MAIN EVENT - EPW TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP: Malcolm Joseph-Jones (c) v. Rezin
[We return to our three hosts at the commentary, Dave looking dapper as always, the Show Stealer slick and reserved, and Neely suffering yet another obvious bender.]
DT: Interesting to see Jack Harmen and Tony Davis out here, but it seems Harmen is throwing his name in the hat in that big battle royal next week.
DM: Harmen is a guy who has really really made a HUGE name for himself all over the wrestling world, but has been content to kind of take it easy here, for lack of a better phrase. Can you imagine a First vs. Impulse vs. Castor Strife vs. Jack Harmen main event at Wrestleverse?
MN: That's a dream matchup absolutely anywhere.
DT: Well folks, Aggression 74 draws toward a close, but we’ve got the main event coming up here in just a few short moments! The EPW Television Championship will be on the line in a battle for GREATNESS!
DM: You couldn’t find a more polarizing pair of athletes in today’s sport. In one hand, you’ve got the champion, Malcolm Joseph-Jones, the powerhouse driven for greatness, and then the challenger, Rezin, the scrapper driven toward destruction. Oil and water… enough said.
MN: This gonna be like watching a big, brutish kodiak bear fight a slick and slimy electric eel! My money’s on the eel, of course, because if a bear is dumb enough to fight an eel in the water, then it deserves to get it’s ass shocked!
DT: Well, we’re far removed from any bodies of water here in this arena. This battle will be taking place in a good ol’ fashioned wrestling ring, where the greatest tales of conquest and glory are told! Let’s go there now!
[A perched shot of the arena shows the ring cleared and ready for the final match. A stylized graphic flashes over the screen -- “EPW TELEVISION TITLE CONTEST” -- with the associated belt displayed beneath the text.]
[CUE UP: “Legalise Drugs & Murder” by Electric Wizard.]
[The house lights in the Bankers Life Fieldhouse dim out to wash the arena under a veil of black as a bubbling bong soundclip ushers in monolithic doom riffage through the PA. Spotlights hit the stage as REZIN steps out through the curtain, clad in a sludge-smudged yellow Indiana Pacer’s jersey bearing his namesake on the back and the number zero. Setting his bucket of sludge down before him, he takes a moment to stand with his arms outstretched to take in the reaction. The fans of Indianapolis give the native son a heated and angry reaction, with passion. His face curls in sick delight before he picks up the bucket and starts down the ramp to the ring.]
DT: Here arrives the challenger himself, REZIN, and the wrestler once known to this state as “Erik Black” is clearly getting NO LOVE from his fellow Hoosiers here tonight! It’s almost as if they don’t accept him as one of their own!
DM: Like a black sheep among his own flock. Or a black GOAT is more like it…
MN: Is THIS how these ignorant corn-fed hicks treat their own?! I’m absolutely appalled! They should be lauding this man as a HERO, because he’s practically their ONLY claim to professional wrestling fame!
DT: At least until Aaron Jones starts winning matches, and after earlier tonight, I don’t suspect that’s far off… but in the case of Rezin, I’d say he’s getting the very reaction a man of his nature and attitudes deserves, hometown credibility or not! He is not a point of pride for this state… he’s a mark of shame!
DM: Right up there with John Dillinger and Jim Jones, as far as I’m concerned…
MN: Hey, Dillinger was a stud! I don’t care what anybody says… grape Kool-Aid straight-up ROCKS!
DT: I dunno who they should put in the nuthouse first, Neels… Rezin, or YOU!
[Rezin sets the bucket down at the top of the steel steps in its usual place, slaloming a few times before it in ritual fashion before slithering under the ropes to enter the ring. He takes a few moments to crawl on his hands and knees before rising up and standing with his arms out again, soaking in the hate from his local fans with a sick sort of love.]
[CUE UP: “Best of the Best” by KU.]
[The reaction shifts to overwhelming cheers as purple and yellow lights fill up the arena. As soon as the lyrics begin, MALCOLM JOSEPH-JONES promptly strides through the curtain, EPW Television Title wrapped proudly around his waist, foregoing the posturing and showboating as he confidently advances toward the ring at a clip that suggests he’s ready to get to business. His attention never goes to the crowd, even as they reach out for a high-five or a brief touch of greatness… his fixation is solely on the ring.]
DT: And out next is the Television Champion himself, EM-JAY-TWO, and the Indianapolis fans are making it no mystery who their giving their support to!
MN: Buncha traitors… when did people start liking Malcolm Joseph-Jones! Right when he was starting to get COOL, too! These morons ruin EVERYTHING for me…
DM: While many were turned off by his rather blunt and unfriendly disposition when he first arrived at Empire Pro, Malcolm Joseph-Jones has slowly but surely gained the support of the fans with his stalwart conviction toward achieving greatness. Since he defeated Anarky to win the Television Title, he’s made it clear that he’s working toward building onto this company’s legacy by representing himself as nothing less than the best professional wrestling has to offer.
DT: He may not be the most fan-friendly of athletes, but there is perhaps few men who embody the very competitive nature of this sport like MJ2. It’s not just the size, or the strength… but the substance! He’s got -- wait a second, he’s got REZIN’S BUCKET! He did not even HESITATE going for it as soon as he reached the ring!
DM: And he’s bringing it in with him!
MN: Uh-oh… I don’t like where this is going!
[The crowds cheers excitedly as MJ2 takes to the ring with the sludge bucket in his hands and a look of fierce determination in his eyes, crossing the ring to where Rezin is standing. Rezin, caught up in telling a ringside fan to shut their trap, almost doesn’t see him in time, but turns his head right as MJ2 lifts the bucket to douse him in his own filth before he clears over the ropes, eyes bulging and mouth agape. He gets tangled on the bottom rope and wipes out on the floor, to the amusement of the crowd. MJ2 sneers down at him before dropping the bucket, unclasping the championship belt, and taking only the briefest of moments to circle around and slap the gold-plated face, working up the crowd.]
DT: Oh, WOW! Rezin nearly got a taste of his own bad medicine, courtesy of Malcolm Joseph-Jones!
DM: It’s the least that sick punk deserves for slinging that crap around everywhere!
MN: That would be a stupid move! MJ2 would only get himself disqualified before the bell even rung!
DT: The rules are a bit murky when it comes to slop being used as a weapon, no pun intended… but still, given the sludge bath that MJ2 experienced at our last even back in Oklahoma City, I’d say he’s fully in the right to even the odds!
DM: In any case, the official Pat Jones is moving the bucket out of the ring and handing it over to the timekeeper, safely AWAY from the ring! Rezin looks like he’s trying to protest, but Jones won’t hear any of it!
DT: That a way, Pat! Put your foot down, and keep this match as CLEAN as possible! Again, no pun intended…
[After the music cuts, both competitors, the official, and the ring announcer Tony Fatora converge in the ring. The official separates both men who stand within a foot of each other, the champion, shouldering the belt, glowering down, and the challenger sneering back up at him.]
TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is our MAIN EVENT, for the EMPIRE PRO TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP!
[Small pop at the belt’s mention, and Fatora gestures toward the bastard clad in black.]
TF: Introducing first, the challenger… competing in his hometown of Indianapolis, Indiana… he weighs in at two-hundred and twenty-eight pounds… he is “the Escape Artist”... REEEEEZZZIIIIINNNN!!
[Fans JEER LOUDLY at the mention of their local shame. Fatora gestures toward the pulverizer clad in purple.]
TF: And the opponent, hailing from Jackson, Mississippi… tipping the scales at two-hundred and sixty-nine pounds… he is the reigning TELEVISION CHAMPION of EMPIRE PRO… MALCOLM… JOSPEH… JOOOOOOOOONNNNNNESSSS!!!
[The champ earns a supportive pop, but neither man breaks their gaze from the other. Jones splits them up and redirects them to the corners before taking the Television Title from MJ2, holding it up toward all four sides of the arena in standard fashion, and handing it off to the timekeeper.]
DT: These two look like they’re chomping at the bit to tear into each other!
DM: And I’m chomping at the bit to see what happens once that bell rings!
DT: The referee Pat Jones makes his final checks on both contenders, who haven’t stopped looking at each other! Looks like we’re ready to go! There’s the cue for the bell!
SFX: *DING! DING!*
DT: Here it is! Both men out of the corners, coming to the center of the ring… Malcolm Joseph-Jones going right for the tie-up, but Rezin slips behind, nipping the champ’s calf with a quick kick on his way back!
DM: All that did was add to MJ2’s anger!
DT: A sneer on the champion’s face as he lurches forward again, shooting low this time! Rezin leapfrogs over his head! Another kick to the leg, this time connecting right behind the leg! The goat bastard is keeping his distance, using his speed to evade the powerful arms of MJ2!
DM: We’ll see how far it gets him!
DT: MJ2 clasps his hands and TEARS through the air with a swinging hammerblow right in Rezin’s direction, but the challenger rolls aside, dodging him again! Rezin’s got a sick smile on his face, taking delight in the champ’s frustration!
MN: This is all part of his genius strategy! Rezin will just keep running circles around MJ2, messing with his head and getting him to boil over! Then, when he’s blind with rage, he’ll make his fatal mistake!
DM: Or he’ll rip his head off… still, I suppose any strategy couldn’t hurt his chances in this contest.
DT: He seems to be feeling good about his chances right now, but we’ve only just begun! MJ2 keeps up his pursuit, looking ever more aggravated… he’s finally got Rezin trapped in the corner now! Rezin, trying to slip past -- but MJ2 CATCHES HIM with a big palm to the chest, shoving him back into the turnbuckle and pounding him in there with a quick shoulder block!
DM: That should take some of the smog out of his smokestack! The Television Champion has him right where he wants him now!
DT: MJ2 has him by the arm… and there’s the Irish Whip! Rezin to the opposite corner -- no, he instead SPRINGBOARDS to the TOP ROPE! MJ2 coming up after him -- but Rezin DIVES OFF and catches him with a quick missile dropkick, sending the defending champion to the mat!
MN: HA! I think he needs to get the prescription in those lame goggles changed, because he did NOT see that coming!
DT: Nonetheless, MJ2 works back up to his feet, looking even MORE angry! Rezin, meanwhile, looking to capitalize as he runs himself off the ropes… and a LOW dropkick brings Malcolm Joseph-Jones to his knees just as he was standing up!
DM: This is where Rezin can be dangerous! MJ2 has the size, but he may not have the speed or agility to keep up with this offense… unless he can do something to turn it around!
DT: Rezin won’t have that happen any time soon as he takes MJ2 by the head and puts a couple HARD elbows into his ear, before hoisting him up and leading him over to the corner! He’s got the head hooked under the arm now… looking for the TORNADO DDT as he boosts himself off the second rope and COMES AROUND -- NO!! Make that a TORNADO ATOMIC DROP, courtesy of EM-JAY-TWO!
MN: Oh man… it really HURT having to watch that!
DT: The Indianapolis crowd is absolutely loving the sight of their hometown shame tip-toeing across the ring in pain, clutching that tender area beneath the legs! MJ2 sees the opening, as he bounces off the ropes for momentum… Rezin turns around -- D’OHH-MY-GAWD WHADDA LARIAT BY THE CHAMP!!
DM: MJ2 hit him with such force, it practically turned the challenger inside out and back to outside IN!
DT: Rezin struggles to get up and staggers around, in an absolute daze! Walks right into the arms of Malcolm Joseph-Jones… and the champion HURLS HIM THROUGH THE AIR AND ACROSS THE RING with the BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX!!
Crowd: *POP!!*
DM: People on the East Coast will be calling us up, reporting SHOCKWAVES from that slam! The POWER of the Television Champion has finally been unleashed, and now Revin is getting PULVERIZED!
MN: Hey, before you get carried away, allow me to remind you that it ain’t over yet!
DT: Or it may be over right now, as MJ2 goes for the pin!
One!
Two!
Rezin gets the shoulder up!
MN: See what I’m saying?! You guys see a few big slams, and you think it’s game, set, match… but there’s more to the Escape Artist than meets the eye!
DT: Rezin’s desperately trying to drag himself to the ropes, his eyes wide in panic and his face stretched in pain! But the champion, back on his feet, denies the escape artist any hope of getting himself out of this jam as he drags him back into the ring by the heel! MJ2 has him up now… grabs him by the NECK -- OH MERCY, WHAT A CHOKEBREAKER!!
DM: That nearly broke Rezin in HALF! The Television Champion is making this look too easy!
DT: That move put Rezin back on the mat, motionless… and now the champion, Malcolm Joseph-Jones, in impressive form tonight, doesn’t hesitate in rolling him over onto his back and hooking the leg!
One!
Two!
No! Rezin squirmed over to his side at the last moment as squeaked the shoulder up! He always just seems to scrape by!
DM: Seems to me someone’s gonna have to scrape him up off the canvas if MJ2 keeps driving him into it!
DT: The champion leaves his opponent to slowly recover as he goes to the corner, and the audience begins to get riled up as he bends his legs and gets in position to charge! We could be looking at the SPEAR here!
DM: Malcolm Joseph-Jones isn’t wasting any time here tonight! He’s showing the entire federation he isn’t kidding around when it comes to defending his title, by sensing the weakness in this challenger and going right for the kill once the opportunity is there!
DT: Rezin almost to his feet… and HERE COMES EM-JAY-TWO out of the corner… but NO! Rezin just ROLLED to the side at the last possible second! MJ2 nearly collides with the turnbuckle before putting on the breaks!
MN: It’s like some phenomenal instinct told him it was coming!
DT: That, or he happened to hear the train coming down the tracks, and wasn’t TOO high to realize he was standing on them! MJ2 regaining himself, coming out of the corner, but Rezin meets him with a quick SWEEP kick that cuts out the challenger’s leg -- OH!! And puts him right in place for a VICIOUS BUZZSAW KICK to the side of the head as soon as he dropped to the knee!
Crowd: “BOOOO!!!”
DT: The sound of Rezin’s heel hitting MJ2’s face resounded through the entire Banker’s Life Fieldhouse, and with the champion lying hurt on the mat, the challenger finds a moment to regain his wind after turning the tables in timely fashion!
MN: And just like that, the tides turn! I WARNED you guys about counting out the old goat bastard!
DM: Okay, Neels, I’ll give you that… but even if this filthy wretch COULD find a way to capitalize off this, he’s far from out of the forest!
DT: MJ2 attempting to get up off the mat, but Rezin spots his recovery, and quickly runs off the ropes for some speed… and a SOCCER KICK to the champ’s head puts him back to the mat, buying the challenger more time to set up his next scheme!
DM: Looks like his next one involves a bit of aerodynamics, cause he’s making for the corner!
DT: Indeed, Dean… Rezin boosting himself up to the TOP rope, while Malcolm Joseph-Jones lies groggy on the mat, still trying to clear up his head! Rezin DIVES OFF… and CONNECTS WITH THE GUILLOTINE LEG DROP from ALL THE WAY UP TOP!! The goat bastard, back on his feet, quickly bucks for his hometown crowd!
Crowd: “BOOOOOO!!!”
MN: What is THIS, Indianapolis?! More like IGNORANT-apolis!
DT: No love for Rezin tonight, even for his own people! FINALLY, he gets around to rolling MJ2 onto his back, and he makes his first cover in this match!
One!
Two!
KICKOUT by Malcolm Joseph-Jones!
DM: There were few doubting that one!
DT: The champion is trying to galvanize himself and make a comeback, but the challenger Rezin keeps him to the mat with some uncompromising bare-heeled kicks to the head! Looks like he’s cowing him near the edge, and Rezin has something on his mind here as he grabs the top-rope… quick springboard off the second -- and DOWN COMES THE KNEE across the HEAD of EM-JAY-TWO!!
DM: Strike after strike to the head of MJ2… this can’t be good for the champion’s longevity! He’s got to find a way to shut down this fast and furious offense of Rezin before it starts to take a toll!
MN: The toll’s being taken right now, gentlemen!
DT: Malcolm Joseph-Jones is holding his head, desperately trying to get up! He’s completely defenseless to the whims of the goat bastard on the mat, but he’s trying hard to bring his vision back into focus and shake off the force of those legs raining down on him! Rezin, meanwhile, is in the midst of hatching a new scheme, rolling out the apron on MJ2’s blindside!
DM: He’s grinning like a bloodthirsty goblin, and the Television Champion is none the wiser right now!
DT: MJ2 back on his feet, turns around… here’s Rezin, VAULTING over the top -- LANDS ON THE SHOULDERS, and DOWN GOES THE CHAMP after the REZINRANA from the APRON!! Rezin’s GOT THE LEGS HOOKED! Does he HAVE HIM?!
ONE!
TWO!
NO!! MJ2 powered out at the last second, but Rezin is edging dangerously close to finishing off his all but brief reign as Television Champion!
MN: If that derails the stupid MJ2 hype train, then so be it! Maybe he can go back to being awesome when the fans start hating him again!
DT: A quick double stomp with two dirty heels across the forehead of MJ2 keeps him on the mat. Here now… Rezin reaching down and REMOVING the athletic goggles off of the head of Malcolm Joseph-Jones! Pat Jones telling him to return them, but his commands are completely ignored, as Rezin brazenly puts the goggles over his OWN head and turns to the crowd, puffing out his chest, in what I can only guess this to be a sad mockery of the current champion!
Crowd: “BOOOOOOOO!!!”
DM: This kind of insult isn’t going to fare well for him down the road… although I doubt he has the capacity to realize that!
MN: It’s all about sending a message, Dean-O!
DT: I don’t know if this is a message, or just a clear way of kick a man while he’s down… in the rhetorical sense, I mean. Rezin’s been kicking him ENOUGH while he’s down in the literal sense! In the meantime, the Television Champion trying to push himself off the mat again… he isn’t going to take this lying down forever!
DM: Rezin’s been smart to keep his distance and pick the champ apart with painful strike thus far… but now he’s just plain acting arrogant, grinning like a devil as he stalks around behind MJ2 like a jackal ready to strike!
DT: The goggles come off and get tosses aside… Rezin picks his position and GETS READY for the deathstrike! MJ2 almost up, still looking groggy as he holds his head! Let’s hope none of those strikes dealt any concussive damage!
MN: But all that other good damage is still fair game! STAND UP, MJ2! Let’s pop that fat pimple of a head for once and for all!
DT: Malcolm Joseph-Jones, back on his feet… he turns around, and Rezin hops forward with the DAMASCUS HEEL --
NO!! EM-JAY-TWO’S HAND SHOOTS UP, AND STOPS THAT LEG IN PLACE!!
Crowd: *POP!!*
DT: ALL OF THE COLOR leaves the already pasty face of the Goat Bastard as he stands staggering on a single toe, his mouth agape in horror! MJ2 rises up and SHAKES THE FINGER! NOT TONIGHT! ELBOW to the exposed leg, and Rezin collapses!
MN: Oh no, it’s his PURPLE POWER reserves!
DM: No, Neels, it’s called the will to be GREAT!
DT: MJ2’s chance to retake this match is at hand as Rezin struggles to his feet… and the champ lands a KNEE STRIKE to the mid-section with such force, it LIFTS the challenger off his feet, and right into his grasp! MJ2 follows through with FLUID FORM into a DEVASTATING GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB!!
Crowd: *POP!!!*
DM: I don’t think he’s FINISHED!
DT: MJ2 right back up, hands clasping the neck of the Escape Artist, who has nowhere to run now! The Television Champion pulls him back to his feet, and tosses him HARD into the turnbuckle! There’s the Irish Whip before Rezin has a chance to react… and he connects HARD AGAIN, this time with the opposite turnbuckle!
DM: He’s literally getting whipped from pillar to post in there!
DT: The challenger, staggering as he leaves the corner -- BUT EM-JAY-TWO CHARGES IN and BULLDOZES HIM TO THE MAT with a TITANIC running lariat! That was like watching him get run over by a FREIGHT TRAIN!
MN: Oh man, this can’t be good… come on, Rez! Bite and scratch… get desperate! Gouge his eyes out!
DM: Good luck getting past the goggles!
MN: DAMN! I knew there was a reason I hated those, other than the goofy look!
DT: The Television Champion, Malcolm Joseph-Jones, stands tall and dominant in the ring, the capacity crowd here tonight roaring around him, as his opponent struggles to rise at his feet! MJ2 will help him up to his feet once again… wait, Rezin trying to fight back this time!
DM: Now he is desperate! Alas, those elbows to the abs have some affect, stunning MJ2 in place!
DT: Rezin breaking free and running to the corner… he’s goes to the TOP ROPE in no time! Off the top with the MOONSAULT --
-- AND THE CHAMP KICKS HIM OUT OF THE AIR WITH THE BIG BOOT!!
Crowd: *POP!!*
DM: Normally spontaneous in those situations, Rezin’s efforts to make a quick turnaround have been shot down by the champion!
DT: Rezin is MOTIONLESS on the mat, and MJ2 wastes no time making the pin, hooking the leg!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THR -- NO!! Rezin BARELY twists through and gets the shoulder up in time!
DM: By wits alone, he’s still hanging in there, but the champion is losing patience! I think he’s ready to put this one away!
DT: Malcolm Joseph-Jones, back to his feet, promptly goes to the opposite corner and gets ready to charge, waiting for Rezin to slowly pull himself to his feet before he OBLITERATES him with the spear! The Indianapolis crowd is BUZZING in anticipation!
MN: These people are SICK! He’s one of their own, and they cheer on his demise?!
DT: Rezin is fumbling with the ropes, looking absolutely dazed, FOR ONCE without the help of some illegal substances! On his feet with his back to the champ, and Malcolm CHARGES FORWARD --
-- BUT NO, Rezin SEES HIM at the last moment and BAILS FROM THE RING like a bat out of hell!
MN: PHEW, that was close!
DM: I don’t know if that was pure instinct from a savvy, hardened veteran, or just idiot luck… but Rezin dodged a MASSIVE bullet there and kept this match going for a little longer!
DT: MJ2 put on the brakes before his momentum could bring him crashing into the corner, but now he looks to the outside as Rezin fumbles back off the floor and onto his feet, moving around the ring! Where the hell is he going?!
DM: I’m not sure, Dave… but if he’s trying to run away, somebody should tell him the locker room is the OTHER way!
DT: His eyes are wide and rolling wildly as he approaches the timekeeper’s table, and now Malcolm Joseph-Jones drops out of the ring in pursuit! Rezin has something else on his mind, shoving the timekeeper off of his chair… but he pushes the CHAIR aside too, and grabs his BUCKET OF SLUDGE!!
MN: YES!! Don’t let this fool humiliate you again, Rezin! Win this on YOUR terms!
DT: Rezin, with that bucket by the handle, turns around -- but THERE’S MALCOLM JOSEPH-JONES, grabbing him by the shoulder to pull him away from there!
MN: Damnit, DO SOMETHING!
DT: Rezin lets go of the bucket, but gets his HAND in there! Now he bucks MJ2 off and spins around…
SFX: *SLAP!!*
Crowd: “OOOOOOHHHH…”
DT: OPEN-HANDED SLAP to the face of the champ, leaving a BIG BLACK HAND-MARK right on the side of his face! The Television Champ looks absolutely FURIOUS!!
DM: He should NOT have done that!
DT: Rezin with hook -- BLOCKED by MJ2, who straightens the arm and nearly BUSTS the goat bastard across the steel ringpost with a whip! Rezin on the ringside floor, but Malcolm-Joseph Jones gets him right back up and slides him back into the ring as Pat Jones reaches the count of six! Joseph-Jones about to follow… but thinks of something else, turning back to the BUCKET OF SLIME!
Crowd: *POP!!*
MN: WHAT?! No… NO!! Don’t even THINK about it!
DT: He’s got the bucket by the handle and brings it with him up to the apron… but before he can go back inside, Pat Jones stands on the other side of the ropes, preventing him from getting back in as long as he’s got that foreign object! Jones is being FIRM right now, telling him to keep that disgusting thing out of the ring!
MN: Finally, the referee does something RIGHT!
DM: Credit to Pat Jones for trying to keep things clean, in any case!
DT: MJ2 looks angry and disappointed, and the fans sound the exact same… but he sets it down anyway and complies!
DM: That’s the way, Malc! Keep your emotions in check, especially when there’s a job to do! There will be plenty of time to even the score once you’ve won the match and successfully defended your title!
MN: What a coward! He could have covered Rezin in his own waste and made a statement!
DM: I think he’d rather make a statement by putting that scoundrel’s skull right into the mat!
DT: Malcolm Joseph-Jones is back in the ring, leaving the bucket on apron and near the turnbuckle so that it’s at least out of the way…
DM: Still, that distraction gave Rezin a chance to recover!
DT: Rezin still trying to get to his feet as Malcolm Joseph-Jones bears down on him, wiping the muck left on his face only moments ago! Rezin sees him coming and QUICKLY lands a low shot to the abs again to leave him reeling for a second! And like that, he’s up and off, and bouncing off the ropes… Rezin on the return, hops up for a FLYING DAMASCUS HEEL --
BUT HE INSTEAD RUNS RIGHT INTO THE SPEAR FROM MALCOLM-JOSEPH JONES!!
Crowd: *MEGA-POP!!*
MN: DAMBIT AGAIN!! He was just about to KICK HIS HEAD OFF, and that big purple buffoon just dipped the shoulder and RAN RIGHT THROUGH HIM!!
DT: Malcolm Joseph-Jones is an UNSTOPPABLE FORCE tonight! Now he’s ready to FINISH THIS OFF! Rezin gets lifted back to his feet… the Television Champion hooks the arm… hooks the LEG… going for the GREATNESS BUSTER --
-- but he DROPS HIM!? Wait, WHAT HAPPENED?!
DM: It looked like Rezin got his HAND in his face, or at least near it!
DT: Hold on… yes, I think he did! MJ2 is struggling with his goggles, trying to wipe a black SMUDGE left there by the challenger’s filth-soaked hand! It’s so thick, it’s blocking his vision!
MN: I thought he used those to HELP him see!
DT: MJ2 struggling with his goggles as Rezin struggles to his feet… finally, the champion just says to hell with them and rips them off his head! Back to Rezin, who’s back is turned, to finish the --
-- WAIT, REZIN REACHES UP and GRABS THE HEAD… and SAILS OVER HIM WITH THE REZIN HIT OUTTA NOWHERE!!
DM: WHAT!?!
Crowd: *GASP!!*
DT: THE CHAMP IS ON HIS BACK! REZIN HOOKS THE LEG!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!! I don’t believe it, HE GOT HIM!!
SFX: *DING! DING! DING!!*
[CUE UP: “Legalise Drugs and Murder” by Electric Wizard. The audience is stunned as Rezin rolls off of Malcolm Joseph-Jones before he can burst to his feet in rage. Rezin is beaming a maniacal smile and cackling with maddened glee.]
TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match…
...and NEW Empire Pro Television Champion…
Crowd: “BOOOO!!!”
TF: ...RRRREEEEEEZZZIIIIIIIINNN!!!
DT: An UNBELIEVABLE turn of events! Fans… I’m simply SHOCKED right now!
DM: I think most of the people in this arena are feeling the same, Dave! Everybody thought Malcolm Joseph-Jones was moments away from making his successful title defense after a rather dominant performance… but Rezin somehow managed to claw his way back from the brink of defeat and steal the EPW Television Belt right out from under him, all in a matter of seconds!
MN: Hey, I TOLD YOU guys not to count out a man when he gets desperate! Now everybody BOW to the new champ!
[Pat Jones raises Rezin’s arm in victory and hands him the EPW Television Title, which he promptly rips out of his hands and pines over in his extreme show of gloating. The Indianapolis crowd pelts him with a rain of garbage, both verbal and literal. Meanwhile, Malcolm Joseph-Jones, at the brink of his rage, gets to his feet and walks over to the far side of the ring…]
DT: Malcolm Joseph-Jones isn’t finish here, folks! He’s going to the ropes… HE’S GOT THE BUCKET OF SLUDGE!!
MN: Hey now, there’s no need for that! The match is OVER!!
DT: MJ2 isn’t letting that punk scamper out of here with the last laugh! Rezin sees him, and he’s trying to get out of there! Malcolm has him cornered… he’s got the bucket up, ready to dump it on him…
...but Rezin pulls PAT JONES IN THE WAY!!
Crowd: “BOOOOOOO!!!”
DT: GOOD GOD, no! The senior official of Empire Pro was just SOAKED in the SLUDGE, and the new Television Champion BOLTS from the ring like a felon fleeing the scene of a crime!
MN: HAHAHAHA!! Yet again, the Escape Artist GETS AWAY!!
DM: There wasn’t anything MJ2 could do to stop himself there! Pat Jones was just standing in the wrong place at the wrong time!
DT: A bitter finish to tonight’s events for the defeated Malcolm Joseph-Jones and the senior official… but for Rezin, a profound victory! After years of struggle and strife, Erik Black has FINALLY achieved his first major accomplishment in singles competition!
DM: Outside of holding the record for being on the receiving end of a superkick…
DT: What’s going to happen now that the belt is in Rezin’s tainted grasp? Will he follow through on his plan to DESTROY the belts one by one? Or does this being a dark chapter of sorrow in Empire Pro’s title division?
DM: Don’t doom and gloom on us now, Dave… just remember, Rezin got away by the skin of his teeth here tonight! And if I know the now former champion as well as I do, then I strongly feel that Malcolm Joseph-Jones won’t be so quick to move on…
MN: He won’t be moving on to ANYTHING, Dean-O! If anything, he’ll be moving DOWN the ranks after this embarrassing loss!
DT: Time will tell if that’s the case… but for tonight, Rezin’s name has been permanently stained in the EPW record books!
[Walking back up the rampway, the grinning Rezin holds up the Television Title, the face of the belt stained with his fingers. Back in the ring, Malcolm Joseph-Jones glares at him forebodingly, pointing at him and drawing a thumb across his neck.]
