looks a bit uncomfortable on the screen.]

MN: Don’t do it, boss! Don’t let him keep his job! It’s blackmail!

DM: Oh shove it, Neels. Jay-Aye has done nothing to warrant losing his job, and on top of that, he’s cleverly got Ryan by the grapes.

RYAN: You know what... you’re right. How am I going to fire you after doing this? You’re still on my sh*t-list, but you got one over on me. I’m man enough to admit it. But if you think it’s going to be smooth sailing from here on out for you... well, let’s just say no one has ever crossed me and been better for having done so afterwards. You’re on thin ice. So enjoy the rest of your night, because it’ll be the last victory you have here for a long, long time.

[The Tron goes to static as JA’s music cues up again.]

DT: I can’t believe it! Jericoholic Anonymous saved his job and got one over on the Ego Buster.

DM: I just can’t wait to see Beast’s reaction to this.

MN: Screw Beast. Screw JA. Screw the fans, and screw both of you.

DM: Tell us how you really feel, Neels.

DT: Okay, let’s take a break so that we can get the ring ready for the next match.
 

DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
Joined
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Messages
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EPW World Tag Titles: The Forsaken (c) vs. Chronic Collizion

DT: This next contest is for the prestigious EPW World Tag Team Titles! The newly crowned tag team champions, the Forsaken, have the ability to be the most dominant tag team champions in Empire Pro Wrestling history. However, there's another very special tag team in this contest, who have done nothing but been dominant since they've returned to the EPW – the Chronic Collizion--

MN: --formerly the Crimson Calling!

DM: How did I know you were going to say that?

MN: Is that a trick question?

DM: Never mind.

DT: Let's get up to ring announcer Tony Fedora for the official introductions.

[SFX: Bell rings.]

TF: Ladies and Gentlemen, this next contest is scheduled for ONE FALL and it is for the EPW World Tag Team Championship!

MN: Hey Tony, Dave already said that!

DT: Cool it, Neels.

TF: First making their way to the ring at a combined weight of four hundred and thirty-five pounds! They are the EPW Tag Team Champions of the WORLD! Felix Red, The First ... they are the FORSAKEN!!

[The lights dim as the curtain opens and the tag team champions walk through, title belts over there shoulders. The reaction of the audience is mixed, mostly boos, but the champs hardly notice as they enter the ring and hand the belts to the referee.]

DT: The champs look focused tonight. There opponents are two men who have been on a tear as of late. In fact, they are going against a tag team that beat them in a triple threat tag a couple of months ago, so they need to make sure they're on there A game.

TF: And, there opponents...

[The lights dim once more.]


TF: Weighing in at seven hundred and thirty-eight pounds ... “The Escape Artist” Erik Black, “the Raging Russian”Ivan Dalkichev ... formerly known as the Crimson Calling, they are the CHRONIC COLLIZION!

[The sound of a flicking lighter... water bubbling... and obnoxious COUGHING heralds the intro to "10001110101" by Clutch. As the music swings into its first bluesy hard rock riff, "The Raging Russian" Ivan Dalkichev storms onto the stage, downing the last of his bottle of vodka, which he immediately SMASHES on the ground and beats his chest with his fist, roaring to the audience! Slinking through the mist behind him is "The Escape Artist" Erik Black, a plume of smoke escaping his lips and holding up “GEEZER” for the fans to see!]

[The pair come face to face at the top of the ramp, flashing each other thumbs up, and make their way down. Dalkichev strides with Norrisean intensity, heading straight for the ring in a drunken stupor, while Black remains in tow, dancing to the music and playing to the fans.]

[As they come to the ring, the hulking Dalkichev scales the apron, staggering slightly, and steps over the top rope to enter the squared circle. Black slides inside after him, walking around the ring on his knees while pumping up the audience. At the end of their set, Dalkichev drops to his knees in the center of the ring, holding his arms out to his sides. Black takes position behind him and holds his arms up in a V formation. When viewed from straight on, they form a five-pointed shape similar to a cannabis leaf!]

DT: Ladies and Gentlemen, the bell has sounded, the intensity level is at an all time high, and we are ready for this contest!

DM: You got that right. Ever since Felix Red came to Empire he's talked about running roughshod over the company, and for the most part, he's accomplished everything he's set out to accomplish.

DT: But, there's been one team that's been on an equally impressive tear, and that's Black and Dalkichev...

DM: Both teams are in the center of the ring, they're jawing at each other. The bell sounds and Erik Black is going to start us off with the First.

DT: Both men engage in collar-and-elbow tie up, lobbying for position . Black muscles The First into the corner, as the referee steps in to separate the two. Black breaks cleanly.

MN: I'd have waffled him.

DM: You'd have pissed your pants.

MN: ... or on your mom.

DT: The two meet in the center of the ring again, collar-and-elbow tie up, this time the First gets the advantage, forcing Black into his corner as the referee again calls for a break up. The First obliges, taking the gentlemanly approach, getting the ref's attention as Felix Red clubs Black with an axe handle smash, that has him gasping for air.

DM: Smart teamwork. These two are real pros and it you can see it every single time they step into the ring together.

DT: The First charges in and connects with a big splash! And Black doubles over! He tags in Red. Who immediately connects with a spinning heel kick! That was impressive!
MN: And, that's why they're the champs.

DT: Red drops down for the cover but Black kicks out immediately.

DM: They've got a long way to go to keep Black down.

MN: They don't call him the Escape Artist for nothing. This guy has escaped all types of run-ins with the law. I remember, this one time, he was trapped in a building after attempting to rob a bank, all types of armed police were on the outside and--

DM: --Neely. MATCH!

DT: Thank you. Felix Red's got Black on his feet ... he sends him to the ropes, attempts a back body drop that was countered with a kick to the chin ... Erick Black charges in and connects with a vicious clothesline, as Red hits the mat.

DM: Great counter. Black doesn't get the credit that he deserves for being such a great competitor.

DT: Black is on his the ground, he's crawling to his corner ... but, Felix Red has him by the foot. He's pulling Black back in the direction of the Forsaken's corner. What is he doing, he's pinned him upside down in there turnbuckle...

DM: Tree of woe, baby. This one can and will rearrange your face permanently.

MN: How would you know? Is that how you got that ugly mug?

DM: How about I rearrange your mug?

MN[swallows hard]: Then who would bring the comedy?

DM: Hush, Neels.

DT: Felix Red is back, he's being deliberate, he begins to charge-- NO!!
DM: Big Ivan Dalkichev yanked Felix Red from behind with a handful of hair! Red is on the mat screaming in agony as Dalkichev actually has a piece of Felix's hair!

DT: And, on the opposite side of the ring, Erick Black frees his foot and kicks the First in the face, before unhooking himself off of the turnbuckle! He's up on his feet, he charges a dazed Felix Red ... Dropkick!

DM: That bought him enough time, he crawls to his corner and tags in Ivan Dalkichev!!!

DT: Dalkichev is in the ring, so is the First, Chokeslam! Dalkichev drops down for the cover! But, the referee's trying to inform him that Felix Red is the legal man. Speaking of which, where is Felix?

DM: Dave, he's up there...

DT: Felix Red on the top rope ... he's waiting for Ivan to get to his feet ... Felix takes the leap, NO! Dalkichev caught him and turned it into a crushing sidewalk slam! He drops down for the cover! ONE! TWO! Red gets his shoulder up!! Wow what a counter!

MN: The Forsaken will learn the hard way about messing with those Russians. If there freakish size and body odor don't get you, their breath will!

DM: How would you know?

MN: I dated this Russian chick once, and whew was she funky! A great lay, but she smelled like burned rubber!

DM: ... probably was a dude.

MN[frowns]: That would explain the Adams Ap-- Wait a second! Shut up!!


DT: Back to the action inside of the ring, Red is on his feet, Dalkichev stalks him ... Red's trying to get his legs under him. Dalkichev hooks him into a Verticle Suplex! He covers him again...


... One.

Two.

Kickout.

DT: Felix Red is very resilient.

DM: Indeed his is. He's won multiple World Championships in many of the federations he's competed in.

DT: Dalkichev stands over Felix's fallen body ... Red's struggling to get to his feet ... low blow by Felix Red! And, he's FINALLY figured out a way to get the big man off of his feet. Red stumbles to his corner and tags in the First who immediately scales the top rope and connects with a Flying Legdrop!

DM: He drops down for the cover... ONE! TWO! Dalkichev with a big kickout!

MN: It's going to take a crane to keep that big man down for the count!

DT: It really may. The First connects with a couple of kicks to the body! I'm not sure how much damage he's doing, but he's keeping at it. The First runs to the ropes, he bounces off, POWERSLAM! Ivan Dalkichev countered with a bone crushing powerslam! He's on his knees...

MN: Now that's just nasty.

DT: He crawls to his corner ... YES! He tags in Erick Black who is a ball of fire!

MN: ... or smoke if you catch my drift.

DT: Black runs into the First and connects with a Tornado DDT! Felix Red enters the ring ... Black nails him with a forearm ... then grabs a handful of hair ... One handed Bulldog!! The First is back up on his feet ... and, Black connects with an Implant DDT!

DM: WOW! The little man is stepping up in a major way today. Dalkichev enters the ring. He guerrilla presses his partner in the air ... Elevated Fist-Drop and the First may have a broken jaw!

DT: I think they're going to try to end this thing. Ivan Dalkichev, to the dismay of the referee, has the First on his shoulders ... as Erick Black scales the top. He's hooking him up for the Chronic Crasher! NO! Felix Red with another low blow to Ivan Dalkichev that makes Erick Black stumble as he was trying to hook the First into the maneuver!

DM: Felix Red is now on his feet, he quickly scales the ropes ... he jumps .... aaaaaannnnnnnnndddd connects! He connects with a 180 Swanton bomb! And Black is out. Red dropkicks Ivan Dalkichev for good measure, as The First crawls over to the body of the Escape Artist for the pin.

DT: ONE! TWO! TTTTHHHHHHRRRREEEEEEE!


MN: He's no escape artist tonight...

[SFX: The bell sounds.]

TF: The winner of this contest ... aaaannnnnnddddd STILL EPW Tag Team Champions of the WORLD! THE FORSAKEN!!!!

DM: That was a great contest, and even though the Chronic Collizion didn't pull it off, they can be very proud of the performance that they had tonight.

DT: They sure can. That was a great contest.
 

DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
Joined
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Messages
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That psycho!

[Scene switches to backstage, Stalker is seen storming through the back screaming at the top of his lungs. Heading towards the locker rooms he stops at a door that says 'Dan Ryan' on it. Without hesitation he swings the door open to a sitting Dan Ryan who’s on the telephone.]

Stalker: That ref you have on your payroll is trash, Ryan.

[Ryan hangs up the phone and leans back in his chair.]

Stalker: This is the second time that fool has called a match wrong and WE BOTH damn know Ice Tre has not earned any victory against me OR Trip. Bottom line is if you don't put me in a match with that jerk off to set him straight i'm going to be a very unhappy man.

Ryan: Wait... you want a match with Carlos Gomez? The five foot five ref? Are you serious?

Stalker: Your god damn right i'm serious! Tre did not escape the cage. He fell through a hole in the ring.... YOUR RING. There is no way in hell he should be deserving of victory. So to teach that punk ass ref a lesson…. I want him in the ring with me!

Ryan: You should look into a career in standup comedy.

[Ryan stares at Stalker with a smirk for a moment, but Stalker doesn’t budge and continues to stare a hole in the EPW owner.]

Ryan: Look…… I'm not gonna put him in a dangerous situation like that at all, much less alone. Here's what I'll do. I'll come up with something that pleases all parties but ONLY if Gomez agrees.

Stalker: If he doesn't agree he'll regret it dearly.

Ryan: Was that a threat against one of my employees?

Stalker: Not at all, Dan. Not at all...

[With that Stalker walks out of the office with a grin across his face.]

Ryan: [under his breath] Psycho….
 

DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
Joined
Sep 11, 1997
Messages
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Points
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Age
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Location
Katy, TX
EPW IC Title: Douglas vs. The Sergeant (c) - PLUS: a Tactful Debut

DT: Well, ladies and gentlemen… we’re moments away from the Intercontinental Title bout.

MN: OH, CRAP!! I left my list of Megatron jokes on the nightstand in my hotel room! Man, I had some GOOD ones!

DM: Here, Mike… you can look off my list.

MN: Dang, Dean, thanks!

DM: Your welcome. We need somebody babbling incoherently while we call the action, after all.

DT: The story behind this match goes back to Aggression 32, not far from here in the city of Dallas. It was on that night that the Sergeant ended a MONSTER title reign by becoming the Intercontinental Champion in beating the “The Dragon” Karl Brown. Some would say that the Sergeant won by unjust means in using a chair against his opponent, though some would argue that he was only evening the odds…

MN: Hey, chair shots are the way to go. I’m glad Sarge got that through his head. He has real promise, you know? Can you see a reign of him just bashing people’s heads in?

DM: I hope I NEVER have to see that.

DT: Troy Douglas was also involved in the match on that fateful evening when the Sergeant walked out of the building with the title. But, regardless of his defeat, Troy Douglas STILL laid down the challenge for the title!

MN: Let it be known, that Troy Douglas ALWAYS shoots his wad in the end.

DM: …while Mike doesn’t quite have a pleasant way of saying it, many would agree with him. Troy Douglas has been with this company for FOUR YEARS and never tasted Empire Pro gold.

DT: But tonight… that could all CHANGE!! He faces an equally determined opponent who is set to prove that he is a LEGITIMATE champion! These two have been locking horns over the past few months, and their rivalry has culminated to THIS moment… at BLACK DAWN!!

[“You Known My Name” by Chris Cornell hits the PA, and the crowd POPS WILDLY!! Troy Douglas’ video package plays on the VERY LARGE screens as the arena flashes in lights of blue and red!]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen… the following contest is set for one fall, and for the EMPIRE PRO INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP!! Introducing first, the challenger… from Greensboro, North Carolina… he weighs in 260 pounds… HE IS… TTRROOOOYYY DDOOOUUUGGLAASSS!!

[Three CANNON BLASTS ring through the air as fireworks LIGHT UP the stage and the song cuts to its chorus! Troy Douglas BOUNDS of the entry-way to a HUGE ovation, slapping hands with the fans during his extended walk to the ring.]

DT: Troy Douglas is HERE, and he looks READY for this match!

MN: Yeah… strange how no matter how many times he gets knocked off his cloud, he puts himself back on it every single time.

DM: You can’t look at it so pessimistically, Mike. Troy Douglas has had a number of trials throughout both his LIFE and his CAREER… and in spite of them all, he sticks to the game, puts his best effort forward, and STILL gets this crowd of TENS of THOUSANDS to their feet by just walking to the ring!

DT: Troy Douglas is looking to take that a step FURTHER by picking up a win here tonight, and earning his place in Empire Pro history. But he’s got a hell of a man to go through to get there…

[The arena lights cut to black as Troy Douglas is standing in the ring. “We Right Here” by DMX hits the PA, and the crowd POPS!! The Sergeant’s usual video package begins to play as green and yellow “camo” lights flicker through the arena.]

TF: And his opponent… from Springfield, Missouri… he weighs in at 201 pounds, and represents the UNITED STATES MILITARY FORCES!! He is the EPW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION!! Please welcome… THEEE SSEEEERRRRGGGEEEAAAANNNTTTT!!!

[HUGE pyros explode across the stage as SARGE charges out onto the rampway, playing up to the SCREAMING fans surrounding him!! To a HUGE ovation, he makes his way to the ring, eyes focused on the challenger standing between the ropes. Douglas watches his arrival and entrance to the ring. Sarge takes a moment to go to various corners and hold up his title for a WAVE of flickering lights from flash photography, until he hands the belt over and goes over to his corner to stretch. The referee holds the title into the air before handing it off to the timekeeper.]

DT: Both of these men have made big claims for tonight… and we’ll see WHICH of the two of them can back up their words!!

MN: Five bucks Megatron eats it in the first ten minutes.

DM: I’ll see that. I have a hunch Douglas will find some success now that Michael Bay’s hitting it big with Transformers.

DT: The referee rings the bell, and the battle for the Intercontinental Title begins NOW!! Douglas and the Sergeant advancing toward each other… and there’s the tie-up!

DM: Douglas slaps on a quick arm wrench… but Sarge just follows through and reverses, flipping Douglas onto his back! The champion slaps on a headlock to maintain control!

DT: Keep your eye on Douglas now… here he comes with a Back Suplex—OH WAIT, the Sergeant lands on his feet, reverses with a Full-Nelson hold! And now Douglas pitches his weight forward, sending Sarge up and over… but Sarge lands SAFELY on his feet!

DM: Good use of reversals we’re seeing. Both of these men are well-trained wrestlers, so I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw some good back and forth action on the mat.

MN: Oh geez… I’m gonna read this magazine. Tell me when it gets interesting.

DM: Watch, Mike. You might LEARN something.

DT: I wouldn’t hold out on that, Dean… both men with a brief moment to regain themselves as they watch each other closely… and there’s the tie-up once again! Sarge, looking for something… but Douglas sinks his hands behind his head and puts him right in a clinch! And there’s the KNEE right below the jaw for added effect!

DM: A SECOND knee! The champion’s in a precarious situation now… and Douglas, again—NO!! Sarge catches the leg before Douglas could land another strike, and the champion PUTS HIM to the mat!

DT: Textbook ground and pound now… Sarge laying a series of FISTS into the face of the challenger… but Douglas wraps his legs around his middle, and puts the champion’s head under his arm! Oh man, he’s got him locked into a GUILLOTINE CHOKEHOLD!!

MN: Am I watching EPW or UFC?!

DM: Sarge tags the ropes and saves himself from yet another sticky situation. Douglas is really presenting the challenge tonight.

DT: But the Sergeant has barely begun his work.

MN: Yeah, wait until he grabs a chair. Screw your chokeholds and take-downs and Go-Go-Gadget-Platas or what have you…

DT: Both men on their feet again… there’s the lock up!! Douglas with a different advance, gets the Sergeant trapped with a double standing underhooks… and TAKES HIM to the mat once again! Oh no, WAIT!! Sarge rolls THROUGH and ends up on top!

DM: And the champion sinks in a FUJIWARA ARMBAR!! We’ve seen a couple submission holds thus far, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the match we could expect to see!

DT: Douglas not near any ropes, but seems to have his armed positioned in a way where Sarge can’t get the maximum effect on the hold… and now it’s Douglas getting to his feet, trying to shake the Sergeant off! There’s a PUNCH to the face of the champion… and ANOTHER, and Sarge releases the hold!

DM: Both men scrambling to their feet… Douglas up first, and goes for a lariat—DUCKED by Sarge, who reaches back and nails a NECKBREAKER!!

DT: And just like that, the Intercontinental Champion takes control of this match! Here’s the first cover for the night!

One!
Two!
And a kickout by Douglas. May be a little to soon for that.

DM: Regardless, the Sergeant is going to keep the pressure going. Douglas back up, but not for long as Sarge puts him down with a scoop slam. Sarge off the ropes… into the air, and INTO THE STERNUM of Troy Douglas with all four knuckles from that jumping fist drop!

DT: Sarge with another cover!

One!
Two!
Another kickout from Troy Douglas, who shows he still has a long way to go before he can be put down!

MN: Not that it matters how long it takes. Douglas ALWAYS goes down…

DT: That may change tonight, Mike… but the Sergeant will do anything to see that title remains around his waist! He waits for Douglas to come to his feet, and comes running in for a clothesline… but Douglas DUCKS, and reverses with a BACKSLIDE PIN!!

ONE!
TWO!
THR—OH, that was close! Troy Douglas nearly stole the title right there.

DM: But the champion is no fool, and doesn’t like being MADE into a fool! Douglas up, but the champion meets him with a standing dropkick to put him down again! Now he’s going for the leg, slapping on a Side Leglock on the prone Troy Douglas before he can make a move!

DT: Douglas, feeling the pain, but denies the referee’s request to tap out. The Sarge keeps the hold locked in for a few more moments to work that leg… and finally releases! Still has a grip on that leg as he flips Douglas over onto his belly… lifts him by the ankle HIGH INTO THE AIR… and DRIVES down on that knee!! He seems to be focusing a lot on his opponent’s mobility!

DM: Not a bad idea. Troy Douglas already has a bit of a weight and power advantage, so slowing him down would be an effective offense. Now the Sergeant keeps the heat on, taking that leg and wrapping it into a Single Crab! Held a bit low to focus more on the knee than the back!

DT: Troy Douglas is REALLY hurting now! You can just SEE the pain in face, fans, as he reaches for the ropes but is kept in place by the champion! Douglas has to escape… but the Sergeant finally releases the hold, much to his mercy!

MN: Are you kidding? He’s a SERGEANT!! They know no mercy! He’s gonna drop him and DEMAND he gives fifty without breaking a sweat!

DM: But the champ is only going to give him a half second to rub that sore leg as he brings him to his feet again! Now the Sarge has his arms around his leg… lifts him up for a KNEE CRUSHER—NO!!

DT: Douglas kicked his leg FREE, and COUNTERS with a bulldog! Excellent quick thinking on the part of the challenger.

MN: To think if he’d done that some time ago, he wouldn’t have waited four years to get a taste of gold.

DT: Can it, Mike. Douglas with an advantage now as he positions himself across the Sergeant’s back… props his arms over his knees, and locks in a CAMEL CLUTCH!! Now THERE’S a move you hardly see anymore!

DM: Amen to that, Dave… although I’m not sure if Douglas has enough size and strength to really put that into full effect. Sarge is resisting the tap out, but at least Douglas is taking away a good chunk of his stamina!

DT: Finally, Troy Douglas releases the hold. What’s he doing now? Douglas wrapping the champion’s legs around his own… grabs ahold of both arms, and—PULLS BACK for the Mexican Surfboard! WOW, the challenger is REALLY showing his prowess in submission moves tonight! Could he be looking for the tapout?!

MN: Apparently not TOO much prowess, cause I see his shoulders on the mat…

DT: Oh, quick eye, Mike! The referee making the count!

One!
Two!
And Douglas breaks the hold before facing an unceremonious defeat! But the damage is already done.

DM: Both men back up… and Douglas with arm drag, puts Sarge back on his mat! Now he slaps on an armbar!

DT: Man, the Sarge is really feeling the pressure from the challenger! It’s as though Troy Douglas was in there saying, “Two can play at this game!” But wait… now it’s the Sergeant getting back to his feet! This capacity crowd is RALLYING behind the Intercontinental Champion as he works his way off the mat…

MN: These saps sure like their cheater champions, huh?

DM: Here’s Sarge with a shot to Douglas’ ribs with his free arm… and Douglas releases the hold before he can take any more damage! Sarge meets him with a CHOP across the chest to reel him back… sends himself into the ropes… here’s Douglas with a clothesline attempt, but Sarge COUNTERS with a CRUCIFIX PIN—

DT: OH NO, turned into a SAMOAN DROP from the challenger!! Douglas quickly derailed the champion’s plans to make a comeback, which is just what he’ll need to do if he hopes to walk out of here with that title.

MN: Or go the way the guy before him did: just beat his brains in with a chair.

DT: You know that’s not going to happen, Mike… but nevermind that, perhaps Troy Douglas can win NOW as he makes the cover!

One!

Two!

NO!! A strong kickout from the Sergeant, who proves he still has a little left in the tank!

DM: Things are getting drastic now in that ring. We can see it’s beginning to move out of the technical wrestling contest from earlier, as Troy Douglas uses his strength advantage to keep the Sergeant at bay. He’s still tending to that leg the champion worked on earlier, but he seems to be ignoring the pain while he continues to work.

DT: Douglas, now, bringing Sarge to his feet… there’s the Irish Whip to the corner! Douglas coming in for a STINGER SPLASH—and Sarge DODGES at the last moment, causing Troy Douglas to EAT the top turnbuckle like Rosanne Bar into a butterball turkey!

MN: Interesting image, Dave… are you looking off my notes?

DM: Costly error for Troy Douglas as the Sergeant recuperates and grabs him from behind… the champ, looking for a GERMAN SUPLEX—but CAN’T get Douglas over! Troy got his leg in the ropes…

DT: Sarge doesn’t break the hold… and Douglas BLASTS him off with an ACE CUTTER out of nowhere!! The champion’s LIGHTS just went out with that one, and here’s Douglas with the cover!

ONE!

TWO!

NO!! A kickout from the Sergeant!

DM: Troy Douglas is really wearing the champion down now. Sarge looking groggy, but Douglas forces him to his feet… hooks him around the head… lifts him UP, AND A BRAINBUSTER follows!!

MN: I guess the Sarge will forever be known as the only serviceman to be shell-shocked without ever actually having been in the dirt.

DT: I’d watch my mouth, if I was you. Then again, if I was you, I’d also likely cry myself to sleep every night…

MN: …dang, how’d you know I did that?

DT: Ugh, nevermind… back to the ring, where Douglas hoping to pick up the win here!

One!

Two!

NO!! The Sarge will NOT let himself be beaten!

DM: Douglas is still in control, though. He can’t let himself get impatient at this point. Now he has the champion to his feet again, and there’s the whip to the ropes. Douglas looking for the Back Body Drop, but goes too soon—and SARGE, with a DRILLING DDT, puts Douglas to the mat!

DT: OH MY!! We’ve got both men lying prone on the mat, and this capacity crowd is going WILD for the both of them as the referee begins the ten count!

One…

Two…

Three…

Four…

Looks like the Intercontinental Champion will be the first one on his feet… but now we’re seeing signs of life in Troy Douglas!

Seven…

DM: And now it’s SARGE up… And here’s DOUGLAS with him! Here we GO!!

DT: SARGE with a shot to the face… and Douglas FIRES BACK!! The Sergeant with ANOTHER big strike, and Douglas returns!! SERGEANT… DOUGLAS… SERGEANT… DOUGLAS… SERGEANT… SERGEANT… SERGEANT… and the CHAMPION beginning to get some steam as he PUMMELS Troy Douglas to the ropes!

MN: Looks like Douglas is entering “blow-it” mode once again!

DM: There’s Sarge with the whip to the other ropes… but Douglas reverses! Sarge rebounds… runs straight into a Douglas SPINEBUSTER—NO!! Ear-clap from the champion… who counters with a NECKBREAKER, and the fans just POP to their feet!

DT: What a COMEBACK by the champion, Sarge!! He quickly goes for the cover!

ONE!

TWO!!

NO!! A kickout by Troy Douglas!! How much does the champion have to dish out to put down this determined-as-hell challenger?

MN: Eh… the secret’s usually in holding out long enough for that challenger to blow his chance.

DT: Even if that WERE true, Mike—which I know it ISN’T—how long would that be? The Sergeant maintaining control… brings Troy Douglas to his feet, and now it’s HIS turn to unleash the punishing maneuvers! He hooks Douglas by the face… hooks the leg as he lifts him up, and BRIDGES with a Fisherman Suplex!!

ONE!

TWO!!

NO!! Another kickout from the challenger, who refuses to go down without a fight.

DM: Sarge needs to up the ante a bit to put this guy away… and it looks like he’s just now realizing that as he brings Douglas back off the mat and leads him to the ropes. What’s he got planned? Standing-legscissor… into a POWERBOMB!?

DT: SARGE, looking to send TROY DOUGLAS to the outside like he did at Russian Roulette… NO!! Douglas grabs the ROPES, and Sarge goes TOPPLING WITH HIM as both men TUMBLE VIOLENTLY to the outside! MY GOD, what a nasty spill!!

MN: Somebody get the cleaning crew out here to wipe that sweat off the mat in front of us… cause these guys STINK!!

DM: That’s the smell of the sport, Mike! The smell I love!

MN: Yeah, I bet.

DM: …shut up, Mike.

DT: Douglas back on his feet… takes Sarge by the head and DRIVES HIM right into the corner of the apron… and DRAGS HIM a few feet for extra measure! That just left a big rub mark across the forehead of the Intercontinental Champion! This match is getting BRUTAL now!

DM: Douglas taking the beaten champ by the arm… looking to WHIP HIM to the steel post—but Sarge STOPS HIM in his tracks… yanks Douglas back, and lifts him onto his SHOULDERS—OH MAN, OLYMPIC SLAM INTO THE RINGPOST!!

DT: WOW!! He could’ve broken Troy Douglas’ SPINE with that move!!

MN: Silly Dave… Megatron has no spine!

DT: Sarge just ended Douglas’ attempt to regain control with that quick reversal… and he slips into the ring only briefly to end the referee’s count at seven. Douglas is feeling the pain in his back, and that may prove to be a factor if the Sergeant is able to lock in the CORRECTIVE TRAINING!!

DM: But for now, he continues to chip away at the challenger… Sarge takes him by the arm and gets him to his feet… and just WHIPS HIM straight into the steel barricade at ringside!! Still managing to work on that back, Dave! Good observation!

DT: Douglas trying to get to his feet… and a CLOTHESLINE from the Sergeant knocks him RIGHT OVER THE BARRICADE and into the RINGSIDE SEATS!! Looks like those fans who shelled out the extra dough to get that ringside experience are REALLY getting their money’s worth now!

DM: There’s the Sergeant into the ring to break the count… now wait, he STAYS in the ring? Looking for a count-out win? No wait… the Sergeant running to the ROPES as Douglas gets to his feet… here comes THE SERGEANT—

DT: OH GOD IN HEAVEN, DID YOU SEE THAT!!

DM: I SURE DID, Dave! The Sergeant just went OVER THE ROPES with that Suicide Dive, and CLEARED THE FREAKING BARRICADE… CRASHING into Troy Douglas before he could so much as look up and see what was coming at him!

MN: Yeah, Dave, those fans are REALLY getting the ringside experience with two sweaty guys lying on top of them!

DT: Both competitors are now lying in a heap in the first three rows… and now it seems that the champion is finally coming back to his senses! He’s going back over the barricade to the ring, and bringing Douglas with him! Looks like he’s taking this fight back to the ring!

MN: No, you idiot! There are chairs ALL OVER THE PLACE out there!

DM: Douglas is rolled back into the ring… and Sarge follows as the ref gets to the count of eight. The champion has Douglas right where he wants him now! After the payoff from that high-risk maneuver we just witnessed, I’d say he’s ready to put this one away!

DT: Here’s Sarge with an Irish Whip to the corner, and Douglas connects HARD! Sarge charges in after him… DENIED!! Douglas got the elbow up! The challenger with an opportunity to turn things around… he boosts himself to the TOP ROPE as the Sergeant reels back… this could be something BIG!!

DM: Here comes Douglas with a DIVING SPEAR OFF THE TOP ROPE—OH NOOO!! Met with a SUPERKICK from Sarge while he was mid-flight!!

MN: HA HA HA!! Man, that’s so predictable…

DT: That looked like it could have knocked Troy Douglas’ incisors clear down the back of his throat… and following THAT punishing counter, Sarge makes the cover!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE—NO!! Douglas got the shoulder up in the nick of time!

DM: Douglas is really in dire straits right now. The Sergeant just WILL NOT give him an opportunity to make a comeback…

DT: The Sergeant, now, bringing Douglas back to his feet… but Douglas fires back with a RIGHT HAND to the mid-section! There’s ANOTHER! This may be that comeback you were talking about, Dean!

DM: Just watch how the champion handles himself in this situation…

DT: Douglas pops to his feet and hits the ropes… comes back with a LARIAT—but SARGE just hooks him by the arm, and goes looking for a BACKSLIDE—NO WAIT!! Douglas REVERSES… powers Sarge around into a STANDING HEADSCISSOR—AND GOES STRAIGHT INTO A TIGER DRIVER!! OH WOW!!

DM: Now THAT was EXACTLY what Troy Douglas needed to stay in this match! Wait, he’s keeping the hold locked in… lifting the Sergeant up for a SECOND TIGER DRIVER!! Man, that just DRILLED HIM!!

DT: Troy Douglas, showing he can take whatever the champion gives him… and now he has Sarge in the prawn hold for the pin!

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE—OH, AND SARGE just BARELY gets that shoulder up before the count of three!

MN: Close, but no cigar, Megatron!

DM: Man, this has just been a PUNISHING match thus far… both men may have very well reached their limits, and with Troy Douglas in control of this match, he may have enough to put the Sergeant down and strip him of his championship!

DT: After kicking out of TWO Tiger Drivers, I’d say the Sergeant could withstand quite a bit, but… what more does Troy Douglas have in mind as he brings Sarge back to his feet? Douglas takes Sarge from behind… and a REVERSE DDT just FLATTENS the champion on the mat! Douglas leaves behind the cover, and goes to the turnbuckle!

DM: Looks like Troy Douglas is looking for his OWN high-risk maneuver here! Douglas firmly placed on the top rope, and the Sergeant is laid out before him! Is this going to PAY OFF?!

MN: Bet Sarge really wishes he had that chair NOW…

DT: Here’s Douglas from the top rope… with a SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!

OH GAWD, HE NAILED IT!! RIGHT ACROSS THE RIBS OF THE SERGEANT!!

HERE’S THE COVER!!




ONE!!!




TWO!!!




WE HAVE A NEW—OH NO, SARGE KICKED OUT!!!

DM: WOW… talk about a close call for the champion! He was NANOSECONDS from losing his title to Troy Douglas!

MN: Alas, the powers that be stepped in and prevented the impossibility of Megatron EVER holding Empire Pro gold.

DT: Troy Douglas is moments away from becoming the Intercontinental Champion. All he must do now is put that EXTRA BIT forward to keep the Sergeant on the mat for good. Perhaps he’s prepared to go that extra distance NOW, as he brings the champion to his feet and leads him to the corner!! Could this be THE END OF THE ROAD!?

DM: IT MAY BE, Dave! Troy Douglas props himself onto the second rope and has the arms underhooked… HERE’S THE LIFTOFF…!!

DT: AND THE DESCENT!! END OF THE ROAD, like poetry in motion, and TROY DOUGLAS is just THREE COUNTS away from ending the journey that began FOUR YEARS ago!! Douglas PINNING THE SHOULDERS…




ONE!!






TWO!!!




THREEEE!!!

DM: NOOOO!!!

DT: WHAT?!

DM: The referee STOPPED right before the count of three… yes, that’s it, THE SERGEANT’S FOOT IS ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!!

DT: Oh man… I couldn’t see from that last camera angle.

MN: I saw it just fine, Thomas. Well, I can’t say I really SAW it, but rather expected it…

DM: HOW?!

MN: Cause it’s freakin’ MEGATRON!!

DT: Regardless… Troy Douglas in absolute SHOCK over the Sergeant’s survival of that BRUTAL Second-Rope Double-Underhook Piledriver! I don’t know if the champion managed to put his foot up in time or if it just FELL there on a fluke… but the Sergeant stays in this match for just a bit longer!

DM: Probably won’t be for much longer with Douglas controlling the match the way he has been…

DT: Every second counts in that ring… but perhaps you’re right in saying that time is quickly running out for the Intercontinental Champion as Troy Douglas drags him by the legs to the center of the ring! It’s Douglas, now, setting up for the SCORPION DEATHLOCK—NO WAIT!! Sarge reaches up and grabs him by the head—and ROLLS HIM OVER with a SMALL PACKAGE!!


ONE!!!




TWO!!!




THREE!! OH WAIT, NO!! Douglas BARELY kicks out!

DM: In spite of ALL he’s been through, the Sarge shows that he’s still capable of surprises! Douglas back on his feet while Sarge recovers… and comes SPRINGING at him with a clothesline—and Douglas EASILY dodges it!!

DT: Douglas has the Sergeant by the arm, and hooks him from behind… Pump-Handle Lift—NO!! Sarge falls down his back, and sinks in the CORRECTIVE TRAINING!! THE CHAMPION HAS DONE IT!!

MN: IT’S OVER!! And he didn’t even NEED the chair this time!

DM: Sarge has that Dragon Sleeper locked in… but look, Dave, he doesn’t have the leg-scissor applied!

DT: Why… you’re RIGHT, Dean! From here, it looks as though Douglas has his legs wrapped around the Sergeant’s right leg, thus PREVENTING him from locking in that leg-scissor hold!

DM: If Sarge can’t lock those legs around Douglas’ hips and SQUEEZE the life out of him, as is the purpose of that maneuver, then it’s all the better for his opponent! We can see now as the Sergeant struggles to keep Douglas in the middle of the ring, but Douglas is using that extra mobility that he wouldn’t normally have in the leg-scissor to drag himself to the ropes!

DT: What INCREDIBLE submission defense on the part of Troy Douglas, who would be in a VERY bad situation now if he were fully locked in the Corrective Training! Douglas only feet away from the nearest set of ropes now, as the Sarge FRANTICALLY tries to free his leg, but he can’t do so without loosening his grip around Douglas’ face!

DM: Here’s Douglas reaching with his legs… MISSED, but only by a couple inches… reaching AGAIN… OOHH, he’s SOOOO CLOSE…

DT: …THERE!! HE TAGGED THE ROPES WITH HIS FOOT!! The referee ORDERS the break, and Troy Douglas SURVIVES!! What a HUGE ovation from the fans as this match continues!! But though this match continues for their enjoyment, the disappointment is OBVIOUS in the face of the Sergeant.

MN: Yep… shoulda done the chair bit.

DM: Nevertheless, the champion must continue this match, for the fate of his reign. Now he begins to bring Douglas back to his feet… but Douglas fires back with a shot to his abdomen as he comes up the rest of the way! Douglas fires another jab—but Sarge BLOCKS, and counters with one of his own!

DT: And there’s DOUGLAS with a shot to the face! And SARGE answers in kind! DOUGLAS… SARGE… DOUGLAS… SARGE… both men going BACK AND FORTH in the center of the ring while these fans ROAR WILDLY around them!!

DM: Good thing we don’t have the retractable roof over our heads, otherwise it’d be BLOWN OFF by this capacity crowd!!

DT: There’s DOUGLAS with a heavy hook that sends the Sergeant into the ropes… Douglas with a BACKHAND—but it’s DUCKED by Sarge! Sarge from behind—

CORRECTIVE TRAINING!!

HE LOCKED IT IN A SECOND TIME, with the LEG-SCISSOR TO GO WITH!!

DM: Oh man, THIS IS IT!! The champion HAS DOUGLAS ON THE MAT and there’s nowhere for him to go! No mobility, no traction… NOTHING!! All Troy Douglas can do now is FIGHT THE PAIN to his best!!

MN: Even then, it’s only a matter of time before he CRACKS like he always does!!

DT: Sarge putting the STRAIN on that Dragon Sleeper, and Troy Douglas is SCREAMING in absolute agony!! He HAS to tap!! There’s no other choice!!

DM: Douglas reaching out, and the ref’s asking him…

DT: Is this it??

…Douglas extending the arm…

…and WAVES OFF THE REF!!

MN: HE TAPPED!! HE TAPPED!!

DM: NO, Mike, you dummy! He was REFUSING to tap, since he can’t muster the VOCAL POWER to do it right now!!

DT: What COURAGE from Troy Douglas, but really, what CHANCE does he have at this point?

DM: None at all, Dave. Douglas can hold out for as long as he wants, but eventually, that PAIN will catch up to him… or the Sergeant will STRETCH him to the point of his back breaking, possibly ENDING his career!

DT: Oh man, is that WORTH IT ALL?! I mean, I know Troy Douglas has worked SO HARD for this opportunity and waited SO LONG for his chance to shine, but is it WORTH THE RISK of losing his career?!



…wait a second… am I seeing things?

DM: I don’t think so, Dave… it looks like…

…YES… Troy Douglas is trying to BREAK FREE from that hold!!

MN: WHAT?! Man, no WONDER the Decepticons lost!

DT: Troy Douglas is DESPERATELY trying to squirm his way into a sideways position to keep the effect of that HOLD off of his spine! He’s got himself turned part ways, but the Sarge seems to know EXACTLY what he has in mind, and is trying to keep him in place!

DM: Oh no, this could be BAD for the champion! What can he do if Troy Douglas breaks FREE from this decisive submission hold?!

MN: Probably be left on head-cleaning duty for a few months…

DT: Douglas STILL working his way into a side position… and now he’s regaining the mobility of his legs on the mat!! Douglas PUSHING with his feet buried into the mat… and now SARGE has to rise to one leg to keep him in place… now BOTH legs!! My God, I can’t believe what I’m seeing… TROY DOUGLAS is GETTING TO HIS FEET while still trapped in the CORRECTIVE TRAINING!!

DM: The Sergeant is now CLINGING to the side of Troy Douglas, trying to reapply that Dragon Sleeper… but Douglas has ahold of his leg—and just POWERSLAMS THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION TO THE MAT!!

Crowd: PAWP~!!!!!!!

MN: Oh shoot, there went my hearing…

DT: TROY DOUGLAS HAS DONE IT!! TROY DOUGLAS HAS FREED HIMSELF FROM THE CORRECTIVE TRAINING!! But man oh man, what CONDITION is he left in!

DM: He was in that hold for a solid few minutes, Dave… and he is showing CLEAR signs of pain! I’m not sure if his back is in that good of condition… and if he wants that title, he needs to end this match NOW!!

MN: What??

DT: Douglas is very PAINFULLY coming to his feet and taking the wearing Sergeant by the legs… looking for a SCORPION DEATHLOCK—NO!! Sarge BOOTS HIM AWAY—and Douglas BUTTS HEADS with the REFEREE!!

DM: OH MAN!! The zebra is OUT like a light, and now Sarge pops back to his feet… here comes a stunned Troy Douglas, and—SARGE DROPS HIM WITH A DOUBLE-KNEE CHINBUSTER!! GOOD NIGHT!!!

MN: What??

DT: That desperate act just KNOCKED Troy Douglas’ lights out… but now as the Sarge recovers and comes to his feet, he sees the referee incapacitated! He must be thinking to himself right now, “What will it TAKE to put this man down?”

DM: I think he has an IDEA, Dave…

DT: Wait a minute… the Sergeant going to the OUTSIDE!! Where is he going… oh my God, no, Sarge just grabbed a CHAIR!!

MN: ALRIGHT!! I KNEW he’d come to his senses! This is the ONLY way he can win this match, and he knows it!

DT: Damnit, Mike, I don’t care WHAT this looks like, Sarge is NOT that kind of man!

MN: What?? I still can’t hear you guys…

DM: Shouldn’t have applied so much mousse this evening, Mike…

MN: What??

DM: I said, I SLEPT WITH YOUR WIFE!!

MN: What??

DM: BUT THAT’S A LIE, CAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE A WIFE, BECAUSE YOU’RE A DRUNK, PATHETIC LOSER!!

MN: WHAT??

DT: BACK TO THE MATCH, guys!! Sarge is TAKING THAT CHAIR into the ring as Troy Douglas shakes the cobwebs out of his head and regains his senses! No, Sarge, NOT LIKE THIS!!

DM: I think he means it, Dave! Sarge waiting in the corner with that chair held and ready to strike! He’s waiting for Douglas to come to his feet… but is he sure he wants to do it this way?

DT: I don’t know, Dean-O… Sarge looks… confused now, as he looks from Douglas to the chair to the fans in the audience. What could POSSBILY be going through his head right now?

DM: If he’s having second thoughts, he better make a decision FAST, because Douglas is almost up!

DT: Douglas BACK on his feet… and turns to see SARGE wielding that chair…

…and SARGE THROWS IT OUTSIDE!!

Crowd: ASPLODE~~!!!!!!

MN: WHAAAAATT??!! You IDIOT!!

DT: What a COMMENDABLE ACT on the part of the Sergeant, saying to EVERYBODY that he doesn’t need to defend his title with a chair! He’s ready to do it with his BARE HANDS!!

DM: Here comes DOUGLAS CHARGING FORWARD… and Sarge STOPS him with a boot to the gut… and drives him SHOULDER-FIRST right through the second and third ropes, and into the STEEL RING POST!!

DT: That just DESTROYED Troy Douglas… and now Sarge spends a moment to resuscitate the referee so a finish can be made. The zeeb looks a bit groggy, but… but wait, what’s Sarge doing now? Sarge pulling Douglas out, hooking both arms… going to the SECOND ROPE…

DM: The Sergeant is going to finish off Troy Douglas with HIS OWN MOVE!! HERE’S SARGE WITH THE END OF THE ROAD…

…BUT TROY DOUGLAS SANDBAGS!!

MN: What??

DM: YOUR PLUGS ARE SHOWING!!

DT: Sarge struggling… but now DOUGLAS lifts him off the ropes!! Douglas turning to the center of the ring—HIGH-ANGLE SPINEBUSTER!! The Sergeant was just OBLITERATED!!

DM: Douglas sets the leg and cross Sarge’s ankles…

…and sinks in the SCORPION DEATHLOCK!! ESS-DEE-ELL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!!

DT: THIS IS IT!! TROY DOUGLAS with the SHARPSHOOTER HOLD in the center of the ring, and the Sergeant FLAILS WILDLY in attempt to free himself, but CANNOT!! Douglas is MOMENTS AWAY from becoming the Intercontinental Champion!!

MN: WHAT?? Douglas, the Intercontinental Champion??

DM: Oh, your hearing’s back?

MN: Yeah, just popped in right when Dave was talking about freeing himself, or whatever.

DT: Guys, WOULD YOU WATCH THIS!! Sarge in a DIRE position, as Douglas pulls back on his legs and brings that extra tension down on his SPINE!! Sarge HAS to get to the ropes so the ref can break the hold!! But they’re SO far away!!

DM: He’s going to need to dig down deep if he wants to get himself across that distance… but DOES HE HAVE IT IN HIM??

DT: Sarge reaching out… and DRAGGING himself with his bare hands, even with Douglas pulling HARD against his legs to keep him in place!! The more he pushes himself forward, the more it HURTS…

…but STILL, Sarge presses forward!!

DM: I think he might MAKE IT, THOMAS!!

MN: Oh, no way! No FREAKING way!!

DT: OH YES WAY!! Sarge only FEET away now!! Douglas is fighting JUST AS HARD to keep him pinned down… but the Sergeant will NOT be denied!! The champion INCH by PAINFUL INCH advances to those ropes!! He reaches out… only INCHES AWAY!!

DM: Just once more push, and he might make it!

DT: Sarge is ALMOST THERE…

…and TROY DOUGLAS JUST DRAGS HIM BACK to the middle of the ring!!

Crowd: AAAAWWWWWW!!!

DM: Ah, man, SO CLOSE!! All that hard work and for NOTHING!!

DT: The Sergeant is facing the bitter taste of defeat as Troy Douglas cinches that submission hold in, and there is NOT HOPE for the Intercontinental Champion…

…or maybe there IS!! Can it BE?!

…YES!! SARGE IS INCHING HIS WAY TO THE ROPES AGAIN!!

DM: Man, talk about DETERMINATION!! Look at that man’s FACE!! It’s just beet red, drenched in sweat, veins popping out all over the place…

MN: Like he’s crapping himself, or something.

DT: Can it, Mike! To IMAGINE that he still REFUSES to tap… and he CONTINUES to fight for his survival…THAT is the motivation of ANY dedicated champion!!

DM: The Intercontinental Title is ON THE LINE as Sarge gives his ALL into reaching those ropes!! Douglas PRYING BACK on those legs… trying like HELL to force in that extra bit more to send Sarge off the edge and force him to TAP!! But Sarge CONTINUES to press on to the ropes!!

DT: His face is an absolute MASK of pain right now!! But freedom is in SIGHT!! Only a foot away from the ropes now…

…a HAND’S LENGTH away…

…the Sergeant EXTENDS HIS HAND—






…AND IT GOES LIMP!! SARGE PASSED OUT!! HE PASSED OUT FROM THE PAIN!!

DM: MY GOD, DOUGLAS HAS DONE IT!!

Crowd: RRRROOOOAAAARRRR!!!!

MN: Oh crap, there went my hearing again…

SFX: DING! DING! DING!!

[“You Know My Name” fills the open arena as the audience EXPLODES!! Troy Douglas releases the hold at last, collapsing to the mat in absolute exhaustion, not stirring until the referee checks on him. Douglas suddenly bounds to his feet and jumps nearly FIVE FEET IN THE AIR as he beats his fist against his chest and ROARS TRIUMPHANTLY back to the audience!!]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen… here is your winner, by submission…

…and NEW EMPIRE PRO INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION…


TTTRROOOOOYYYYY DDDOOOOOOUUUUGGLLLAAAAASSSS!!!!

[Fireworks POP momentarily over the ring as the referee hands the Intercontinental Title to Troy Douglas who takes it in his hands with tears running down his eyes, and holds it up for the crowd to see. Other ring officials, meanwhile, come to the ring to tend to the Sergeant, who is just now being woken up again and comes to discover the result.]

DT: A tragic end for a promising champion in the Sergeant… but a DRAMATIC and EMOTIONAL victory for the man standing tall in the ring, TROY DOUGLAS!! After FOUR YEARS of trying to make his mark in Empire Pro, Douglas FINALLY puts his name in the history books with his hard-fought victory tonight!!

DM: Sarge put up a good fight, but Douglas was NOT going to let himself be denied tonight! He earned that title, every step of the way!

MN: Bah… I bet Sarge is really kicking himself right now for not using that CHAIR when he could have!

DT: On the contrary, Mike… I believe Sarge knew he was doing the RIGHT thing when he threw that chair out of the ring. It wouldn’t be worth holding that belt if he knew he had it through the WRONG MEANS!!

MN: I should call Joey Melton to the ring right now and *****SLAP you for even thinking that…

[Officials lead the Sergeant from the ring as Troy Douglas continues to celebrate in the ring. Before the former champion disappears through the entry-way, his tear-filled eyes turn back to the man who defeated him in the ring. The former opponents share a long look at each other before Sarge quietly salutes the victory and leaves. Douglas straps the IC belt around his waist and perches himself onto a turnbuckle, posing for the audience.]

DT: Ladies and gentlemen, this has been a HIGHLY MAGICAL evening! We’ve seen TWO titles change hands, and the MAIN EVENT is still to come! BLACK DAWN continues right after………………..

[CUEUP: "Pieces" by Hoobastank. The crowd looks around, unsure of what's going on, given the unfamiliar music. The Sergeant stops in his tracks, medical personnel holding him upright as he stares at the curtain. Within a few seconds, they get their answer at the top of the stage, as LARRY TACT emerges from the gateway, decked out in a black leather coat, brown pants, and a black collared shirt. As he surveys the scene before him, the crowd responds with a loud and lively reaction at the sight of Tact, who gives a smirk before raising his hands and clapping. He then produces a mic from a pocket of his coat.]

TACT: "Bravo.. bravo. I must give credit, that was a match worthy of Black Dawn, from Houston, Texas!!!"

[SFX: Crowd pops.]

"I wouldn't expect anything less of EPW wrestlers but to put on a competitive contest, what with one of its Championships at stake. And that's partly why I decided to come watch tonight. I enjoy those competitive highs, risking hitting those bottom lows if you fall short, and doing it on several fronts. But it's been a while since I've gotten around to that last one."

"Since WrestleSTOCK, I came to terms with the fact that I'd been in something of a hybernation period. While I was doing my thing here and there, it wasn't quite enough. At WrestleSTOCK, I watched the wrestlers of EPW shine, and afterwards I realized that I just... wanted... more. In this business, you have to strike while you're still able to, while you have that burning desire. And right now, there's no reason I shouldn't be."

[He begins walking towards the ring.]

"In fact, I could have come in here, tonight, and gone right after The Sergeant and Troy Douglas. You might not know much of me, but I've heard and seen enough about the two of you to know... I could have gone in there, tonight, and walked out Empire Pro... Intercontinental... Champion."

[The crowd gives a mixed reaction at this. Tact stops midway to the ring.]

"That isn't, however, to say I don't recognize the level of the EPW Intercontinental Championship, or its top contender slot. I can absolutely respect the prestige of that Championship, what with such Champions as Karl Brown in its history. I mean no harm to what that title has and continues to symbolize. It's one worth competing for, and holding."

"I just don't respect you, Sergeant."

"And Troy Douglas? One of the all-time hot and cold wrestlers. All the great potential, all the people who want to crown you a future star... but that 'future' seems to keep being pushed back. It's a future perpetually out of reach for you. Well I don't wait around for my great future to drop in my lap, or go chasing after it like a horse for a carrot. I find what I want in my future, grab it by the damn horns, and make it happen. And more often than not, I'm just that good at what I do that it works out."

"I'd show you both that very fact, firsthand, tonight... but while Houston is a nice place for you two to put on your performance... it's simply not quite good enough for the site of Larry Tact's debut in an EPW ring."

[The crowd gives him hell for this as he backs up the ramp, looking smugly around.]

"In fact, I think anywhere else would be more suitable. Which is why... next Aggression... you can all turn on your televisions and watch, because maybe then Larry Tact will grace an EPW ring."

"Either way, it's gonna bode poorly for EPW wrestlers. Because the time for Larry Tact to strike new ground is on the horizon... and the bar... it's about to be raised again."

[CUEUP: "Pieces" by Hoobastank, as Tact raises a fist toward the ring.]
 

DBrunkGXW

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This Segment is a Dog

The opening guitar harmonics of Saliva's "Ladies and Gentlemen" ring througout the arena.

DT: Looks like Beast has got something on his mind, folks, although, with everything that's been going down over the past few months, I'd make that a pretty easy guess.

MN: Aww, here we go again. Isn't it bad enough I have to see him in TWO promotions, and now he gets extra mic time?

TF: Ladies and gentlement, it is my pleasure to introduce at this time... the former EPW World Heavyweight Champion.... BEAST!

Beast appears at center stage and waits for a few moments, taking in the cheers of the crowd. He then proceeds to the ring amidst a flurry of moving red
and white spotlights, before climbing into the ring. Beast walks over and grabs the microphone from Fatora.


Beast: It's about time. It's about GOT-DAMNED TIME!

There's a revolution in the air, folks, and one that Dan Ryan doesn't want you to know about. No, Ryan is content to sweep everything under the rug. He'll do whatever it takes to mess with me, with Irishred, with anyone associated with A1E, but when it comes time for anyone to rise up and challenge him, it all gets swept under the rug with the efficiency of an old-school Chicago mafia hit. Like what happened in my match earlier tonight. Two men going at it and putting on a show for the FANS…and he sends his goons down to make a mockery of it.

"I'll throw a bunch of money at you to shut up and not get involved. Defy me, and well, ya get whacked."

I guess it was enough for some people. People I thought wanted to do the right things in this business. People like JA, and Troy Douglas, who have about as much love for Dan Ryan as Mike Neely does for vegetables. Those were people that I thought - that *A1E* thought - would have our backs through all of this. but when it came time to pony up, their spines turned into powder and they wilted and shied away like a vampire from sunlight.

But, back on the home front, it's good to know that unlike these two wankers, there's still people that can't be bought by-

But Beast is interrupted as the crowd starts yelling at Beast to look behind him, and as he does, CHRONIC COLLIZION comes out of the crowd and slides into the ring!

MN: Finally someone's here to SHUT HIM UP!

DT: Chronic Collizion hits the ring, and Beast ducks under a tandem punch attempt and hits the ropes! Beast rebounds and TAKES DOWN CHRONIC COLLIZION with a double clothesline! Beast grabs Erik Black and lands a right hand, but he's quickly VJORKED FROM BEHIND as the big Russian Dalkichev grabs Beast and TOSSES him down with a gut wrench powerbomb!

MN: I think Ivan just KILLED Beast! This is great!

DT: And there's Black to start driving boots into Beast's head, and Ivan joins him as Chronic Collizion just starts BLASTING away at Beast here!

MN: Serves him right for trying to mess with Dan Ryan!

Black and Dalkichev continue working over Beast for a few moments, then something never heard before on EPW programming RIPS through the arena over the PA.

The opening crunch of George Thoroghgood's "Bad To The Bone" plays over the PA, and it doesn't matter if you're an EPW or A1E fan, everyone in attendance is a wrestling fan, and they know exactly what that music means, and leap to their feet, TEARING the roof off of the arena.


MN: Good God, no!

DT: OHHHHHHHHHHHH MY!!! I can't believe it! HE'S HERE!! HE'S HERE!!

Former multiple time A1E World Heavyweight Champion BIG DOG steps out onto the stage, and seeing the chaos in the ring, SPRINTS down the ramp and slides into the ring! Chronic Collizion turn to face Big Dog, but he greets them continuously with alternating right hands while the announcers go APE!

DT: BIG DOG is the man that Beast was referring to as the one that could NEVER be bought! Former Tag Team Champion partner and, I guess you could say former best friend of EPW Owner Dan Ryan is HERE IN EPW to help Beast in the fight against Ryan! He's SLAGGING Chronic Collizion with right hands!

MN: Big Dog should have been smart and stayed in his own dog house! Ryan's going to GET him for this!

DT: Black drops! Dalkichev is rocked backwards! ANOTHER right hand from Big Dog sends Dalkichev reeling! ANOTHER one knocks him down! Black is back up on his feet, and HE'S sent down by a Big Dog clothesline! Beast is back up on his feet now, and he and Black start trading right hands! Dalkichev nails Big Dog with a shot of his own, but Big Dog SHRUGS IT OFF and boots Dalkichev in the guts! AND A BIG CLOTHESLINE SENDS IVAN DALKICHEV OVER THE TOP AND TO THE ARENA FLOOR! AND BEAST NAILS ONE OF HIS OWN ON BLACK, AND THERE HE GOES OVER THE TOP!!

Beast and Big Dog watch as the Chronic Collizion members are IRATE on the arena floor, and Ivan starts to head back into the ring! Big Dog and Beast motion them to bring it, but Black quickly grabs Dalkichev and whispers something to Ivan, and the big man backs down, before the two start heading to the back! Big Dog walks across the ring and grabs the mic that Beast dropped earlier at the start of the Chronic Attack!

BD: Six months ... it's been almost six months now, Dan!

Big Dog paces almost violently while he speaks.

BD: I sat back. Part of me didn't want to believe you'd actually go through with shutting down my home. MY HOME! I kept myself away from you, content to just slap around the lackeys like those two boys that just left here with their tails between their legs!

But that's just not getting the message across to you, is it Dan?

All those months that we were tag team partners, you told me there would come a day when we would be on opposite sides. But, you also told me that when that day came, I'd see the knife coming.

So much for the word of Dan Ryan!

I've had enough, Dan. No more slapping your punks around. If you want to kill a snake, you've got to chop the head off. So, I'm here, Dan. I'm here, giving you the courtesy that you never gave me. I'm coming after you, Dan. And I'm coming straight at your face.

A1E will be ready for Wargames, Dan. And you can damn sure bet that your partner ... your friend ... will be standing on the other side of that ring from you!

[Dan Ryan, without fanfare…..steps out onto the stage – and the tension in the arena goes to nuclear levels.]

MN: You two screwed the pooch this time!!

DT: Is he actually coming out to confront his former partner??? His friend??

[Ryan starts down the ramp, then seems to pause and think it over….then stops.]

Ryan: Paul – this is disappointing. But I said before that I won’t fight you, and I won’t. I’ve kept everyone working for me from touching you because I promised you that respect.

[A quick shot of Big Dog in the ring catches him rolling his eyes at the mention of respect.]

Ryan: Paul – everyone around us has run their mouths, made their threats. You’re standing in the ring with one of the biggest piles of crap this industry has ever seen…. [Loud boos] ……and you’re right. It’s high time we take care of this face to face.

[A tense moment passes as they stand in silence.]

Ryan: On the night of Vengeance – you and me. I’ll let you know the location beforehand, but I won’t let any of these people know. We’re gonna sit down and talk this out – the way we should have a long time ago – I’ll give you that respect, that you say I should have given you six months ago. We’re gonna hash this out once and for all – and one way or another, if nothing else….we’ll finally understand the other.

But as for any physicalities?? Not tonight – not ever. I’m sorry to disappoint you.

[Ryan makes no other move, save for simply turning and walking back through the curtain, leaving Big Dog staring after him as the scene fades out.]
 

DBrunkGXW

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They Pulled a Fast One

[Backstage – a very angry Dan Ryan storms the production truck and finds….nobody. He closes his eyes and smiles slightly, letting out a short chuckle.

“New crew members…..”

Another laugh….

“NEW CREW MEMBERS…”

He sighs and turns to leave. “Figures.”]
 

DBrunkGXW

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Triple Talk

[The scene opened up in front of the guerrilla position, as EPW reporter Kenny Lombardo stood, microphone raised to the mouth of EPW World Heavyweight Champion , Sean “Triple X” Stevens.

A chorus of boos ensued.]

LOMBARDO: Champ, this match has been brewing for months. You have been a constant thorn in the side of Rocko Daymon from the moment he returned to Empire Pro Wrestling. So much so, that it seems like you were the one that instigated this whole ordeal in order to get this match. It started with heated words that led to a hotly contested match-up. That match-up led to several sneak attacks, stern warnings and random acts of humiliation, which then led to allegations of a sexual relationship between you and Caitlyn Daymon, which finally leads us to here and now ... Black Dawn. Your World Heavyweight Championship on the line. What should we expect from you tonight?

[The champ was shirtless, and in plain black wrestling tights. His EPW World Heavyweight Championship was around his waist, and his hair was loosely pony-tailed. He had on a pair of black Armani Exchange sunglasses that prevented you from seeing his eyes, and was cleanly shaved.

Triple X adjusted the microphone by pulling it closer to his mouth, as he locked eyes with the camera, dead on.]

TRIPLE X: Sneak attacks, sexual allegations ... humiliation? All of that means absolutely NOTHING at this point. Those things happened in order to get us here. They have nothing to do with what happens from this point on. But, I'll tell you what does. It's about this, Rocko...

[Sean pointed at his heart, simultaneously removing his sunglasses.]

TRIPLE X: It's not about who's the funniest, or who cracks the better joke. It's about who has the most HEART. You like to label yourself a true professional and because tonight isn't about oneupmanship I'll call a spade a spade and agree. Rocko, you ARE a true professional, and you are a great wrestler. You are mentally strong, and technically sound. You have taken some of my best shots, and you still stand tall, and for that you should be applauded.

[Slight applause throughout the arena.]

TRIPLE X: But, you're not going to win my title. This match-up is about determining who is the better man, and Rocko, you are NOT the better man. You like to call me arrogant, you like to call me a lot of things, but one of the things you have failed to take into consideration is the fact that I live and breathe this sport called wrestling. I'm here to be the best, anything less is failure for me, and I will kick, scratch, claw, bite, kill, and die for the EPW World Heavyweight Championship.

“... and, you won't. That's the difference between you and I.”

[Stevens dropped the microphone to the floor, as a loud thud echoes, and he walks out of the camera's view.]
 

DBrunkGXW

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Main Event: EPW World Title: Stevens (c) vs. Daymon

DT: Ladies and gentlemen, at long last the time has come. Rocko Daymon has gone through hell and back to get to this moment, folks. He’s had to overcome the mess that became of the number-one contender’s spot since Russian Roulette, and he’s had to fight off the immense threat posed by Sean Stevens’ newest ally, the demented man known as Stalker who has made it his personal basis to make Rocko and Caitlyn Daymon’s lives a living hell.

MN: What is this guy’s life, a frikkin soap opera?

DM: Well, it is pro wrestling, Neels.

DT: But, Rocko has persevered, and tonight at Black Dawn, Rocko Daymon gets his chance to fulfill his lifelong quest. Tonight, Rocko Daymon has his chance at the EPW World Heavyweight Championship and looks to mark himself down as the sixth name on the list of names that have held wrestling’s most prestigious title.

DM: Of course, he’ll have to get by a little someone by the name of Triple X to get there, won’t he?

DT: That’s right, Dean. The final step for Rocko Daymon will most certainly be the most trying. “Triple X” Sean Stevens has set the world on fire since arriving in Empire Pro Wrestling. He rolled through sixteen men to earn the title of King of the Cage 2007, and he parlayed that into pinning Joey Melton –

DM: -- with the help of Ice Tre –

DT: -- for the EPW World Title at Russian Roulette. Tonight, he puts that title and his string of dominance on the line. The stage is set, let’s bring out the players and pull the curtain!

MN: You unerring ability to be a colossal dork is unnerving, Burgerman.

[CUE UP: “Death is the Communion” by High on Fire. The crowd goes absolutely BALLISTIC with cheers as Caitlyn Daymon makes her way onto the ramp. This time, she’s got no microphone. She just motions to the back, and fireworks erupt all over Reliant Stadium as the One True Professional Wrestler strides onto the stage, one fist held high in the air. The couple strides to the ring to the roar of the crowd, and Rocko slides into the ring, salutes the crowd in all four corners, then leans against the ropes and waits.]

DT: Rocko Daymon has come so far in EPW, and tonight he gets his shot against the most dominant wrestler in recent EPW history.

[“Death is the Communion” fades out, and then we hear the familiar lyrics kick in…

You don’t have to pick me … to win the title fight
But, I’m gonna wear that championship belt SO tight.


The lights in the arena go dark, but a single spotlight shines as Triple X steps through the curtain and onto the stage to a ferociously mixed reaction. All of a sudden …

BOOOOOOOOOM!!!! Fireworks throughout the 70,000 seat stadium.

… and if I’m wrong, there is no right.

The champ makes his way to the ring, the EPW World Heavyweight Championship held proudly over his shoulder. He climbs into the ring and holds his trophy high above his air, and as the lights in the building come back up, he hands the strap to EPW senior official Pat Jones, who shows the belt to Daymon, then holds it up to the crowd.]

DT: its main event time, folks! To Tony Fatora to introduce the stars of our show!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL, and is for the Empire Pro Wrestling Heavyweight Championship of the World. The referee in charge of the action, EPW senior official Pat Jones. Introducing first, the challenger…

Hailing from Tacoma, Washington, he stands six feet, two inches tall and weighs in at 243 pounds. He is the officially recognized number one contender, he is the One True Professional Wrestler, he is …. RRRRRRROOOOOOCCKOOOOOOOO DAAAAAAAAAYYYYMOOOOOOOONNNNN!!!!!

[Massive crowd POP as Daymon again holds his fist in the air. His eyes, however, don’t move from the champ.]

TF: His opponent…

Hailing from Orlando, Florida, he stands six feet, two inches tall and weighs in at 245 pounds. He is the Blue-Eyed Badass, the 2007 King of the Cage and the REIGNING and DEFENDING EPW Heavyweight Champion of the Wooooorld…

TRRRRIIIIIPPPPLEEE ECCCCCKSSSSS…

SEAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN STEEEEEEEEEEEEVVEEEEENNNNNSSSS!!!!!

[SFX: Bell rings]

DT: This is it, folks, the main event!

MN: Yes. We know. We’ve been talking about it for three whole hours!

DT: And Rocko Daymon’s wasting no time! He’s right on Triple X with a flurry of punches, and the champ is backed into the corner! Pat Jones forces a break—but Daymon is right back on the attack with a big forearm right to the side of the head.

DM: Rocko Daymon does this as well as anyone in the business, Thomas. He can be absolutely relentless on offense.

MN: Thank you, CommentatorBot 4000 Z.

DM: Why Z?

MN: Y’know … Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsssnoorrrreee.

DM: Crap. He fell asleep already.

DT: Stevens pulls himself out of the corner, but the challenger takes him right down and lays in the hard elbows on the ground! Rocko is absolutely pummeling the champ, but Stevens slips free and slides out of the ring for a quick breather.

DM: Rocko’s come in here with the mindset that he is going to try and run over the world champ, and I think Trip needs some time to reformulate his game plan.

DT: Stevens rolls back into the ring … but he doesn’t even have a chance to get back up before Rocko’s laying into him with vicious stomps! Daymon pulls the champ to his feet, whips him off the ropes … and drops the champion with a hard elbow. Rocko with the cover…

ONE…

And a kickout by Stevens at one point five!

MN: You’re timing’s off, Thomas. That was more like 1.273664556.

DT: Stevens rolls to his feet, but Rocko’s too quick for him! He drives a knee straight into the gut, and lights up Trip’s chest with a vicious chop! And another! And a response from Stevens! Daymon! Stevens! Daymon! Stevens!

MN: NEEEEEELLLYYYYY!!!!

DM: Um, no.

MN: Damn.

DT: These two are circling the ring, absolutely chopping the daylights out of each other … Stevens blocks … and a boot to the gut! Daymon doubles over, and he tastes a running boot from the world champion.

MN: Yeah, but it was an ’86 black leather boot, so it probably tasted awesome.

DM: Boot snob.

DT: Daymon scrambles to his feet, but the world champion is right there to pounce. Knee to the side of the head by Triple X … irish whip … and he plows Daymon to the ground with a shoulderblock! Stevens hits the ropes … BIG LEAPING ELBOW connects right to the sternum! The cover…

ONE…

And a half! Daymon’s out easily, but Sean Stevens has begun to assert control in this match.

DM: The champ, apparently, is here.

MN: Hey, infringing on registered trademarks is MY DEAL, Matthews! Poser.

DM: Tool.

DT: The challenger uses the ropes to pull himself up, but Stevens greets him with a big forearm right to the chest. Irish whip by the champion … leapfrog by Daymon, and he hits the ropes again … but this time runs straight into a beautiful dropkick, and the challenger tumbles to the oustide.

MN: Is it alright if I start using my list of Rocko Daymon bowling ball jokes now?

DT/DM: NO!

MN: I never get to have any fun.

DM: That’s the point, Neels.

DT: Rocko gains his bearings on the outside, but here comes Triple X. Suicide dive … FAKEOUT! Stevens bounced off the ropes, and Daymon’s got no idea what’s going on.

DM: In about two seconds, he will.

DT: Daymon turns around … baseball slide dropkick by the champ! Daymon goes crashing into the guardrails!

DM: See, toldja.

DT: Stevens rolls to the ringside area to keep up the attack, and he just threw Rocko Daymon shoulder first into that guardrail once again! One more time, and he might break that fencing wide open!

MN: Please let that happen. I wanna see random geeks try and rush the ring.

DT: Triple X rolls the challenger back into the ring, but he’s not letting up. He takes measure … and drops the knee right on the back! Sean Stevens has started to absolutely dissect Rocko Daymon here, Dean.

DM: We’ve seen this side of Sean more and more since he became world champion. The man with a notorious reputation for risk taking has become cold, calculating and very, very effective.

MN: You are such a nerd.

DT: Stevens pulls Daymon to his feet … but not for long, as the champ brings him straight back down with a hard snap suplex! The champ floats over and hooks the leg…

ONE…

TWO…

But that’s all! Stevens can’t get any more than two as Rocko Daymon kicks out, but the champ spins right around and clamps on a tight chinlock.

MN: BOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRINNNNNGGGGGGGGG~!

DM: Um, Mikey?

MN: Yeeessh?

DM: Stevens is the guy you like.

MN: He is?

DT: Yeah, he is, Mike.

MN: Oh. GO BORING DUDE!

DT: Stevens is clamping down, trying to wear out the challenger and restrict his air flow, but Daymon is battling up. Elbows to the side of the head, but Trip just locks down even further! Daymon continues to struggle … he’s to his knees, but he can’t break the hold.

DM: This certainly won’t finish off Rocko, but he does need to get out of this hold if he wants to have enough stamina to last with a cardio machine like Sean Stevens.

DT: Rocko continuing to battle to his feet, and he’s finally reached a vertical base! He’s throwing elbows right to Sean’s gut, but the world champ has that hold locked down tight.

MN: Okay, seriously, how does somebody have this kind of grip? Did he buy extra Stick ‘Em or something?

DT: Rocko struggling out … drops down with a jawbreaker to break free! Stevens tumbles into the ropes … slingshots himself off and absolutely CRUSHES Rocko Daymon with a lariat! Now Stevens scrambles to the second rope … takes flight and connects with a guillotine legdrop! The pin…


ONE…


TWO…


NO!!! Rocko Daymon has taken quite a beating in the early portions of this matchup, but he’s not going to give in yet.

MN: Dude. It was a LEG. DROP.

DT: Stevens trying to keep up with the assault. He pulls Daymon up … front facelock, but Daymon reacts on pure instinct and rams him straight into the corner! Stevens wobbles out of the corner, BIG BACK BODY DROP! Rocko tossed him high in the air and Sean Stevens landed flat on his back!

DM: Rocko absolutely needed that right there, because if Sean Stevens kept chopping him down, Rocko Daymon’s long-awaited World Title shot could be very short.

DT: The challenger waits for Triple X to get to his feet, and Rocko greets him with a hard kick to the leg! Irish whip by Daymon … and he catches the champion with a quick swinging neckbreaker! He pulls Stevens to his feet … double underhook, into the butterfly suplex!!!! Daymon rolls over and hooks the leg…

ONE…

TWO…

Kickout by Stevens! The champion tries to roll away, but Rocko’s right on him!

MN: Doesn’t matter how many times you say that, Davey, it still sounds gay.

DT: Daymon hooks the head and the leg … Fisherman’s Suplex – no! Stevens slipped behind, hooks the waist … HYYOOOOGEEEE RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX BY THE CHAMP!!!! Rocko Daymon landed right on the back of his head and neck! Stevens scrambles across for the pin…


ONNNNNNEEEEE…



TWOOOOOOOOO…


NOOOO!!!! Daymon rolls the shoulder off the mat at the last moment and stays alive!

DM: Sean Stevens is going to have to pull out every trick in the book if he wants to put Rocko Daymon down for good.

MN: Or he could just kick him in the head really hard and have it be over in like five seconds. I’d take option B.

DT: Daymon pulls himself up, throws a few forearms, but Stevens swats them all away … and slaps the challenger right across the face! And again! One more time!

MN: YOU GOT ***** SLAPPED! **clap clap clapclapclap** YOU GOT ***** SLAPPED!

DM: Exactly how has nobody whacked you upside the head with a steel pipe yet?

MN: I’m lovable, Deano. It’s just my way.

DT: Rocko is incensed, and he’s swinging wildly, but Stevens is dodging them all! The champ’s slaps may have gotten inside the head of the challenger! Big swing by Daymon – and a miss! Daymon turns around … straight into a big European uppercut! And another! Irish whip by Stevens … into the big belly to belly suplex, and Daymon rolls outside once again!

MN: Is the damn ring greased or something? This idiot keeps sliding out to the floor. He must have ball bearings in his tights or something.

DM: Bad mental image, Neels. Bad mental image.

DT: Stevens rolls to the outside, grabs Daymon, and he just rammed the challenger’s back straight into the hard edge of our announce position! And another! Now he sets for the charge … OH MY!!!

MN: Ummm … ouchie?

DM: Yes, Neely. Ouchie.

DT: Rocko Daymon moved at the last minute, and Sean Stevens basically speared the side of our broadcast position! Daymon rolls inside to break the count, but he’s back out and he’s going to work on Sean Stevens on the outside. He pulls the champ to his feet … and whips him straight into the post!

MN: Apparently it’s the top of the hour, because that thing just sounded the loudest gong I’ve ever heard!

DT: Daymon still on the hunt. He’s moving around those mats on the outside and exposing the concrete! Rocko Daymon’s going to try and put an end to Sean Stevens’ title reign right here on the concrete floor!

DM: Well, he would still need to get him back in the ring, Dave.

MN: Even I knew that, Captain Obvious.

DT: Rocko hooks the head … he’s calling for the brainbuster on the damn concrete! He brings Stevens up … the champ slips away at the last moment and shoves Rocko head first into the ring post!!!

MN: Ouchie. Big ouchie.

DM: You are just so erudite and wordy, Neely.

DT: Rocko’s staggering out of the corner … Stevens hooks him … OHHHHHHHHHHH DEEAARRRR GAAAAAWWWDDDD!!!!! Sean Stevens just gave Rocko Daymon an inverted DDT on the exposed concrete floor! Rocko Daymon’s got to be out cold, but this isn’t good enough for Sean Stevens! What the hell is this guy doing?

MN: He just spilled my Coke, that’s what he did!

DT: Stevens has stripped our desk, and he SLAMS Daymon right down onto the surface! Pat Jones’ count has reached eight, but Stevens rolls back in the ring and he heads up top!

DM: This is bad, this is very, very bad for Rocko Daymon.

MN: This is going to ROOOL! By the way, I’m getting the hell out of Dodge. Broken bits of particle board aren’t recommended by my dermatologist.

DM: You have a dermatologist?

MN: Sure! Gotta keep up my girlish good looks, right?

DM: Yeeeeeah.

DT: Guys? Title match? Guy on table? Scary thing about to happen?

MN: Point taken. RUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!

DT: Stevens is on top, ready to fly – but here comes Caitlyn Daymon! She’s imploring Triple X not to do it, but he just shoves her away!

DM: Umm, he probably shouldn’t do that.

MN: Dude, have you SEEN Caitlyn Daymon for the last year?

DT: Stevens takes aim … he FLIEEESSSSS










CROWD: HOLY $#@&! HOLY $#@&!!!!

DT: Sean Stevens tried a full twisting shooting star press, but Rocko Daymon rolled away at the last second and the World Champion absolutely SPLATTED against our announce desk!

DM: OH. MY. GOD.

[CUT TO: Slo-Mo replay. Stevens takes off, but just as he rotates to come down, Daymon rolls off the desk and Stevens slams through it, causing the wood to immediately shatter and sending the champion crashing to the ground. The camera cuts back to a live shot, and both men, barely moving, are beginning to show cuts on their faces that will soon leak blood.]

DT: Dear god, can either of these men make it back into the ring!

PJ: ONNNNNEEEEE!!!!


TWOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!


FOUUUUUUUURRRRRR!!!!!!


FIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVEEEE!!!!


SIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!


DT: For the love of God, Rocko Daymon is getting up, and he’s rolling Sean Stevens into the ring! Can he make it!


PJ: SEEEEEEEEEVVVVVEEENNNNN!!!!!!


EEEEEEEIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHTTTTT!!!!


NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEE!!!!


DT: Yes! They’re back in the ring! Rocko Daymon rolled Sean Stevens underneath the bottom rope at the last moment and saved his shot at the world title! He rolls over for the cover…


ONE…



TWO…



NOOOO!!!! Out of desperation, out of complete instinct, Triple X rolled his left shoulder off the mat at the absolute last second!

MN: This guy is seriously not human. He is Mecha-Stevens, champion of the universe.

DM: Or he’s just really, really tough, Neely.

MN: Mine is better.

DT: Daymon pulls himself up, grabs Stevens … he’s gonna lock in the Tacoma Cloverleaf!

MN: Still don’t know what kind of cloverleaf grows in Tacoma.

DT: Rocko hooks the legs … Stevens cradles him down! Rocko’s shoulders are on the mat…


ONE…



TWO…


THRRRNOOOO!!! Daymon broke Stevens’ small package at the last possible instant!

MN: Why the hell are you so obsessed with Trip’s small package?

DT: Daymon rolls up to his knees … OH! Sean Stevens kicked him right in the face! Rocko Daymon just got knocked into La La Land … and Stevens spikes him straight to the mat with an implant DDT!

MN: What? He didn’t DDT Caitlyn!

DT: Rocko is dazed right now, Stevens hooks the leg…

ONE…

TWO…

THREEE!! NO! Rocko got his foot on the ropes and he is still going in this one!

DM: We haven’t yet reached the 15 minute mark, Dave, but these two men are absolutely SLAUGHTERING each other in this match. Where won’t Rocko Daymon and Triple X go in order to claim the EPW World Championship?

MN: The bus.

DM: What?

MN: I don’t think they’ll go on the bus. Have you ever been on a bus here in Houston? Not something you want to experience in your life. Ever.

DT: The challenger is barely to his feet, and the champ is measuring him up! He might be looking to put this one to rest with that X-Factor superkick!

MN: See, I told you kicking him in the head would work!

DT: Rocko to his feet. He turns around … SUPERKIIIIIIIIIICCKKKK – NOOOO!!! Daymon rolled underneath and Trip JUST missed! The champ turns around … straight into a spinning backfist from Daymon! Sean Stevens is stunned! Daymon drives a boot into the gut … standing headscissors …






POWERBOOOOOOMBBBB!!!! And he holds Stevens down for the pin!



ONE…


TWO…


THRRRRNOOOO!!!! Stevens presses his shoulders off the mat … but Daymon flows through straight into the Tacoma Cloverleaf! He’s got it locked in dead in the middle of the canvas! Could this be the moment for Rocko Daymon?

MN: Uhhhhh … dunno?

DM: Wow, Neels. Really going out on a limb there.

MN: It’s what I pride myself on, Deano.

DT: Rocko’s got that Cloverleaf hold cinched in tight! He is arching back, putting all that pressure on the legs and lower back of the world heavyweight champion, and I don’t know if Sean Stevens can withstand any more of this!

DM: Rocko Daymon has perfected this hold over a long, long wrestling career, Dave. He knows how to absolutely torture a man’s back with this hold to the point that he doesn’t want to get out of bed for a week.

MN: Hey, if I had to deal with Caitlyn, I wouldn’t want to get out of –

DM: Cram it, Neely. She’d whip your ass.

MN: And I’d love every, single minute of it.

DT: Sean Stevens is howling in pain, ladies and gentlemen! He is crawling, inch by inch, slowly towards the ropes, trying to break this hold, but I don’t know how much longer he’s going to be able to hold on without tapping! Pat Jones is asking Stevens if he wants to give up, but the world champ is saying, in not so many words, that he wants no part of that!

MN: I think I just heard him, Davey, and I didn’t think you could do that to a camel!

DM: And that’s a really, really bad thing to call our senior official’s mother.

MN: And, what kind of pudding? I need to right this stuff down, Deano. It’s gold, Matthews, GOLD!!!

DT: Stevens has been in this hold for more than two and a half minutes now, and I don’t know if he can hold on any longer! Triple X lunges for the ropes, but Daymon pulls him back! He’s still got the Tacoma Cloverleaf locked in right in the middle of the ring, and he’s clamping as tight as he can!

MN: I need a massage after watching this.

DM: Because of the back pain?

MN: Yeeeeeeaaaah. Back pain. That’ll do it.

DT: Stevens crawling on his elbows to reach the ropes … almost there … almost there … NOOO!!! Daymon pulls away once again! My god, how long can a man stand this kind of pain?

DM: I’ll be the first to say that I was as good as anyone inside the ring, Dave, but I would’ve been out several minutes ago just to avoid future damage to my career. But, that’s the value of the world title. Sean Stevens went through hell to get it, and he’ll go through hell to keep it.

DT: Sean Stevens is getting close to the ropes, but he’s getting close to tapping!!! This is going to be it!!! Stevens is going to tap! He --- what the HELL?

DM: Damnit, not this psycho again!

DT: Stalker has just burst through the crowd, and he grabbed Sean Stevens’ hand just before it slapped the mat! He’s pulling, and damnit, Stalker just placed Steven’s hand on the bottom rope, and this unholy alliance of Sean Stevens and Stalker has saved the world title for the moment.

MN: Woohoo! EVIL DEMENTED WEIRDOS SAVE THE DAY!

DM: And this evil demented weirdo has a pissed off woman on his tail!

DT: Here comes Caitlyn! She pulls Stalker off the mat and she is getting her claws into him! She is taking out all her frustration on the man who has made it his mission to stop her husband from winning the EPW championship, and we’ve got security out here to keep these two apart!

DM: Hell hath no fury, dudes.

[Stalker and Caitlyn Daymon, both with incensed looks on their faces, are separated to other sides of the ring with several security personnel holding them back until they calm down. In the ring, Daymon is exhausted from expending so much energy in performing the submission, while Stevens is holding his back as he crawls to his feet.]

DT: Back in the ring, Stevens is finally up, but here comes Daymon! He scoops him up … hooks him for a tombstone piledriver – TRIPLE X REVERSES!!!! The World Champion somehow managed to shift his weight and he’s got the challenger set up … and he SPIKES him into the mat with the tombstone! He falls onto Rocko for the cover!



ONE…




TWOOOOOOOO…




THREEEEE!!!! NO! NO!!! Pat Jones saw Rocko’s foot on the ropes and the count is broken! Dear Lord, I thought Rocko Daymon was done, but he was close enough to the ropes to force the break!

DM: Wow, I’ve got no idea whatsoever how Rocko Daymon had enough left in the tank and was aware enough to put his foot on the bottom rope.

MN: He’s a cyborg, Deano. He used his Rope Homing Device located within his neural net to track down the nearest available wrestling-based cable.

DM: You are a giant, giant dork. But, I really, really want whatever you’re on, dude.

DT: Stevens and Daymon are both exhausted, but they are still fighting, folks. The champion pulls the challenger to his feet, and blisters him with a nasty chop right across the chest! Irish whip by Triple X … SAMOAN DRIVER!!! And the champ is headed up top!!!

DM: If I were him, I wouldn’t be doing this so soon after crashing through a table.

MN: If you were him, we’d be in some bizaree mirror universe where up is down and monkeys are leopards.

DT: Stevens takes flight … PHOENIX SPLASH!!! Corkscrew 450 Splash connected beautifully, and Stevens crawls over for the pin…



ONEEEEE…



TWOOOOO….



THRRRRNOOOOO!!!! TWO POINT NINE!!! Rocko Daymon got his shoulder off the mat at the very last second before Sean Stevens retained the world title. These two men are going to absolutely INCREDIBLE lengths to put each other away!

MN: I’m scared, Deano. The robots are taking over.

DM: Good for you. Wanna cookie?

MN: HELLS YES~!

DT: The champ brings Daymon up to his knees … hits the ropes … Shining Wizard! He turned Daymon’s head inside out! And he’s signaling that it’s time to put this thing to an end!

DM: He won the world title with that X-Terminator, and if he hits his version of that Osaka Street Cutter this time, this one is over.

DT: He’s got him WAAAAAY UP … Daymon slips out! The challenger slides behind … side Russian legsweep! He holds on, rolls through … and hits another! He pulls Stevens to his feet … and he flips the bird right at Stalker … and he drops him with the third legsweep! Float over for the pin…



ONEEEEEE…




TWOOOOOO…




NOOOOO!!!! Sean Stevens gets the shoulder up! He tries to pull himself up, but Rocko rolls through with a neckbreaker! The challenger brings up the champ, whips him into the corner and he’s charging up the engines on the opposite side!

MN: This move still has the coolest frikking name in history.

DT: Rocko’s revving up … PHANTOM TRAAAAIINNN!!! Running back splash in the corner! Stevens wobbles out … SMALL PACKAGE DRIVER!! This one has to be over!



ONE…



TWO…



THREEEEEEE!!! NO!!! NO!!! Hold the phone, Sean Stevens kicked out one more time, and I can not believe it!

DM: Sweet heavenly Lord, maybe these two are robots.

MN: See, I was right all along.

DM: I hate you.

DT: So do I.

MN: That’s why I make the big bucks, Dawgz.

DT: Daymon pulls Stevens up … double underhook … it might be time for the Brain Rocker! He’s got him hooked … NO! Stevens escaped with a low blow, but I don’t think Pat Jones saw it! Caitlyn Daymon is on the apron SCREAMING at Jones!

DM: If I were Caitlyn, I wouldn’t want him disqualified, seeing as that might eliminate any chance of her husband winning the world title.

DT: Rocko is stumbling on the other side of the ring and – DAMNIT NO!! Stalker’s got the world title, and he BLASTS Daymon with it! Daymon is dazed on his feet, he turns around … STRAIGHT INTO AN X-FACTOR!!!! Sean Stevens nailed the superkick, security has pulled Caitlyn Daymon off the apron, and Triple X might have just ended this one! The pin…




ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…




TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...




THRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I DO NOT BELIEVE IT! Rocko Daymon, after taking a belt shot from That Damn Stalker and a superkick from Sean Stevens is somehow, someway still in this match.

MN: He’s a robot, dudes. A fu—

DT: FAMILY SHOW!!!

MN: FULBRIGHT SCHOLAR ROBOT!

DM: Not buying it, Mikey.

DT: Stevens can not believe that didn’t end it, and he is absolutely INCENSED! He’s laying into Daymon with kicks, punches, hard elbows! Daymon shoves him away … Stevens off the ropes … RRRRRRROOOOOOAAAARRRRRIIIIINNNGGG ELLLLBBBOOOOWWW!!!!!

MN: Wow. THAT was overexaggerated.

DM: Seriously, Dave. You need to calm down a little, man.

DT: Stevens hooks Daymon for the X-Terminator – Daymon counters again! Rolls through with an inside cradle…

Stevens is too close to the ropes! Daymon spins to his feet … turns right into a Northern Lights Suplex from the champion…


But Daymon is too close to the ropes!!! How the hell do these guys keep doing this?

MN: WHY DOES NOBODY LISTEN TO ME ABOUT THE ROBOTS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

DM: Because you’re the world’s biggest moron.

DT: Daymon rolls to his feet … Superkick by Stevens – Daymon catches his foot! Turns him around … BRAIN ROCKER … NO!!! Stevens bridges over! He’s got Daymon’s shoulders on the mat…


ONE…


TWO…


THRRRRRRRNOOO!!!! Daymon shoots the shoulder off the mat! And Stevens is SWEARING to Pat Jones that it should have been three! And – no! Not again, he’s giving Stalker the chance to come up from behind with the belt!

DM: Here it comes!

DT: Rocko turns around…



SFX: CRRRRAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKK!!!!



DT: Caitlyn Daymon nailed Stalker with a chair before he could hit Daymon with the belt, and Stalker just slumped off the apron! Stevens turns around … SPEAR FROM DAY—NO!!! Nobody home, and Daymon rammed shoulder first into the ringpost! Stevens grabs him, and puts him on top!

DM: If he tries this, he might not just beat Rocko Daymon, he might end Daymon’s career.

DT: He’s up top, but Rocko’s fighting back! Punches, forearms, elbows between these two men! They are waging an EPIC BATTLE on the top rope here! Daymon with a forearm … blocked!!! Big right from Triple X, and he’s got the head hooked! X-TERMINAAA – NOOOO!!! Daymon shoved him off! Stevens back up top – big kick to the gut by Rocko!!! Double underhook….

YESSSSSS!!!!

BRAIN ROCKER FROM THE TOP!!!! Can he do it! Is it Rocko Daymon’s time?

MN: ROBOT REVOLUTION~!

DM: Holy hell, what a move!

DT: He collapses on Stevens for the cover…



ONNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!





TWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!




THRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! YES!!!! YES!!!! Somehow, someway, Rocko Daymon has done it!

[SFX: Bell rings, Crowd EXPLODES!!!!]

[CUE UP: “Death is the Communion]

DM: Unbelievable!

MN: Holy crap, what a match!

DT: Rocko Daymon’s career long odyssey is complete here at Black Dawn! He went through hell, and finally, he outlasted Sean Stevens in an all-time EPW classic to be crowned EPW World Heavyweight Champion! Ladies and gentlemen, tonight you have witnessed the coronation of Rocko Daymon!

[CUT TO: Pat Jones in the middle of the ring, handing the World Title to a tired, bloody, nearly weeping Rocko Daymon, who is being held up by his smiling wife.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match…

AAAAAAAAANNNNDD NEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW Empire Pro Wrestling Heavyweight Champion of the World … RRRRRROOOOOOCCKKKKOOOOOOO DAAAAAAAYYYYMOOOONNNNNNNNN!!!!!!

DT: What an unbelievable night here at Black Dawn, capped by one of the most incredible battles we have ever seen in the four-plus year history of this great company! Rocko Daymon has etched his name forever into wrestling history tonight, becoming the sixth person to hold the greatest title in wrestling today! The journey is complete, but you can be sure that Sean Stevens won’t take the loss of his title lightly. For now, however, it is a night for Rocko Daymon to celebrate the greatest day of his wrestling career. For Mike Neely and Dean Matthews, I’m Dave Thomas signing off from EPW Black Dawn at Reliant Stadium in Houston. We leave you with our new Heavyweight Champion of the World, Rocko Daymon. Good night everyone, and we’ll see you on Aggression!

[The camera pans back to show Rocko Daymon standing on the top turnbuckle, holding the title belt high as fireworks go off throughout the arena and the crowd cheers wildly. The shot cuts to an tired Sean Stevens, who holds his head down and walks to the back, before cutting back to Daymon’s celebration. The shot holds for a while, with the crowd providing the rhythm to “Death is the Communio” before we…

FADE TO THE EPW COPYRIGHT.]
 
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