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Aggression 68: San Diego, California - 9/21/12

DBrunkGXW

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[MUSIC UP: “Sixteen Saltines” by Jack White.]

[CUTTO: Impulse standing with the Aggression graphic rolling behind him.]

[CUTTO: Stalker covered in darkness his face seen by a small ray of light.]

[CUTTO: The Animezing Dragons walking towards the ring.]

[CUTTO: Eddie Burns throwing fire at the camera.]

[CUTTO: Kendall Codine walking to the ring.]

[CUTTO: Rezin smiling with a maniacal gleam in his eyes. ]

[CUTTO: Aaron Jones staring at the camera.]

[CUTTO: Jared Wells and Cameron Cruise looking down at the camera.]

[CUTTO: A graphic showing an old style map with the words “The Empire” across a giant swath of land.]

[CUTTO: Steven Shane flashing a big grin.]

[CUTTO: Muse smiling cheerfully.]

[CUTTO: Anarky glaring at the camera.]

[CUTTO: Lesbian Siegel and Caitlyn Daymon talking.]

[CUTTO: Larry Tact standing on the second rope, arms raised.]

[CUTTO: Point of View filming the camera as the camera films them.]

[CUTTO: “Triple X” Sean Stevens standing in the entrance.]

[CUTTO: Dis unmasking as The First.]

[CUTTO: The map, this time a tracking line heads towards a dot marked San Diego, California, when the line hits the dot, AGGRESSION 67, with KING OF THE CAGE: TAG TEAM EDITION 2012 bursts onto the screen in red letters.]
 

DBrunkGXW

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DARK MATCH PRE-SHOW

DARK MATCHES:

Los Luchas Frescas def. Stone & Steel Syndicate

Wolves of the Sea def. Sons of Tradition
 

DBrunkGXW

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ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

[[[CUT TO a backstage hallway earlier in the day, where Kenny Lombardo is interviewing the tag team champions, Animezing Dragon. They’ve just arrived, but Otaku is already in cosplay as Kaim from Lost Odyssey. “The Dragon” is wearing jeans and a white T-shirt with a blood splatter on the right side and the words “I’m fine” across the chest]]]

KL: Guys, coming into a tournament like this, do you think being champs is really an advantage? Steel cage matches are notorious! There’s got to be a winner, no DQ, no count out.

Otaku: We’re fine!

Karl: If you mean are we confident leaving as tag team champions, that’s one thing. I’d say we have a good chance of doing just that. It’s up to Heat Seekers tonight to pin or make us submit if they want to take the title.

KL: How do you mean?

[[[As Brown starts to answer we can hear some rather strange drunken singing getting closer to the camera]]]

Karl: Remember what happened when I wrestled Anarky? At the end of the night I was still the TV champion, but he’d moved on in the tournament. Heat Seekers can win the match by leaving the cage or they can

[[[The singing’s gotten a lot closer by now, to the point we can see two pirates, the Wolves of the Sea]]]

SM+JM: The hook of our cap’n is lookin’ at you, there’s no Peter Pan so what can you doooooo?

JM: Ya-hahahargh!

KL: Excuse me, guys, we’re in the middle of some

[[[Jameson shoves Kenny as Syd grabs the microphone]]]

JM: Eh, Syd, ain’t these those weasely rascals tha’ hold the treasure here in the Empire?

SM: [[[looking at Otaku]]] This one ain’t!

JM: Eh?

SM: He looks nothin’ like him! This one… this one though… he’s one of the guardians o’ the trasure, neigh doubt abou’ it.

Otaku: Hey!

Karl: Can we help you two?

JM: Aye! Aye, laddie, ye can. Ye can gi’ us the treasure!

SM: Jameson! Ye remember what our Cap’n said? Our Cap’n, he said we gotta earn the treasure in this here tournament, that be what he said! We cannae be askin’ tae just be given the treasure!

JM: I wasnae askin’ he tae… tae gi’ us the treasure!

SM: Ye were ya daft lad!

JM: I wasn’t!

SM: Ye were!

JM: Wasn’t!

[[[Brown shrugs his shoulders as Otaku looks confused as to what’s going on]]]

Karl: If I might interrupt! The way the brackets are lined up, if we beat Heat Seekers and you beat Sons of Tradition, we’re facing off in the next round, right?

[[[Syd looks like he’s trying to think, and grabs a parchment from his back pocket, studying it intently – if a drunken man can study or do it intently]]]

SM: Aye!

Karl: And even if Otaku and I lose, there’s a chance the Heat Seekers could be the tag team champions. So, you win tonight, you could be wrestling for the titles either way.

JM: What madness be he speakin’, Syd?

SM: He be speakin’ nay madness, Jameson! He be speakin’ sense! He be sayin’ what our Cap’n told us afore we made landfall this day!

JM: [[[to Brown]]]… did ye mention wenches?

Karl: [[[straight faced]]] No.

JM: He didnae say what out Cap’n say!

SM: Not the wenches part, limpet fer brains! We have our destiny in our hands! Tae get the treasure we just have tae win our contest tonight so we’re one step closer! One step further along the map tae X!

Karl: Don’t tell me he’s back.

Otaku: Good one, Dragon-domo!

[[[Jameson, hearing Otaku speak, looks straight at the anime lover, closely]]]

JM: Ye ken, Syd, I think this here chappy be Otaku. What kinda sorcery be this?

SM: I don’t know and I’m too drunk tae try and work it out.

JM: Ya ken… I think I wannae take the treasure from you two lan’lubbers.

Otaku: Seriously! Who talks like this?

JM: That’s it!

[[[Jameson lunges at Otaku, but Brown steps between the two, his eyes suddenly blazing]]]

Karl: That would be a bad idea. I don’t think Syd could win your match on his own.

SM: Jameson, lad, calm down. Save it fer the fight!

[[[Otaku moves in front of Brown, hands ready to snap into a fighting stance as he stares at the lighter wrestler]]]

Otaku: Pirates, huh?

[[[Jameson looks at Otaku with a look of “Yeah, so what?”]]]

Otaku: You look nothing like Monkey D.

JM: Who?

Otaku: You’ll find out. If you win tonight.

KL: [[[coming back into shot]]] He-hey! I was kind of in the middle of an interview…

[[[The Wolves of the Sea look at Kenny, then back at the tag team champions]]]

KL: Guys?

SM: Come on, matey. Let’s find some more mead!

JM: If they haven’ae got any mead, let’s break out the rum!

SM: RUM!

JM: YARGH!

[[[The two pirates, after one last intense glance at the champions, sway out of shot singing again]]]

Otaku: They’re weird.

[[[Kenny tries to carry on the interview, but Brown shakes his head and nods over towards the locker room. The champions head to their locker room, leaving Kenny and the cameraman alone]]]
 

DBrunkGXW

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Rezin-ation

[FADEIN: Sweeping overhead view of the crowd in the Valley View Casino Center, pyro exploding as the crowd roars louder, CUTTO: The broadcast table where Dave Thomas, Dean Martin and Mike Neely are seated.]

DT: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Aggression 68. The King of the Cage is upon us, and earlier tonight, things got underway, as Los Luchas Frescas defeated the Stone & Steel Syndicate, and Wolves of the Sea defeated the Sons of Tradition to move on to round two.

DM: Yeah, not much of a fight put up from either of the losing teams, kinda piggy-backing on their silence since the brackets were announced.

MN: Typical.

DT: Well, from here on out, we’re LIVE, as the first round of King of the Cage continues, ladies and gentlemen, but real quick, let’s run backstage to Kenny Lombardo, who is informing us of some breaking news happening behind the scenes! What’s the scoop, Kenny?

[We cut to backstage, where Kenny Lombardo is standing with a mic in his hand outside the door to the office of EPW Owner and CEO, “The Ego Buster” Dan Ryan.]

KL: Thank you, Dave... I’m afraid I don’t have much to say at this point, but there’s the potential for big news when we learn more. Just remember that you heard it from Kay-Lo first! There was some buzz tonight backstage, and I came down here to the office of EPW owner Dan Ryan to find out more about what was going down.

[He gestures to the door over his shoulder.]

KL: Mr. Ryan has his door locked for the time being, as he does not want to be disturbed... but a few minutes earlier, I happened to overhear part of a phone call. From what I could hear, and from what others have told me around the backstage area, the bossman is hard at work negotiating a new contract for a returning EPW superstar!

[Unable to withhold his excitement, he grin spreads ever so slightly. The audience sounds intrigued by the news.]

KL: So far, we have no idea who that may be or when they’ll be coming back, but given the recent surge of returning wrestlers coming out of retirement and returning to the ring, it certainly opens the floor to a lot of speculation! I’ve heard a number of names being thrown around, and there’s also a rumor that he or SHE may be a former champion, but so far, there isn’t enough information to narrow it down to anyone specific. Until we know more, however, you guys can rest assured that Empire Pro’s longtime field reporter KENNY LOMBARDO will be on...

[He trails off as he notices somebody walking up to him... and REZIN oozes into the shot next to him. Kenny immediately freezes up, partly because he’s overwhelmed with a noxious stench, and also because he hasn’t forgotten he left Rezin hanging without a ride on the San Francisco expressway weeks ago. The Goat Bastard grins like a hungry cat with a frightened rat grasped in its claws.]

Rezin: …sup, Kay-Lo?

KL: Uhh... hello, Rezin. It’s good to see that you managed to make it down here for tonight’s event...

Rezin: That’s right... but no thanks to YOU, huh? Thankfully, however, Empire Pro’s camera crews are equipped with the latest and greatest state of the art means of transportation. I sure hope THOSE poor bastards got back okay. Still, you left a bro hangin’ on the street, Kenny. That’s a low thing to do to a friend...

KL: Since when are we FRIENDS?! You broke into my home, tied me down into a chair, and made a horrible mess in my kitchen! Nevermind the fact that you keep kicking me in the FACE! I don’t know how you define friendship, but that is definitely NOT what friends do to each other!

Rezin: Okay, fair enough... we’ll just call it even from here on out. Kay, buuuuuddy?

[With a devil’s grin, he holds out his hand as a peace offering. Lombardo hesitates, and returns the handshake. Rezin instead pulls him right into a hug. Over the goat bastard’s shoulder, we can see the reporter’s face contorting into an expression of outright revulsion.]

Rezin: I LOVE you man... this place would be NOTHING without you and your microphone!

KL: Oh god... please get off me...

[Rezin backs off, but notices how tense the reporter looks.]

Rezin: Hey, bro... relax! You’re lookin’ all high-strung like there’s a broom up your ass! I told you, I won’t kick you in the face again... at least if you can go on without saying anything STUPID from here on out, anyway. But you’re a smart guy, Kenny. Always have been...

KL: Thank you, I guess... well, if you’re here in the arena tonight, does that mean that Anarky, your partner in the King of the Cage tournament, is here as well?

Rezin: Ehh... I don’t really know about ‘Nark’s current whereabouts. We don’t talk much... it gets in the way the awesome synergy we’ve got going on. I can tell you that he’s CLOSE, though. I can feel it. He’s lurking around back there somewhere, like the cold breeze before a storm... waiting and watching for his time to strike.

KL: You’ve certainly developed a strange level of devotion toward EPW’s Television “Anti” Champion. But do you think Anarky is really a person who can be trusted? How are you so sure he won’t just throw you under the bus?

Rezin: Trust has nothing to do with it, Kenny. Believe me, when ‘Nark and I walk into the cage at Aggression 69, all we need is the mutual desire to break the wills and crush the dreams of lesser-minded men. We’re not a team. We’re not a partnership. We’re just two lost souls finding our way to a quicker apocalypse, and burning everything that gets in our way.

KL: But people have been saying that you’re just riding Anarky’s coattails. It would almost appear that you NEED Anarky to help you overcome certain individuals that you know you can’t beat on your own.

Rezin: Ah, those haters... they’ll spin it in whatever way that makes me look weaker. The weaker I look, the better they feel... but they won’t be feeling great for much longer.

[He shakes his head, thinking of the doom that awaits those poor fools.]

Rezin: You see, I don’t see it as riding coattails, or anything like that. If anything, Anarky’s the kind of cat that rock’s a really LONG ass coat that is his single-minded determination to brutalize his ever opponent from head to toe, and he daring walks into the wind that is the adversity and criticism he’s faced ever since he put the cage’s crown on his head two years ago. I’m not so much riding those coattails as I am weighing them down, preventing them from flapping around wildly in all that wind and slowing his progress. I’m not USING Anarky for my own means... but rather, I’m HELPING him to walk his own path of destruction!

KL: Okay, if you say so, but let me ask you this... what if, when all is said and done, it turns out that you were WRONG about Anarky? What if it comes out that he’s the one weighing YOU down? What if the great “Anti” Champion you keep harping about falls and gets pinned, or possibly taps out?

[Rezin chuckles at this very notion.]

Rezin: The Anti-Champion? Fall? Good one, Kenny... but no, I won’t let that happen.

KL: But what if it DOES happen?

[Rezin’s entire demeanor suddenly changes. The smirk leaves his face. He stands perfectly still and looks directly into the reporter’s eyes through his sunglasses as he speaks in a calm and determined voice.]

Rezin: Like I said, Kenny... I... WON’T... LET... THAT... HAPPEN... under any circumstances whatsoever... even if that means I have to stick my neck out there and take the fall myself.

KL: So are you suggesting that you would willingly allow yourself to be beaten just to protect Anarky? You would sink that low, just to prevent anybody else from potentially proving that you’re WRONG about the “Anti” Champion?

Rezin: Whatever it takes. The people might hate us... but like it or not, they NEED their Anti-Champion. They need him now, more than ever... reminding each and every one of those brain-dead apes that watch us one show after the next what a REAL ring warrior is, behind all the hype and the gold. To fall is to be human... but Anarky is MORE human than human! If I was the one to eat the pin? Nobody would care... just the goat bastard doing what he does best, choking to death on the sludge that was once a bright and promising career. My sacrifice is NOTHING compared to what Anarky represents in that ring... and I’m willing to sacrifice a whole lot more, just so I can live long enough to have the satisfaction of seeing him burst one bloated ego after the next, like rotting melons...

KL: Do you have any idea how CRAZY you are?

[Rezin pauses for a moment, then snatches the reporter by the collar of his sportscoat.]

Rezin: Now then, buddy... didn’t I mention something to you about what happens when you start saying stupid things?

[Lombardo is about to panic... when suddenly, the office door comes swinging open and both men freeze beneath the shadow of “THE EGO BUSTER” DAN RYAN. He stands in the doorway for an awkward moment as Rezin and Lombardo look to him, then back at each other. Rezin’s aggression quickly backs off as he adjusts the collar on Kenny’s coat, pretending like he wasn’t just about to strangle him.]

Rezin: Uhh... what’s up, Bossman?

Ryan: Can I help either of you?

KL: Nope! Was just passing through... have a good one, sir!

[Before anything else can happen, Kenny flees out of the frame and hurries down the hallway. Rezin finds himself in a position that has plagued him for many years... standing in front of an irate Ego Buster, one smart-ass remark away from getting Humility Bombed through a table.]

Ryan: ...well?

Rezin: ...so, about that cage match at Aggression 69!

Ryan: NO, there won’t be a roof! Stop bothering me about it! Now if there’s nothing else, take your mindless ranting somewhere else in the arena! I’m trying to get some WORK done in here!

Rezin: Fine, okay... but I’m WATCHING you, Boss... don’t forget it!

[The goat bastard holds up a finger to accentuate the point... then jerks back slightly when he sees Ryan raises his arms, only to cross them defiantly over his chest. Trying to act cool to cover up for the fact that he was just inadvertently punked, Rezin strolls off down the other way. Rolling his eyes, Ryan goes back into his office and slams the door behind him.]
 

DBrunkGXW

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KOTC: ROUND 1 - SCARF v. Team VIAGRA

DT: Welcome back everyone… Rezin is really pushing his luck with the boss here lately.

MN: The man has balls.

DM: Not much brains though, it would seem.

DM: Ahem… moving on in the tournament here tonight, Tony Davis and Jack Harmen, the man formerly known as High Flyer, will reunite as Team VIAGRA here tonight in a first-round match against the South and Central American Renegades of Fire – or SCARF, for short.

MN: Did you have that written down on a cue card, Matthews?

DM: Of course, we know quite well what Team VIAGRA can bring to the table after their previous run in EPW, but with Jack Harmen making headlines in the ULTRATITLE tournament, there’s no telling the heights to which they might climb in the King of the Cage.

MN: Yeah, Jack Harmen’s a big success in singles, but tag team wrestling is a totally different game, and I think he and Tony Davis might just be surprised by what SCARF brings to the table!

DT: Let’s send it to Tony Fatora.

[Cue up: A Mariachi version of “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” sung in Spanish. Umpiro and Big Dave Barista burst through the curtains to the boos of the crowd and, after playing to them a little bit in the entranceway, start their walk down to the ring]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a King of the Cage first-round tournament match-up, which can be won by pinfall, submission or escaping the cage. Introducing first, at a total combined weight of 449 pounds, Umpiro and Big Dave Barista, the South and Central American Renegades of Fire – SCAAAARRRRRF!

DM: We sure have some interesting teams in this tournament, don’t we?

MN: You’re not implying that SCARF isn’t a serious team, are you, Matthews? I’ll have you know these two are a force to be reckoned with in South and Central America!

DM: I’m just saying they have a strange way about them, that’s all. Unless you’d care to argue that vampiric baseball officials and overcaffeinated behemoths are par for the course in their countries of origin.

MN: How do you know they’re not?

[SCARF enter the cage and pose on the turnbuckles to the boos of the crowd]

DT: Their unorthodox attitudes notwithstanding, SCARF are actually one of three teams from south of the border in the King of the Cage tournament – earlier tonight, we saw Los Luchas Frescas pick up a victory over the Stone & Steel Syndicate, and at Aggression 69, the Mexi-CATS will lock horns with the makeshift team of Larry Tact and Steven Shane.

DM: Actually, if SCARF are victorious tonight, they’ll meet Los Luchas Frescas in the next round.

MN: Too bad all three of those teams aren’t in separate brackets. We could have a three-way, all-Mexican finals match! Except Big Dave Barista, of course, who’s from Colombia, but who’s counting?

DM: Even if the brackets were laid out that way, the team in the middle bracket would have a tough row to hoe with the three mega-teams there – Impulse and Sean Stevens, Rezin and Anarky, and Cameron Cruise and the First.

[Cue up: “I Hope You Die” by the Bloodhound Gang. A big pop from the crowd heralds the appearance of Jack Harmen and Tony Davis. Harmen in particular feeds off the energy of the crowd as the two head toward the ring]

TF: And their opponents, at a total combined weight of 480 pounds, Jack Harmen and Tony Davis, Teeeeeeeeeeeam VIAGRAAAAAAAAAAAA!

DM: Listen to this ovation for Team VIAGRA! Wrestling fans the world over have seen Jack Harmen in a new light lately, and it sounds to me that they like what they see!

DT: Jack Harmen has indeed been turning a lot of heads lately. Let’s see if he can keep all those eyes on him in the King of the Cage.

MN: Look, there’s no denying Jack Harmen has seen some serious success in recent weeks. But let’s face it: He’s burning the candle at both ends by competing in King of the Cage as well, and if he starts to crack under the pressure, I don’t know if Tony Davis can pick up the slack!

DM: Tony Davis is a more than capable competitor in his own right, Mike, but you’re right that the strain of competing in ULTRATITLE and King of the Cage could have an effect on Jack Harmen, and it’s hard to say if that effect could be positive.

[Team VIAGRA enter the cage and continue to play to the crowd. Umpiro glares at them from an opposite corner, while Barista is handed a huge cup of coffee by a vendor he’s cajoled out of the crowd. He downs the thing in one huge gulp, crushes the foam cup in his hand and tosses it out of the ring, nearly beaning – no pun intended – the timekeeper with it]

MN: Team VIAGRA might be all fired up, but take a gander at the look in the eyes of Umpiro – he’s thirsty for blood! I don’t know if these two can match up to the raw ferocity of Umpiro and the power of Big Dave Barista.

DM: Big Dave Barista might get a burst of energy from that coffee, but if all those 5 Hour Energy commercials have taught me anything, he’d better hope this match finishes fast, before he crashes.

DT: Or has to go to the bathroom.

MN: You guys are just determined not to give SCARF a fair shake, aren’t you?

DM: Once that bell rings, if they can show me they’re a force to be reckoned with, I’ll be glad to eat my words, Mike.

SFX: Ding! Ding!

DT: And here we go! The two teams circling each other, jockeying for position – but it looks like we’re going to see Jack Harmen start things out with Umpiro and Tony Davis start things out with Big Dave Barista. Stereo collar-and-elbow tie-ups—

MN: No! SCARF with stereo kicks to the midsection! I love it!

DM: And SCARF now hammering away at Team VIAGRA! They’re looking to get every advantage they can get here in the early going.

DT: Umpiro slams Harmen face-first into the buckle, and now lays into him with kicks to the midsection in the corner! Barista backs Davis into the corner and starts nailing him with big shoulderblocks to the midsection!

MN: And the best part is, the referee can’t do a thing about it! Inside a steel cage, it’s all legal!

DM: SCARF with a double Irish whip – but Harmen leapfrogs Davis! Davis with a big clothesline to Umpiro, and Harmen connects with a flying forearm to Barista! Barista stumbles back into the corner, and Harmen lays into him with knife-edge chops!

DT: Meanwhile, Davis hauls Umpiro onto his shoulder – and launches him face-first into the cage! Umpiro is down! And Davis heads over to Barista!

MN: That’s an illegal double team! Come on, ref, get in there!

DM: Not 20 seconds ago, you were talking about how great it was that anything goes in a steel cage!

DT: Team VIAGRA with a double Irish whip, sending Barista to the opposite corner! Davis grabs Harmen, whips him into Barista – and now charges in himself with a huge clothesline! Barista out of the corner, hooked up by Team VIAGRA, and a double suplex! Harmen into a cover!


One!


Two!


And Barista powers out!

DM: Davis pulls Barista up to a seated position and drives a knee into the back! Harmen off the ropes – and a stiff dropkick right to the face of Barista! Another cover by Harmen!


One!


Two!


And Barista powers out again!

DT: Team VIAGRA with Barista back to his feet, and a big scoop slam by Davis! Harmen off the ropes, Davis lifts him up and flapjacks him right onto Barista! Harmen hooks the leg!


One!


Two!


And again, Barista able to power out!

MN: Even in the face of a double-team, the strength of Big Dave Barista is not to be underestimated! Team VIAGRA can keep putting him down, but he keeps getting right back up!

DT: Team VIAGRA bring Barista to his feet again, send him to the ropes, looking for a double backdrop – but Barista catches Davis with a kick to the head!

DM: And there’s Umpiro with a spinning heel kick to put Harmen down! Barista off the ropes, and he nails Davis with a big clothesline of his own!

DT: Barista sends Umpiro off the ropes – and he catches Harmen in a spinning headscissors! Umpiro going around and around – and there’s the Grande Quadrangular!

MN: It’s as much fun to watch as it is to say!

DM: Meanwhile, Barista brings Davis to his feet, scoops him up and drives him back-first into the cage! Barista still holding on, and there’s the World’s Strongest Black Coffee Slam!

DT: Barista now holds the arms of Harmen as Umpiro goes to the top rope! Umpiro off the top with a flying cross-body to Harmen! Umpiro hooks the leg!


One!


Two!


No! Harmen able to get the shoulder up!

DM: Barista grabs the downed Harmen, looking for a Mexican surfboard – and he’s got it! Harmen is being painfully stretched out!

MN: Here it comes!

Umpiro: [singing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” in Spanish. Sorry, I’m too lazy to look up a literal translation]

MN: It’s the 7th Inning Stretch! And Umpiro is punctuating it with the occasional stomp to the head of Davis!

DM: This capacity crowd here tonight does not appreciate Umpiro’s singing skills, and they’re letting him know it!

MN: They’d better mind their manners if they don’t want their blood to become Umpiro’s personal property!

DT: Umpiro off the ropes, and he connects with a dropkick to Harmen! Barista releases the hold, and Umpiro with the cover!


One!


Two!


Th-no! Harmen kicks out! It could have been over right there!

DM: SCARF bring Harmen back to his feet – but here’s Davis! Davis with shots to both members of SCARF! Off the ropes – and he runs right into the Americano from Barista!

MN: He almost took Tony Davis’ head off with that big boot! Barista brings Davis to his feet – and plants him on the canvas with a Liger Bomb!

DM: And now Barista is heading back over to Harmen! Barista with a standing headscissors, and Umpiro is going up top! This could be the Cappucino Crunch! Barista with Harmen up for the power bomb!

DT: No! Harmen goes over top of Barista and counters into a sunset flip!


One!


Two!


No! Barista able to kick out!

DM: Both men back to their feet, and a dropkick by Harmen sends Barista back into the turnbuckle! Umpiro makes a very unpleasant landing on that steel buckle!

DT: Harmen with a dropkick to the knee of Barista, putting him down on all fours! Harmen backing away – what’s he doing here? Harmen with a running start!

Crowd: [Pop]

DM: What an incredible maneuver by Harmen! Harmen used the back of Barista as a springboard to jump up and take Umpiro off the top rope with a picture-perfect huracanrana! And now Harmen is rallying!

MN: Come on, SCARF, it’s two-on-one after that big power bomb to Davis! How can you not be winning?

DM: Harmen up to the top rope, and he soars off with a flying Lou Thesz press to Barista! Harmen hammers away at Barista with right hands!

DT: Harmen usually executes that move as a springboard, but a springboard is ill-advised in a steel cage, and the veteran Harmen is sharp enough to realize that!

DM: Harmen grabs Umpiro as he regains his feet – Lunatic Bomb! Harmen with the cover!



One!



Two!



No! Barista breaks it up!

DT: Barista brings Harmen to his feet, scoops him up, but Harmen slides down the back! Harmen with a kick to the midsection – and there’s the Cold Snow! The head of Barista is driven into the mat! Harmen with the cover!



One!



Two!



No! This time, it’s Umpiro who breaks it up!

DM: Umpiro brings Harmen up, and Harmen fights back with right hands! But Umpiro with a rake of the eyes!

MN: That’s how you bring things back under control!

DM: Umpiro grabs Harmen and nails him with a snap suplex! Umpiro bringing Harmen up to his knees – he’s looking for Huelga de Tres!

MN: And it could very well be strike three for Team VIAGRA in this one!

DT: Umpiro loads up the big right hand – but Harmen able to duck out of the way! Umpiro made himself dizzy on the follow-through, and Harmen with a kick to the midsection! Hooks Umpiro up – Hypothermia! Harmen shakes out the cobwebs, and there’s a cover!



One!



Two!



No! Barista able to pull Harmen off at the last second!

DM: Harmen’s going back and forth between Umpiro and Barista so fast, they can barely keep up with him!

MN: Hey! They’re keeping up enough to stop him from scoring the winning pinfall, and in this kind of match, that’s all that matters!

DT: Barista grabs Harmen by the arm, and he puts him down with a short-arm clothesline! And Barista is saying this one is over!

DM: Barista with another standing headscissor – we could be about to see the Espresso Shot! He’s got Harmen up!

DT: No! Davis is up, and he nails Barista with a kick to the midsection! Harmen breaks free, Davis grabs the head of Barista – SHHH~!

DM: The face of Barista driven into the canvas by that reverse Russian legsweep of Davis! Harmen is back up, and Davis brings Barista to his feet!

Davis: Hey! Lemme have this pin!

MN: Oh no! Not the Viagra-Bomb! Come on, Umpiro, where are you?

DT: Barista set up for the Viagra-Bomb – but he’s fighting out with elbows to Davis! Harmen catches a back elbow as well! Here’s Umpiro with a neckbreaker to Davis, and Barista launches Harmen face-first right into the cage!

DM: Umpiro now shoves Davis into Barista, Barista with a kick to the midsection – and he nails Davis with a hellacious gourdbuster!

MN: Umpiro is calling for the end, and you know what that means!

DT: Barista brings Davis into the electric chair position while Umpiro goes up top! If the Moon Shot Latte connects, this one is all over!

DM: No, wait! Harmen shakes the top rope, and Umpiro lands precariously on the turnbuckle once again!

MN: He just can’t catch a break in this match!

DM: Davis hammering away on the head of Barista, and Barista is starting to sag under his weight!

DT: Locomotive!

DM: Barista lowered his head right into the range of Harmen’s Yakuza kick, and Harmen just took it right off! Big Dave Barista is down!

DT: Davis is back to his feet, and he joins Umpiro on the top rope! Things aren’t looking good for SCARF!

MN: Hey, it’s not over yet!

DT: Davis with Umpiro on the top rope – C4 sends Umpiro crashing to the mat! And now Harmen is up on the top rope! *****1/2 Frog Splash!

DM: That’s the Natural High! Harmen with the cover!



One!



Two!



Three!

SFX: Ding! Ding!

[Cue up: “I Hope You Die” by the Bloodhound Gang]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners: Jack Harmen and Tony Davis, Teeeeeeeeeeeeam VIAGRAAAAAAAAAA!

DT: And Team VIAGRA advances to the quarterfinals of the King of the Cage tournament with an impressive victory!

MN: And I had such high hopes for SCARF!

DM: SCARF put up a good fight, but with the hot streak Jack Harmen has been on lately, it’s no easy task standing up to him and Tony Davis!

DT: And with Los Luchas Frescas advancing earlier this evening with a victory over the Stone & Steel Syndicate, we know who Team VIAGRA will be facing in the next round!

MN: Well, I’ve still got plenty of teams still alive in this tournament. My bracket’s still alive yet!

DT: Don’t go anywhere, EPW fans, because we’ve got more King of the Cage action coming up at Aggression 68! But first, a word from a company that does not sponsor us in any way, MCDONALDS!!!


 
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DBrunkGXW

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KOTC: ROUND 1 - LaLiberte/Light v. Impulse/Sean Stevens

[Cue: "Indestructible" by Disturbed. Christian Light and Michel LaLiberte walk down the aisle. The team gets a positive crowd response from the attendees in San Diego. The team slaps hands with the fans as they walk down the aisle. They reach the ring, look at the steel cage, conversing before entering the awaiting open door to enter the structure.]

TF: Coming to the ring and representing the Defiance wrestling organization. The team of CHRRRRISTIAN LIIIIGHT and MICHELLLLL LALALALIIIBERRRTEEE!

[The team is standing inside the cage and high-five one another. They pump up the crowd and Christian Light tosses his t-shirt over the cage into the crowd.]

DT: This is a very talented team. I think they may have their work cut out for them this evening.

DM: These men are no strangers to the squared circle. There is a ton of experience between the two men and they may surprise some people with their performance tonight. I wouldn’t be shocked if they scored an upset on a team that is one of the favorites to win this entire tournament.

MN: [Laughing.] Are you being serious right now? These two are a complete joke…a laughingstock! Just wait until my man, Sean Stevens, steps into the ring with them. He will wipe the mat with these clowns.

DT: None of us doubt the ability of Impulse and Sean Stevens, but you can’t overlook this tandem. They have had a tremendous amount of success competing in Defiance and no matter how good you are…that steel cage can be an equalizer. It’s anybody’s match in my opinion.

MN: Of course you would think that…you nimrod. Don’t get me started on the accomplishments of the team that Tony Fatora is about to introduce. Although I don’t care much for Impulse, the man is a former Intercontinental champion here and has a proven track record. But I think we all know, the bread and butter of this team is Triple X! Yeah baby!

DM: And here they come!

[Cue: “King Back” by T.I. Impulse and Sean Stevens step onto the stage to a loud crowd reaction. They walk down the aisle and slap hands with some of the fans before meeting at the cage. They give each other a pep talk and appear to be extremely focused on the task at hand. Impulse and Stevens enter the cage and raise their arms in the air, soaking in the cheers from the San Diego crowd.]

FT: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome first from New York City, weighing in at 188 pounds, “The Marathon Man”…here is IMMMMMPULLLLSSE! And his partner, hailing from Orlando, Florida and weighing in at 243 pounds, he the “Blue Eyed Badass”, give it up for “Triple X” SEAN STEEEEEVENNNNSSSSS!

[The crowd is getting behind the team of Stevens and Impulse, cheering them all as the bell rings. It sounds as if the crowd is dueling it out with the chants. One half chanting “Impulse” the other half responding with “Stevens”.]

DM: This crowd is absolutely on fire tonight. They love this team and who could blame them? These two are the cream of the crop here in Empire Pro.

MN: Well…you are half right. Triple X is without a doubt the greatest wrestler on the face of the Earth. The man is an active Hall of Famer, held World titles in practically every federation he has competed in. And more importantly than that…he is my absolute all time favorite! The man deserves to have streets and rec centers named after him. He is a humanitarian. A goodwill ambassador. A pillar to the community. A…

DT: We all love Sean Stevens…ok. But give it a rest, will you? You are praising the man past the point of obsession.

DM: The bell rings and we are underway!

MN: Oh…look at this. It’s a handshake between these teams to start this off. How sickening? Just get in there and fight it out. This is so lame.

DT: A show of sportsmanship there. These two teams have a lot of respect for each other.

DM: They pair off, Stevens and Light with a collar and elbow tie-up. Impulse and LaLiberte do the same.

DT: Christian Light now has Stevens in a side-headlock. Impulse reversing on Michel LaLiberte and now has him in an armbar.

DM: Stevens throws a few elbows to the gut of Light and tosses him into the ropes to break the hold. Light bounces off, ducks a clothesline attempt by Stevens, bounces off the ropes again and hits Triple X with a shoulderblock. Then follows it up by dropping an elbow on him!

MN: NO! Come on Stevens, get it together, man. You can’t let this guy manhandle you like that!

DT: Impulse with LaLiberte now. He has him in a full nelson, trips out his leg, and Michel hits the canvas face-first with the force of Impulse’s weight behind it! Impulse slips down and cinches in the STF!

DM: Light has Stevens in a bearhug. Impulse spots his partner in trouble…bounces off the ropes and absolutely nails him with a dropkick from behind!

DT: Light releases Stevens and is staggering around. Impulse bounces off the ropes and hits Christian with a bulldog!

MN: Check on your partner, you prick!

DT: Stevens regaining his senses and Impulse goes back to LaLiberte who is getting to his feet. Impulse charges at Michel, who sidesteps him and sweeps the legs right out from under Impulse!

DM: Impulse hits the mat hard and LaLiberte measures him up and drops a knee on his head!

DT: Stevens and Light are both a bit groggy getting to their feet. Light throws a knife edge chop at him and Stevens blocks it and counters with a headbutt to the face of Christian!

MN: That’s what I’m talking about. Show that killer instinct that led you to greatness! Come on, Stevens…make him pay!

DM: Stevens takes it to Light with several punches to the head. He has him backed into the corner…stands up on the second rope and rains down on Christian Light with multiple fists as the crowd counts along.

[The crowd counting the punches.]

CROWD: FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN!

DM: Stevens steps off the ropes and Light appears to be on dream street. He wobbles out of the corner, throws a few knife edge chops in the air, and crashes face-first to the canvas!

DT: Impulse is now being worked over by LaLiberte, in a camel clutch! Stevens spots his partner in a compromising predicament and clubs Michel with a barreling forearm shot across the chest. LaLiberte winces in pain and releases the hold. Stevens lifts him to his feet by his hair and after a few knees to the gut…whips him into the ropes. Sean times it perfectly and nails him with a huge back body drop!

DM: Stevens now going for the pin.

ONE!

TWO!

THR….NO! Michel kicks out and Stevens appears to be determined to eliminate him from the contest!

DT: He goes back to work on LaLiberte as he gets to his feet. Stevens from behind…BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX! OH! That HAD to hurt!

DM: Stevens now lifting Michel to his feet. He grabs him by the hair and tosses him into the cage! LaLiberte his with such impact that the cage is shaking. Michel has fallen to the ring apron between the ropes and the steel fencing.

MN: Pick him up and use the cage as a cheese grater! Shred his face up, Trips!

DT: Impulse and Light are now doing some chain wrestling. Holds and counter holds. Light, the larger of the two, manhandles him by tossing him to the mat. Following it up with an elbow to the prone Impulse.

DM: Stevens has his boot to the throat of LaLiberte and is using the ropes for leverage while he is sandwiched between the ropes and the cage.

MN: Yeah…get after it, Triple X!

DT: Christian Light lifts Impulse to his feet…DDT! And he goes for the quick pin…

ONE!

TWO!

NO! Kickout by Impulse!

DM: Light assessing the situation. He climbs up to the second rope, jumps off with a kneedrop! Impulse looks in bad shape.

DT: Light now turning his attention to his partner being choked out by Stevens. Christian bounces off the ropes and attempts a clothesline on Stevens, but Sean moves out of the way and Light smacks into the cage with all of his force! Collapsing on the mat.

DM: Stevens now lifting Light to his feet…he throws a few knees to the midsection and sets him up for a big powerbomb!

MN: He’s done…no way Light has anything left in the tank after that.

DM: LaLiberte is now up and going after Stevens. They are brawling it out in the center of the ring.

DT: Impulse and Light are getting to their feet. They spot each other. Impulse and Light tangle up and trading blows. Impulse with chops and Light throwing chops as well.

MN: All four men are on their feet and this thing has turned into a pier-six brawl!

DT: LaLiberte is getting the best of Stevens now. He whips Sean into the ropes and levels him with a vicious clothesline! He lifts Stevens to his feet…swinging neckbreaker!

MN: NO! NO! He is cheating!

DM: What? Are you blind? Of course you are…blinded by your love of anything Triple X.

MN: I do have an extensive collection of films in that genre…but that has nothing to do with it. Sean Stevens can do no wrong in my book.

DM: Impulse has taken too many fists to the head and is on bended knee.

MN: Is he proposing to Light? Oh…how cute. This guy needs to grow a pair and man up. I am sick of his goody-two-shoes ways. There is no place for that in professional wrestling. He is really doing damage to the cool factor that Stevens has going for him.

DT: Light has Impulse up in a suplex…NO…BRAINBUSTER! Light and LaLiberte are now standing tall. This could spell the end for Impulse and Stevens.

DM: This see-saw battle is not looking too good for the Empire Pro representatives.

DT: Light and LaLiberte are now lifting Stevens to his feet. Perhaps a double-team maneuver is upcoming.

DM: LaLiberte whips Sean into the ropes, back body drop...and wait! While Stevens is in the air, Light runs out and hits an Ace crusher on him! WOW! What a crafty move that was!

DT: He timed it perfectly and look at the impact of it. I think Stevens may be done for. LaLiberte follows it up with a senton off the top and hooks the leg.

ONE!

TWO!

NO! Impulse out of nowhere breaks it up! Where did he come from.

DM: He took whatever strength he had left and made the save on his partner.

MN: Finally…Impulse is good for something!

DT: Light is now working over Impulse with chops. LaLiberte now joining in and they are now going to perhaps set Impulse up for another double-team move.

DM: Stevens is now moving on the mat. He took a heck of a shot a minute ago.

DT: LaLiberte is slapping on an abdominal stretch onto Impulse. He wrenches it in a few times and releases the hold. Christian Light is now working on Impulse and locks in the Light Leg Lock. A modified Texas cloverleaf.

DM: LaLiberte is now trying to climb the cage to escape. Stevens is getting to his feet and sees this. Michel has reached the top and as he tries to swing his leg over…Stevens has grabbed on to it!

MN: I think he is pissed off right about now…time to stop playing with these guys and go for the kill!

DT: LaLiberte is trying to fight it, but Stevens is not letting up…and drags him down from the top.

MN: Lil’ Berte…what his deal anyway? Is he a hip-hop artist? Yo…word to the mutha.

DT: Michel LaLiberte was trying to fight him, but Stevens was having none of it.

DM: While this was going on, Christian Light saw what Stevens did, releasing the hold on Impulse, and is sticking up for his tag partner.

DT: Stevens and Light are now exchanging shots.

DM: Impulse is slapping his legs, trying to get the blood to circulate. LaLiberte leans down to lift him up…Impulse counters with a small package!

ONE!

TWO!

NO! Michel kicks out and now successfully lifts Impulse to his feet.

DT: He has him backed into the corner and is delivering a few forearm shots to Impulse, trying to soften him up.

MN: He is already pretty soft.

DM: In the opposite corner, Light has Stevens in a similar situation. Light and LaLiberte look over at each other. They are trying to synchronize some type of move it appears.

DT: They whip Stevens and Impulse towards the center of the ring to bounce off of each other…but NO! They meet in the center of the ring for a do-se-do! Turning their momentum back onto Light and LaLiberte!

DM: Forearm smashes to Light and LaLiberte! Now Stevens has LaLiberte in the corner in a dazed state, likewise Impulse has Light. Sean and Impulse look over their shoulders…turnabout is fair play.

DT: They whip Light and LaLiberte into the center of the ring…and they do a do-se-do!

MN: Is this a wrestling match or a hoe-down?

DT: They spin out towards Stevens and Impulse and are met with SUPERKICKS IN STEREO!

DM: SUDDEN IMPACT and X-FACTOR in synchronicity!

DT: They go for the cover…the ref is counting down both LaLiberte and Light.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

Oh my! What a finish to this match-up!

DM: I think they may have taken Michel and Christian a little too lightly tonight. But they have won the bout and are standing triumphant in the cage!

TF: The winners of the match and moving on to Round Two of the King of the Cage Tag Team Tournament…SEAN STEVENS and IMPULSE!

MN: I knew Sean Stevens would find a way. Impulse is holding him back.

DT: These two men have a common bond in Eli Flair and are the best of friends. I think they will learn from this match and carry this momentum into the next round.

DM: No doubt about it.

DT: Folks, we'll be right back after these words from HOLLAND CASINO!!


 
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DBrunkGXW

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KOTC: ROUND 1 - EPW TAG TITLES: Animezing Dragons (cc) vs. The Heatseakers

[Bell rings. MUSIC UP: “Pulse of the Maggots” by Slipknot. Curtis Penn and Tyson Burke make their way down the ramp, the crowd with a bit of a mixed reaction for the newcomers.]

TF: The following contest is a first round match in the King of the Cage tournament…AND it is for the EPW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!! Making their way to the ring at a total combined weight of 435 pounds, CURTIS PENN! TYSON BURKE!! THE HEATSEAKERS!!

DT: The Heatseakers have drawn the first chance at taking out the Animezing Dragons and winning the EPW World Tag Team Titles, can this duo of newcomers shock the Empire and claim the gold here tonight?

MN: I’d have more faith in them if they spelled the word “Seeker” right, what the heck is up with the A in that name?

DT: I have no idea, but what I do know is that these two young men look to be in great shape and maybe being so young and new to EPW they don’t know what they are getting themselves into and that gives them an edge here tonight.

DM: They’ll need every edge they can get because the tag champs have been rolling for a long time now.

[MUSIC UP: “Ikari No Jyushin” and the crowd pops BIG as the Animezing Dragons make their way to the ring. Karl Brown and Otaku high fiving the fans as get closer to the steel cage.]

TF: And their opponents, weighing in at a total combined weight of 441 pounds…They are the EPW World Tag Team Champions! KARL BROWN! OTAKU!!! THE ANIMEZING DRAGONS!!! [Pop!]

[The Dragons hit the ring and hold their tag belts high, the crowd roaring in approval, the Dragons then hand the belts off to the ref, the ref hands the belts out of the ring, the cage door is locked and chained shut and the bell rings.]

DT: The bell rings and the Heatseakers and the Dragons pair off and are trading shots. Burke and Otaku, Penn and Brown, The Heatseakers back the Dragons into opposite corners…They whip the Dragons at each other…OTAKU LEAPFROGS BROWN! BOTH MEN CLOTHESLINE DOWN THE HEATSEAKERS! They pair up quickly…DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE TO PENN! DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE TO BURKE!

DM: The Dragons have so much experience as a team, they are just a well-oiled machine in that ring, coming up counters to save themselves and key double team moves.

MN: They are the tag champs for a reason, I get it Dean.

DT: The Dragons grab Penn and DRIVE him into the cage…Now he’s sent to the ropes…FLAPJACK BY THE CHAMPIONS! THE Y COVER!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: Burke breaks it up and he pushes Otaku into the ropes…Otaku sent to the other side…LAUNCHED BY A BACKDROP! Otaku crashes to the mat, Brown on Burke now and the two trading shots…Penn up from behind Brown and the Heatseakers grab Brown and HE GETS SMASHED INTO THE CAGE! They hold him up, run to the other side…DRIVE KARL BROWN AGAIN INTO THE STEEL!

MN: These kids are not intimidated! I smell an upset brewing!

DT: Brown sent to the mat, Penn grabs Burke…SLAMS HIM ONTO BROWN!! A COVER!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: Otaku breaks the pin! Otaku unleashing knife edge chops on Penn, staggering him into a corner…Burke spins Otaku around and throws a right…Blocked! Otaku laces his chest with a chop, and then hits Penn with one, Burke hit with a chop! Brown back to his feet and now he DECKS Burke with a right hand…The Dragons grab Penn and whip him into the corner…Brown drops down in front of him…OTAKU USES BROWN AS A SPRINGBOARD TO THROW A KICK TO THE HEAD OF PENN! PENN STAGGERS INTO AN INSIDE CRADLE BY BROWN!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: Penn kicks out and Burke catches Otaku with a dropkick to the chin! The Heatseakers double teaming Brown now, both men unloading on him with punches and a DOUBLE SUPLEX! They gtab Otaku…HE’s UP!! LANDS ON HIS FEET…DROPKICK TO BURKE! DROPKICK TO PENN!

DM: This has been a seesaw match-up between both teams, I just wonder if these kids can hang on against the experience of the Dragons.

MN: They got this, upset time baby!

DM: Why are you rooting for the Heatseakers all of a sudden?

MN: Cause upsets are fun and I don’t care for the Dragons at all!

DT: Brown back up…Both Dragons hammering away at the Heatseakers…Otaku now leaves Penn and he’s climbing the cage...Brown sees him and he too makes a move to escape the cage…Both men climbing opposite corners…Penn catching Brown, but Burke lagging behind Otaku who’s over the top…

MN: Let him go! Go after Brown and double team him!

DT: Burke not listening to your advice and now he and Otaku are both on the outside of the cage…Penn and Brown fighting on the top rope inside the ring, and Burke and Otaku have both escaped the cage!

DM: Both members of a team have to touch down to make the team win, so this match continues.

MN: Thanks captain obvious, you want to explain the NFL overtime rules while we’re here?

DT: Penn and Brown now both on the top rope…Brown with a series of right hands sends Penn CRASHING TO THE MAT! Brown now measuring the fallen man…OFF THE TOP ROPE SPLASH! Brown nailed that move and now he flips Penn onto his stomach…LOCKS IN AN STF!!

DM: There’s no rope breaks, the cage favors submission attempts in the ring and Penn is trapped in that STF!

DT: Burke sees what is happening to his partner and now he’s jumped onto the cage and he’s climbing trying to get back into the cage…Burke is up top…Brown sees him and he lets go and runs to the other side and is climbing out! Burke is trapped in no man’s land and now frantically trying to chase Brown who’s is already to the top of the cage and climbing down…Burke racing over and now trying to grab Brown through the mesh of the cage to hold onto him…OTAKU GRABBING BROWN’S LEGS…HE PULLS HIM DOWN!! BROWN’S FEET TOUCH AND THE DRAGONS HAVE WON IT!!

[Bell rings, the crowd pops as “Ikari No Jyushin” plays]

TF: Here are your winners…AND STILL…EPW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!! KARL BROWN AND OTAKU!! THE ANIMEZING DRAGONS!!!

DT: Burke made a rookie mistake and the Heatseakers paid for it dearly!

DM: This was a hard fought contest, but in the end the Dragons take advantage of a break presented to them to secure a win.

MN: Bah…Their luck will run out at some point in this tournament, mark my words!

DT: They are marked Neely and we’ll be back after these words from DirecTV Espanol!
 

DBrunkGXW

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KOTC Round 1 - Dirk Dickwood Presents v. The First (c) & Cameron Cruise

[FADEIN: The camera panning along one of the sides of the steel cage. The bell rings.]

TF: The following contest is the MAIN EVENT of the evening and is a first round match in the King of the Cage tournament!

[MUSIC UP “Going Gets Tough” by Billy Ocean, The crowd starts jeering as Dirk Dickwood makes his way towards the ring, flanked by Hank, and then followed by Cecilworth J. Farthington, who in turn is followed by four large men who have shirts reading “Trainer” across the chest.]

TF: Making their way to the ring led by Dirk Dickwood…Weighing in at a total combined weight of 29 stone…CECILWORTH J. FARTHINGTON!!! HANK!!! DIRK! DICKWOOD! PRESENTS!!!

DT: This is quite the impressive mass of humanity we have here on their way to the ring, as Farthington and Hank are looking to pull off a major upset here in the main event.

DM: It might be a major upset if The First and Cameron Cruise can work together, but given what happened at Black Dawn, these two men might have a great shot at making a statement for themselves in this match tonight.

MN: I hope they do! I hope Cruise sells out that painted up moron and turns this into a 3 on 1 blood letting

[Farthington and Hank hit the ring as Dickwood and the army of trainers stand at ringside, the crowd getting on Farthington with catcalls and insults. After a moment the music cuts out and then MUSIC UP: “Killing In The Name Of” by Rage Against The Machine, the crowd cheers as Cameron Cruise powerwalks to the ring.]

TF: And their opponents…From Jacksonville North Carolina weighing in at 265 pounds…CAMERON!! CRUISE!!

DT: The man who was cheated out of the EPW World Title at Black Dawn makes his way to the ring and you know Cameron Cruise is spoiling for a fight tonight!

DM: The question is will it be with his opponents or his partner!

MN: The partner, kill your partner!

[MUSIC UP: “Happy Birthday” by The Birthday Massacre. The crowd boos loudly as Teddy Alexander makes his way through the curtain, followed by The First.]

TF: And his partner, being led to the ring by Teddy Alexander…From Salem, Massachusetts…Weighing in at 199 pounds..The EPW World Champion…THE FIRST!

DT: The champion making his way to the ring and this crowd is letting him have it.

MN: I hope Cruise lets him have it when he gets into the cage, he’s talked a big game since he pulled that stunt at Black Dawn, but now might be the time he has to pay for it!

DT: The First hits the ring, Teddy Alexander eying down the army of men on the other side of the cage…First hands his belt to the refs outside the ring, the cage door is locked [Bell rings.] And the main event is under way! Cruise goes right after Hank and bull rushes him into a corner, The First and Farthington trading punches in the middle of the ring.

MN: No dammit! Attack First you idiot!

DM: It looks like Cruise wants to win this match more than he wants revenge.

MN: Bah…I never get what I want.

DT: The First knocks down Farthington with a series of right hands, he turns and looks as Hank now has Cruise backed into the corner and is opening up on him with punches to the mid-section. First ignores Cruise’s plight and goes back to stomping away on Farthington…HANK BLINDSIDES FIRST WIT A CLOTHESLINE TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!

DM: First didn’t care about the trouble his partner was in and it burned him as the big man Hank just put the wood to the EPW Champion.

MN: This punk is only in it for himself and tonight it’s going to cost him! Get him Hank, no mercy!

DT: Hank whips The First into the ropes…POWERSLAM!! HANK WITH A COVER!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: Cruise breaks up the pin!

MN: Really?! Really Cruise….You’re now saving him?! This world gets dumber by the moment…

DT: Farthington pulls Cruise off Hank…Cruise hammers away on Cecilworth with right hands and DRIVES his head into the corner…And INTO THE STEEL GOES FARTHINGTON! Hank back to his feet…CRUISE NEARLY TAKES HIM OUT OF HIS BOOTS WITH A CLOTHESLINE! Farthington gets to his feet…GETS BLASTED BY A CLOTHESLINE!

DM: Cameron Cruise is on the warpath tonight!

MN: The warpath of a moron who’s not fighting the true enemy here…Focus up Cruise! The guy who stole the EPW World Title from you is in the cage with you, beat his ass!

DT: Cruise now backs Hank into a corner and he’s hammering him with right hands…First up and he grabs Farthington and he WHIPS HIM INTO CRUISE AND HANK! THE THREE MEN CRASH TOGETHER AND FARTHINGTON STAGGERS INTO A CRADLE BY THE FIRST!

ONE!

TWO!

NO!!

DT: Cruise flat on the mat here, he bashed heads with both of his opponents, The First now punching away at Hank and he whips him into the corner…First sets…HANDSPRING ELBOW! Hank staggers out of the corner…SHOULDER BLOCK OFF THE SECOND ROPE! COVER BY FIRST!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!

DT: Farthington breaks up the pin and now he’s putting the boots to the champion…Hank slowly getting to his feet and the two men now working The First over with stomps…First pulled to his feet…BOTH MEN SEND HIM INTO THE CAGE!! FIRST HITS THE STEEL AND STAGGERS INTO A DDT FROM FARTHINGTON!! HE COVERS!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: Hank quickly scoops The First up he lifts him high in the air…MILITARY PRESS SLAM BY HANK!! A COVER!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

DT: First kicks out again and he’s crawling away from Dirk Dickwood Presents as the two men stalk the champion…First pulling himself up the ropes as Farthington stands ready to pounce…FIRST TURNS AND SPRAYS GREEN MIST!! FARTHIINGTON DUCKED AND IT HIT CRUISE!!

DM: If there is one thing in this world Cruise hates it’s that mist!

MN: Things are about to get good now!

DT: Cruise flailing trying to get his vision back, First begging off…CRUISE DECKS FIRST!!! CRUISE HAMMERING AWAY ON THE FIRST WITH RIGHT HANDS…Hank and Farthington see what’s happening and they are heading out of the cage! First being beaten silly by Cruise, First screaming at Cruise to stop hitting him if he wants to win the match.

MN: Don’t listen to him! Keep hitting him!

DT: Cruise looks up and sees Hank and Farthington already at the top of the cage…And he’s giving chase! He’s got Farthington by the leg…He’s trying to fight free…First now climbing up…He just gouged Hank in the eye through the cage! HANK CRASHING TO THE FLOOR!! HE JUST LANDED ON THE TRAINERS AND SPLATTERED EVERYONE ON THE GROUND!

DM: A high risk play by The First, if Fathington escapes Cruise’s grip then his team will win it!

MN: Come on Cecil, find a way!

DT: Cruise and Farthington both fighting on top of the cage, First now climbs up, and he’s grabbing ahold of Cecil also, keeping him from climbing down…Cruise grabs Farthington…OH NO!! NO!!!! CRUISE WITH A SUPLEX OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE!!! Cruise and Farthington hit the mat like a ton of bricks!

MN: I think they are both dead…Serves Cruise right for trying to win this match, the big dummy.

DT: First climbing down the cage and now walking over to Farthington, both Farthington and Cruise haven’t moved since that Superplex off the cage and First now acting like he had anything to do with it. [First throws his arms in the air and yells “Champion of the World!” drawing boos] First now grabs Farthington’s arm…CROSS ARM-BREAKER!! FARTHINGTON IS TRAPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!!

DM: He might be out of it from that Superplex and there’s no rope breaks here, and everyone who could help him except Dirk Dickwood is out of it on the floor.

MN: I don’t think Dirk’s about try to be a hero with Teddy Alexander standing at ringside.

DT: Farthington is in a world of trouble…HE TAPS!! IT’S OVER!!

[Bell rings. MUSIC UP: “Happy Birthday” by The Birthday Massacre, the crowd booing.]

TF: Here are your winners…CAMERON CRUISE AND THE FIRST!!!
DT: Cameron Cruise did the heavy lifting and The First steals the win here tonight…This wasn’t an easy outing for the victors by any means.

MN: It should have gone worse! Cruise is an idiot for even tolerating this clown!

DT: First in the ring celebrating as Cruise is slowly getting to his feet. [MUSIC UP: “King” by Iron Solomon, and the crowd pops huge!] OH BABY! LOOK WHO’S HERE!!

DM: Impulse and Stevens standing at the top of the ramp looking into the steel cage at their opponents in the 2nd round!

MN: Get in there! Beat their asses now!

DT: Stevens and Impulse fighting Cruise and The First, it’s going to be one hell of a battle, and it’s coming to you at Aggression 70. We’ll be right back tomorrow night with the second half of Round 1 of the King of the Cage, for Dean Matthews and Mike Neely, this is Dave Thomas saying good night everyone!

[The camera cuts between Stevens and Impulse on the ramp and First and Cruise in the cage…FADE TO COPYRIGHT.]
 

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