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AGGRESSION 56: Houston, TX - 3/8/11

DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
Joined
Sep 11, 1997
Messages
4,814
Points
36
Age
46
Location
Katy, TX
The Will to Act

[Static on the video wall. Pardon the dramatis of the scene: I'll make it up to you in the ring.

The static stops, and the image moves to me. Most of me, at least - my head is cut off and I'm sitting down, my legs cut off at the knees.

Essentially, you can see my taped fists and my T-shirt, which has an image of the very same taped fist, the letters "JFZ" written on them, and the slogan "make your own revolution" in lowercase letters underneath the fist.

I want you to see what I see, you see?]

"One of two things is about to happen."

"You will see a tag team match, where two very much lopsided teams take each other on for the right to move forward in the King of the Cage; though exactly how lopsided remains to be seen. One side has the size and the strength, while the other has the speed and the smarts."

"Or you will see three men with shared history and mutual alliance cooperate to do their best to destroy the fourth, either by outright teaming up or by the indifference of the wild card."

"Erik Black."

"Either scenario offers its own specifics, but in each case, the victors will be decided by he who has the will."

"And yes, I said the other three may do their best. Because that's all any of us can do."

"Except for the fact that doing their best to lay me out and injure me will fall far short of the mark."

"So I suppose it comes to the simple question... who has the will to win? Who will shape the rest of this tournament?"

"Of course, I already know the answer."

"Time to find out if I'm right."

[And I stood up and walked out of frame. The camera lingered for a few seconds, and clicked off.]
 

DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
Joined
Sep 11, 1997
Messages
4,814
Points
36
Age
46
Location
Katy, TX
Intro, KOTC:TTE - Erik Black/Impulse vs. Colossal Connection

[CUT TO: Ringside, where the shadow of the steel cage over the ring steel hangs over the commentary team at the table.]

DT: Welcome to Houston, TX for Aggression 56!! With me as always are Dean Matthews and Mike Neely, and tonight, we begin the King of the Cage: Tag Team Edition!!

MN: We’re going to have to look at that thing ALL NIGHT... aren’t we?

DM: You’re just going to have to get used to it, Neels...

DT: We’ve got the main event coming later... but until then, let’s get the first match of the tournament behind us. This next tag match should be interesting, in part because we’ll be seeing two former Tag Team Champions on OPPOSITE sides of the ring. On one side, the recently acquitted “Dopesmoker” Erik Black... and in other corner, his former CHRONIC COLLIZION!! partner in crime, “The Sonic Titan” Ivan Dalkichev, now of the Colossal Connection...

MN: Okay... there were just WAYY too many ridiculous words thrown into that sentence for me to possibly understand what you just said...

DT: Should be interesting to see how this friendship between the EPW Tag Team legends will hold up with both men as opponents instead of allies. Although, given his comments earlier this week, I almost wonder if Erik Black will even be willing to FIGHT his former tag partner

DT: You never really know with the wily “Dopesmoker”...

MN: Right... just like we don’t know if the DEA is about to STING US!

DM: Fingers crossed...

DT: Also of note in this match is that we’ll also be seeing the first official in-ring appearance of Empire Pro’s newest acquisition, IMPULSE!!

DM: I honestly can’t wait to see him! Impulse has gained a lot of credibility over these past few years in various federations touring across the globe, competing in some high-caliber matches and boasting an acclaimed wrestling skill. I hear he’s even got some wins over former Empire Pro World Heavyweight Champions...

DT: That is impressive! I personally haven’t had the opportunity to see him in action yet, but I’ve heard nothing but great things! I think we’re in for a real treat!

MN: Well, I never heard of this guy before, but the way you guys keep talking about him, you’d think he was some EIGHT FOOT TALL juggernaut that EATS LEAD and CRAPS STEEL CHAIRS!!

DM: Uhh... no, not quite.

DT: I guess we’ll see what he’s capable of in just a few moments... I’m being told he’s MAKING HIS WAY TO THE RING NOW!!

DM: HERE WE GO!!

[CUE UP: “Revolution Baby” by Queen V.]

[The crowd POPS LOUD as a highlight reel of “the Marathon Man” spanning several indie federations plays on the EmpireTron through the song’s intro. A few moments later, IMPULSE walks out onto the Empire Pro stage for the very first time, drawing another big reaction from the fans.]

MN: BWAHAHAHAHHA!! Oh my God, HE’S A SHRIMP!!

DT: Can it, Neely! Show some RESPECT!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen... the following match will be the next first round in contest in our King of the Cage: Tag Team Edition tournament! Introducing first, making his way to the ring... he comes to us from New York City, New York, and weighs in one-hundred and eighty-eight pounds... please give him a BIG WELCOME in his EMPIRE PRO DEBUT... here is “THE MARATHON MAN”...

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMPPUUUUUULLLLSSSSE!!!

[The crowd pops again as Impulse pumps a fist into the air and approaches the cage, eyes focused on the ring.]

DT: I’m genuinely excited to see what this young man has to offer Empire Pro Wrestling here tonight in his debut!

DM: As am I, Dave... although given the questionable nature of his tag partner in this match, you can’t help but wonder what’s going through his mind as he makes his way down the aisle to the cage! Is it going to be two on two, or one on THREE?

MN: Come on, with this guy, you’re talking POINT FIVE on three! LOOK AT HIM! HAHAHAHA!!

DT: Would you CUT THAT OUT, Mike? Size isn’t always a factor, you know!

MN: Tell that to my EX-WIFE!

DM: You’ve never been married, Neels...

[Impulse doesn’t hesitate or even pause to second guess himself as he approaches the cage door and enters, stepping through the ropes and proudly striding over the EPW logo in the center of the canvas as he pumps a fist up and turns himself in a circle to give the entire audience a good first view, knowing they could be seeing history in the making.]

[CUE UP: “Holy Mountain” by Sleep.]

[An EPIC POP rocks the arena as a wall of drone blasts through the PA and a video package of “Escape Artist” highlights fills the EmpireTron with a psychedelic color haze visual effect. As the intro riff churns out, THE COLOSSAL CONNECTION walk out onto the stage, getting a surprised reaction. From behind them appears a cloud of mist...]

DM: UH OH...

DT: Looks like you might be RIGHT, Dean!

SFX: *BOOM!!*

[Tri-colored pyrotechnics EXPLODE over the stage as the song sweeps into the first verse. The crowd again POPS HARD as “DOPESMOKER” ERIK BLACK emerges from the mist, clad in his ring gear and bearing the Star-Spangled Banner across his shoulders in an act of showy patriotism. With the giants Ivan Dalkichev and Olvir Arsvinnar flanking his sides, Black greets the cheering masses with a pose of epically awesome proportions. All together, the “CHRONIColossal COLLIZIONnection” make their way down the ring, slapping hands with the fans and making a scene of themselves.]

TF: And his partner, currently making his way to the ring... hailing from the RIFF-FILLED LAND, and weighing in at two-hundred and twenty one pounds... making his RETURN to EMPIRE PRO... “THE ESCAPE ARTIST”...

“DOPESMOKER”... EEEEERRRIIIIIIIIKKKK BBBBLLLAAAAACCCCKKKK!!!

[CUT TO: Tony Fatora looking confused in the ring as he tries to figure out where to go from here...]

TF: Uh... and accompanying him to the ring... the OPPONENTS!! Weighing in at a combined weight of SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY-FIVE POUNDS... “THE SONIC TITAN” IVAN DALKICHEV... and “THE BUTT-DOMINATOR” OLVIR ARSVINNAR...

THE COOOOLLOSSSALLL... CCOOOONNEEEEEECCTTIIOOOOONNN!!!

DT: Well gentlemen, you can see it for yourselves... “Dopesmoker” Erik Black coming to the ring with the men who are supposed to be his OPPONENTS in this match, but they certainly seem to be chumming it up!

DM: Doesn’t look like a good situation for Impulse...

[CUT TO: Impulse in the ring, who watches without a discernable expression... but is getting loose and ready for the match, regardless.]

MN: Are you kidding, Dean? What could POSSIBLY be a good situation for this toothpick? Those guys are like TWICE HIS SIZE!!

DM: Yeah, as if that wasn’t the least of his worries...

DT: The odds appear stacked against the newcomer, but he doesn’t seem worried in the slightest. If anything, he’s ready for this procession to finish so this match can START!

DM: “The Escape Artist” can’t help it, Dave... he’s breathing the SWEET AIR of AMERICAN FREEDOM! Looks like the fans are pretty happy to have him back now that his legal troubles are behind him!

DT: He turned some heads in LAST year’s King of the Cage tournament with his unusual game plan, but of course, a trip to the final round was cut short when federal drug enforcement agents got involved...

MN: They say he was framed for that stash of GANJA they found in the stoner’s locker, but I don’t believe it for a minute. Somehow, he gets off from POSSESSION CHARGES, and meanwhile, they’re threatening to lock ME up for not paying some damned ALIMONY charges to my ex-wife! That’s the liberal-American justice system for ya!

DM: Neels, what in the hell are you babbling about? I told you... YOU’VE NEVER BEEN MARRIED!

[After a lengthy procession down the ramp involving bongs, vodka, and horns of mead, the trio enter the cage one by one. Fatora quickly makes his leave after him and the cage door is shut and padded by the two officials on duty, leaving four wrestlers and one ref within the steel structure.]

DT: I certainly hope Erik Black is not intending to leave his partner high and dry in this contest just because his FRIENDS are the opponents!

DM: You never really can tell what “Dopesmoker” Erik Black has planned, but I’m sure regardless of what may go down, Impulse knows exactly what he must do.

MN: If he had any sense, he’d GET OUT OF THE CAGE as fast as he can!

[Black, Dalkichev, and Arsvinnar take a few more photo op moment boosting up onto turnbuckles and posing for the fans. Referee Andrew Gardell steps in as the music cuts out, visiting every man one at a time to explain the rules and check for foreign objects. As this is going on the Colossal Connection head to their corner... followed by Erik. They stop halfway to explain to him that his corner is on the OTHER side of the ring, much to the amusement of the crowd.]

MN: BAH!! Stupid stoner forgot where his corner is...

[Smirking as he comes to his senses, Black goes to his designated corner, meeting Impulse face to face for the first time. With a sly grin, “Dopesmoker” offers his hand to the Empire Pro newcomer.]

DM: Well look here... “Dopesmoker” Erik Black is willing to SHAKE THE HAND of Impulse as a sign of good faith!

DT: But can he fully trust him?

MN: Never put your TRUST in the hands of a STONER!

[CUT TO: The face of Impulse as he tries to read “the Escape Artist’s” face for signs of deception. Though reluctant, the favorable reaction of the fans is all Impulse needs to make a decision: He takes the hand and shakes it.]

DT: Looks like these two may work well together after all... although we won’t know until the bell rings.

DM: Black and Impulse are now well met... and “Dopesmoker” is obliging the ring to his partner, gracefully giving the newcomer the opportunity to show the Empire Pro fans his skills to start things off! Looks like Impulse agrees, and Black goes to the apron...

MN: I don’t think he was respectfully stepping aside for the rookie, Dean. He’s just knows he’s MUCH safer outside those ropes than on the INSIDE with the monsters!

DM: On that note, “The Butt-Dominator” Olvir Arsvinnar is in the ring for the Colossal Connection... and man, does he look CHARGED!

MN: Olvir can’t WAIT to rip this midget’s head off!

DT: Referee Andrew Gardell looks like he’s ready, and he gives the cue to the timekeeper!

SFX: *DING! DING!*

DT: Here we go! Impulse and Olvir out of there corners... they go right into the LOCK-UP... and Olvir just SHOVES the smaller man to the mat like he weighed NOTHING!

DM: It’s the classic situation of David versus Goliath... but Impulse, undeterred, rolls to his feet and goes right back INTO THE LOCK UP... and Olvir SHOVES HIM AWAY effortlessly once again!

MN: HAH!! What a pipsqueak...

DT: Olvir with a proud and showy FLEX as he taunts the smaller Impulse with his HUGE excess in strength and muscle mass! Impulse doesn’t look the least bit phased, however! He comes to his feet -- OH WAIT, OLVIR CHARGES WITH THE LARIAT!!

DM: And it’s DUCKED by Impulse! Impulse slips behind and goes right into a waist lock... Olvir’s trying to reach around and grab him, but he’s just a bit too big and clumsy to get a grip!

MN: I think he can’t get to him cause he’s busy LAUGHING too hard...

DT: Nevertheless, Impulse is wrapping up the leg of the Viking Violator, looking for the sweep... can he get him down? …YES!!

Crowd: *POP!!*

DM: It took about ALL his weight, but it was enough to put Olvir Arsvinnar to the mat with leg sweep! The Viking bumped his chin on that fall and gives it a rub, but the newcomer Impulse is already in action!

DT: Impulse stretches the leg back... he’s got it locked in, and... YES! HE BRIDGED BACK FOR THE STF!

MN: He could BARELY reach back far enough to lock the chin...

DM: The height differential doesn’t make it easier, but nevertheless, Impulse has Olvir Arsvinnar locked into the STF, and “The Butt-Dominator’s” eyes are open WIDE with pain and surprise! I bet he didn’t even THINK he’d be in this situation!

DT: Looks like the shock is wearing off... the Viking FURY returns to the eyes of Olvir Arsvinnar as he reaches up and effortlessly PRIES AWAY the hands clasping his head into that chin lock!

DM: Not that Impulse had much leverage to work with there! He had to use all five feet and eleven inches to pull that off!

DT: Olvir scrambles to back to his feet, but Impulse is up a second ahead of him! Here comes Olvir, charging forward, hands clasped... BIG MISS on the charging Mjolnir Blow as Impulse got around him again!

MN: Olvir needs to lay off the MEAD before matches, because even I could have smashed that twerp...

DT: Impulse trying to get him from behind... but Olvir comes back with a big BACKHAND STRIKE -- NO!! Impulse DUCKS!! Olvir SWINGS AGAIN... and MISSES!! Now Olvir is THRASHING his mighty fists through the air in every direction, but Impulse avoids him EVERY TIME! He’s just two steps ahead of “The Butt-Dominator”!

DM: The advantage in size and strength are clearly not as great as a factor as we thought they would be! Olvir Arsvinnar is a bona fide POWERHOUSE, but clearly, there’s little brains behind the brawn!

DT: Olvir is looking FRUSTRATED now! Here comes ANOTHER big lariat, but Impulse -- WAIT, Impulse CATCHES HIM around the shoulder! Looks like he’s trying to twist that python-sized arm into a classic ARMLOCK... but Olvir just TOSSES HIM ASIDE and nearly knocks him into the cage wall!

MN: AWAY, PEST!!

DM: Olvir’s slapping his chest... he’s got a little of his STEAM back, but Impulse doesn’t look phased in the SLIGHTEST! That kid’s got some serious guts...

DT: And if Olvir Arsvinnar gets his hands on him, we might SEE those guts! Here comes Olvir for another lock-up... apparently, he finally realizes that swinging his fists around like a madman isn’t going to get the job done! Impulse fearlessly meets him, and both men lock up!

DM: Olvir exerting that STRENGTH again... and now he’s working Impulse back into the CORNER! This could be a bad place for the newcomer! He’s got no room to move around in there!

MN: Time to see this bug get SQUASHED!

DT: Olvir with a HARD SHOVE, and Impulse gets thrown into the turnbuckle! He comes bouncing out, but Olvir meets him with a DEVASTATING body blow that knocks him right back into the corner! It looked like he could have punched a HOLE right through him!

DM: Impulse looks hurt after that shot, and I don’t blame him... Olvir clutching the ropes, and OH... he just crushes the smaller man caught against the turnbuckle with a HEAVY body attack! Remember, Olvir’s is more than TWICE his weight!

DT: Olvir with ANOTHER heavy body strike... and Impulse drops to the seated position! That’s an even WORSE place to be, and Olvir’s going to make him realize it right now with some MUDHOLE STOMPS with that giant size-fifteen FURRY BOOT of his!

MN: SQUISH! SQUISH! SQUISH!! I hate that smelly Viking, but damn, do I LOVE watching small things getting pulverized by ridiculously LARGER things!

DM: Olvir’s pressing that foot down into Impulse’s face, squeezing the life out of him! Impulse’s legs are thrashing... I think he may be CHOKING!!

DT: Wait a second... “DOPESMOKER” ERIK BLACK hops the ropes and enters the ring! I think he’s going to DO something about this!

MN: Does that idiot even know what TEAM he’s playing for?

DM: Good to see he’s got the sense of mind to help out his partner in a sticky situation, cause these guys DEFINITELY need to look out for each other in this match! Here comes Black... just gently tapping Olvir on the shoulder!

DT: Olvir finally lets off and turns around... Black with a SHOT -- OH, NO!! He took a shot at the IMPERVIOUS PECTORAL MUSCLES of the Viking Violator, and it was like punching a BRICK WALL!!

Crowd: “HAHAHAHAHA!!!”

[A heroic and cocky grin forms on the face of Olvir Arsvinnar as he stands with his chest puffed out, chuckling down at the sight of “Dopesmoker” Erik Black comically flailing around in the mat while clutching his fist in pain...]

MN: Well, that was completely useless...

DM: Maybe not entirely... Olvir turned his back on Impulse, but now he’s suddenly BACK UP... and NOW HE’S ON HIS BACK! He’s got the SLEEPERHOLD LOCKED IN!!

DT: Oh, WOW!! Simply amazing to see someone come back from a STOMPING like that so quickly and with such energy! Olvir staggering around the ring now as Impulse squeezes down on his head... those arms are wrapped in TIGHT!

MN: Meanwhile, the ref FINALLY remembers he has a job to do and gets the stoner back into his corner, but he does something stupid AGAIN...

DM: He may not have done much damage, but the distraction was all Impulse needed to get out of a tight spot!

DT: Olvir... STILL lumbering around the ring, trying to reach back and pry the smaller man off of him... but to NO AVAIL! Now he’s DOWN TO A KNEE!! I don’t believe it... Impulse is taking down THE GIANT!!

Crowd: *POP!*

DM: Olvir’s down to BOTH knees now! I think he’s SLIPPING!

MN: There really isn’t much blood flow going into that heathen’s head to begin with, I imagine...

DT: Impulse’s feet touch the mat... wait a second... Impulse doing some REPOSITIONING now that’s he’s got leverage!

DM: He’s switched from sleeper to inverted face lock! Olvir trying to get off his knees -- AND IMPULSE JUST DRILLS HIM WITH A REVERSE DDT!!

DT: HE GOT HIM!! Impulse with the PIN!

One!


Two!


WHOAAH!! Olvir just BENCH PRESSES HIM OFF in a SURGE of fury and strength!

DM: Still, you gotta give credit where it’s due! Olvir doesn’t know WHAT to think right now! As “puny” as Impulse may be in his eyes, this young blood is getting the better of him!

MN: Dean, can you honestly remember the last time that barbarian mongoloid WON a match?

DM: Uhh...

DT: Mike Neely has left Dean Matthews speechless... THAT is a first, ladies and gentlemen. Back to the match... Olvir rising to his feet in a RAGE, but Impulse spots the outstretched arm of his tag partner, “DOPESMOKER” ERIK BLACK!

DM: Looks like Black knows what team he’s on after all! Impulse MAKES THE TAG... and Olvir just stopped DEAD IN HIS TRACKS!

[The crowd begins to get riled up as “Dopesmoker” Erik Black hops the rope to enter the ring, a cool smirk on his face as he doesn’t quite look at the Viking Violator in the ring with him, but past him... to his former tag partner in the opposite corner. Casually leaning on the ring post across the ring, “The Sonic Titan” Ivan Dalkichev simply chuckles and shakes his head at the proposition.]

DT: “Dopesmoker’s” IN THE RING! Here we are, gentlemen... what’s going to happen now?!

MN: Let’s just hope the DEA don’t raid the arena again...

DM: You can hear the crowd and you can see the look in Black’s eye! He wants it and THEY want it to! They want to see both tag team legends in the ring TOGETHER!!

[Olvir continues egging on the crowd by cupping his ear and pumping them up, before finally giving them what they want and making the tag to the Russian giant.]

Crowd: *POP!!*

DM: Here we go... DALKICHEV and BLACK!! Once the Hammer and Sickle of the Crimson Calling...

MN: Now the Cheech and Chong of professional wrestling...

DT: Ivan Dalkichev steps over the ropes as he enters the ring, approaching the center of the ring with a domineering presence! Erik Black meets him there, and now the former tag team partners and pioneer champions stand face to face wearing sentimental smiles! What’s going to happen NEXT? Can they really FIGHT each other?!

DM: We’re about to find out!!

DT: Dalkichev looking down to Black... Black looking UP to Dalkichev... and... BLACK JUST SCRAMBLES FOR THE CAGE WALL!!

MN: Oh for crying out loud, NOT THAT AGAIN!!

DM: “The Escape Artist” yet again stubbornly sticks to his namesake, trying to scale the cage wall... but Ivan Dalkichev has him by the ANKLE before he can even reach the top!

DT: The crafty Erik Black won’t be getting away THAT easy tonight! Dalkichev calmly pulls him down off the cage wall back to the floor, as Black frantically claws away at the canvas to get away from him!

DM: Ivan getting Erik up now by the back of his back and the nape of his hair... and there goes “DOPESMOKER” INTO THE CAGE --

SFX: *SMASH!!*

Crowd: “OOOOHHH!!!”

DT: GOOD GOD, IVAN DALKICHEV LOBBED HIM LIKE A FRISBEE INTO THE CAGE WALL!!

MN: HAHAHA... that kinda reminded me of the bug that splattered on my windshield the other day...

DM: Black moving weakly in a HEAP between the ropes and the cage wall as his tag partner looks on with concern! Now a shadow falls over him as Ivan comes to pick him up off the mat!

DT: Uh oh... “Dopesmoker” back on his feet with the help of Ivan, but looks like he could fall over at the slightest gust of wind! Ivan dusts him off and checks him over to make sure he’s okay and not TOO banged up...

MN: Always good to see friends looking out for each other...

DT: ...and suddenly, THERE’S THE WHIP TO THE ROPES!! Black on the REBOUND... runs straight into a TOR-NA-DOOOOOOO SAMBO SUPLEX!!!

SFX: *SLAMM!!*

Crowd: *POP!!*

DT: MY GOD, it looked like he threw “Dopesmoker” right into the EARTH’S CORE!! I’m surprised the whole CAGE didn’t collapse!!

DM: The sheer STRENGTH of Ivan Dalkichev is on display here tonight! Look at that calm and confident smirk on his face as he brutalizes his former tag partner without mercy! I almost think he’s ENJOYING this!

MN: Forget about his face, look at ERIK’S! I think HE’S ENJOYING TOO!

DT: Ivan back to his feet... I thought he could have gone for the COVER there, but instead, it looks like he’s going for the KNEE DROP -- NO!! “Dopesmoker” ROLLED TO THE SIDE in just the nick of time!

DM: Black rolls to his feet... he’s got a chance to make a MOVE here while Ivan is stunned tending to the leg! He goes into the ropes... CHARGES IVAN STRAIGHT ON -- OOH, and HITS THE MAT HARD!!

MN: Yes, that’s right... RUN RIGHT AT the man who weighs twice more than you do! How could that POSSIBLY fail...

DT: “The Raging Russian” chuckles good-humoredly as he looks down at the failed attempts of his tag partner... but suddenly, here’s Black SPRINGING back to his feet! He goes right for the WAIST LOCK... but Ivan doesn’t budge!

MN: I don’t think Ivan even FEELS him right now!

DM: Black slips around, wrangling that huge left arm now, trying to put Dalkichev into some sort of an arm bar... and “The Sonic Titan” simply YAWNS!!

Crowd: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

MN: This is pathetic...

DT: Black trying in vain... but now Dalkichev is tired of waiting, SNAPS his arm and tosses “Dopesmoker” aside like he were NOTHING! Black just BURSTS RIGHT BACK ONTO HIS FEET!!

DM: A lot of energy in that man... Black charging FORWARD -- and gets HURLED VIOLENTLY THROUGH THE AIR AS HIS FACE COLLIDES WITH THE BACKHAND STRIKE BY IVAN DALKICHEV!! Man, that’s like STEEL GIRDER right to the KISSER!! Those are some HUGE ARMS!!

MN: Ivan Dalkichev has to go through five sticks of deodorant a day, I hear.

DT: Erik Black is LITERALLY being thrown around that cage like a human crash test dummy by his former tag team partner... and I don’t think Ivan Dalkichev’s even broken a SWEAT!

DM: He’s been dominant thus far because he knows his former tag partner better than anybody else... but you can’t give “Dopesmoker” the benefit of the doubt!

DT: Ivan reaching down... grabs Black by the GOATEE --

MN: OH, THE HUMANITY!!

DT: -- and he DRAGS HIM over to his corner to make the tag to Olvir Arsvinnar, who seems all too eager to join in on this brutality!

DM: This can only be bad news for Erik Black, as Impulse helplessly looks on from across the ring! Ivan getting his former partner up now... putting him UP HIGH with the MILITARY PRESS as Andrew Gardell tells him to get out of the ring! Olvir sure is taking his TIME getting over those ropes...

MN: He’s giving all those lucky ladies in the front row a nice view of his moneymaker, obviously...

DT: And all the while, “Dopesmoker” Erik Black hangs in limbo as the giant Ivan Dalkichev keeps him hovering several feet off the mat! Here comes Olvir into the ring... and Ivan TOSSES BLACK TO HIM --

Crowd: *POP!!*

DM: OH WOW, OLVIR CAUGHT HIM with a MILITARY PRESS OF HIS OWN!!

MN: These guys could roll him up into a ball and play CATCH with him if they wanted to!

DM: Ivan back to the apron, and Olvir’s got Erik Black right where he wants him... here comes the Viking Violator, turning to the CAGE -- !!

SFX: *CRASSHH!!*

Crowd: “OOOOOHHHHH!!”

DM: ...and Erik Black gets introduced to it the HARD WAY once again!

MN: These are strange friends... the kind that like to beat the crap out of each other.

DT: Olvir takes some time to FLAUNT HIS STUFF for the fans... and in the meantime, “Dopesmoker” Erik Black takes a second to recover from that beating! Across the ring, he can BARELY see Impulse eagerly calling to him, trying to get him to crawl over and make the tag!

MN: I’m sure he’s seeing THREE Impulses right now...

DM: Erik Black won’t be getting anywhere, because here comes Olvir Arsvinnar once again, getting “Dopesmoker” back to his feet by a handful of his HAIR... there’s the IRISH WHIP... and Black CONNECTS HARD WITH THE TURNBUCKLE!!

DT: I think he more of FELL INTO the corner than connected with it! Black trying to right himself now... but here comes OLVIR -- WITH A BIG STINGER SPLASH!! “Dopesmoker” just got SMASHED under those rock-hard pectorals of Olvir Arsvinnar!!

DM: The Colossal Connection are seriously beginning to dominate this match now! “Dopesmoker” Erik Black hasn’t stopped grinning since he stepped into the ring, but he hardly looks CONSCIOUS by this point! Why hasn’t he been able to mount any offense yet?

MN: All that time in jail must have really taken its toll on the stoner. Then again, it’s him and the shrimp against two giant freaks of nature, so I can’t be terribly surprised by his failure to get anything happening by this point...

DT: I almost wonder if he’s even trying to put up a fight! Black looks in bad shape, but Olvir’s not through yet... he’s boosting him up to the TOP ROPE!! Things could get UGLY now!

DM: The Viking Violator is going to some SERIOUS lengths here, now climbing up himself... but wait, “DOPESMOKER” IS FIGHTING BACK!

MN: Oh no... he knows somebody’s getting into his STASH somewhere!

DT: Black’s got a grip on the cage, desperately trying to kick Olvir away... the leverage MIGHT HELP! Black pants both legs into Olvir’s chest... AND HE DOES IT!!

DM: The big man drops HARD to the mat, and now Black’s got a chance to move here! He’s setting his feet back onto the turnbuckle... AND FLYING OFF WITH A SOMERSAULT!!

Crowd: *POP!!*

DT: OH WOW, A FRONT-FLIP MISSILE DROPKICK from the TOP ROPE, and Olvir Arsvinnar is left STAGGERING after that high-risk maneuver!

DM: Staggering, but not quite DOWN!

MN: Flashy, yet so ineffective...

DT: Black pops to his feet... there he goes INTO THE ROPES... NAILS OLVIR with the RUNNING DROPKICK... but he STILL can’t knocked him to the mat!

DM: Not by HIMSELF! Black spots Impulse... HE MAKES THE TAG!! Impulse in the ring now, and he knows just what to do! “Dopesmoker” and Impulse bounce off the ropes... STEREO DROPKICKS!! And Olvir FINALLY HITS THE MAT!!

Crowd: *POP!!*

DT: Now THERE’S some teamwork! Black goes to the outside, as Impulse makes the COVER!


ONE!


TWO!


And Olvir YET AGAIN powers out!

MN: Took all that work just to knock him to the mat, and that mongoloid is STILL fighting strong!

DM: Olvir raging to his feet... but Impulse TRIPS HIM UP with a DROP TOE HOLD!! He definitely knows where to strike the towering Norseman, and Olvir’s fallen for it EVERY time!

MN: Not too bright, obviously. His only brain functions are “eat,” “drink,” “thrust,” and “destroy.”

DT: Olvir Arsvinnar getting to his feet, but the Impulse is already in motion, rebounding off the ropes... YES!! HE CATCHES THE VIKING AROUND THE HEAD AND PUTS HIM TO THE MAT WITH THE RUNNING BULLDOG!!

DM: And Impulse MAKES THE TAG back to “Dopesmoker” Erik Black! These guys know if they can keep the momentum going, they can overcome these giants! They’re doing a GREAT job of doing it right now!

DT: Olvir Arsvinnar looks STUPIFIED as he comes back to his feet... but here comes Erik Black, SPRINGBOARDING OFF THE TOP ROPE -- AND HE DROPS RIGHT ONTO OLVIR’S SHOULDERS!!

DM: “DOPESMOKER” WITH A DRAGONRANA --

Crowd: *POP!!*

SFX: *CRASH!!*

DM: -- AND “THE BUTT-DOMINATOR” OLVIR ARSVINNAR’S FACE RUNS RIGHT INTO THE CAGE!!

DT: What an AMAZING TURNAROUND for the team of “Dopesmoker” and Impulse! They’re REALLY taking the beating to Olvir Arsvinnar now!

DM: Black making the tag to Impulse, and a wounded Olvir desperately tags in Ivan Dalkichev... and after seeing the beating his partner’s taken, he’s ALL business now!

DT: Impulse is back in the ring, and he looks ready for the challenge! But wait a second... Black isn’t going back to the apron! Instead, it looks like he’s going for the CAGE DOOR! What’s he doing?

MN: He’s getting the HELL OUT OF DODGE! Do you see how PISSED OFF Ivan Dalkichev looks right now?!

DM: Black is through the door... and he’s OUT! But Impulse is still IN, wondering where in the hell he’s GOING!

DT: One of the conditions of victory for this match is if both members of a team can escape the cage... but while “Dopesmoker” Erik Black has managed to step through the cage door, Impulse has remained in the ring, intent on finishing this match the PROPER way!

MN: Is he CRAZY?! Ivan is standing there like a volcano waiting to BLOW HIS TOP... and now the Viking’s getting back to his senses!

DT: Why on earth would Erik Black forsake his partner like that?

DM: I’m pretty sure we all know... but maybe you’ll get a chance to ask him anyway, Dave, cause HERE HE COMES to the table!

DT: OH BOY...

MN: Oh geez...

[CUT TO: The commentary table as “Dopesmoker” Erik Black, in the process of toweling himself off, picks up and headset and takes a seat, breathing heavy and looking rather happy with his work.]

EB: Oh man, that was a trip... what’s up, guys?

DM: Hey Erik, uh... thanks for joining us?

DT: I guess since you’re here, do you care to explain what THAT was all about?

EB: WHAT? Did you guys forget that I’m the ESCAPE ARTIST?!

MN: How could we FORGET when you keep REMINDING us every hour?

DT: But what about your partner IMPULSE, who now alone in the cage, staring down an angry giant?

EB: Oh yeah, uh...

DM: Oh man... here they go into the LOCK UP... and no surprise here, Ivan QUICKLY overpowers the smaller Impulse and wrangles him into a tight waist lock!

EB: He should probably get out of the cage as soon as possible.

MN: Gee, you think?

DT: Impulse trying to break free... but the larger Dalkichev SLAMS HIM HARD into the mat! That look like it HURT!

DM: And Dalkichev brings him right back OFF the mat, squeezing him in TIGHTER with the bear hug! Impulse is SCREAMING in pain now!

EB: ‘Van’s like a big Siberian bear... and you know how you deal with bears, guys? You just play dead...

DT: Dalkichev CLINCHES the hold, causing Impulse to scream again! You guys were doing so WELL working together! Why did you just suddenly BAIL on your partner and leave him in this situation, Erik? I don’t think playing dead is going to help him win the match...

EB: Hey, man... who said anything about WINNING? Only reason I came out here tonight was to BRING BACK the “Dopesmoker” to the fans that missed him over the past months of sobriety and boredom...

DM: Hate to tell you this, Erik, but you only did about a handful of moves the entire time you were in that ring...

EB: Well that may be, but the fact is, they were AWESOME moves!

DT: Impulse still being CRUSHED in the huge arms of Ivan Dalkichev... now he’s trying to POUND AWAY at Ivan’s face, doing anything he can to pry himself free! “The Sonic Titan” TOSSES HIM ASIDE --

SFX: *CRASH!!*

Crowd: “OOOOOOHHHH...”

DT: -- and RIGHT INTO THE CAGE!! That was just PAINFUL to watch!

MN: Well, he got out of the bear hug, at least...

EB: You see, I’m like a POET. It’s not about the amount of words I use to write my poetry, but the MEANING of those words...

MN: Wish the same could be said about your HOUR-LONG promos...

DM: Well, Erik, far be it from me to question your rather questionable approach to this sport, but perhaps you could have made those points a bit more CLEAR to your partner before you guys tagged up. I don’t think turning tail and running away was part of Impulse’s plan going into this match...

EB: Ah, plans are overrated anyway...

DT: Impulse trying to get up... but Dalkichev already has him around the waist! Dalkichev bringing OFF THE MAT with the DALKICHEV LIFT... and he just CRUSHES HIM RIGHT INTO THE MAT!!

DM: That was just SICKENING to look at...

EB: I know, right?

DT: Don’t you feel the SLIGHTEST bit of guilt for leaving him alone in there against two men who are both TWICE his weight?

EB: Look... the kid’s alright... but if he wants to take the high road and do it HIS way, then he needs to learn that there are some SERIOUS hurdles he has to overcome to get to where he wants to be.

DM: Ivan and Olvir are serious hurdles, alright!

MN: Hate to admit, but the stoner’s got a point. If this kid with the chip on his shoulder wants to walk tall in Empire Pro, then he better show he can hold his own... no matter WHO the opponent is!

DT: I guess we’ll just have to see how Impulse holds HIS own against the twin towers of Olvir Arsvinnar and Ivan Dalkichev! Olvir back in the ring... now he’s got Impulse right where he wants him!

DM: Olvir brings Impulse back off the mat... there’s the WHIP to the ropes... Impulse rebounds, and runs straight into a BIG BOOT TO THE FACE!!!

EB: Nothing but raw power, dude...

DT: Olvir with the COVER!

ONE!



TWO!!



THR -- NO!! Impulse KICKED OUT!!

DM: Impulse is still hanging in there, despite this beating... but how can he mount a comeback now? Especially now that he’s ALONE in the cage?

EB: Beats me, man... why don’t we just see what this kid is capable of taking?

DT: Impulse weakly trying to get off the mat... he’s hurt, but folks, he’s still TRYING! Olvir makes the tag back to Ivan... but he doesn’t leave right away!

DM: Oh man... both men take Impulse by the NECK... AND THEY DRIVE HIM STRAIGHT INTO THE MAT WITH THE DOUBLE CHOKESLAM!!

MN: Man, it’s just TOO EASY for these guys at this point! Somebody go in there and put the shrimp out of his misery already!

DM: There’s no telling how much more punishment Impulse can withstand before he doesn’t come back, but the giants look eager to finish this up!

EB: They’re ready to head back and hit that VICTORY BONG I got waiting for them!

DT: Dalkichev measuring up Impulse on the mat... he bounces off the ropes... INTO THE AIR WITH A BODY PRESS SLAM -- OH, IMPULSE JUST ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY AT THE LAST MOMENT!!

Crowd: *POP!!*

DM: He dodged a SERIOUS bullet there! Otherwise he would have been wearing the Raging Russian as a big FOUR-HUNDRED PLUS POUND BLANKET!!

EB: Yeah, being UNDER ‘Van cannot possibly be a good thing...

DT: Impulse a little slow to get up, but he knows he has a chance to move! Here he goes into the ropes for some momentum... Dalkichev BACK UP... dips his HEAD -- OH JESUS, HE JUST BARRELS OVER IMPULSE WITH A CHARGING BATTERING RAM!!

Crowd: “OOOOOOoohhh...”

DM: That was a violent collision of skulls, and Ivan had about twice more weight backing him up!

EB: If you ask me it was a rather CHRONIC collision... heh...

MN: For crying out loud...

DT: Impulse looks DEAD... I don’t know HOW anybody could come back from that! Here’s Ivan with the COVER!!



ONE!!




TWO!!




THR -- NO!! IMPULSE KICKS OUT!! How is he still DOING THAT?!

EB: I dunno, but this is starting to drag on, if you ask me!

DM: Maybe if you were still in the MATCH, you could do something about that?

EB: Nah... Olvir and Ivan are pretty close to wrapping this up, I think.

MN: I would certainly hope so! How hard it be to pin a SHRIMP like that? All either of these guys have to do is LAY on him!

DT: Many call Randall Knox “The Marathon Man”... and Impulse is certainly going the distance tonight, holding his own against the Colossal Connection! Ivan Dalkichev is visibly flustered now... but now he sees Olvir back in his corner, making the motion to finish him off!

DM: Impulse has GOT to do something now, or these guys are going to DESTROY him!

DT: What do the Colossal Connection have planned NOW? Olvir enters the ring and gets behind Ivan as the Raging Russian peels Impulse off the mat... but wait, IMPULSE CONTINUES TO FIGHT BACK!! There’s a lot of HEART in that young man, I tell you!

EB: Sure, sure... and if there was just a bit more MUSCLE, he might have a prayer.

Crowd: “IM-PULSE!! IM-PULSE!! IM-PULSE!! IM-PULSE!!”

DM: Impulse with some CHOPS into the large chest of “The Sonic Titan” to leave the behemoth stunned... but Ivan ROCKS HIM with a big left-handed chop of his own! Just like that, all chances of Impulse making a comeback are cut off... and now here’s Dalkichev scooping him up! Olvir is standing behind him, ready to go... what is about to HAPPEN HERE?!

DT: Ivan with a FALLAWAY SLAM -- OH WOW, OLVIR SNATCHES HIM OUT OF THE AIR, AND PULVERIZES HIM RIGHT INTO THE MAT WITH A POWERSLAM!!

Crowd: “OOOOOoooohhh....”

MN: Good night, and good luck in all your future endeavors, kid!

EB: Impulse just got a taste of NORTHERN EXPOSURE! It ain’t pretty, but it gets the job done...

DT: This is just OVERKILL at this point! Impulse is unmoving on the mat, and Olvir Arsvinnar SMUGLY pins him with a BOOT pressed down over the chest!



ONE!




TWO!!




NO!! IMPULSE KICKS OUT YET AGAIN!!

MN: What is this kid’s DEAL?!

DM: Impulse simply REFUSES to give up! I honestly can’t believe he KICKED OUT of that devastating tandem move, although Olvir Arsvinnar should have properly PINNED him!

EB: Believe me, he’s just making it worse for himself...

[Olvir and Ivan look in stunned silence as Impulse weakly struggles on the mat at their feet. Olvir gestures to Ivan to hit him again, but the Raging Russian simply shakes his head and points to the door...]

DT: The Colossal Connection look to be headed for the cage door! It’s good to know they’re at least MERCIFUL enough to end this match without having to punish Impulse any further!

EB: Hey, they may be brutes, but they’re not BARBARIANS. It’s pretty clear at this point Impulse ain’t coming back, so --

DM: Don’t speak so SOON, Erik! Impulse sees them leaving, and now he’s FORCING HIMSELF back up! He’s NOT OUT OF IT YET!!

MN: He’s just BEGGING to get killed in there...

DT: Ivan stepping through the door now, and Olvir waits for his turn... but Impulse CATCHES HIM BY THE LEG FROM BEHIND!!

DM: Olvir is TOO SURPRISED TO REACT... and Impulse SWEEPS HIM DOWN TO THE MAT!! Impulse wrapping the leg around... HE’S GOING FOR THE FIGURE-FOUR LEGLOCK!!

EB: Kid’s got MOXY!

DT: Olvir is HOWLING in pain as Impulse clinches the hold! I honestly thought there was NO coming back from that last move, but somehow, he’s suddenly turned things around back in his favor!

DM: But it won’t last long, Dave... Ivan saw what happened before he cleared through the cage door, and now he comes back to break things up! Dalkichev dropping some HUGE boots into the chest of Impulse, but “The Marathon Man” REFUSES to break the hold!

DT: And now Ivan is reaching down and PRYING HIM OFF his tag partner! Finally, Impulse is pulled free... but I think without a couple hundred pounds of difference in weight, he could have held on for ALL NIGHT if he wanted to!

MN: What a nagging LEECH of a wrestler! When he’s clearly outmatched, he just resorts to clinging to your LEG...

DM: Olvir trying to get to his feet now as Ivan struggles with Impulse, who is FIERCLY fighting back with everything he’s got! But now the Viking Violator is up and ANGRY!

EB: Olvir’s in KILL MODE now!

DT: Olvir locks his arms and CHARGES FORWARD WITH THE MJOLNIR BLOW --

SFX: *CLONK!!*

Crowd: *POP!!!*

DT: IMPULSE DUCKED!! IMPULSE DUCKED AND OLVIR CAUGHT IVAN RIGHT IN THE FACE!!

EB: OH MAN... that wasn’t supposed to happen!

DM: Ivan Dalkichev is OUT!! Olvir TURNS AROUND --

SFX: *SMACK!!*

Crowd: *POP!!!*

DM: -- HOLY SUPERKICK, BATMAN!! Impulse NAILS HIM WITH THE SUDDEN IMPACT!!

EB: Holy CRAP, dude!

MN: YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!

DT: Olvir DROPS TO THE MAT, and Impulse COLLAPSES over his chest for the COVER!!



ONE!!





TWO!!






THREEEE!!!

Crowd: *POP!!!*

SFX: *DING! DING! DING!*

[CUE UP: “Revolution Baby” by Queen V. Andrew Gardell assists Impulse in rising off the mat as he pumps a fist and smiles to the cheering Empire Pro fans surrounding him. On the mat, a stunned and bloody-nosed Ivan Dalkichev wears an expression of absolute SHOCK.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners... “DOPESMOKER” ERIK BLACK... and IIIIMMPPUUUULLLLSSSSEEEE!!!

DT: I can HARDLY BELIEVE IT!! We knew we’d be seeing David take on Goliath tonight, but I doubt ANYBODY expected David to overcome TWO Goliaths in the CAGE! And yet it has happened! Randall Knox -- the man known as IMPULSE -- has overcome the odds and defeated the Colossal Connection!

DM: What do you think of THAT, Erik?

[CUT TO: The stunned expression on “Dopesmoker” Erik Black’s face, sitting at the commentary table.]

EB: Wow, dude... totally didn’t expect that to happen. Like so many times I have experimented with certain substances, my overall perspective has been changed here tonight...

MN: Must really change your perspective on your buddies, huh? As big and bad as they are, they couldn’t even beat a SHRIMP like that when he was on his OWN!

EB: I dunno, Neels... if what we just saw here proved anything, it’s that there’s more to this Impulse guy than meets the eye. But hey, I can dig it. It’s good to know there’s something new to learn every day.

DT: So you’re not disappointed?

EB: Don’t really think I have a choice in the matter anymore. I guess I’m just along for the ride...

[Rising from his seat at commentary, Black drops the headset and goes back to the cage door to reenter the ring. Inside, a beaten Olvir and Ivan discuss what went wrong as Impulse continues to celebrate. Suddenly, the victors come face to face. After a tense moment, Black offers his hand once again to offer congratulations and Impulse willingly takes it, also shaking hands with his humbled and deeply apologetic opponents.]

DT: Good to see that “Dopesmoker” Erik Black and the Colossal Connection were willing to swallow their pride and admit a humbling defeat here tonight at the hands of this young and exciting newcomer!

DM: Impulse was all business tonight, and he made it clear from the beginning that he would send a MESSAGE in this match! I don’t know about you gentlemen, but I could hear it clearly!

MN: Well I couldn’t. All I could hear were these idiot fans screaming over everything. And really, Dean, if you’re hearing things, you need to get help, or something.

DT: We just witnessed a huge upset... not to mention, an incredible turn of events. Impulse has made his first statement here tonight on Aggression, and more first round matches of the King of the Cage tournament are still to come! We need to take a commercial break right now, ladies and gentlemen, but stay tuned for more action!

[The camera fades out as Impulse continues celebrating in the cage, while Black, Dalkichev, and Arsvinnar head back to the locker room.]
 

DBrunkGXW

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Worldwide Mojo-cide

We are backstage with Mojo Massey and the EPW Television Champion, Donovan Astros, who we've seen neither hide nor hair of since his victory over Karl 'The Dragon' Brown at Unleashed for the Television title. Astros, geared up and ready to go, is smiling almost as brightly as his
freshly-polished gold.

MOJO: I'm here with the new Television Champion, Donovan Astros and Donovan... why are you wearing your gear? You're not even scheduled to wrestle tonight!

ASTROS: Can't a guy just like the feel of stretched lycra?

MOJO: That's... rather creepy.

ASTROS: You're right. Let's just say, Mojo, that I'm here to make an impact here at Aggression. A lot of people aren't living up to their obligations in this world today but I... I live up to being the greatest wrestler on God's green Earth each and every night! So while EPW is in flux, new champions here, there and everywhere, you can count on Donovan Astros doing something big each and every Aggression!

MOJO: Can we get a hint?

ASTROS: Can you get a hint... Keep your eyes and ears open, Mojo, and you might get the newsflash, but it'll be the same time as everyone else out there. Winning the Television title is just the tip of the iceberg, Mojo...

MOJO: Just the tip of the iceberg? You think you're ready to be in the World title hunt here?

ASTROS: You sound like a lot of people that have doubted me, Mojo. A lot of people don't think I deserve to be where I'm at today. A lot of people think for some reason or another that they're better than me, and when I prove them wrong, instead of dealing with that fact, they lie to
themselves, they kid themselves, they tell themselves that it was a fluke! Karl Brown thought losing to Donovan Astros was a fluke, and look what happened at Unleashed! Bam, new Television Champion! Stalker underestimates me, then he realizes he can't beat me. He's got a receipt coming to him sometime soon too! I've sent more people out of this business *****ing and crying about how they were SO MUCH BETTER than Donovan Astros, who had all the gold! EPW Television Champion, the best wrestler in the independents, bar none, the uncrowned NGEN World Champion...

MOJO: Are you delusional?

ASTROS: Not at all! All seven people that paid 40 bucks for the longest wrestling pay per view in history... there were two matches and it took nine months! They saw me win the only singles match in NGEN history. I'm just gonna call myself the NGEN champ... no one else is!

MOJO: Alrighty then... what about the belt that actually exists, the Television title? Who's gonna be the next challenger for that title?

ASTROS: That's up to the committee here in EPW. I'll take anyone on. Stalker, Erik Black, Copycat, Cameron Cruise, Shawn H... oh wait, nevermind on that one... anyone, really. I'm ready to prove to the world and to EPW that I am exactly what I say I am, the greatest wrestler on God's green Earth, the Worldwide Astrocide, and the best thing going today and Mojo... you can take that to the bank!

Astros walks off leaving Mojo Massey dumbfounded.

MOJO: I'm not sure what I just witnessed, but, um... back to you guys in the booth!
 

DBrunkGXW

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KOTC: TTE - Karl "The Dragon" Brown/Beau Michaels vs. Cameron Cruise & ??????

SHORT FORM

Before the match got started, there was the matter of a missing member of a team to settle. Cameron Cruise came out alone, clearly annoyed and frustrated by the disappearance of his tag team partner to be, Shawn Hart. Karl Brown stayed in one corner, stretching and just looking on, while Beau Michaels mostly seemed preoccupied with giving Cruise the amorous glare from hell. Cruise, ignoring Michaels complained to the referee, who explained that a replacement had been inserted into the match. Not sure of this, but clearly much happier with not having to wrestle the match alone, Cruise backed away and turned toward the entrance, where the EPW Television Champion, Donovan Astros came out to a pretty good sized pop.

Karl Brown & Beau Michaels vs. Cameron Cruise & Donovan Astros (c)

Karl Brown started out for his team early and matched up with Donovan Astros for a rematch of their epic Television Title match from Unleashed. Brown held onto control for a few minutes, keeping the focus on Astros' knee after a takedown, draping his leg across the ropes for a leg drop on the knee and working it over with a triangle leg lock. Astros, however was able to work his way out of the hold and into the ropes where, after a ref break, he tagged in Cameron Cruise. Brown and Cruise went into a chain wrestling sequence, giving the crowd their money's worth. But, after a hiptoss by Cruise on Brown that sent him a little too close to Brown's corner, Beau Michaels reached over and tagged himself in, much to Cameron Cruise's chagrin. Cruise avoided even locking up with Michaels and finally just tagged Astros back into the match. Michaels blew a kiss at Astros and moved in, but Astros was unaffected by Michaels' tactics and immediately shoved him back into the ropes, where, after an Irish whip, Beau Michaels was tossed unceremoniously to the mat with a huge overhead belly to belly. The larger Astros quickly pulled Michaels up and hit a series that included a butterfly suplex, an Aztecan Suplex, and finished off with a cross arm breaker aided with a step up onto the ropes on the follow through. Astros set up Michaels for the Concussion Cannon, but Karl Brown, sensing defeat, climbed into the ring to provide a brief distraction. This allowed Michaels to deliver a nut shot to the Television Champion, dropping him to his knees. Michaels tried to capitalize, inching his way to his corner and managed to tag in Brown, who immediately went to work on Astros, delivering lefts and rights that staggered him into the corner. Brown climbed up onto the second turnbuckle and rained down right hands on Astros, who struggled to fight him off but couldn't, instead falling victim to Brown grabbing a head of hair and turning into a second rope bulldog, which got a close two count. Brown pulled Astros up, hitting a dragon suplex into a pinning position, again getting a two count. As Astros staggered to his feet, Brown stalked him from behind and kicked him in the back, put him in the dragon sleeper position and prepared him for the Dragon's Bite, however as he raised him vertical, Astros rotated through the move and landed on his feet. A Donovan Astros dropkick sent Brown careening into his corner, where Beau Michaels just did avoid getting run into by his partner. Once again, however, Beau Michaels tagged himself in and charged the TV Champion, getting a solid superkick to the jaw for his trouble. With Michaels incapacitated and Brown stunned in his corner, Astros locked on the Astrolock in the middle of the ring. Sensing trouble, Brown tried to crawl over to break up the hold, but Cameron Cruise came into the ring himself and cut off The Dragon, leaving him just short as Michaels tapped out and sent the team of Donovan Astros and Cameron Cruise to the next round.

Winners: Donovan Astros (c) & Cameron Cruise
 

DBrunkGXW

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Unceremonious

[Scene fades in with Anarky backstage, heading to the ring for his award ceremony for the KOTC tournament. He walks past a dimly lit locker room and a noise catches his attention. He moves closer and a woman's voice is heard.]

Unknown Woman: Anarky, congratulations on your title win.

[The voice pauses for a moment to see if she gets a response from him but he says nothing.]

Unknown Woman: Okay then down to business. I want to ask you a favor and in return of this favor you will be doing yourself one. You see, that little annoyance you will be facing in the ring tonight, well he's annoyed me for far too long. His actions have cost me more then you can imagine and I know for a FACT that he will try and do same to you.

[She pauses for another moment to see if he says anything, but Anarky remains quiet.]

Unknown Woman: Well I can see this isn't going much of anywhere. Again all I ask is that you consider doing me this favor, because in the end he could possibly be an even greater burden on you then he was on me. Take Stalker out now before it's too late. Oh and if you don't mind please keep this meeting between the two of us.

[The door to the dimly lit locker room closes as Anarky walks away. The voice, where as very familiar, cannot be placed.]

[CUT TO: the center of the ring, where Lesbian Siegel stands, next to the 2010
King of the Cage Singles Trophy. The crowd is buzzing.]

LESBIAN SIEGEL: Before we continue the 2011 King of the Cage Tag Team Tournament,
we'd like to take this opportunity to present the 2010 King of the Cage Singles Trophy to the winner of the grueling tournament and a competitor tonight... please welcome, EPW World Heavyweight Champion... AN! AR! KEEEYYYYY!!

[CUEUP: “More Human Than Human” by White Zombie as the crowd pops big. Anarky
comes out from behind the curtain, seemingly uninterested.]

DT: Anarky comes out to a huge roar from the crowd, but, as is typical of the new Champ, he seems less interested in being awarded than in fighting...

DM: In his career, he's certainly derided his fellow superstars for being too much about the glitz and glamour, so it can't be surprising.

MN: Also, because he's taken one too many knocks to the head, he's brain damaged and has no idea what that thing's worth at a pawn shop.

DM: Getting an early start tonight, eh, Neely?

MN: You know it!

DT: Anarky into the ring now and waiting for the presentation to begin as the crowd quiets down.

[The camera suddenly pans over to someone jumping the guard rail – Stalker appears out of nowhere and dashes past security and slides in under the bottom rope.]

DM: What's Stalker doing here?!

MN: Stupid question, Dean – he's doing what that madman always does – making sure the Champ knows who's in charge around here.

DT: Anarky turns around just in time and he just got WALLOPED with what appears to be a roll of nickels and they are everywhere! And he is down and reeling!

DM: What's the meaning of this? How much do we have to pay the security team to keep Stalker outta there!

MN: You think some chump union worker who gets paid way too much to sit around doin' nothin' is gonna get involved in Stalker? Puh-lease!

DT: And Stalker now going for the belt... ? No... no he just shoved Lesbian Siegel out of the way and he just grabbed the KOTC trophy! He's going to steal the trophy!

DM: Oh, really, Stalker... come on. Don't we have enough thefts in this league without this!

MN: Uh oh, looks to me like Stalker has other plans...

DT: Stalker holding up the KOTC trophy... and Anarky slowly getting up... and OH NO HE JUST NAILED ANARKY WITH IT AND IT BROKE IN HALF! Anarky is DOWN. And now
Stalker is taking the broken trophy and just CONTINUOUSLY NAILING HIM WITH IT.

DM: Oh for crying out loud! This kid has no respect! That trophy is in pieces and Anarky is down and out and this is just disgusting.

MN: Hahahahahahaha oh Anarky, not so tough now, are ya... that's what you get for turning your back on the people who USED to root for ya to tear this place apart!

DM: Can it, Neely!

DT: And now security is storming the ring and they're pulling Stalker off of him but look at this! Stalker manages to elude them and slide out of the ring, screaming obscenities at Anarky! This is unreal!

DM: I've seen a lot of things in my day, Dave, but this is really a new low for Stalker. I hope he gets a big fat fine for this one.

MN: Yeah yeah.. let's just admit it.. Anarky deserved it.

DM: Nobody deserves that kind of treatment, Neely!

DT: And now it looks like the medical training staff is here and they are taking a look at Anarky... he is busted open but appears to be ok... wow, that was close. He was this close to being removed from the KOTC Tag Team Tournament.

DM: And I hate to be the bearer of bad news for Stalker, but Anarky looks PISSED. He can barely wait around for the medical stuff to close his cuts.

MN: Idiot can't even bleed right. Geez.

DT: Just an unreal scene tonight here on Aggression, and when we come back, another King of the Cage tournament match!!
 

DBrunkGXW

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KOTC: TTE - The Heirs of Wrestling (c) vs. The Outliers

SHORT FORM

The Heirs of Wrestling (c) vs. The Outliers (Akita the Telepathic Ventriloquist, Hans the Incontinent Viking and Wong-Pei the Circus Trained Monkey Boy)

This match was... well, barely a match. The spectacle of the Outliers was, well, how do you explain an Inuit with a hand puppet, a fully costumed Viking wearing Poise adult diapers and a Mongolian hopping around on all fours being led on a leash by a British gentlemen in a top hat? The answer is, you don't. And when you're the EPW World Tag Team Champions, you may be slightly amused at this, but you don't waste much time in getting business done. This "match" ended in record time for Empire Pro, as Ryan Gallway simply turned to his Heirs of Wrestling partners and said "I've got this". He then proceeded to turn around, kick Akita's ventriloquist dummy up into the cage where it got firmly lodged, chokeslam Akita, snatch Wong-Pei by his leash and sling him over the rope and head first into the cage, then watch as a terrified Hans clearly made a big brown stain in his diaper and ran out of the ring, where he cowered in the corner against the cage. At this, Gallway smirked, shook his head and with a big right foot on Akita's chest, gave the Heirs a win in under a minute.

Winners: The Heirs of Wrestling (c)
 

DBrunkGXW

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KOTC: TTE - Otaku & Michael Bastard (c) vs. The Motor City Maniacs??

DT: Ladies and gentlemen, the King of the Cage tag team tournament is producing a lot of bizarre combinations, and we’re about to see one of them in action here next.

DM: The odd couple of EPW Intercontinental Champion Michael Bastard and recent EPW returnee Otaku will join forces in just a moment here in an attempt to move on to the next round.

DT: And the matchup just keeps getting stranger, as Otaku and Michael Bastard actually will not be facing their scheduled opponents, the Motor City Maniacs. We’ve received word that the Motor City Maniacs were unable to make it to the arena for Aggression 56 here tonight, and Otaku and Bastard will be facing another team entirely.

MN: That’s right – the Masked Violators. These guys are a mystery to the EPW fans, not to mention the rest of the EPW roster, but if their name is any indication of their demeanor, I think I’m going to like them a lot.

DM: You would, Mike.

DT: Let’s get down to the ring.

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the following steel cage match is a first-round match in the EPW King of the Cage Tag Team Tournament! Victory can be achieved by pinfall, submission or escaping the cage. Already in the ring, substituting for the Motor City Maniacs, the Maaaaaaaaaasked Violatoooooooorrrrrs!

DM: This capacity crowd is not quite sure what to make of the Masked Violators, who will be making their EPW in-ring debut here tonight.

DT: But we have heard them talk, and we have seen them outside the ring, so we do have some idea of the mindset of these two mystery individuals.

MN: Well, I’ve seen them talk, and it made me wonder how well they’re going to function as a unit. But even if they’re not on the same page all the time, they’re bound to spend more of this match on the same page than their opponents are.

DM: That may be, but we’ve seen some odd combinations accomplish some amazing things here in EPW, so either team could be really impressive right out of the blocks.

MN: Right – just as easily as they could fall flat on their faces and embarrass themselves.

DM: Your glass is always half empty, isn’t it, Mike?

MN: Only if the person whose job it is to refill it doesn’t want a good tip!

[CUE UP: The opening theme to <i>Jushin Liger</i>. As the opening drone builds, the lights are cut. As the first bars play, various scenes from anime shows flash up on the big screen, until the lyrics kick in. Otaku steps through the curtains, smoke rising around him, decked out in the garb of Uryu Ishida from <i>Bleach</i>. Otaku poses atop the ramp, then heads down toward the ring, soaking in the fans’ cheers]

MN: [Laughing uncontrollably]

TF: And their opponents! Introducing first, from Neo Tokyo Tower! Weighing in at 230 pounds, Oooooooooo-taaaaaaaaa-kuuuuuuuu!

DT: Certainly an unorthodox competitor, Otaku nonetheless is very well versed in the ring and is sure to provide a challenge for any opponent – especially those who might underestimate him!

DM: Indeed, Otaku has as broad a library of moves as a library of Japanese cultural references, and – OK, seriously, will you stop with that?

MN [still laughing uproariously]: This guy! <i>This guy!</i> Oh, it’s like I’ve died and gone to Snarky Announcer Heaven!

DM: My broadcast colleague’s comments notwithstanding, it will be interesting to see what Otaku has picked up in the years since we last saw him in EPW.

MN: The only thing that’s going to get picked up is Otaku, by his mom, in her mini-van, after this match is over!

[Otaku poses for the fans again as he heads up the ring steps and into the ring. Otaku continues to play to the fans, keeping an eye on the Masked Violators – who, for now, remain on their side of the ring]

DT: The Masked Violators are keeping their distance from Otaku for now, but they’ve got to be plotting a strategy.

MN: Hey, if they need a strategy for keeping their distance from Otaku, I’m sure they could just ask every girl he’s ever talked to for some tips!

DM: Seriously, Mike, there’s going to come a point when—[interrupted]

MN: Of course, they’d have to put a lot of work into hunting down the three girls Otaku has had the courage to speak to over the course of his life!

DM: Are you finished? Because if you haven’t noticed, there’s—[interrupted]

MN: But it won’t be too hard, because I’m sure various alterations of their names appear in every other piece of fan fiction he writes!

DT: Dean, I don’t know why you’re wasting your time trying to get him to stop.

DM: Let me have my dreams, Dave.

MN: Yes! Dreams! Just like the ones Otaku has every night where all these girls, with enormous eyes and tiny noses, can actually stand to be in the same room as him, and then when he wakes up, he realizes that once again, he’s—[mercifully cut off]

[CUE UP: “All Secrets Known” by Alice in Chains. Michael Bastard pushes through the curtains and heads straight for the ring at a brisk walk, the EPW Intercontinental Title belt around his waist, the Amazing Logan following behind on his cane]

TF: And his tag team partner! Accompanied to the ring by the Amazing Logan – from Flint, Michigan! Weighing in at 228 pounds, he is the EPW Intercontinental Champion – Michaaaaaaaeeeeel Bastaaaaarrrrrrd!

MN: Now that, right there? That is a guy who knows how to take care of business! As opposed to his tag team partner, who only knows how to take care of his own business, if you know what I mean!

DM: Oh, how I wish I didn’t.

DT: There’s certainly no denying that Michael Bastard has been a dominant force in EPW since making his debut! He’s taken two of EPW’s toughest, Layne Winters and Copycat, to their limits, and as of Unleashed, he is your new Intercontinental Champion after a commanding victory over the Phenom, Shawn Hart!

MN: “Commanding” doesn’t begin to describe it! The man sent Shawn Hart packing from EPW with his tail between his legs! I’d predict a long, long title reign for that man right there!

[Michael Bastard unstraps the title belt and hands it to the Amazing Logan, then heads up the steps and through the cage door]

SFX: DING! DING!

DT: Now remember, as in all of the King of the Cage matches, this one can end by pinfall, submission or cage escape. But in this tournament, escaping the cage is a double-edged sword – if you make it out, you’re half of the way to victory, but you also leave your tag team partner at the mercy of both opponents.

DM: That has to be weighing heavy on the minds of all these competitors – especially when you consider that some of them may not be on the same page to begin with.

MN: Well, the Masked Violators certainly appear to be on the same page, as both of them just pounced on Michael Bastard while his attention was focused on Otaku! These guys clearly know who the real threat in this ring is!

DT: No. 1 and No. 2 hammering away at Michael Bastard, not giving the Intercontinental Champion a chance to catch his breath! Otaku has yet to act – looks like he’s a little bit stunned about being ignored!

MN: They’re ignoring him like he ignores the world outside his basement bedroom!

DM: And Otaku jumping into the fray! Otaku firing off on both Masked Violators! Otaku with a knee to the head of No. 2, and now a series of rights to No. 1! No. 1 sent to the ropes, and a big back body drop by Otaku!

DT: The crowd is behind Otaku, and he’s reveling in it!

MN: Yeah, until No. 2 came from behind and clubbed him in the back of the head! No. 2 now stomping away at Otaku! He forgot about his opponents so fast, you’d think they were all the people in his life that he didn’t meet on the Internet!

DT: No. 1 is now back up, and he joins in the stomping! Referee David Rosenkrantz is trying to regain some semblance of order, but there are no disqualifications in a cage match!

DM: Wait! Michael Bastard is back up to his feet! And he now finds himself in the position Otaku was in only a moment ago – deciding whether or not to save his partner!

MN: What will win out, his lust for violence or his disdain for that cosplaying weirdo? I mean, if it were me, it would be disdain, but—[interrupted]

DM: With you, Neely, disdain trumps all other possible emotions.

DT: Bastard over to the Violators, and he charges into them with a double clothesline! Grabs them both by the hair, and a double noggin-knocker! And now Bastard lays in a headbutt of his own on No. 1!

DM: No. 1 is down, and Bastard now turning his focus to No. 2. Grabs No. 2 and sends him face-first into the buckle! Bastard now laying into No. 2 with jabs to the stomach – and a hard shot right to the face! Bastard with a whip to the opposite corner, No. 2 with the reverse, No. 2 charges in and eats a boot right to the face! And Bastard out of the corner with a clothesline to send No. 2 to the mat! Bastard with an elbowdrop! Looks like he’s going for a cover!

MN: But there’s No. 1 to save the day before it’s even in danger! And you guys were worried they weren’t on the same page.

DT: Otaku from behind now, nails No. 1 in the back, and now into the buckle! Otaku lays into No. 1 with chops!

DM: And look, Bastard has backed No. 2 into the opposite buckle, and fires off with kicks to the midsection! Otaku and Bastard with a glance…

MN: Oh, don’t tell me these two are seeing eye to eye now! Bastard should be giving Otaku a wedgie and stealing his lunch money!

DT: A double Irish whip sends the Masked Violators crashing into each other! Otaku with a dropkick to No. 1, and Bastard with a spinebuster to No. 2! Both men into covers! Rosenkrantz is counting for Otaku!

One!

Two!

And both men kick out!

DM: A wake-up call there for the Masked Violators!

DT: Otaku and Bastard pulling their respective opponents to their feet, and each man now loading a Violator onto his shoulder! What are we about to see here?

DM: It could be a double Car Crash! That’s one of Michael Bastard’s signature moves, but Otaku looks to be a quick learner! And Bastard sends No. 2 crashing into the buckle!

MN: But No. 1 slips out the back door, and there’s a big neckbreaker to Otaku! He just couldn’t measure up – a feeling I’m sure he is intimately familiar with!

DT: No. 1 won’t have much time to celebrate, though, as here comes Bastard – oh! And a rake of the eyes to the Intercontinental Champion! And now No. 1 sends a hard elbow to the head of Bastard!

DM: But Bastard firing back! Rights and lefts to No. 1, and now Bastard off the ropes – right into a powerslam! No. 1 hooks the leg!


One!


Two!


No! Bastard gets the shoulder up.

DT: No. 1 up back up to his feet, and a hard knee drop to the face of Bastard! Another one! And another cover by No. 1!


One!


Two!


And Bastard kicks out!

MN: It takes a lot more than that to keep the tough Bastard down! Whereas in Otaku’s case, all you need to do is hold his Pokemon cards out of his reach.

DM: You’re going to run out of one-liners eventually, you know.

DT: No. 1 with a stiff kick to the face of Otaku there – he doesn’t want him getting back to his feet while he works on Michael Bastard. No. 1 with Bastard hooked up, and there’s a snap suplex! No. 1 over into another cover!


One!


Two!


No! Again, Bastard holds on!

MN: I want both of you to take a close look at the face of the Amazing Logan right now. Just look at that – his charge isn’t in control of the match right now, but there’s no concern on the man’s face! He knows what Michael Bastard is capable of, and at this stage in the game, he knows all Bastard needs is a split-second of weakness!

DT: An astute observation about—[interrupted]

MN: As opposed to Otaku, who can probably count on his fingers the number of split-seconds during which he has not experienced weakness!

DM: Really, Mike?

DT: No. 2 is back to his feet now, and he and No. 1 send Bastard off the ropes! Double clothesline by the Violators! Both men now off the ropes on opposite sides of the ring, and a legdrop-big splash combination! No. 2 with the cover!


One!


Two!


Kickout by Bastard!

DM: No. 1 now heading toward Otaku, but what’s this? No. 2 is trying to call him back to Michael Bastard! Looks like a disagreement on the part of the Violators as to who they should focus on!

MN: A slight disagreement at best! No. 1 is already heading back over to Bastard – after delivering a dropkick to the face of Otaku as he tries to regain his footing again!

DT: Bastard with a shot to the midsection of No. 2! And another! Bastard trying to fight off No. 2! But there’s No. 1 with a kick to the back of the head, and the Violators are right back in control!

DM: The Violators with Bastard off the ropes again – double flapjack sends Bastard face-first into the mat! No. 1 covers!



One!



Two!



No! Bastard with the shoulder up again! And it looks like the Violators are getting a little frustrated with his continued survival!

DT: The Violators with Bastard to his feet again, and now hooking him up for a double suplex!

DM: But Bastard is fighting it! A knee to the face of No. 1, and now one for No. 2! Bastard going back and forth between the two of them with rights and lefts! I can almost feel them from here!

MN: Hey, I can smell the unmistakable stench of pocky and failure from here too, but you don’t see me complaining about it!

DT: No. 2 nails Bastard with an elbow to the side of the head, but here’s Otaku! Otaku drops No. 2 with a hell of a Yakuza kick!

MN: About time he started pulling his weight in this one! ‘Course, as soon as he gets home, he’s going to be pulling his—[interrupted]

DM: OK, Mike, I think we can all guess how that joke is going to finish.

MN: Hey, speaking of jokes and finishing, Otaku—[interrupted]

DM: Moving right along, then. Bastard teeing off on No. 1 in the corner now, getting some revenge for the beating he’s been suffering these last few minutes! Otaku, meanwhile, has No. 2 to his feet, and there’s a Russian leg sweep! Otaku now has the legs of No. 2, and he could be going for a Texas cloverleaf, as Bastard slaps a chokehold on No. 1 in the corner!

MN: No disqualifications! I love it almost as much as Otaku loves gravity-defying spiky haircuts!

DT: No. 2 trying to kick his way out of the cloverleaf attempt, and there’s a shot to the throat of Otaku! No. 2 back to his feet, and a back elbow sends Otaku stumbling back into Bastard! No. 2 charges in, and…

DM: Look at that! Bastard not only dodged out of the way, he pulled Otaku with him, and No. 2 just smashed right into No. 1! No. 2 staggers out of the corner, and a hard chop by Bastard!

DT: And now one by Otaku! Another by Bastard! Another by Otaku! No. 2 is getting bounces back and forth between them like a pinball!

MN: Not that Otaku has ever played a game of pinball. It would take too much time away from his scouring the Internet for poor-quality, fan-made naked pictures of his favorite anime girls.

DM: Seriously, how much time did you spend thinking these up?

DT: Bastard now grabs hold of No. 2, hooks him up and … Sucker Blast! No. 2 is down! Bastard with a cover!



One!



Two!



And No. 1 makes the save with a kick to the head!

DM: Otaku grabs No. 1 from behind, and there’s a back suplex! Otaku now hauling No.1 to his feet as Bastard gets up to his! Otaku whipping No. 1 into Bastard, Bastard lifts him up for a spinebuster…

DT: But No. 1 counters with a hell of a DDT!

MN: He just planted Bastard’s head into the canvas! Just like Otaku keeps his head planted in whichever manga he can find with the most tentacle erotica!

DM: How do you know about that? Even I’m not familiar with that one.

DT: No. 1 back up his feet, Otaku off the ropes! The Chidori – no! No. 1 ducks out of the way, and Otaku crashes and burns! No. 1 with Otaku to his feet, and a big backbreaker! Cover!



One!



Two!



No! Otaku gets the shoulder up!

DM: No. 1 off the ropes as Otaku gets back to his feet – bulldog! Another cover!



One!



Two!



And Otaku kicks out!

DT: No. 1 now with Otaku, whips him to the buckle! No. 1 charges in and gets a face full of boot! Otaku with No. 1 – sends him face-first into the cage!

DM: No. 1 now backed to the corner, and Otaku goes up top and lays into him!

Crowd: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six!

DT: No! There’s No. 2 from behind with a shot to the back of Otaku! No. 2 in position and … powerbomb! Otaku laid flat on the canvas!

MN: And that’s the only way he’s ever going to get la—[interrupted]

DM: No. 2 looking to go for the cover, but No. 1 is shaking his head no! He’s saying they should climb out of the cage, and with both Otaku and Bastard down, that’s not a bad strategy!

MN: Not if they can agree on it – which it looks like they can’t!

DT: Well, it now appears the Violators have agreed to climb out of the cage! No. 1 heading up on one side, No. 2 heading up on the other! If they can escape simultaneously, they get the win without risking being double-teamed!

DM: Wait, Michael Bastard is getting back to his feet! Bastard grabs the legs of No. 2 – and yanks him off the cage! He just landed right between the cage and the ring ropes, and that has to hurt!

MN: And No. 1 hasn’t even noticed! He’s still climbing, and it doesn’t look like Bastard is in a position to stop him! No. 1 almost has a hand on the top of the cage! Just as Otaku spends every night with a hand on the top of his—[interrupted]

DM: Wait! Otaku is back up! Otaku climbing to the top rope! He’s got the leg of No. 1! No. 1 is trying to kick him off, but Otaku isn’t letting go! He’s pulling No. 1 back down the cage! Otaku … chucks No. 1 off the side, and he crashes to the mat!

Crowd: [Pop]

MN: No! He was so closed to not getting touched by Otaku, just like every woman on earth who isn’t Otaku’s mother!

DT: Otaku steadies himself on the top rope – and soars off with a flying headbutt! It connects! Otaku clearing the cobwebs out, and a cover on No. 1!



One!



Two!



No! No. 1 gets the shoulder up!

DM: And Bastard just dragged No. 1 away from Otaku! He wants a shot at No. 1, and -- <i>oh!</i> Low blow to Bastard by No. 1!

MN: Yeah, just like Otaku … um … blow … uh …

DT: Otaku off the ropes, and a cross-body! No, he’s caught by No. 1! No. 1 with a fallaway slam, sending Otaku over the top rope and into the cage!

DM: No! He just sent Otaku right into No. 2 as he was trying to get up! A miscommunication there by the Masked Violators, and No. 2 has just been sandwiched between Otaku and the cage!

MN: Just like Otaku … sandwich … damn it, I had something for this.

DM: And No. 1 looks embarrassed by the move he just made! He’s not noticing Michael Bastard getting up behind him! Bastard grabs No. 1 – and there’s the Black-out! No. 1 just got knocked for a loop!

DT: And it’s not going to get any better for him! Bastard scoops up No. 1 – Bastard Driver! The Bastard Driver connects! Bastard covers! The leg is hooked!




One!




Two!




Three!

SFX: Ding! Ding!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners: Otakuuuuuu and Michaaaaaaeeeeel Baaaaaaastaaaaaarrrrrrd!

DT: The Masked Violators put up a good fight in this one, but those miscommunications cost them, as the unconventional pairing of Otaku and Michael Bastard pulls off the victory!

DM: And I’m sure it doesn’t hurt that Michael Bastard in particular has been on a rampage here in EPW of late – the Masked Violators weren’t able to stand in his way!

DT: And Bastard is out of the ring already – no celebration for that man – but Otaku is soaking in the cheers of the crowd!

DM: Meanwhile, the Masked Violators are trying to recoup in the ring, and it looks like they’re not too happy with each other!

DT: Looks like they’re leaving the ring as a unit, though, so it seems the Masked Violators will live to fight another day!

DM: So, Neely, you finally ran out of Otaku jokes, did you?

MN: You have to admit I kept that going a lot longer than you expected!

DM: Well, there’s certainly some truth to that statement.

MN: What statement? I was just trying to think of things Otaku will never be able to say to a woman! Oh, I’ve still got it!

DM: Just what I wanted to hear.

DT: We’ll be right back with more Aggression 56, folks! Don’t go anywhere!
 

DBrunkGXW

Consigliere
Joined
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Messages
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MAIN EVENT: KOTC: TTE - Anarky (c)/Copycat vs. Steven Shane/Stalker

TF: The following contest is set for one fall and is a first round, Tag Team King of the Cage match! Introducing first…

[CUE UP: “Did My Time” by Korn. The crowd LAY in as Stalker and the Sensational One, Steven Shane, step from behind the curtain and make their way towards the cage]

TF: Coming down the aisle, “Sensational” Steven Shane… and his tag team partner… Stalker!

MN: Man, these guys are on the same page!

DM: They can’t be on a worse page than Anarky and Copycat!

MN: I know, this is gonna be su-weet! Watching Stalker demolish Anarky!

DT: I don’t think it’s going to be like that, Mike, but I don’t see how Anarky is going to be able to win tonight.

[CUE UP: “More Human than Human” by White Zombie! The crowd EXPLODES as the World Champion stalks to the ring, his title over his shoulder. He passes it to the timekeeper as he reaches the door to the cage, and pauses there.]

TF: And their opponents, first, from Hartford, Connecticut, he weighs 231 pounds and is the reigning King of the Cage… and the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… ANARKY!!

DT: He doesn’t look happy at all.

MN: Aww, problems already for the baby.

DT: You were cheering for him at Unleashed!

MN: Because he won me money!

DT: I’ll never understand you, Mike.

[The lights go out in the arena. CUE UP: “The People That We Love” by Bush, as the lights begin to flicker on and off. A flashing siren appears on the video monitor. When the drums first kick in, the monitor shows a sped-up version of Copycat running Dan Ryan down with his car. When the drums drop back out, the siren -- now with Copycat's dead eyes layered over it -- reappears. When the drums kick in again, the video monitor changes to the typical in-ring highlights as … Aaron Jones walks through the curtains with a microphone? The crowd boos Jones as the music stops]

AJ: It is with great regret that i must inform you that He will be unable to join us tonight.

Crowd: [Boo!]

AJ: You can be certain that He would have liked nothing better than to be part of this match and to impress upon all three of its other participants the error of their ways, the folly of their selfishness. But unfortunately, He has found Himself unable to reach the arena in time, and cannot continue immediately with His plans.

[By now, Jones has reached ringside, and he climbs up on the apron]

AJ: However, He has seen fit to arrange a substitute for Himself in this match: me.

[Jones approaches Anarky near the cage door, and he does not look amused.]

DT: Anarky is forcing Jones to follow into the ring instead of taking the lead, Stalker and Shane are laughing over in their corner.

DM: Folks, this is regular tag team rules inside a steel cage. You win by pinfall or submission, I think.

MN: You think?

DM: More than you do.

MN: Hey!

DT: Looks like it’s going to be Anarky and Stalker starting things out – look at Aaron, he wants in there!

DM: Anarky’s only real hope of advancing is if he can fight off both men. We’ll see if the World Champ can do that.

DT: We’ve seen one man beat two greats before, Anarky is standing a long way from his corner. There’s the bell, Stalker charges, Anarky side steps, Stalker off the ropes and big clothesline by Anarky!

One!

Easy kickout!

DM: Anarky realizes he can’t hang around tonight, hammering away with right hands on the canvas. Brings Stalker back to his feet, shot to the ribs, Irish whip far side.

DT: Stalker under the clothesline, Anarky with a knee to the gut on the rebound! Great early offence from the World Champion!

MN: It won’t last.

DT: Stalker back to his feet against the ropes, Anarky in very quickly with a headbutt, smashes Stalker’s head off the cage! A little bit of payback, Dean?

DM: More than likely, yeah.

DT: Stalker staggering, Anarky grabs him – atomic drop!

MN: Woah! I thought he was all talk!

DT: You were right there when he put First through a table!

DM: It’s Mike, what did you expect?

DT: Anarky backing up, ready to take

MN: Tag!

DT: The referee saw the blind tag, Anarky doesn’t look happy! Aaron Jones in there, chop to the chest of Stalker, Anarky being forced to the outside – and Stalker’s laughing!

[Jones looks straight into Stalker’s eyes with a vicious intensity, while the maniac just laughs at him. Enraged, Jones shoves Stalker, who barely moves]

DT: Don’t do this, Aaron…

DM: Pat’s got to be beside himself.

DT: Stalker laughing at Aaron

Crowd: Ooooh!

DT: AARON JONES JUST SLAPPED STALKER!!

DM: And that wasn’t a slap from Stalker! Aaron Jones almost knocked out with that right hand!

DT: Stalker stalking Jones, boots him in the face!

MN: Poor kid. This is gonna be a slaughter.

DT: Stalker tags in Shane, first time we’ve seen the Sensational One in a while. He comes in, grabs Jones by the hair, shoves him back into the ropes and an overhead belly to belly throw!!

DM: So he’s lost none of his skills.

DT: Let’s see him do that to the champ, shall we?

DM: If he lets Jones anywhere near the corner.

DT: Shane grabbing Jones, big backbreaker! Into the cover, Anarky in on the count of two to break it up! He had to do something there!

[Shane yells at Anarky, yanking Jones over to the corner and tagging Stalker back in. The two hit a Hart Attack on Jones, Stalker refusing to go for a cover; instead, he chokes the referee’s son with a forearm to the throat until the count of four, before biting down on the forehead]

DT: I don’t know how anyone can watch this… the referee should step in, Aaron has no training, no way to defend himself.

DM: Anarky is trying to get Jones to come back to his corner, but even if Aaron wanted do, Stalker isn’t going to let him. Stalker with an Irish whip on Jones, big boot to the head!

MN: The poor kid… I almost feel sorry for him.

DT: Aaron Jones is out on his feet. Tag in to Shane who comes in with a double axe handle, sends Jones off the ropes again.

DM: And Jones doesn’t even make it to the ropes.

[Steven Shane laughs at the fallen heap, slowly walking over to his prey. Anarky yells at Shane, but the Sensational One just taunts the World Champion. He picks Jones up onto his shoulder, slamming him back into the corner, and drills him with elbows to the side of the head. Hooking the arms, he hurls him overhead with a butterfly suplex]

DT: Shane with his foot on the chest, one

Two!

Anarky with a clothesline!!

DM: And look how he’s dragging Jones to the corner.

DT: Shane back up, charges Anarky, the champ ducks it – BIG hiptoss on the rebound! Drags Jones the rest of the way, ducks out – forces the tag! Anarky is the legal man again!

DM: And he takes Steven Shane down with a big running clothesline.

DT: Anarky with a shot to Stalker, turns and grabs Shane by the arms – headbutt, repeated headbutts. The fans are going crazy!

[With a sense of urgency, Anarky floors Steven Shane with a forearm square to the jaw and turns to check Stalker. The Sensational One holds his jaw as he rolls to the ropes, and Stalker is on his knee in his teams corner. Satisfied, Anarky turns his attention back to Shane, but the wily veteran grabs Anarky by the waistband and throws him into the ropes. Disoriented slightly, Anarky is easy prey to a neckbreaker from Shane, but still manages to kick out before the count of two. Aaron Jones, meanwhile, is flat out against the cage wall]

DT: Steven Shane with a quick tag to Stalker, Anarky holding the back of his head. Stalker with a kick to the head, brings the World Champ back to his feet.

DM: But Anarky with a headbutt to the nose!

MN: Damn! He can hit can’t he?

DT: Anarky with Stalker hooked, back suplex! Turns to Stalker but Steven Shane from behind with a clubbing forearm! This is how it’s going to be, is it?

MN: It makes sense, two on one on the wrestler then beat up on the kid. It’s what I’d tell them to do.

DM: Shane and Stalker double teaming on Anarky in the corner, right hands. The referee forcing Shane to the outside, Aaron Jones is still doubled over in his corner. Stalker slams the world champion hard, and a fist drop from the second rope!

One!

TWO kickout.

DT: Tag made to Steven Shane. Double Irish whip, Anarky ducks under, clothesline on Stalker but Shane takes the champion down!

DM: Anarky needs to try and isolate one of these two and wear them down.

[Stalker gets forced out of the ring to the apron, while Steven Shane drops Anarky with a sidewalk slam. Rather than going for the cover he hits a knee drop, but as he tries to bring the champ to his feet, Anarky grabs the leg, tripping the Sensational One before springing over and DRILLING his right elbow into Shane’s left eye! Hurting, Shane rolls on the canvas as Anarky takes a couple of seconds to catch his breath]

DT: Anarky stopping himself!

DM: That was instinct, he almost headed back to his corner but stopped himself as Jones was reaching out a hand.

DT: Shane back to a knee, Anarky grabs him by the hair. Knee to the gut, shot to the back of the neck. BRAINBUSTER!!

DM: And Stalker’s straight in

MN: Shot down!

DM: Anarky with a right to the midsection flips Stalker over! He just might do it!

MN: But Stalker’s not the legal man!

DT: Anarky drives Stalker into the cage wall, boots Shane in the face for good measure.

[Grabbing Stalker by the wrist, he whips him across the ring and charges, squashing the maniac in the corner. However, he doesn’t spot Steven Shane come in from behind]

DT: ONE!


TWO!!!


Steven Shane almost stole it!

DM: Smart move on Shane’s part.

DT: Anarky back to his feet, Shane side steps him, Stalker with both feet to the face and Shane with a German suplex!

MN: Aaron Jones wants back in the match! Chortle.

DT: Jones is screaming at Anarky to tag him, he looks like a man possessed!

MN: He wants to do Copycat proud.

DT: Steven Shane with the champion up, rocks him with a right hand. Irish whip, reversed, Shane ducks the clothesline. Anarky with a kick to the midsection, DDT!!

ONE!!


TWO!!!

Stalker in to make the save!

[Stunned following a boot to the face, Anarky doesn’t realize where he is until he feels a slap on the shoulder. He tenses and gets his hands up, but can only look on in disbelief as Aaron Jones tears past him and blasts Stalker with a forearm! Stalker shakes it off, and as Jones bounces off the ropes, almost decapitates him with a clothesline]

MN: He’s done.

DT: Stalker being forced to the outside, Steven Shane grabs Aaron Jones – oh come on!

MN: This is great!

DT: Grating you mean! Shane rubbing Aaron’s face into the steel, the kid’s face is getting torn raw!

DM: This is sad.

DT: Shane with a tag to Stalker, comes in with a boot to the midsection, Jones hits the mat. Stalker stomping on Jones… Anarky trying to come in but being forced back to his corner, the champ needs to get in there before it’s too late.

MN: Not gonna happen.

DT: Stalker picks Aaron up by the hair, looks the young man straight in the eye – Jones swings a weak punch, Stalker laughing at him – EVEN FLOW!!

ONE!!


SHANE BLOCKS ANARKY!!


TWO!!


THREE!! THREE!! Thank God for Aaron’s sake!

TF: Ladies and gentlemen, the WINNERS OF THIS MATCH… advancing to the second round…

SENSATIONAL STEVEN SHANE… and STALKER!!

DT: Anarky did all he could, but Aaron tagged himself back in and that spelt the end!

DM: The World Champ is FURIOUS in the ring! He wasn’t happy earlier, he’s been robbed of his chance because Copycat couldn’t make it tonight!

MN: I wanna know where Cat is! He was my pick to go all the way with ‘Nark.

DT: Well, it’s Stalker and Steven Shane victorious over the World Champ and a kid in his first match. And now.... wait, Anarky just shrugged and bum rushed Stalker!!

DM: It's payback time!!

DT: The World Champion is wailing away on Stalker and Steven Shane knows when it's time to leave!! He's outta here!!

MN: Get that nutjob off of him!!

DM: But Anarky's the one on top pounding on Stalker...

MN: That's what I said, get that nutjob off of Stalker!!

DT: These two men rolling around just wailing on each other and here comes security pouring out of the backstage area!! We've got a sea of officials now trying to break this up!!

DM: They're apart....

DT: No!! Stalker breaks away and gets at Anarky again!! This is crazy!

DM: Two refs trying to pull Anarky away!

MN: Finally some order!

DT: And Anarky slugs the officials... one.... TWO!....THREE taken out by the World Champion... finally both men corralled in their corners where Stalkers is just hurling insults through the mob and his face is literally SHAKING in rage!! Anarky bleeding now profusely from his forehead and it's covering most of his face... but he's SMILING!!

MN: He's lost his mind.

DT: Anarky smiling through the blood and the crowd is eating this up!! Folks we are OUT of time, but what an ending to Aggression 56... The second round of the King of the Cage is next week.... what's gonna happen between our World Champion and Copycat? What's gonna happen between the World Champion and STALKER??? Be right here NEXT WEEK!!

[FADE TO: COPYRIGHT.]
 

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